BUCKETS AND TRAINS

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DOTC SECRETARY Joseph Emilio Abaya took an MRT ride last week from Ortigas to North EDSA station around 1PM, an off-peak hour and on the first coach reserved for women, children, the disabled, and the elderly. For trumpeting that it was “a pleasant ride” which he enjoyed, Mr. Secretary got flak from the public. Abaya quickly denied he was insulting the intelligence of commuters. Yeah. He just assumed they didn’t have any.

During an off-peak hour, DOTC Secretary Joseph Abaya and his bodyguards took an MRT ride last week on the first coach reserved for women, children, the disabled, and the elderly. The train-riding public railed against it.

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Deputy presidential spokesman Abigail Valte also took the MRT Rush Hour Challenge Monday morning. She stood in line for 37 long minutes — which was nothing compared to the time she spends every morning standing in front of the mirror.

According to deputy presidential spokesman Abigail Valte, presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda was with her when she took that train ride Monday morning. Apparently, Lacierda did not upload even a single photo of him while taking the MRT Rush Hour Challenge – totally depriving netizens of a good material for memes.

Senate Hearing
These days, MRT officials say, train riders wait in line for at least 30 minutes before they could get a ride. Or 30 seconds if their name is Joseph Emilio Abaya.

In today’s Senate hearing, MRT officials say part of the proposed rehab plan is the installation of free wi-fi at MRT-3 so that commuters waiting for trains can use their gadgets. The proposal was lauded by gamers, Internet addicts, and thieves.

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Senators and valuation experts conducted an ocular inspection of the controversial and allegedly overpriced Makati City Hall 2 building in Makati City Monday morning. Before the senators arrived, some Makati residents gathered in front of the building to show their support for the Binays. One resident held a placard that said, “Walang corrupt sa Makati.” In totally unrelated news, wala na raw Katoliko sa Vatican City.

Unfriend
Makati City Rep. Abby Binay says her erstwhile close pal, Taguig City Mayor Lani Cayetano has “unfriended” her on Facebook. And things got worse between the two camps when Vice President Binay accessed the late senator Rene Cayetano’s old Friendster account and deleted his testimonial.

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Congresswoman Abby Binay says Mayor Lani Cayetano has “unfriended” her on Facebook. Despite this development, Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano has no plans of unfriending Sen. Nancy Binay because he subscribes to the dictum, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

Book 2
Almost two years after the release of his memoirs, suspended senator Juan Ponce Enrile is reportedly writing a second book. Critics expect the book to top the Bestsellers List – Fiction category.

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Sen. Franklin Drilon took the Ice Bucket Challenge in the Senate Monday. Although he accepted the challenge, he vowed to still donate a portion of his huge DAP allocation to charity.

On Monday morning, buckets of water were poured over the head of Sen. Franklin Drilon as he took the Ice Bucket Challenge. Moments later, Maynilad warned its customers of a looming water supply shortage.

Senator Drilon accepted the Ice Bucket Challenge to raise awareness on the importance of water conservation.

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Actress Sharon Cuneta has decided to terminate her billion-peso contract with TV5. Reports say the Megastar was happy with her decision – but TV5 was happier.

Three years after signing a five-year [rumored] billion-peso contract with TV5, actress Sharon Cuneta has severed ties with the Kapatid Network. Sources say it wasn’t an easy decision. The Megastar will leave the network with a heavy heart, hips, arms, and thighs.
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“Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.”
~Mark Twain

Sound Bites
“Ang tanong ko lang d’yan, by riding the train or in fact mag-ice challenge ako sa MRT 3 train na rush hour, do I solve the problem by doing that? Do I?”
~DOTC Sec. Joseph Emilio Abaya

Poll Results
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Have a great September!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: 24Oras, @Abi_Valte, ANC, ABS-CBN News, GMA News/Benjie Castro, TV5]

EXCLUSIVE: BINAY’S UMBRELLA BREAKS ITS SILENCE ON DASMA GATE

THE BINAY SIBLINGS, a mayor and a senator have spoken. The security agency, and the villagers have also released their respective statements. Today, we’ll hear from one of the witnesses whose name has been unfairly dragged into the Dasma Gate controversy.

Please welcome… ang PAYONG.

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Huwag na tayong magpaliguy-ligoy pa. Unang tanong: Kitang-kita ka sa CCTV nang gabing maganap ang insidente. Ano ang ginagawa mo ro’n?

Ang totoo po n’yan, natutulog ako sa likod ng kotse nang oras na ‘yon. Napagod kasi ako dahil halos maghapon akong ginamit. Nagulat na lang ako nang may dumampot sa akin. After a few seconds, katabi ko na ho si Mayor.

Umuulan ba ng gabing ‘yon o kaya umaambon man lang?

Hindi ho.

So bakit kailangang lumabas ka?

Itanong n’yo na lang ho kay Mayor. Ayaw kong mawalan ng trabaho eh.

Fine! Lagi ka bang ginagamit ni Mayor?

Pwede ho bang off-the-record na lang ang sasabihin ko?

Sige.

Lagi nga ho akong pinag-o-OT eh. Maging sa dinner o kaya sa shower, ultimo sa pagdumi niya, nakapayong pa! Ok lang ho ‘yong dinner o shower eh pero ‘yong pagtae, hindi ko kinakaya.

That’s really weird.

Kayo ho ang nagsabi n’yan.

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Anyway, ‘wag na nating pakialaman ang pribadong activities ng amo mo dahil labas na ang publiko d’yan. Balik tayo sa nangyari sa Dasma. Inuulan ngayon ng batikos si Mayor. Totoo bang sinabi niya sa mga security guards ang linyang, “Hindi n’yo ba ako nakikilala?”

Medyo unfair ho ang lumalabas sa balita eh. Edited na ho. Malisyoso! Ganito ho ang kumpletong pag-uusap na narinig ko:

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“Merry Christmas mga pards! Kasama ko si senadora sa kasunod na kotse. Nagmamadali lang kami. Makikiraan naman d’yan.”

“Sorry sir, pero bawal na ho talagang dumaan. Past 10 PM na. Patakaran ho ‘yan.”

“Nakikita mo ba ako?”

“Oho sir. Pero bawal talaga.”

“Sigurado ka bang nakikita mo ako?”

“Oo naman sir. May ilaw naman eh.”

“Sige nga. Kung talagang nakikita mo ako… lugar ba ako?”

“Hindi!”

“Bagay?”

“Hindi!”

“Hayop?”

“Pwede!”

“T*ng-ina ka ah. Binabastos mo ba ako?”

“Sir, kahit guard ho ako, nag-take naman ako ng Biology noong high school. Ang humans ay hayop din, right? RIGHT!”

‘k. Ituloy na natin! Pagkain ba ako?

“Hindi!”

“Anak ba ako ng pulitiko?”

“Oo!”

“Anak ba ako ng susunod na presidente?”

“Assuming!”

“Ulol! Member ba ako ng political dynasty?”

“Naman!”

“Gago ka ah! Oo o Hindi lang! Political dynasty ba kami?”

“Pass!”

“Sino ako?”

“Tanga ba kayo sir? Oo o Hindi questions lang!”

“Sorry naman. May kapatid ba akong senadora?”

“Sort of!”

“Tarantado! Anong sort of? Inuulit ko: may kapatid ba akong senadora?”

“Oo! Ayan nga ho, nakatayo sa likod ng kotse n’yo!”

“Padadaanin n’yo ba ako?

“Hindi!!! Naku! Time’s up na sir!”

“Ayaw n’yo talaga akong padaanin? Hindi n’yo ba ako nakikilala?”

“Sorry nga sir, tapos na ang 2 minutes eh.”

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Ibig sabihin, talagang binitiwan ng amo mo ang linyang, “Hindi n’yo ba ako nakikilala?”

To be fair ho kay Mayor, naabutan siya ng time bago niya itinanong ‘yon. So, hindi po counted.

Totoo bang kusa raw sumama sa Makati City Police Headquarters ang mga security guards?

May choice ba sila? Ayaw kong sagutin ‘yan. Mahirap na. Ang sarap-sarap ng buhay na tahimik ‘noh!

May nagpapatanong nga pala, bakit daw blue and white ka? Associated daw kay Mar Roxas ang blue. Mas bagay raw ang itim na payong kay Mayor.

Alam n’yo ho, ‘yan ang problema sa mga kritiko ng amo ko – masyadong pini-personal ang debate; pati hitsura, pinaglalaruan. May na-mention pang komedyanteng kamukha raw. Eh ‘di kayo na ang perfect! Pati kulay ng balat pinagdidiskitahan. That’s racism!

Racism agad-agad?

Sige… melaninism na lang! Hindi ho ikinakahiya ni Mayor na melanin-gifted siya. Kung may problema kayo sa balat n’ya, problema n’yo na ho ‘yon pero ‘wag n’yo itong gamiting isyu laban sa kanya. Masyado kayong namumulitika!

Ano’ng reaksyon mo sa pagkukumpara ng mga tao sa pagpapayong ni Mayor at ni dating First Lady Imelda Marcos?

Sumalangit nawa ang kaluluwa niya.

Sira-ulo! Buhay pa si Mrs. Marcos.

Buhay pa ba? Sorry. Hindi ko kasi naabutan ang pagpapayong niya noon. Tanungin mo na lang si Mayor. Mas familiar siguro s’ya.

Balik tayo sa insidente sa Dasma. Sa palagay mo ba ay tama ang naging asal ng iyong amo nang gabing ‘yon?

Merry Christmas nga ho pala! Marami ba kayong inaanak?

Again, inaamin mo bang mali nga si Mayor?

Grabe ho talaga ang nangyari sa NAIA Terminal 3! Wala talagang silbi ang mga pulis at ang DILG Secretary na ‘yan! Hoy Mr. Palengke, mag-resign ka na!

Huling tanong, bilang eyewitness sa pangyayari sa Banyan gate ng Dasmarinas Village, sa tingin mo ba ay mali ang naging asal ng amo mo?

Naku! I have to go na ho. May nag-text! “Dear Payong, Umuwi ka na. Natatae ako. – Mayor.” BYE!
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“The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it.”
~Lord Macaulay

Sound Bites
“I am saddened by the statement of the VP that he should have been given courtesy. No amount of need of courtesy will justify your willingness to kill a person just because he did not give you courtesy. You can’t demand courtesy by the barrel of a gun.”
~Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano on the Dasma Village incident

“I am not one who comments on every issue just to get publicity and to advance any political plans. At hindi ko ugaling manira ng ibang tao para lang malagay sa media.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay on Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano’s reaction to DasmaGate

“The sad fact is that people in power continue to find the need to flex muscle at the slightest opportunity, and take umbrage when crossed, and cry malice, cry persecution, when found out and exposed.”
~Philippine Daily Inquirer Editorial

Happy Holidays!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer]