THE SINGING B (ANAK NG TETENG II)

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BONG REVILLA delivered a privilege speech on Monday, June 9. After the speech, his fellow senators took turns congratulating him for the successful launch of his recording career.

Bong Revilla ended his privilege speech with a song – an original composition, in a music video presentation… prompting the Ombudsman to file additional charges against him for offending the public’s sensibilities.

The privilege speech of Bong Revilla on Monday was short. But he surprised everyone when he ended it with a song, an original composition. While the song was being played, shocked netizens kept asking, “What the fuck was he thinking?” He wasn’t.

On Monday, Bong Revilla delivered another privilege speech. This time, he was calm. And “composed.”

Bong Revilla thanked Senate President Franklin Drilon and expressed confidence that under his leadership, the Senate will successfully rebuild itself as an institution. And then he broke into a song. Talk about rebuilding!

1JB
According to Bong Revilla, President Aquino’s remaining two years in office must focus on addressing the needs of the Filipino people. He also advised Aquino to “lead the country not with hatred but with love.” The President’s spokespersons refuse to be upstaged so Abigail Valte, Sonny Coloma and Edwin Lacierda will answer Bong’s concerns while pole dancing.

On Monday, Bong Revilla sang an original composition titled Salamat, Kaibigan. Unfortunately, he failed to turn the judges’ chairs.

Saying mudslinging must stop, Bong Revilla stated, “Adhikain ko po na sana mula ngayon, wala nang dilaw, wala nang orange, wala nang berde, wala nang asul, wala nang pula.” That’s yellow, orange, green, blue, and red only. Did he just endorse Binay?

A confident Revilla said, “Magkakaroon din ng tunay na hustisya… sa naaayong panahon.” And Vice President Binay was like, “I’m not making any promises huh.”

After giving President Aquino a lecture, Bong Revilla bared his own “list.” Topping the list was God. He said God would never abandon him. In a statement, God denounced the ‘shameless namedropping.’

The embattled senator thanked everyone – senators, politicians, friends, movie fans, and loyal supporters who had helped him, one way or another. Janet Napoles resented the apparent snub.

Bong Revilla also expressed his gratitude to some 20 million Filipinos who voted him into office. I hope you’ve learned your lesson guys.

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Bong Revilla, one of the senators charged with plunder delivered a privilege speech Monday. That’s what the reports said: a privilege speech although it sounded more like a premonition.

The Lakas Party member also thanked Lakas stalwart and former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo for being his “mentor.” No wonder.

Addressing Sen. Sonny Angara, the actor-politician said, “I look up to your father.” And Sen. Loren Legarda was like, “I know, right?”

The family, friends, and staff of Bong Revilla were all present at the Senate gallery. There’s no truth to nasty rumors that their seats were labeled, ‘This is where your taxes go.’

Bong Revilla’s speech was 14-page long, typed, double-spaced on 8 1/2-by-11-inch bond paper. The font used was Comic Sans.

After the emotional and highly-anticipated privilege speech, Bong Revilla felt good. But Butch Abad felt better.

Krissy
Reacting to Bong Revilla’s criticism of his brother, Kris Aquino said, “Silence is better than BS (bullshit).” And Bong was like, “Is that for me o ‘note to self?’

11Anti-Corrupt
A group calling itself ‘Samahan ng Kontra Korap’ has expressed its support for Bong Revilla. Members of ‘Kontra Korap’ claim they do not know Bong personally. Also, they do not know the meaning of ‘irony.’

CBCP’s Call
The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines urged Filipinos not to condemn pork barrel thieves. Quoting a verse from the Bible, CBCP President Socrates Villegas said, “Who are we to condemn? Let the one who has no sin be the first to cast a stone.” To which God replied, “Ewan ko sa ‘yo!”

CBCP President Socrates Villegas said Filipinos must not condemn people who stole taxpayers’ money. Coming from someone who doesn’t pay taxes, that’s totally understandable.
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“Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.”
~Voltaire

1212Sound Bites
“Tama na po ang awayan, tigilan na ang pulitika ng paghihiwalay. Tama na ang pambebengga.”
~Bong Revilla, June 9, 2014. Senate.

‘k.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Rappler, SolarTVNews’ Tricia De Leon]

LEAKED: THE PRIVILEGE SPEECH 2

ON MONDAY, Bong Revilla is scheduled to deliver yet another privilege speech. Last night, alleged portions of the speech were leaked online. Here are some excerpts from the original draft.

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12: “Unang-una, gusto kong magpahayag ng suporta sa One Direction at sa kanilang mga fans. Sa One Directioners, tulungan n’yong mag-trend ang speech ko ngayong hapon. Please lang.”

11: “Humihingi po ako ng paumanhin kay Ms Rosa Rosal dahil ang tema ng aking talumpati ay hango sa pamagat ng kanyang programa – Damayan. Makukulong din lang ako, eh ‘di damay-damay na.”

10: “Sana’y nanonood ngayong hapon sina Budget Sec. Butch Abad at Agriculture Sec. Proceso Alcala. Kayo ang bida rito.”

9: “Mas pinili kong magsalita kaysa manahimik ngayong hapon dahil malamang sa hindi, ito na ang aking huling privilege speech. Mami-miss ko ‘to, promise.”

8: “Nang magtalumpati ako noong Enero, nabanggit ko ang linyang, ‘Anak ng teteng!’ Ang tanong sa akin ng ilang taong nakasalubong ko, ‘Ano ba ang etymology ng word na ‘teteng?’ Ang sagot ko sa kanila, ‘Ano ba ang etymology?’ Boom peyns!”

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7: “Hindi ako natatakot makulong dahil entitled naman ako sa conjugal visits. Si Ricardo Camata nga, convicted na pero nadalaw pa rin ng starlets at dancers; ako pa kaya?!”

6: “Noong Holy Week, nagtungo po ako sa Holy Land. Humingi ako ng sign kay God. Sabi ko, “Lord, kung talagang mahal mo ako, hindi mo ako pababayaan. Hindi mo ako hahayaang makulong. Give me a sign Lord! Minutes later, nakasalubong ko do’n si Hayden Kho at nagkabati kami. ‘Yon yata ang sign. Ang pangit.”

5: “Inuulit ko: hindi ako masamang tao, hindi ako magnanakaw, hindi ako mandarambong, at hindi ako sure kung maniniwala kayo! I don’t care.”

4: “Wala pong katotohanan ang sinulat ng isang tabloid columnist na papalitan ang pamagat ng aking programa sa telebisyon at tatawaging ‘Handcuffs Amazing Stories.’ Paninira lang po ‘yan.”

3: “Naniniwala po akong habang may buhay, may pag-asa. Kung natalo ka sa umpisa, may pagkakataon ka pang bumawi. So ito lang ang masasabi ko: Go LeBron! Go Heat!”

janet 1
2: “Masyado na pong namemersonal ang aking mga kalaban. Kung ‘yong asawa ko nga raw, nagawa kong lokohin, eh ‘yon pa kayang taumbayan na ‘di ko kaanu-ano? May point. Actually. Pero ayaw ko na silang patulan.”

1: “Sa nauna kong privilege speech… nabanggit kong I have been demonized in the media. Nakakalungkot po; nakakalungkot po dahil pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng talumpati kong ‘yon ay nag-text po ang demonyo sa akin. Ang sabi: huwag ko raw ikumpara ang sarili ko sa kanya. ‘T*ng-ina! Ang hard.”
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“Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.”
~Alfred E. Neuman

00Sound Bites
“Arresting and detaining the three senators make up only the formal start of the quest to exact justice and accountability for the plunder of taxpayer money. The pork barrel scam was a P10-billion operation that involved hundreds, perhaps thousands, of individuals.”
~’Triple Whammy’ – Editorial, Philippine Daily Inquirer, 06/07/2014

Poll Results
Offensive ba ang Hong Kong textbook na naglarawan sa mga Filipino bilang domestic helper?

-Hindi, pero ramdam mong may malisya. Alam mo na! Hong Kong ‘yan. 50.31%
-Yes. 36.65%
-No. 13.04%

Let the Filipino taxpayers’ quest for justice begin! Justice for all!
Next batch please!

[Photos: Newsflash.Org, Rappler, Philippine Daily Inquirer]

AMAZING!

FILIPINOS are still talking about Sen. Bong Revilla’s privilege speech last Monday. As expected, the public is divided on the issue: 50 percent sided with pork scam whistleblowers while 50 percent hated Bong Revilla.

To Senator Revilla’s credit, dozens actually believed everything that he said. All of them were Ramon Revilla Sr.’s children.

BONG
After the speech, wheelchair-bound Ramon Revilla Sr. faced the media to defend his son, Bong. To which, Nanay Curing Villar said, “Walang originality! Hmpf!”

In his privilege speech last Monday, Bong Revilla vehemently denied the accusations being leveled against him. And he felt really strange – mainly because in the past, when his wife would accuse him of something, he’d usually admit to it and apologize.

An enraged Bong Revilla said, “I have nothing to do with this scam, those whistleblowers, nor Janet Lim-Napoles. I have no dealings or transactions with them.” When God heard this, he slapped an angel.

The actor turned senator ended his speech saying, “I am not afraid. I have already surrendered my fate to the Lord.” His wife Lani Mercado was also quoted to have said, “We lift it all to the Lord.” Sought for reaction, the Lord said, “Kung maka-namedrop naman kayo! Tse!”

Bong Revilla coined the term ‘Boy Pick-up’ to describe Mar Roxas. But the DILG chief said Thursday, “Wala akong hard feelings sa kanya.” And Korina Sanchez was like, “I can relate.”

#Throwback
Before ‘Boy Pick-up,’ there was ‘Boy Bawang.’
mar

Revenge
Bong Revilla has filed plunder charges against pork barrel scam whistleblowers – proving once again that veteran action stars can be great comedians.

Hammer Time
CNN reported that five thieves armed with hammers robbed a jewelry store in Memphis, Tennessee. Shoppers were shocked when they learned that at least 65 Rolex watches were stolen, and were even more shocked when President Aquino and Mar Roxas showed up at the crime scene.

God-Given?
Pope Francis says the Internet is a gift from God. A slow Internet connection however is a work of the devil.

gmaImelda and Gloria
Former First Lady Imelda Marcos visited former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo at the Veterans Memorial Medical Center. According to Imelda, the government’s treatment of GMA “is so cruel… so unjust. It is not human.” When Manila Film Center ghosts heard this, they died (again).

According to the Ilocos Norte representative, the government is unjust and cruel to GMA. Imelda Marcos championing against injustice will be like Tito Sotto standing up against plagiarism.

Diet
According to ABS-CBN News, Robin Padilla’s wife, Mariel Rodriguez is now on her 11th day of a 16-day juice diet. The nutritionist’s advice to Mariel? Strictly no meat, no rice, and no partying at Privé.
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“No guilt is forgotten so long as the conscience still knows of it.”
~ Stefan Zweig, Beware of Pity

Sound Bites
“The internet, in particular, offers immense possibilities for encounter and solidarity. This is something truly good, a gift from God.”
~Pope Francis

“That he did not do so while the impeachment court was in session makes him an accessory to the conspiracy he now complains about. That he is doing so now, after plunder charges have been filed against him, makes him sound like a gossipmonger who tries to project an air of innocence by smearing everyone else around him. No reasonable person can seriously assign any value to his speech.”
~Prof. Randy David, Kap’s Amazing Stories [Read full article here.]

O, loko!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Marcos Pa Rin FB]

THE PRIVILEGE SPEECH

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101 Reasons Why Filipinos Should Sympathize With and Believe in the Innocence
of Sen. Bong Revilla on the Pork Barrel Scam

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“It’s exhausting, the energy it takes to unknow a truth.”
~Chuck Palahniuk, Doomed