CONGRATULATIONS to the Dallas Mavericks – the 2010-2011 NBA world champions. Did you see the live telecast of the game Monday morning? When the final buzzer sounded, the Mavericks erupted in wild jubilation. One awkward moment though, during the celebration – Chavit Singson appeared, and joined Team Dallas inside the court.

Congratulations also to Dirk Nowitzki, the Finals MVP. During the post-game party, Paris Hilton showed up, introduced herself to Dirk, exchanged cellphone numbers with his wife, Jinkee Nowitzki and promised to visit Germany in three months.

The Weiner Saga
Reports say New York Rep. Anthony Weiner is seriously considering resignation. In case he decides to quit, a possible replacement would be his younger brother, Ryan Singson Weiner.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney says President Obama finds Cong. Anthony Weiner “a distraction.” Of course, Obama would have been more supportive of Weiner if they were shooting buddies.

Military Training
From June 28 to July 8, Philippine Navy vessels and US marine warships will participate in naval training exercises in the waters east of Palawan. It’s a joint undertaking between a country that China enjoys to bully, and the Philippines.

Not Again!
Jerzon Senador, a teenager from Calamba, Laguna has drawn the ire of animal lovers and animal rights activists after hanging his pet dog on a clothesline using clippers, and posting a photo of the wet puppy on Facebook. Senador has since apologized. His parents has dismissed rumors their son was an incoming physics major in UP Diliman.

Actor Stabbed
Actor-director Ricky Rivero was stabbed by a 22-year-old guy he invited to his apartment unit Sunday night. Rivero reportedly met the former NCAA volleyball varsity on Facebook five months ago. Immediately after the stabbing incident, Rivero changed his Facebook status from “In A Relationship” to “It’s Complicated.”

Makabagong Kasabihan
Modern sayings & proverbs inspired by some famous people in politics and government

Land Transportation Chief Virginia Torres
Magpakahaba-haba man ang suspensyon
Sa LTO pa rin ang tuloy.

Cong. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
Ang taong nagigipit
Nominado ang iniipit

Former Batangas Governor Tony Leviste
Habang bayad ang mga pusa
Naglalaro ang daga.

Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines
Nasa Diyos ang awa
Nasa obispo ang ngawa
Mahihirap ang kawawa.

Incoming DOTC Sec. Mar Roxas
Naghangad ng kagitna
Palasyo ang nawala.

Resigned DOTC Sec. Jose ‘Ping’ De Jesus
If you can’t stand the heat,
quit the Cabinet.

Atty. Edwin Lacierda
Ang pumatol sa sira-ulo…

Albay Gov. Joey Salceda
If you can’t beat them,
boycott them!

Albay Gov. Joey Salceda
Matalino man ang matsing,
(Basta! Matalino siya.)
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
~C.S. Lewis

“Meron! ‘Yong dalawang anak ko.”
~Sen. Chiz Escudero to dzMM anchors Alvin Elchico and Lynda Jumilla when asked, “May nagpapatibok ba sa puso mo ngayon?” [SRO/ June 14, 2011]

You Have Spoken
Sang-ayon ba kayo sa panawagan ni Albay Gov. Joey Salceda na iboycott ang mga produktong gawa sa China?
– Oo! Hindi tayo dapat pa-bully sa mga Intsik na ‘yan! 52%
– Diplomasya, hindi boycott ang sagot sa problema natin with China. 46.67%
– Anong isyu ba? 1.33%

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Stay safe and happy!


Singson Sentenced
After pleading guilty to cocaine trafficking, Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson was sentenced to 18 months in a Hong Kong prison. His father, Ilocos Sur Gov. Luis “Chavit” Singson tried but failed to stop the sentencing by seeking the help of Vice President Jejomar Binay.

Ilocos Sur Gov. Luis “Chavit” Singson told the press that his son Ronald was “a victim” of drug abuse. Sought for comment, ‘Drug Abuse’ denied Singson’s allegation and threatened to sue the governor for libel.

Congressman Ronald Singson has been convicted, sentenced and imprisoned. Everybody believes he’s guilty… except for his colleagues at the House of Representatives.

Actress Lovi Poe was in tears after the sentencing. For the next 18 months, she’ll definitely miss the man, the lover, and the free concert tickets.

Speaking of addicts…
The Sangguniang Barangay of Ayala Alabang in Muntinlupa City has passed an ordinance that includes a provision requiring doctor’s prescription (reseta) before someone could buy contraceptives like condoms… totally alarming village priests who are not used to doing it without rubber.

Barangay Ayala Alabang spokesperson Atty. Luis Sison says residents who will buy condoms from stores in other villages or cities will not be allowed to give them away or sell them in their barangay. First time offenders will face excommunication. Repeat offenders shall either be guillotined or burnt at the stake.

This just in! Pope Benedict XVI has just declared Barangay Ayala Alabang as the Little Vatican of Asia.

When he heard the news about the controversial ordinance of the Sangguniang Barangay of Ayala Alabang, Atty. Adel Tamano posted on Twitter, “That’s unconstitutional.” RH Bill proponents said, “That’s preposterous.” And Senator Lito Lapid shouted, “That’s my idea!”

Top 5 Possible Scenarios When You Buy A Condom From a Store Located at Barangay Ayala Alabang

No. 5: Ate, pagbili ng condom. >> May dala kang reseta iha? >> Wala po eh. Pero ‘wag kayong mag-alala. Doktor ang katalik ko.

No. 4: Miss, pagbilhan mo nga ako ng condom. >> ‘Asan sir ang prescription? >> Anong prescription? Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala? Ako ang kapitan sa barangay na ‘to! Prescription mo’ng mukha mo!

No. 3: Miss, condom nga. >> Naku, reseta muna. >> Ah ganun? Puwes, ‘wag na ‘wag kang magrereklamo kapag nag-motel tayo mamayang gabi!

No. 2: Miss, isang condom please. >> Sir, kailangan po ng prescription. >> Here, meron ako. >> Naku sir, kulang po ito. Dapat po specified ng doctor ang size at flavor.

And the No. 1 scenario when you buy a condom from a store located at Brgy. Ayala Alabang…

Miss, condom nga. Pakibilisan, nagmamadali ako. >> Teka lang sir, meron ba kayong reseta? >> Bakit!? Kailan pa naging sakit ang libog ko?

Nicotine Addict
The Philippine Medical Association says a person like President Aquino who is “addicted to an abused substance whether it is tobacco or illegal drugs needs professional help and is in a state of constant denial.” President Aquino said, “That’s not true.”

AFP Corruption Hearing
Mrs. Erlinda Ligot, wife of Lt. Col. Jacinto Ligot was a no-show during Thursday’s Senate hearing. Asked about the whereabouts of his wife, the former military comptroller said he totally forgot where he left her.

Lawyer Rafael Zialcita says the wife of former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot is confined at the Veteran’s Memorial Medical Center in Quezon City because of “headaches, abdominal pains, and other aches.” Official hospital records show there’s a total of eight “aches” under Mrs. Erlinda Ligot’s name.

Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi delivered a televised address Tuesday. The 69-year-old dictator spoke about the state of his Arab nation and vowed to stay in power despite calls for his resignation. At one point during the speech, he presented three poor Libyan boys who wrote their dreams on paper folded into boats and launched these into the Mediterranean Sea.

In a televised address Tuesday, Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi said he would never step down as president. He then enumerated his administration’s long-term goals toward achieving a Strong Republic.
“Those who in principle oppose birth control are either incapable of arithmetic or else in favor of war, pestilence, and famine as permanent features of human life.”
~Bertrand Russell

Dolce, Encore, Pharaoh and Icon mga gimikang tinukoy ng DPA ng ABS-CBN na pugad umano ng mga gumagamit ng cocaine. See exclusive interview here.

Maria Ressa: The Parody of People Power

Survey Says
Sang-ayon ba kayo sa pahayag ni Sen. Bongbong Marcos na posibleng kasing-unlad na tayo ng Singapore kung hindi napatalsik ang kanyang ama?
Tama siya! Sayang. 28.74%
Ulol! Umayos ka nga! 70.66%
Wala akong alam sa isyu. 0.6%

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Have a safe and fun-filled weekend!


ILOCOS SUR Rep. Ronald Singson has pleaded guilty to a drug offense in Hong Kong. He also admitted to being addicted to cocaine. His father, Ilocos Sur Governor Chavit Singson was so upset he accused Ronald of setting his own self up.

Since 2004
Embattled Ilocos Sur Representative Ronald Singson revealed he’s been using cocaine since 2004, and consumed three to five grams of the drug per day. At one point, he got so hooked to coke he almost changed his name to Ronald Singhot.

When customs police in Hong Kong arrested Cong. Ronald Singson on July 11, 2010, cocaine was found in his underpants. The ‘Coke’ was an inch away from the ‘straw.’

Ilocos Sur representative, and concert promoter Ronald Singson blamed his break up last year with girlfriend Lovi Poe for his drug use. The actress broke up with him when she found out that half of Ronald’s purported ‘bulge’ was just cocaine.

Members of the House of Representatives have called on Cong. Ronald Singson to resign. But the beleaguered Ilocos Sur representative was unfazed. Ousted or not from Congress, he’ll never run out of sessions. #ikawna!

Cong. Ronald Singson pleaded guilty to drug trafficking. The 42-year-old solon and concert promoter also confessed to being addicted to cocaine… shocking his father, Governor Chavit Singson who, at the time, had yet to recover from the shock of hearing Piolo Pascual admitting on TV that he and KC Concepcion were in a relationship.

Rabusa & Karma
Have you been following the news on retired Lieutenant Colonel George Rabusa? Interviewed by Radyo Inquirer, Rabusa said he could be suffering from “bad karma” for pocketing millions of pesos from military funds. According to Rabusa, he recently had a stroke, his wife’s got cancer, he lost his mayoral bid in the Visayas, and he’s nearing bankruptcy. One time, Rabusa confessed, he got so depressed he almost produced a concert, and snorted cocaine.

Fare Hike
After approving the fare rate hike in the MRT, LRT, and taxicabs two weeks ago, the government has approved this week the provisional fare hike in jeepney ride. Next week, the government is expected to rule in favor of a petition seeking higher ride rates at Enchanted Kingdom and Star City. #sige!itaasn’yonanglahat!

I Crush You!
In Tuesday’s Lower House hearing on the alleged corruption in the Armed Forces, Ilocos Norte Rep. Rodolfo Fariñas revealed he had a crush on Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez way back in college. Stunned but otherwise amused by the revelation, Gutierrez quipped, “Si ikaw talaga! Masyado mong ‘pinapahiya si ako!”

Modernong Kahulugan ng Ilang Salita o Parirala

Pasalubong: Bonus sa trabahong hindi pa nagagawa
Halimbawang pangungusap: “Uy, General, mainit na pagbati sa inyong appointment! Bago po kayo magsimula sa inyong trabaho, heto po ang sampung milyong pisong pasalubong. Enjoy!”

Pabaon: Bonus sa trabahong walang katiyakan kung nagawa
Halimbawang pangungusap: “Uy, General, maraming salamat po sa inyong paglilingkod sa bayan. Heto po ang limampung milyong pisong pabaon. Pa-burger ka naman! Burger! Burger!”

Set up: Kapag ‘di mo matanggap na adik ang iyong anak
Halimbawang pangungusap: “’Tang-i*a kasi ‘yong kasama niya eh. ‘Nilaglag ang anak ko. ‘Ayun, na-set up kaya inaresto. Ukininam!”

Plea bargain agreement: Ibang katawagan sa “Why not coconut?! Malay mo makalusot!”
Halimbawang pangungusap: “Ombudsman, baka naman magawan natin ng paraan ‘tong kaso ko. Ibabalik ko ang one-third ng ninakaw ko pero dapat malinaw ang plea bargain agreement natin. Kailangang abswelto ang aking asawa’t mga anak na kasing-kakapal ko ang mukha.”

You’ve Got Jail
Indonesian pop star Nazril “Ariel” Irham was sentenced to three-and-a-half years in prison for videotaping his sexual activities with different women. In fairness to Irham, he had a good lawyer during the trial. What he lacked however was a filthy rich, plastic surgery-enhanced cougar financier.
“I’ve never had a problem with drugs. I’ve had problems with the police.”
~Keith Richards

Survey Says
Uy, malapit na ang Valentine’s Day. Kumusta naman?
– Happiness! 30%
– Kumusta mong mukha mo! 54.07%
– Getting there. I am not going to elaborate. Baka mausog. 15.93%

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Today is February 1, 2011… let’s spread  peace and love (not just legs)!
#teamlakers #beattheheat


AFTER A RELATIVELY GOOD 2010, the Aquino government welcomed the New Year on a high note – high spirits, high hopes, high toll rates, high gas prices, and higher flag-down rate in taxis.

* * * * *

According to a recent survey, 93 percent of Filipinos welcomed 2011 with hope. Some 900 others welcomed it with stitches and severed fingers.

* * * * *

It’s 2011. We begin another year with resolutions. Stop drinking, quit smoking, spend more time with the family, work harder, and more. Why, even the House of Representatives has a resolution: expel one of its own.

A drug-related controversy has led to a call for resignation of a member of the House of Representatives. Nope, I’m not talking about Jules Ledesma.

Leaders of the House of Representatives say quitting is the “most decent thing” to do for Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson. It wasn’t clear though if they wanted him to quit his post or quit drugs.

John Reading, lawyer of Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson said the solon would plead guilty in a hearing on January 26 in Hong Kong. Reading did not state if Singson would plead guilty to drug trafficking, drug possession, or conniving with NAIA personnel.

Ilocos Sur Governor Luis ‘Chavit’ Singson insists his son Ronald is not a drug user. Yup, and the Philippines may not be in Asia; the Pope may not be Catholic, and Elvis Presley may not be dead.

Top 5 Questions to Ask a Jailed Solon

No. 5: Kung hindi po kayo drug user, ano ‘yon, ‘yong drugs ang nanggamit sa inyo?

No. 4: “What is one big mistake you’ve made in your life and what did you do to make it right?” (You may use an interpreter.)

No. 3: Kung hindi po kayo nahuli… ano kayo sinusuwerte?

No. 2: Sakaling mapatunayang guilty kayo at makulong nang habambuhay, ang tanong… why not?

And the No. 1 question to ask a jailed solon…

Kung maniniwala po kaming wala kayo ni katiting na kasalanan, ano kami, sira?!?

At Large
Justice Secretary Leila De Lima says the National Bureau of Investigation has located Vizconde massacre suspect Joey Filart in the United States. Now, if only the NBI could locate Senator Panfilo Lacson in the Philippines.

New Couple?
Ex-future first girlfriend, stylist Liz Uy and director Lino Cayetano (younger brother of Senators Pia and Alan Peter) are now an item. Instead of romancing a president, Liz chose a barangay captain. Ouch!
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.”
~Robin Williams

Photo of the Weak

Congratulations Arnel Buenaflor, you just made it on the list of the world’s dumbest criminals!
Read full story here.

Survey Says
Kumusta ang 2010 sa ‘yo in general?
– Panalo! It was a great year for me! 24.86%
– Okay lang. May hits and misses. 48.09%
– Let me just say na babawi na lang ako sa 2011. 27.05%

Congratulations to everyone who passed the UP College Admission Test (UPCAT). Pagbutihin n’yo. Maliit man ang budget, masuwerte pa rin kayo. After all, University of the Philippines is University of the Philippines. [And Anna Dizon is Anna Dizon.]

I know it’s been months (sorry, i just read it yesterday) but belated thanks to FHM Philippines for including ‘The Professional Heckler’ on your list of ‘Blogs With Balls,’.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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BREAKING NEWS: Malacañang has denied rumors that President Aquino has abandoned Roman Catholicism for another religion. Likewise, palace sources insist there’s no truth to rumors that the President is forming his own ministry called, “Ang Tuwid na Daan.”

The CBCP’s Threat
Interviewed on Radio Veritas, CBCP president and Tandag, Surigao del Sur Bishop Nereo Odchimar said the Catholic Church might excommunicate President Aquino if the government pushed through with a plan to distribute contraceptives. In the same interview, Bishop Odchimar appealed to Andres Bonifacio and the Katipuneros to surrender to the Spanish government.

The CBCP’s Threat II
Malacañang is reportedly unfazed by CBCP president Nereo Odchimar’s excommunication threat. Palace insiders say President Aquino will neither bow to nor be cowed by the CBCP president… unless he’s Chinese.

This just in!
CBCP president Bishop Nereo Odchimar has denied saying that President Aquino may be excommunicated. He insisted that his statement was “taken out of context” and “blown out of proportion” by the media. “Taken out of context” and “Blown out of proportion” – Hmm, is Odchimar a member of the CBCP or the Presidential Communications Group?

Heckling Tour Guide
Social activist/Manila tour guide and Reproductive Health Bill advocate Carlos Celdran was arrested and detained Thursday for disrupting a mass at the Manila Cathedral. Dressed in a Jose Rizal-inspired outfit, Celdran stood in front of the altar, flashed a sign that read, “Damaso,” and shouted, “Stop getting involved in politics” in protest of the Church’ anti-RH Bill stance. Celdran was detained for almost 24 at the Manila Police District Station 5 in Ermita during which he started to write two novels.

Reports say Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim together with some soldiers, and policemen were attending mass at the Manila Cathedral when Carlos Celdran staged a solo protest action Thursday. Interviewed by GMA News, the police said it was Mayor Lim who ordered that Celdran be taken into custody. Lim is expected to deny that.

Manila tour guide Carlos Celdran was detained for disrupting a mass at the Manila Cathedral Thursday. The visibly upset priest decided to cut short the mass… and ordered Basilio and Crispin to usher Celdran out of the cathedral.

Light Bites: Modern Dictionary
Ex.Communication, noun: Term that may be used to describe Secretaries Herminio Coloma, Ricky Carandang and Atty. Edwin Lacierda if they don’t get their act together
Example: Uy, ex.communication group head na pala si blah-blah! Kailan pa?

The IIRC Report: Reviewed
Malacañang says Executive Sec. Paquito Ochoa and Chief Presidential Legal Counsel Eduardo de Mesa have finished reviewing the IIRC report on the August 23 hostage crisis. Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda says the results of the review will be posted at http://www.gov.ph. It will be uploaded five hours after it appears on www.gov.cn.

Miriam vs. Chavit
There’s an ongoing war between Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago and Ilocos Sur Governor Luis “Chavit’ Singson. The rift surprises a number of people mainly because neither Miriam nor Chavit belongs to either the Balay or the Samar Group.

On her Twitter account, Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago called Ilocos Sur Governor Luis Singson, “Sabit Singson.” Singson retaliated by calling Santiago, “Brenda” on his Friendster shoutout.

Persistent rumors say President Aquino and his girlfriend have called it quits. Observers believe the President would have not quit on the girl if her name was “Smoking.”

President Aquino and his girlfriend reportedly broke up. And Enrico Puno was like, “Don’t look at me!”

Rumors say the President and his girlfriend have separated. And Kris Aquino was like, “Win na Win!”

No to Smoking
Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad has endorsed the Philippine Medical Association’s new smoking ban policy. And people were like, “Ahh, break na nga!”

In Entertainment
An amended petition filed by the lawyers of Kris Aquino claims the TV host and James Yap both have “personality disorders” since their youth. And I was like, is that even news?
“That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spotlight
Losing my religion”

~ REM, Losing My Religion

Survey Says
Sa isyu ng impeachment case laban kay Ombudsman Gutierrez, ano ang dapat gawin ng Kongreso:
– ITULOY ang pagdinig kahit labag sa order ng Supreme Court! 40.7%
– SUNDIN ang status quo ante order ng Korte para walang gulo. 47.98%
– Hindi ko alam ang isyu. 11.32%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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(PERHAPS) THE MOST POPULAR FILIPINO today is in the United States of America right now: very much single, ordinary-looking, a mother’s pet, well-loved by the whole nation, and doing all the best to generate income before returning soon to the country. So far, so good. Congratulations… Charice!

The President’s Speech
On Saturday, President Aquino addressed the UN General Assembly in New York. Rumors say some attendees representing UN-member nations complained when an advance copy of Aquino’s speech was given to the representative of China.

The Two Presidents
President Aquino and US President Barack Obama have finally met face to face. Reports say the two leaders instantly clicked as friends. In fact, they now have a nickname for each other, Lights and Menthol.

The President’s Hotdog
Did you know that the government paid an American PR firm for President Aquino’s official trip to the United States? Malacañang wasn’t informed though that the same firm is also doing PR work for a chain of hotdog stalls on the streets of New York.

Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda defended President Aquino when the latter ate hotdog sandwiches with Finance Secretary Cesar Purisima, former senator Mar Roxas, some Filipino reporters, and his security detail on a New York City sidewalk. Lacierda said the President spent only $54 for hotdog sandwiches… but millions of dollars for PR.

The idea of President Aquino eating hotdogs on a New York City sidewalk was criticized by a number of Filipinos. All of them were Samar Group members.

The President’s Shooting Buddy
Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno plans to submit a courtesy resignation when President Aquino returns from the United States next week. Let’s all hope he doesn’t forget his plan.

President Aquino said he would not accept the courtesy resignation of his shooting buddy, Interior Undersecretary Enrico Puno. According to the President, everyone is “entitled to due process” adding that he “cannot just have him hanged” just because someone asked him to do so – to which former PAGASA chief Prisco Nilo said, “Yeah right!”

The President’s Cousin
On meeting with Archbishop Oscar Cruz, businessman Tony Boy Cojuangco said, “Anybody has to help the government do its functions and this was my way of helping.” TO everyone reading this blog right now, let us all help the government do its functions. Bisitahin natin si retired Archbishop Oscar Cruz! Now na!

After his name was dragged into the jueteng controversy, an irate Antonio “Tony Boy” Cojuangco lectured the media on reporting. When the President learned about Cojuangco’s critique of the media, he asked him to become a member of the IIRC.

With his name being dragged into the jueteng scandal, a visibly upset Tony Boy Cojuangco lectured members of the media on how to handle information from wild sources. Slighted by Cojuangco’s sermon, the media lectured him on how to handle a live-in partner gone wild.

Tony Boy Cojuangco’s live-in partner, actress Gretchen Barretto was reportedly shocked when she heard her husband’s name during the Senate hearing on jueteng payola. To give you an idea of how shocked Barretto was, her face moved.

The Governor
Ilocos Sur Governor Luis “Chavit” Singson has denied any links to jueteng operations as exposed by Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago. So, ano ‘yon? Set up na naman?

Filipina teen singing sensation Charice was praised for her impressive debut on the hit US TV series “Glee.” Despite her success, Charice has remained humble and down-to-earth. In fact, she’s going to New York tomorrow to eat hotdogs on a sidewalk.
“A reputation once broken may possibly be repaired, but the world will always keep their eyes on the spot where the crack was.”
~Joseph Hall

Survey Says
Sa kinasasangkutang mga kontrobersya ni Undersecretary Enrico Puno:
– Hintayin ang desisyon ng pangulo. 6.98%
– Resign! Now na! 90.91%
– Pag-iisipan ko muna. 2.11%

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Only De Lima
Malacañang has just announced that only Justice Secretary Leila De Lima is authorized to speak about the ongoing government investigation into the August 23 hostage crisis – not the NBI, not the PNP, & definitely, not Sec. Herminio Coloma.

Reports say only Justice Secretary Leila De Lima is authorized to speak about the ongoing probe into the August 23 hostage crisis. De Lima thus becomes the government’s fourth spokesperson.

Justice Secretary Leila De Lima has issued a gag order to the NBI and the PNP to “avoid confusion.” I wonder when will she issue a gag order to the Presidential Communications Group.

Top 5 Signs that a Hostage Crisis Will End Badly

No. 5: You have a stubborn hostage taker but you have an even more stubborn broadcast media.

No. 4: You have a confused hostage taker but you have a crisis management team leader who’s even more confused while giving orders (and then denies ordering it).

No. 3: You have an inept SWAT team. Period.

No. 2: Your hostage taker spends more time talking not to the negotiators but with Erwin Tulfo.

And the No. 1 sign that a hostage crisis will end badly…

Your president decides to speak up… almost four hours after the crisis is over.

The Local Soco
Are you wondering how our Scene of the Crime Operatives (SOCO) worked on the crime scene a day after last week’s hostage crisis? First, they cordoned off the area. Second, they gathered evidence. And third, they posed for souvenir pictures. Pam-Facebook.

Seven cops are facing possible sanctions for posing and smiling beside the hijacked tourist bus at Quirino Grandstand last week. At least three of the seven cops have been identified. Probers are having a hard time identifying the remaining four because they’ve since deleted their Facebook accounts.

In Other News…

The website of the government-run Philippine Information Agency (PIA) was reportedly hacked over the weekend. Filipinos were shocked when they learned about the hacking but were even more shocked when they learned that PIA has a website.

Noynoy’s FB Account
Fact: President Aquino’s official Facebook Like Page has started censoring comments and wall posts.
Rumor: The person maintaining the President’s Facebook account is Manoling Morato.

Mount Sinabung, a volcano in Northern Sumatra, Indonesia erupted Sunday after 400 years of being dormant. And Filipinos were like, “That so reminds us of our president when he finally talked after 14 hours of monitoring the hostage drama.”

Coke Head
Party animal and B-movie Hollywood actress Paris Hilton told Las Vegas police that the cocaine found in her purse last Sunday was not hers. Reacting to the news, Ilocos Sur Governor Chavit Singson said Hilton could have been “set up.”

Lost Voice
ABS-CBN News reported that Nora Aunor wasn’t able to sing at a concert in Australia because she lost her voice – another sad news for the Filipina “superstar” who has yet to find her lost career.
“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”
~ John C. Maxwell

Survey Says…
Dahil sa kapalpakan ng PNP sa naganap na hostage crisis, dapat bang magbitiw sa tungkulin si DILG Secretary Jesse Robredo?
– DAPAT LANG! Command responsibility. 50%
– OA namang panawagan ‘yan. HINDI! 41%
– Hmmm, let me think first. 9%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Newsbreak: Unbecoming of the Little President

The Philippine Star (Boo Chanco): P-Noy’s leadership on the line

Philippine Daily Inquirer (John Nery): ‘Where the hell was Gabby Lopez?’

Philippine Daily Inquirer (Conrado De Quiros): Choices

Ito ang huling araw sa Buwan ng Wika. Nawa ay maging ligtas ang inyong Martes. Maligayang araw!

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Torture Video
ABS-CBN News aired Tuesday a footage of a suspected holdupper allegedly being tortured by Senior Insp. Joselito Binayug, a Manila police precinct commander. Of Binayug’s act, DOJ Secretary Leila De Lima said, “That’s ghastly!” Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim lamented, “That’s inhumane.” Retired Major General Jovito Palparan blurted out, “That’s my boy!”

Torture Video II
Have you seen the “torture video” shown first and exclusively by ABS-CBN News? It was so horrible, watching it repeatedly feels like watching Kris Aquino on “Pilipinas Win na Win” everyday!

Out on Bail
Moments after Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson was allowed to post bail of one million Hong Kong dollars (a month after he was arrested for drug possession), his father, Ilocos Sur Governor Luis ‘Chavit’ Singson said Ronald may have been “set up,” citing politics and business as possible motives. Set up?!? He’s 41, a congressman, and was set up? Either Chavit himself is on drugs or he is possessed. (Or both.)

New SSS President
President Aquino has appointed Emilio De Quiros Jr., brother of Inquirer columnist and rabid Noynoy supporter, Conrado De Quiros as SSS president. After signing De Quiros’ appointment papers, President Aquino explained, “His being the brother of Conrad de Quiros is not relevant to his appointment.” The President didn’t explain though the relevance of his being defensive.

Top 5 Text Messages Received By Inquirer Columnist Conrado De Quiros Following the Appointment of His Brother to the SSS

No. 5: “Hindi dapat maliitin ang iyong naging ambag sa aking tagumpay. Pangako… hindi ako magiging ganid. – Nagmamahal, ang iyong Kapatid”

No. 4: “O, masaya ka na?!? – Sincerely, Korina”

No. 3: “Let’s celebate brod. Inuman tayo! Isama mo ang iyong kapatid sa SSS. Isasama ko ang aking bayaw sa DOST. This is my new # nga pala! – Executive Secretary Jojo Ochoa.”

No. 2: “So, pa’no? Love love love na tayo? – Dinky Soliman, the Hyatt 10 and the Liberal Party”

And the No. 1 text message received by Inquirer columnist Conrado De Quiros following the appointment of his brother to the SSS…

“Congratulations! May kapamilya ka na rin sa gobyerno. Kaya sana, tigilan mo na ang pamilya ko! – Yours truly, Butch Abad”

Light Bites: Noon at Ngayon
NOON: Kamag-anak, Incorporated
NGAYON: Kaklase, Incorporated

NOON: Paglaki ko, gusto kong maging doktor!
NGAYON: Paglaki ko, gusto kong maging SBMA administrator!

NOON: “Pangako, ipapamahagi namin ang lupain ng Hacienda Luisita!”
NGAYON: “Stock option na lang. Hala, pirma!”

NOON: Ang pag-torture ng mga pulis, nakatago!
NGAYON: Ang pag-torture ng mga pulis, naka-video!

NOON: Ang Executive Order ng Pangulo… isinasapubliko saka ‘pinapatupad.
NGAYON: Ang Executive Order ng Pangulo… isinasapubliko saka pina-fine-tune.

NOON: Ang press conference ng spokesman ng palasyo… sa palasyo!
NGAYON: Ang press conference ng spokesman ng palasyo… sa ANC Studio!

NOON: Ang Executive Secretary… maingay, naghahamon ng debate.
NGAYON: Ang Executive Secretary… tahimik, naghahamon ng inuman.

NOON: Ang NFA rice, isinasaing; kinakain ng taumbayan!
NGAYON: Ang NFA rice, isinasaing; ‘pinapakain sa babuyan!

NOON: Ang pulitiko, tumatakbo upang maging senador.
NGAYON: Ang senador… tumatakbo.

NOON: Ang gustong maging kongresista… tumatakbo sa eleksyon.
NGAYON: Ang nahalal na kongresista… tumatakbo palabas ng sesyon.

NOON: Ang kongresista, nagco-coffee.
NGAYON: Ang kongresista, nagco-Coke. [Oops, pasensya. Na-set up nga lang pala.]

NOON: Ang House Speaker… numero unong promotor ng pamamahagi ng pork barrel.
NGAYON: Gano’n pa rin.

NOON: “No new taxes if elected” (Habang nangangampanya)
NGAYON: “Hindi ito bagong tax. Sisihin n’yo si Gloria!
“The healthy man does not torture others – generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers.”
~Carl Jung

This just in!
Authorities in Orange, California nabbed 31-year-old Filipino Michael Lallana for allegedly ejaculating into an officemate’s water bottle on two separate occasions. Sought for comment, Lallana said he may have been set up because of business or ‘office politics.’

Breaking News!
Twitter now has 1.8M active ‘users’ in the Philippines. The previous record was held by Rufa Mae Quinto.

Corny Corner
Tanong: Sino ang anak ni Manuel L. Quezon?
Sino pa? Eh ‘di… ang Wikang Pambansa.
‘Di ba sabi nila si Manuel L. Quezon ang Ama ng Wikang Pambansa!
[Aarrgh! Ang corny nga!]

What’s UP?
The UP Fighting Maroons lost its ninth straight game in the UAAP cage wars. And they lost badly. Their 0-9 slate is unnerving. I appeal to Chairman Etta Rosales of the Commission on Human Rights to please intervene. This continuing massacre of the premiere State University’s basketball team is disturbing. Have mercy!

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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Mikey Arroyo’s Millions
A man named Mikey was on TV
He tried to explain why he’s wealthy
“It’s from our sponsors,
And campaign donors!”
Whateverrr! says Mareng Winnie

Mar Roxas’ Political Advertisements
Mar was brave, Mar was decisive
But his TV ads were repulsive
“Ako na iho,
Ramdam ko kayo”
The outburst of disgust was massive.

The Friendship of Mar Roxas and Noynoy Aquino
There were two best friends, Mar and Noynoy
One was pushy, the other was coy
Mar said, “I’m quitting.”
Noy said, “I’m praying.”
People wondered: was that just a ploy?

The Ex-Future First Lady
There was once a woman named Koring
RP’s First Lady in the making
‘Til Mar said “I quit
I’m sorry my sweet”
Then she went berserk and crying.

Ronaldo Puno’s Ambition
There was once a man named Ronaldo
Who fixed poll results for Tabako
These days, he’s got a plan
Next year will be his turn
So be alarmed Noli De Castro!

Ode to Senate’s Richest
There was once a rich man named Manny
Who got linked to a controversy
He denied the charge
He condemned the purge
And told his pups, “Just speak for me.”

The Deputy National Security Adviser
A fellow named Chavit beats his wife
Causing their family much strife
Tortured her lover
Exposed his boner
And claims, he in fact saved her life! (WTF!)

A Senator’s Fatherly Advice
A woman named Kris told her Kuya
Remain single please, for Joshua
Ping Lacson protested:
“Shalani’s educated
And she never had chlamydia!”
“Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.”
~Isaac Newton


Rated K
It’s September! Yup, the “ber” months are here. The world’s longest Yuletide celebration has just been started by Filipinos… with the exception of Korina Sanchez whose observance of Lent began Tuesday.

An obviously hurting Korina Sanchez lashed out at perceived critics of Mar Roxas in a radio interview Wednesday. At one point, Sanchez even demanded an apology from Inquirer columnist Conrado De Quiros for calling the current crop of presidential aspirants, “atat sa kapangyarihan.” Reacting to the demand, De Quiros promised to stop calling Roxas “power hungry” if Korina would stop acting like a First Lady.

MAROSA Korina Sanchez insisted that she cried not because Mar Roxas dropped his bid for the presidency but because of some people who expressed doubt about her boyfriend. Eh mag-propose ka ba naman ng tanghaling tapat sa game show ni Willie Revillame, paano ka ba namang ‘di pagdududahan?!?

A fuming Korina Sanchez wept openly during her DZMM interview yesterday. For those who missed out on that rare moment, Sanchez is doing a repeat performance live on Wowowee soon.

Reports say the scheduled wedding of Sen. Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez will push through on October 23. However, because of recent political developments, the caterer has decided not to set up a “presidential” table.

Mikey’s Millions
Cong. Mikey Arroyo told Unang Hirit’s Arnold Clavio and Prof. Winnie Monsod that his assets ballooned from a mere P5M in 2002 to P99M in 2008 partly because of gifts from wedding sponsors. Challenged to show proof, Mikey took out a wedding invitation that says, “Paid for by sponsors of Mikey and Angela.”

Mikey Arroyo’s net worth in 2002 was P5M. In 2005, his net worth rose to P76.9M. His suspicious wife is now checking on reports he got married thrice in three years.

Mar and Noy _9.03
Noynoy Retreats
Sen. Noynoy Aquino is currently on a four-day retreat in Mindanao to pray for spiritual guidance as he decides whether or not he would run for president in 2010. Meanwhile, Mar Roxas’ fiancée, Korina Sanchez is going on a two-week retreat to pray that Noynoy declines the endorsement.

Sen. Noynoy Aquino left Manila on Thursday for a four-day retreat in Mindanao to pray for divine guidance as he decides whether or not he would run for president. Actually, Noynoy wanted to pray for five days but God would be too busy on Monday as He is scheduled to talk to Among Ed Panlilio.

Villanueva Won’t Withdraw
Amid praises for Mar Roxas’ decision to give way to partymate Noynoy Aquino, Born Again Christian leader Bro. Eddie Villanueva says he will not back out of the presidential race in 2010. To give you an idea how determined he is in running and winning the presidency, he has started to court the endorsement of Iglesia ni Cristo.

chetiongson Singson Beats Wife
A case was filed against deputy national security adviser Luis “Chavit” Singson by his live-in partner Rachel “Che” Tiongson after he allegedly beat her up for committing adultery. Something awkward though happened at the Quezon City RTC where the case was filed. When the case was being raffled off, Singson placed a bet.
“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”
~ Anthony Robbins

Survey Says…
Will you support Joey De Venecia’s senatorial bid?
Sure, why not: 50%
No, way!: 42%
Joey who?: 7%

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