1-ON-1

FEBRUARY 17, Ash Wednesday marks the first day of Lent. So don’t be surprised at Napocor’s announcement that power rates are set to soar. Simula na ng Mahal na Araw.

One on One
Have you heard of the planned face-off between presidential candidates Noynoy Aquino and Manny Villar? The Liberal Party and the Nacionalista Party refer to it as a debate. I call it trending.

Sen. Manuel Villar Jr. has accepted Sen. Noynoy Aquino’s challenge for a one on one debate. However, the two parties couldn’t agree on the venue for the planned showdown. Noynoy wants to do it at SCTEx; Villar prefers C-5 Road.

Sen. Noynoy Aquino has dared Sen. Manuel Villar to a one on one debate. Villar accepted the challenge and asked Noynoy to “name the place, name the time, and I will be there” – to which Gilbert Remulla, Adel Tamano and Alan Peter Cayetano chorused, “Ows? Promise?!?”

Sen. Jamby Madrigal has also expressed interest in joining the highly anticipated debate. The lady senator reiterates she’s ready to debate anytime with anybody… except for Judy Ann Santos.

Noynoy Cries ‘Bias’
Sen. Noynoy Aquino accuses debate moderator, journalist Antonio Lopez of bias for Sen. Manny Villar during Tuesday’s presidential forum organized by the Philippine Chamber of Commerce and Industry. An awkward moment ensued when an annoyed Noynoy asked Lopez, “Who do you think you are, Ted Failon?”

Top 5 Signs that Moderator Antonio Lopez Was Biased Against Noynoy Aquino During Tuesday’s Presidential Forum

No. 5: While Villar was answering a question, Lopez interrupted him twice and said, “That’s right!” and “Exactly!” While Noynoy was answering a question, Lopez interrupted him twice and said, “Yeah right!” and “Whateverrrr, bitch!”

No. 4: After asking a question, Lopez would inform Noynoy, “You have two minutes to answer.” After asking a question, Lopez would inform Villar, “Take your time and think of an answer.”

No. 3: During his opening, Lopez introduced Villar as “the next president” and introduced Noynoy, as “the next rap star.”

No. 2: During his closing, Lopez praised Villar for his humility; applauded Gordon for his honesty; commended Gibô for his wits, and envied Noynoy for his new Berluti shoes.

And the No. 1 sign that PCCI forum moderator Antonio Lopez was biased against Noynoy…

Whenever Noynoy has answered a question, Lopez would ask the crowd, “Naniniwala ba kayo?” And whenever Villar has answered a question, Lopez would ask them, “Wala ba kayong mga kamay?”

In Other News…
Trillanes Can Post Bail

A Makati City judge has granted the request of detained senator Antonio Trillanes for temporary liberty. No wonder, security has been heightened at The Manila Peninsula.

DOH and Condoms
Volunteer health workers from the Department of Health distributed free condoms last Valentine’s Day weekend. Despite criticisms from Catholic bishops, the health workers continued to give away free condoms last Monday… until they were abducted by military men and brought to a safe house in Morong, Rizal.

Photo of the Weak

Ano ang iyong magiging reaksyon kapag nakasalubong mo siya at inabutan ka niya ng kanyang infamous bracelet?
A: “So, ito pala! Ito pala ‘yung ‘pinamudmod mo noong libing ni Tita Cory?”
B: (Sings) “Si Villar ang tunay na mahirap. Si Villar ang tunay na may malasakit!”
C: “How sweet of you madam! Matutuwa si Brownie. May bago na naman siyang toy.”
D: “Hindi ako kumakain ng bracelet! I’m a vegetarian.”
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“A politician’s goal is always to manipulate public debate. I think there are some politicians with higher goals. But all of them get corrupted by power.”
~Dean Koontz

Survey Says
Should celebrity endorsers (including actors & mass media personalities) take a leave from work during the campaign period?
DAPAT LANG. 47%
HINDI NA KAILANGAN. 39%
I DON’T CARE. 14%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

HOLY FLU!


Swine Flu Virus
The biggest news of the week? The human swine flu virus. And Filipinos are getting worried. In fact, they’ve never been this worried since Mar Roxas announced on “Wowowee” that Korina Sanchez is the country’s next First Lady.

Swine Flu Virus II
The human swine influenza virus has already killed hundreds and infected thousands worldwide. The spread of the virus is alarming. To give you an idea how alarming it has become, for the first time in history, Jose De Venecia and his fellow congressmen are avoiding pork.

Swine Flu Virus III
The World Health Organization has raised the alert level on the human swine flu virus to Phase 4, meaning there is sustained human-to-human transmission of the virus. But senators, congressmen, and other corrupt politicians have nothing to worry about because there has yet to be a documented case of human-to-crocodile transmission.

Solons to Vegas
Reports say a large number of congressmen led by House Speaker Prospero Nograles are flying off to Las Vegas to watch the Manny Pacquiao-Ricky Hatton bout on Sunday. Fact is, if they wanted to debate on Charter Change they can freely do since their number in Vegas constitutes a quorum.

Pacquiao on TIME
Final results of a TIME Magazine survey showed that Manny Pacquiao was voted the 22nd “most influential” person in the world. When Sen. Lito Lapid heard this he said, “Influential? Naku, dapat magpa-check up na siya. Baka dahil sa swine virus ‘yan!”

Quintuplets
Did you hear about the 27-year-old housewife who gave birth last Sunday to a set of quintuplets? Yesterday, Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez (as shown on ABS-CBN newscasts) visited the woman and her babies. Roxas and Sanchez became emotional when they saw the babies… mainly because they never expected to see such an adorable bunch of election paraphernalia.

Korina On Leave
ABS-CBN announced that Korina Sanchez is taking a leave of absence from her radio program starting May 9. Ted Failon is wondrin’ why women close to his heart are leaving him.

peta_bikini No to Zoos
Barely-clad female members of the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) staged a protest action at the Manila Zoo to urge the management to release the animals to their natural habitat. Tomorrow, they will picket the House of Representatives to call for the release of some 270 crocodiles in captivity.

No to Zoos II
Four bikini-clad women from the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) picketed the Manila Zoo on Tuesday to urge the public to boycott zoos. Sen. Jamby Madrigal says she would support PETA’s call… only if the women would stage similar protests in five more zoos.

juday-ryan Juday and Ryan Wedding
Judy Ann Santos and Ryan Agoncillo have tied the knot in a very private ceremony in San Juan, Batangas Tuesday morning. Thank goodness they were not running in 2010! Otherwise, the wedding would have been held at the “Wowowee” studios.

Earth Day: A Postscript
A week ago, the world celebrated Earth Day. In observance of the significant event, environmental groups planted seedlings; local governments cleaned up rivers, and Vicki Belo recycled her face.

Elsewhere…

My favorite gossip columnist, Vic Agustin of the Manila Standard Today has written an intriguing article. Do you know Leo Magno?

Newsbreak magazine has an update on the jueteng operation in Ilocos Norte.

And for fellow fanatics of our Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers, you can check out this blog for pre-and post-game analyses.

Personal
The Professional Heckler is on Twitter. Search for either: Professional Heckler or heckler8. See you there. (Of late though, people couldn’t find me there. I tried using the “Find People” button but i myself g0t zero results. Dunno why. Sigh.)
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“Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.”
~Buddha

GIRL POWER


Forbes’ Most Powerful Women
According to the newly-released ranking of Forbes Magazine, President Arroyo is the 41st most powerful woman in the world today. Mrs. Arroyo was cited for having survived three impeachment attempts, three coup plots, and three bouts with upset stomach and diarrhea.

President Arroyo is the 41st most powerful woman in the world today. That’s 10 places higher than her previous position. The ranking was based on press mentions, economic growth, wealth, and in Mrs. Arroyo’s case, the ability to create a new nation within a nation.

President Arroyo is one of the most powerful women in the world today… to which the First Gentleman said, “Of course I know. ‘Coz she’s always on top!”

Tax Evader?
The Supreme Court junked actress Judy Ann Santos’ motion to review the tax evasion case filed against her by the Bureau of Internal Revenue in 2005. Sought for a reaction, Juday told the Philippine Daily Inquirer, “Ipapasa-Diyos ko na lang ito,” to which the Lord said, “Ipapasa na naman? Ano ka Meralco?”

Anti-Corruption Center
Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez says the first ever institution in Asia that will focus on the study of corruption will be built here in the Philippines… mainly because we can supply the most number of experts on the subject.

Meralco Refund
The Manila Electric Company will start giving meter deposit refund plus interest to an estimated 1.8 million Meralco residential customers in November. To complement Meralco’s pa-pogi and pa-underdog campaign, Judy Ann Santos will be asked to shoot another infomercial… in jail.

FAMOUS, INFAMOUS

null Unpopular

According to the Social Weather Stations, only 22% of Filipinos were satisfied with President Arroyo’s performance. The news did not come as a surprise to First Gentleman Mike Arroyo mainly because her performance has not satisfied him for years either.

Unpopular II

Only 1 out of 5 Filipinos are satisfied with President Arroyo’s performance… meaning, when she’s at the dinner table with the First Gentleman, Luli, Dato, and Mikey, she’s the only one satisfied with her performance.

Unpopular III

Dismissing President Arroyo’s historic-low approval rating, her allies stressed that the presidency is not about popularity, and cited her determination to fight poverty, corruption, and organizations like the Abu Sayyaf, the New People’s Army, and more recently, SWS and Pulse Asia.

GMA’s SONA

July 28, 2008 is a special day for both the administration and the opposition. President Arroyo will deliver her 8th State of the Nation Address on that day while the opposition is celebrating the 8th anniversary of its failure to unseat her.

Top 5 Rumors About President Arroyo’s Sona that Were Dismissed by Malacañang As Untrue

5: Her speechwriter refuses to review the draft speech because every time she does, she would always throw up.

4: People at the gallery who shall applaud her speech will get instant gas coupons per applause.

3: To show her empathy for the masses who are most affected by the skyrocketing cost of petroleum products, she’ll go to Batasan Complex on foot.

2: In 2001, she invited three Payatas children ak.a. “Bangkang Papel” boys to highlight her government’s campaign against poverty. This year, to underscore the government’s fight against terrorism, she has invited Jimmy Encarnacion, Angelo Valderrama, and Ces Drilon (minus the makeup).

And the No. 1 rumor about President Arroyo’s Sona that was dismissed by Malacañang as untrue…

1: Judy Ann Santos will deliver a speech right after the president’s Sona to explain the state of the nation further.

The Lucida-DS Case

United Shelter Health Products, the local distributor of the controversial Lucida-DS whitening drug refused to withdraw its products from the market and insisted that the Bureau of Food and Drugs’ claim that Lucida-DS contained insufficient glutathione was a mistake. Coincidentally, United Shelter has withdrawn its deal with Sen. Loren Legarda and insisted that the decision to get her as endorser was a mistake too.

Terrorists All?

Headline from Mindanao: Catholics in the South getting threats from suspected Abu Sayyaf
Headline in Manila: Pro-choice politicians getting threats from Catholic priests

Personal

Brian Gorrell, the controversial Australian-Canadian blogger and florist who exposed the debauchery and nefariousness of the so-called Gucci Gang has cited this blog in his recent blog post. His flattering compliment and endorsement have helped this site (The Professional Heckler) establish its own weekend readership record of sorts for the month of July. Thank you Brian. And keep on fighting.

SULPICIO AND MERALCO

null
The M/V Princess of the Stars Disaster

The sinking of M/V Princess of the Stars was Sulpicio Lines’ fourth maritime disaster. To keep up with its reputation, the Chinese owner will rename the company soon, and call it Soulpicio Lines.

The pilot episode of Harapan, ABS-CBN’s new late-night show hosted by Korina Sanchez and Ted Failon asked the question: “Sino ang dapat sisihin sa paglubog ng M/V Princess of the Stars?” Sulpicio Lines claimed the Coast Guard allowed it to sail. The Coast Guard said PAGASA’s forecast wasn’t accurate. Ted and Korina believe Winston Garcia and the GSIS were to blame.

Top 5 “If Sulpicio Lines were Meralco” Statements

5: It would defy any Coast Guard order to postpone its trip.

4: It wouldn’t compensate surviving relatives of the victims unless the Supreme Court rules otherwise.

3: It would release a series of prints ads explaining that sea tragedies also happen in Cebu, Davao and other areas where commercial sea vessels operate.

2: It would use its radio and TV stations to criticize the typhoon.

And the No. 1 “If Sulpicio Lines were Meralco” statement…

1: Judy Ann Santos would be on television right now comparing a ship sailing in stormy seas to a melting block of ice.

RANSOM

Abu Sayyaf Wants P15-M null

Abductors of reporter Ces Drilon, her cameraman, and a university professor are demanding 15 million pesos for their freedom. But Drilon’s employer – the Lopezes refuse to pay the ransom. They’ll just fight the abductors through a series of full-page newspaper ads.

null Indanan, Sulu Mayor Alvarez Isnaji was reportedly handpicked by the al-Qaeda-linked Abu Sayyaf to negotiate with the families of the kidnap victims. Isnaji is flattered. He wasn’t trusted that much when he was still with the Abus.

Mayor Alvarez Isnaji said he was able to talk to Ces Drilon who told him about the 15 million peso-ransom demand. Isnaji said Ces sounded very sad… mainly because she’s been in captivity for more than a week now and her stock of mascara is running out fast.

Mayor Isnaji told reporters that Ces Drilon appealed for her release saying she’s been feeling homesick already. Asked by Isnaji what she missed the most, Ces allegedly replied, “Rustan’s.”

This Just In! A new infomercial featuring Judy Ann Santos will be aired soon. The script has been leaked and we’re printing it here first! So here goes…

MERALCO REFUND
Radio 30s

MSC: UP AND UNDER

JUDY ANN SANTOS: Ang paniningil ng bills ng Meralco ay parang kidnapping lang.

SFX: OLD CLIPS OF CES DRILON DOING RADIO REPORTS

JUDY ANN SANTOS: Hindi mo namamalayan, inaagaw na pala sa ‘yo

SFX: CES’ FAMILY APPEALING FOR HER RELEASE

JUDY ANN SANTOS: Pero ang pagbabalik sa labis na singil, hindi dapat minamadali. May negosasyong kailangang gawin. May guidelines na dapat sundin.

SFX: SIREN UP AND UNDER

JUDY ANN SANTOS: Pero ‘wag kang mainip. Darating din ang rescue.

SFX: MORTAR, MACHINE GUNS

JUDY ANN SANTOS: ‘Yun nga lang. ‘Di mo sure kung buhay ka pa pagdating ng refund.

MSC: MERALCO THEME… MAY LIWANAG ANG BUHAY

Parasites

The Department of Health says 5 of 10 schoolchildren have intestinal worms. But that’s nothing compared to persistent rumors that 245 in 250 Batasang Pambansa offices have crocodiles.

DA BOY IS DEAD

null Rudy Fernandez, 56

Actor Rudy Fernandez who died last Saturday, June 7 will be laid to rest on June 12, Independence Day. Everyone is expected to attend the interment of the beloved action star. His family will be there, his fellow actors will surely come, and ordinary stunt men will be present too. Expected to arrive last are the cops.

null Rudy Fernandez is dead at 56. Among the four bosom buddies: Rudy, Philip Salvador, Jinggoy Estrada, Bong Revilla, Daboy is said to be the nicest. I won’t be surprised if Jinggoy dies last.

null A couple of friends say Rudy’s well-educated and well-mannered sons, Ralph (Ateneo) and Renz (UP) looked drugged (naka-droga) during the first night of the wake because they barely slept. Or maybe, it wasn’t Ralph or Renz they saw – baka si Mark.

Sen. Bong Revilla said he wished someone shouted cut (just like in a movie shoot) when he felt Rudy was already dying. That’s the exact same thing we had in mind when you were being proclaimed as a senator.

null Interviewed on The Buzz, former president Joseph Estrada said, “Kung hindi ako pinatalsik sa puwesto, mananalong mayor ng Quezon City si Rudy.” Nananahimik na ‘yong tao, dinadamay pa sa bitterness.

Reactions to Rudy’s Death

Boots Anson-Roa:“He’s a great loss.”

Gina Alajar: “He’s a big loss.”

Judy Ann Santos: “He’s a systems loss.”

In Other News… null

Officials of the Manila Electric Company announced that Meralco customers will get only partial refund of their meter deposits. Meralco’s top priority right now is the full payment of Judy Ann Santos’ huge talent fee.

People are asking why an actress like Judy Ann Santos who absolutely knew nothing about power generation and its costs would appear in a misleading commercial. These people obviously didn’t get it. That’s precisely the reason why Juday was convinced to appear in the commercials – she knows nothing!

Judy Ann Santos continues to appear in Meralco’s infomercials – further fueling speculations that Ted and Korina are not doing their jobs effectively.

Judy Ann Santos continues to appear in Meralco’s infomercials. That’s the best way to complement the efforts of DZMM’s primetime programs.

Mark Lapid’s New Post

Defeated Pampanga gubernatorial candidate Mark Lapid has been appointed as acting general manager of the Philippine Tourism Authority. Don’t expect too much though ‘coz he’s just “acting.”

Enjoy the rest of the week!