CHRISTMAS AND POLITICS


APOLOGIES for the delayed post. It’s the Holiday Season people. Everyone is preoccupied with something: doing some last minute shopping, attending Christmas parties, reuniting with old friends, etc.

These days, people in the metro have the same schedule: 5 hours in the office or malls, 4 hours in traffic.

The Senate is holding a lavish Christmas celebration. Everyone is expected to attend… except for Chiz Escudero. The guy hates parties.

Guess who’ll be the busiest senator this Christmas! Who else but Loren Legarda. She’ll be hopping from party to party.

The Senate plans to recreate the Nativity Scene. Noynoy Aquino has been tapped to play the role of the Virgin.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ap-3NmqtWVvvXM:http://zedomax.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/manger3.jpg Sen. Manny Villar won’t play any part in the Nativity Scene but he volunteered to donate the house, the lot, and the manger.

For some reason, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile has rejected suggestions to let Senators Jamby Madrigal, Bong Revilla, and Lito Lapid to play the role of the three wise men.

Sen. Mar Roxas has repeatedly expressed interest to play the role of Joseph. But getting no support from his colleagues, he withdrew.

Eighty-two year old senator Joker Arroyo refused to take part in the activity. But that was understandable since Methuselah was never a part of the Nativity Scene.

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:I83Uad-jppqPnM:http://tn3-1.deviantart.com/fs12/300W/i/2006/310/b/b/The_3_wisemen_by_ephexiousone.jpg Not to be outdone, Malacañang is also recreating its own Nativity Scene. Virgilio Garcillano, Hermogenes Esperon, and Ronaldo Puno will portray the three kings. However, they are not expected to bring incense, gold, or myrrh. Instead, they will deliver… votes.

When Andal Ampatuan Jr. heard Malacañang’s plan, he sent a note to President Arroyo and volunteered his talent. He wanted to play the role of Herod so he could slaughter innocents.

The characters in the palace’s Nativity Scene were already complete when Mikey Arroyo angrily protested his exclusion. To pacify the presidential son, Malacañang people offered him a special but undemanding role. He’ll be the shit of a camel.

At the Lower House, congressmen couldn’t complete their own Nativity Scene. Nobody dared to play Jesus but everyone was qualified to play the role of an ass.

In Times Street, Sen. Noynoy Aquino has recreated his own Nativity Scene. His three wise men look dazed though because they’re following not just one but several stars.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:trsjBYaEZrJ0iM:http://andrewerrington.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/three-wise-men.jpg Just as confused are the Three Kings in Sen. Richard Gordon’s Bagumbayan Party’s Nativity Scene. The kings are having a hard time following the star because of several street signs that say: “Walang tawiran, nakamamatay.”

Back to Times Street, Noynoy Aquino had a difficult time finishing his Nativity Scene because Kris Aquino insisted on playing the role of the star.

In Polk Street, chaos marred the recreation of the Estradas’ Nativity Scene. Erap played the role of Joseph but everday, a different woman plays the role of Mary.

The Nativity Scene in Gilbert Teodoro‘s house was reportedly one of the most intricate, beautiful, and well-crafted recreations. Unfortunately, only 2 percent of his friends have seen it.

You can find all kinds of Christmas decors at the residence of environmentalist Nicanor Perlas except for the Nativity Scene. According to the Comelec, he doesn’t have the capability and the resources to create one.

The Villars’ Laurel mansion in Shaw Blvd. boasts of the most expensive decors. There are two six-foot Christmas trees, two giant Santa Clauses, and two life-size Nativity Scenes. A recent survey showed that Villar has narrowed the gap between him and Noynoy so expect a double celebration this Christmas!

Bro. Eddie Villanueva’s own Nativity Scene tops them all. Surrounding the infant Jesus are 5 million sheep!

Finally, the Communist Party of the Philippines produced perhaps the oddest of all Nativity Scene re-creations. Their wise men are in Congress, the shepherds are in the Sierra Madre mountains, and their God is in the Netherlands!

In other news…
Manny Pacquiao, endorser of top brands like Nike, Rexona, and SMB now endorses presidential candidate Manny Villar. Mr. Sipag at Tiyaga is Pacquiao’s only endorsement that is currently No. 2 in the market.

Photo of the Weak
Ito po ay isang malinaw na patunay na may kakayahang ngumiti ang isang aso.


_____________________
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
~Anonymous

This Just In! The Commission on Elections, particularly 2nd Division members Nicodemo Ferrer, Elias Yusoph and Lucenito Tagle have junked the proposal of 1st Division commissioners to put colorful Christmas decors in their office. Yusoph, Tagle, and Ferrer described the proposal as “so gay.”

Have a productive week ahead!

CONGRESSWOMAN

gma_cong GMA in Congress
According to reports, President Arroyo has decided to finally step down as president in 2010. She now wants to be a plain House wife.

And I heard the President is really excited to register a victory next year – if ever, her first since winning the vice presidency in 1998.

President Arroyo has reportedly decided run for a Congressional seat in her home province of Pampanga in 2010. But before she made the decision, she asked her political advisers, “Will I still lead by one million?”

Agrarian Reform Sec. Nasser Pangandaman yesterday revealed that President Arroyo often spoke about her plans of seeking a Congressional seat in Pampanga next year. Pangandaman said Mrs. Arroyo would always tell her political plans to her circle of close friends that includes him – until yesterday.

The confirmation that President Arroyo will run for Congress in 2010 neither came from the Chief Executive nor from her spokesmen. It was Nasser Pangandaman who disclosed the information. Just so you know, Pangandaman is the secretary of agrarian reform – as of press time.

Top 5 Rejected Slogans for President Arroyo’s Congressional Campaign in 2010

No. 5:
Ang tunay na Pampanga’s best ay ‘di ‘yang tocino
Kundi ang inyong lingkod, Congresswoman Arroyo!

No. 4:
Mga Arroyo sa Kamara ay hindi pa sapat
Dagdagan ng isa ang kasalukuyang apat!

No. 3:
Pork barrel ng Kongreso, handa kong ibasura
Hangga’t kakampi ko ang mga Pineda!

No. 2:
I will serve the community
For the sake of immunity!

And the No.1 rejected slogan for President Arroyo’s congressional campaign in 2010…

Presidente ngayon… kongresista bukas
Target: Prime Minister, isulong ang Con Ass!

rubyrose The Barrameda Murder
Of course, you’ve heard about the case of 26-year-old Ruby Rose Barrameda-Jimenez, sister of former actress and beauty queen Rochelle Barrameda. Ruby Rose’ decomposing body was found inside a drum which was poured with concrete. Yup! Dead, drum, and concrete. When the news of the gruesome killing came out, Sen. Panfilo Lacson immediately issued a statement denying any involvement.

Anti-CPP Agency Abolished
President Arroyo has abolished an inter-agency group formed to prosecute communist leaders. She came to that decision when she realized it’s difficult to prosecute members of the House of Representatives.

Da Who?
A TV program has an exclusive interview with a former sexy actress (FSA) in a Quezon City hospital. The interview was conducted when FSA sought medical treatment after being beaten black and blue by her abusive politician husband. FSA actually planned to file a complaint against him but a reporter-friend prevailed upon her to settle the row in private.
Clue No. 1: The cruel husband is a local government executive in a province adjacent to Metro Manila.
Clue No. 2: Cruel husband’s father (FSA’s father-in-law) has recently announced his intention to seek the presidency in 2010.
________
“Ambition is the last refuge of failure.”
~Oscar Wilde

Survey Says
Do you believe in presidential surveys?
Hell, NO: 71%
Sometimes: 22%
Absolutely, YES: 7%

We have a new and socially-relevant survey. Please vote now. Good luck!

BELO THE BELT

arroyobeauty Beauty 101
If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look for Bolante or Mike Arroyo, go to St. Luke’s.

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like the Alabang Boys, wear shades.

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like Manny Villar… that’ll be two Manny Villars? Double na naman?!?

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like Bino De La Paz, play golf with the Pangandamans.

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like Mar Roxas… p*tang-ina, seryoso ka? You wanna look like him?!?

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like a tech-savvy Communist, go to the Netherlands and give orders to your army via the Internet.

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like Jinggoy and Joseph Estrada, go to Ateneo.

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look like Mike Enriquez, go to La Salle.

If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. If you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo. But if you want to look invincible despite allegations of massive corruption? Go to hell!

boy-abunda-king-of-talk-01 Vicki vs. Boy
Interviewed on Showbiz Central last Sunday, Dr. Vicki Belo quipped, “If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan. But if you want to look like Dingdong or Piolo, go to Belo.” Boy Abunda felt insulted, and was hurt and shocked… mainly because the remark came from the same person who started his deterioration.

Vicki vs. Boy II
A (self-serving) survey conducted by ABS-CBN’s Showbiz News Ngayon on Tuesday night asked, “Amid the rivalry between Drs. Vicki Belo and Manny Calayan, kanino ka pupunta? (A) Belo (B) Calayan (C) None. The economy is so bad, the voters actually picked Ellen Lising. (‘Sing chaka pero ‘di ‘sing mahal!)

calayan Vicki vs. Boy III
In response to Dr. Vicki Belo’s controversial remark, Dr. Manny Calayan said, “There’s a simple reason to our ‘To C is to believe’ campaign and that’s more about inner beauty that’s from a good and sincere heart like Boy Abunda which transcends outward a person’s life and touches other’s people’s lives. And through that inner beauty, we see and believe in the beauty of other people and we believe in their goodness.”
For that statement alone, Dr. Manny Calayan automatically earned a Top 10 spot in next week’s Bb. Pilipinas pageant!

Vicki vs. Boy IV
Addressing Dr. Vicki Belo’s “insulting” remark, TV host Boy Abunda said, “We had more good times than bad. This is not the Vicki I know.” That was the same sentiment echoed by Vicki Belo’s… mirrors.
—————–
Survey Says…
Did you play the Super Lotto last week?
Results:
Yes: 43%
No: 39%
No need. I’m rich!: 14%
Bawal sa sekta ko: 3%
Others: 1%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.
__________________
“People say I’m extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?”
~Imelda Marcos

SORRY!

Late!
It felt like forever. Finally, after six long days I was able to update this blog. I would like to apologize for the late update. I was really busy the past few days. Again… I am very sorry. I know some people would be disappointed with the delayed apology. But come on guys. Mine took only six days, Cory waited for seven years!

Speaking of Cory and her apology to deposed president Joseph Estrada last week, her son, Sen. Noynoy Aquino said it was just a joke. In fact, it was the second funniest joke Cory has ever delivered – the first one being Kris.

Former president Cory Aquino has drawn flak from lawmakers and civil society groups for saying sorry to deposed president Joseph Estrada. Sen. Mar Roxas believed though Cory would have avoided the criticisms had she said, “Putang-ina mo Erap, pinapatawad na kita.”

SWS Survey
A pre-Christmas survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations showed that the four most anticipated food for ordinary Filipinos in the Yuletide feast were “lechon,” salad, spaghetti and ham. Among Filipino lawmakers though, the top answer was pork.


Communists@40
The Communist Party of the Philippines, who’s been trying to overthrow the government since 1968, marked its 40th anniversary on Friday, December 26. Wow! They’re like celebrating 40 consecutive years of failure! Amazing!

On its 40th anniversary last Friday, the Communist Party of the Philippines unveiled its 5-year insurgency plan. For 2009: Torch at least 20 Globe cell sites in the provinces. And for 2010: Elect five more party-list representatives to Congress.

On its 40th anniversary last Friday, the Communist Party of the Philippines unveiled its 5-year insurgency plan. Nope, contrary to rumors, the plan does not include getting a new party leader who’d be willing to face the enemy right here in the Philippines.

joma Joma’s Facebook
CPP-NPA founding chair Jose Maria Sison has opened an account in the social networking site Facebook. His Facebook status? “Joma is having a great time in Europe.”

This just in: Rumors say New People’s Army spokesperson Gregorio “Ka Roger” Rosal has also created a Facebook account. His status? “Ka Roger is kinda inggit at Ka Joma but fully understands the situation.”

DOH vs. Firecrackers belo
The Department of Health will use ‘scare’ ads to discourage the use of firecrackers during the New Year’s Eve revelry. One of the print ads will show a close-up of Vicki Belo’s face.

_________
Apologizing – a very desperate habit – one that is rarely cured. Apology is only egotism wrong side out.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Professor at the Breakfast-Table

SICK


Long Holiday
Residents of Metro Manila are taking advantage of the three-day weekend by going out of the city for rest and recreation. It’s also the best time for Filipinos to visit the provinces while they’re still part of the Philippines.

President, Sick?
Reports say a combination of dinuguan and bilu-bilo downed President Arroyo last week. Militant congressmen are filing a bill to officially name both dinuguan and bilu-bilo “mga pambansang pagkain ng Pilipinas.”

President Arroyo attended a barangay fiesta in Lubao, Pampanga on Saturday dismissing rumors she was struck with an illness. In fact, just to prove she was as healthy as ever, the president gamely participated in the indigenous games held at the fiesta. Wearing a hula skirt… pumayag siyang maging sipa.

CPP-MILF Alliance
Self-exiled communist leader Jose Maria Sison proposed an alliance between the CPP-NPA and the Moro Islamic Liberation Front. MILF leaders vowed to consider the proposal on one condition – that both groups would have equal number of representatives in Congress.

Plaza Miranda Bombing
August 21, 2008 marks the 31st anniversary of the Plaza Miranda bombing. The CPP-NPA will also be celebrating on that day as it marks the 31st year of denying it had a hand in the bombing.

PDEA Watch List
A Philippine Daily Inquirer report says a grandson of a former president and a male multimedia personality are on the watch list of the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency for cocaine and ecstasy abuse and dependency. When Borgy Manotoc read the article, he immediately phoned Imee Marcos and asked, “Mom, is lolo a former a president?”

PDEA Watch List II
A Philippine Daily Inquirer report says a grandson of a former president and a male multimedia personality are on the watch list of the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency for cocaine and ecstasy abuse and dependency. When Tim Yap read the article, he exclaimed, “Malinis ang konsensya ko. Hindi dating pangulo ang aking lolo. At lalo namang hindi ako ‘yong multimedia personality. Look! It’s says there o, male. Hello?!?”

STATE OF THE NATION, A DRESS

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GMA’s Sona Attire
Malacañang says President Arroyo will wear an eco-friendly gown when she delivers the State of the Nation Address on Monday. Created by fashion designer JC Buendia, the dress will be a blend of silk and pineapple fibers. Buendia has denied allegations that the gown has been found to contain traces of endosulfan.

GMA’s Sona Attire II
President Arroyo will wear a pink gown when she delivers her 8th State of the Nation Address on Monday. Malacañang dismissed rumors that MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando had a hand in choosing her gown.

null GMA’s Sona Attire III
The president will wear a pink gown when she delivers her SONA on Monday. She has been strongly advised not to walk anywhere near Edsa lest male passersby mistake her for MMDA’s pink urinal.

GMA’s Sona Attire IV
President Arroyo will wear an eco-friendly gown when she delivers her State of the Nation Address on Monday in accordance with her campaign to protect the environment. And to show her concern for the recently reported endangerment and extinction of half of the country’s fauna, she has assured the attendance of the First Gentleman, Dato, Mikey, and Luli Arroyo.

GMA’s Sona Attire V
President Arroyo will wear an eco-friendly gown when she delivers her State of the Nation Address on Monday. With a negative 38 approval rating from a skeptical citizenry, the only friendship she has left is with nature and she’s trying to preserve it.

null
JDV’s Wife and GMA’s Sona
After seven years of attending and applauding President Arroyo’s State of the Nation Address, Gina De Venecia, wife of former House speaker Jose de Venecia Jr. will snub the event and join militant groups in the anti-GMA rally on Monday. The situation could be tense but both Mrs. De Venecia’s camp and the leftist groups’ camp have vowed to exercise maximum tolerance… on “kaplastikan.”

JDV’s Wife and GMA’s Sona II
Mrs. Gina De Venecia says she will not attend President Arroyo’s State of the Nation Address… mainly because she couldn’t accept the fact that her husband JDV will surely get less TV exposure this time.

JDV’s Wife and GMA’s Sona III
Mrs. Gina De Venecia, wife of ousted House Speaker Jose De Venecia, announced that she would not attend President Arroyo’s State of the Nation Address on Monday. May nagtanong ba?

Pro-Life Rally
Some 12,000 pro-life supporters led by 15 bishops staged a prayer rally in Manila to affirm their commitment to a Vatican decree against artificial birth control. A surprise guest speaker, Manny Pacguiao told the crowd, “Let’s follow God’s teachings… to go forth and multiply.” And then added, “’Wag na Friendster.”

Comelec Rules vs. Miriam null
Dismissing a petition filed by Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago, the Commission on Elections has ruled that politicians who appear in advertisements, including billboards, and have expressed their intention to run for the 2010 elections are not committing any offence. Unless of course you’re Loren Legarda who has chosen to endorse a fake drug.

null NPA in NCR?
The Communist Party of the Philippines denied that it has deployed NPA rebels in Metro Manila to blow up establishments and assassinate key government officials including the president… which is possibly true because the strength of the NPA rebels has considerably waned, the only enemy they can actually kill are the lowly security guards in Globe cell sites that they love to blow up.

“Katas ng VAT”
President Arroyo launched “Katas ng VAT: Tulong Para Kay Lolo at Lola” in Pasig City yesterday. Some 1,000 elderly poor were the first recipients of the P500 cash gift. The lolos and the lolas couldn’t hide their excitement. They can finally change their week-old diapers.

BODY OF CHRIST…

null Cruz and the Holy Communion

Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Oscar Cruz said the other day, “public sinners” should not be given the Holy Sacrament of Communion including, he said, President Arroyo. Sought for her reaction, the president allegedly promised that from this day on she will just commit sins… in private.

Cruz and the Holy Communion II

Archbishop Oscar Cruz denied telling in a forum Wednesday that he would not give communion to President Arroyo and explained that the media misinterpreted his statement… something that’s not exactly surprising considering that Cruz and the local media are on the same side of the fence.

null Communist Directive

On the eve of its armed wing’s 39th anniversary, the Communist Party of the Philippines ordered the New People’s Army’s to “increase the number of guerrilla fronts from the current level of 120-130 to 173, to cover all congressional districts in the provinces.” And in case it fails, the CPP will just try to cover all congressional districts through the party-list elections.

null Brian Gorrell’s Blog

ABS-CBN News Online posted an article today on the controversial blog of Australian swindling victim Brian Gorrell. The title of the article is: “Online libel: Aussie blogger’s victims are helpless” The Lopez network calls it “news,” Brian’s readers call it “damage control.”

Brian Gorrell’s Blog II

ABS-CBN News posted an article today on the controversial blog of Australian swindling victim Brian Gorrell. The article is titled, “Online libel: Aussie blogger’s victims helpless”
The Gucci Gang? Helpless victims? Wait… I’ll have to check if ABS-CBN News Online has turned into a humor blog.

Enjoy your weekend!