HOLIDAY


Ramadan Ends
The Holy month of Ramadan officially ended Monday evening with the appearance of the new moon. Apparently, Malacañang miscalculated and erred in the declaration of a holiday. So while Muslims rejoice in celebrating Eid’l Fitr today, Christians will rejoice over another non-working day tomorrow.

Ramadan Ends II
Instead of Tuesday, Malacañang declared Wednesday a holiday in celebration of Eid’l Fitr. When it comes to declaring holidays, palace officials never run out of surprises. So watch out! We might just celebrate Christmas on November 1!

The POC Elections
Art Macapagal is seeking to replace Jose “Peping” Cojuangco as president of the Philippine Olympic Committee. Art who? He’s the half-brother of President Arroyo. Or to be more precise, the president is his half sister.

Chinese Milk Scare and Chocolates
Mars, maker of M&M and Snickers chocolates, insists that its products are all safe. It has also denied rumors that M&M actually stands for Milk & Melamine.

Tax on Text
House Speaker Prospero Nograles wants to revive the proposed tax on text messaging to generate funds for, listen to this: “education and health care.” Education and health care. Wow, he must be following the US presidential campaign religiously.

Ces Drilon Returns
After completing her three-month suspension for disobeying her superiors, newsreader Ces Drilon will return tomorrow, October 1 as anchor of ABS-CBN’s “Bandila.” Nope she was not alllowed to resign. Why would the network let go of someone they bailed out from the Abu Sayyaf for millions of hard-earned pesos?

Bb. Pilipinas-Wold Resigns
Controversial Bb. Pilipinas-World titlist Janina San Miguel has reportedly resigned citing as reason her grandfather’s recent death. She will no longer compete in the Miss World pageant in December. Asked if the death of her lolo is putting pressure on her right now, Janina replied, “Yes, the death of her lolo is putting pressure on her right now! It’s a tough dead.”

Pinoy Films Win
Three Filipino films won in the recently concluded Bangkok International Film Festival: Francis Xavier Pasion’s “Jay,” Brillante Mendoza’s “Serbis,” and John Torres’ “When I Was A Child Outside.” In the Philippines, they are referred to as Indie… Indie pinapanood, Indie kumikita.

MVP and Basketball
PLDT president Manny V. Pangilinan is celebrating two victories in two weeks: The Ateneo Blue Eagles’ UAAP championship, and the San Beda Red Lions’ NCAA win. He’s a proud alumnus of both schools. In a few days, San Beda’s top playmaker John Paul Escobal (in photo) is reportedly joining Pangilinan’s Talk ‘N Txt team in the PBA. Sought for a confirmation, Pangilinan said, “Yes he is! And that’s win No. 3 for me.”

CHICKEN CROSSING (VERSION 2008)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Here’s why according to controversial Filipino personalities (government officials, politicians, prominent businessmen, and local celebrities):

21: Lolit Solis: “Ma at pa! Basta! Sure ako sa aking nakita! Tumawid ang manok na ‘yan at may kasama pa siyang isa. Hinding-hindi ako magre-retract.”

20: ABS-CBN: “Somebody manipulated the chicken into crossing the road and we believe that the manipulator comes from another network.”

19: GMA 7: “We strongly condemn the insinuation that we were involved in the manipulation of the chicken. We will take this baseless allegation to court to clear our name.”

18: Juan Manuel Marquez: “To do some unfinished business.”

17: Manny Pacquiao: “I don’t agree. For me, business is over.”

16: Tim Yap/The Gucci Gang: “To party! (And snort some stuff.)”

15: Bb. Pilipinas-World Janina San Miguel: “Oh I’m sorry. A-ha-ha. I’m only 17 years old. I did not expect that the chickens is a tough hens.”

14: MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando: “Pano’ng di tatawid ‘yan eh wala nang madaanan sa sidewalk. Okupado ng vendors!”

13: Joseph Estrada: “A legal study shows that the chicken can still cross the road even if it has failed to complete its first attempt to get to the other side.”

12: Albay Gov. Joey Salceda: “The important thing is the chicken didn’t get run over. Such a lucky bitch!”

11: Cory Aquino: “Why did the chicken cross the road? Let us all pray so that the truth will come out.”

10: President Arroyo: “I reiterate: my government is focused on the economy. We will not be bothered by the noise created by some fowls marching in some streets.”

9: CBCP: “We are also for the truth and we believe that no one should prevent witnesses from talking. But please, leave the chicken alone and let it finish its journey to the other side!”

8: Sen. Joker Arroyo: “Don’t mess around with my chicken!”

7: Sen. Jamby Madrigal: “Let’s subpoena the chicken and ask why. If it refuses to talk, I will expose its secrets.”

6: Sen. Panfilo Lacson: “I have a surprise witness who will tell us why the chicken crossed the road. Ladies and gentlemen… my witness!”

5: Leo San Miguel: “Aba malay ko! Wala akong alam d’yan.”

4: Benjamin Abalos: “Preposterous! I categorically deny na nagbanta akong ipapapatay ang manok na ‘yan kaya biglang tumawid sa kabila!”

3: CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri: “I heard that motorists always try to beat the red light in that street. I believe the chicken crossed the road to moderate their speed.”

2: Jun Lozada: “Kinabahan kasi ang chicken nang lapitan ito ng tatlong tandang na hindi nagpakilala. Naalala tuloy niya ang nangyari noon kina McChicken at Chickenjoy… kinidnap tapos pinatay.”

And the No. 1 answer to the question, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

1: First Gentleman Mike Arroyo: “You keep saying that the chicken crossed the road but where is your evidence!? Maglabas muna kayo ng ebidensya!”

HERE’S TWO MORE:
Philippine Daily Inquirer (Banner Story): “Unnamed sources say the chicken crossed the road to lay eggs”

Two days later…

Philippine Daily Inquirer (Erratum): “We would like to apologize to the chicken. It couldn’t possibly lay eggs as what we have previously reported because the chicken was in fact – a rooster!”

Enjoy your vacation!

“NO, I DON’T FEEL ANY PRESSURE RIGHT NOW!”

null The Running Man

Former president Joseph Estrada has confirmed that he is signing a movie contract with Star Cinema next month. I think that just answered the question, “whose presidential bid will ABS-CBN and the Lopezes support in 2010?”

The Running Man II

Former president Joseph Estrada said that he is not seeking the presidency in 2010 but, “if the people want me to run, who am I to turn them down?” Oh, just cut the crap! You’re running. Period.

Unity Walk

Following the unity walk with military and police officials, the members of the cabinet, local government officials, and congressmen, it was the turn of some 1000 students and youth to stage a unity walk with President Arroyo in Malacañang. Unconfirmed rumors say the “Greedy Group” has also expressed interest in doing the unity walk to show their support for her but Malacañang has politely declined because – their asking price was just too high. Baka bumukol.

null Lozada Laments

Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada lamented that due to the “current situation,” his kids at La Salle Greenhills couldn’t even travel or go on a summer vacation. Worse, their father has decided to do some traveling of his own.

Lozada Laments II

Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada lamented that due to the “current situation,” his children couldn’t even go on a summer vacation. Of course, that could easily be resolved – if only he would spend time with them!

A Huge Fan of Lozada

During a Lozada rally in the Visayas, a nun stood from the crowd and admitted that while it was her first time to see Jun Lozada in person, she immediately fell for his charms. “I was enamored,” she excitedly told him. That’s what I call… sister in low.

Briefly Noted

Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada so enjoys taking the rostrum, if he is elected congressman, he’ll surely seek the Speakership.

Super Lotto

Nobody won Thursday night’s 162 million-peso jackpot in the PCSO’s Super Lotto draw. Chances are… panalo na naman ang mga obispo!

What The Girl Wants null

Janina San Miguel, the Bb. Pilipinas-World titlist who became an instant YouTube sensation primarily because of her grammatical gaffe during the pageant’s Q&A portion revealed that she wanted to be a reporter. This Just In: Since Ms San Miguel knows how to apologize for committing huge mistakes, the Philippine Daily Inquirer is reportedly interested in employing her after graduation.

What the Girl Needs

Bb. Pilipinas pageant judge, Vivienne Tan, president of the Entrepreneurs School of Asia has offered newly-crowned beauty queen Janina San Miguel a crash course in English. I’m sure… she’s plattered.

What the Girl Needs II

The good news: Technical Education Skills and Development Authority (TESDA) chief Augusto Syjuco has offered Janina San Miguel a crash course in English. The bad news: After finishing the crash course, she is required to take Welding 101.
What the Girl Needs III

Vivienne Tan and TESDA have offered an English crash course for Janina San Miguel. Sought for a reaction on the twin offer, Janina replied, “Ay baka di ko kayanin. Takot akong sumakay ng eroplano eh!”

Quote of the Previous Week

Paolo Bediones: You’ve won two major awards: Best in Swimsuit and Best in Long Gown. Do you feel any pressure right now?
Janina: No! I don’t feel any pressure right now. (How profound!)

Just a thought, would President Arroyo give the same response if she’s asked the same question today?

Have a safe weekend!

null Personal

Smooth jazz, anyone? XFM92.3 is the new home of smooth jazz in Mega Manila. Click here for details.