HYPOCRITES AND COWARDS

THE PRIEST who humiliated an unwed, teenage mom during a baptismal ceremony in Mandaue City, Cebu has issued an apology. Fr. Romeo Obach apologized for his “rude attitude.” He admitted that the incident has taught him an important lesson: never allow the use of camera phones inside the church.

1Rector
A Catholic priest officiating a baptismal ceremony in Mandaue City was caught on video condemning the baby’s unwed mom. Berating the woman, Fr. Romeo Obach said, “You are shameless. You slept with a man who is not even your husband.” To protect her privacy, the woman was identified in some news reports only as “alias Kris Aquino.”

To the teenage mom’s relatives, Fr. Romeo Obach asked, “Is she being a good Christian? Will you spread your legs for a man you barely know?” It’s 2014 Father. You have no freakin’ idea!

Father Obach’s congregation, the Redemptorists of the Province of Cebu has denounced his “unacceptable act.” While the group considers Obach “a good missionary,” it has vowed to impose appropriate sanctions once the ongoing probe is completed. In punishing members and allies who commit mistakes, the Congregation wants to set a good example to parishioners, priests, and the Aquino administration!

1AGigi
The Sandiganbayan ordered the transfer of Gigi Reyes to the BJMP jail at Camp Bagong Diwa, Bicutan, Taguig City. The anti-graft court denied her petition to be detained in Camp Crame. Prosecutors hailed the ruling as a victory for justice, taxpayers, and Cristina Enrile.

Lawyer Jessica Lucila ‘Gigi’ Reyes is now detained in a regular jail with hardened criminals. The once powerful and influential Senate chief of staff couldn’t believe these things are happening. She feels awful, horrible, and defeated. In short, Butch Abad.

Senator Enrile’s influential former chief of staff Gigi Reyes was ordered transferred to a regular jail for women in Bicutan. I heard she’s the 24th inmate.

Gigi Reyes is now in Bicutan, Taguig. That makes her Taguig’s 3rd senator.

Snubbed
Sen. JV Ejercito visited Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile in Camp Crame the other day. But the neophyte lawmaker did not visit his half-brother Jinggoy Estrada who’s also jailed in Camp Crame. Sources say JV opted to return to work instead of checking on a depressed Jinggoy. You know, business before pleasure.

Pre-trial
For his defense, Bong Revilla wants to present as witnesses President Aquino, former president Arroyo, Budget Sec. Butch Abad, Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales, Justice Sec. Leila De Lima, COA Chair Grace Pulido-Tan and his closest friends and supporters at GMA Network, among others. Star-studded! If all else fails, he’ll call Nardong Putik, Tiagong Akyat, Bertong Suklab, Tonyong Bayawak, Elias Paniki, Joaquin Bordado, Pepeng Kuryente and Pepeng Agimat to back him up.

Napoles
Suspected pork barrel queen Janet Lim-Napoles reportedly sent a note to the CBCP asking that she be taken into protective custody by the bishops. The CBCP didn’t take it seriously because the note was sent with a box of ensaymada.

Exclusive! The note sent by Napoles to the CBCP:

1JEN

World Cup
Everyone’s talking about Brazil’s heartbreaking and humiliating 1-7 loss to Germany in the semifinals of the 2014 FIFA World Cup. Germany scored its first five goals in a span of only 19 minutes! Brazil’s defense was even worse than Malacañang’s defense of DAP.

At last, it’s the World Cup finals! Germany takes on Argentina. This 2014 World Cup has been going on for like almost a month! Yes, that long. In fact, when the first match of this World Cup started, Herbert Bautista was still in love with Kris Aquino.

When the first match of this World Cup started, Butch Abad’s DAP was “still” constitutional.

When the first match of this World Cup started, Imelda Marcos was only 84!

Wanted: Coward
One of the suspects in the death of hazing victim Guillo Cesar Servando of the College of St. Benilde has fled the country. Kevin John Navoa of the Tau Gamma Phi fraternity reportedly left in haste: no luggage, no clothes, and definitely, no balls!

1upUAAP
Season 77 of the UAAP officially begins on Saturday, July 12. Reports say prominent fans will be cheering for their favorites. There’s Vice Ganda for FEU; Mike Enriquez for DLSU, and Imelda Marcos for Ateneo.

Secret Wedding
Nine years ago on July 10, Kris Aquino and James Yap had a secret wedding at Boy Abunda’s home in Quezon City. His marriage to the Multimedia Queen confirmed suspicions that James was a masochist.
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“Ah, you coward! Look at you, running.”
~Jonathan Stroud, Heroes of the Valley

Sound Bites
“These are the hypocrites of today – the ones who clericalize the church, who keep the people of God from salvation.”
~Pope Francis on priests who refuse to baptize children of unwed moms

#StopHazing

[Photos: Children of God Blog, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Kris Aquino IG, Solar Sports]

SEX, LIES, AND SENATORS


ASH WEDNESDAY marks the start of Lent. Usually, Christians give up something for Lent. Some people give up certain food or drink while others give up smoking. Benhur Luy gave up his lawyer.

The Pope
Pope Francis accidentally uttered the Italian equivalent of the word ‘fuck’ while delivering a sermon at the Vatican’s Apostolic Palace the other day. Instead of saying caso (meaning, example), the Pope uttered Adele Dazeem.

SUPERMANThe Affair
Senate Minority Leader Juan Ponce Enrile’s estranged wife Cristina appeared on Winnie Monsod’s talk show last Monday. Cristina confirmed that Enrile and his former chief of staff, lawyer Gigi Reyes were having an affair. Or as the Pope would accidentally say, ‘f*cking.’

Of the Enrile-Gigi Reyes romance, Cristina Enrile said, “I dont’ think it’s an affair anymore. It’s a necessity. He needs her for his work.” To which, Janet Lim-Napoles said, “I know, right?”

According to Senate Minority Leader Juan Ponce Enrile, Cristina’s revelations were just “suspicions of a wife.” In the same interview, Cristina said Enrile was a womanizer but he was never a thief. Of course, that’s just a suspicion of a wife.

Cristina Enrile told Mareng Winnie that Senator Enrile had 38 different affairs. Thirty-eight! Or as Ramon Revilla Sr. would say, “Beginner.”

Taxes
It’s the tax season once again. Corrupt lawmakers and politicians call it Christmas.

SUPERMAN
The Bureau of Internal Revenue has launched a new campaign against tax evaders. The BIR’s message is very clear. There are two types of taxpayers: the honest ones, and doctors.

The BIR’s controversial print ad carried the message: “When you don’t pay your taxes, you’re a burden to those who do.” And Lucio Tan was like, “Whatevs.”

Richest
Forbes has released its list of the world’s billionaires. The Philippines has 10. The wealthiest list includes Henry Sy, Lucio Tan, Andrew Tan, Enrique Razon, John Gokongwei Jr., David Consunji, George Ty, Ton Tan Caktiong, Robert Coyiuto Jr., and Andrew Gotianun. In the Forbes article, these men shared some tips on how to get rich. Tip No. 1: You should be Chinese.

Forbes has released the list of the world’s wealthiest people. Ten billionaires came from the Philippines: Sy, Tan, another Tan, Gokongwei. Consunji, Caktiong, Coyiuto, Gotianun, Ty and Spanish mestizo Razon. The list was “so Chinese” even Enrique Razon doubted his Spanish lineage for a moment.

Shamed
In Tanauan City, Batangas… a man who stole dried fish was publicly shamed by the mayor by making him walk, hands tied behind him, through the city streets with the sign, “Ako ay magnanakaw.” The remorseful man begged for compassion and forgiveness so the mayor agreed to change the sign to “Ako ay senador.”

The Commission on Human Rights says what the mayor did to the suspected thief was “a clear, gross violation of human rights.” But according to the mayor identified as Thony Halili, the man was a repeat offender and there was “no other way of making him stop other than shaming him.” Halili’s action was lauded by BIR Commissioner Kim Henares.

[Personal: I’d like to meet the mayor and ask why his first name has an h. I’m really bothered.]

movieKris and Bimby
In her talk show, Kris Aquino revealed that her 6-year-old son Bimby once asked her, “Mama, so Kuya and I have different papas, right? So that means you had sex with two men?” You have no idea kid. You have no idea.

At six, Bimby surprisingly knows things about sex. In other news, President Aquino is 54. #WalaLang
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“The only thing worse than the guilt was the fear of getting caught.”
~Elin Hilderbrand, A Summer Affair

Sound Bites
“I don’t think it’s an affair anymore. It’s a necessity.”
~ Cristina Castañer Enrile on the affair of her husband Juan Ponce Enrile with his chief of staff Gigi Reyes

“So kasalanan lahat ng mga babae? Walang kasalanan si senator kasi lalaki lang siya, natural lang. Gano’n ba?”
~ Lawyer Gigi Reyes reacting to Cristina Enrile’s revelations

“It’s not insulting; it’s just making a statement of fact. ‘Di ba, there’s a saying, ‘Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan ‘wag magalit.'”
~ BIR Commissioner Kim Henares

Poll Results
Kung magkakatoo ang sinulat ng journalist na si Ellen Tordesillas, alin sa mga sumusunod na tandem ang susuportahan mo sa 2016?

Wala na bang iba? 65.57%
Masyado pang maaga! 15.3%
Mar Roxas – Chiz Escudero 10.93%
Jejomar Binay – Tony Meloto 4.92%
Alan Peter Cayetano – Sonny Trillanes 3.28%

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

(Photos: Rappler, BIR, Kris Aquno’s IG)

RUMORS, FACTOIDS, AND HUMOR

Totally Baseless Information On or About Political Figures, People in Government, and Other Personalities In the News


1: Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile stopped eating pork and beef when he turned 80 years old. He’s now 89 and eats only fish. His all-time favorite is “GG.”

2: In her high school yearbook, Janet ‘Jenny’ Lim-Napoles was described as “Most Likely to Get Away With A Crime Due to Connections.”

3: Jinggoy Estrada is into zumba. He also attends a yoga class thrice a week.

4: When the pork barrel scam story first came out, at least nine senators opened new bank accounts in the Caribbean. One Cabinet member closed a Metrobank account.

5: Janet Lim-Napoles had a cameo in Bong Revilla’s 2002 MMFF entry “Agimat.” She played the role of a witch who terrorized a community. In the closing credits though, “Janet Napoles – As herself” appeared.

6: In her past life, lawyer Lorna Kapunan was a geisha.

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7: Incumbent Masbate governor and former representative Rizalina Seachon-Lanete (who was charged with plunder) loves the color orange. In a radio interview, she admitted that all her clothes, including her panties, brassieres, and corsets were orange. One of her daughters is named Carrota.

8: Juan Ponce Enrile’s former chief of staff, Gigi Reyes who is also facing plunder charges has left the country. She communicates with Enrile through Skype or Facetime before going to bed every night.

9: When Jeane Napoles celebrated her 18th birthday, the traditional 18 candles were replaced by 18 Rolex watches while the 18 roses became 18 Louis Vuitton bags.

10: Bong Revilla has lost 12 lbs. since the PDAF scandal broke out. He has also started taking anti-depressants.

11: After drawing flak for her controversial statement on pork barrel, Lani Mercado was ordered gagged by the Revilla clan.

12: Janet ‘Jenny’ Lim-Napoles is a dominatrix.

13: A corrupt senator’s corrupt chief of staff receives a monthly salary of P50,000 only. But every quarter, s/he gets an additional P5-million per approved transaction with a bogus NGO.

14: In grade school, Benhur Luy was once named Mr. Talent in the Mr. and Ms. Nutrition contest. His talent was forging signatures.


15: When his name was mentioned by talent manager Lolit Solis on radio, Executive Secretary Paquito ‘Jojo’ Ochoa unfriended Janet and Jimmy Napoles on Facebook. He has since deactivated the account.

16: Janet Lim-Napoles’ code name for Jojo Ochoa was ‘Tagay.’ Ochoa’s code name for Napoles was ‘ILONGga.’

17: JLN Corp’s office is at Unit 2502 in Discovery Suites. Asked why she chose 2502, Janet Napoles’ once boasted, “250 senators and congressmen mula sa two Houses of Congress ang hawak ko sa bayag.”

18: When Joseph Estrada was first told about Jinggoy Estrada’s alleged involvement in another fund scandal, he allegedly quipped, “May bago ba do’n?”

18.1: Everytime Jinggoy Estrada tells a lie, he gains a pound.

19: A recent survey revealed 6 in 10 lawmakers have met and partied with Janet Lim-Napoles. The rest are liars who are going to rot in hell anyway.

20: Former senator and now, Manila Standard Today columnist Kit Tatad will drop another bombshell: President Aquino was having dinner with Nur Misuari in Basilan when Zamboanga City was attacked by MNLF rebels.

21: Nur Misuari’s full name is Nuraanur Villamayor Misuari. His mother, Marie Lyn (who married a Muslim scholar she met in UP) was originally from Bicol.

22: On a scale of Frank Drilon to Loren Legarda, the average sexiness of senators is Nancy Binay. On a scale of Lito Lapid to Miriam Defensor-Santiago, the average Senate IQ is Tito Sotto.

23: Manny Pacquiao recites Biblical passages whenever he makes love to Jinkee.

24: A private, non-commissioned study showed DILG Sec. Mar Roxas had the longest television exposure among government officials this year on a per minute basis. As of Sept. 16, his total TV exposure was 234 minutes while President Aquino was exposed for about 198 minutes. Rounding out the top 5 were Vice President Jejomar Binay, DOJ Sec. Leila De Lima, and Health Assistant Secretary Dr. Eric Tayag.

25: Taguig City Mayor Lani Cayetano and Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay were high school sweethearts.

26: In Traveler’s Digest’s list of the 10 “Cities with the World’s Best Looking Men,” Quezon City placed seventh. Not to be outdone, another magazine named Makati City as one of the 10 “Cities in the World With the Longest-Serving Political Families in the City Hall.”

27: LTO Chief Virginia Torres is a Martin Scorsese die-hard. Her favorite Scorsese film is ‘Casino.’

28: The Ateneo De Manila Athletic Council has released an open letter to the Ateneo community enjoining them to cheer for FEU as the Tamaraws battle La Salle in the UAAP Final 4.

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29: After enjoying her first MRT ride, Kris Aquino announces her three next adventures: riding a jeepney in Pasay, swimming in Lagusnilad or España on a stormy day, and taking a ferry ride to Cebu via Sulpicio Lines.

30: When he’s being playful, Sen. Koko Pimentel calls Senators Chiz Escudero and Sonny Angara “beh.”
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“The number one rule of thieves is that nothing is too small to steal.”
~ Jimmy Breslin

Sound Bites
“In October, we will come up with the results of the audit on the Malampaya Fund. Let this serve as a heads-up. The results will be explosive.”
~COA Chief Grace Pulido-Tan

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.