OUT


TYPHOON MINA has slowly moved out of the country. I am not sure if there’s another storm coming but I heard Customs Commission Angelito Alvarez has started packing.

As it heads toward China, typhoon Mina has been downgraded to a tropical storm. And Standard & Poor’s executives were like, “Don’t look at us!”

Metro Manila wasn’t spared from the wrath of Typhoon Mina. For the record though, it was the third disaster to happen in the metro in recent weeks… next only to “The Adventures of Pureza: Queen of the Riles” and “Tween Academy: Class of 2012.”

Fired!
President Aquino confirmed that Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez is on his way out. According to the President he is not satisfied with the Customs chief’s performance. To which Alvarez allegedly said, “The feeling is mutual.”

The President has fired Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez. Of course, Alvarez would have retained his post if he knew how to fire a gun.

Off to China
For the first time since he assumed office, President Aquino is visiting the People’s Republic of China. As a precautionary measure, he was advised to avoid riding a bus in the Communist country.

Reports say trade tops President Aquino’s agenda on his trip to China. Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda will be part of the President’s entourage mainly because he’s good at trading… barbs.

Joining President Aquino in China are prominent Filipino businessmen – a number of them are of Chinese descent – led by taipans Lucio Tan, Henry Sy, John Gokongwei and PLDT big boss Em Vee Pee.

President Aquino’s trip to China is his first. Or second, if you’d count his visit to Divisoria.

Alabang Boys
The drug case against two of the three so-called Alabang Boys has been dismissed. As the verdict allowing them to walk free, was being read, Richard Brodett and Jorge Joseph, son of radio host Johnny Midnight were in sheer ecstasy.

Overseas…
Faced with a declining approval rating, Japanese Prime Minister Naoto Kan has stepped down. Jobless, Kan has accepted several invitations to visit the Philippines and teach Filipino politicians the concept of ‘delicadeza.’

Nabbed
The sex maniac targeting dentists was arrested over the weekend. Relatives of the victims vow revenge. You know, a tooth for a tooth.

Species
According to a new estimate described by scientists as the most accurate ever, planet Earth is home to 8.7 million species. But more are expected to emerge…  with the help of people like Vicki Belo, Drs. Manny & Pie Calayan, and Ellen Lising.

Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs is very sick. Apparently, he did not eat an apple a day. That would have kept the doctor away.
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“Getting fired is nature’s way to telling you that you had the wrong job in the first place.”
~Hal Lancaster

Quote of Week
“I cannot satisfy everybody. I did my best. If my best wasn’t enough, then I can’t do anything about that.”
~Outgoing Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez

Quote of the Weak
“I may be disconnected from my being Filipino, but with a tongue of privilege I will always have my connections.”
~Ateneo student James Soriano on Filipino, and English, his “mother tongue”

Bonus!
Your weekly horoscope: August 30 – September 5, 2011

August 30, 1989: Director Roman Polanski marries 23-yr-old actress Emmanuelle  Seigner… surprising everyone since the average age of Polanski’s ex-girlfriends was 14.

August 30, 1987: Ben Johnson of Canada runs the century dash in 9.83 seconds… or as Usain Bolt would call it, “Forever!”

August 30, 1885: 13,000 meteors were seen in one hour near Andromeda. The astronomer who witnessed the event was subsequently named “Best in Counting.”

August 30, 1682: William Penn left England to sail to New World. Had he not sailed, the US would have a state called “Sylvania.”

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang pumayag ang pamahalaan sa demand na “substate” ng MILF?
-Sure! Kung iyan ang susi sa pagwawakas ng kaguluhan sa Mindanao! 16.43%
-No! Wala sa saligang-batas ang konseptong ‘yan! Ano kayo hilo? 74.65%
-Pag-aaralan ko muna ang demand. 8.92%

Have a great week!

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TIME’S UP!

JUST SO YOU KNOW: My dot com site: http://professionalheckler.com was hacked! The Professional Heckler falls victim to the Professional Hacker! Darn. We’re trying to fix the site now. Hacked or not, heckling must go on.

PALACE SOURCES say President Aquino has selected former congressman Ruffy Biazon as a replacement for Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez. Everyone has been informed of the President’s decision to replace Alvarez except for Alvarez.

Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez  denied rumors that he had resigned. Alvarez says he will continue to perform his duties until such time that the President tells him to step down or the Philippine Daily Inquirer banners his sacking.

Embattled Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez told the press that he would not step down, and vowed to fight ‘til he’s removed. Alvarez was quick to deny rumors though that his role model was Colonel Moammar Gadhafi.

New Appointees
Defeated senatorial candidate Nereus Acosta has been appointed presidential adviser for environmental protection. Another defeated senatorial candidate, Ruffy Biazon will reportedly be appointed Customs commissioner. This has been a great week for losers.

Bookkeeper
Rowena Del Rosario, the former bookkeeper of the Arroyo firm LTA, Inc., has been released from detention. If needed though, Del Rosario has to come back and answer questions from the members of the Senate prosecution panel.

Irked by Rowena Del Rosario’s answers, Sen. Panfilo Lacson told the former bookkeeper, “Alam mo, ang galing mong magtanga-tangahan.” To which, Rowena replied, “Kayo naman po, ang galing magtagu-taguan.”

More on Gaddafi
At press time, rebels claim they have surrounded the compound of Colonel Gadhafi. However, there’s no word yet on the whereabouts of Colonels Gadhafi, Khaddafy, Qaddafi, Kadhafi, and Qaddafy.

Col. Moammar Gaddafi has ordered his men to fight until the end. The rebels have a backup plan though. If they lose this battle, they’ll demand a substate from the government.

Analysts believe that the fall of Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi could pull gas prices down. You know what else is going down because of Gadhafi? The cost of Botox!

Reports say Colonel Moammar Gadhafi is still in Tripoli. The embattled Libyan leader couldn’t leave the country because Justice Secretary Leila De Lima has placed him on the immigration watch list.

In an audio tape released to a local radio station, Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi said his fight against the rebels will end in victory or death. But oppositionists started to doubt the authenticity of the tape when Ignacio Bunye told them that there were in fact, two versions of the recording.

Steve Jobs has resigned. When Col. Moammar Gadhafi heard this, he asked, “Who’s the President of the United States now?”

Earthquake!
The eastern coast of the US was recently hit by a magnitude 5.8 earthquake. Yup, 5.8, or as the Japanese would say, “Zzzzz.”
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“At 15, life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice.”
~Maya Angelou

Quote of the Weak
“How can you be arrogant to say that? You have a long way to go as far as maturity and wisdom is concerned. Your kind of breed of public servant has no place in public service. Kami pag upo namin dito hiniram lang namin ito wala kaming karapatan maging arogante. Appointed official ka lang, ano karapatan mo maging arogante? Iwan mo pagiging spoiled brat mo sa bahay mo! Matuto ka maging humble!”
Zambales Rep. Milgaros “Mitos” Magsaysay to Communications Secretary Ricky Carandang

Personal
Thank you so much to everyone who supported me in the first ever Tatt Awards. Kayo ang tunay na winner para sa akin! Maraming salamat po! Winners will be announced Friday. Watch the program live online!

Have a great weekend!

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