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AWARD!

24 04 2017

MANILA MAYOR Joseph Estrada celebrated his 80th birthday recently at the Manila Hotel. In attendance were the who’s who of Philippine politics like President Duterte, former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and husband Mike, former vice president Jejomar Binay, detained ex-senator Jinggoy Estrada, former senator Juan Ponce Enrile, Bongbong Marcos, and Imelda Marcos. When Satan saw this group photo, he said, “Uwian na bes. Nanalo na ako.”

01DELIVERUSfromEvil

Most Influential
Duterte fanatics are livid. The President topped TIME’s online poll for its annual most influential people list but the TIME 100 write up written by former Colombian president Cesar Gaviria was critical of the government’s war on drugs. Fanatics are appealing to their fellow Ka-DDS to boycott TIME – a news magazine which, they neither read nor buy to begin with.

01TIME2

It’s TIME
Palace Spokesman Ernesto Abella: Sir, kasama po kayo sa online survey ng TIME.

President Duterte: Sus! ‘Di ako naniniwala sa survey-survey na ‘yan.

Abella: Sir, grabe ang support ng mga Ka-DDS, nangunguna kayo.

Duterte: Sus! Thank you na lang.

Abella: Sir, nanalo na kayo! Kayo ang No. 1!

Duterte: Congrats sa ating lahat. Sabihin mo sa mga tao natin, maraming salamat.

Abella: Sir, kalalabas lang: negative ang write up ng TIME.

Duterte: Put*ng ina kasi. ‘Di ba sabi ko, hindi dapat pinaniniwalaan ang mga survey na ‘yan? Ang kulit n’yo eh. ‘Tang ina.

It’s Time II
Abella: Sir, panalo kayo sa TIME 100 online poll.

Duterte: Ano ‘yon?

Abella: Most influential people in the world. Ibinoto kayo ng mga Ka-DDS.

Duterte: Wow. Sinu-sino bang kasama ko doon?

Abella: Nandun sina Pope Francis, Theresa May, Elizabeth Warren, Vladimir Putin, Melinda Gates…

Duterte: Eh ‘di ok.

Abella: ‘Tsaka si Senator De Lima, sir.

Duterte: PUTANG INA! ILANG BESES KO BA SASABIHING HINDI AKO BILIB SA MGA ONLINE SURVEY NA ‘YAN?!? MAHIRAP BANG INTINDIHIN ‘YUN!?!

01Oblation
Honoris Causa
Amid protests from UP students, faculty and alumni, President Duterte declined the offer of the State University’s Board of Regents (BOR) to confer him the Doctor of Laws degree, honoris causa. Records show the honorary degree for Duterte was proposed by UP President Danny Concepcion. The motion was seconded by Regents Angelo Jimenez and Frederick Farolan, both Duterte appointees in the BOR. Despite Duterte’s rejection of the honorary degree, Malacañang assured Farolan and Jimenez there are other ways to win Order of Lapu-Lapu (award) from the President in the future.

Honoris Causa II
Abella: Sir, may offer na honorary degree ang UP.

Duterte: Anong kailangang gawin?

Abella: A-attend ka lang sa graduation nila.

Duterte: ‘Yun lang?

Abella: Yes sir.

Duterte: Sige. Kailan ‘yan?

Abella: Sanga pala sir, maraming bumabatikos sa offer na honorary degree. ‘Di raw kayo deserving dahil sa human rights record n’yo. June 25 nga pala ‘yung graduation.

Duterte: JUNE 25?!? EH ANO NGAYON?! ‘DI BA SABI KO, HINDI AKO TUMATANGGAP NG AWARD-AWARD NA ‘YAN? BAKIT KA UMOO?

Abella:

Honoris Causa III
Abella: Sir, may offer na honorary degree ang UP.

Duterte: Hindi ako tumatanggap ng kahit anong award. As a matter of personal and official policy, I do not accept awards.

Abella: Pero sir, ‘di ba tinanggap n’yo ‘yung ‘Man of the Year Award’ last February from the Manila Times ‘tsaka ‘yung Knight Grand Cross award mula sa Knights of Rizal? Nasa report ng Rappler.

Duterte: Gagu! Sino bang paniwalaan mo: ako o ‘yung fake news ng Rappler?

Abella: Eh sir, nandun ako nang tanggapin n’yo ‘yung dalawang award eh.

Duterte: Gusto mong ikaw ang awardan ko?

Abella: Tama sir ang desisyon n’yo. Say no to UP!

VP’s Birthday
Last April 23, Vice President Leni Robredo quietly spent her 52nd birthday at home with her family. Mocha Uson and Bruce Rivera are still figuring out which part of the celebration is an impeachable offense.
_________________________________________________________________________________
“You should not honor men more than truth.”
~Plato

Sound Bites
“With due respect to the University of the Philippines, I do not accept even when I was mayor. As a matter of personal and official policy, I do not accept awards. I simply decline. Kasi hindi ako tumtanggap, ever since.”
~President Duterte

‘k.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Erap Party: CTTO; Oblation: Inquirer.Net]

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