28 05 2014

FOR OVERSPENDING last elections, Laguna Governor ER Ejercito was ordered unseated by the Commission on Elections. Loyal supporters of Ejercito have barricaded themselves outside the Laguna provincial capitol to express their undying love for the actor-politician. It pays to overspend.

On Tuesday, a defiant ER Ejercito faced his supporters and delivered an impromptu speech. It was so emotional and impassioned, Ejercito expected no less than a best actor trophy from the PMPC.

Here’s a portion of ER Ejercito’s speech yesterday
(And what he wanted to say but couldn’t)

“Binaboy at binastos ng Comelec at Malacañang ang 550,000 votes.”
(Hindi ako papayag na masayang ang 23.5 million pesos na nagastos ko. Hello!)

“Pilit po akong inaalis ng Malakanyang sa pwesto dahil hindi ako bahagi ng Liberal Party.”
(Actually, ang vice governor na papalit sa akin ay miyembro ng Nacionalista Party. Pero ‘di ko pwedeng sabihin ‘yon dahil mababawasan ang impact ng aking speech.)

“Hindi na nirerespeto ng Malakanyang ang rule of law.”
(Parang ako lang.)

“Ako ay mananatiling lehitimong gobernador ng Laguna ngayon at magpakailanman.”
(Sa dami ng nagkalat kong mukha sa buong probinsya, kahit wala na ako sa mundo, nasa Laguna pa rin ako. Tse!)

1New Gov?
Just a day after the Comelec released its ruling, Laguna Vice Governor Ramil Hernandez of the Nacionalista Party took his oath as new governor replacing ER Ejercito. Hernandez and Ejercito: The Fast and the Furious.

Janet Lim-Napoles has submitted an expanded list to the Senate Blue Ribbon Committee. In her 32-page affidavit, Napoles decried being labeled as the “architect of the PDAF scam” saying, she didn’t even finish high school so how could she have studied architecture?


CBCP president and Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Socrates Villegas appealed to Filipino Catholics to pray an “extra rosary” from May 31 to August 15 for the “conversion of the culprits in the pork barrel scam.” Even God was like, “Good luck with that!”

Holy Visit
Pope Francis recently visited the Holy Land. When he arrived there, members of the international media asked, “Do you have a plunder case too?”

Reports say Bong Revilla will be allowed the opportunity to deliver yet another privilege speech. Thinking Filipinos will have the opportunity to ignore yet another hour of blah blah.

Bong Revilla will reportedly deliver yet another privilege speech. Filipinos with low tolerance for bullshit are advised not to watch or listen.

Jinggoy Estrada lashed out at the media for being “unfair” in reporting about the pork barrel scam. He said the media tend to focus only on three senators. The actor-turned politician added, “We also have an honor and a name to protect.” Where?

Panfilo Lacson has not spoken to the press about the pork barrel scam for a couple of days now. I hope he’s ok.

The DOTC has fired controversial MRT Line 3 general manager Al Vitangcol III. The news wasn’t surprising at all. His term as MRT 3 head was a trainwreck.

In a Congressional inquiry, MRT general manager Al Vitangcol revealed that last May 26, he was fired when he told his bosses that he’s about to resign. That’s how badly they wanted him out.

A large crocodile attacked and killed a 30-year-old fisherman in Palawan last Thursday. The fisherman was reportedly on his way to work when he was attacked by the reptile. Authorities are conducting a probe even as local residents started hunting the crocodile. Lawmakers appealed to the public not to judge their colleague pending full investigation.

The Richest
The SALNs of senators are out. With a net worth of P1.6 billion, the richest senator is still Cynthia Villar. With a net worth of only P4.9 million, the poorest senator is still a multimillionaire.

To Catch A Thief
Policemen will reportedly ride the jeep in civilian clothes as part of the PNP’s campaign to catch robbers and thieves. Why ride the jeep? Why not just go directly to the Senate?

NBA center-forward Andray Blatche is now a naturalized Filipino. The Senate approved a bill seeking to grant Filipino citizenship to the Brooklyn Nets player so he could play for Gilas Pilipinas in the FIBA World Cup. This begs the question: when will they naturalize David Pomeranz?
“Government creates wealth the way ticks create blood.”
~Grover Norquist

Sound Bites
“Bata pa lamang ako ay natuto na akong maghanap-buhay. Sa biyaya ng Diyos, sa aking tiyaga, sipag at pawis, at sa tulong ng mga taong nakilala ko, ito ay aking napalago hanggang sa aking narating ngayon.”
~Janet Lim-Napoles (Affidavit)

“Bukas tayo sa posibilidad na ang ginagawa lang niya (Napoles) ay guluhin ang istorya. Habang dumadami nang dumadami ang iimbestigahan natin, siguro kakaimbestiga time’s up na tayo. Hindi na naisampa yung kaso. Baka iyon ang strategy.”
~President Aquino

“My God! Kung alam ko lang na ‘yong computer eh Napoles, hindi ko na tinanggap ‘yon. Kaliit-liit naman no’n.”
~Sen. Cynthia Villar after being mentioned in the Napoles affidavit

The Sun


Poll Results
Sabi ni JV Ejercito, ang pagpapatalsik kay ER Ejercito ay bahagi ng ‘concerted efforts’ ng administrasyon upang ibagsak ang oposisyon.

-Boom peyns ka JV! Ang batas ay batas. Magpaliwanag na lang si ER sa korte. 56.29%
-Wala akong pakialam kay ER. Busy ako sa buhay ko. 37.42%
-Tama si JV. Namumulitika ang administrasyon. ‘Nak ng teteng! 6%

Jail them all!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GMA News, @Angel_Atienza via ANC, Karen Davila, Philippine Daily Inquirer]



16 05 2013

THE TRANSMISSION of election returns has slowed down. To give you an idea of how slow it has become, when the counting started, Chairman Brillantes didn’t have a single strand of white hair.

And when the counting started, the Philippines and Taiwan were still friends!

Last month, Comelec Chairman Sixto Brillantes Jr. predicted that 12 winning senators would be proclaimed in 48 hours after the polls. In making the bold prediction though, Brillantes failed to disclose something – he was of Mayan descent.

Winners All
In the 2013 midterm elections, Grace Poe emerged as the biggest winner. She was closely followed by ABS-CBN and GMA Network.

Losing in the initial tally, reelectionist Mayor Mariano Malones Sr. of Maasin, Iloilo conceded defeat to his opponent Elben Malaga only to win by FIVE votes after the final count. Malaga is filing a case against Malones for giving him false hope.

Also reelected was the controversial Albay governor Joey Salceda. Bongga!

Camarines Sur’s youngest governor Migz Villafuerte vows to continue the Villafuerte legacy. Cam Sur is still one of the poorest provinces in the country. You might want to reconsider that hijo.

After serving time for drug possession, Ronald Singson is back in Ilocos, back in politics, and back in Congress. He refuses to go back to Hong Kong though.

Atty. Leni Robredo scored a landslide win against Nelly Villafuerte, the matriarch of the influential Villafuerte clan and dynasty of Camarines Sur. Robredo got 102,694 votes while Villafuerte got embarrassed.

Annabelle Concedes
Trounced by former lawmaker Raul Del Mar in Cebu’s north district, talent manager Annabelle Rama tweeted, “I shall return.” Cebuanos replied, “Don’t bother.”

After conceding defeat in Cebu, Annabelle Rama tweeted, “Its not the end of my political career.” Correction: It ended before it began.

Addressing her Twitter followers, defeated congressional candidate Annabelle Rama said, “Its not the end of my political career.” Netizens replied, “It’s.”

PCOSCelebs Win/Lose
Winning in the initial count, actor Aga Muhlach is now losing to Wimpy Fuentebella by a slim margin. “Now you know the feeling.” – Richard Gomez

Anjo Yllana won as councilor in Quezon City’s fifth district. It turned out that voters in that area in QC were former residents of Parañaque City.

Joey Marquez was unsuccessful yet again in Parañaque. In recent years, he’s been losing elections in the city. One more loss and he’ll just transfer to QC.

In Batangas, award-winning actor Christopher De Leon placed a distant third in the Congressional race while Joko Diaz failed to win as Board Member. Boyet and Joko couldn’t believe they lost – while voters couldn’t believe they’re from Batangas.

Imelda Papin lost her bid for a Congressional seat in San Jose Del Monte City in Bulacan. In related news, Papin has a new single: “Isang Linggong Hinagpis.”

Manny Pacquiao was reelected representative of the lone district of Sarangani. He was unopposed. Nobody’s interested to challenge Pacman anymore. Not the Chiongbians, not the Marquezes, not the Mayweathers.

Newly-proclaimed Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada says his top priority is fixing the problem of ‘peace and harmony.’ To prove his sincerity, he’ll start with Jinggoy and JV.

Actor E.R. Ejercito won the gubernatorial race in Laguna. And we don’t care. Period.
“Win without boasting. Lose without excuse.”
~Albert Payson Terhune

Sound Bites
“We had a dynasty, that I don’t deny. But no law states that is wrong.”
~Romeo Jalosjos of the Jalosjos dynasty of Zamboanga. Only 2 of 6 family members won in the last elections

AFP: A rogues’ gallery of election winners

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.


8 04 2013

POLITICAL AND PERSONAL questions that wouldn’t possibly be asked in televised debates and forums. Enjoy!

10nancNancy Binay
You refused to debate Risa Hontiveros and were quoted to have said, “The best forum for us to have the debate – on the Senate floor.” Question: What is the etymology of the word ‘presumptuous?’

Risa Hontiveros
Persistent rumors say you are dating political adviser Ronald Llamas. What is wrong with you?

JV Ejercito
According to the Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism, you have a secret account in the British Virgin Islands. Why are we not surprised? Elaborate.

Loren Legarda
You’ve been loveless for seven years now while actress T’ya Pusit, 64 is going to marry her 27-year-old boyfriend next year. Write a 100-word essay on this topic: “Bakit mapagbiro si Mother Nature?”

Ricardo Penson
You had been married four times and separated four times. When will you divorce your current partner?

Antonio Trillanes
Despite being detained at Camp Crame a few years back, your travel expenses were the highest among senators. Tanong: Where did you learn astral projection and how far did it take you?

Cynthia Villar
Complete this line from poet, satirist, and lawyer John Donne: “No man is an… ”
A: Island in the Caribbean
B: British Virgin Islands

1tcTingting Cojuangco
Harper’s Bazaar once named you as one of the world’s 100 most beautiful women. What happened?

Teddy Casiño
What is the relevance, if at all, of the New People’s Army in today’s world?

Ernesto Maceda
Some people describe you as a ‘trapo.’ If recent surveys are accurate, you’re going to lose in the coming elections. How do you want us to celebrate?

Bro. Eddie Villanueva
You’ve lost your presidential bid twice. You’re not performing well in surveys. Why is God doing this to you?

Grace Poe
Phone-in question: Kung nais n’yong ipagpatuloy ang nasimulan ni FPJ, bakit hindi po kayo nag-action star?

Sonny Angara
Your father had been romantically linked to Sen. Loren Legarda. Tanong: Naniniwala ka ba sa kasabihang “Kapag may usok, may apoy?” If not, bahala ka.

ER Ejercito
In a recent interview, you said, “Hindi lang ako governor; artista rin ako. At hindi ako basta-bastang artista; ako si Asiong Salonga at ako si El Presidente!” For 30 seconds, rearrange the letters in the phrase “A DULL NOISE” to form a word that best describes you.

Joseph Estrada and Alfredo Lim
Naging saksi ang publiko sa batuhan n’yo ng putik at nakawiwindang na mga rebelasyon sa isyu ng droga, babae, sugal, krimen, at iba pa. Kung pagtitiwalaan pa rin kayo ng mga taga-Maynila, ano ang problema nila?

Generic Questions for All Candidates
Sa buong buhay n’yo ba ay NEVER kayong nagbulsa unlawfully ni isang kusing mula sa buwis ng taumbayan? Kung hindi, sinong niloko n’yo?

Milyun-milyong piso na ang nagagastos mo sa kampanya. Sa paanong paraan mo ito babawiin? Lagyan ng check ang mga posibleng sagot:
_____ Komisyon sa pork barrel
_____ Drug lords, jueteng lords, illegal loggers, at iba pang criminal elements
_____ Lobby money mula sa mga grupong may vested interests
_____ Big time bonus mula sa Senate president
_____ Wala akong planong bawiin ang nagastos sa kampanya. Patunay lamang ito na tapat ang aking hangaring makapaglingkod sa aking kapwa. Jooooke!

“Popularity should be no scale for the election of politicians. If it would depend on popularity, Donald Duck and The Muppets would take seats in the Senate.”
~Orson Welles

Sound Bites
“Ang cedula ay isang bagay na hindi na kailangan ngayon. Spanish time pa ‘yan! Pwede kang kumuha ng cedula at any time sa ilalim ng tulay, kung saan-saan at minsan nakakakuha ka pa ng cedula na walang pangalan, at hindi filled-up.”
~BIR Commissioner Kim Henares

Have a productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo Credit: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Blogger Manila, Philippine Star]


22 02 2011

China has delayed the execution of three Filipinos found guilty of drug smuggling. That was the good news that reverberated last Friday from Beijing to Manila – and to the Spratly Islands.

Vice President Jejomar Binay said China’s decision to delay the execution of three Filipinos was historic since Beijing has never postponed executions in the past. In fact, not even Great Britain was able to stop the execution of a British national in 2009 for drug smuggling. But then again, Britain does not lay claim to the Spratlys.

Some political observers say the stay of execution for three Filipinos could be related to the Spratly dispute. Manila goes “quiet” on its claim on the islands, Beijing delays the execution. Squid pro quo.

Special Envoys
Three days after sending Vice President Jejomar Binay to China, President Aquino sent former senator Mar Roxas to Taiwan. Last Friday, China postponed the execution of three Filipinos convicted of drug trafficking in Beijing. Samar Group, 1: Balay Group, 0.

Three Filipinos were to be executed in China and Jejomar Binay was sent to Beijing. Fourteen Taiwanese were deported to mainland China by the Philippines; Taiwan got mad and Mar Roxas was sent to Taipei. Rumors say the original choice for the Beijing trip was Roxas but Chinese officials opted to meet Binay citing its “one VP policy.”

Losing vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas was sent to Taiwan to “seek understanding.” Unconfirmed reports say while Taiwanese officials graciously welcomed Roxas, they refused to accept his explanation saying the one year ban on defeated candidates was still in effect.

This just in (11:30PM Tuesday):
Reports say Taiwan is still unhappy despite Mar Roxas’ visit. Or as Conrado De Quiros and the Samar Group would call it, “failed mission.”

RH Bill
The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines has reportedly pulled out of the Reproductive Health bill dialogue with the government. But President Aquino is not giving up on the CBCP yet. To appease the bishops, he is sending Vice President Binay to talk to them.

The CBCP has pulled out of the RH Bill talks with the government. Malacañang is accusing the bishops of practicing ‘withdrawal method.’

UST & the RH Bill
University of Santo Tomas professor Aguedo Florence Jalin Jr. instructed his students to post anti-RH bill remarks/comments on the Facebook page of (RH bill proponent) party-list group Akbayan in exchange for “bonus points” in class. When Akbayan officials noticed the “flooding” on the FB page, they knew UST was somehow involved.

Receiving an instruction from their professor, UST students flooded Akbayan’s Facebook page with anti-RH Bill remarks complete with their full names, courses, and school. That’s not surprising though. It’s really hard to change the mindset of a 400-year-old.

And then there were 3!
TV5 has unveiled its own news channel while GMA Network is set to launch GMA News TV on February 28. Senators and congressmen can’t wait to conduct more inquiries and investigations in aid of legislation.

Edsa Anniversary
The country is celebrating the 25th anniversary of Edsa People Power on Friday. Some 5,000 policemen will be deployed to provide security. And that’s for the President’s Porsche alone.

According to the EDSA People Power Commission, everything is set for the country’s celebration of the 25th anniversary of the 1986 Edsa People Power Revolution. Several activities have been lined up for Friday’s momentous occasion. The expected highlight of the event is the launching of the government’s own news channel.

Smokin’ President
Palace spokesman Attorney Edwin Lacierda says President Aquino has cut down on smoking. In fact, the President now consumes only half… of each cigarette stick that he lights up.

ER the Actor
Reports say former character actor, now Laguna Governor ER Ejercito is making not just one but two comeback movies this year… totally disproving the notion that very bad acting is never rewarded.

ER Ejercito will star in the Emilio Aguinaldo biopic. The Laguna governor is flattered. It will be the first movie in which he won’t play a crazed junkie.

Donaire Wins
Nonito Donaire Jr. has won the WBC/WBO bantamweight titles by knocking out Fernando Montiel of Mexico last Sunday. Donaire has practically won every single fight he had in the past 12 months… except for that one against his parents.

Korina and Mar
Interviewed by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Korina Sanchez categorically denied rumors she and Mar Roxas have called it quits telling an entertainment columnist, “My relationship with Mar has become deeper, more nourishing and happier.” In the interest of fairness, the Philippine Daily Inquirer will try to get the side of Roxas as soon as possible.
“I must acknowledge, once and for all, that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis.”
~Star Trek, Mr. Spock

Briefly Noted
Probably out of force of habit, the Department of Tourism replaced the slogan “Tara, Biyahe Tayo” with its new campaign “Pilipinas, Tara Na!” | Tara na? Where? Sa Hong Kong?

Briefly Noted, Too
Have you seen Manny Pacquiao’s Datu Puti TVC? The copy includes the following lines:
Freddie Roach impersonator: May asim pa si Mommy.
Mommy Dionisia: May toyo ka yata eh.

In the version I caught last night, Mommy Dionisia’s “may toyo” line was noticeably edited out. Derogatory much?

Survey Says
Sa iyong palagay, mai-impeach ba ng Kamara si Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez?
Oo naman. May tiwala ako sa kanila. 21.95%
Asa pa! Kanya-kanyang interes ‘yan! 56.1%
Hintayin na lang natin. 21.95%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Congratulations to Kobe Bryant, the MVP of the 60th NBA All-Star Game in LA. Great work West All Stars! Sorry, LeBron James. Go ahead, cry now. #beattheheat

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Enjoy the rest of the week! Ingat!

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