MAY NAG-TEXT!

6 12 2016

1untitled
BANNED
DUTERTE: Pare, sabihan mo si Leni, ‘wag na siyang umattend ng Cabinet meeting.

BONG GO: Pare naman, ba’t ako ang magsasabi eh hindi naman ako ang pangulo?

DUTERTE: Mismo! Sino bang pangulo? Ikaw o ako?

BONG GO: Ikaw.

DUTERTE: So sino ang masusunod?

BONG GO: Ako.

DUTERTE:

BONG GO: Heto na po ite-text na!

1bongdutz-rappler
The Choice
DUTERTE: Pare, sabihan mo si Leni, simula sa Lunes, ‘wag na ‘wag na siyang a-attend ng kahit anong Cabinet meeting.

BONG GO: Sige pare. Sasabihan ko na.

DUTERTE: Teka muna! Paano nga pala ‘yong tuhod na lagi kong tinititigan?

BONG GO: Pare, you have to decide. Tuhod o Bongbong? Alin ang mas gusto mo?

DUTERTE: ‘Tang inang tanong ‘yan pare! Tuhod ‘yon ng babae. Si Bongbong, lalaki!

BONG GO:

DUTERTE: Bongbong siyempre. #MarcosPaRin

The Text Message
SECRETARY EVASCO: Gd evening Madam Vice President. ‘Wag ka na raw umattend ng meetings sabi ni Bong Go.

LENI: Wait. Sino po ulit ang nagsabi? Si Bong Go ho ba o ang presidente?

EVASCO: Si Bong Go.

LENI: Akala ko si presidente.

EVASCO: Oo nga.

LENI: Huh? Sino bang presidente?

EVASCO: Si Bong Go.

LENI:

EVASCO: Sorta.

1dutzevasco
The Text Message II
BONG GO: Pareng Jun, i-text mo si Leni. ‘Wag na raw siyang umattend ng Cabinet meeting sabi ni Presidente.

SECRETARY EVASCO: Teka pare. Ba’t ako ang magsasabi? Sino bang inutusan ni Presidente?

BONG GO: Ako.

EVASCO: Eh ‘di ikaw ang mag-text.

BONG GO: Wala akong load eh.

EVASCO: Pasahan kita.

BONG GO: Lobat na ako eh.

EVASCO: Pahiramin kita ng charger.

BONG GO: Android ‘to eh. iPhone ka.

EVASCO: ‘Tang ina naman. Wala kang bayag! Sige na nga, ite-text ko na!

The Text Message III
LENI: Hi Secretary Go. Nag-text si CabSec Jun Evasco. ‘Wag na raw akong a-attend ng meeting starting Monday. At ikaw raw ang nagpapasabi. Totoo ba?

BONG GO:

LENI: ‘Pag ‘di kasi ako umattend ng Cabinet meeting, mai-skip ko ‘yong trabaho ko. So totoo ba ‘yong tinext ni CabSec Jun?

BONG GO:

LENI: Secretary Go, last text ko na ‘to. Can you confirm na hindi na ako pinaa-attend ng Cabinet meeting?!? Please reply.

BONG GO: Uy Bongbong, ano bang isasagot ko dito kay VP Leni? Sunud-sunod ang text eh.

LENI:

BONG GO: Ooops. Sorry po. Wrong send.

Resignation Letter
LENI: I accepted the appointment as Chairperson of the Housing and Urban Development Coordinating Council (HUDCC) given our shared commitment to the poor and marginalized.

DUTERTE: O, tapos?

LENI: I have exerted all effort to put aside our differences, maintain a professional working relationship, and work effectively despite the constraints because the Filipino people deserve no less.

DUTERTE: Ano pa?

LENI: However, your directive for me to “desist from attending all Cabinet meetings” has effectively made it impossible for me to do my job. Remaining in your Cabinet has become untenable.

DUTERTE: Ang tagal naman ng “With due respect… “

LENI: With due respect, I am tendering my resignation as HUDCC Chairperson effective immediately.

DUTERTE *typing*
Dear Bongbong, You’re welcome. Merry Christmas!

1leni-inquirer
The Text Message IV
SECRETARY EVASCO: Gd evening again Madam Vice President. Ipinasasabi ni Bong Go na may kapalit ka na raw bilang housing czar.

LENI: Wala pong problema. Pero ang bilis! Wala pang 24 hours, nakahanap agad. Sino po bang kapalit ko?

EVASCO: Ako.

LENI:

EVASCO:

LENI:

EVASCO: Txt back.

Heavy Heart
LENI: With due respect, I am tendering my resignation as HUDCC Chairperson effective immediately.

ANDANAR: The President accepts your resignation as housing czar. With a heavy heart.

LENI:

ANDANAR: Czaring!

1bong-inquirer
IN OTHER NEWS…
Denied
BONG REVILLA: Manong Digong, akala ko ba idi-dismiss ng Korte Suprema ang kaso ko ‘pag nasa pwesto ka na?

DUTERTE: Sino ‘to?

BONG REVILLA: Si Bong.

DUTERTE: Marcos?

BONG REVILLA: Hindi! Si Bong, Bong Revilla!

DUTERTE: Sorry, choppy ka, choppy. Text ka ulit.

Denied II
BONG REVILLA: Manong Digong, akala ko ba mananalo ako sa kaso pag-upo mo?

DUTERTE: Sino ‘to?

BONG REVILLA: Si Bong! Bong Revilla.

DUTERTE: Teka naman, isa-isa lang. Kapapanalo lang ng Marcos burial eh. Baka mahalata.

BONG REVILLA: So pa’no? Ganun na lang ‘yun?! Matapos ka naming papanalunin sa Cavite, kakalimutan mo na ako? Matapos kang mangakong lalaya ako bago mag-Pasko, iiwan mo ako? Matapos akong umasang madi-dismiss ang kaso, ganyan ang sasabihin mo?!?

DUTERTE: Manahimik ka tangna mu! Ako ba ang nagbulsa ng 200 million? Ako ba ang kakuntsaba ni Janet Napoles? Ako ba ang nakinabang sa pork barrel?

BONG REVILLA:

DUTERTE: Sorry naman! Nagtatanong lang. Hindi ako nagbibintang.
____________________________________________________________________________
“Tyranny seldom announces itself…In fact, a tyranny may exist without an individual tyrant. A whole government, even a democratically elected one, may be tyrannical.”
~Joseph Sobran

1bongdutz-rappler
Sound Bites
“This is not the time for fear. It is a time for conviction. It is a time for courage.”
~Vice President Leni Robredo

Fight on.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte/Bong Go: Inquirer.net; Leni Robredo: Inquirer.net; Jun Evasco/Duterte: Inquirer.net]

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PRESUMPTIVE

17 05 2016

IMELDA MARCOS with son Bongbong & family, and daughter Imee heard mass at the Baclaran Church last Sunday. The mass was not even finished yet when people inside the church started crowding the members of the former First Family and began taking photos – mostly, stolen shots. Those people just got even.

1marcoss
Mass II
Imelda Marcos and family attended church last Sunday. Reports say the Marcoses offered mass for “truth in the elections.” In totally unrelated news, Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner attended church last Sunday and offered mass for decency in newspapers.

Mass III
Bongbong Marcos heard mass with his mom, sister, and family last Sunday. His controversial son, Sandro Ferdinand was also there. When Sandro entered the church, he wondered why the number of people seated on the left side and right side of the church did not match.

Mass IV
Imelda Marcos’s nephew, Leyte 1st district Rep. Ferdinand Martin Romualdez attended mass too. Romualdez was the biggest spender among senatorial candidates in the last election. For TV ads alone, he shelled out more than 538 million pesos. Or as Romualdez calls it, “Maliit na bagay.”

Education
Reports say Sandro Marcos will soon return to London to study. He badly needs it.

1dddPlans
Rodrigo Duterte will ask Congress to revive the death penalty. But the presumprive president told the press he preferred execution by public hanging. Which, is more acceptable than his other option, the Davao Death Squad.

Presumptive president Rody Duterte said he would urge Congress to revive capital punishment – by hanging. He made the statement last Monday just minutes after watching the latest episode of Game of Thrones.

Karaoke Ban
In a press conference Monday, presumptive president Rodrigo Duterte talked about banning karaoke in public places after 10PM. Duterte also plans to ban the following songs: ‘I’ll Be,’ ‘Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang,’ ‘Wherever You Will Go,’ ‘Crazy For You,’ ‘I Will Survive’ and ‘Basang-basa Sa Ulan.’

Communists
Presumptive president Rodrigo Duterte has offered four cabinet posts to the Communist Party of the Philippines. Looks like Makabayan will be the new Akbayan.

1lenn
VP Race
Citing publicly available Comelec data, leading vice presidential candidate Leni Robredo claimed victory last Sunday. The announcement irked Bongbong Marcos, the presumptive loser.

Appearing exclusively on CNN Philippines, Bongbong Marcos claimed, “I have won.” This is coming from the guy who claimed he earned a degree from Oxford University.

ER
ER Ejercito lost his bid for governor of Laguna. That’s bad news for him – and even worse for moviegoers.

1GRRappler
A First
Filipinos have elected the country’s first transgender lawmaker: Geraldine Roman of Bataan. I would like to believe Filipino voters have matured. Just don’t mention anything about Manny Pacquiao, the senator.

Sure Winner
Senatorial candidate Manny Pacquiao will soon be declared as a winner. If, for any reason, the winner fails to fulfill his duties and responsibilities, don’t tell me we didn’t warn you.

Manny Pacquiao has won as senator. He is expected to continue the legacy of Lito Lapid.

1NASA
New Planets
NASA has reportedly spotted 1,284 new planets including nine that are “potentially habitable.” This is good news for Filipinos in case the Duterte government fails.
______________________________________________________________________________
“One of the first businesses of a sensible man is to know when he is beaten, and to leave off fighting at once.”
~Samuel Butler

Sound Bites
“Do not destroy my country because I will kill you. I will kill you. No middle ground. As long as the requirements of the law are there, if you try to evade arrest, refuse arrest… and you put up a good fight or resist violently, I will say: ‘Kill them’.”
~Presumptive president Rodrigo Duterte

Be humane.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

(Photos: Marcoses: GMA Network; Duterte: Asia Pacific.anu.edu; Geraldine Roman: Rappler; NASA)





ALARMING, SUSPICIOUS TREND

11 05 2016

1ddd
THE PEOPLE have spoken. Mayor Rodrigo Duterte will be our next president. He leads his rivals by a wide margin according to PPCRV’s quick count. Let’s respect the will of the people and allow the new president to effect change in our country and on the behavior of his most rabid supporters, hopefully.

Congratulations to some of the people behind the successful election campaign of Mayor Duterte: Carlos Dominguez, Peter Laviña, Butch Ramirez, and online political strategist, Mocha Uson.

1BBMGMA
The VP Race
When the quick count for vice president showed that Cong. Leni Robredo has overtaken Sen. Bongbong Marcos, the Marcos camp accused Robredo and the administration of cheating. They haven’t shown any proof of cheating but they sounded so sure because, you know, they’re experts on the subject.

The PPCRV says there’s no reason to terminate their election quick count. Earlier, Bongbong Marcos called for a stop to the quick count citing an “alarming and suspicious trend.” This “alarming and suspicious trend” was later identified as ‘bitterness.’

1Sandro
Alarming
On Twitter, City University London student Sandro Marcos, son of Bongbong Marcos accused the administration of cheating because the total number of votes for president and vice president were not identical. Apparently, for the young Marcos, the tally for both president and vice president must match. Political observers describe Sandro as young, brave, and a complete waste of our taxes.

1mISSINGVOTES
Alarming, Too
Marcos loyalists and supporters have been posting and sharing images that questioned the tally for vice president. They computed the difference between the votes for president and vice president and concluded that those votes were “missing.” Experts call this mindset the ‘Sandro Marcos Syndrome.’

Mistake
In Laoag City, Bureau of Election Inspectors said Sandro Ferdinand Marcos, son of vice presidential candidate Bongbong Marcos committed a mistake when he voted for two candidates for president. This voting error and that tweet reflect an “alarming trend.”

Last Monday, Sandro Ferdinand Marcos made a mistake when he voted for two presidents. To be fair, that was nothing compared to the mistake committed by Filipinos when they voted for his father to be the country’s vice president.

According to an Inquirer report, when Sandro Marcos was asked by the media about the “mistake,” the City University London student DENIED that he encountered problems with his ballot. And Bongbong Marcos was like, “Anak nga kita.”

Roxas, Poe Concede
After conceding to Mayor Duterte, the first thing that Mar Roxas did Tuesday afternoon was to eat a hamburger in a burger joint along Katipunan Avenue. In a press conference the night before, Sen. Grace Poe also conceded. The first thing that she did after conceding was to stand up and leave her chair.

Confident
After voting on Monday morning, Vice President Binay announced that he has drafted his victory speech. Binay is confident he will emerge victorious… against Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago.

After voting in San Antonio High School in Makati City, Vice President Binay, who has not tasted defeat in an election, said he would remain undefeated after Monday’s polls. In Makati.

1abby
30 Years and Counting
Abby Binay has won as mayor of Makati. She is the fourth member of the Binay family to hold that position since 1986 after her father, her mother, and her brother, Junjun. To be fair, siblings Nancy, Junjun and Abby Binay are willing to let others occupy the highest post in the city. But their children are still too young for that.

Close
The race for vice president between Sen. Bongbong Marcos and Cong. Leni Robredo is neck-and-neck. Meanwhile, the battle for the No. 1 position in the senatorial race between Joel Villanueva and Sen. Frank Drilon is also neck-and- , I mean, tight.

Pacquiao
Pacquiao started at No. 9 in the PPCRV quick count. He’s now at No. 7. Talk about an alarming trend.

More than 15 million Filipinos voted for Manny Pacquiao, the Lower House’s top absentee, to become senator. Who among you, dear readers, voted for him? Please raise your right hand. Then slap yourself.

Winning, Finally
Women’s rights advocate Risa Hontiveros is currently in 8th place in the race for senator. This is her third attempt. To prepare for this, she consulted her family, some women’s groups, and Pia Wurtzbach.
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“You can never achieve greatness until you can leave bitterness behind.”
~Debasish Mridha

Sound Bites
“Let me tell you: this is not a time for tears. For our country, we have had a peaceful successful transfer of power. It’s not about me. It’s not about anyone. It’s about how we love our country and how we’ll do all that we can can for her. She’s the only one.”
~Sec. Mar Roxas

“Kagabi, inihanda ko na ang victory speech namin dahil sa palagay ko, tulad ng nakita ninyo, na mga kasama kong nag-ikot ikot ay talagang mananalo tayo.”
~Vice President Binay

#LabanLeni

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Asia Pacific.anu.edu.au; BBM: Philippine Star, Sandro Marcos on Twitter; BBM Supporters; Abby Binay: Inquirer.net]








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