“All we hear is
lawyers are gaga
lawyers are gago
lawyers are gaga
All we hear is
lawyers are gaga
lawyers are blah blah”
~Lawyers (Inspired by Queen)

I MISSED DAY 26 of the Corona Impeachment Trial because I watched a movie called ‘This Means War.’ I felt like a loser after when I learned that a real war happened inside the impeachment court.

Apparently, senator-judge Miriam Defensor-Santiago used the word “gago” and “mayabang” to describe the prosecution panel. To which, prosecutors protested, “With all due respect, hindi po kami mayabang!”

Private prosecutor Vitaliano Aguirre insists he’s had enough of Senator Santiago’s lectures and criticisms, he opted to cover his ears… which totally surprised everyone who was instead expecting Niel Tupas to cover his face.

The decision of the senator-judges was unanimous. Private prosecutor Vitaliano Aguirre was cited for contempt… for looking like an idiot on nationwide TV.

Private prosecutor Vitaliano Aguirre was cited for contempt for disrespecting a member of the impeachment court. Under the rules, Aguirre may be ordered to pay a fine of 2,000 pesos, imprisoned for no more than 10 days, or forced to listen to “The Best Of Miriam’s Mad Moments Volume 1.”

Vitaliano Aguirre, a volunteer lawyer for the prosecution panel covered his ears while senator-judge Miriam Defensor-Santiago was lecturing the prosecution panel. Aguirre’s gesture of covering his ears while being berated seemed shocking and unusual to everyone… except for his wife.

Top 7 Movie Remakes Starring Vitaliano Aguirre and Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

No. 7: There’s Something About Miriam

No. 6: Wah of the Words

No. 5: Dr. Zhivgago

No. 4: Kung Fu Malag Ka

No. 3: Kahit Contempt Pagtingin

No. 2: The Day the Ear Stood Still

And the No. 1 movie remake starring Atty. Vitaliano Aguirre and Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago…

The Pest and the Furious

On Thursday, March 1, lawyer Vitaliano Aguirre quit the prosecution panel. He also apologized to Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago for hurting her feelings. There’s no word yet on whether Santiago will apologize to Aguirre for hurting his eardrum.

The International Criminal Court has allowed Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago to defer her scheduled March 9 oath-taking at The Hague, Netherlands. And the prosecution panel was like, “Hell, no!”

The ICC has allowed Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago to defer her scheduled March 9 oath-taking in the Netherlands. Even the ICC’s afraid of her.

The Bar
Christopher John Lao, the UP Law grad who drove his car into an inundated road last year has passed the bar. His cellphone as well as his Facebook & Twitter timelines were flooded with congratulatory messages.

On Twitter, Chris Lao expressed his gratitude to those who supported & prayed for him. The ecstatic new lawyer thanked everyone… except for GMA News’ Jun Veneracion.

For the first time in 27 years, not a single UP Law grad made it to the list of Top 10 bar passers. And Renato Corona was like, ‘Don’t look at me!”

Rodolfo Aquino, a UP professor who finished law at San Beda Alabang placed 10th. Aquino is 64 years old. He’s the Christopher Plummer of last year’s bar exam.

Reports say Annabelle Rama and former TV executive Wilma Galvante have kissed and made up. That’s bad news… for their lawyers.

Lindsay Lohan is reportedly coming to Manila. Ang susunod na foreign artist ay Rated SPG.

FHM Racist?
I’m sure you’ve seen the alleged “racist” cover of FHM Philippines. Do you know Bela Padilla? Yeah, me neither.
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”
~Albert Einstein

Quotes of the Day
“Nagbibiro ba kayo? In writing na ang compliance n’yo! Pagkatapos, sasabihin ninyo, our case is very strong and we will never want to present evidence? Ang yayabang n’yo! Puro gago naman. Kagaguhan is ground for contempt.”
~Senator-judge Miriam Defensor-Santiago

“I did it purposely kasi totoo naman pong shrill ang voice na nasasaktan ang tenga ko. Dapat po ang judges, kahit kami ay hamak lamang na prosecutor dito, ang importante po sa tao ay respeto. Kung nagdi-demand ka ng respeto, dapat ay respetuhin mo rin ang abogado dito. ‘YOng human dignity, wala pong katulad ‘yan.”
~Private prosecutor Vitaliano Aguirre

“The caption was meant for the article and not for the picture.”
~Bela Padilla on her controversial FHM cover

Have a great weekend!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.


BEFORE YOU read any further, I would like to INFORM you that some of the items on this blog may not please you. Should you decide to read on, and realize later that this wasn’t amusing enough, please do not blame me, the bystanders, the MMDA or the reporter who recommended you this site. You’ve been warned.

De Lima Apologizes
Justice Secretary Leila De Lima apologized to First Gentleman Mike Arroyo for declaring that he did not go through immigration when he left the country last Sunday. De Lima lamented, “I wasn’t fully informed! It’s as if Immigration people were waiting for me to do just that: commit a mistake!”

Earlier last week, Justice Secretary Leila De Lima told the media that the Bureau of Immigration has no record of Attorney Arroyo leaving for Hong Kong last Sunday. In fact, prior to the discovery of the Immigration Bureau’s spelling error, the DOJ announced six new witnesses to prove that Arroyo did not go through immigration.

Immediately after learning that a subordinate fed the wrong information on Attorney Arroyo’s trip to Hong Kong, Justice Secretary De Lima apologized. To prove her sincerity, De Lima has placed the subordinate on the immigration watch list.

Justice Secretary Leila De Lima said, “If the first gentleman is seeking for my apology then I’m humbly doing it.” To which Hubert Webb said, “Eh sa ‘kin, kailan?”

Japan Meeting
A secret meeting was recently held in Tokyo, Japan between Moro Islamic Liberation Front chair Al Haj Murad Ebrahim and the new chairman of the government peace panel, Benigno Simeon Aquino III.

Reports say the President’s trip to Japan was unannounced and unofficial. It was so secret the Bureau of Immigration has no record of his departure.

This just in: Malacañang has denied rumors that President Aquino secretly left last night for Utrecht, The Netherlands.

Lao & Order
Much has been said about last week’s Internet sensation, Christopher Lao. The UP Law graduate has already apologized… earning praise from friends who believe that he could be Justice Secretary someday.

GMA News is promoting the responsible use of social media through its campaign called “Think Before You Click.” Meanwhile, the MMDA will soon promote the responsible use of cars through its campaign called “Think Before You Drive… Through A Flood.”

August Weather
PAGASA says two to three tropical cyclones are expected to enter the Philippine Area of Responsibility this month. Flashfloods and landslides are possible. People are advised to avoid low-lying zones, flood-prone areas, and Jun Veneracion.

The Christopher Lao Incident: How they reacted

President Aquino: “Kung puwede lang ho sana ay ibalato n’yo na lang kay Mr Lao ang konting privacy na natitira sa kanya.”

Manny Pacquiao: “Nasa Baybul kasi ‘yun. Sabi sa Mateo Kapitulu Katursi, Bersikulu Binti-Singku: Nang madaling araw na’y sumunod sa kanila si Hisus na naglalakad sa ibabaw ng tubig!” Now you know! Nasa Baybul sabi eh.”

Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri: “For honor and dignity.”

President Arroyo: “He did what’s right, he did what’s best, and God took care of the resht.”

Virgilio Garcillano: “Bakit?!? Inamin ba ni Christopher Lao na siya ang nasa video? Ang totoo n’yan… spliced ang video!”

Atty. Edwin Lacierda: “At the end of the day, what’s important is he survived the ordeal.”

Bishop Teodoro Bacani: “Kadiri!”

Atty. Mike Arroyo: “This is plain and simple persecution. You are persecuting him!”

Sharon Cuneta: “Wala pong duda mga kaibigan, he is the biggest loser.”

Kris Aquino: “Gosh, shocked talaga ako sa video. I was like… OMG! He’s kinda cute pa naman! Promise! Aha-ha-ha! Ayoko na ngang mag-comment. Baka mag-react na naman si James at sabihing malandi ako. Wait! Bettina, can you ask Boy if puwedeng iguest ‘tong Lao na ‘to sa Bottomline next week!? I swear, magri-rate to!”

Amanda Coling: “Hindi ko po sinasabing mali o tama ang ginawa ni Christopher Lao. Kung pwede po sana, ayoko munang pag-usapan kung anuman ang nangyari.”

Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos: “Dear Congresswoman Arroyo, Christopher Lao really needs a brand new car, possibly a 4 x 4. On his behalf, I will be anticipating your favorable response on this regard.”

Shocking Zubiri
Some people are still in shock after Senator Juan Miguel Zubiri’s resignation. Arguably, he was last week’s biggest newsmaker. What’s more remarkable was the fact that he made news without even trying to drive through a flooded street.

The Arroyos
Good news for the former First Gentleman who’s still in Hong Kong: his wife, the former president has been discharged from St. Luke’s Medical Center Friday. In even better news for FG, Mrs. Arroyo was advised to rest her voice for at least a week.

According to a study on suicides conducted by Maria Theresa Redaniel, May Antonnette Lebanan-Dalida, David Gunnell, the most common reasons for self harm in the Philippines were family and relationship problems. In number 2 was the government’s anti-corruption witch-hunt.

UPCAT 2011
Some 70,000 high school seniors, perhaps the largest batch in history, took the UP College Admission Test. The five-hour examination consists of subtests on language proficiency, mathematics, science, reading comprehension… and just for this batch, common sense.

US President Barack Obama celebrated his 50th birthday recently. He started the day by personally renewing his license at the LTO.
“Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.”

You Have Spoken
Ano ang reaksyon mo sa pagbibitiw ni Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri?
-Isang kapuri-puring hakbang. Mabuhay ka! 28.67%
-Guilty kasi! Graceful exit lang ‘yan. 50%
-Wala akong pakialam. Mababa pa rin ang suweldo ko. 21.33%

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Have a safe, sexy, and productive week ahead!


Quarterly Quiz
Test your knowledge of current events. No Googling please! Don’t cheat. Politicians hate competition. Good luck!

1: “If it’s a fight he wants, a fight he will get.” Sino ang nagbitiw ng linyang ito earlier this week?
A: Sen. Tito Sotto to Sen. Kiko Pangilinan kaugnay ng 2004 election fraud
B: Albay Gov. Joey Salceda to DOST Sec. Graciano Yumul matapos panindigan ng PAGASA na tama ang weather forecast nila sa Albay
C: Twitter War II: Patutsada ni Zambales Rep. Mitos Magsaysay, a staunch-Arroyo ally kay Sec. Ricky Carandang
D: Former First Gentleman Mike Arroyo to Sen. Panfilo Lacson matapos ibunyag ng senador ang umano’y maanomalyang bentahan ng helicopter sa PNP

2: Malacañang defended President Aquino’s recent appointment of Lt. Gen. Gaudencio Pangilinan as new director of the Bureau of Corrections. Si Pangilinan ay nahaharap sa kasong pandarambong o plunder. Ano ang depensa ni palace spokesman Atty. Edwin Lacierda?
A: “It’s the president’s prerogative to appoint people that he trusts.”
B: “Kung inyong mapapansin, mga miyembro lang naman ng oposisyon ang nag-iingay laban sa appointment ni General Pangilinan.”
C: “He is presumed innocent until proven guilty.”
D: “Eh ‘di magsumbong kayo sa lolo n’yong panot.”

3: Sino ang pinakamataas ng pinuno ng Commission on Higher Education o CHEd?
A: Weh? May CHEd pa pala?!? ‘Di nga?!?
B: Atty. Julito Vitriolo
C: Seryosong tanong ba ‘yan? May CHEd pa ba talaga?
D: Dr. Patricia Licuanan

4: “Kasi tingnan mo o, who will tell me? Who will tell me? Really! Did you guys even tell me? Wala eh. Nobody even stopped. Nobody informed. It’s like people were waiting for somebody to just do that. Bakit ako? ‘Di ba? Dapat i-inform, i-inform! I should have been informed, ‘yun lang ‘yun!” Sino ang nagsabi nito?
A: Malay ko! We don’t have people like that in our school. Go Ateneo! One Big Fight!
B: Ayokong sagutin! Eh kung maakusahan ako ng bullying?
C: I don’t know! Nobody informed me who that is.
D: Isa lang ang masasabi ko. Mananalo ang UP against UST on Sunday! Let’s go UP!

5: Sa kanyang State of the Nation Address, nabanggit ni Pangulong Aquino ang pangalang “Ginang Escasa.” Sino siya?
A: Dating OFW na umuwi, nagnegosyo, at nagtagumpay
B: Dati niyang teacher
C: Dating Pagcor employee turned whistleblower (P1-B coffee)
D: Dati niyang crush na nag-asawa na

6: Kung hahanapin mo ang babaeng nasa larawan, saan mo siya posibleng matagpuan?
A: St. Luke’s Medical Center
B: Office of the Communications Group
C: PCSO Office
D: ABS-CBN Newsroom

7: Kumpletuhin ang tweet ni palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda kamakailan: “_____________ is a liar then, he is a liar now.”
A: Garci
B: Genuino
D: Bedol

8: Kababalik lamang ni Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez sa kaniyang bansa matapos itong sumailalim sa chemoteraphy. Where?
A: North Korea
B: Japan
C: Cuba
D: Brazil

9: Sa balitang napamahal ang bili niya sa kanyang bagong property sa Forbes Park, Makati City, ano ang reaksyon ni Cong. Manny Pacquiao?
A. “Ipapagpasa-Diyos ko na lang.”
B: “Kung nalamangan ako, eh di kasalanan ko na nagpalamang ako!”
C: “Intriga lang ‘yan. Hindi totoo ‘yan.”
D: “Pera lang naman ‘yan. Kikitain ko pa rin naman.”

10: Ayon sa 2011 Forbes Billionaires list, sino ang pinakamayamang Pilipino?
A: Lucio Tan
B: John Gokongwei Jr.
C: Jaime Zobel De Ayala
D: Henry Sy

11: Sino sa mga sumusunod ang may misis na former Bb. Pilipinas-Universe?
A: Atty. Koko Pimentel
B: Sen. Migz Zubiri
C: Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV
D: Atty. Edwin Lacierda

12: Kung gusto mong makausap ang lalaki sa larawan, sino ang dapat mong tawagan?
A: Amanda Coling
B: Nora Aunor
C: Charo Santos
D: Vice Ganda
“Yes, there are times when something is legitimately not our fault. Blaming others, however, keeps us in a stuck state and is ultimately rough on our own self-esteem.”
– Eric Allenbaugh

Enjoy your weekend!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

To the UP Fighting Maroons, good luck on your game against UST on Sunday! UP Fight!

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