BRAWLS


FORMER PRESIDENT Joseph Estrada has transferred to his new home in Manila. An hour later, Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim was spotted spray-painting the new house with the words, “Hindi taga-Maynila. Huwag tularan.”

Ex-president Joseph Estrada has left his residence in San Juan. Aboard his famous jeep, an emotional Erap was heard shouting, “That’s all Polk!”

Former president Joseph Estrada is preparing for his mayoral bid in Manila. Meanwhile, Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim is preparing his concession speech to Estrada.

NAIA Brawl
Cebu Pacific released a statement saying it was saddened by the incident at NAIA Terminal 3 last Sunday. The airline has been releasing “saddened” statements for years, it’s officially in a state of depression.

Budget carrier Cebu Pacific explained that a piece of Claudine Barretto’s luggage was offloaded in an effort to shed as much excess weight for the plane to clear the runway. But the airline’s ground crew got a tongue lashing from Claudine when it was revealed later that the original plan was to offload the actress.


Raymart Santiago and Claudine Barretto filed a case against journalist Ramon Tulfo at the Pasay City Prosecutor’s Offfice. Curious court employees left their tables to catch a glimpse of the celebrity couple. Surprisingly, nobody dared to use a cellphone to take photos of them.

The good news is TV5 has suspended brothers Erwin, Raffy, and Ben Tulfo for their “uncalled for” behavior on live TV last Monday. The bad news: They now have plenty of time to hunt down Raymart Santiago and Claudine Barretto.

Outspoken Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz advised Ramon Tulfo, Raymart Santiago and Claudine Barretto to settle their conflict diplomatically. Tulfo, Santiago and Barreto advised the bishop to keep his opinion to himself.

Senatorial aspirant and incumbent Zambales Rep. Mitos Magsaysay released a statement saying the Tulfo/Santiago/Barretto NAIA brawl could discourage tourists from traveling to the country… while similar “papansin” statements from politicians could discourage Filipinos from electing them to the Senate.

This just in: Iraq has been named the most dangerous place in the world today. In second place was NAIA Terminal 3.

Freudian Slip?
A news anchor for China Central Television stated on live TV that the Philippines is “China’s inherent territory and the Philippines belongs to Chinese sovereignty.” Oh, I see! Now that explains why the sari-sari store owner gave me 25 yuan as change this morning.

He Jia, a news anchor for China Central Television accidentally stated on live TV that the Philippines was a Chinese territory. My gad! She just revealed Beijing’s sinister plan! Prepare for war!

Loren on Politics & Love
Sen. Loren Legarda says she’s no longer interested in running for higher office. To which, ‘higher office’ said, “Thank you.”

Asked by ABS-CBN News if she’d go out with younger men, Sen. Loren Legarda said, “I’m not a cougar.” Tell us something we don’t know.

Actor/Pol in Trouble
Actor and incumbent Quezon City Councilor Roderick Paulate is facing administrative and criminal charges for allegedly hiring “ghost employees.” Avid supporters of Paulate came to his defense though, and promised the actor, “We’ll never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down. Together, forever!

Suspended
Controversial radio host Mohan Gumatay aka Mo Twister was suspended by Magic 89.9 for starting the “objectionable” hashtag #charicepempengcosextape on Twitter. A repentant Gumatay is expected to upload an emotional apology to Charice on YouTube.

Mo Twister has been suspended for starting the offensive hashtag #charicepempengcosextape on Twitter. In totally unrelated news, Rhian Ramos is throwing a party. #walaLang #GustoLangNiya
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“We often give our enemies the means of our own destruction.”
~Aesop

Quotes Quiz: Who said…
[1] “I was a virgin until I was 26 years old!”
A: Annabelle Rama
B: President Aquino
C: Amalia Fuentes
D: Cong. Jules Ledesma

[2] “Ipagdasal mo, hijo de p*ta ka! Huwag lang tayong magkita sa mall, ipagdasal mo iyan. Tumirik ka ng kandila mula ngayon, huwag mag-krus ang landas natin, p*tang-i*a ka!”
A: Ben Tulfo
B: Raffy Tulfo
C: Erwin Tulfo
D: P*tang-i*a! Eh hindi naman ako nanonood ng p*tang-in*ang show nila eh, paano ko malalaman hijo de p*ta ka!?!

You Have Spoken
Sa naganap na NAIA 3 brawl, sinong dapat sisihin?
-‘Yong mag-asawang Barretto-Santiago at si Tulfo. Dapat may kontrol sila. They’re public figures. 43.4%
– Cebu Pacific’s poor service. 29.43%
– Wala akong pakialam. Busy ako. 27.17%

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Quotes Quiz Answers:
[1] C
[2] B ang answer p*tang-i*a!

UNDAS 2011


IT’S THAT ANNUAL tradition again. We remember the dead by visiting them in memorial parks. They actually have an option to visit the living but few people are happy with the idea.

Unfortunately, the Arroyos cannot just leave their homes and go to the cemetery. I heard Justice Secretary Leila De Lima wanted them to seek permission first.

Every Filipino Catholic family is expected to visit their dearly departed in the cemetery. Take that Marcos family!

Trick or treating is a Halloween tradition observed around the world. Yesterday, children in costumes visited the Times Street residence of President Aquino. The President gave candies and toys to every kid except for one who’s infamously known in neighborhood for being rebellious. So instead of candies and toys, the President gave him P5M.

This coming week, President Aquino will go to Manila Memorial Park to visit his parents. Susan Roces will be at the Manila North Cemetery to visit FPJ. Migs Zubiri will also go the cemetery to visit his political career.


Reports say the cost of flowers have gone up yet again. Militants are upset. Saying the price increase was unjust and anti-poor, they denounced the Big 3: Chrysanthemum, Orchids, and Roses.

Every Undas season, people love talking about scary places in the Philippines. There’s Quezon City’s Balete Drive; Baguio City’s Laperal White House, and the latest but scariest place of them all, the MILF’s “area of temporary stay.”

Also during Undas, people love sharing really scary stories. Here’s mine: Jacinto and Erlinda Ligot who have been ordered arrested for tax evasion are now missing! Awooooo!

IN THE NEWS…
The Department of Justice has indicted director and almost National Arist Carlo J. Caparas for tax evasion. I wonder when will he be indicted for making those awful movies.

Claudine/Raymart
Celebrity couple Claudine Barretto and Raymart Santiago have released a joint statement denying rumors they have separated. Claudine and Raymart insist they are committed to their marriage, to their children, and  to their product endorsements.

Claudine Barretto and Raymart Santiago have released a joint statement. A few weeks from now, Raymart is expected to “withdraw” the statement.
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“I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.”
~Bob Monkhouse

iGuess No. 1:
An incumbent member of the House of Representatives is showcasing strangeness on Twitter. It’s as if a person of multiple personalities has been posting those tweets. Weird. Is this congressperson on drugs?

iGuess No. 2:
A recent confrontation between a famous couple turned nasty. Wifey tried to attack hubby with a bladed weapon. Hubby tried to defend self. The fight was witnessed by one of wifey’s siblings who happened to be visiting the couple. Sibling tried to pacify incensed sister and was hurt instead. Hubby rushed sibling-in-law to the hospital. Clues: Wifey is related to a politician. Hubby is ‘from” South America.

Personal
October 29, 2011: Happy birthday to Mr. Eugenio Abunda Jr. You’re the best Kuya Boy! Maraming salamat!

Have fun! Enjoy your long weekend! Take care!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

5M

IT’S ALMOST NOVEMBER! It’s the season of bonuses! Have you received yours? The MILF just got theirs!

In case you missed my tweet this morning: The mystery behind Claudine Barretto’s missing bank deposit (P5M) has been solved. It was allegedly withdrawn by government peace panel chair Marvic Leonen and donated to the Moro Islamic Liberation Front!

Malacañang said the P5M given to the MILF was intended for the Bangsamoro Leadership and Management Institute (BLMI). The BLMI is where the MILF will train future Moro leaders who will fight the future government for a future substate.

Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda says the government will ask the MILF to account for the amount it gave the rebel group last August. I’m sure it will be easy for the MILF to liquidate 5 milion pesos. It only took them minutes to liquidate 19 soldiers.

MILF vice chair for political affairs Ghadzali Jaafar insists the 5 million pesos “donated” by the government to the MILF is still intact. ‘k.

Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi and President Aquino now have something in common. They donated funds to the MILF rebels.

Gaddafi
Less than a week after his body was stored in a freezer, Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi was buried. Take that Ferdinand Marcos!

Colonel Moammar Gadhafi has been buried. But die-hard supporters couldn’t find his grave. Filipinos have a term for that: “Undas.”

Watch List
The Department of Justice has issued another watchlist order against former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and former First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo. The couple will not be allowed to leave the country sans the approval of the DOJ. Sources say the Arroyos are getting frustrated. They want some respect, consideration, and tolerance from the government. Hence, their plan to join the MILF.

State Visit
Vietnamese President Truong Tan Sang had a bilateral meeting with President Aquino in Malacañang Wednesday afternoon. Tan Sang is in the country for a three-day state visit. Now that explains why palace-based presidential speechwriter Mai Mislang is on a three-day leave of absence.

The President of Vietnam is in the country. Last night, he tweeted that the wine served by President Aquino didn’t suck and that “marami palang pogi dito.”

Clinton in Manila
US Secretary of State Hilary Rodham-Clinton will meet with President Aquino in Manila on November 15. This early, the President is being warned. Hillary hates cigars.

Pop Talk
The Philippines is the 12th most populous country in the world. Therefore, we are the 12th horniest people on earth. Congratulations!

According to the UN Population Fund, China has the biggest population at 1.3 billion, followed by India at 1.24 billion. In third place is Ramon Revilla Sr’s household.

Alcohol Poisoning
A British coroner ruled that Amy Winehouse drank herself to death. And Executive Secretary Paquito Ochoa was like, “Don’t worry. I know my limits.”

Anti- ‘Anti-Smoking Ban”
A Mandaluyong RTC judge has issued an injunction against the MMDA’s anti-smoking campaign. Critics say it was a victory for tobacco companies. Or as the judge would call it, “bonus!”

Sentenced
For illegally disbursing 21 million pesos in government funds, former ARMM Governor Zacaria Candao has been sentenced to 153 years in prison. If it’s any consolation, Candao will be locked up in a prison cell with a convict identified as Michael Scofield.

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“A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit.”
~John C. Maxwell

Quotes of the Week
“I think ‘all-out justice’ are just words. The President is trying not the use ‘all-out war’ because it will definitely cause some furor among different sectors. But what does all-out justice really mean?”
~Sen. Francis Joseph Escudero

“The watchlist order which has the effect of a hold departure order is illegal. To me, the watchlist order that encroaches on the right of a person to travel is contrary to the Constitution.”
~Sen. Franklin Drilon on the watchlist order issued by the DOJ vs. CGMA et al.

Elsewhere
GMA News: MMDA sets up smoking areas on EDSA, Commonwealth

How big was the world when you were born? Find out here. This is fun and informative.

Phil. Daily Inquirer: Fast Facts: The World Population

You Have Spoken
The President has spoken. Ikaw, anong stand mo sa problema natin sa MILF?
-All-out war! All out justice! 64.47%
-Peace talks! All-out justice! 25%
-Thinking… 10.53%

Happy Holidays! Stay safe. Spread the love.

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