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SLAM BOOK: MOCHA USON

27 02 2018

THIS BLOG’S Slam Book Series started six years ago. The most recent one was posted in 2016 – Duterte’s slam book no less. Today, we continue the series with the slam book entry of controversial and infamous communications assistant secretary Mocha Uson.

1SBMU

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“There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.”
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Sound Bites
“The facts are easily verifiable, the public record voluminous and indisputable — if only [Mocha Uson], her salary and the state resources at her command paid for by the people’s money, had the basic integrity to Google history instead of using her official perch to propagandize falsely, perniciously.”
~Editorial: Lying and deception in post-truth world

Indeed.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

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2018: MGA HULA AT BABALA

29 12 2017

HERE’S what’s in store for you in 2018 – Year of the Dog. Happy New Year everyone!

1RatRAT: 2008, 1996, 1984, 1972, 1960
Kung hindi ka mag-iingat, mahuhulihan ka ng droga sa kalagitnaan ng taon. Kung mahirap ka at hindi kilala, mabubulok ka sa kulungan. Kung artista ka at sikat ang angkan, wala kang problema: madidismis ang iyong kaso. Pero hindi pa huli ang lahat. Kung ikaw ay mahirap, may time ka pang pasukin ang showbiz. Good luck!

Health: Mag-reduce.
Love: Wala ka pa ring swerte. Manalamin.

1OxOX: 2009, 1997, 1985, 1973, 1961
Wala pa ring pagbabago sa iyo sa darating na taon. Mas magiging aktibo ka pa nga sa pamba-bash sa social media. Ang cheap mo talaga!

Health: Sukatin ang waistline. Ihanda ang sarili sa matutuklasan.
Love: Kung hindi na kayo masaya sa isa’t isa, you both deserve it.

1Ti
TIGER: 2010, 1998, 1986, 1974, 1962
Ilang beses kang mali-late sa trabaho dahil tuwing sasakay ka sa MRT, masisiraan ito. Mapipilitan kang tanungin ang sarili mo – Sino ba talagang malas: ako o ang gobyerno?

Health: Walking is good for your body. Sa ayaw mo man o sa gusto, mapapadalas ang paglalakad mo –  sa riles ng tren.
Love: Kung hindi ka na happy, let go. Sayang lang ang gastos mo.

1RabbitRABBIT: 2011, 1999, 1987, 1975, 1963
Sisikat ka ngayong 2018. Magti-trend ang isang video kung saan makikitang minumura mo ang nakagitgitang taxi driver.

Health: Magpa-check ng BP regularly.
Love: Mabait lang talaga siya sa ‘yo. Hanggang doon lang ‘yon. Huwag bigyang-kulay.

1DragDRAGON: 2012, 2000, 1988, 1976, 1964
Ito ang luckiest sign. Ngayong 2018, lalo kang susuwertehin kung magpapalagay ka ng dragon tattoo sa iyong likod. Makipagkaibigan sa mga taong ang pangalan ay ‘Paolo,’ ‘Charlie, ‘Tan,’ ‘Kenneth, ‘Dong,’ ‘Peter,’ ‘Lim,’ o ‘Nani’ upang kumita nang malaki.

Health: Huwag araw-arawin ang ‘cheat day.’
Love: Ilang years ka nang single, ‘di ka pa ba sanay?!

1SNSNAKE: 2013, 2001, 1989, 1977, 1965
Palihim kang pag-uusapan ng iyong Facebook friends dahil lagi kang nag-shi-share at nagla-like ng fake news ng mga pro-Duterte bloggers.  Huwag gullible. [Para mas harsh: Huwag tanga.]

Health: Kumunsulta sa psychologist.
Love: Mas masaya ka kung nag-iisa. ‘Yan ang totoo.

1HORHORSE: 2014, 2002, 1990, 1978, 1966
Posibleng masangkot ka sa anomalya sa iyong opisina. Pero ‘wag mag-alala. Kung sa Duterte government ka nagtatrabaho, baka ilipat ka lang sa ibang pwesto. ‘Wag mawalan ng pag-asa.

Health: Hindi nakakabawas ng timbang ang pagpisil sa stress ball. Mag-exercise ka!
Love: Be the one that got away. Maiba naman.

1shpGOAT: 2015, 2003, 1991, 1979, 1967
Matapos mag-Starbucks, mawawala ka for 48 hours. Walang maghahanap sa ‘yo.

Health: Hindi uubra ang “After 6” diet sa ‘yo kung maghapon ka namang lumalamon.
Love: Ipa-check-up ang puso mo. Pagod na pagod na kasi ito sa katitibok sa taong hindi naman pumapansin sa ‘yo.

1monkMONKEY: 2016, 2004, 1992, 1980, 1968
Maganda ang pasok ng taon. Dahil sa nilagdaang Tax Reform for Acceleration and Inclusion (TRAIN) Law, tataas ang sweldo. Ang bad news: wala ka pa ring trabaho. Dasal lang. Dasal lang talaga.

Health: Ok sana ang ginagawa mong pagtakbo. ‘Yun nga lang, laging sa ref ang punta mo.
Love: Mag-focus na lang sa mga pamangkin. At least, they’ll love you back.

1roosROOSTER: 2017, 2005, 1993, 1981, 1969
Malaki ang posibilidad na mapaaway ka na naman sa social media dahil sa iyong pananaw sa pulitika. Bawasan ang pagiging patola.

Health: Huwag magbasa ng online comments para hindi ma-stress.
Love: Makikilala mo na finally ang taong mamahalin mo. Ang tanong: mamahalin ka kaya niya?

1DogDOG: 2018, 2006, 1994, 1982, 1970
Makakahanap ka ng trabaho ngayong 2018. Aalukin kang maging keyboard warrior ng Duterte government. In short, troll. Nasa sa ‘yo na kung alin ang pipiliin mo: pera o prinsipyo.

Health: Kapansin-pansin talaga ang double chin mo. ‘Di ka ba naco-conscious?
Love: Darating din ‘yan. Siguro, mga 12 years pa. Be patient.

1PigPIG: 2019, 2007, 1995, 1983, 1971
Mag-aaway kayo sa social media ng iyong ama. Feeling mo, ito na ang chance mong makilala ng masa. Pero walang papansin sa away n’yong dalawa. Sabihin mo sa tatay mo, maging vice mayor o drug smuggler muna siya.

Health: Hindi ka tumataba dahil sa suot mong shirt. Mataba ka lang talaga. Mag-diet.
Love: Matagal na siyang nakapag-move on. Ikaw kaya, kailan?
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“The best way to predict the future is to create it.”
~Peter Drucker

724RapplerPutangIna
Sound Bites
“Duterte has made a mockery of rule of law in his country. While he is not your typical corrupt leader, he has empowered corruption in an innovative way. His death squads have allegedly focused on criminals but, in fact, are less discriminating. He has empowered a bully-run system of survival of the fiercest. In the end, the Philippines is more corrupt, more cruel, and less democratic.”
~Organized Crime and Corruption Reporting Project on its decision to name Duterte ‘Person of the Year’

Congratulations!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Inquirer.net; Animal Signs: Travel China Guide]





OF SENATORS AND STUPIDITY

18 03 2017

AN IMPEACHMENT complaint has been filed against President Duterte. The complaint is expected to be meted the death penalty in Congress.

Pick of the Week
From ‘The Weekly with Charlie Pickering’ an Australian satirical TV news program. Truthful, biting, hilarious.

“Resource” Person
Controversial starlet and sex advice blogger Mocha Uson was invited as resource speaker by the Philippine Army to an event that aims “to promote awareness on security challenges through intellectual discourse with experts in various disciplines.” It was an enlightening talk. She taught the soldiers the different positions during battle.

Stupid
Tito Sotto, the paragon of intellect and wit at the Senate, was quoted to have said 50 percent of Filipino drivers were stupid. You ungrateful bitch! If not for their stupidity, you wouldn’t be elected senator.

Stupid II
According to Tito Sotto, more than 50 percent of Filipino drivers are stupid. In response, Filipino drivers say “more than half of senators are Tito Sotto.”

Intimate Dinner I
Senators who belong to the ‘majority’ bloc had an “intimate” dinner with their ‘amo’ – President Duterte recently. It was a lovely and satisfying evening for the senators who each had a hefty serving of Pedigree, Royal Canin, and Alpo.


Intimate Dinner II
Majority bloc senators had an “intimate dinner” with President Duterte. Before dinner started, Duterte asked Manny Pacquiao to lead the prayer. He then asked Loren Legarda to lead the singing of the Philippine national anthem. And to everyone’s surprise, he also asked Grace Poe and Alan Peter Cayetano to lead the singing of the Star Spangled Banner.

Intimate Dinner III
The Senate’s majority bloc had an “intimate” dinner with President Duterte last Tuesday. No other government official was invited although Solicitor General Jose Calida was allowed entry to award each senator with a ‘Republic Defenders’ pin.

Missing Andanar
Since losing his ‘messaging’ job two weeks ago, Communications Secretary Martin Andanar has been very quiet. Please return soon. We miss your blunders.

Knockout
It was like watching Floyd Mayweather Jr. fight Manny Pacquiao all over again with the same results. Worse even. The incompetence of Manny Pacquiao was in full display when Senator Drilon interpellated him on a proposed measure. During the break, Pacquiao reportedly went to the restroom, faced the mirror and said, “Why am I doing this to myself?”

After the interpellation, Manny Pacquiao admitted he failed to answer Drilon’s questions because he had a shoulder injury.

In case you missed it…


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“The biggest mistake of a democratic country is to underestimate the power of a democratically elected pro-fascist leader because it is always easier to destroy a castle from within!”
~Mehmet Murat ildan

Sound Bites
“As to the plan or the objective of the house speaker, we really could not tell at this point but we see it purely as conditioning the minds of the public and also really trying to bring the credibility of the vice president down.”
~Georgina Hernandez, spokesman of VP Leni Robredo on House Speaker Alvarez’s impeachment threat

Reality bites.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: JV Ejercito]





DON’T LOSE HOPE…

24 12 2016

1htgawm
THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS.

1xmas
Have a safe Christmas & an even safer New Year!
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“Men who thought of themselves as gods fell the farthest, and the hardest.”
~Nenia Campbell, ‘Cease and Desist’








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