FORMER SENATOR Panfilo Lacson’s wife Alice had a horrifying experience in Manila recently. Just seconds after alighting from her parked car, robbers snatched one of her diamond-studded gold earrings. She is ok now. It was not the first time Mrs. Lacson came face-to-face with thieves. She used to visit the Senate remember?

Former senator Panfilo Lacson’s wife Alice was victimized by a bunch of thieves in Manila. At least three suspects have been identified. The thieves claimed innocence and vowed to defend themselves in separate privilege speeches.

After receiving complaints from travelers, President Aquino apologized for the busted air conditioning system at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport – one of the world’s worst airports. Things are getting worse over there at the NAIA. It was so bad that this morning, Ninoy Aquino appealed that the airport be re-named after someone else.

Due to the flood control project of the Department of Public Works and Highways, 400,000 residents of Metro Manila and Cavite are now experiencing water service cutoff. Those areas will go dry. If it’s any consolation, they now have something in common with the President.

A driver of a sportscar that overtook a presidential convoy last Wednesday was charged with reckless driving. When he was ticketed, Jeffrey Roxas-Chua of Urdaneta Village, Makati City got angry and told a police officer, “Kay Presidente pala kayo huh. Ganyan pala. Humanda ka ‘pag naging presidente si Binay o si Erap. Ipatatanggal kita.” Apparently, Chua was not only driving really fast. He was also packing winds of up to 285 kilometres per hour.

Reports say Manny Pacquiao might see action in the PBA soon. Pacman was quoted to have said he might just play for one of the three newest teams in the league – Kia. Owners of other teams are reportedly cool with the idea as long as the PBA imposes a ban on Mommy Dionisia.

In his Holy Week message, President Aquino said, “As followers of Jesus, Filipinos must always be ready to make their own sacrifices.” And MRT riders were like, “You have no freakin’ idea.”

Seven Last Modern Words

“Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing.”
– People praying for selfie addicts

“I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
– Juan Ponce Enrile on the phone with Gigi Reyes

“Dear woman, here is your son.”
– God explaining ‘things’ to Raquel Pempengco

“My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”
– MRT Rider

“I am thirsty.”
– Anne Curtis

“It is finished!”
– Jejomar Binay to 2016 rivals

“Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!”
– Erap holding a glass of Petrus wine while praying

Scientists say an authentic papyrus fragment found in ancient Egypt suggests Jesus was married. In the said document, Jesus mentioned the words “my wife” while talking to his disciples. A number of people are questioning its authenticity though. In the interest of fair reporting, we will get the side of the person who took the minutes of that meeting.

In Brgy. San Pedro Cutud, City of San Fernando, Pampanga, 53-year-old signboard maker, Ruben Enaje was crucified for the 28th time as he portrayed the role of Jesus in the traditional staging of a play called Via Crucis. Tourists and residents applauded Enaje for his record-setting feat. He totally nailed it!
“Miracles only happen if you believe in miracles.”
~ Paulo Coelho

Sound Bites
“Humihingi tayo ng paumanhin at pasensya pero talagang sa higpit ng mga patakaran sa gobyerno… hindi ka naman puwedeng umorder ngayon (ng air-con units) at deliver within 30 days.”
~President Aquino on the busted aircon system at the NAIA

The BIR’s Latest Print Ad:
Attention: Lawyers

Have a safe vacation!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Information Agency, SunStar Cebu, Associated Press, Bureau of Internal Revenue]

%d bloggers like this: