FLIPTOP AND POLITICS

HERE’S A CONFESSION: I used to follow “Nick Cannon Presents: Wild ‘N Out” on MTV. It was hosted by Nick Cannon a.k.a. Mr. Mariah Carey. My favorite part of the show was ‘Wild Style’ – a fliptop rap battle in which members of two rival teams insulted and dissed each other using freestyle rap. The team with the wittiest punchlines and the cleverest rhymes usually emerged as winners.

What if local politicians and government officials engage in fliptop rap battles? How much insult can they take? Whose bragging and boasting would impress the public?

This post was inspired by the fliptop craze in the Philippines. Let’s get going!

Match No. 1: Presidential spokesperson Atty. Edwin Lacierda vs. George San Mateo of the militant transport group Piston

Atty. Edwin Lacierda:
Ang dami n’yong dada,
Para kayong bakla
Tinawag lang na perwisyo,
Agad na nagwala!

Your rally was a dud!
‘Yan ang totoo brod
Wala nang kadating-dating
May paandar pang planking!
Boo! Break it down!

Piston:
Break it down mo’ng mukha mo
Embarrassment ka sa pangulo
Ang dami mong sinasabi
Wala ka namang silbi!

Baka nakakalimutan mo
Kami ang ‘boss’ ng ‘yong amo?
‘Tsaka bakit sa militante, ang lakas mong mang-asar
Urong naman ang ‘yong bayag pagdating sa grupong Samar!
Yeah!!!

Match No. 2: Vice President Jejomar Binay vs. DOTC Secretary Mar Roxas

Vice President Binay:
Nakakatawa ka, para kang bata!
Habol nang habol sa kending nawala
Ang hirap kasi, nag-expect ka ng panalo
Eh kahit pangulo mo, ‘di ka yata ‘binoto!
Toingkz!

At weh ano naman kung nasa DOTC ka?
Ang tanong ng bayan: happy ka naman ba?
iurong mo na kasi ang iyong protesta,
Wala kang pag-asa bro, sayang lang ang ‘yong pera!
Bwahaha!

DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas:
Kung maka-bro ka naman, para tayong magkapatid
Eh ang kakulay mo lang, ang maitim kong litid!
Ako, fifty-four pa lang; eh ikaw? Sixty-eight!
Malapit ka nang dalhin sa Home for the Aged!
Awooo!

At take note!
Malinis ang aking record, kahit may tsismis na “under”
Mas ok naman ‘yon kesa kasuhan ng plunder
Ouch! Sorry, meron bang tinamaan d’yan?
Ang pumiyok – guilty, ‘wag kasing gahaman!
Break it down!

Match No. 3: Sen. Lito Lapid vs. Quezon City Rep. Winnie Castelo

Lito Lapid:
Gaya-gaya puto maya, wala kang originality
Ako kaya ang nagpauso ng bills na super silly
Ano bang nakakatawa sa Anti-Planking Act?
Mas funny ang bill ko: Anti-Bag na Mabigat!

Hey dude! Hey tsong, kelan ka ba huling nanalamin?
Kasi naman ang bangs mo parang unggoy na naglalambitin
Graduate ka raw ng UP. ‘Di nga? Serious ka?
Eh bakit ang bills mo parang gawa ng artista?
Yeah… take it down!

Winnie Castelo:
“Take it down” ka d’yan! Saksakan ka nang engot!
Ni hindi mo nga alam ang Ingles sa kulangot!
Hindi kita ginagaya, ‘wag ka ngang feeling
Wala ka namang alam kundi ‘yang quarrying!

Pati ba naman bangs ko iyong pinapakialaman
Eh ‘yong debate mo with Miriam, kumusta naman?
And yes, I’m from UP, how dare you na magduda!
Ni wala ka ngang natapos kahit pagbuburda!
Tse!

Match No. 4: San Juan Rep. JV Ejercito vs. Ang Galing Party-List Rep. Mikey Arroyo

JV Ejercito:
Lahat na lang ay may sakit, ang dami n’yong palusot
Para kayong helicopter, walang tigil sa pag-ikot!
Sakit sa leeg, sakit sa atay, sakit sa puso, ano ba ‘yan!
Gagawin yata ang lahat para kaso’y matakasan!
Sus naman!

‘Yong daddy mong corrupt, hayun at nasa Germany!
Malakas ang kutob kong naglo-launder ng money!
Teka nga pala, ano bang ginagawa mo sa Kongreso
Nag-iipon ng pera para kay Rufa Mae Quinto?
Yo! Todo na ‘to!

Mikey Arroyo:
‘T*ng-ina mo, Tarantado! Kupal ka ulupong!
Kanino bang ama ang guilty sa pandarambong?
Kung makapagsalita ka parang ang linis-linis n’yo
Baka nalilimutan mo, pinalayas kayo sa puwesto!

At obvious namang bitter na bitter ka pa rin
Utak ampalaya ka; mukha ka namang pumpkin!
At puwede ba…
‘Wag na ‘wag mong uungkatin ang isyu ng babae
Palibhasa ‘yang half-brother mo, kuwestyunable ang pagkalalaki!
Charing!

Match No. 5: President Aquino vs. Self
Self:
Puro ka punchline, puro ka patawa,
Kunsabagay, kalbo ka nga pala
Seriously now, bakit wala ka pang asawa?
Try mo kaya ang guys, para lang maiba!

President Aquino:
Gago! (Ooops, pasensya na po.) Sira ulo ka ba?
Hindi nga ako nagmamadali, bakit mas marunong ka pa!?
Sige! Kung ‘di makahintay, eh ‘di mauna ka na!
Isang malaking good luck, sana may mabola ka!

Self:
Hayan ka na naman! What’s with the condescending tone?
Wala ka kasing self-confidence, kulang ka sa backbone!
Look at your BFF Mar, humabol pa sa huling biyahe!
Ironically nga lang, ex-girlfriend mo ang dinali! Dyahe!

President Aquino:
Sus! Tumahimik ka!
Basta ako umaasa pa!

Self:
Whatever! Hayy, matagal na akong rindi!
Fifty-one years mo na kasi ‘yang sinasabi!

President Aquino:
It’s not that simple! Idiot! Marriage is destiny.
Believe me.

Self:
Kaya ikaw, single pa rin.
Ikakasal na si Shalani.

President Aquino:
This conversation is over!
Now if you would excuse me…

Self:
Ayan, d’yan ka magaling!
Hala! Mag-PSP!

President Aquino:
Whatever!

Self:
Break it down.
——————————————————————————————————————————-
“I love argument, I love debate. I don’t expect anyone just to sit there and agree with me, that’s not their job.”
~ Margaret Thatcher

Quote of the Week
“You know I like the song ‘Got to Believe in Magic.’ There’s this line there that says ‘Tell me how two people find each other.’ Well now she found someone. Ako kasi tinatanong ko pa din sa sarili ko how do people find each other? Siya nasagot na niya.”
President Aquino on the reported engagement of his ex-girlfriend Shalani Soledad with Cong. Roman Romulo

Briefly Noted
When you visit Cong. Winnie Castelo’s official website to check on his Anti-Planking Act, you’ll see this:
“Oops, I screwed up and you discovered my fatal flaw. Well, we’re not all perfect, but we try. Can you try this again or maybe visit our Home Page to start fresh. We’ll do better next time.”
WTF.

Elsewhere
Yahoo News: The Future of Facebook: Out with profile pages, in with the Timeline

Interaksyon.com: Jessica Zafra: Stars vs. Zombies

More fliptop battles are coming soon!
Have a peaceful and fun weekend!

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