SURPRISE RECOVERY

The DOH has re-classified active mild and asymptomatic COVID19 cases as “recovered.”

IN YET ANOTHER bewildering move, the Department of Health implemented a “mass recovery” adjustment. All mild and asymptomatic active COVID19 cases were re-classified as “recovered.” They claimed it’s in the guidelines of the World Health Organization.

An expert from UP weighs in on the issue:

I’m on Twitter and Instagram: @HecklerForever8

DANGEROUS


2011 Budget
On Monday, President Aquino signed into law the P1.645-trillion General Appropriations Act of 2011… drawing praise and a loud applause from lawmakers who couldn’t wait to reimburse their expenditures last election.

Firecrackers!
According to the Department of Health, the top causes of injury on New Year’s Eve are (in order): 1) piccolo 2) kwitis 3) five star 4) whistle bomb 5) boga, and 6) triangle. Surprisingly missing from the list are ‘katigasan ng ulo’ and ‘katangahan.’


Instead of firecrackers, the use of pots and pans to make noise on New Year’s Eve has been recommended by the Department of Health. Or you could also try any Kris Aquino movie.

Last weekend, a 44-year-old woman from Bulacan committed suicide by swallowing piccolo firecracker. It was the second suicide try by the woman. In her first attempt, she tried to swallow pots and pans.

According to the DOH, even ‘torotot’ is dangerous for kids. Yeah, we know. They have to become adults first before they engage in that.

MMFF Awards
Several people are questioning the results of the MMDA-organized Metro Manila Film Festival Gabi ng Parangal. But that’s totally unfair. Awards are subjective. Besides, why expect too much from the very same people who run the metro’s traffic system?

Palace spokesman Atty. Edwin Lacierda headed this year’s MMFF board of jurors. Ignoring criticisms, Lacierda insisted that the list of winners was “fine-tuned” before being made public.

Top 10 Things Overheard At the Recent Dinner in Malacanang When President Aquino Arrived with Stockbroker Maria Elena ‘Len’ Lopez

https://professionalheckler.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/lenlopez.jpg?w=284&h=170
No. 10: “’Yan ba ang bagong chick ni Presidente?!?! Wehhh?”

No. 9: “O Ricky, ‘yong promise mo huh. ‘Wag mo munang ili-leak sa ANC.”

No. 8: “’Asan ba ‘yong number ni Victor Agustin ng Manila Standard Today? Ah, here. 0918-904-3826 Send! Bingo!”

No. 7: “In fairness, mukha namang palaban. Good luck kay Kris!”

No. 6: “As agreed in last week’s Cabinet meeting: no cameras, no cell phones, no videocams, nothing! Paki-deposit na lang sa reception.”

No. 5: “Ano kayang ipinakain sa kanya?”

No. 4: “Kinain kaya niya? Eeew!”

No. 3: “(Whispering) Pare, tuloy ang pustahan huh. Basta hula mo, hanggang mid-January lang. Sa ‘kin, feeling ko tatagal ‘yan hanggang birthday niya sa Feb. Deal?”

No. 2: “Oo ngaaaaaaa! Mas maganda nga siya kesa kay… Rico E. Puno!”

And the no. 1 thing overheard at the recent dinner in Malacanang when President Aquino arrived with stockbroker Len Lopez…

“Good evening. Ang sinumang magkukuwento sa media na nandito ngayong gabi si Len ay automatikong kasama sa Cabinet revamp next month. Maliwanag?”
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“Kung ako ang may tindahan, lahat ng tao except for you, bebentahan ko nang mura. Sa ‘yo lang ako magmamahal.”
#chizcurls #kesongputi #chizescudero

Survey Says
Forty-two years na ang Partido Komunista ng Pilipinas. Any message?
5.24% – Mabuhay kayo! Ituloy ang pakikibaka para sa tunay na pagbabago sa gobyerno!
73.80% – Forty-two? Hayyyy, sad. Stop na kasi! May ibang paraan pa upang makamit ang pagbabago.
20.96% – Wala akong pakialam sa kanila.

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