I am on Twitter and IG: @HecklerForever8
Gordon: Duterte is a cheap politician.
Gordon: Duterte is a cheap politician.
I am on Twitter and IG: @HecklerForever8
“By the way, may lumabas nga palang research – nakakaliit daw ng ari ng lalaki ang pollution.”
Dear Mr. President,
Uy! Birthday mo pala today, March 28. Pero sa Twitter at Facebook, March 27 pa lang, trending na ang hashtag na #DutertePalpak. Ang sama. ’Di ka man lang pinagbigyan. Pwede namang on the day itself ‘di ba? Bakit ang aga ng posts?
Kaninang umaga, trending din ang #DuterteAngHulingKaarawan sa Twitter. That hashtag was way out of line! It’s so mean. Hindi dapat nagwi-wish ng masama sa kapwa kahit gaano pa ito kawalanghiya, kabalahura, kawalang-silbi o katraydor sa bayan.
Seventy-six years old ka na pala. Bata pa. I’m sure, magtatagal ka pa sa mundo. Alam mo naman siguro ang kasabihan tungkol sa masamang damo ‘di ba? I’m not saying na masamang damo ka. Sinasabi ko lang na may gano’ng paniniwala ang mga Pinoy.
Mahigit isang taon na ang lockdown sa Pilipinas. ‘Yung ibang bansa, bakuna na ang usapan, pero dito, parang back to square one na naman. Pero hindi ako mag-a-attempt na magmarunong o payuhan ka. Hindi ako retired general.
ECQ pala ulit. Syet. Marami na naman ang mai-stress. So, pa’no ‘yan? Magtatambak na naman ba ng dolomite ang DENR sa Manila Bay para gumaan ang pakiramdam ng mga Filipino?
One week lang naman pala ang ECQ. By April 5, pwede na ulit maglamyerda si Harry Roque. He deserves a break. Ang hirap kaya ng trabaho niya. Ipahiya mo ba naman ang sarili mo araw-araw, paanong ‘di ka mapapagod? No wonder, he got infected. He tested positive for toxicity.
Sana hindi na ma-extend ang lockdown. Inaalala ko kasi ang mga walang pagkukunan ng ayuda. Saan sila tatakbo? ‘Buti pa nga ‘yong anak mo, alam na ang tatakbuhan.
Halos sampung libo na naman ang COVID19 cases sa iba’t ibang lugar sa Pilipinas. To be fair, mas kokonti ‘yan kumpara sa dami ng nagkalat na Run Sara Run tarpaulins! #justsaying
Sorry, lumalayo na ako. Balik tayo sa birthday mo. Nakita ko ang press release ng iyong alalay. Sa picture, lumang shirt at shorts lang ang suot mo. Nagbu-blow ka ng candle na nakatusok sa isang cup of rice. Grabe! Kung napaaga lang sana, baka nagka-Oscars nomination ka. Ang galing! Muntik na naming malimutang marami kang accounts sa BPI.
By the way, may lumabas nga palang research: nakakaliit daw ng ari ng lalaki ang pollution. I’m sure, hindi ka worried sa news na ito kasi the biggest dicks are in your government.
Happy birthday, Mr. President!
Harry Roque: So ‘yun na nga ang nangyari, kahit alam ni Jose na kabuwanan na ni Maria, bumiyahe pa rin sila papuntang Betlehem. Mga pasaway!
HERE is the Nativity story as narrated by political personalities.
Tito Sotto: Mahigit 2000 years na ang nakararaan, sa bayan ng Nazareth, may isang babaeng na-ano lang.
Cynthia Villar: Ang pangalan niya ay Maria at siya ay may asawa – si Jose na isa lang karpintero.
Manny Pacquiao: Nang malamang buntis si Maria at hindi siya ang ama, gusto sana siyang i-divorce ni Jose. Pero bawal ‘yun sa Bible. Kasalanan kay Lord ang divorce. Matthew 19:6: Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.
Alan Peter Cayetano: Noong time na ‘yun, ipinag-utos ng emperor ang census sa Roman Empire. Taga-Betlehem si Jose kaya dapat doon siya magpalista. Sa First District si Maria ‘tapos sa Second District si Jose. Pwede ‘yon.
Harry Roque: So ‘yun na nga ang nangyari, kahit alam ni Jose na kabuwanan na ni Maria, bumiyahe pa rin sila papuntang Betlehem. Mga pasaway! Matitigas ang ulo! ‘Tapos ‘pag may nangyari, sisisihin n’yo ang gobyerno.
MMDA’s Celine Pialago: Mahaba-haba rin ang nilakbay ng dalawa. Pagod na pagod ang mag-asawa lalo na si Maria. Pagdating sa Betlehem, she passed away.
Risa Hontiveros: She actually passed out* – dahil nag-labor na nga siya. Walang matuluyan ang mag-asawa kaya inabot ng panganganak si Maria sa isang kuwadra. Kung may RH Law lang sana nang time na ‘yon, baka naisugod pa sa mas maayos na ospital si Maria.
Bato de la Rosa: Samantala, kahit gabing-gabi na, nasa labas pa rin ang mga pastol. Mga adik!
PNP Chief Debold Sinas: Maya-maya, biglang nagpakita ang mga anghel at sinabi sa kanila ang magandang balita. Isinilang na si Hesus, our Savior. Natuwa ang mga pastol. Sila ay nag-inuman, nagsayawan at nag-videoke. In short, nag-party!
Imelda Marcos: Samantala, sa tulong ng liwanag ng tala ay naglakbay mula Silangan ang tatlong pantas. Nag-alay sila kay Hesus ng damit, kamanyang, at mira.
Vice President Leni Robredo: Correction lang po, ‘ginto’ po at hindi ‘damit’ ang isa sa mga alay ng tatlong pantas. Saan po kaya napunta ang ginto? Ninakaw na naman po ba?
Ka-DDS: ‘Buti pa ang mga pantas, may regalo. ‘Yung mga pastol na dumalaw, ano bang ambag n’yo?
Netizens: Habang ang buong mundo ay nagsasaya sa pagsilang ni Hesus, wala pa ring reaksyon si Herodes. Tulog pa pala ito. #NasaanSiHerodes
Rodrigo Duterte: Nang magising, nakarating kay Herodes ang balita tungkol sa kapanganakan ni Hesus. Hindi niya ito ikinatuwa. Pakiramdam niya, makikipag-kompetensya sa kanya si Hesus. Gusto lang nitong magpasikat. Kaya’t inutusan niya ang kanyang mga tauhan na patayin lahat nang batang lalaki dalawang taon pababa. Sabi ni Herodes, “’Pag nanlaban, shoot them dead. ‘Wag n’yong intindihin ‘yang human rights. Ako ang bahala sa inyo.”
Trillanes: Pero nabigyan pala ng babala ng isang anghel si Jose. Itinakas nito ang kanyang mag-ina papuntang Ehipto kung saan sila nag-file ng reklamo sa International Criminal Court laban sa brutal na hari.
Postscript: ‘Di nagtagal, namatay si Herodes. Binalak ni Jose na bumalik sa Betlehem kasama ang pamilya. Pero ‘di rin ito natuloy dahil nabalitaan niyang anak pala ni Herodes ang pumalit sa kanya. Sa gitna ng patuloy na banta at panganib, nagpasya na lang silang manirahan sa Galilee.
Where they lived happily and peacefully until… ma-EJK ang aktibistang si Hesus sa edad na 33.
Read it here first and exclusive!
“Aaminin ko, hindi ko po inasahan ang absolute pardon ng Pangulo sa dayuhang lumapastangan sa kapwa natin Filipino.”
Statement of Presidential Spokesperson Harry Roque on President Duterte’s granting of absolute pardon to Scott Pemberton
Ako po ay labis na nasasaktan sa pangyayaring ito.
Bilang abogado ng pamilya ng pinaslang na si Jennifer Laude, nakalulungkot isiping tila nawalan ng saysay ang mga ipinaglaban ko noon.
Kulang na kabayaran sa pagpatay sa ating kababayan ang napakaigsing panahon sa kulungan ni US Marine Lance Corporal Joseph Scott Pemberton.
Aaminin ko, hindi ko po inasahan ang absolute pardon ng Pangulo sa dayuhang lumapastangan sa kapwa natin Filipino.
Malaki ang utang na loob ko kay Pangulong Duterte pero mas mahalaga sa akin na mabigyan ng hustisya ang biktima ng karahasang ito.
Pinag-isipan ko pong mabuti ang aking desisyon. Alin ba ang mas matimbang: pansariling kapakanan o kapakanan ng ating bayan? Hindi po ako nahirapang pumili.
Tama na, sobra na!
Nababoy na si Jennifer Laude noon. Huwag tayong pumayag na babuyin ang hustisya ngayon.
Kagabi po ay nagsumite na ako ng resignation sa ating Pangulo.
Epektibo ngayong September 10, babalik na ako sa pagiging ordinaryong human rights lawyer na kasamang lalaban ng masang Filipino sa pang-aapi at pang-aabuso.
Bakit naman ako magre-resign eh ang sarap-sarap ng buhay ko? May trabaho, may suweldo, may security detail, laging kachika ang Pangulo at higit sa lahat, may regular TV exposure!
Mainit lang ngayon ‘yang isyu kay Pemberton pero malilimutan din ‘yan ng mga Pinoy. Knowing you? Hello!!! Ang daming ganap ‘no!
Now, kung masyado pa rin kayong affected sa iginawad na absolute pardon, ito lang ang maipapayo ko: pumunta kayo sa Manila Bay at titigan ang tambak ng puting buhangin. Sure ako, paggising n’yo bukas, magaan na ang pakiramdam n’yo!
Ano pang hinihintay n’yo, go na! Now na!
Malacañang, September 8, 2020
Hindi na kinaya ang trabaho, dalawang mataas na opisyal ng gobyerno, nag-resign?
For daily musings about society, politics and more, @HecklerForever8 on Twitter.
Members of the Cabinet erupted in cheers and congratulated the President. Suddenly, his liver spoke…
First published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer last October 14, 2018.
During a Cabinet meeting, President Duterte announced that the recent tests on his esophagus came back negative for cancer. Members of the Cabinet erupted in cheers and congratulated the President. Suddenly, his liver spoke, “Don’t celebrate just yet.”
The President and his family went on an unannounced trip to Hong Kong recently, apparently, to seek second opinion. The next day, Mr. Duterte got the confirmation: t-shirts and jackets cost less in Hong Kong.
Chief Presidential Legal Counsel Salvador Panelo is replacing Harry Roque. He is now the President’s chief sanitary engineer.
President Duterte revealed when outgoing presidential spokesman Harry Roque told him he wanted to resign, he replied, “Go ahead!” Breaking: Harry Roque’s heart.
Harry Roque is currently in China for a private engagement. But he’ll be back tomorrow. He can’t wait to consult his family, talk to the President, and update his curriculum vitae.
Alan Peter Cayetano has stepped down as foreign affairs secretary. Reports say he is seeking a congressional post, and wants to be Speaker. Oh, he probably misses it. He’s been very quiet for more than two years now.
Former police chief Ronald ‘Bato’ de la Rosa, who is seeking a Senate seat, was recently quoted to have said, “Galit na galit ako sa gumagawa ng EJKs. Ang gumagawa niyan walang b****g!” When President Duterte heard this, he sought for a second opinion.
Feuding half-brothers JV Ejercito and Jinggoy Estrada are both running for senator. But JV, who pushed for the passage of a bill banning political dynasties, believes it’s not acceptable to have two Estradas in the Senate. And the Cayetano siblings were like, “Okay lang ‘yun!”
Folk artist and staunch Duterte supporter, Freddie Aguilar has filed his certificate of candidacy for senator. Aguilar is a cultural icon whose music we grew up listening to. I can’t wait to not vote for him in 2019.
Anson Tuana, a 39-year-old senatorial aspirant, who also filed his COC, claimed he was an ex-boyfriend of resigned Assistant Presidential Communications Secretary Mocha Uson. A number of people actually believed Tuana’s claim saying ‘the customer is always right.’
Anson Tuana claimed he was an ex-boyfriend of Mocha Uson. Uson’s supporters say Tuana is a liar who spreads lies. To which, Tuana replied, “That’s exactly why we clicked.”
In Makati City, siblings Junjun and Abby Binay are on a collision course as both have expressed interest in running for mayor next year. Taking a potshot at his sister’s “different” style of governance, Junjun says he carries the “Binay brand, the brand of governance that my father did for the people of Makati.” To which, the Makati City Hall Building II said, “I know, right?”
The Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency (PDEA) says methamphetamine hydrochloride or shabu has “flooded” the streets of Metro Manila. When told about it, President Duterte ordered PDEA to take over the operations of the MMDA.
Prices of basic commodities continue to rise but the cost of shabu has reportedly dropped by more than a third. This has prompted the President to revamp his economic team to include people from the Bureau of Customs.
Former Assistant Presidential Communications Secretary Mocha Uson claims Communist rebels are to be blamed if she gets killed. The country is in crisis. We don’t have the luxury of fairy tales. Next issue please.
Two persons allegedly won the more than one billion peso-Ultra Lotto 6/58 jackpot. To the administration candidates in next year’s elections, congratulations!
“It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong.”
“Well, eventually, uod man magiging butterfly ulit so inggit ka lang, you’re stuck as an uod. Butterfly tayo!”
~Harry Roque during his GGV guesting
[Photo: Philippine Star]
Jocjoc Bolante is Back
Former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn Bolante is back in the country. Upon his arrival, the very prompt eight-member team from the Office of the Senate Sergeant-at-Arms read the Upper Chamber’s order for his arrest. The first line of the arrest order reads, “We, the Senators of the Republic of the Philippines, fooled by Eliseo De La Paz last week, vow not to be fooled for the second consecutive week.”
Former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn Bolante arrived Tuesday night. In his arrival statement, Jocjoc said, “Now that I am back, I assure you that I will answer any and all accusations at the proper forum. I am ready to face the issues and all the malicious accusations against me.” He then denied rumors that ex-PNP comptroller Eliseo De La Paz wrote that statement for him.
When he is discharged from the hospital, Jocjoc Bolante will be detained at the Senate. A Philippine Star report says the detention room has air-conditioning unit, a bed, cable TV, electric fan, conference table, book shelf, white board, single bed, and two sofas. Nope, we’re not describing Claudio Teehankee Jr’s cell at the New Bilibid Prisons.
The Quezon City Police District has deployed its personnel to provide round-the-clock security for former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn “Joc-joc” Bolante. The Senate has also sent eight men to protect him. Can anyone please check if there’s any security guy left for UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon?
An Inquirer report says former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante’s house in the posh Ayala Alabang village showed no sign that his homecoming would be festive. The uninhabited 80 million peso-mansion of the alleged architect of the “fertilizer fund scam” is adorned by ornamental plants, palm trees… and a couple of scarecrows.
Unconfirmed reports say the St. Luke’s Medical Center has released its latest medical bulletin on the health condition of former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante. His blood test showed unusual quantities of nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium (N-P-K).
Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada and his nun friends from La Salle wanted to visit Jocjoc Bolante at St. Luke’s Medical Center but the security was really tight. So tight that it’s reportedly even tighter than Lozada’s nun friends.
Like Hollywood’s notorious paparazzi, dozens of media men and women swooped in on former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn Bolante when he arrived at the NAIA last night. Next to Chris Tiu, Bolante is perhaps the most talked-about Atenean at this moment.
Jocjoc Bolante has finally been returned. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long we have waited, when Bolante fled the country, he looked like First Gentleman Mike Arroyo. When he arrived, he looked more like Joker Arroyo.
Jocjoc Bolante is finally back. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long it was, lawyer Harry Roque’s waist line was still 27 when it all started.
Jocjoc Bolante is back guys. Finally, he’s back. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long it has been, the price of gasoline was at the 25 pesos per liter level when he left.
Jocjoc Bolante is finally back. We have waited so long for this moment to happen. To give you an idea how long it has been: when Jocjoc Bolante left the country, Jose De Venecia was still GMA’s caddie when she played golf in China.
Jocjoc Bolante is finally back. We have waited so long for this moment to arrive. To give you an idea how long it has been: when Jocjoc Bolante left the country, Rustom Padilla was still straight.
One Flu Over the Cute-cute’s Nest
The Professional Heckler is currently down with flu.
He who holds the ladder is as bad as the thief.
— German Proverb
NTC vs. ABS-CBN
For airing an interview with wanted MILF leader Kumander Bravo, the National Telecommunications Commission filed a complaint to the KBP against ABS-CBN. The NTC says the network violated the KBP’s Broadcast Code of 2007 particularly the provision that states, “”broadcast facilities shall not be used or allowed to be used for advocating the overthrow of government by force or violence,” and “the broadcast of materials which tend to incite treason, rebellion, sedition or create civil disorder or disturbance is prohibited.” This marks the first time NTC officials filed such a complaint against ABS-CBN… which could only mean one thing: they haven’t actually listened to DZMM’s “Tambalang Failon and Sanchez.”
NTC vs. ABS-CBN II
The NTC filed a complaint to the KBP against ABS-CBN for airing an interview with rogue MILF leader Kumander Bravo who is wanted by the military. But ABS-CBN News head Maria Ressa insists that the Kumander Bravo interview is a legitimate and ethical story and that ABS-CBN will not suspend the airing of his interviews… unless he starts talking about Nadia Montenegro’s love life.
NTC vs. ABS-CBN III
ABS-CBN successfully located and interviewed rogue MILF commander Bravo who has a 10 million-peso bounty on his head and is wanted by the Armed Forces of the Philippines. Outraged military officials who watched the interview vowed to intensify the info gathering and massive manhunt for Bravo in the Lanao Provinces, and soon at the ABS-CBN newsroom.
Meralco’s Power Rate Hike
Amid difficult times, the Lopez-owned Manila Electric Company or Meralco implemented a 36 percent power rate increase. Militant leader Rafael Mariano described the increase as “deceitful.” Cong. Mikey Arroyo believed it was “unjustified.” ABS-CBN News said it was “legitimate and ethical.”
“Euro Generals” Controversy
Retired Philippine National Police director for comptrollership Eliseo De La Paz underwent normal arrival procedures at the NAIA when he arrived Tuesday. Airport manager Angel Atutubo said De La Paz was not treated as a VIP and not a single marshal was assigned to escort him. Atutubo was understandably being careful… because the last time he escorted someone out of the airport, the La Salle Brothers accused him of kidnapping!
“Euro Generals” Controversy II
This has yet to be confirmed but retired PNP director for comptrollership Eliseo De La Paz will reportedly bring to the Senate what’s left of the undeclared 6.9 million pesos cash he was caught carrying in Moscow. To be sure it’s the real stuff, Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago wanted to hire canines to sniff out the money. But Sen. Panfilo Lacson said there’s no need for a K9 unit… as long as Senators Alan Peter and Joker Arroyo are there.
“Euro Generals” Controversy III
Retired PNP director for comptrollership Eliseo De La Paz and DILG Sec. Ronaldo Puno have conflicting claims with regard to the 6.9 million pesos worth of undeclared cash De La Paz carried while in Russia. De La Paz said the money was a “cash advance” while Puno claimed it was a “contingency” fund. But De La Paz’ wife, Maria Fe who traveled with him to Russia said, “I couldn’t really tell whether it was a cash advance or a contingency fund because when my husband handed me the money, he just said, “Sweetheart, ingatan mo ‘to… pang-shopping!”
Jocjoc to be Deported
US authorities will deport former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante before the end of October. But Bolante’s legal counsel Ira Azulay refused to reveal the exact return date saying, “We’re concerned about his safety.” That’s actually a valid concern… because if he gets “kidnapped” when he arrives at the NAIA, he cannot expect support from the La Salle Brothers. He’s Atenean.
Jocjoc to be Deported 2
Lawyer Harry Roque is all over the news again announcing with certainty that former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante will be deported in 24 hours. I know for a fact that Roque’s a UP professor (and I admire him) but I didn’t know he’s with the US Department of Homeland Security.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.