IMPEACHED!


News Flash!
A magnitude 212 earthquake shook the Philippine archipelago shortly after midnight Tuesday.

The Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology said the quake’s epicenter was 17.6 km northeast of Manila, and was political in origin.

Intensity 46 was felt by the opposition bloc. Although there were no immediate reports of damage to properties, one casualty was reported. Authorities identified her as Merceditas Navarro Gutierrez, the incumbent Ombudsman of the Philippine government.

Sources say the influential religious sect Iglesia ni Cristo with the help of lawmakers loyal to the previous administration tried but failed to stop the quake from happening. The tsunami of expected support for Gutierrez fizzled out.

Aftershocks are expected to be felt in the Senate when session resumes in May. The public is advised to prepare and remain vigilant.

A similar tremor has rocked Gutierrez in 2009. However, the pro-Arroyo bloc in the Lower House was able to rescue her. She survived the quake unscathed. At press time, her camp has yet to issue a statement.
(With a report from USGS)

This just in!
Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez finally broke her silence after the House of Representatives voted to impeach her. The Professional Heckler was granted an exclusive! But there’s a catch! OMG requested that she be interviewed by someone close to her. So friends, here’s the transcript of a yet to be aired one-on-one conversation between Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez and former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo!

GMA: Hello Mercy!
OMG: Hello Glory! I mean, hi ma’am.

GMA: I heard sha akin ka lang nagpa-interview. Maraming shalamat sha pagtitiwalang ibinigay mo sha akin huh.
OMG: Boy Abunda ikaw ba ‘yan? Joke lang ma’am. Siyempre naman ma’am. Kayo pa!?

GMA: Bilish-bilisshan lang natin ‘noh kasshi may check up pa sa St. Luke’ssh shi Mike.
OMG: Bakit ma’am? Anong nangyari?

GMA: No worriessh. Medyo shumakit lang ang batok habang nanonood ng botohan sha Kamara kagabi. He didn’t like my fuchsia dress. He preferred the pink one.
OMG: Pakisabi ho kay Sir, pagaling siya. Sa Mayo na ‘yong trial ko. Kailangang umabot siya do’n.

GMA: Buweno, diretsho na tayo sa mga isshyu. Impeached ka na. Malapit na ang paglilitish mo sa Shenado. How do you feel right now?
OMG: You first ma’am.

GMA: Hihihi. Mapagbiro ka talaga Mershi. Sheriously, hindi ka ba kinakabahan?
OMG: Kayo ma’am, hindi ba kayo kinakabahan? Seriously?

GMA: My gosh naman, Mershi. Ikaw ang iniinterview ko remember? Anshwer my questionssh firssht okay?
OMG: Sorry ma’am. Magulo lang talaga ang isip ko ngayon.

GMA: Inupuan mo nga ba ang malalaking isshyu katulad ng ZTE-NBN deal, ang fertilizer fund ishcam at Euro generalsh scandal?
OMG: Sa tingin n’yo ma’am, may pagkukulang ba ako sa usapin ng Euro generals? May mali ba sa ZTE NBN deal? May scam ba sa fertilizer funds?

GMA: Wala!
OMG: Taaaaaamahhh!
GMA: Remember: ang NBN project, kinanshela ko ang kontrata! Ang fertilizer funds, nagamit sha bukid kahit may El Niño at La Niña, at ang Euro generalsh, kinashuhan mo naman ‘di ba? Sha madaling salita, walang problema!
OMG: ‘Yon na nga ang sinasabi ko ma’am pero ayaw nilang maniwala.

GMA: ‘Di bale, may laban tayo sha Shenado. Pitong boto lang ang kailangan mo para ‘di ka mapatalshik sa puweshto!
OMG: Pero ma’am, balita ko, anytime lilitaw si Lacson. Kalaban ‘yon!

GMA: That cowardly cop?! Shoosh naman! Believe me! We have the numbersh in the Shenate.
OMG: Pero ma’am, sabi ni Senator Enrile, they will vote according to their conscience.
GMA: You believed him? Hahaha! You actually believed Manong Johnny? Kilala ko ang kamada ng mga shenador. Maniwala ka! Mash mauuna ka pang ma-acquit kessha sa pagpayat ni Sharon Cuneta! Hahaha
OMG: Nagpapatawa naman kayo ma’am eh.


GMA: Pinapalakash ko lang ang loob mo Mershi. By the way, may issha pa tayong maaasahang kakampi sha impeachment trial mo!
OMG: Sino ma’am?
GMA: Guesssh.
OMG: Tao ba ‘to?
GMA: Oo!

OMG: Babae?
GMA: Hindi!

OMG: Lalaki!
GMA: Oo!

OMG: Artistahin?
GMA: Puwede!

OMG: Chiz Escudero?
GMA: Hindi!

OMG: Trillanes???!!!
GMA: That traveling lawmaker while in detention?! Hindi!

OMG: Matanda na?
GMA: Hmmm, pwede!
OMG: Joker Arroyo?
GMA: Hindi!

OMG: Matandang-matanda?
GMA: Hindi!
OMG: Bobo?
GMA: Hindi!
OMG: So, hindi si Lito Lapid? Hayyyy, wala na akong maisip. Bong Revilla???
GMA: Hindi! Category ka muna kasshi!
OMG: Okay! Hmmm… lalaki ba ‘to?
GMA: Oo sabi!
OMG: Jamby?!
GMA: Tangek! Wala nang career ‘yon!

OMG: May asawa?
GMA: Oo!

OMG: Nabalitang hiwalay at na-link sa kapwa senador?
GMA: Hindi!

OMG: Angara?!
GMA: Shinabi nang hindi!

OMG: Ang hirap naman. Kakampi natin… hindi pa masyadong matanda… Alam ko na! Bakla??!
GMA: Hindeeeee!

OMG: Oh my gosh. Hindi si Migs. Eh sino? Wala nang iba ah?
GMA: Bilisan mo naman. Two minutes lang.

OMG: Okay… parang 60 pataas ang hitsura?
GMA: Oo!

OMG: Gets ko na! Kiko Pangilinan!
GMA: Hindiiiii!

OMG: Aha! Abogado!
GMA: Oo! Oo! Oo!

OMG: TG Guingona!
GMA: Ano ka ba!! Paanong magiging si TG Guingona eh labas-masok ng palasyo ‘yon at sinisiraan ka!

OMG: Wala na akong maisip eh. Ang hirap! Sirit na ako ma’am!
GMA: Hayyy naku! Ang dali-dali! Anjan lang sha lagi! Kakampi natin! Lalaki! Matalino! 60-ish ang edad! Abogado! Hindi mo man lang naisip si Chief Justice Renato Corona??? Kainish ka!
OMG: Ayyyy, ang daya naman. Hindi naman senador ‘yon!
GMA: Bakit? May sinabi ba akong senador? Basta! Puwede kang humingi ng advice do’n! Mahusay ‘yon! Kahit ‘di nagbabasa ng kumpletong dokumento, nakakagawa ng desisyon ‘yon!
OMG: I’ll take note of that ma’am.

GMA: O, pa’no… kailangan ko nang umalish.
OMG: Thank you ma’am. Nag-enjoy ako. Kahit papa’no, nalimutan ko ang aking problema.
GMA: Bashta sha trial, walang laglagan huh. You know where to call me. And Mike.
OMG: Maaasahan n’yo ma’am.

GMA: By the way, were you awake lasht night? Did you see Mikey when he defended you on the floor?
OMG: Yes ma’am. Pero bakit gano’n? Napunta sa OFWs, at sa presyo ng langis at basic commodities ang speech n’ya?
GMA: My gosh Mershi!? Problemado ka nga. You can’t even identify brilliance can you? Mikey showcased brilliance! Patunay lamang na malawak ang alam niya sa nangyayari sa lipunan! So proud of him.
OMG: ‘K.

GMA: Unssholishited advice lang Mershi. ‘Wag masyadong mag-rely sa Igleshia huh. Hindi ito elekshyon. Walang bloc voting ngayon.
OMG: Sige ma’am.

GMA: Wait! Curioush lang ako. Kung niligawan ka ba ni Rudy Fariñas noong nassha Ateneo pa kayo, may chance na maging kayo?
OMG: Eeeew. Si ma’am naman.
GMA: Kung maka-eeew naman ‘to! Choosy??
OMG: Nanonood kasi ang asawa ko ma’am. Ayun o.
GMA: Ay! ‘Di ko nakita. I am shorry.
[End of transcript]


OMG Impeached
Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez has been impeached by the House of Representatives. Relatives have prevented her from visiting deceased loved ones in the cemetery.

The House of Representatives has voted to impeach Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez. This by far is the biggest accomplishment of Malacañang.

According to Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile, senators sitting as judge in the impeachment court will vote “according to their conscience,” to which ‘conscience’ said, “Hay salamat, for the first time, magagamit rin kami.”

Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez will be tried in the Senate probably in May. Asked about his expectations on the impeachment trial, Sen. Lito Lapid said, “Depende. Depende sa laman ng second envelope.”

The Arroyos
During the counting of votes at the House of Representatives Tuesday night, former President and now, Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo was caught by TV cameras talking on the phone. Unconfirmed reports say, she was overheard saying, “’Yong dagdag! ‘Yong dagdag sa NO votes, ‘asan na?!”


Defending his NO vote, party-list Rep. Mikey Arroyo spoke on the floor and called on President Noynoy Aquino to assist beleaguered OFWs, and lower the prices of basic commodities. Watching at home, Merci Gutierrez was like, “And you expect me to thank you with that defense?”

Pacman Votes
Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao who is training in Baguio City voted “No” via Twitter… mainly because he thought the question was, “Can you spell ‘impeachment?’”

Cong. Manny Pacquiao was apparently watching TV when the House of Representatives voted to impeach Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez. On his Twitter account, Pacquiao voted “No.” Knowing him though, he’ll throw his support behind the ‘Yes’ voters soon.

Congressman Manny Pacquiao voted “No” via Twitter. Meanwhile, Richard Gomez voted ‘Yes’ via Lucy Torres.

In Other News…

The Court of Appeals has clarified that its earlier decision nullifying the warrant of arrest against fugitive senator Panfilo Lacson is executory. Sought for reaction, an overjoyed Lacson says he can’t wait to come home, go to his office, and convict Merci Gutierrez.

According to lawyer Alex Avisado, Senator Lacson is expected to surface very soon. In hiding for more than a year now, Lacson wants to sponsor some bills, reach out to his constituents, and save the marriage of Pampi and Jodi.

Mrs. Ligot, Again!
On Monday, the Senate Blue Ribbon committee resumed its hearing on the alleged corruption in the AFP. The probe began with the singing of the Philippine National Anthem. It was followed by an Invocation… of the right against self-incrimination.


Erlinda Yambao-Ligot, wife of former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot, admitted that she was on Valium during Monday’s Senate hearing. The first question asked her was, “Do you also produce concerts?”

Trustworthy
The latest Pulse Asia survey showed that 3 of 4 Filipinos trusted President Noynoy Aquino. To give you an idea, imagine JC Buendia, Paul Cabral, and Randy Ortiz. That’s three. Now, think of Liz Uy.
——————————————–
“Impeachment is not a remedy for private wrongs; it’s a method of removing someone whose continued presence in office would cause grave danger to the nation.”
~Charles Ruff

Survey Says
Ginagapang daw ng Iglesia ni Cristo ang impeachment case vs. Ombudsman Merci Gutierrez. Magtagumpay kaya ang INC at mabasura ang kaso?
-Oh no! Baka MANALO si Merci! 22.34%
– Hindi rin! Sus! 43.26%
– Let’s see. 34.4%

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