2009 IN RETROSPECT

IT’S THE END OF 2009. Time to hand out special awards to some of the year’s newsmakers who kept readers of this blog talking, arguing, and yes, heckling one another even.

For some of the categories, there will be a winner and a runner-up. Remember: the role of the runner-up is very important. If for any reason, the winner declines his or her award, the runner-up takes over to fulfill the responsibilities of the winner. Are you ready?

In no particular order, The 2009 Heckler’s Choices are…

“Suicide Bomber” of the Year Award
Winner: Sen. Francis ‘Chiz’ Escudero for dropping a bomb in a gathering of his supporters at Club Filipino. He quit his party and abandoned his presidential bid
“Sa aking paniniwala, sinuman pong nagpaplanong tumakbo bilang pangulo ng bansa, wala dapat partidong kinabibilangan. Ang partido lamang dapat niya ay Pilipinas at ang kanyang mga kapartido ay lahat ng Pilipino.”
Whatever Chiz, whatever!

“In Memoriam” Award
Winner: Sen. Mar Roxas’ quest for the presidency in 2010
– Disgusting political ads + Korina Sanchez + Wowowee appearances: the trifecta of a disastrous premature political campaign
– He languished in presidential surveys until he withdrew his presidential plans. For his supporters, it was a “supreme sacrifice.” For the Professional Heckler, it was a “graceful exit.”
Runner-up: Korina Sanchez’s bid for First Lady
– After praising her then fiancé’s “selfless act,” she went ballistic on radio, demanded an apology from Inquirer columnist Conrado De Quiros, and lambasted Sen. Francis “Bum Ka Lang sa UP nang Bigyan Kita ng Trabaho sa Dos’” Pangilinan. Ah, bitterness.

“Napilitan Lang Po” Award
Winner: Sen. Noynoy Aquino
– His mother and his sisters were against the idea. He lacked ambition. He lacked determination. He lacked leadership. But he’s got all the stars! That makes him the man to beat next year. Vilma Santos has a term for that: Lucky.
Runner-up: Edu Manzano
A last-minute replacement for Ronaldo Puno, the tv host is facing an uphill climb on his vice presidential bid. If it’s any consolation, there’s a chance that he’ll get more votes than Jejomar Binay, his tormentor in Makati City

“Laglagan Na” Award
Winner: Sen. Panfilo Lacson for his series of anti-Erap privilege speeches
– “God, save the Philippines from Joseph Ejercito a.k.a Joseph Estrada,” Lacson said.
– God knows whatever happened to your exposés Ping! Ano nga ba?
Runner-up: Sen. Jinggoy Estrada for unmasking the “real” Panfilo Lacson as he took the cudgels for his father
– A month-long ‘bangayan’ that exposed both camps’ misdeeds – allegations that were probably true.

“Me and My Stupid Mouth” Award
Winner: Cong. Mikey Arroyo for his incriminating statements during his live guesting on GMA 7’s “Unang Hirit.”
– He redefined the concept of idiocy.
Runner-up: Cerge Remonde on GMA’s breast implant
“As I said, res ipsa loquitur (the matter speaks for itself). Just look if the President had a breast implant. That’s a private matter. It’s obvious if women have had breast implants. The sexy actresses with (unbelievable) boobs, they’re the ones who underwent breast implants. We can’t say the same thing of the President.”
Aha! Bakit mo alam? Lagi kang nakatitig ‘no?

“Agaw-Eksena” Award
Winner: The H1N1 Virus
– It was the beginning of humanity’s end. Not!
– People avoided public places and commuter trains. Classes were suspended. La Salle Taft became a ghost town. And Asia’s first H1N1 fatality was from the House of Representatives. When the dust settled, Safeguard posted quadruple sales. Hindi kaya pakana lang ng Procter & Gamble ang H1N1 panic?
Runner-up: Former Pagsanjan, Laguna Mayor Abner Afuang
– It was neither Katrina Halili nor Maricar Reyes who showed the nation how to make Hayden Kho wet in mere seconds. It was a fuming ex-cop. And it happened during a Senate hearing.

“Opportunity Knocks Only Once” Award (Also known as ‘Oportunista’ Award)
Winner: Sen. Loren Legarda
-She changes parties faster than she changes panties. Ooops, sorry. An adversary of Sen. Manny Villar during the C5 hearings, she is now his running mate. Why are we not surprised?
Runner-up: Satur Ocampo and Liza Maza
-Initially, they ditched the Nacionalista Party because of Bongbong Marcos. But look where they are now? Rubbing elbows with the dictator’s unico ijo. Whatever happened to ideology?

“Nakausap Ko Si Lord” Award
Winner: Pampanga Gov. Among Ed Panlilio
– In announcing his presidential ambition in July 2009, Panlilio claimed God wanted him to seek higher office. He failed to warn us though that God was fickle-minded.
Runner-up: Bro. Eddie Villanueva
– He’s been saying that the Lord wants him to run. In 2004, God did endorse him but God also voted for another candidate.

“My Lips Are Sealed…” Award
Winner: Sen. Manny Villar
– To the consternation of Senators Jamby Madrigal and Panfilo Lacson, Villar refused to testify on the C5 road project double insertion fiasco at the Senate hearing. The ploy worked for Mr. Sipag at Tiyaga. He maintained his lead in presidential surveys… until Cory Aquino died.
Runner-up: Maricar Reyes
– One of the lead actresses in Hayden Kho’s indie film, Reyes stole the limelight from Katrina Halili when she bagged the Best Actress in a Single Performance Award from the public. Unfortunately, up to this day, she refuses to deliver an acceptance speech.

“Walang Makakaagaw ng Award na Ito Sa Akin” Award
Winner: National Artist Cecile Guidote-Alvarez
– She is the executive director of the National Commission for Culture and the Arts, one of two agencies tasked to search for National Artists. ‘Tapos, siya mismo nanalo?!?!?!?! FYI lang po Ms. Alvarez: naimbento na po ang konsepto ng delicadeza!
Runner-up: National Artist Carlo J. Caparas
– National Artist for Visual Arts and Film?!? Visual Arts na, Film pa? Sa’n ka pa!?!

“Sorry… Tao Lang Po” Award
Winner: Fashion designer Boyet Fajardo for his outburst in a Duty Free Philippines outlet in Parañaque City
– Fajardo’s credit card didn’t bear his signature. When the cashier asked for another ID, he got possessed, and told the staff: “Mga leche kayo! Hindi n’yo ako kilala? Ako si Boyet Fajardo! At itong putang-inang babaeng ito at ang baklang ito ay mga walang kuwentang tao! I want them fired!”
– Until now though, people are still wondering, “Sino ba ang punyetang Boyet Fajardo na ‘yan?!?”
Runner-up: HK Magazine columnist Chip Tsao for bullying his Filipina maid and calling the Philippines “a nation of public servants”
– The sad thing? It’s true.
[Fajardo and Tsao subsequently apologized but not after getting pilloried by bloggers, columnists, and some opportunist politicians.]

“WTF!” Award
Winner: President Arroyo’s Breast Implant
– Who would have thought that our diminutive president had a boob job some 20 years back? Really. Kudos to the doctors and staff of the Asian Hospital in Alabang, Muntinlupa City for leaking her medical records. Wish ko lang may magtiwala pa sa inyo. Good luck!
Runner-up: Former presidential spokesperson Lorelei Fajardo
– Whenever she spoke, I wanted to believe that she’s been “planted” by the opposition to destroy the president. For chrisssakes, tell me: how on earth was she appointed spokesperson of the world’s once 4th most powerful woman?

“Saksakan ng Kapal ng Apog” Award
Winner: Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
– From cabinet secretary to senator to vice president to president to congresswoman! What’s next? Barangay Tanod?!?
Runner-up: Andal Ampatuan Jr.
I need not elaborate. The man is a beast.

“Testing Lang… Baka Makalusot” Award
Co-Winners: Manny Pacquiao and ABS-CBN
Weeks before he fought Ricky Hatton, Pacquiao rescinded his existing deal with Solar Sports and signed a contract with ABS-CBN. Threatened with lawsuits, Manny decided to junk the Kapamilya Network and honored his contract with Solar.

“Bolahin Mo ang Lolo Mong Panot” Award (Also known as “Saan Naman Nanggaling ‘Yung Linyang ‘Yun?” Award)
Winner: Joey De Venecia’s radio political ad
“Ang buhay ko, laging may banta. Hanapbuhay inipit. Kanegosyo, tinakot. Pero lahat ng ito kaya kong tiisin makasama ko lang kayo sa pagsulong ng pagbabago at pag-angat sa kahirapan. Palabra de Honor. Delicadeza. De Venecia.”
Yeah right!
Runner-up: Mar Roxas’ “Padyak”
“Sama-sama tayo. Hindi ko kayo pababayaan. Lalaban tayo!”
Akala ko ba lalaban tayo? Eh, bakit ka umurong?

Special Citations
1: Worst Dancer in a Political Ad Masquerading as an Information Campaign for a Government Agency
Winner: Augusto “Tito Buboy’ Syjuco for TESDA

2: Corniest Protest Paraphernalia a.k.a. “‘Pag ‘Di Pa Kami Napansin, Ewan Ko na Lang” Award
Winner: The Liberal Party’s “Bawang Wreath and Necklace” during the Anti-Con Ass rally in June 2009

FINALLY…
Quotable Quote of the Decade:
“Hello, Garci?”
_______________
“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.”
~ Bill Vaughn

Survey Says
In general, how was your 2009?
Great! 23%
Good! 27%
Okay lang! 29%
Punyeta! 21%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
Have a great 2010 everyone! Again, thank you keeping me company during the past 365 days. The Professional Heckler looks forward to seeing you back here. Stay safe, healthy, and full of love. Peace!

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SEASON’S GREETINGS

villarlren Villar’s VP?
Without naming names, senatorial aspirant Adel Tamano of the Nacionalista Party says Sen. Manuel Villar Jr.’s running mate possesses the “3M” qualities: “maganda,” “matalino,” and “maka-kalikasan.” Vice presidential aspirant Loren Legarda who felt alluded to, said her presidential running mate also possessed the “3M” qualities: “masipag,” “matiyaga” and “malapit nang magpanic kapag ‘di pa ako nag-yes sa kanyang offer.”

Gibo’s VP
The ruling Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party has reportedly given up efforts to lure Sen. Loren Legarda into teaming up with Defense Sec. Gilbert Teodoro. With this development, the ruling coalition’s choice for vice president is now down to two: “John” and “Jane Doe.”

binay Binay’s Birthday
Birthday boy Jejomar Binay is celebrating his 67th birthday on November 11. Political observers doubt though if he’s really 67 years old… because he’s been mayor of Makati City for like half a century.

Binay’s Birthday II
Last Monday, November 9, Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay and his wife, former Makati City mayor Dr. Elenita Binay hosted a star-studded joint birthday party at the A. Venue Mall in Makati City. Opposition stalwarts and supporters were all present… except for Sen. Chiz Escudero who has made himself clear that he no longer believes in parties.

Binay’s Birthday III
Braving the dangerous traffic and the menacing stare of a Makati traffic enforcer, I personally took a photo of this eye-catching tarpaulin at the corner of Makati Avenue and JP Rizal St. in Makati City around 4pm, Tuesday.
10112009505
Sampung Katanungang Naglaro sa Aking Isipan Matapos Kong Masilayan ang Tarpaulin ni Jose De Venecia III Para Kay Makati City Mayor Jejomar Cabauatan Binay, Birthday Boy

Una: Bakit kailangang idaan sa tarpaulin ang pagbati?

Pangalawa: Hindi ba niya alam ang cellphone number o landline ni Mayor Binay upang mabati niya ito ng personal?

Pangatlo: Bakit sa panulukan pa ng JP Rizal St. at Makati Avenue inilagay ang tarpaulin gayong pwede naman itong isabit sa harap ng bahay ng mga Binay o kaya ay sa city hall upang mas madaling makita ng may kaarawan?

Pang-apat: Kailangan ba talagang may larawan pa ni Joey De Venecia sa tarpaulin?

Panglima: Hindi pa ba siya kilala ni Mayor Binay kaya’t kinailangan pang i-imprenta ang kanyang mukha?

Pang-anim: Titigan ang larawan at sagutin: Ano ang kahalagahan o kaugnayan ng website ni Joey De Venecia sa kaarawan ni Mayor Binay?

Pampito: Kung nabasa ni Mayor Binay ang naturang pagbati, sa palagay n’yo ba ay magpapagawa din ito ng tarpaulin upang iparating ang mensaheng ito: “Maraming salamat sa iyong pagbati Joey De Venecia III! From Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay http://www.makati.gov.ph” Kung oo, saang panulukan naman kaya niya isasabit ang tarpaulin?

Pangwalo: Bakit parang galit na galit ako sa naturang tarpaulin? Ikaw, anong nararamdaman mo?

Pangsiyam: Bakit kailangan ko pang magtanong gayong alam ko na naman ang sagot?

At pansampu: Ilang daang “Joey De Venecia III” pa kaya sa iba’t ibang panig ng bansa ang magsasabit ng tarpaulin sa mga lansangan, panulukan, gusali, at poste ng kuryente bago dumating ang halalan?

miriam_puno Santiago vs. Puno
Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago asked the Senate to file plunder charges against former DPWH Road Board Executive Director Rodolfo ‘Dodie’ Puno for the alleged misuse of some P60.5 billion in road users’ tax. Criticizing Puno’s lavish lifestyle, Santiago also threatened to reveal the names of his mistresses and girlfriends… to which Tonyboy Cojuangco said, “That is not a good idea.”

oil_freeze Petroleum Shortage?
Echoing the oil firms’ opposition to the government-imposed fuel price freeze in Luzon, the honorable Angelo Reyes says the country’s inventory of imported petroleum products is just enough for 13 days. But that’s still good news considering the fact that the government has no energy secretary for more than two years now.

alvin flores gang Alvin Flores Gang
Remember last week’s raid on the suspected hideout of the notorious Alvin Flores Gang in Bulacan? The raid yielded high-powered guns and ammunitions, grenade launchers, two-way radios, and Alvin Flores’ two used faces.

Alvin Flores Gang II
The doctor who performed cosmetic surgery on Alvin Flores revealed that the notorious gang leader was gay and wanted to look like BB Gandanghari. The surgeon also confirmed a gang member’s revelation that the Rolex heist in Greenbelt was a mistake. Flores’ original target was L’Oréal.
______________
“Leadership has been defined as the ability to hide your panic from others.”
~Anonymous

Just Asking
Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Conrado De Quiros originated it.
Other columnists concurred.
The Liberal Party adopted it.
“The 2010 election is a fight between good and evil,” i.e. Noynoy and the Liberals, the good side; GMA and her allies, the evil side.
Over the weekend, several allies of GMA defected to the Liberal Party, and more are expected to jump ship as the deadline for the filing of the certificates of candidacy nears. Question: Does the shift in allegiance automatically make the turncoats “good,’ or do they remain evil?

Just So You Know
A radio serial drama on the life, love, and rise to fame of MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando is being aired on DZRH 666kHz. The 14-part series is called “Ang Manggagawa.” And this just in! Sen. Chiz Escudero has expressed interest in serializing his life story too. The tentative title, “Ang Mang-nga-ngawa!”

Light Bites
Q: Why did Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago reject the offer of President Arroyo to become DENR secretary?
A: Galit siya sa mga PUNO.

Personal
If you have original “political” images similar to that JDVIII photo above, you may email them to The Professional Heckler: professionalheckler@yahoo.com Pictures taken using cellular phones are just fine. Chosen photos will be used in future blog posts. Senders will be acknowledged. Thank you so much.

Lastly, for featuring yet again this blog on ANC’s Strictly Politics, thank you so much Ms. Pia Hontiveros. Catch her show every Tuesday, 8:00 to 9:00 PM on the ABS-CBN News Channel.

SAVING FACE

Tabloid Headline, September 2, 2009

Dalawang prominenteng pamilya sa Pilipinas lumuluha
Ka Erdie Manalo, pumanaw;
Sen. Mar Roxas, umayaw!

sukonako Roxas Withdraws
Sen. Mar Roxas has dropped his bid for the presidency next year. If he could only turn back time, he would have prayed much harder for Tita Cory’s recovery.

Mar Roxas has announced his decision to drop his presidential ambition in 2010. Joseph Estrada lauded Mar’s statesmanship. Chiz Escudero hailed Mar’s selflessness. And Manny Villar praised Mar’s performance… in the SWS and Pulse Asia surveys.

Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas, who’s been trailing in recent surveys, will no longer seek the presidency in 2010. His family and supporters call it an “act of sacrifice,” otherwise known as “graceful exit.”

Mar Roxas will no longer run for president in 2010. He has also adopted a new slogan, “Lacson, hindi ka nag-iisa.”

Last week, Pampanga governor Among Ed Panlilio declared that he was willing to forego his presidential ambition if Noynoy Aquino would seek the presidency. Panlilio will reportedly make a formal announcement as soon as he gets a go signal from God. ‘Di pa niya kasi nakakausap ulit.

mar_korina_eeeeew In a press conference held last night, Mar Roxas announced that he has dropped his plans to become president in 2010. Fighting back tears, he said, “Bayan bago ang sarili. Maniwala man kayo o hindi, ginagawa ko ito para sa bayan.” And just to prove his love of country, he is also dropping his plan to become a groom next month.

Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas said withdrawing from the 2010 presidential race was the hardest decision he has ever made in his entire life… next only to his decision to marry Korina Sanchez.

Broadcaster Korina Sanchez was seen crying while Mar Roxas was making the important announcement at Club Filipino. Apparently, hindi siya handa.

marnoy2009 In an emotional speech at Club Filipino, Mar Roxas expressed support for Noynoy Aquino’s candidacy for president. He promised, “Hindi kami maghihiwalay ni Noy.” Korina Sanchez cried even more.

The good news is Mar Roxas has officially announced that he shall give way to Noynoy Aquino in 2010. The bad news is Korina Sanchez still refuses to give way to Shalani Soledad.

Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas made two important decisions yesterday, September 1. First he changed his mind and dropped his bid for president. Second, he changed his Friendster status from “In a Relationship to “It’s Complicated.”

mar_pedicab Mar Roxas has canceled his bid for the presidency in 2010. An hour before he made the announcement, he canceled his contract with the ad agency that created his TV commercials. He told them, “’Tang-inaaaaa! Ano ba ‘tong ginawa n’yo!?”

Mar Roxas is no longer running for president. He now seriously considers accepting ABS-CBN’s offer to replace Willie Revillame on Wowowee.

Top 7 Movie Remakes About Sen. Mar Roxas’ Decision to Drop His Bid for the Presidency

No. 7: Kung Fu Malya (Sa Surveys)

No. 6: I, Lowbat

No. 5: My Best Friend’s Quitting / Look Who’s Quitting

No. 4: Race/Off

No. 3: Ganito Kayo ni Korina Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon?

No. 2: Kung Mangarap Ka’t Magising… na Wala Kang Tsansang Manalo

And the No. 1 movie remake about Sen. Mar Roxas’ decision to drop his bid for the presidency…

We’re Not Just that Into You

In Other News
Reports say former First Lady Imelda Marcos is pushing her son Bongbong to run for president in 2010… to which the Ilocos Norte representative quipped, “Sure! Pero sa isang kondisyon: mamatay ka muna.”

manalo Ka Erdie, 84
Iglesia ni Cristo executive minister, Eraño ‘Ka Erdy’ Manalo passed away Monday, August 31. The INC leadership has released a memorandum circular calling on all members to observe bloc mourning.

Senate Hearing on ZTE
In yesterday’s Senate hearing on the canceled ZTE NBN deal, businessman Joey De Venecia insisted, “I am a victim of this anomalous contract.” Ulol!
_____________
“A good sacrifice is one that is not necessarily sound but leaves your opponent dazed and confused.”
~Nigel Short

MOTIVES

NOYNOY_MAR Mar & Noy
In a radio interview Saturday (August 29), presidential aspirant Mar Roxas said he is now willing to slide down to the VP race if his best friend, Noynoy Aquino decides to seek the presidency. In making that statement, Roxas hopes to solidify their friendship, cement party unity, and boost his ranking in the next presidential survey.

Mar & Noy II
Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas, who previously insisted that he wouldn’t slide down to the VP race has just announced on radio that he would give way to Noynoy Aquino if the latter decides to run for president. Mar’s latest pronouncement was hailed by everyone in the Roxas household… except for Korina Sanchez.

In the News: Mar Roxas at Noynoy Aquino, mag-uusap na!
Bad News: Live! Sa The Buzz!

In the News: Para sa kaibigang si Noynoy, Mar Roxas handang magparaya!
Bad News: Sa isang kondisyon: siya ang First Lady!

Party Wants Noynoy
The Aksyon Demokratiko party of former presidential candidate Raul Roco+ has formally endorsed Noynoy Aquino as its standard-bearer for the 2010 elections. Noynoy is reportedly enthralled by the support of Aksyon Demokratiko… mainly because her Mommy Cory and the said party have something in common – they’re dead.

In the News: Mga miyembro ng Aksyon Demokratiko, suportado si Noynoy Aquino
Bad News: Aksyon Demokratiko, iisa ang miyembro

GMA & Noli
Short of anointing Vice President Noli De Castro, President Arroyo, in a statement released Friday said she regards Kabayan “as a leader imbued with decency, capability, dedication to public service and genuine sensitivity for the Filipino masses that will make him a good President.” The Inquirer said the message was sent to the vice president through text message. And if rumors were to be believed, De Castro had a very prompt, very short, and very honest reply: “Madam President… what’s ‘imbued’?”

GMA’s Trips
Malacañang is now mum on President Arroyo’s upcoming foreign trips but the Department of Foreign Affairs says she may be in Libya as early as tomorrow, August 31. To avert another potential scandal, an advance party has been sent to Tripoli to scout for a carinderia.

In the News: Pangulong Arroyo, patungong New York at Libya
Bad News: Palasyo, naghahanap ng manlilibreng kongresista

RP’s Richest
Forbes Magazine reported that presidential aspirant Manuel Villar is the ninth richest Filipino today. He would have ranked a notch higher if the Comelec imposed a ban on premature political advertisements.

Elsewhere…
Albay Governor Joey “She’ a lucky bitch” Salceda strikes again. Check out this column.

An Inquirer letter-sender shares his views on Mar Roxas’ political advertisements. Read the letter here.

jdv3 Briefly Noted
Have you heard the radio (political) ad of Joey “Back Off” De Venecia? It goes:

Si Joey De Venecia…

“Natigil natin ang anomalya ng ZTE. Napigil ang kurakot.”

Pero ang bwelta ng pamahalaan kay Joey napakalupit.

“Ang buhay ko, laging may banta. Hanapbuhay, inipit. Kanegosyo, tinakot. Pero lahat ‘to kaya kong tiisin makasama ko lang kayo sa pagsulong ng pagbabago at pag-angat sa kahirapan.”

Palabra de honor. Delicadeza. De Venecia.

Oh, come on Joey! All of sudden you wanted to be “with” us?! That’s a lot of bull! You’re just as rotten as those guys who were involved in the scandalous ZTE-NBN deal so drop that shitty impression that you’re some sort of a hero because you’re not. And please, stop using the people for your own selfish ends. Who do you think we are… Jarius Bondoc?!?

jdv33 A more believable JDV III radio ad…

Si Joey De Venecia…

“Nawalan ako ng kontrata. Natigil ang pasok sa akin ng pera.”

Napagtanto ni Joey, mahirap pala kapag ‘di na House Speaker ang kanyang Daddy.

“Kompanya ko, sa bidding… natatalo. Hanapbuhay ko, apektado. Umaatras na rin ang ilang kasosyo. Pero lahat nang ‘to kaya kong lampasan dahil may papasukin na akong bagong negosyo – kayo! Tatakbo ako sa senado upang makasama ko ang mga tao sa pagsulong ng pagbabago at pag-angat sa kahirapan.”

Pork Barrel. Droga. De Venecia.
_________
“The public may be willing to forgive us for mistakes in judgment but it will not forgive us for mistakes in motive.”
~Robert W. Haack

Survey Says…
Who has a better chance of winning the presidency?
Noynoy Aquino: 42%
Mar Roxas: 7%
Neither. Iba na lang.: 51%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

THREATS


House Junks Impeachment Complaint
Voting 183 to 21, the House of Representatives junked the impeachment complaint filed against President Arroyo by Jose “Joey” De Venecia III et al. Rep. Rissa Hontiveros-Baraquel threatened to seek redress from the Supreme Court. Leftist solon Satur Ocampo threatened to hold street protests. Cong. Jose De Venecia threatened to publish another book.

Joey’s Threat
After the junking of the impeachment complaint he filed against President Arroyo, businessman Jose “Joey” De Venecia III sent a warning to the congressmen who voted against the impeachment: “You may have won this battle, but the war is far from over.” He then instructed his secretary to prepare the draft… of his biography.

Joey’s Threat II
Jose “Joey” De Venecia III sent another warning to all congressmen who voted against the impeachment case. He said, “Look into the horizon and you will see a tidal wave of people angered by the abuses of this administration. Beware, lest that tidal wave turn into a tsunami that will swamp you all.” Now, isn’t that stupid? Talking about “waves” and “tsunamis” while addressing a float of crocodiles?

Velarde’s Threat Too
El Shaddai leader Mike Velarde threatened to mobilize a million of his followers in street protests if President Arroyo’s allies insist on amending the constitution. Malacañang was a bit shaken by the threat. While high-ranking palace officials knew the government is good at making fools of Filipinos, Mike Velarde does it better.

Jocjoc Rearrested
The Senate sergeant-at-arms rearrested former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn “Jocjoc” Bolante for contempt. The arrest warrant was served at the office of Bolante’s lawyers in Makati City. It took several minutes before Jocjoc faced the arresting officers… mainly because his lawyers couldn’t agree on what body part he should clutch this time: his head or his stomach.

Jocjoc Rearrested II
In a statement following his arrest, Jocjoc Bolante pointed out that he was still under detention by virtue of an arrest order issued by the 13th Congress. But with the new arrest order, Bolante said, “I am now on double arrest.” His lawyers are verifying reports Sen. Manuel Villar had something to do with it.

Actor Remarries
Actor Raymond Bagatsing, the estranged husband of Lara Fabregas, remarried in the United States. He wed a 60-year-old woman named Cora Pastrana. When Hayden Kho saw the photos of the newly weds on TV, he fainted. For a second, he thought he saw his future.

_________
I eat death threats for breakfast.
~Miriam Defensor-Santiago

DIYOSA


Jesus and GMA
Saying President Arroyo is “being crucified for scoring low in opinion survey,” the oldest member of the House of Representatives, 83-year-old Cebu Rep. Pablo Garcia Sr. has likened GMA to Jesus Christ, to which Jesus Christ said, “Shut up Hestas!”

A number of people have lambasted Cebu Rep. Pablo Garcia Sr. for comparing President Arroyo to Jesus Christ. Come on, let’s not be too harsh on him. We can’t blame the guy if he spoke as if he knew Jesus that well. They’re childhood neighbors!

Cebu Rep. Pablo Garcia Sr. has drawn flak for comparing President Arroyo to Jesus Christ. Opposition members and anti-GMA groups have ganged up on him. Because of too much stress, reports say Garcia has been rushed to the hospital. As of press time, only his closest friends were allowed to visit him, namely… Noah, Moses, and Abraham.


The Impeachment Complaint
Voting 42-8, the House of Representatives justice committee junked the fourth impeachment complaint filed against President Arroyo. After four years, the opposition’s record is now zero wins, 4losses (0W-4L); Jose De Venecia is 3W-1L, President Arroyo, 4W-0L, and her allies in Congress, 500K-1M.

After only three hearing days, the House committee on justice junked the impeachment complaint filed by Jose “Joey” De Venecia III against President Arroyo. The opposition is now evaluating whether the younger De Venecia has gained enough exposure in those three days of full ANC coverage for him to be included in their Senate slate.

The House justice committee has junked the impeachment complaint filed against President Arroyo for insufficiency in substance. Akbayan Rep. Rissa Hontiveros-Baraquel calls it an “abuse of discretion.” Businessman Joey De Venecia calls it “substance abuse.”

JDV’s Book
Cong. Jose De Venecia’s biographical book has been generating big buzz of late, and is predicted to become a best seller once it is released. Kudos to its writer, Brett Decker, and to the group in charge of promo & publicity, the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

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We cannot assume the injustice of any actions which only create offense, and especially as regards religion and morals. He who utters or does anything to wound the conscience and moral sense of others, may indeed act immorally; but, so long as he is not guilty of being importunate, he violates no right. ~Karl Wilhelm Von Humboldt

RELAX, SEE A MOVIE

Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be 2

20: ex-Sen. Ramon Revilla Sr.: Staying Alive

19: Vicki Belo & Ellen Lising: House of Wax

18: DOJ Sec. Raul Gonzales: The Jerk

17: Sen. Antonio Trillanes: Chasing Liberty

16: Tim Yap/DJ Montano: Close Encounters of the Third Kind

15: Mrs. Rose Flaminiano: Super Size Me

14: The Gucci Gang with the special participation of Ms. Nora Aunor: Romancing the Stone

13: Shell, Petron, and Caltex: Liar Liar

12: ABS-CBN News’ Maria Ressa: The Punisher

11: Nadia Montenegro: Grease

10: Doña Mary Ejercito: 10,000 BC

9: Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada: The Man Who Knew Too Much

8: Sen. Lito Lapid: Artificial Intelligence

7: ex-Sen. John Osmeña: Girl, Interrupted

6: (tie) MILF’s Kumander Bravo and Umbra Kato: Psycho and Jose “Joey” De Venecia III: V for Vendetta

5: Panfilo Lacson and Jamby Madrigal: Sister Act

4: Sen. Manuel Villar: Two for the Road

3: Sens. Loren Legarda & Edgardo Angara: An Inconvenient Truth

2: Claudio Teehankee Jr.: While You Were Sleeping

And the No. 1 movie casting choice that was meant to be…

1: Sen. Francis Pangilinan: Unfaithful

See also The Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be

FOR THE FOURTH TIME

null
Impeachment Complaint vs. GMA
Losing NBN contract bidder Jose “Joey” De Venecia III said there “was nothing political” about his filing of a new impeachment complaint against President Arroyo. So ano ‘yon? Showbiz?!?

null Unknown to many, lawyer Oliver Lozano did try to submit his impeachment complaint ahead of the De Venecia group last Monday. Unfortunately though, he arrived late because his driver plied the C5 route instead of Edsa. It was too late for them to realize they were driving along the “road to nowhere.”

Losing NBN bidder Jose “Joey” De Venecia III, former congressman Rolex Suplico and lawyer Harry Roque led the filing of a new impeachment complaint against President Arroyo. Nine more and the opposition’s senatorial slate for 2010 is complete.

House Speaker Prospero Nograles and Minority Floor Leader Ronaldo Zamora both stressed, “The impeachment is a numbers game,” to which former president Joseph Estrada said, “Talaga? Kelan pa?!? Paano mag-franchise?”

President Arroyo is facing yet another impeachment complaint. That’s the fourth time her critics have tried to unseat her and the fourth time actor Rez Cortez tried to resurrect his career.

According to reports, Joey De Venecia woke up a bit early to file the impeachment complaint against Mrs. Arroyo. Close friends however claim, Joey had no sleep when he went to Batasan. He’s gotten used to it though. You know… habit. (Itanong n’yo pa kay Luli.)

GMA’s Ratings
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that 27% are satisfied and 54% are dissatisfied with President Arroyo’s performance. The remaining 19% replied, “Aba malay ko! Ako ba ang asawa niya?!”

Loren Online
Reports say Sen. Loren Legarda has formally launched her Friendster, Myspace, and Multiply accounts as well as her official website. But Legarda denied it had something to do with her political plans for 2010. It’s just her latest effort to… “romantically move on.”

Loren Online II
Reports say Sen. Loren Legarda has opened accounts in three social networking sites: Friendster, MySpace, and Multiply… to which Sen. Jamby Madrigal said, “Hmpf! Gaya-gaya! Matagal na kaya akong may Downelink!”

null Sulpicio vs. PAGASA
The Manila RTC junked the case filed by Sulpicio Lines against the local weather bureau, PAGASA. Sulpicio Lines has blamed the MV Princess of the Stars tragedy to PAGASA’s alleged inaccurate forecast… to which the court said, “Tandaan: Ang maniwala sa sabi-sabi walang bait sa sarili.”

Strict Policies null
I don’t know if you’ve heard the news but ABS-CBN News bigwig Maria Ressa has fired Umagang Kayganda showbiz segment host Ogie Diaz for reportedly violating their code of ethics. Diaz is just unfortunate he’s part of Ressa’s team. If he were part of the senate, he’d surely keep his post.

null Strict Policies II
For violating the news department’s code of ethics, tv host Ogie Diaz was sacked from Umagang Kayganda by ABS-CBN News boss Maria Ressa. If Ressa were head of ABS-CBN Entertainment, the Lopez network would be a virtual ghost town.

null I Witnessed…
… Sen. Jamby Madrigal and husband Eric Valade in our special screening of the Diane Lane-Richard Gere starrer Nights in Rodanthe at Powerplant Cinema earlier this evening. Jamby approached us and asked if she could attend the by-invitation-only screening although she didn’t have tickets. We let them in. She looked haggard. Para silang mag-tiya ng kanyang asawa. She likes movies pala. I might send her invites to our sneak preview of “Twilight.”

Finally…
After 23 days, I’ve claimed my 2008 Philippine Blog Awards trophy.

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Crime does not pay … as well as politics.
– Alfred Newman

COMING SOON

Bolante’s Asylum Petition
The United States Court of Appeals has denied the petition for asylum filed by former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn “Jocjoc” Bolante. The decision could finally pave the way for his deportation… an intense Senate hearing… and the escalation of war in Mindanao.

Bolante’s Asylum Petition II
The United States Court of Appeals has denied Jocjoc Bolante’s petition for asylum. In the next few weeks, we would know if angioplasty would still work on the First Gentleman.

Bolante’s Asylum Petition III
Jocjoc Bolante is facing immediate deportation after the United States Court of Appeals denied his petition for asylum. The opposition is hoping Bolante’s testimony could finally cause the downfall of President Arroyo. Finally, they realized they couldn’t always rely on an upset stomach.

Senator Joey De Venecia?
Cong. Jose De Venecia Jr says people are “pushing” his son Joey III to run for either senator or congressman in 2010… to which Joey III said, “Well, I have always loved those people… especially the ones who do the ‘pushing’.”

Piñol’s Assassins
North Cotabato Vice Governor Emmanuel Piñol- who strongly opposed the MOA on Ancestral Domain signed by palace and MILF representatives, claimed he has received information that at least 11 assassination teams have been organized to kill him… 10 from the MILF and one from Malacañang.

Pacquiao and Politics null
Three months before his fight against Oscar De La Hoya, Manny Pacquiao took his oath as a member of Kampi, President Arroyo’s political party… officially confirming rumors he is a masochist: first, De La Hoya would make him bleed then Kampi would bleed him dry.

Tiya Dely Signs Off
(Warning: Only those who have listened to Tiya Dely’s radio program will get this joke.)
Tiya Dely Magpayo, the 87-year-old veteran radio host who suffered a stroke last August 30 passed away Monday, September 1. Her funeral will include eulogies, singing of kundiman songs, and a letter-reading contest… “kung saan ang magwawagi ay tatanggap ng isandaang piso sa pamamagitan ng koreo.”

QUESTIONS FOR JDV

null Top 10 Pointless Questions to Ask Jose De Venecia Jr. When He Testifies Before the Senate

10: If you were a Star Wars character, who would you be and why?

9: Please complete the sentence: “A man with big ears has a long…”

8: Does it bother you when, walking with your wife Gina, you hear people say, “Ang sweet naman ng mag-ama!”

7: What do these people have in common aside from their name: Jose Marcelo Ejercito, Jose De Venecia, Jose Miguel Arroyo?

6: Where were you when Joey De Venecia III was smoking marijuana?

5: What advice can you give a man with a wife who refuses to shut up because of bitterness?

4: What is the origin of the idiom “sour grapes?”

3: Considering your vast knowledge on the subject, can you please define “corruption” in five words or less?

2: You are considered to be the father of the “pork barrel.” Your daughter died in a fire in 2004. Your son lost out the bidding to ZTE for the NBN project in 2007. You were ousted as House Speaker in 2008. And the ghost of the 500-million dollar NorthRail project continues to hound you up to this day. Mr. Congressman, do you believe in karma?

And the no. 1 pointless question to ask Cong. Jose De Venecia Jr. when he testifies before the Senate…

1: When will you fix the roof of your house?