DUTERTE: MAGTIIS KAYO! PU*!@#1&@ N^0! (A Lenten Message)

Katulad ni Hesus, tayong mga Pilipino ay dapat magtiis at magsakripisyo. Kung walang tubig, magtiis…

LENTEN MESSAGE OF 
PRESIDENT RODRIGO DUTERTE
April 2019

Minamahal kong mga kababayan,

Ang Kuwaresma ay panahon ng pagtitika at sakripisyo.

Katulad ni Hesus, tayong mga Pilipino ay dapat magtiis at magsakripisyo. Kung walang tubig, magtiis. Kung brownout, magtiis. Kung walang trabaho dahil napunta na sa mga Chinese, magtiis. Kung naipit sa traffic, magtiis. Kung inosente at napatay sa raid ng pulis, magtiis. Ibinoto n’yo ako, magtiis kayo!

Ang pagsasakripisyo ngayong Kuwaresma ay isang paraan para mapalapit sa Itaas. Sa mga nagugutom at walang makain, huwag n’yong sisihin ang gobyerno. Isipin n’yo na lang na mas mapapalapit kayo sa Panginoon. Puro kayo reklamo, ‘tang i*a n’yo, magtrabaho kayo!

Sabi nga nila, we have to give up something for Lent lalo na ngayong Holy Week. Some people are giving up alcohol, ‘yung iba will give up smoking while some will give up meat. Mula nang ako’y maging presidente, consistent ako. Isa lang ang ginive-up ko, ang West Philippine Sea. P*tang i*a n’yo, kung gusto n’yong lumaban sa China, kayo na lang. Wala kayong barkong pang-guerra ‘tapos makikipag-agawan kayo ng isla, mga bobo kayo, ‘tang i*a n’yo!

Si Barrabas o si Hesus? Sino ba ang pinalaya ni Poncio Pilato? ‘Di ba ‘yung kriminal? ‘Wag kayong magreklamo kung bakit malaya pa rin sina Michael Yang at Peter Lim. Sumusunod lang ako sa Bibliya.

Si Hesus ay biktima ng paninira at maling bintang. Ganyang-ganyan ang ginagawa ng Bikoy na ‘yan sa aking pamilya. Lahat na lang idinawit mo sa druga p*tang i*a ka. Maliit ang t*ti mo pisti ka! ‘Yung akin, malaki! Ulol!

Maraming bumabatikos sa senatorial candidates ng Hugpong ng Pagbabago. Sabi nila, mga magnanakaw daw. Bakit? Anong masama sa magnanakaw? Nang ipako sa krus si Hesus, ‘di ba dalawang magnanakaw ang katabi niya? At anong sabi niya sa  magnanakaw? “Isasama kita sa kaharian ng Diyos.” Ang linaw ng sinabi n’ya. Kaya ‘di ko maintindihan kung bakit galit na galit kayo kina Bong Revilla at Jinggoy Estrada.

At dahil Holy Week, uso na naman ang Visita Iglesia. Kung ako sa n’yo, ‘wag na kayong magsimba. Pisti ‘yang mga pari at obispong ‘yan. ‘Pag nakasalubong n’yo, holdapin n’yo, ako ang bahala sa inyo.

Hanggang dito na lamang. Maraming salamat at nawa’y maging ligtas ang inyong bakasyon. Paalala lang: Huwag manlalaban. 

————————————————————————

“A traitor leader is the outcome of a fool nation.”
~M.F. Moonzajer, ‘30 Pieces’

For a daily dose of political humor and more, follow me on Twitter: @HecklerForever8

Advertisements

A SEPARATION

“It’s like a father and a son and the son has to leave the house, and the son has to marry and move to a different house.”

“America has lost. I, in this venue, your honors, in this venue, I announce my separation from the United States both in military — not in social — both in military but economic. I am separated from them, so I will be dependent on you for all time.”
~President Duterte in Beijing, China

1duterte
IN FRONT of Chinese businessmen and Chinese Vice Premier Zhang Gaoli, President Duterte announced his “separation” from the United States and revealed his plan to talk to “President Vladimir Putin and tell him that there are three of us against the world – China, Philippines and Russia.” Shortly after, Filipinos online announced their ‘separation’ from Rodrigo Duterte.

According to President Rodrigo Duterte, it will be the triumvirate of China, Philippines and Russia “against the world.” Baffled, the world asked, “Inaano ba kita? Punyeta ka!”

Moments after announcing his “separation from the US,” President Duterte revealed his intention to tell Vladimir Putin “there are three of us against the world – China, Philippines and Russia.” Although it wasn’t reported that day, Sanity also announced its separation from Rodrigo Duterte.

Just a day after announcing in Beijing his “separation” from the United States – both military and economic, President Duterte backtracked. He said the country would not sever ties with the US – prompting the Makabayan bloc to cancel a victory party scheduled for tonight.

Exerting his best effort to interpret the President’s controversial statement, Presidential Communications chief Martin Andanar said, “It’s like a father and a son and the son has to leave the house, and the son has to marry and move to a different house.” But before leaving, the son had to curse his father and call him ‘son of a bitch’ while flashing a dirty finger.

Presidential Communications chief Martin Andanar said, “Separation is not an annulment. It’s not a divorce. It’s like a father and a son and the son has to leave the house, and the son has to marry and move to a different house.” Thank you Brother Andanar for sharing with us that engaging parable of foreign policy.

Saying we must wait for official guidelines, Presidential Communications Office Assistant Secretary Marie Banaag said the public should not “interpret” the President’s statement. Which makes sense since there’s already a government department for that.

Rowdy, Discourteous
Continuing his tirades against Westerners in front of the Chinese, President Duterte said, “Americans are a very discourteous people. They are a little bit loud, sometimes rowdy.” To be exact, Americans are the second rowdiest group of people in the world – next only to Duterte fanatics.

Quote of the Weak
Sandro Marcos continues to showcase his comedic talent online. Reacting to the President’s pronouncements in Beijing, Bongbong Marcos’s son tweeted, “Duterte shying away from the US actually makes sense in the long term, at least for now ” – forcing Agot Isidro to advise, “May kakilala akong Language teacher. Pa-tutor ka.”

Disclaimer
Before the President is allowed to deliver a speech or asked to comment on something, there must be a disclaimer. I suggest any of the following:

The views expressed by Rodrigo Duterte do not necessarily reflect the views of the government of the Republic of the Philippines or the Filipino people.

The views and opinions expressed by Rodrigo Duterte do not necessarily represent official policy or position of the Republic of the Philippines or its citizens.

Ang mga pananaw ni Rodrigo Duterte ay kanya lamang at hindi kumakatawan sa pananaw o opisyal na polisiya ng Republika ng Pilipinas at ng mga Filipino maliban na lamang sa mga panatikong oo lang nang oo sa kanyang mga sinasabi at ginagawa.

Ang talumpati o pahayag na ito ay Rated SPG: Striktong Patnubay at Gabay ng magulang ang kailangan. Maaaring may maseselang tema, lengguwahe, karahasan, pagbabanta, sekswal, homophobia, misogyny, at droga na hindi angkop sa mga bata.
————————————————————————————————————————————–
“Telling someone who is manic that he’s manic is like telling a dictator that he’s a dick. Neither is going to admit it, and both are willing to torture you to prove their points.”
~Melody Moezzi, ‘Haldol and Hyacinths: A Bipolar Life’

Sound Bites
“It is not severance of ties. You say severance of ties, you cut the diplomatic relations. I cannot do that. It is in the best interest of my country that we maintain that relationship.”
~President Duterte explaining his ‘separation’ statement

SMH.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Rappler]