23 07 2013

PRESIDENT AQUINO delivered his fourth State of the Nation Address Monday, July 22. He enumerated his administration’s accomplishments and agenda. He was straightforward. He was specific. No-frills, no drama, no Freedom of Information Bill.

The Philippine Daily Inquirer noted that the President’s speech was interrupted at least 90 times with applause. The President did not mention anything about the FOI Bill. That received the loudest and longest round of applause from lawmakers.

It was a long speech. He spoke for 1 hour and 42 minutes – setting a personal record for the longest period spent without lighting a cigarette.

President Aquino had a long speech, one hour and 42 minutes to be exact according to reports. While the President was fighting corruption, attendees were fighting sleep.

Tuwid na Daan
Of his anti-corruption drive, President Aquino said, “May mga nagtatanong po lagi sa akin: paano kapag bumaba ka na? Tapos na rin ba ang tapat na pamamahala? Tapos na ba ang tuwid na daan?” And Vice President Binay was like, “Ang sakit n’yo namang magsalita!”

On the issue of PDAF or pork barrel, the President vowed, “Tutungo tayo kung saan tayo ituturo ng katotohanan, ebidensya ang magdidikta sa ating mga hakbang.” Janet Lim-Napoles’ heart skipped a beat.

untitled“Kapal ng Mukha”
Without naming names, President Aquino chided Bureau of Customs employees for missing their targets and conniving with smugglers. The President described them as incompetent and ‘makapal ang mukha!’ To which one Customs employee replied, “Excuse me! Hindi kami incompetent!”

It’s just a shame that corruption has become a custom in the Bureau of Customs.

After President Aquino’s speech, Customs Commissioner Ruffy Biazon did what he felt was right: he prayed, he offered his resignation, and he unfollowed the President on Twitter.

After the President’s tongue-lashing of the Bureau of Customs in his SONA, Customs Commissioner Ruffy Biazon vowed to implement drastic measures in the agency. First up: exorcism.

The President cited a Shanghai Morning Post article in which the Philippines was described as the ‘Most Romantic Destination of 2012.’ He’s really thankful for that although he can’t relate.

The President also mentioned other international magazines which named the Philippines the ‘Best Island,’ the ‘Best Tourism Destination,’ and the ‘Best Diving Destination.’ He forgot to mention Quezon City’s Commonwealth Avenue: the Final Destination.

Erap and Sons
Addressing the issue of the feud between his sons Jinggoy and JV, Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada said, “We are one.” No Erap, you are six.

untitledThe Royal Baby
Prince William and Kate Middleton have a new baby! Insiders say the baby boy has Kate and Pippa Middleton’s face, and Princes Charles’, Prince William’s and Prince Harry’s penis.

I am actually worried about the future of this Royal baby. His parents are jobless.

Kate Middleton has given birth to a healthy baby boy. William and Kate have yet to announce the baby’s name but anytime now Julian Assange and Edward Snowden would leak the name to the public.

Dear William and Kate, don’t name your baby Joffrey. Please don’t!

By the way, the Philippines has a Royal baby too. His name is Bimby, son of the Queen of All Media.
“I’m not afraid of the opinions of others – but of being needed and coming up short …”
~John Geddes

Sound Bites
“Ako, nakaramdam ng hiya, dahil hindi naman ako makapal ang mukha, agad-agad akong nagbigay ng pahayag na nag-alok ng pagbibitiw.”
– Customs Commissioner Ruffy Biazon

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Reuters and Glamour]



15 09 2011

IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY yesterday, people were tweeting, “Almost ber months na naman!” Now, it’s already mid-September. That was really fast. The only thing faster was the whirlwind romance between Roman Romulo and Shalani Soledad!

Pasig City Representative Roman Romulo said, “Some may say it is too soon, but I think we’re both old enough to know want we want in life.” Take that Mr President!

Shalani Soledad and Roman Romulo are getting hitched. Shalani decided to marry Roman because the congressman loves her and he loves her God too.

When told of the upcoming wedding of his ex-girlfriend, Shalani Soledad, President Aquino reportedly said he’s not aware  of the engagement. Among other things.

But according to presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda, when President Aquino was told of the engagement, he just smiled. Grace under pressure.

From a bachelor president to a bachelor congressman both from famous political families. Asked about the difference between President Aquino and Congressman Romulo, Shalani Soledad replied, “Seven years.”

Apparently, while President Aquino was drinking Coke Zero, Congressman Romulo was drinking Cheers!

Shalani Soledad, an ex-girlfriend of President Aquino is marrying another politician. To which Korina Sanchez and Bernadette Sembrano said, “Welcome to the club!”

Congressman Roman Romulo and Councilor Shalani Soledad are engaged. Just last week, Willie Revillame was celebrating his legal victory against ABS-CBN. And now this. You can’t really win ‘em all.

The latest Pulse Asia survey conducted from August 20 to September 2, 2011 showed President Aquino got a high approval rating of 77 percent. The study has a margin of error of plus or minus lovelife jokes.

Former Muntinlupa Congressman Ruffy Biazon, a losing senatorial candidate of the Liberal Party has been officially appointed Customs Commissioner. Retired general Danilo Lim, another defeated senatorial bet of the Liberal Party was also appointed deputy commissioner for intelligence. Malacañang looks forward to completing the LP senatorial slate in government before Christmas.

According to the National Statistics Office, Cagayan Valley has the highest employment rate in the country. In second place is the Liberal Party.

Alvarez Leaves
Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda says Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez, as promised has “resigned.” Alvarez is good at keeping promises but Lacierda is better at euphemisms.

Tagalog Twitter
Microblogging site Twitter is now available in Tagalog. You are advised to use this version if you’re not learned. Am I right James Soriano?

Smokin’ Lovers
A recent study revealed that smokers do not make better lovers. To which Shalani Soledad said, “Tell me something I didn’t know.”

Shamcey and Noy
Malacañang is reportedly planning a courtesy call for Miss Universe 2011 3rd runner-up Shamcey Supsup to meet President Aquino. Ingat!
“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

Quotes of the Week
“He doesn’t bring women to the house unless he is serious. The last time he introduced somebody to us was four years ago, Lisa Gokongwei.”
~ Agriculture Undersecretary Berna Romulo-Puyat on the engagement of her brother, Cong. Roman Romulo and Shalani Soledad

Ano raw?
“Ang nakakalungkot lang, 400 years ang UST pero 4th. Dapat siguro 1,000 years para 1st.”
– UST Growling Tigers coach Pido Jarencio after UST’s loss to ADMU in the semifinals of UAAP Season 74. UST finished the season in fourth place

You Have Spoken
Matapos barilin ng isang motorista ang isang traffic enforcer, pabor ba kayo sa mungkahing armasan ng baril ang mga traffic enforcers?
-OO. Kawawa din naman sila. 3.42%
-NO! Never! Mahirap na. Baka umabuso. Mas delikado. 88.03%
-Pag-iisipan ko muna. 8.55%

Inday Varona: Did ‘Love My God’ answer cost Shamsey the crown?

Yahoo News: UP Junior Fighting Maroons… The Streak is Over

The UP Pep Squad shoots for back-to-back titles in the UAAP Cheerdance Competition on Saturday. Good luck guys! See you all there! Expect tough competition from FEU and UST.

Enjoy the rest of the week!
Spend wisely.
Stay healthy.
Live. Love. Laugh. Lakers.

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

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