25 03 2013

HAVE YOU HEARD President Aquino’s Holy Week message? He’s blaming GMA for the capture and crucifixion of Jesus Christ!

In his Palm Sunday homily, Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle urged Filipinos to shun “a mentality of retaliation.” To which, the Diocese of Bacolod replied, “Whatevs!”

Rumors say the Senate is organizing a senakulo. But Senate President Enrile  prefers an alternative ending to Jesus Christ’s ‘crucifixion and death.’ He wants ‘ambush and survival.’

According to Bible scholars, the betrayal, capture, crucifixion and death of Jesus were all part of a “plan” – Or as Juan Ponce Enrile would call it, “staged.”

During the senakulo, the senators themselves will reenact the Last Supper. Chiz Escudero can’t wait to have wine.

Congress is staging its own senakulo. There’s a problem though: they can’t find someone who’ll play Jesus because most, if not all solons are only qualified to portray the role of the two thieves.

The Lower House picked Lucy Torres to play the role of the Virgin Mary. But there are rumors she’ll be ousted from the cast.

Holy Week is considered as a period of suffering. James Yap has a term for that: marriage.

krisThe Aftermath
Netizens are divided over the Kris Aquino and James Yap issue. Half of them admired James, the other half admired Viel.

After announcing her resignation, TV host Kris Aquino left the country… for Castel Gandolfo.

Kris Aquino is reportedly studying governance and law. Not to be outdone, James Yap is reportedly studying how to choose women more wisely.

A Philippine Entertainment Portal survey showed more Filipinos tend to believe James Yap over Kris Aquino. Based on the online poll, 6 of 10 believed James while nearly 3 of 10 believed Kris. They were Ballsy, Pinky and Viel.

Heart and Chiz
Guesting live on TV, actress Heart Evangelista said she’s standing by Chiz Escudero… much to the disappointment of her mama, her papa and UNA.

Giant Asteroid
The head of NASA says if a giant asteroid similar to the one that exploded in Russia a couple of weeks back hits Earth, the only thing people can do is “pray.” If that asteroid is heading towards the Philippines, the Supreme Court can always issue a status quo ante order to stop it.

If it’s true that a large asteroid is heading towards Earth, I hope it hits politicians who dance the Gangnam Style in campaign sorties.

1HNLoren’s Crush
In a radio program, Loren Legarda admitted that she had a crush on Gringo Honasan. That’s probably the reason why Honasan’s wife wanted to crush Loren Legarda.
“All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.”
~Cathy Ladman

Word of the Week
Bisita Iglesia, n. Isang tradisyon ng mga kandidato tuwing panahon ng eleksyon kung saan bumibisita sila sa matataas na pinuno ng maimpluwensyang sekta ng relihiyon, ang Iglesia ni Cristo upang humingi ng suporta sa araw ng halalan

Pic of the Weak

Sound Bites
“I’m giving up my shows. Tinatalikuran ko ang mundo na kinilala ko na bumuhay sa akin dahil higit doon sa karera ko, mas mahal ko ang anak ko.”
~Presidential sister Kris Aquino

Have a safe week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Honasan Photo: Mustang0210]



3 04 2012

AS IN PREVIOUS YEARS, a number of political figures, government officials, and other personalities participated in various Holy Week activities. Here are some of them.

President Aquino and sister, Kris just finished Visita Iglesia. Reports didn’t say though if they were able to win back the support of the INC.

The House of Representatives was planning to hold its own senaculo. Unfortunately, no one was willing to play the role of Judas who will betray Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. They demanded 70 million pesos each.

Chief Justice Renato Corona played Jesus in a senaculo in Tanauan City, Batangas. But the trial had to be extended for two hours because his lawyers kept raising objections.

Members of the prosecution panel were the main attraction in another Passion play. Congressman Sonny Angara was nailed to the cross. He was flanked by Cong. Rey Umali and Cong. Niel Tupas. #AlamNa

As a Roman soldier, Arnold Clavio stole the show in Tondo District’s annual Passion play. This, after he told Jesus Christ, “Hindi ka naman Nazarene eh. Nagkukunwari kang Hudyo.”

Breaking: The Holy Week surveys conducted by Pulse Asia and SWS showed a majority of Jews wanted a guilty verdict on Jesus Christ.

Modernong Talasalitaan:
Holy Week Edition (Rerun)

Makabagong kahulugan ng mga salita, parirala o pangungusap batay sa mga kaganapan sa ating kapaligiran. Ang kahulugan ay maaaring madagdagan, mabawasan, o maiba depende sa mga susunod na pangyayari.

1. Mahal na Araw
– Ang karaniwang tawag sa huling pitong araw ng Kuwaresma o Lent.
– Tumutukoy rin sa sitwasyong kinasasadlakan ngayon ng maraming Pilipino.
Lalaki 1: Pareng Cesar, pahiram naman ng 500, pambili lang ng gatas ni Junior.
Lalaki 2: Pasensya na pareng Andoy. Kulang pang pambili ng bigas at asukal ang pera ko eh. Mahal na Araw kasi. Nagtaasan nang lahat.

2. Penitensya
– Isang tradisyong ginagawa ng mga Katoliko tuwing Semana Santa.
– Tumutukoy rin sa pang-araw-araw na buhay ng mga ordinaryong Pilipino dahil sa kabiguan ng kasalukuyang pamahalaang pigilan ang pagtaas ng presyo ng gasolina at bilihin, pamasahe, tuition gayundin ang bayarin sa tubig at kuryente
Reporter: Mang Mario, magpi-penitensya ho ba kayo ngayong Biyernes Santo?
Lalaki: Bakit? Hindi pa ba sapat ang araw-araw na penitensya ko? Give me a break, would you? (Sa sobrang inis, nag-Ingles tuloy si Mang Mario)

3. Kalbaryo
– Ang lugar kung saan namatay si Jesus ayon sa Bibliya.
– Tumutukoy rin sa lugar na kinaroroonan ngayon ng maraming Pilipino
Teacher: Miko Ruiz! Where do you live?
Pupil: Sabi po ng nanay at tatay ko, nasa kalbaryo daw po kami.
Teacher: Very good! Pareho tayo! O s’ya, bili ka na ng tocino ko.

According to Pulse Asia, public satisfaction with the performance of President Aquino went down. His net satisfaction rating has dropped from “58 percent” in December to “what the fu*k is happening to our country” in March 2012.

Malacañang downplayed the reported drop in the Chief Executive’s satisfaction rating. “Hindi po natin dapat intindihin ‘yan. Ang pamamalakad ay hindi survey-driven,” thus, explained President Arroyo Aquino.

The Fugitive
DILG Sec. Jesse Robredo says murder suspect Joel Reyes, a former governor of Palawan is still in the country. Robredo has instructed airport personnel to be on the lookout for ANYONE wearing a red bandana.

Sen. Tito Sotto has been named “Bigot of the Year” by the pro-RH group Filipino Freethinkers. Sharon Cuneta is throwing a victory party!

Facebook Controversy
Remember the case of the high school student who was not allowed to attend the graduation ceremony over a controversial Facebook photo? In case you missed, St. Theresa’s College-Cebu defied the TRO issued by the court against the ban it imposed on the student. Now here’s the latest: the defiant school director is now being considered for the post of DOJ Secretary.

Pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi had won a parliamentary seat in Myanmar’s historic elections. When she retires from politics, Aung San hopes to be replaced by her son, Noynoy Suu Kyi.

‘King of the World’
James Cameron’s “Titanic” is being released in 3D. In the updated version, there were no icebergs because of climate change.

Academy Award-winning film “Titanic” is being released in 3D. Here’s a spoiler: the ship is going to sink.
“If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay home.”
~James A. Michener

Quote of the Day
“Ano ‘yan eh time to time parang…periodic surveys yan, alangan naman palaging nasa taas tayo. Hindi natin maiwasan na sometimes, natatyambahan na yung naiinterview ay hindi pa natin naasikaso nang husto. May panahon naman na ang naiinterview ay mga naasikaso na nang husto.”
~President Aquino on surveys

Have a safe Holy Week break!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.


30 03 2010

IT’S THAT TIME of the year again. Throngs of province-bound passengers will crowd bus terminals. People will drive in droves to beach resorts. Flaggelants will roam the streets. Catholics will visit churches, and Metro Manila streets will be empty. It’s Holy Week! Leading this year’s solemn observance is the First Gentleman… who is currently in Calvary.

Even before Lent, several candidates in the 2010 elections have met with the influential Manalo family. This tradition is called “Visita Iglesia.”

Several political figures and personalities are also joining other Holy Week activities:

In a joint special session, the Senate and the House of Representatives have agreed to stage a senakulo on Good Friday. There’s a huge problem though: with several overqualified lawmakers to play the role, only two will be chosen to portray Dimas and Hestas, the thieves who were crucified with Jesus.

Sen. Manny Villar has agreed to play Jesus Christ… on one condition. His cross will have to be alternately carried by Adel Tamano, Gilbert Remulla, and Alan Peter Cayetano.

Stilll on Villar, his camp is rumored to be staging a modern senakulo in Moriones, Tondo. In their version, Jesus will die because “wala siyang pampagamot.”

Bayan Muna members were assigned the role of the mob during the Nacionalista-organized senakulo. But the play was halted twice when the mob refused to shout “Barabbas! Barabbas!” and instead, chanted, “Poncio Pilato, tuta ng Kano! Imperyalismo, burukrata kapitalismo… ibagsak!”

Sen. Noynoy Aquino who has always been open to ‘any role’ has agreed to play the character of the “chief priest” who commissioned Judas Iscariot to betray Jesus. But Noynoy got so carried away by the character that he promised to reward Judas not just with 30 pieces of silver but hectares of farmland to be given in five years.

In Times Street, the Aquino sisters Pinky, Viel, Ballsy and Kris staged a mini-senakulo participated by Boy Abunda and several other celebrities. But a minor commotion ensued when Kris Aquino, who portrayed the Virgin Mary, insisted on delivering a eulogy – on-cam, live!

Lawyer Gilbert Teodoro accepted the offer to play Jesus Christ but requested that his role be limited to just one scene because of a busy schedule. Organizers granted the request, and assigned Gibô to reenact a very familiar scene: while Jesus Christ is being arrested, his disciples are abandoning him.

Sen. Jamby Madrigal vows to join the senakulo only if Manny Villar played Jesus. Jamby says she’d love to portray the role of a Roman soldier so she could mock, laugh at, and throw things at Villar.

Still on Jamby, she was supposed to take part in the reenactment of the Last Supper. But she backed out when she learned that the meal included salted eggs and galunggong.

Joseph Estrada said he would accept the invitation to play Barabbas only if President Arroyo would play Pontius Pilate… to guarantee his liberty.

In Malacañang, all is set for this year’s senakulo. The stage is ready, the costumes are complete, and cabinet officials have been assigned roles for the drama… until President Arroyo decided to replace them all without notice.

Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay was asked to portray tetrarch Herod Antipas. Initially, Binay was hesitant to accept the minor role. But he changed his mind when he was informed that Herod would rule Galilee and Perea for 48 years.

To save on resources during these trying times, several organizations will reenact only the Last Supper although there would still be 12 apostles on the table. At least three groups have invited Bong Revilla as a guest apostle.

Judge Vivencio Baclig of Quezon City Regional Trial Court Branch 77 also joined a senakulo where he gave life to Pontius Pilate. When he asked the crowd to choose between Barrabas and Jesus, the crowd yelled: “Barabbas!” But in a shocking turn of events, Judge Baclig decided to release Andal Ampatuan Sr. instead.

Finally, KBL’s Vetellano Acosta who volunteered to participate in a passion play was removed from the cast two weeks before the show when organizers discovered that he was not even Catholic.

All senators, except for Jamby Madrigal have confirmed attendance to this year’s Easter Egg Hunt in UP.

Also on Jamby: organizers of a senakulo revealed that when the actor who played Jesus was being laid in the tomb, the senator’s supporters were distributing Jamby bracelets.
“Often, the less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it.”
~ Mark Twain

In the News: Ricky Martin
On his official Web site, the former Menudo member said, “”I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.”
Ricky Reyes, Ricky Lo, Ricky Rivero, Ricky Lee, Ricky Belmonte, Ricky Davao(?),Ricky Martin. Any other Rickys out there?

Also in the news: Albay Governor Joey Salceda
Salceda reacted to the dethronement of Bb. Pilipinas-Universe Maria Venus Raj.

Raj was stripped of her title by the Bb. Pilipinas Charities Inc. because of citizenship issues. The BPCI replaced her with the second runner-up, Nicolette Henson. The move has apparently irked Salceda who was quoted to have said, “I wanted to know why the first runner-up, Ms Diane Samar Necio, my townmate, did not automatically take the place of Ms Binibining Pilipinas-Universe, Ms. Venus Raj, who was ousted.”

Tanong ng bayan: Why is the governor so interested in beauty pageants?

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