KA-DDS SA EDSA

Grabe ang traffic sa EDSA. Mga Ka-DDS, anong masasabi n’yo?

BOMBA!

AROUND 5PM last Wednesday, a backpack was thrown at a bus from a footbridge at the corner of Edsa and F.B. Harrison Street in Pasay City. Police thought it had a bomb in it but there only was trash. The Pasay City police chief said, “Our dog sat near the bag four times, a sign that an improvised explosive device could be inside.” It’s also a sign that you need a new dog.

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The Pasay City Police chief said, “Our dog sat near the bag four times.” They thought there was a bomb. Jiggy Manicad thought there was just “tae.”

A false bomb alert stalled traffic on Edsa and other streets Wednesday night. Heavy traffic lasted almost five hours. With no other choice but to wait ‘til it’s over, motorists just sat there – DOING absolutely NOTHING. Now they know how it feels like to be an SK official.

Because of a backpack, Edsa was virtually shut down Wednesday night. Motorists say it was like the US government shutdown – but worse.

There was a monstrous traffic jam in the metro last Wednesday. Edsa wasn’t moving. And Jinky Pacquiao’s face was like, “I know the feeling.”

Warning
On Thursday, US embassy officials warned their citizens against traveling to Southern Mindanao. If the US government really cares about Americans, it should also warn them against traveling on Edsa.

1BLKabayan
Have you been listening to former Vice President Noli De Castro on radio? I salute the man for being outspoken against corruption in government. But he was nine years late.

Former Vice President Noli De Castro must be commended for speaking against PDAF abuses on radio. It takes guts and courage to be hypocritical almost every morning.

Fired?
Initial reports say controversial LTO chief Virginia Torres (who was caught on video inside a casino) was fired. But Torres insisted she actually retired. Fired or retired, I just wanted to say, so long Virginia, “May the odds be ever in your favor.”

Unemployed
According to an SWS survey, jobless Filipinos are up by 100,000. Make that 100,001 including Virginia Torres.

Christmas
It’s less than 75 days before Christmas. It’s the season of bonuses again. I wish I were an SSS board member!

Lawmakers wanted to investigate SSS board members for receiving huge bonuses. Hey pot, I’m kettle. You’re black.

Genuine
Interviewed by the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Technology Resource Center Director Dennis Cunanan confirmed that signatures of Bong Revilla [who endorsed dubious NGOs formed by Janet Napoles] were genuine. When Revilla read the news, he vowed to hire a polygraph expert to verify if Cunanan was telling the truth.

Miss World
The House of Representatives will award Miss World 2013 Megan Young with a congressional citation next week. Congressmen praised Megan “for inspiring and bringing pride to Filipinos.” To which Megan replied, “I hope you do too. Please lang!”

Rare Find
Reports say biologists found a Rafflesia manillana, the world’s largest flower in the Sierra Madre mountains. It was a rare find the report said. But I’d be more excited if they would find Reynald Lim, Delfin Lee or Nur Misuari.

1Nobel Prize
Canadian short fiction writer Alice Munro has won this year’s Nobel Prize in literature – while the Nobel Prize in good chemistry was awarded to Janet Lim-Napoles and her lawmaker friends.

If there’s a Nobel Prize in corruption, the Philippines would have multiple finalists.

Kidnapped
A high-ranking government official in Libya was kidnapped by rebels apparently to teach him a lesson for his poor performance. If only the NPA was just as useful.

1New Planet
Astronomers have spotted “a strange, lonely” planet floating “alone” in space. They named it ‘Noynoy.’
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“People who say, ‘Let the chips fall where they may,’ usually figure they will not be hit by a chip.”
~ Bernard Williams

Sound Bites
“I sometimes personally make the calls to verify signatures, and in one occasion Senator Revilla scolded me for the delay in the release of his PDAF to a designated NGO when I called his office.”
~Dennis Cunanan, Director, Technology Resource Center

“It’s unkind to argue with a trainee.”
~Former Senator Joker Arroyo on palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda

Enjoy your weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos courtesy of AutomotivePartsSupplier.Com, Philstar.Com, Yahoo!News, and NBC News]

TRAFFIC


ACCORDING TO A Philippine Daily Inquirer report, President Aquino “had been hinting to friends a Mar Roxas-Chiz Escudero team for 2016.” Apparently, the President wanted to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

For 2016, President Aquino is reportedly hinting a Roxas-Escudero tandem. And Korina Sanchez is hinting a ‘No Way – Over My Dead Body’ tandem.

A Philippine Daily Inquirer report says Jinggoy Estrada has edged out Chiz Escudero as the potential running mate of Vice President Binay in 2016. Ironically, Binay’s camp says it’s “too early” to speculate. “Too early” is an adverb you least expect to hear from someone who declared his presidential plans five years before the elections.

LP-NP
President Aquino’s Liberal Party and Senator Manny Villar’s Nacionalista Party have coalesced for the 2013 elections. This will pave the way for the insertion of Cynthia Villar’s name in the administration’s senatorial ticket.

Remember when Aquino’s LP was saying Villar was corrupt, and Villar’s NP was calling Noynoy retarded? Wala lang. Naalala ko lang.

Traffic!
Earlier this week, it seemed that traffic on Edsa was at its worst. To illustrate, imagine that Vicki Belo’s face was Edsa. The only part moving were the lips.

Traffic on Edsa was so bad, the MMDA reportedly sought the help of Pope Benedict XVI.

Reports say Edsa can only accommodate 6,000 buses. But today, some 12,000 bus units ply the historic highway! It’s not Edsa that needs divine intervention. It’s the LTFRB!

Top 5 Things Faster Than Traffic on Edsa

No. 5: Senator Gordon talking

No. 4: The annulment of Senator Chiz Escudero’s marriage to Tintin Flores

No. 3: The airing of ABS-CBN’s Dolphy VTR seconds after the confirmation of his death last Tuesday evening. #boyscout

No. 2: Ruffa Gutierrez’s tweet announcing the death of Mang Dolphy (preempting even Zsa Zsa Padilla’s confirmation)

And the No. 1 thing faster than traffic on Edsa…

Anything that moves.

Eat It!
Davao City Vice Mayor Rodrigo Duterte forced a suspected swindler to eat his fake land titles following his arrest. The suspect is confident he will be acquitted because he just got rid of the evidence.

Free Use of Toilet
A party-list representative has filed a bill that seeks to prohibit malls from collecting fees for the use of their comfort rooms. The proposed penalty of one year imprisonment for repeat offenders is hoped to scare the shit out of mall owners.

AVE paty-list Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay filed a measure seeking to prevent malls from collecting fees for the use of toilets. Mall owners pooh-pooh the proposed bill.
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“Leave sooner, drive slower, live longer.”
~Author Unknown

Quotes Quiz. Who said:
“I just want my dad; everyone else can have all the awards.”
A: Eric Quizon
B: Epy Quizon
C: Zia Quizon
D: Ronnie Quizon

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Answer to Quotes Quiz: B