UNDAS 2011


IT’S THAT ANNUAL tradition again. We remember the dead by visiting them in memorial parks. They actually have an option to visit the living but few people are happy with the idea.

Unfortunately, the Arroyos cannot just leave their homes and go to the cemetery. I heard Justice Secretary Leila De Lima wanted them to seek permission first.

Every Filipino Catholic family is expected to visit their dearly departed in the cemetery. Take that Marcos family!

Trick or treating is a Halloween tradition observed around the world. Yesterday, children in costumes visited the Times Street residence of President Aquino. The President gave candies and toys to every kid except for one who’s infamously known in neighborhood for being rebellious. So instead of candies and toys, the President gave him P5M.

This coming week, President Aquino will go to Manila Memorial Park to visit his parents. Susan Roces will be at the Manila North Cemetery to visit FPJ. Migs Zubiri will also go the cemetery to visit his political career.


Reports say the cost of flowers have gone up yet again. Militants are upset. Saying the price increase was unjust and anti-poor, they denounced the Big 3: Chrysanthemum, Orchids, and Roses.

Every Undas season, people love talking about scary places in the Philippines. There’s Quezon City’s Balete Drive; Baguio City’s Laperal White House, and the latest but scariest place of them all, the MILF’s “area of temporary stay.”

Also during Undas, people love sharing really scary stories. Here’s mine: Jacinto and Erlinda Ligot who have been ordered arrested for tax evasion are now missing! Awooooo!

IN THE NEWS…
The Department of Justice has indicted director and almost National Arist Carlo J. Caparas for tax evasion. I wonder when will he be indicted for making those awful movies.

Claudine/Raymart
Celebrity couple Claudine Barretto and Raymart Santiago have released a joint statement denying rumors they have separated. Claudine and Raymart insist they are committed to their marriage, to their children, and  to their product endorsements.

Claudine Barretto and Raymart Santiago have released a joint statement. A few weeks from now, Raymart is expected to “withdraw” the statement.
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“I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.”
~Bob Monkhouse

iGuess No. 1:
An incumbent member of the House of Representatives is showcasing strangeness on Twitter. It’s as if a person of multiple personalities has been posting those tweets. Weird. Is this congressperson on drugs?

iGuess No. 2:
A recent confrontation between a famous couple turned nasty. Wifey tried to attack hubby with a bladed weapon. Hubby tried to defend self. The fight was witnessed by one of wifey’s siblings who happened to be visiting the couple. Sibling tried to pacify incensed sister and was hurt instead. Hubby rushed sibling-in-law to the hospital. Clues: Wifey is related to a politician. Hubby is ‘from” South America.

Personal
October 29, 2011: Happy birthday to Mr. Eugenio Abunda Jr. You’re the best Kuya Boy! Maraming salamat!

Have fun! Enjoy your long weekend! Take care!

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iGuess

BECAUSE THE PEOPLE involved are keeping it a secret, we’ll keep their identities a secret. Good luck!

iGuess No.1:
Sometime in September 2011, a newborn baby was welcomed to the Christian world. Proud Mama was there. Proud Papa was also there. But Proud Mama and Proud Papa are not a couple – legally. Proud Papa, a politician is a married man. Sources say the legal wife is aware of the affair and she has forgiven him. He’s a very good provider anyway.

iGuess No. 2:
Contrary to earlier claims by both camps, Mr. Politician and Beautiful Celebrity actually dated! Pero ‘yon na ‘yon! Mr. Politician never even reached “second base.” He was not just her type. A health buff, Beautiful Celebrity described his “habit” as a big turnoff. And the hypersalivation was disgusting, she told closest friends. Foamy? Eeew.

iGuess No.3:
After their breakup, she found a new love while he remained single. She’s reportedly living in now with the new guy. Here’s the catch. The happy couple’s love nest was purchased with half of her ex-boyfriend’s money. Nasaan ka delicadeza?

Personal
Join our regular weekend quiz on Twitter!

#QUIZtion happens every Saturday night between 8:30 and 11 o’clock. No registration required. Just follow me on Twitter: @HecklerForever, wait for the question and then tweet your answer with the hashtag #QUIZtion. First three persons to tweet the correct answer will be recognized and shall receive heaps of praises, 10 seconds of fame, and an indescribable feeling of fulfillment. Tip: If you’re using a laptop or a desktop computer, download Tweetdeck to increase your chances of making it on the elite winners’ list.


Last Saturday, ABS-CBN News’ Jeff Canoy posted a rare 4-peat, winning four times during the entire quiz. GMA News’ Joseph Morong and Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Abigail Lim Ho also won that night. Deputy presidential spokesman Abigail Valte’s highest placement last Saturday was 12th. Former congressman Ruffy Biazon used to join the quiz until his appointment to the Bureau of Customs. ARMM Assemblyman Zia Alonto Adiong is also a regular.


Don’t be intimidated guys. You can beat them! I’ll wait for you! Good luck!

Happy weekend!

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‘HIGH-RANKING’ GOSSIP

A DOSE of blind items for your weekend. Any guesses?

You’re Fired!
The wife of a High-Ranking Politician had his female assistant fired.
Nope, the High-Ranking Politician and the female assistant didn’t have an affair.
Here’s what happened:
Mr High-Ranking Politician was recently linked to a famous actress.
He just laughed off the rumor. She denied it.
Apparently, the wife of Mr High-Ranking Politician believed otherwise.
The wife suspected that the fired female assistant acted as the “bugaw” of famous actress.

Who is Mr High-Ranking Politician? Hate na hate niya ang balut at lagi mo siyang makikita sa kalsada.
Who is the famous actress? Nasa dugo lang ‘yan.

Thormentor
This will be short.
The nephew of Mr. High-Ranking Politician is a violent boy.
One time, he got mad at the family driver and hit him with a hammer. Wow. Who do you think you are kid? Thor?
Somebody close to the family of Mr. High-Ranking Politician said, “Eh kasi naman may pagmamanahang parent. Ang ginagawa ng matanda, gagayahin ng bata.”

Sayang…  tunog “royalty” pa naman si  “parent.”

Irreconcilable
The marriage IS really over.
Mr. High-Ranking Politician is hoping for reconciliation. The wife does not.
The wife has been co-financing the projects of new partner according to someone ‘really’ close to the guy.
She has also been spotted in events where new partner is a performer.

Time to move on Mr. Politician.

Monster-in-Law? 
Apparently, all’s not well between Mr. High-Ranking Government Official’s mother and his wife.
Despite the high-profile union, the mother-in-law has never really developed a fondness for her son’s partner.
When she’s with her amiga, the feisty mother refers to her daughter-in-law as “that woman.”

Ouch. The husband must be feeling her pain.
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“Show me someone who never gossips, and I’ll show you someone who isn’t interested in people.”
~Barbara Walters

Have a great weekend!

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THE WHO

THIS IS Final Jeopardy! Our category: THE WHO!
Answer:
Hindi si Ricky Lo,
Hindi si Deo Macalma,
Marunong mag-blind item,
Gabinete iniintriga!

Who is… The President?
Siya na nga!

GUESS THE CURSE, RIDE A PORSCHE!
“Sa totoo lang ho, mayroon kasing mga ibang miyembro ng Gabinete – mga dalawa, tatlo – kada makita ko, kaagad iniisip ko, ‘Ano kayang bad news ang dala-dala nito?’ Pinipilit ko na lang po na harapin, dahil talagang, kako itong taong ito, talagang penitensya ko na yata sa mundong ito.”
~President Aquino

For a chance to ride the President’s Porsche, correctly identify the three Cabinet members. To join, just key in PENITENSYA (space) Answers separated by a slash (space) Your Name, Age, Address, Short message to the President, and Signature, and send to 1-908-1-INTRIGERO. Entries without signature will be considered invalid.
Example of a valid entry:
PENITENSYA De Lima/Robredo/Ochoa Kristeta Escudero, 45, Marikina City, ‘Bakit ba may gano’ng hirit pa? Kawawa naman ang mga opisyal na tinutukoy mo! Kung ayaw mo sa kanila, sana kinausap mo na lang. Nakakaloka ka!’ (Signature to follow)

Rules:
1: The contest is open to all Filipino (or former Filipino) citizens of all ages, sexual orientation, and political affiliation.
2: The President and the members of his Cabinet, and their relatives up to the second degree of consanguinity or affinity are disqualified from joining the contest.
3: Kept women (if any) of Cabinet members are allowed to join the contest provided that their illicit affair won’t be exposed to the public 30 days before and after the contest.
4. Winners shall be announced live by President Aquino himself after his State of the Nation Address on July 25, 2011. There will be a delayed telecast at NBN 4 on the same date at 9PM preempting the live lotto draw.
5:Three lucky texters will have the opportunity to ride the President’s Porsche for a day.
6:The decision of the board of judges may not be final and may be appealed to the Supreme Court.

Text na!

Inspired by the President, here are three additional blind items:
Item No. 1:
Miss Finland is a cousin of Mr. High-Ranking Government Official.
Miss Finland used to have a girlfriend, female celeb Denmark Somalia.
Miss Finland and Denmark Somalia have since called it quits.
These days, Denmark Somalia is going out with Mr. High-Ranking Government Official’s other cousin, a guy.
Denmark Somalia is a certified chickboy: puwede sa chick, puwede sa boy.

Item No. 2:
What do feisty broadcaster Thailand Rwanda, and high-ranking official, Aruba Poland have in common?
They were once linked to the same woman – local politician, Bulgaria!

Item No. 3: (Courtesy of Alvin Elchico of dzMM’s SRO)
Government official Panama has been spotted at least four times at President Tower condo located at Timog Avenue, Quezon City with sexy singer, Albania. All along, I thought Albania would end up marrying veteran singer Hungary. Hiwalay na pala sila? Nakakapagtaka naman.

Fight of the Weak
President Aquino vs. Cotabato City Mayor Japal Guiani
“Kahapon po yata meron akong miyembro ng Gabinete ko na may kausap na ama ng kanyang lungsod. At wala hong bukambibig iyong ama ng lungsod na ‘to na amin pong dinalaw kundi po puro reklamo. Ang kawani po ng kasundaluhan at kapulisan ang siyang tumitibag ng tinatawag na water hyacinths. Pagkakataon na ito may problema para mapagbuklod ang ating mga komunidad para may patunguhan. Awa ng diyos, mukhang mahina ang pandinig ng kagalang-galang natin na mayor sa lugar na ‘yun, wala po siyang napakinggan. Pagpalain na lang siya ng Diyos.”
~President Aquino on Cotabato City Mayor Japal Guiani

Photo of the Week (Courtesy of Myra Gravoso Ramirez)
Titles sent by my Twitter followers:
From @torchie82: Ang Bakya Mo Nonong
From @joyagustin: High Heels
From @EdenBrion: Chairnelas
From @macevangelista: Stoollettos

Can you think of other titles for this photo?

Enjoy your weekend! Ingat!

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LOVE CHILDREN

My Lover, My Wife
Ms. Saintly is going to be a mother again courtesy of a married politician – again. It will be his second love child with the same mistress. Talk about loyalty. Ms Saintly is in the United States right now and is scheduled to give birth on or before the end of June. Why is the wife tolerating the affair? Ewan ko. Pumunta ka na lang sa Greece at itanong mo sa mga tindera sa palengke.


April 3rd
On this day in…

1513: Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon landed in Florida… and immediately expressed support for the Miami Heat.

1934: Jane Goodall evolved, i mean, was born.

1926: American astronaut Virgil Grissom is born. Decades later, he shifted to forensics and joined CSI.

1985: Leona Lewis was born. Asked to describe his wife as she was giving birth, Leona’s dad said, “She’s bleeding love.”

2010: The Apple iPad went on sale… marking a new phase in the ratings war between and among local TV news programs.

Thanks to Wikipedia, History On This Day, Those Were the Days, and the National Historical Institute.

Have a great day! Enjoy the rest of the week!

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i GUESS

The Who No. 1: A politico who lost in the May 10 polls was offered a job by a major network. But sources say he has declined the offer because losing politico feels that his “short stint” is just a form of “audition” – kapag nag-click, tatagal ka. kapag hindi, umalis ka. Also, he’s ‘friends’ with the person he’s supposed to replace. If ever he’ll accept the job, politico was quoted to have said “Dapat ‘yong TF ko, kapareho ng TF ni ______.” Aba, demanding!

The Who. No. 2: Kalachuchi, a person ‘really’ close to very powerful “Aster Bougainvillea” called up “Jasmin Lilac” and offered him the current post held by “Red Rose.” But “Jasmin Lilac” rejected the offer. A close pal said, “Hindi niya feel ang ganung trabaho. Ayaw niyang lumalabas-labas at kung saan-saang sulok pumupunta.” Besides, “Jasmin Lilac” was only the second choice for the position. Aster Bougainvillea’s original pick was “Sunflower Violet” but the latter won his bid for a higher elective post. Previous appointees to the post were “Mimosa Eucalyptus,” a big loser in the May 10 polls, and “Ranunculus Boxwood,” his adversary who won it big last elections.

The Who No. 3: Female staff member (FSM) of victorious “Bear Eagle Jaguar” called up a friend who works in the entertainment industry. FSM said, “Ihanap mo naman si sir.” FSM’s friend asked, “Hanap ng?” FSM replied: “Girlfriend. Sa August kasi puwede na! One year na.” Last year, “Bear Eagle Jaguar” was linked to glamorous “Gazelle Rhinoceros,” kagagawan ni “Kangaroo Aardvark” who’s close to “Bear Eagle Jaguar’s” dad – “Snail Kangaroo’s” most hated man these days.


June 2nd
On this date in…

1740: Marquis de Sade, the first known sadist, is born. His mom labored for three weeks before he decided to come out… officially making her his first victim.

1886: Grover Cleveland becomes the first US president to wed during his term… despite vehement objection from his youngest sister who never really approved of his girlfriend, a town councilor

1898: Spanish General Leopoldo Garcia, with 900 infantry troops and 80 artillerymen armed with guns and ammunition, surrenders to the Filipino forces in Cavite… armed with anting-anting, agimat and bertud.

1904: Olympian Johnny Weissmuller is born… by swimming out of his mother’s womb.

1953: Queen Elizabeth II is crowned at a coronation ceremony in Westminster Abbey in London. But her advisers encountered a problem when, after her coronation, she refused to stay at the Buckingham Palace citing “negative vibes.”

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Personal
Fellow LA Lakers fans, these articles are for you:
CNN SI’s Jack McCallum: It’s simple: Kobe is the best player — better than MVP LeBron
CNN SI’s Ian Thomsen: Countdown: LeBron was MVP, but Kobe is the King of Clutch

And here’s the complete schedule of this year’s NBA Finals.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

MR. POGI

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:YZU5ulWuzcPBQM:http://mycatbirdseat.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/blindfold-c-s.jpg Thorn Between Two Lovers

BETWEEN regular posts, I will try to share some juicy blind items on political personalities. For my non-Facebook pals, here’s one from a very reliable source:

The Location
Somewhere up north.

The Scene
Wannabe politician “Pennsylvania Michigan” was canoodling with “RhodeIsland Kentucky” when Pennsylvania Michigan’s other paramour, wannabe politician “Missouri Arkansas” arrived unannounced.

Aides of Pennsylvania Michigan advised Missouri Arkansas to wait in the living room.

After more than one hour, Pennsylvania Michigan and RhodeIsland Kentucky emerged from the room and headed downstairs.

Shocked to see RhodeIsland Kentucky, an irate Missouri Arkansas confronted Pennsylvania Michigan, and yelled: “Pinaghintay mo ‘ko?!? Pinaghintay mo ‘ko ng ganung katagal dahil lang dito? Sino ba ‘to?”

That moment, Pennsylvania Michigan felt like Brad Pitt torn between Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston.

Postscript
RhodeIsland Kentucky’s dad is also seeking an elective post in the coming elections.

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“Adultery is the application of democracy to love.”
~Henry Louis Mencken

bb Briefly Noted
I just saw Bongbong Marcos’ new political ad. It says, “Tuloy tuloy… ASIKASONG BONGBONG.” Buhay pa pala siya?!? At bigla raw niya tayong “inasikaso.” Meh ganun?