HYPERSEXUALIZED

ME
A WEEK AFTER Senator Juan Ponce Enrile exposed Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s “psychiatric” report, the lady lawmaker made public Senator Enrile’s criminal record.

In a privilege speech, Senator Santiago said Juan Ponce Enrile was a smuggler, a tax evader, a plunderer, a human rights violator, and a historical revisionist. The entire speech was disappointing! She didn’t tell us anything we didn’t know.

DJ-Enrile
While Senator Santiago was attacking Senator Enrile, the old man was playing Bejeweled. Ibang level ka Tanda!

Reacting to Senator Santiago’s allegation that he’s a “psychopathic hypersexualized serial womanizer,” Senator Enrile said, “Siya mismo ang nagsabing ako ay maasim kaya kung may napilantikan sa aking asim, siguro naman ay dahil mayroon pa naman akong magandang tindig.” Gigi Reyes said, “I know, right?”

Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile said, “Si [Miriam] mismo ang nagsabing ako ay maasim kaya kung may napilantikan sa aking asim, siguro naman ay dahil mayroon pa naman akong magandang tindig.” Apparently, Enrile has a love life; he’s almost 90 years old. What’s your excuse?

According to Senator Santiago, Enrile owns a 441-hectare free port which operates recreational facilities like horse-racing, dog racing, gambling casinos, and golf courses. And Anne Curtis was like, “I’d like to buy that!”

Senator Santiago used words and phrases like “integrity of a hyena,” “hypersexualized,” “rancid genes,” “broken chromosomes,” “asinine,” “oxymoron,” and “non-sequitur.” During Santiago’s speech, Senator Enrile was seen holding a tablet. Jinggoy Estrada was seen holding a glass of water, and Bong Revilla was seen holding a dictionary.

RBResigned
Accused of pocketing almost 2 million pesos in pork barrel funds, former congressman Ruffy Biazon resigned as customs chief. Liberal partymates of Biazon say the embattled ex-solon quit his post out of delicadeza. Again, delicadeza – or as Pogi, Tanda, and Sexy would say, “What’s that?”

Family Day
Over the weekend, the Pacquiao family went to a nearby mall to watch a movie. But the People’s Champ got upset and decided to just go home when he learned that the only film being screened was “Frozen.”

Forever
The 16-year-old wife of Freddie Aguilar vowed to be the folk singer’s “last.” The girl optimistically talks about their future. I just hope Ka Freddie makes it there.

Unfollow
Facebook has unveiled its latest feature that allows users to block content they don’t want to see from their friends. Facebook called this new feature the UNFOLLOW button. To which Twitter said, “Hashtag #Sinotto!”

uefaAnneYareh?
Magazine publisher JR Isaac told the Philippine Entertainment Portal that a miffed (and possibly, drunk or whatever) Anne Curtis slapped some celebrities at the Privé Luxury Club recently. During the incident, Anne reportedly told model Phoemela Barranda, “’I can buy you, your friends, and this club!” The other day, Barranda denied that Curtis uttered those words. Bought.

Odd Job
Pope Francis revealed that he once worked as a club bouncer in Buenos Aires.  Where was Pope Francis when Privé needed him most?
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“We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them.”
~ George Orwell, 1984

Sound Bites
“He was a foul caricature of himself, a man with no soul, no inner convictions, with the integrity of a hyena and the style of a poison toad.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

“Hindi ako pumasok ng gobyerno para mandugas or to use government resources to make my life easy and comfortable.”
~COA Chair Grace Pulido-Tan

Drink moderately!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[PHOTOS: ANC, DJ Sta. Ana, RuffyBiazon.Com, PinoyExchange]

PATOLA

11.25
SENATOR JUAN Ponce Enrile delivered a personal rant privilege speech Wednesday afternoon. He devoted 40 precious Senate minutes to not talking about the pork barrel scam.

In his 20-page speech, Senate majority leader Juan Ponce Enrile lashed out at Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago. He called the feisty lawmaker inane, psychotic, deranged, and schizophrenic.  Sought for reaction, Senator Miriam said, “Kaloka s’ya!

On Wednesday, Nov. 27, Senator Enrile delivered a privilege speech. He spent 40 minutes reading a 20-page psychiatric report.

Supporters of Sen. Manny Villar denied rumors they released Senator Santiago’s alleged psychiatric record.

Senator Enrile also mocked Senator Santiago’s performance  in the bar exams. He revealed that her final grade was only 76. Enrile will never forget that number because that was his age when Miriam passed the bar.

Reacting to Senator Santiago’s “May asim pa si Tanda” quip, the 89-year-old lawmaker said, “Hindi ako naaasiman sa kanya.” Apparently, stem cell treatment doesn’t just stop aging. It makes you think and behave like a 7-year-old.

In his speech, Senator Enrile dismissed some of Senator Santiago’s allegations as fabricated. The veteran politician said, “I never murdered anyone during all of my almost 90 years on this planet.” To which, the ‘70s reacted, “Ulol!”

Senator Enrile said he’s never murdered nobody during all of his almost 90 years on the planet. Well, there was almost one. But fake ambush doesn’t count, right?

Senate majority leader Juan Ponce Enrile insisted, “I never murdered anyone during all of my almost 90 years on this planet.” When Ferdinand Marcos heard this, he slapped Satan.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago declined to comment on Senator Enrile’s speech. However, she promised to retaliate on December 4. In related news, the Mayan prophecy has been re-scheduled this year.

ALManny vs. BIR
The BIR is going after Sarangani Representative Manny Pacquiao for more than P2B in unpaid taxes. Some lawmakers lament, “How can you do this to our boxing champion? He brought pride and honor to our country.” I guess I have to drop my plans of not filing a complete and accurate ITR next year. I have to bring honor and pride to this country first.

Some lawmakers are criticizing the BIR for doing its job. Are you out of your mind? Have you guys forgotten that the BIR is responsible for collecting billions of pesos you’ll eventually plunder? How ungrateful!

On Manny Pacquiao’s tax evasion case, a furious Mommy Dionisia told ABS-CBN News, “Pira na lang sila nang pira. ‘Yung nangurakot sa gobyerno ba’t ‘di nila tinutukan!” This has prompted Tanda, Pogi, and Sexy to reply, “O, ba’t naman kami nadamay d’yan!”

Abdul Farid
Controversial folk singer Freddie Aguilar has married his girlfriend. Close friends of Ka Freddie say the 16-year-old girl is beautiful; his family says the girl is nice, and ex-congressman Romeo Jalosjos says the girl is old.

ALPEOPLE’s Choice
Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine is PEOPLE Magazine’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ for 2013. Better luck next time, Jinggoy.

PEOPLE Magazine has named Adam Levine as the Sexiest Man Alive. A number of people were disappointed with the choice of the Maroon 5 frontman. Well, at least it was not E.R. Ejercito.

Delicadeza
Taking ‘political responsibility’ for a tragic supermarket collapse that killed at least 54 people and injured dozen others, Latvia’s Prime Minister Valdis Dombrovskis and his government resigned. When President Aquino heard this, he asked, “Don’t they have a previous administration to blame?”
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“Age is no guarantee of maturity.”
~Lawana Blackwell

Sound Bites
“I’m very disappointed because what I’m doing is protecting the interest of the government at lahat ng tao dapat sumunod sa batas. Eh ‘di ba congressman siya? Siya dapat ang unang-unang susunod sa mga batas sa Pilipinas, at siya ang unang dapat makaintindi na kung may nilabag siyang batas ay may consequence ‘yan.”
~BIR Commissioner Kim Henares

“Kawawa naman. Political Henaresment ang ginagawa.”
~Sen. JV Ejercito

“He gave inspiration to the victims, ‘tapos gano’n?!”
~ Sen. Tito Sotto

whatever.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GMA Network, ABS-CBN News, PEOPLE]