ALL APOLOGIES

IN A PASTORAL STATEMENT read by outgoing CBCP president Nereo Odchimar Monday, the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines apologized to the members of the Catholic Church after several bishops got embroiled in the PCSO fund controversy. Here’s a portion of that letter [and what the CBCP wanted to say but couldn’t in parentheses.]

Our Dear People of God,
[Mga Tagasunod,]

Our Mother Church has been deeply wounded by the controversies in the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office that have erupted in the past two weeks.
[Nitong mga nakaraang linggo, sumusobra na kayo. Pikon na ang Simbahan. As in!]

Some members of the Church believe in the innocence of the bishops involved in the issue, while others do not.
[Kung ayaw n’yong maniwala, ‘wag!]

There is no doubt that everywhere in the Church there is great sorrow.
[Kung saan-saan na kami nagdasal, ayaw pa ring tumigil!]

We your pastors are one with you.
[Higit kailanman, kailangan namin kayo ngayon.]

… we are sorry for the pain and sadness that these events have brought upon you.
[‘Sensya na, tao lang.]

We are saddened that many of you… have been confused because of the apparent inconsistency of our actions…
[Hindi lang kayo ang ‘confused!’ Marami ring pari at obispo ang confused!’]

As we express our sadness, we also ask you to be slow in judgment…
[‘Wag kayong mapanghusga. Bakit?! Talaga namang kadiri ang same-sex marriage ah. Judgmental ba ‘yon?]

Let us seek the truth always in charity.
[Lalabas din ang katotohanan. Basta ang donasyon, ituloy n’yo lang.]

We assure you that the bishops concerned are ready to accept responsibility for their action…
[Kinastigo na namin at binantaang ititiwalag. Kapag ‘di pa naman nagtanda ‘yong mga ‘yon, ewan na lang.]

We assure you that their action was done without malice.
[Maliban na lang do’n sa isa. Nakadalawang sulat pala ang damuho! Ang kapal talaga ng mukha!]

Out of their sincere desire to help their people, they failed to consider the pitfalls to which these grants could possibly lead them.
[Kita n’yo na? Fault n’yo ‘to eh! Kayo ang dahilan kung bakit nagawa ng mga obispo ‘yon!]

They have also expressed their readiness to do everything that is necessary to heal this wound so that we can all move forward in hope.
[Ibabalik na nga namin ang mga sasakyan eh. Ba’t ba ang kulit n’yo? Anong akala n’yo sa ‘min? Patay-gutom? Mas mayaman ang Simbahan kesa sa PCSO ‘no?]

We shall examine our values in the light of our vocation to be disciples of Jesus Christ.
[Masakit pero kakayanin.]

We plead with you to walk with us in this path of constant renewal.
[Akala ng Noynoy na ‘yan, siya lang ang may matuwid na daan!? Kami rin!]

We express again our deep sorrow for the pain that the recent events have brought to you our beloved people.
[Paulit-ulit na kaming nagso-sorry. Akala n’yo ba madaling gawin ‘to? Hindi!]

The good Lord knows our love for you.
[Kaya nga kami nag-request ng 4 x 4, para mabisita namin kayo ‘di ba? Hindi pa ba sapat na pruweba ‘yan ng aming pagmamahal?]

The words of the Psalmist come to our mind: “My sacrifice, a contrite spirit. A humbled, contrite heart you will not spurn.”
[Patawad na kasi, ano ba?!]

As the same Psalmist addresses the Lord, we take his words as our own to encourage and challenge us: “Indeed you love truth in the heart; then in the secret of my heart teach me wisdom.”
[Natuto na kami. Promise, ‘di na mauulit.]

For the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines,
[‘Tapos na ang termino ko! Isang malaking good luck sa kapalit ko!]

+NEREO P. ODCHIMAR, D.D.
Bishop of Tandag
President, Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines
July 11, 2011

Margie vs. Manoling
The word war between PCSO chair Margie Juico and former PCSO chair Manoling Morato is getting personal – and ugly. Morato accused Juico of “charging even her sanitary napkins to PCSO.” In all fairness to Manoling, he uses his own money to buy one.

Caught
A saltwater crocodile suspected of killing and devouring a fisherman had been caught in Brgy. Rio Tuba, Bataraza, Palawan. But the croc insists a case cannot be filed against him citing parliamentary immunity.
——————————————————————-
“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”
~Kimberly Johnson

Quote of the Weak
“Margie Juico has been charging her grocery bills and even sanitary napkins to PCSO.”
~Former PCSO Chair/Director Manoling Morato

Have a safe and productive week!

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EXCOMMUNICATION

BREAKING NEWS: Malacañang has denied rumors that President Aquino has abandoned Roman Catholicism for another religion. Likewise, palace sources insist there’s no truth to rumors that the President is forming his own ministry called, “Ang Tuwid na Daan.”


The CBCP’s Threat
Interviewed on Radio Veritas, CBCP president and Tandag, Surigao del Sur Bishop Nereo Odchimar said the Catholic Church might excommunicate President Aquino if the government pushed through with a plan to distribute contraceptives. In the same interview, Bishop Odchimar appealed to Andres Bonifacio and the Katipuneros to surrender to the Spanish government.

The CBCP’s Threat II
Malacañang is reportedly unfazed by CBCP president Nereo Odchimar’s excommunication threat. Palace insiders say President Aquino will neither bow to nor be cowed by the CBCP president… unless he’s Chinese.

This just in!
CBCP president Bishop Nereo Odchimar has denied saying that President Aquino may be excommunicated. He insisted that his statement was “taken out of context” and “blown out of proportion” by the media. “Taken out of context” and “Blown out of proportion” – Hmm, is Odchimar a member of the CBCP or the Presidential Communications Group?


Heckling Tour Guide
Social activist/Manila tour guide and Reproductive Health Bill advocate Carlos Celdran was arrested and detained Thursday for disrupting a mass at the Manila Cathedral. Dressed in a Jose Rizal-inspired outfit, Celdran stood in front of the altar, flashed a sign that read, “Damaso,” and shouted, “Stop getting involved in politics” in protest of the Church’ anti-RH Bill stance. Celdran was detained for almost 24 at the Manila Police District Station 5 in Ermita during which he started to write two novels.

Reports say Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim together with some soldiers, and policemen were attending mass at the Manila Cathedral when Carlos Celdran staged a solo protest action Thursday. Interviewed by GMA News, the police said it was Mayor Lim who ordered that Celdran be taken into custody. Lim is expected to deny that.

Manila tour guide Carlos Celdran was detained for disrupting a mass at the Manila Cathedral Thursday. The visibly upset priest decided to cut short the mass… and ordered Basilio and Crispin to usher Celdran out of the cathedral.

Light Bites: Modern Dictionary
Ex.Communication, noun: Term that may be used to describe Secretaries Herminio Coloma, Ricky Carandang and Atty. Edwin Lacierda if they don’t get their act together
Example: Uy, ex.communication group head na pala si blah-blah! Kailan pa?

The IIRC Report: Reviewed
Malacañang says Executive Sec. Paquito Ochoa and Chief Presidential Legal Counsel Eduardo de Mesa have finished reviewing the IIRC report on the August 23 hostage crisis. Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda says the results of the review will be posted at http://www.gov.ph. It will be uploaded five hours after it appears on www.gov.cn.

Miriam vs. Chavit
There’s an ongoing war between Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago and Ilocos Sur Governor Luis “Chavit’ Singson. The rift surprises a number of people mainly because neither Miriam nor Chavit belongs to either the Balay or the Samar Group.


On her Twitter account, Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago called Ilocos Sur Governor Luis Singson, “Sabit Singson.” Singson retaliated by calling Santiago, “Brenda” on his Friendster shoutout.

Splitsville?
Persistent rumors say President Aquino and his girlfriend have called it quits. Observers believe the President would have not quit on the girl if her name was “Smoking.”

President Aquino and his girlfriend reportedly broke up. And Enrico Puno was like, “Don’t look at me!”

Rumors say the President and his girlfriend have separated. And Kris Aquino was like, “Win na Win!”

No to Smoking
Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad has endorsed the Philippine Medical Association’s new smoking ban policy. And people were like, “Ahh, break na nga!”

In Entertainment
An amended petition filed by the lawyers of Kris Aquino claims the TV host and James Yap both have “personality disorders” since their youth. And I was like, is that even news?
———————————-
“That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spotlight
Losing my religion”

~ REM, Losing My Religion

Survey Says
Sa isyu ng impeachment case laban kay Ombudsman Gutierrez, ano ang dapat gawin ng Kongreso:
– ITULOY ang pagdinig kahit labag sa order ng Supreme Court! 40.7%
– SUNDIN ang status quo ante order ng Korte para walang gulo. 47.98%
– Hindi ko alam ang isyu. 11.32%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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