JANET LIM-NAPOLES’S personal doctors say she is suffering from vaginal bleeding. In the interest of fairness, we will get the side of the vagina.

According to her doctors, Janet Lim-Napoles is bleeding. Even her own blood couldn’t stand her anymore.

Reacting to Janet Lim-Napoles’s doctors’ claim that she’s suffering from vaginal bleeding, Sen. Sonny Angara said, “Well sa akin, ‘yong internal bleeding, mahirap idahilan ‘yon; kailangang ipakita din ‘yon.” To which, Napoles replied, “With pleasure!”

Janet Napoles is allegedly suffering from vaginal bleeding. But Sen. Sonny Angara believes, “Kailangang ipakita din ‘yon.” And former Senator Edgardo Angara was like, “Anak nga kita!”

Janet Lim-Napoles who repeatedly denied any involvement in the pork barrel scam is willing to undergo a lie detector test. In other news, Mila Kunis who’s due to give birth next month is willing to undergo a pregnancy test.

Pork barrel scam queen Janet Napoles is willing to undergo a lie detector test – on one condition. She wants multiple choice questions.

Janet Lim-Napoles’s lawyer Bruce Rivera says not a single media personality received gifts of any form from Janet Lim-Napoles. Also, the Holocaust didn’t happen.

According to Janet Napoles’s lawyer, not a single media personality received gifts of any form from his client. Even Lolit Solis was like, “Echosera!”

Detention Cell
The Philippine National Police is renovating a detention facility in Camp Crame for Senators Juan Ponce Enrile, Jinggoy Estrada, and Bong Revilla in case the Sandiganbayan orders their arrest. The prospect of being imprisoned yet again doesn’t bother Enrile. He’s been through tougher times – like being a prisoner of love.

On Tuesday, Bong Revilla was quoted to have said, “Basta ang masasabi ko lang, handa na ako because God is with me.” To which, God responded, “#AsaMuch!”

Accused of plunder, actor Bong Revilla said, “Handa na ako because God is with me.” When God heard this, He slapped two angels. #boompeyns

Reports say the country’s power situation will worsen in three years. Or as Jojo Binay calls it, “my administration.”

The power situation is expected to worsen in three years. Vice (future) President Binay is bracing himself for complaints, protests, and blackout-related jokes.

The Comelec en banc voted 7-0 to unseat Laguna Governor ER Ejercito for overspending in the last elections. Ejercito will issue an official statement via billboards, tarpaulins and TV commercials.

Laguna Governor ER Ejercito was ordered to step down for overspending in the last elections. The Comelec said he spent P24.5M during the campaign – way above the P4.5M limit. The decision reportedly shocked Ejercito. Looking at his face though, it was hard to tell.

Godzilla is still showing in the Philippines. The hit franchise tells the story of a giant lizard that wreaks havoc on communities claiming lives and destroying properties. Godzilla is probably the most destructive reptile in history. In close second? The reptiles of Senate and Congress.
“No matter how many lies you use to disguise it or how many excuses you bury it beneath, the truth will never cease to be true.”
~Richelle E. Goodrich

Sound Bites
“Ok lang, maski sino ang maging cellmate ko. Pwede namang Abu Sayyaf.”
~Juan Ponce Enrile

Poll Results
Lumabas na ang diumano’y listahan ni Napoles. Maraming bersyon. Aling listahan ang pinapaniwalaan mo?

-Wala. Pakamatay na lang silang lahat. 70.64%
-‘Yong Benhur files na lumabas sa Inquirer. 20.49%
-‘Yong kay De Lima na pirmado ni Napoles. 7.95%
-‘Yong kay Lacson na bigay ng asawa ni Napoles. 0.92%

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Remate, Warner Bros.]

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