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“BIIIIIMB!” [KRISSY’S REALIZATIONS]

4 02 2018

1BIMB
HELLLLLLO! Nagulat kayo ‘no? I’m sure na-miss n’yo ‘ko! Aminin n’yo!

As I have said last week, afraid ang TV networks na bigyan ako ng show because of politics. Kainis ‘di ba?! Kaya dito na muna ako – paraket-raket online. Pero in fairness huh, never akong iniwan ng sponsors. Kaya look at me, look o, ang kinis-kinis ko pa rin. Glowing! Thank you Ever Bilena. Sabi nga ni Bimb kagabi, “Moooooooom, you don’t look like my mother na. We look like sisters already!” Naloka ako. Sabi ko, “Biiiiiiimb, it’s SIBLINGS not sisters! Hay naku, iba-bash ka na naman ng dirty-looking, homophobic broadcaster na laging talo sa elections!” Aha-ha-ha!

Anyway, thank you so much sa mga patuloy na nagtitiwala. I told Ate Ballsy nga, sa mga ganitong pagkakataon mo talaga malalaman ang tunay na nagmamahal sa ‘yo. ‘Di ba?! ‘Yong tipong down na down ka ‘tapos makaka-receive ka ng call saying, “Krissy, we want you to endorse our product!” I swear, naiiyak ako. It just goes to show na love love love pa rin n’yo talaga ako.

In fact, just an hour ago, may nag-inquire through text. Ang sabi, “Krissy, willing ka bang mag-endorse ng memorial plan?” Lalo akong naiyak. Ba’t ganun? Hindi pa naman dead ang career ko ‘di ba? I politely declined. ‘Tapos sabi ni Bimb, “Mooooooooom, but you’re dead na dead kay Tito Herbert!” Nakakaloka. Sabi ko, “Biiiiiiiiimb! That’s our secret, ‘di ba? ‘Wag mo naman akong ilaglag.” Aha-ha-ha!

Hay naku. Basta! Life goes on may TV show man o wala. This too shall pass. Hindi sila forever sa pwesto. May araw din kayo. Jooooooke! For sure, galit na si Mom sa heaven. “Krissy, behave! Don’t be vindictive!”

Fine. Quiet na lang ako. Aha-ha-ha.

Anyway, nag-monitor kami ni Bimb ng news nitong mga nakaraang araw, and we learned quite a few things. I wanna share them with you.

Una, last week ko lang nalaman na doktor na pala si Persida Acosta. Nakakaloka! Akala ko lawyer siya. She was insisting na super dami ng namatay sa Dengvaxia. Pati appendix na pumutok, Dengvaxia pa rin. May conclusions na agad siya. Even Bimb was like, “Moooooooooom, that’s sooo scary. Was I vaccinated?” Sabi ko, “No Bimb. There’s no need for that. Walang mosquitoes sa house ‘coz it’s so clean.”

Sabi niya, “’k!”

Aha-ha-ha! Bimb is so me talaga.

Na-realize ko rin last week, Pinoys are really bad at geography pala. Akala ng marami, nasa Batangas ang Tagaytay; nasa Bataan ang Corregidor, at nasa Saudi ang Dubai. All wrong! Pero ang ‘di ko kinaya, ‘yong sabihing matatagpuan sa Naga ang Mayon Volcano!!!! ‘Di baaa???? Kailan pa inilipat? In fairness huh, ‘di ‘yun nabalita! Nakakaloka. Ang tanga-tanga! But that’s fine. We all make mistakes. Hindi na ako lalayo. Akala ko nga noon, matatagpuan ang happiness sa lalaki. I was so wrong. Baka sabihin naman ni Bimb, “Moooooooooooom, you’re so emo!” Inunahan na kita Bimb. I am! Aha-ha-ha!

I remember so well, when Kuya Noy was still in office, sobrang haba lagi ng pila sa MRT. I should know, na-experience ko ‘yan, remember?

Tapos every month yata, may sira. So the people were like so gigil na talaga. And then nagamit pa ‘yon sa campaign against Mar Roxas. Ang ending: lost! Fast forward to 2018, naloka ako sa news na everyday pala, twice or thrice nasisira ang MRT. Super walk sa riles ang mga commuters! Every other day! And then Bimb said, “Mooooooooom! Why is this still happening? Tito Noy is no longer the president.” Aray ko!

“Biiiiiiiimb! You’re so mean to your Tito Noy! Hindi niya na fault ‘to! Mag-apologize ka! Now na.”

“’k. Sorry!”

Hindi n’yo naitatanong, super relate ako sa mga commuters. Trust me, I know the feeling! ‘Yong pinasakay ka, ‘tapos kapag ini-enjoy mo na ang lahat, sasabihin sa ‘yo, “We need to stop. Hanggang dito na lang tayo. This isn’t working.”

Ang sakit!

“Mooooooom! Tito Herbert again?! Move on na, ok?”

“Biiiiiiiiiimb!”

“Moooooooom! I said, move on.”

“Fine!”

And then, another lesson we learned: Kung basketball player pala si Harry Roque, kakabugin niya si Vince Carter ng Sacramento Kings. By the way, Carter recently turned 41 and in fairness huh, he’s still very much active! And he can still score. Unlike some palaos na players I know.

“Moooooooom! You’re so bitter! He’s still my dad.”

“Biiiiiiiiimb! I didn’t mention names.”

“Moooooom! I know you. Aminin mo. You’re talking about my dad.”

“Fine!”

Back to Harry Roque. I remember him leading and hosting some protest rallies in and out of UP. Like, he was this brave, principled human rights lawyer who was making laban for the country. So ‘yung pag-360 niya sa issues, malala pa kesa kay Carter. Hindi ko talaga kinaya nang sabihin niyang waste of taxpayers’ money ang pagsama sa rally ng mga taga-UP. SAY WHAT?!?

“And Mom, he also said we needed fake news to know true news.”

“I know, Bimb! Kadiri ‘di ba? Trapong-trapo na talaga every inch of his skin.”

“And that’s a lot of skin, Mom.”

“Biiiiiiimb! That’s bad.”

“But you started it.”

“I didn’t say he’s fat.”

“Did I say fat, Mom? I said, ‘lot of skin.’”

“You’re so good at this Bimb! Kainis ka!

“I’m your son, remember?”

“True!”

1FabFlavius
And lastly, I have to say this, the government can learn a thing or two sa kaso ni Ricci Rivero ng La Salle. I haven’t been following collegiate basketball pero na-shock ako nang bonggang-bongga when I heard na kinick out ng La Salle ‘yung Rivero brothers, and a certain Brent Paraiso. Sorry, ‘di ako familiar sa kanya.

I mean, rules are rules. Kapag may ginawa kang bad o may na-violate ka, you should face the consequences of your actions. Unfortunately sa admin na ito, kapag tanga ka, kapag may mali ka, or worse, kapag pumatay ka, mapu-promote ka pa. Mabibigyan ka pa ng pwesto. ‘Di ba? Nakakaloka.

I’m from Ateneo but I salute La Salle. Kahit medyo tumaas ang kilay ko sa rason ng pagli-leave daw ni Ricci and those two other players, I believe na tama ang ginawa ng school. Fair but sad.

Aminin n’yo! Nanghinayang kayo kay Ricci! Sa other two, ‘di masyado. Aha-ha-ha! Pero kay Ricci, I’m sure concerned na concerned kayo!

“Mooooooooom! Ricci is only 19.”

“Why?!? What did I say?”

“Moooom, it’s obvious. You’re flirting. You’re hitting on him.”

“Biiiiiiiiiimb!”
_________________________________________________________________________________
Proclaim the truth and do not be silent through fear.
~Catherine of Siena

Sound Bites
“In fact, the deaths of 13 of the 14 autopsied (by PAO) were totally unrelated to the vaccine. We urge the Department of Justice to order PAO to stop performing autopsies on these children and to leave the matter of determining the cause of death to competent forensic pathologists.”
~Doctors for Public Welfare

Threat
President Duterte has threatened to kick out UP students who continue to hold protest actions against his administration saying they’re wasting people’s money. How about the people’s money spent on Mocha Uson and Duterte’s keyboard warriors? What do you call that, saving?

‘Wag kami.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kris Aquino on Instagram; @FabulousFlavius for Ricci Rivero’s photo]

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FROZEN

15 05 2015

KRIS AQUINO announced Friday on Instagram that she’s doing a movie with former almost boyfriend, Herbert Bautista. It will be helmed by Antoinette Jadaone who wrote ‘English Only Please’ – and directed ‘That Thing Called Tadhana.’ The Bistek-Krissy movie has two working titles: ‘That Thing Called Kampanya’ and “Senate Only Please.”

1kris
Ano ang iniisip ng tatlong tao sa picture?
HB: May choice ba ako? Political career ko na ang nakataya rito. Sayang din ang publicity at boto. Bahala na.

AJ: Smile na lang ako. Basta. Ayaw kong mag-elaborate. NO. Hindi n’yo ako mapipilit magsalita. AYAW KO.

KA: Ang bait mo talaga Lord. Lahat nang hilingin ko, ibinibigay mo. Care bears na lang sa mga naiinggit d’yan. #excited #kilig #KathNielvibe #JaDineAngPeg #nagsusumixteen

AMLC vs. Binays
According to the Anti-Money Laundering Council, the Binays’ own firm was also the supplier of the birthday cakes given to senior citizens of Makati City. The AMLC probe only proves that the Binays can have their cake and supply it too.

1kris
The AMLC has noted that the Binays’ trusted aide and alleged dummy, Gerry Limlingan earns only 30,000 pesos a month and yet he maintains bank deposits of almost 2 billion pesos. I wonder what his job is aside from filling out deposit and withdrawal slips.

The Court of Appeals has ordered a freeze on some 200 bank accounts and other assets of Vice President Binay, his kin, alleged dummies, and even former allies turned critics. Vice President Binay says the AMLC report is part of a conspiracy to destroy him. To which, the AMLC said, “What’s there to destroy?”

Punishment
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un reportedly executed his defense chief in public for falling asleep in meetings. The punishment was described by his loyal followers as “fair,” and by Lito Lapid as “harsh.”

1krisTragic
At least 72 factory workers were killed in a fire that hit a footwear factory in Valenzuela City last Wednesday. Curious observers want to know: What caused the fire? Why the huge number of fatalities? Why them, and not those elected officials who stole our money?

Questions
In 2004, FPJ’s citizenship was questioned when he ran for president. Today, the same issue is being used against Sen. Grace Poe who’s performing well in surveys. Poe is upset to hear reports that some groups are planning to question her citizenship. Meanwhile, Vice President Binay is also upset to hear that some groups are planning to question his race.

Mayor Lapid?
In 2016, Sen. Lito Lapid will seek the mayoralty of Angeles City in Pampanga. Voters were shocked. Lito Lapid is still a senator?!?

Calling his previous wins ‘tsamba,’ two-term senator Lito Lapid admits he is not suited for his job as a lawmaker. He has learned his lesson. Hopefully, the voters too.

1krisLifetime Ban
A lifetime ban has been imposed on PBA D-League coach Alvin Pua for punching a referee during a recent game. Pua, who was suspended six games in the past for mauling referees in two separate matches, was also fined half a million pesos. The PBA will ask the Samahang Basketball ng Pilipinas to ban Pua as well. Now jobless as a coach, Pua can now concentrate on his other passion: boxing.

Royal Monkey?
The management of a zoo in Japan has apologized for naming a baby monkey, ‘Charlotte‘ in honor of the new royal baby. Angry Britons suggested another name for the monkey: Camilla.
———————————————————————————————————————————
“Three groups spend other people’s money: children, thieves, politicians. All three need supervision.”
~Dick Armey

Sound Bites
“Hindi naman ako bagay dito. Tsamba-tsamba lang sa Panginoon at sa tulong ng aking mga kababayan.”
~Lito Lapid admitting that lawmaking wasn’t suited for him

“Siguro ang isang partido ay nanginginig na kasi ang pambato nila ay mababa pagdating sa survey. So desperate, ‘di ba?”
~Nancy Binay on AMLC’s report

Have a fun weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kris Aquino on Instagram; Binay: GMA News; Fire: Straits Times; Alvin Pua: GMA Network]





DERAILED

14 08 2014

1JP
DID YOU hear the news about the Aquino administration’s net satisfaction rating and retired Major General Jovito Palparan? Both have fallen.

Public satisfaction with the administration hits a new all-time low: from +45 in March to +29 in June. A worried President Aquino called Budget Sec. Butch Abad and asked if he could consider resigning again.

Jovito Palparan, the retired major general who was labeled as “The Butcher” by leftists has been arrested in Manila. The lone informant will receive a bounty of 2 million pesos. The NBI has submitted his name to the President, the DOJ and the BIR.

Reports say the intelligence operation to capture retired Major General Jovito Palparan was codenamed Project Runway. When arresting agents came face to face with Palparan though, they changed the operation code to Ambush Makeover.

The military operation to capture retired Major General Jovito Palparan was codenamed Project Runway. When he was finally nabbed in Manila, arresting officers told him, “‘Auf Wiedersehen!’

1Derailed
An MRT train overshot the railway and slammed right into the metal barrier. Reports say at least 36 passengers got injured. President Aquino told CNN it’s fewer than that.

Here’s what happened: Train 1 couldn’t advance to its destination. It was defective. Train 2 stepped in and tried to help push Train 1. The journey started smoothly. However, something wrong happened along the way resulting in Train 1’s crash. Just to be clear, this is a description of the MRT accident last Wednesday not the Noy-Mar tandem in 2010.

For months, analysts have been saying that the MRT has serious problems and that certain officials are at fault. Now that an accident has happened, expect them to cover their tracks.

1
After the near-disaster at the MRT that injured dozens of people, the official Twitter account of DOTC tweeted about a “technical problem” and apologized for the “inconvenience.” The tweet was even more disastrous.

A wayward MRT train overshot the railway and crashed into the metal barrier. What a loco-motive!

The driver of the derailed MRT train is now being investigated. Apparently, he’s still in shock. While being interviewed, he lost his train of thought.

Binay and MVP
Reports say tycoon Manny Pangilinan is being considered by Vice President Binay as a potential running mate in 2016. Interesting. One is an intelligent, hardworking guy who has made billions from his empire and the other one is Manny Pangilinan.

Dream On
On Wednesday, suspected plunderer Jinggoy Estrada reiterated he wanted to become the running mate of Vice President Binay in 2016. Binay almost replied, “What part of ‘No!’ don’t you understand?”

1NBINAY
Binay vs. Trillanes
Sen. Antonio Trillanes wants Vice President Binay to face a Senate inquiry on the alleged overpriced car park building in Makati City. An upset Sen. Nancy Binay said, “Hindi n’ya ho ka-level si Senator Trillanes. My father will not stoop down to his level.” When sought for reaction, Trillanes refused to stoop down to Nancy’s level.

Fat
The 8th National Nutrition Survey of the Food and Nutrition Research Institute showed 3 out of 10 Filipinos were overweight and obese. To those three, don’t be sad and don’t feel bad. Double chin up!

According to the same study, there are more fat Filipino women than men – which is understandable since they spend more time in the kitchen. #sexistjoke #sorry

Cheaters
A new study has revealed men over 5’10” are twice as likely to cheat on their partners. And Kris Aquino was like, “True!”
———————————————————
“Every disaster gives a warning before it comes; little or big, there is always a warning!”
~ Mehmet Murat ildan

Sound Bites
1Kristek
~Kris Aquino on ex-boyfriend Herbert Bautista

Ingat!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Rappler, Zhander Cayabyab/DZMM, DOTC, Aquino and Abunda Tonight]





SPECIAL TREATMENT

1 07 2014

1Senseless
AN 18-year-old student of the College of St. Benilde died due to fraternity hazing Saturday night. Malacañang has vowed to take swift action on the case athough nothing could be swifter than Tau Gamma Phi members fleeing the crime scene.

The grieving father of the hazing victim said his son wanted to back out but members of the Tau Gamma Phi Fraternity threatened to kill him if he’d quit. They did anyway.

1Nobel Prize
Rumors say the government is lobbying for a Nobel Peace Prize nomination for President Aquino. Noranians are hoping he gets snubbed.

On Tuesday, President Aquino admitted that he rejected the nomination of Nora Aunor for National Artist because of her drug conviction. Hi Mr. President, Year 2005 called. Mag-move on ka na raw!

Special Treatment
Detained lawmakers Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla have reportedly violated rules on visitation. Insiders reveal the PNP Custodial Center is allowing it. New Bilibid Prison officials slammed the head of the Custodial Center for his lack of originality.

Rappler reported that food was never a problem for the alleged plunderers. Unconfirmed reports say prison guards allow visitors to throw meat or live chicken toward them.

Suspension
Aside from Jinggoy Estrada’s suspension, government prosecutors are also asking the anti-graft court to suspend Bong Revilla from the Senate. If he gets suspended, Revilla won’t be able to work as a senator – if at all.

Arraigned
Jinggoy Estrada was arraigned Monday on charges of plunder and 11 counts of graft. The senator entered a plea of “not Sexy.”

1ongSandiganbayad
Associate Justice Gregory Ong of the Sandiganbayan is facing dismissal for allegedly fixing a case that benefited pork barrel queen Janet Napoles in 2010 and receiving millions of pesos in return. He definitely puts the ‘gory’ in Gregory.

When asked about a photo of him with Janet Napoles and Jinggoy Estrada, Sandiganbayan Associate Justice Gregory Ong said he did not know that it was Napoles in the picture. Even Janet Napoles was like, “Ulol!”

Black Propaganda
UNA spokesman Toby Tiangco is in the news again. This time, he is talking about yet another alleged demolition job against Vice President Binay. The demolition job, he says, will attempt to link the Vice President to the controversial Disbursement Acceleration Program or DAP. Binay is not worried – but he appreciates Tiangco’s efforts to get media mileage.

I am in awe of this Toby Tiangco. He outscoops every single journalist all the time when it comes to alleged this and alleged that. He’s the Kit Tatad of his generation.

11Kris, Again
On Sunday, presidential sister Kris Aquino spoke at length about her failed romance with Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista. Her monologue was likened to a State of the Nation Address. There were no accomplishments to trumpet.

“I had to learn that love endures, that love forgives, that love can actually be quiet, love can be selfless, it doesn’t blame no matter how much you’re hurting. Love doesn’t look for revenge and love has no regrets,” Kris explained. After which, she revealed that she’s the new spokesperson for Hallmark Cards.

Admitting that she “truly loved” Herbert Bautista, presidential sister Kris Aquino said, true love lets go “graciously.” And on nationwide TV.

Kris Aquino revealed that Herbert Bautista broke her heart. But she wants to still be friends with him. And she is not angry. And for the first time, she did not cry on TV. And she wants him to be happy. And she hopes for the best for him. And she won’t forget the mayor because he taught her “how to love unconditionally.” Also, because he visited and said sorry to Bimby – and that meant a lot to her. In short, this is not yet over people. You’ve been warned.

Child Abuse
In the news a few weeks back was Cebu Puericulture Center and Maternity House – where a newborn baby boy’s mouth was “taped” by a nurse to prevent him from crying. The latest: both camps have agreed to settle. The mom accepted compensation, and the maternity house offered to do something good for the community – specifically, put a surgical tape on Kris Aquino’s mouth.
———————————————————————————————
“Sometimes, loneliness makes the loudest noise.”
~Aaron Ben-Ze’ev

Sound Bites
“Wala pala talagang somewhere down the road para sa inyo and you can’t stop crying because ‘yong future na inakala mo, ‘yong pinagdarasal mo, that future that kept you going, that dream just disappears.”
~Kris Aquino

“We are going to pursue all those people who are instrumental in the heinous murder of this particular individual. This should not continue.”
~Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda on the death of a CSB student due to hazing

Poll Results
Sakaling ipag-utos ng Sandiganbayan ang pag-aresto kay Enrile, ano ang nararapat sa kanya?

-Camp Crame Detention Facility 80.46%
-Hospital Arrest 11.4%
-House Arrest 8.14%

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: PNP, Rappler, The Buzz]





PLUNDER, ANNE CURTIS, JELLYFISH AND OTHER STORIES

4 04 2014

IT’S ALMOST Holy Week. What have you given up for Lent? Smoking? Meat? Partying? That’s nothing compared to what Tanda, Pogi and Sexy are about to give up: freedom.

1plunder
For the first time in history, (three) senators have been indicted for plunder which is punishable by reclusion perpetua or life. And Senator Enrile was like, “Too late for that!”

Last Tuesday, the Office of the Ombudsman announced that it found probable cause to file plunder and graft charges against three senators, Janet Lim-Napoles, and their cohorts. According to the Ombudsman, Senator Enrile allegedly plundered P172 million; Jinggoy, P183 million, and Revilla, P242 million. To be fair to Bong, he’s a consistent topgrosser.

3Holy Land
Bong Revilla left for Jerusalem last week to pray. Last Tuesday, God gave an answer: No.

The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that Bong Revilla met with Ping Lacson last year and asked how the once-fugitive ex-senator evaded arrest during the Arroyo administration. As expected, Revilla denied the report. Besides, if he wanted to evade arrest, he wouldn’t consult Lacson. He’ll consult his sister, Ramona Bautista (Revilla).

Interviewed on dzMM, Bong Revilla insisted, “Wala akong kasalanan. Sa mga gumagawa nito sa akin, bahala na si Lord sa inyo.” In response, the Lord said, “Thou shall not namedrop.”

1napHospital Arrest-ish
Suspected pork barrel queen Janet Lim-Napoles is now confined at the Ospital ng Makati. The period of confinement as approved by the judge covers “pre-operative, intra-operative, and post operative procedures.” In layman’s terms, “para-paraan.”

While confined at the Ospital ng Makati or OsMak, Napoles will be treated by at least six doctors plus an anaesthesiologist from the posh St. Luke’s Medical Center. The doctors will be transported to OsMak by shuttle service marked, ‘This is where your taxes go.’

On Thursday, April 3, the Manila RTC issued a freeze order on Janet Lim-Napoles’s and her family’s assets including real properties and bank accounts. In other news, doctors from St. Luke’s Medical Center have denied reports they’ll be treating Napoles.

1capBerated
Last Monday, President Aquino slammed the cop who arrested fugitive land developer Delfin Lee for talking to the media about his recent sacking and reassignment. President Aquino described Senior Supt. Conrad Capa’s behavior as a “disservice” to the PNP. Delfin Lee described President Aquino as his idol.

Kris and Herbert
Presidential sister Kris Aquino and Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista are reportedly “dating.” The date is ‘2016.’

Match
Columnist Ramon Tulfo says only Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte can BEAT Vice President Jejomar Binay. He forgot Cedric Lee and friends.

1capAnne Curtis… Take 2!
It happened after midnight Tuesday at the birthday party of Vice Ganda. Reports say a drunk Anne Curtis shouted at young actor Sam Concepcion, “Why are you here? Who invited you? You are not classy enough to be here!” Sought for reaction, Concepcion said he’s still lucky Curtis didn’t threaten to buy him.

Moral of the story. Don’t drink and Anne.

ABS-CBN News reported that Anne Curtis got stung by a jellyfish Wednesday night. An investigation revealed that the jellyfish was a huge fan of Sam Concepcion.

A day after it was reported that a drunk Anne Curtis humiliated Sam Concepcion in a party, the Dyesebel star was stung by a jellyfish. ABS-CBN posted photos of Anne in a hospital bed. This morning, the jellyfish issued a statement denying participation in damage control.

Anne Curtis was reportedly stung by a jellyfish. The TV host/actress is now ok but the jellyfish has died of alcohol poisoning.
———————————————————————————————–
“The law of karma is the principle of cosmic justice that holds that all good actions will be rewarded and that all wicked actions will be punished. Sometime. Somehow. Somewhere.”
~Chanju Mun, Buddhism and Peace

Sound Bites
“The Filipino taxpayers deserve a break from the hubris and arrogance of many lawmakers and other executive officials who thought all along that callousness as a way of life will remain unchecked as long they are in a position of power.”
~Former Senator Panfilo Lacson

“You can’t set an example if you will baby your colleagues. It should be heavy because they did not explain the use of those huge funds reaching ghost beneficiaries. How can they explain they did not guard this?”
~ Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano

Poll Results
Ano ang reaksyon mo sa balitang sina Kris Aquino at Herbert Bautista na raw?

I DON’T CARE! 53.67%
Nangangamoy 2016 ang tema ng pag-ibig na ‘yan. 25.87%
Ok lang. Kung saan sila masaya, bahala sila. 10.42%
Bakit si Herbert? Sana iba na lang. 10.04%

Jail to the thief!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Thank you ANC, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Rappler, ABS-CBN News, YahooPh/CosmoPh]





KRISSY, BISTEK, AND CHOCOLATE CHIPS

29 03 2014

THE MOST FAMOUS presidential sister ever is in the news again. Is there truth to rumors that she’s in a relationship? Find out in this tell-all exclusive.

1kid
Hi Krissy!

Oh, hello! It feels great to be back. Promise! Alam mo naman ako, hectic ang sked. Araw-araw ang KrissyTV; I have to bring my sons to their swimming lessons; I had to entertain guests from Malaysia in Malacañang. May live show pa kami ni Boy every night, at na-chi-chismis na naman ako kung kani-kanino these days. Grabe! I’m so pagod. What’s the question again?

Wala pa akong tanong Krissy.

Wala pa ba? Nakakaloka. I thought you asked na! Aha-ha-ha! Anyway, go! You have 10 minutes. Ask anything. Now na.

Recently, nag-guest sa ‘Aquino & Abunda Tonight’ si Atty. Lorna Kapunan and before the interview ended, you told her, “I like you na.” Do you?

No! Aha-ha-ha I’m so honest talaga and prangka. Promise!

Does she like you?

I think so. Yeah. Eh lahat naman yata kayo like n’yo ako ‘di ba?! Kunwari, hate na hate si Krissy pero watch naman nang watch! Admit it! Hay naku. ‘Wag na tayong magpaka-ipokrito. Kilala ko kayo! Aha-ha-ha!

1kid
You were in Malacañang to witness the signing of the Comprehensive Agreement on Bangsamoro the other day. Agaw-eksena raw ang figure-hugging gown mo.

True! Aha-ha-ha! At nag-agree daw talaga ako! Care bears! Siyempre world leader ‘yong e-entertain ko ‘no! Nagpatahi talaga ako ng bagong gown para sa event na ‘yon. Ayoko namang mapahiya si Kuya Noy.

At tinalbugan mo raw ang First Lady ng Malaysia.

Oo naman! Aminin mo… mas mukha akong First Lady sa picture na ‘yan kesa sa kanya. Aha-ha-ha

Sabi nga nila, very Lupita ka raw.

Lupita Nyong’o? Of course!

No! Lupita Kashiwahara.

Aha-ha-ha! Nakakaloka ka. Hoy! Huwag mong tawanan ‘yong auntie ko. Nice sa akin ‘yon! By the way, can I just greet someone?

Go!

Hi Chocolate Chip! I’ll see you later. Sorry… I sounded so malandi. Aha-ha-ha

Sino si Chocolate Chip?

Ayokong sabihin!

Sige na! Konti lang naman tayong makakaalam.

No! Nag-promise ako sa Instagram followers ko na I will make it public in time. I’m not ready yet. O ‘di ba, pa-girl ako. Virgin?!? Aha-ha-ha

Fine. Si Daniel Matsunaga ba ‘to?

Noooo! Daniel is just a boy ‘no! He’s only 25. Helllllo!

But James Yap was only 22 then. Hellllllo!

Ay! Oo nga pala. Aha-ha-ha! Basta! Natuto na ako. It’s not Daniel.

Eh sino naman ‘yong governor daw sa Central Luzon na nalI-link din sa ‘yo?

Sino do’n? Aha-ha-ha Parang ang dami ‘no? No! Governor Abet Garcia is just a good friend. Investment ‘yan sa politics. Joooooke!

Ok. Ito na lang: Do you find Herbert Bautista cute?

NAKAKALOKA! Biglang segue sa kanya? Ahi-hi-hi!

Bakit parang kinikilig ka?

Gosh. Grabe ka. Hindi ‘no! Ahi-hi-hi!

Eh kasi biglang naging ahi-hi-hi ang aha-ha-ha mo!

Pati ba naman ‘yon napansin mo pa?! Kaloka!

Hindi mo pa sinasagot ang tanong ko Krissy. Do you find Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista cute?

Let’s put it this way…

Sandali! Bakit may “Let’s put it this way…?” Pwede namang YES or No lang ah.

I hate you naaaaa! Darla, penge ngang tubig. Nai-stress ako. Aha-ha-ha!

1kid
Again, do you find Mayor Bistek cute?

YES. Ay!!!! Hindi ko kinakaya ang sagot ko aha-ha-ha! Krissy… shut up. Enough na! Boy sorry!

Siya ba si Chocolate Chip?

Noooo, I don’t want to answer that. Tama na! Baka nagbabasa ng blog mo ‘yon, nakakahiya!

Nanliligaw ba siya sa ‘yo?

Ang kulit huh! Siya kaya ang tanungin n’yo! I don’t want people to think na ako ang babae, ako pa ang naghahabol. Hellllo! But he’s sweet. Ay! Ano ba ‘yung nasabi ko!? Aha-ha-ha Sorry Boy. Nag-promise akong sa Buzz unang magsasalita but here I am with my big mouth. Sorry talaga.

Kung manliligaw sa ‘yo si Mayor Bistek, anong problema n’ya may chance ba siya?

I’ve said enough. Sorry.

Ok, last. May mga nagsasabing gagamitin lang n’yo ang isa’t isa sa 2016 elections. Anong reaksyon mo?

Excuse me! Krissy is Krissy. Hindi ko kailangang manggamit para makuha ang isang bagay. And to be fair to Chocolate Chip, hindi siya gano’n.

Sino si Chocolate Chip?

Huh? May sinabi ba akong Chocolate Chip?!

Oo! Sabi mo, hindi user si Chocolate Chip.

WALA AKONG SINABING CHOCOLATE CHIP! Darla, may sinabi ba akong Chocolate Chip?

Yes po.

Sorry naman. Tao lang. Hindi ako perfect. Pretend na lang that you guys didn’t hear me say Chocolate Chip. And please, pwede bang mag-move on na tayo? DARLA, we need to talk later!

Push mo ‘yan ‘teh.

What did you say Darla?

Wala po.

Moving on… may lumabas na tsismis na baka raw ikaw ang gawing running mate ni Sec. Mar Roxas sa 2016.

Aha-ha-ha!

May nakakatawa?

Ikaw ang nagsabi n’yan.

So, papayag ka bang maging vice presidential candidate katambal si Mar Roxas?

Vice president kaagad? ‘Di ba pwedeng sa Quezon City muna? Joooooke! I’m sure lalagyan n’yo na naman ng kulay ang sinabi ko! Mga tsismoso!

Kung dalawa lang ang kandidato sa pagka-pangulo, sino ang iboboto mo: Binay o Roxas?

Ayaw kong makasakit ng damdamin. At ayaw kong ilagay sa isang awkward situation ang aking kapatid dahil s’ya ang chairman ng Liberal Party. So para wala na lang isyu at hindi na naman akong masabihang nakikisawsaw sa pulitika, quiet na lang ako. Binay.

So you’ll go for Binay?

May sinabi ba akong Binay?

You just said it.

HELLLLLOOOOO! WALA AKONG SINASABING BINAY! Darla, may sinabi ba akong Binay?

Yes po.

Hay naku. You guys are making fun of me naaaa. I hate you. Ayoko na ngang sumagot!

1kid
Ok… last na talaga. Let’s play Pinoy Henyo. Maglalaro kayo ni Darla. Kailangang mahulaan ni Darla ang mystery word by asking questions answerable only by Yes or No. Ikaw ang sasagot sa mga tanong niya.

Wait, anong premyo!

Wala lang. Happiness.

Bongga! Love ko ‘yan. Matagal na akong wala n’yan. Aha-ha-ha!

Krissy and Darla, you have two minutes. Ready? Go!

Mystery Word: BISTEK.

Tao po ba ‘to Ms Krissy?

Pwede!

Bagay?

Kami!

Bagay kayo?

I think so! Aha-ha-ha

Ang hirap naman. Damit ba ‘to?

No!

Pagkain ba ‘to Ms Krissy?

Oo!

Kinakain mo?

Soon! Jooooke! Aha-ha-ha

Again, kinakain mo ba ito Ms Krissy?

OO naman!

Masarap ba ito?

Parang. Aha-ha-ha!

Malaki ba ‘to?

Hindi ko pa alam. Aha-ha-ha Tawa na naman ako nang tawa. Naloloka na yata ako.

Maliit ba ito?

Physically?

Grabe ka naman Ms Krissy. Bakit may ‘physically?’ Kaloka! Makikita sa Metro Manila?

Yes! Guess ka pa! Basta nasa Metro Manila.

Pulubi?!

Gaga! Bakit naman ako kakain ng pulubi!

Ay sorry po. Ha-ha Kwek-kwek? Tokneneng? Kikiam? IUD? Adidas? Betamax?

Eeeew! Ikaw talaga Darla. Ano ba ‘yang mga kinakain mo?

Nasa Quezon City ba ‘to Ms Krissy?

May tama ka!

Steak?

Pwede!!!!!!

Beef Steak?

Yes!!!

Mahal ba ‘to?

Mahal ko na s’ya. Aha-ha-ha

Gaano kamahal?

OOOPS, TIME’S UP. Sorry Darla. Hindi mo nakuha. Krissy… sabihin mo sa kanya kung ano ang ating pinapahulaan.

I hate you Darla. Hmpf! Wala tuloy tayong napanalunang happiness. Anyway, ang mystery word ay walang iba kundi… Chocolate Chip!

Noooo! Anong chocolate chip? Hindi ‘yan ang word.

May sinabi ba akong chocolate chip?

Oo Krissy!

WALA AKONG SINABING CHOCOLATE CHIP. Darla, may sinabi ba akong Chocolate Chip?

Yes po.

Ay, ‘sensya ulit! Nalito lang. The mystery word is ‘Bistek.’

Mura lang naman ang BISTEK ah. Sabi mo kanina ‘mahal?’

Hoooy! Mahal ang masarap na bistek ‘no!

Hindi rin.

Basta!!! Mahal ko na siya. ‘Di ba Darla?

Push mo ‘yan!
————————————————————————————-
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

1kidSound Bites
“Last Friday nagkita kami ng anak ko. Siya ang nagsabi sa akin mismo kung sino. Politician. Tapos sabi sa akin ni Bimby, ‘Joke lang.’ After naming mag-swimming, sinabi sa akin ni Bimby na ito nga si ganito. Pero hindi ko pwedeng sabihin kung sino. Ayaw ko nang makialam, mamaya magalit pa sa akin si Kris.”
~James Yap on the rumored new boyfriend of his ex-wife Kris Aquino

Poll Results
Dapat bang palayain ang nadakip na mga lider ng CPP-NPA upang umusad daw ang peace talks?
NO! 83.46%
Hindi ko alam ang isyu. 10.24%
YES! 6.3%

Have a great week ahead!

[Photos: Kris Aquino’s Instagram account, Quezon City.Gov.Ph, and ABS-CBN News]








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