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PLAYFUL (MY FOOT)

1 10 2018

This article was first published by the Philippine Daily Inquirer on Sept. 30, 2018.

In a speech in Malacañang, President Duterte admitted, “My only sin is extrajudicial killings.” And then he said, “I’m not under oath, am I?”

Defending Duterte’s statement, Chief Presidential Legal Counsel Salvador Panelo said, “He’s Bisaya.” PNP Chief Oscar Albayalde said it was uttered “because of frustration” while former senator Juan Ponce Enrile insisted, “Only one was killed and none was arrested in Duterte’s war on drugs.”

Everyone expected palace spokesman Harry Roque to say that President Duterte was just joking. But in a radio interview, Roque said the President was just being “playful.” And then he went on to thank his friend who gave him a new thesaurus on his last birthday.

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According to President Duterte, drug dependents were to blame for the country’s rice crisis. In a joint statement, Agriculture and NFA officials denied they were drug dependents.

President Duterte joked that recovering drug dependents, whom he described as “mga ulol” (crazed) were to blame for the country’s rice crisis because they have started eating again. Recovering drug dependents then expressed alarm when Duterte added, “I will appoint Ozamiz City Police Chief Jovie Espenido to the NFA.”

I just noticed there’s Duterte, a joke, drug dependent, and ulol in one sentence. Apologies for the redundancy.

In his next speech, the President will try to figure out a way to blame the peso’s slump on drug addicts.

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Palace spokesman Harry Roque says the “foremost priority” of the Duterte administration right now is “fighting inflation.” In case you’re not aware, inflation was arrested last week on rehashed rebellion charges but was released after posting bail.

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Solicitor General Jose Calida has threatened to file a libel complaint against Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV if the senator “doesn’t express his sincere apology” for accusing him of stealing his amnesty application documents. Calida insists he is not a thief. Is he being playful too?

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Last September 12, President Duterte revealed an alleged plot to oust him on Sept. 21. Nothing happened. This week, the military said there was a plot to bring down Duterte in October (calling it ‘Red October’) and another in November and one more in December. So far, two “leaders” of the alleged plot to eliminate Duterte are being monitored. They were identified as Buerger and Barrett.

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Former senate president Aquilino Pimentel Jr. advised Communications Assistant Sec. Mocha Uson to stop meddling in the government’s federalism campaign and go back to showbiz instead. In response, ‘showbiz’ said, “We already have Robin Padilla. We can only take so much.”

Sources told Inquirer Lifestyle editor Lito Zulueta that Mocha Uson would resign from the Presidential Communications Operations Office “anytime soon.” Mocha has yet to inform her boss about her decision but she’s confident Bongbong Marcos will understand.

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Chinese-backed Maldivian President Abdulla Yameen, the tyrannical leader who jailed political rivals on dubious charges lost his re-election bid earlier this week. Yameen appeared on television to concede. He was flanked by his two sons, Baste Yameen and Pulong Yameen.
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“A guilty conscience needs no accuser.”
~Anonymous

Sound Bites
“Extraordinary statement by a Head of State (and we have had many this week at the UN): my ‘only’ sin is #EJK. Translation: my only sin is imposing unthinkable sufferings on 1000s of vulnerable families, emboldening corrupt policing, destroying rule of law.”
~Agnes Callamard, United Nations special rapporteur

Truth.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever8

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THE MASK

18 09 2018

This article was first published in the Opinion Page of the Philippine Daily Inquirer last Sept. 16, 2018.

THEMASK

IN HIS RECENT tête-à-tête with Chief Presidential Legal Counsel Salvador Panelo, President Duterte mentioned the name of Senator Trillanes at least 20 times. And that could be a problem. The last time he uttered someone else’s name that much, his wife filed for annulment.

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Critics described President Duterte’s behavior during his talk with Panelo as “childish” and “immature.” Duterte lashed back at them threatening repeatedly to “tell Mom.”

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A couple of days back, President Duterte presided over a command conference for typhoon Ompong. It was great to see someone on top of something he’s really good at: disasters.

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It’s still several weeks ‘til Halloween but on his TV appearances, we can notice President Duterte is already wearing a mask.

When asked about the status of his health, the President talked about Jose Maria Sison, the Magdalo Group, and the alleged conspiracy to oust him. He’s not well, obviously.

Here’s another pre-Halloween joke for you. Two guys (who do not know each other) wearing identical Bongbong Marcos masks walk into a Halloween costume party. One of the guys says, “Well, this is awkward. We can’t be both losers tonight.”

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Defense Sec. Delfin Lorenzana admitted it was Solicitor General Jose Calida who called him on August 16 “to get the amnesty records” of Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV. Fifteen days later, President Duterte would claim Trillanes’s amnesty records were missing. Remember the saying, “Never judge a book by its cover?” Not all the time.

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For helping authorities detect shabu in the magnetic lifters found in a warehouse in Cavite, a 6-year-old dog named ‘Odel’ was awarded a ‘Medalya ng Papuri’ by the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency. The President has earlier dismissed the P6.8B shabu shipment as “pure speculation.” Solicitor General Jose Calida has started his inquiry into Odel’s training records.

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According to Gallup’s annual Global Emotions Report, 2017 was the world’s most miserable year in more than a decade. People experienced worry, physical pain, sadness, stress, and anger. Or as that’s called in the Philippines, the five stages of Duterte’s War on Drugs.

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The Department of Justice is offering a reward of P500,000 for information leading to the arrest of alleged-big time drug lord, Peter Lim. Even Peter Lim was like, “Five hundred thousand??? Do you want me arrested or not?”

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Here’s a bad news: There have been reports that some witnesses against Andal Ampatuan Jr. have recanted their testimonies. Harry Roque, a former counsel of some Maguindanao massacre victims, is upset. He couldn’t believe that witnesses would just abandon the side of truth in exchange for something. To which, those witnesses replied, “Look who’s talking.”
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“Sorry to hear your body is as sick as your mind.”
~Anonymous

Sound Bites
“There is an evolving story sa Itogon, Barangay Ucab… 43 persons doon, nag-collapse ‘yung church… Kaya nga ito eh, alam mo Sir sa totoo lang, kung pinalitan niyo ‘yung pari diyan, ‘di magbagsak ‘yan. Bobo kasi itong mga pari, p*tang*na!”
~Rodrigo Duterte

Classy.

I am STILL on Twitter: @hecklerforever8

Photo: via the DA Secretary








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