The New PNP Chief
Earlier this week, President Aquino appointed Deputy Director General Raul Bacalzo as the new chief of the Philippine National Police. Sought for reaction after his appointment, Bacalzo said, “Grabe! Para akong tumama sa jueteng!”

Newly-appointed PNP chief Deputy Director General Raul Bacalzo said “I’m ordering my regional and district directors to eradicate jueteng and all forms of illegal gambling,” – to which the regional and district directors said, “Sir, saan n’yo kami gustong magsimula? Sa puno?”

The Undersecretary
Rumors say the jueteng allegation has been taking its toll on Undersecretary Rico Puno. Of late, he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t eat, and he couldn’t resist TV and radio guestings.

Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno denied allegations he was on the take from jueteng operators… but few people believed him. That’s one of the perils of being a Puno in government.

Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno has reportedly offered to step down. As of press time though, he’s still there. If he doesn’t resign in 11 days, President Aquino will take the cudgels for him.

ABS-CBN’s informant revealed that Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno is one of two high-ranking government officials who allegedly receive monthly jueteng payola. ABS-CBN has declined to identify its informant… out of respect for Archbishop Cruz’ request to remain anonymous.

Top 5 Movie Remakes Starring Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno

No. 5: Close Encounters of the Emissary Kind

No. 4: Kung Fu Pineda

No. 3: Jueteng to Exhale

No. 2: Look Who’s Taking!

And the No. 1 movie remake starring Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno…

Y Tu Mamá Tumbok ng otsenta, sahod ng beinte

The Senate Probe
Senators are set to conduct a fresh investigation into the jueteng controversy. If nothing comes out of the probe, they’ll invite TV news executives and blame them for reporting about jueteng.

News Execs Grilled
Last Tuesday, senators grilled television news executives and a couple of radio news anchors in connection with the bungled hostage rescue. ABS-CBN’s Maria Ressa tried to explain their side. GMA 7’s Jessica Soho tried to defend their action. RMN’s Michael Rogas tried to negotiate.

GMA News executive Jessica Soho admitted that after the August 23 hostage crisis, she and ABS-CBN news chief Maria Ressa became textmates. In fairness though, Ressa also tried to text TV5 news head Luchi Cruz-Valdez about the incident but she got disappointed when Luchi replied, “Hu u?”

Light Bites
Q: What has three heads, six legs and gives conflicting statements?
A: The Presidential Communications Group

Q: What has six legs, four eyes, and goes Ngoorkkzz?
A: A drunk executive secretary slumped on a chair
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”
– Kin Hubbard

Survey Says
Dapat bang pangalanan ni Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz ang high ranking officials na umano’y tumatanggap ng jueteng payola?
– OO! Now na! 84.23%
– HINDI! Trabaho ng DILG ‘yan! 5.18%
– Bahala s’ya. It’s up to him. 10.59%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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May 11, 2010
Makati City


I congratulate Sen. Benigno Simeon “Noynoy” Aquino III on his victory.

I accept the will of the people.

I encourage every Filipino to work side-by-side with our new president… with the exception of those who are allergic to second hand smoke.

I would like to thank the readers of this blog who volunteered to disseminate the information that I maintain a Twitter account. I may have failed to update my blog on Election Day but people were able to monitor my activities by following me on Twitter.

Today, I concede. Yes, I concede that Noynoy Aquino is a more entertaining subject than Manuel Villar Jr., Joseph Estrada, or any other presidential candidates.

His victory is just the beginning. There’s so much work to do. There’s a lot of Noynoyisms to write about.

Let us celebrate democracy and let the heckling flourish even more under his administration.

Mabuhay ang sambayanang Pilipino! Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!


The Professional Heckler


In the news today…
Conceding defeat to Noynoy Aquino, Sen. Manuel Villar Jr. apologized to the people whom he may have hurt during the campaign. He apologized to his opponents, to their supporters, and to his critics. He didn’t say though when is he going to apologize to his mother.

Speaking before the press Tuesday morning, Manny Villar conceded defeat to Noynoy Aquino. In accepting his sorry loss, Villar vowed to support the Aquino administration… by not releasing any psychiatric reports anymore.

Sen. Manny Villar has conceded defeat to Noynoy Aquino. There’s no word yet though if Willie Revillame is also conceding defeat to Jobert Sucaldito.

Gordon and JC, Too
Reports say Sen. Richard Gordon was the third presidential candidate to concede defeat. That’s according to news reports. But according to SWS and Pulse Asia, he’s the sixth candidate to do so.

At press time, Sen. Jamby Madrigal is in 8th place in the presidential race. But the feisty senator is not about to concede defeat saying, “Hindi ako kumakain ng pride.”

Trailing his eight rivals in the official counting, Ang Kapatiran Party standard-bearer JC De Los Reyes has also conceded defeat. K.

Gilbert Throws in the Towel
Lakas-Kampi-CMD standard-bearer Gilbert Teodoro has conceded defeat to his second cousin, Sen. Noynoy Aquino. Unfortunately for Gilbert, he failed to make it work. I mean, “Mind over mother.”

In accepting his defeat, administration candidate Gilbert Teodoro said, “I did not fight for a political position for myself but for an idea. Winning or losing is secondary. We fight for an idea.” Monitoring Gibô on ANC, Noynoy Aquino inexplicably had a nosebleed.

Administration candidate Gilbert Teodoro lost the presidency. Pastor Apollo Quiboloy’s “God” lost its credibility. Boo!

Mar and Binay
Jejomar Binay is reportedly winning the race for vice president despite getting junked by the INC; snubbed by Quiboloy, and dumped by his own running mate. Now that’s what you call ‘failure of rejection.’

Outgoing Makati City Jejomar Binay looks headed for an upset win over Sen. Mar Roxas. Sought for comment, Roxas said, “Masakit. Para akong tinadyakan ng dark horse.”

As Jejomar Binay leads the counting for vice president, Noynoy Aquino denies reports that some Liberal Party stalwarts have started to abandon his running mate, Mar Roxas. Dissatisfied with Noynoy’s denial, Joey Salceda suggested a loyalty check.

Ex-presidential contender turned vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas is losing his bid for the vice presidency… making ex-future First Lady Korina Sanchez the leading candidate for ex-future Second Lady.

Partial, unofficial tally shows Sen. Mar Roxas is trailing Jejomar Binay in the vice presidential race. When he saw the partial results in the news, Roxas said, “Basta! Alam ko na kung sino ang hindi ko isasama sa repeat concert ng Tears for Fears!”

Erap and Binay
Videos and photos have revealed that Joseph Estrada did not vote for a vice presidential candidate. But Estrada’s running mate, Jejomar Binay was unfazed by the reported alleged rejection. After all, he’s got his ‘other’ president.

Noynoy Wins
Results of the partial, unofficial count show that Sen. Noynoy Aquino has won the presidency. Finally, he’s got something to write under the column “Achievements” on his curriculum vitaé.

Noynoy Aquino has confirmed reports that Dinky Soliman has accepted his offer to become DSWD secretary. Aquino has earlier vowed to reward Soliman with a cabinet post on condition that she won’t sing “If We Hold On (Together)” again.

Photo of the Weak

Ano ang pinag-uusapan ng dalawang lalaki sa larawan?

A: “Natatandaan mo pa ba noong magpunta tayo minsan sa isang girlie joint doon sa QC? Sinundan pala ako ng Tita Ellen Binay mo. ‘Buti na lang, madilim sa kuwarto. Hindi ako nakita!”

“Ha-ha-ha! Pati ba naman ‘yun natandaan n’yo pa? Para tuloy gusto kong bumalik.”

B: “Sa tingin mo ‘Noy, iinterviewhin pa kaya ako ni Korina kapag bumalik siya sa DZMM?”

“Ha-ha-ha! Kabahan ka na Manong! Pero ‘wag ako ang tanungin mo d’yan. ‘The Buzz’ lang at ‘SNN’ ang hawak ko.”

C: “Puwede bang maghati tayo ng term? First three years, ikaw ang presidente, ako ang bise. ‘Tapos, last three years, ako naman ang presidente at ikaw ang bise. Sige na, pumayag ka na. Subok lang!”

“Ha-ha-ha! Nautot naman ako sa sinabi n’yo. Tanungin ko muna ang Pink Sisters.”

D: “Nagbabasa ka ba ng column ni Conrado De Quiros ng Inquirer? Paborito ka no’n! You think, magugustuhan n’ya rin ako?”

“Oo naman! Kayo pa!? Alam n’yo bang mahilig sa analogy ng ‘good & evil’ si De Quiros? Eksakto! Good ako. Evil kayo! I luveeeet!”
Note: This is just a partial dose of my post-elections report. The results from the local voting are next. Plus, a special article on our new president.
Battle of the Networks
Did you see GMA News’ use of a “hologram” in their election coverage? Award-winning journalist Howie Severino became the first Filipino to be beamed in “a hologram” on live TV. But the feat didn’t impress Noynoy Aquino that much saying he’s seen the same stuff in his favorite PC games.

Howie Severino became the first Filipino journalist to be beamed on live TV in “a hologram” – or as Pastor Apollo Quiboloy would describe it, “a vision.”

GMA News and Public Affairs ushered in a first on Philippine television. Howie Severino became the first Filipino to be beamed in “a hologram” on live TV. But rumors say it wasn’t really Howie but his boss, Jessica Soho who was supposed to be beamed first during the coverage. There wasn’t just enough ‘beam’ to make it possible.

How about ABS-CBN’s high-tech equipment? Did you see the huge Philippine map that was projected right in front of the news anchor? Viewers were treated to a rare spectacle when some of the islands on the map started to disappear on live TV – during high tide!

ABS-CBN’s comprehensive coverage of the May 2010 elections utilized a new broadcast technology called “augmented reality,” which combines computer-generated imagery in live-video streams as a way to expand the real-world. Or as Lito Lapid would say, “Higanteng touch screen lang ‘yan!”

Finally… another rumor has it GMA News was not the first news organization to use the idea of “a hologram” to make it appear that a news person is actually there in person while fellow news persons pretend to be in awe while talking to her. That’s exactly what happens every time Korina Sanchez drops by the ABS-CBN Newsroom.
“Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.”
~ Marilyn vos Savant

Survey Says
Neck-and-neck ang labanan. Kung dalawa na lang ang maglalaban sa pagka-bise presidente, sino ang iboboto mo?
Jejomar BINAY 28%
Mar ROXAS 48%
Wala! Ayoko sa kanilang dalawa! 24%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.


The US Elections
Even before the final ballot could be counted, US presidential candidate John McCain has conceded the 2008 presidential election to Democratic rival Barack Obama. That was a quick one. To give you an idea how quick it was, John McCain accepted defeat in less than 48 hours… Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago has yet to concede to Fidel Ramos after 16 years.

The US Elections II
Less than 48 hours after voting began, a new American president was declared. That was fast! To give you an idea how fast it was, John McCain has conceded the presidential race even before Jose De Venecia could sign the copy of the impeachment complaint handed to him three weeks ago.

CNN’s Historic Coverage
For the first time in television broadcast history, CNN aired a live report beamed through holographic technology. Reporter Jessica Yellin who was in Chicago was projected as a three-dimensional hologram and talked to CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer as if she was in the network’s Manhattan studio. ABS-CBN News is reportedly using a similar technology – not to cover the news, but to prevent physical altercations between Maria Ressa and Luchi Cruz-Valdez during their staff meeting.

CNN’s Historic Coverage II
CNN reporter Jessica Yellin said she was surrounded by 44 cameras and 20 computers as CNN beamed her live report through holographic technology. GMA 7 is reportedly looking forward to duplicating CNN’s unprecedented feat but is nonetheless worried they might use twice the number of cameras in order to beam Jessica Soho live!

Briefly Noted: Sic
Deputy presidential spokesperson Lorelei Fajardo said, “We wish to express our profound congratulations to President-elect Barack Obama for his historical and stellar win as the 44th president of the US.” I hope you are reading this Ms. Fajardo. “Historic” po dapat ‘yon, hindi “historical.”

No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown.
— William Penn