THE NEXT EPISODE

ABS-CBN’s Statement
Finally, ABS-CBN has issued a statement on the “Maalaala Mo Kaya” controversy and personally, I appreciate the network’s admission of its mistake. Part of the statement reads:

“Be that as it may, and after careful deliberation, MMK realizes that its writing and research pool may have been remiss in one thing—verifying with UPLB the veracity of the indicated facts of the letter sender. Having said that, MMK sincerely apologizes for the oversight.”

Amen!

This incident should serve as a lesson to its researchers and writers. Hindi lahat ng tagapanood, nananahimik lamang. Hindi lahat ng tagapanood, umiiyak o tumatawa lamang sa mga ginagawa n’yong kuwento sa inyong palabas. Maraming tagapanood: NAG-IISIP.

Top 5 Proposed Plots for the Next Episode of ABS-CBN’s “Maalaala Mo Kaya” (With Episode Title Suggestions)

No. 5:
Title: “Gamot”
Synopsis: Three summa cum laude graduates who belong to affluent families from Ayala Alabang Village couldn’t get a job. So they resorted to peddling drugs to equally wealthy patrons. But they got caught and jailed. Not used to staying in adverse environments like claustrophobic and dilapidated detention cells, they lost their minds. Authorities subsequently released them. However, the traumatic experience was too much for the rich kids, they never regained their sanity and became a trio of “grasa boys.”

No. 4:
Title: “Batchmates”
Synopsis: Two summa cum laude graduates from the Ateneo de Manila University were appointed to sensitive government posts. They were batchmates and friends from way back. They defended each other in legal battles. They were really that close. When male summa cum laude almost died after a heart surgery, female summa cum laude got so depressed. She eventually lost her mind and became a “babaeng grasa.” Male summa cum laude recovered. But when he discovered what happened to female summa cum laude, he himself sank into depression, lost his mind and became a “taong grasa.”

No. 3:
Title: “Abono”
Synopsis: A summa cum laude graduate from the Ateneo De Manila University robbed a government-owned bank and stashed away some 728 million pesos. He divided the loot among his friends – fellow thieves – who were running for elective posts that year. Hunted by authorities, he fled the country and worked in a fertilizer factory in Russia. Latest reports say his daily exposure to chemicals affected his health, specifically his brain. He eventually lost his mind and became a “lalaking grasa.”

No. 2:
Title: “Cellphone”
Synopsis: A summa cum laude graduate from the Assumption College became the country’s second highest-ranking government official. One day, she received a “magical cellphone” from the devil. The devil said she could use the cellphone to call anyone she wanted in order to win a hotly-contested presidential election. It turned out to be true! When the high-ranking female government official phoned an election official, her lead automatically ballooned to one million votes. She won the elections. However, the excitement brought about by the victory proved to be detrimental to her mental health. She eventually lost her sanity and became a “babaeng grasa.”

And the No. 1 proposed plot for the next episode of “Maalaala Mo Kaya”…

Title: “Rehas”
Synopsis: Ten convicts in the assassination of a former senator were granted executive clemency. The murdered senator’s high-profile daughter was deeply shocked by the decision of the president whom she supported during the elections. When she learned about the decision, she went into hysterics on national TV, convulsed live in front of the cameras, lost her sanity (which has always been unstable to begin with), and never recovered. She eventually became a “babaeng grasa.” By the way, that high-profile daughter? She was a summa cum laude graduate of the Ateneo De Manila University.

In Other News…

mancao Mancao To Tell All?
Former senior superintendent Cesar Mancao of the now defunct Presidential Anti-Organized Task Force (which was used to be headed by Panfilo Lacson) is reportedly coming home to reveal everything he knows about the Dacer-Corbito double murder case. Some people are worried though because Mancao is telling his story via ABS-CBN’s “Maalala Mo Kaya.”

Legacy Group
After testifying against Celso De Los Angeles, two former employees of the Legacy Group were not able to sleep for two nights. Yup, two nights. But that’s nothing compared to Panfilo Lacson who hasn’t slept for a week.

Jude’s Wife
According to tabloids, former presidential son Jude Estrada’s wife Rowena is pregnant. The Catholic Church is checking on the possibility that this could be the second case… only the second case of Immaculate Conception in the history of Christianity.

Eraserheads Concert
A few days before the first Eraserheads reunion concert, Ely Buendia’s mother died. A day before the second reunion concert, Ely Buendia’s good friend Francis died. Utang na loob, no more third reunion concert please!

francis Did She Really Say That?
“Kung mate-text n’yo po ngayon si Francis Magalona, ano’ng itetext n’yo?”
~ Saksi anchor Vicky Morales to Joey De Leon at the wake of Francis Magalona
(Heckler says: Ang dapat na tanong Vicky, ‘Kung mate-text n’yo po ngayon si Francis Magalona, ano po ang gagawin n’yo kapag bigla ‘siyang nag-reply?’)

Have a great weekend!

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“Research is formalized curiosity. It is poking and prying with a purpose.”
~Zora Neale Hurston

BAD

mikea1 The First Gentleman
First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo finally broke his silence on his alleged involvement in the World Bank road projects controversy. In an exclusive chance interview with GMA News, Attorney Arroyo said, “Of course not. It’s not true. Hearsay lang ‘yan.” Again, that was Mr. Arroyo speaking… not Miriam Defensor-Santiago, not Juan Ponce Enrile, not Joker Arroyo. Mabuti na’ng malinaw.

In a chance interview with GMA 7’s Joseph Morong outside the St. Luke’s Medical Center, First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo categorically denied his alleged involvement in the World Bank-funded road projects controversy. The reporter tried to obtain more info from Attorney Arroyo but his doctors had to intervene because every time the First Gentleman talks, his blood pressure shoots up, his skin turns pale, and his nose grows a centimeter longer.

GMA News was able to interview First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo on his alleged involvement in the World Bank road projects mess. Attorney Arroyo admitted that he knew Eduardo De Luna of the blacklisted E.C. Construction Corporation. When the reporter asked how much he knew the guy, he replied, “Five percent.”

According to his lawyer Ruy Rondain, he is not sure whether First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo’s doctors would allow him to attend the Senate hearing, but explained that Attorney Arroyo could play golf “because this is not stressful” – unless of course he overtakes the Pangandamans in the fairway.

GMA News was able to interview First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo outside the St. Luke’s Medical Center yesterday. With all the allegations being hurled against him, Attorney Arroyo admitted that he was angry… but not as angry as ABS-CBN News boss Maria Ressa who refused to accept her reporter’s excuse why GMA 7 outscooped them.

gmadavos The Economy Is So Bad…
You’ve probably heard this. Electronics company Amkor Technology Inc. has laid off 1,500 workers from its two plants in Muntinlupa and Sta. Rosa. Also last week, Fujitsu Philippines confirmed it would lay off hundreds of workers from its disk manufacturing plants in Laguna and Batangas. The economy is so bad FedEx has closed its facility in Subic; Intel has closed its factory in Cavite, and Barack Obama has closed his doors on GMA.

The economy is so bad First Gentleman Mike Arroyo has agreed to lower his commission to 3 percent.

yusoph121 The economy is so bad newly-appointed Comelec commissioner Atty. Elias Yusoph cannot even buy a razor to shave.

The economy is so bad Celso De Los Angeles is now selling his soul to the devil just to settle his obligations.

The economy is so bad the devil declined due to bankruptcy.

The economy is so bad other DOJ prosecutors have started their own lending businesses.

alabang_boys3 The economy is so bad the Alabang Boys have switched from Ecstasy to Biogesic.

The economy is so bad Sen. Lito Lapid is riding a horse to the Senate.

The economy is so bad ABS-CBN cannot even send a reporter to St. Luke’s Hospital to interview Attorney Mike Arroyo.

The economy is so bad GMA 7 has to “steal” a song from Gary Granada.

The economy is so bad TV5’s resigned executive Christopher Sy actually earned thrice more than his network did last year.

below2 FedEx’s facility has closed. Intel’s facility has closed. The economy is so damn bad not even another surgery could stop Vicki Belo’s left eye from closing.

On second thought, the economy may not be that bad at all… because from being a “palengke person,” Mar Roxas is now a pharmacist.

legacy-2 The Legacy Group
The Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas branded the Legacy Group of Companies owned by Celso de los Angeles as an organized syndicate, probably the second largest of its kind… next only to Philippine Congress.
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“Denial. It’s not just a river in Egypt. It’s a freakin’ ocean.”
~Dr. Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy