12 05 2014

ACCORDING TO rehabilitation czar Panfilo Lacson, making public the so-called Napoles list will destroy the Senate. Which begs the question, “What’s there to destroy?”

What exactly is on that controversial list? According to unimpeachable sources, the list – saved in a USB flash drive has clickable links to several classified but unverified documents including:

– Actresses, sexy stars, beauty queens, and models who slept with Bong Revilla in the last 12 months

– Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s psychiatric evaluation report

– Bank accounts of JV Ejercito in the Carribean

– Cynthia Villar’s Botox procedure receipts that were allegedly charged to her office

– Records of Ralph Recto’s visits to a private night club in Quezon City

– 20 secret side accounts used by the staff of Alan Peter and Pia Cayetano to troll Vice President Binay and son, Junjun on Twitter

– Jinggoy Estrada’s confession letter to Erap (as regards what, nobody knows for sure)

– Transcript of sext messages between Juan Ponce Enrile and Gigi Reyes

– Minutes of several meetings between Gringo Honasan and retired Marine major Jaime Napoles

– Photos of Grace Poe and Bongbong Marcos together in a children’s party when they were toddlers. The caption reads: “They’re the cutest siblings I know. Proud Dad here. – Ferdie”

– Lito Lapid’s letter to the Senate president requesting that he be allowed to sleep during sessions citing his acute insomnia

– A loyal ABS-CBN supporter, Sergio Osmeña III’s subscription contract to PBB ALL IN 24/7

– Overseas itinerary of Antonio Trillanes’s staff while their boss was still in prison resulting in huge travel expenses

– Frank Drilon’s FDA-disapproved diet program

– A copy of Tito Sotto’s yet to be delivered (privilege) speech titled: “Ako, ang RH Law, at ang Panggagahasa Kay Pepsi Paloma – Diumano: My Version of Truth”

– Jewel May Lobaton’s tell-all affidavit in which she bared the shocking reason why she left Koko Pimentel; an allegation that could destroy the political career of the senator

– Contracts between Janet Lim-Napoles and her caterer-friends for the wedding of Bam Aquino and wife, Timi in 2012, and the christening of Chiz Escudero’s twins in 2008.

– Transcript of TG Guingona’s alleged one-on-one interview with Ruby Tuason the night before she appeared before the Senate blue ribbon committee

– Love letters between a former lawmaker and Loren Legarda

– Nancy Binay’s final OJT grade: Singko, which was changed to 3.0 after her father intervened

And lastly…
– An NSO-authenticated birth certificate of Sonny Angara; the document identified his “birth mother” as Loren Legarda.

The Office of the Ombudsman is reportedly conducting a lifestyle check on Jinggoy Estrada. Already indicted for plunder, Jinggoy described the lifestyle check as “political harassment.” In layman’s terms, ‘karma.’

Jinggoy says he and his wife will be celebrating their silver anniversary on June 28. He described it as “a milestone.” Well, it is! Not everyone is given the chance to celebrate their anniversary in prison.

A defiant Bong Revilla recently dared Malacañang, “Ikulong na nila ako. Ngayon na! Hinahamon ko sila, ngayon na. Dahil pagod na ako. Masyadong mahaba na ang sakripisyo ng pamilya ko.” The impassioned statement received a salute from his family and an automatic nomination from PMPC.

Bong Revilla dared Malacañang to jail him now ‘coz he’s already tired. Here’s a tip: resign.

Revilla also accused Malacañang of ‘hostaging’ the Senate and the House of Representatives saying, “Kung anuman ang gusto nilang ipasunod, susunod lahat. Ano pa’ng magagawang matinong trabaho namin dito sa Kongreso?” And even Congress was like, “Trabaho? As if!”

Sony has invented a 185-terabyte cassette tape that could store 47 million songs. That’s the good news. The bad news is it will take you 47 years to rewind.

Sony has re-invented a cassette tape that will allow users to store 47 million songs. In response, today’s youth said, “What’s a cassette tape?”

KrisThe Barrettos
In a TV interview, actress Claudine Barretto, who’s at odds with her sisters, lambasted Gretchen Barretto and called her “heartless.” Addressing her ate, Claudine said, “You say you’re happy? I don’t see that. With your face all botoxed and all, I don’t see that.” Inside, Gretchen was very angry. Outside, it’s hard to tell.

An incensed Claudine Barretto told Gretchen, “You say you’re happy? I don’t see that. With your face all botoxed and all, I don’t see that.” Sources say Gretchen monitored the full interview. In fact, while watching the 10-minute exclusive, she didn’t blink.

Viewers have had enough of the Barretto sisters’ public catfight. They advised them to just move on. To which, Gretchen’s face replied, “Good luck to me!”
“The problem with politics isn’t the money; it’s the power.”
~ Harry Browne

Sound Bites
“Sa pananaw ko meron itong national security kasi baka magiba ang Senado kapag nalabas ito sa publiko.”
~Panfilo Lacson on the so-called Napoles list

“Nagalit na naman ang aking kapatid. Sabi n’ya, nagpapapogi lang ako at his expense. I’ll have to be honest. Jinggoy and I are not close. He’s always furious with me.”
~JV Ejercito

Lifestyle check is an investigation strategy developed by anti-corruption agencies in the Philippines to determine the existence of ill-gotten and unexplained wealth of officials and employees of the government. (Source)

Poll Results
Isyu ang bawat sabihin at gawin ni Kris Aquino. Maraming natutuwa, maraming naiirita. Sinong dapat sisihin?

-Pareho: Kris and media. 39.05%
-Hindi ko na lang pinapansin si Kris at ang mga balita tungkol sa kanya. Deadma. 29.88%
-Ang media. Bawat galaw kasi ibinabalita. 18.93%
-Si Kris mismo. Sumusobra na. Me, me, me and me. And more me. 12.13%

Have a great week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos courtesy of the Philippine Senate, Kicker Daily, Inquirer.Com, Rappler, Twicsys.Com, ABS-CBN News.Com,]



18 07 2012

SENATOR JINGGOY ESTRADA shot down the proposal of his half-brother Cong. JV Ejercito to form a “super coalition” between the Liberal Party and the United Nationalists Alliance for next year’s midterm elections. It would really be difficult for Joseph Estrada to coalesce his PMP with LP; he couldn’t even unite Jinggoy and JV.

Reacting to Cong. JV Ejercito’s proposal, presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda said, “I thought the UNA was the team to beat, so why are they asking for a coalition with LP?” Lacierda made Mar Roxas so proud.

Congressman JV Ejercito admitted that he was surprised by Edwin Lacierda’s “arrogance.” For a moment, JV thought Lacierda was Jinggoy Estrada.

A policeman who was driving a van was relieved of his post for not giving way to President Aquino’s convoy along Commonwealth Avenue in Quezon City Tuesday morning. If this happened in Davao City, the cop would probably be eating the van right now.

Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda said Senior Police Officer 2 Ricardo Pascua who was relieved of his duties “was arrogant.” And SPO2 Pascua was like, “Look who’s talking!”

SPO2 Ricardo Pascua is being investigated for not giving way to the presidential convoy. Defending himself, Pascua explained he thought the President was serious when he promised, “Kayo ang boss ko.”

Pastry shop Hizon’s is naming one of its desserts after Comedy King Dolphy. Meanwhile, Dragon Fireworks is naming one of its deadly firecrackers after Annabelle Rama.

Health authorities confirmed that a McDonald’s customer in Temuco, Chile found a rat’s tail in his hamburger. The store manager denied rumors it was a publicity stunt for their new offering, the MiceValue Meals.

A McDonald’s customer in Temuco, Chile found a rat’s tail in his hamburger. The restaurant was ordered shut down but this morning it decided to reopen after changing its name to Mouse Donald’s.

Erroneous Forecast
Local officials in the Netherlands demanded that weather forecasters who got their predictions wrong should be fined but not fired. Dr. Prisco Nilo wished he was Dutch.

Eat Bulaga Milestone
The Philippines’ longest-running TV show “Eat Bulaga” has an international edition now. “Eat Bulaga Indonesia” premiered last Monday, July 16 on Surya Citra Televisi. Not to be outdone, online rumors say Vientiane Television will soon launch “Happy Yipee Yehey Laos.”
“Arrogant people beat each other.”
~Toba Beta

Quotes Quiz. Who tweeted:
“Mr. President, dying mothers & starving children need your protection. The best legacy you can leave behind is the RH Bill.”
A: Congresswoman Lucy Torres-Gomez
B: Congresswoman Carmen Cojuangco
C: Party-list Rep. Luzviminda Ilagan
D: Party-list Rep. Kaka Bag-ao

Enjoy the rest of the week!

Answer to Quotes Quiz: B

The Professional Heckler has appeared in a Jollibee Foods, Corp. advertorial.

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