AYON SA MGA BITUIN, TOO

The Stars and the
Vice Presidential Candidates

NAGAGALAK ang mga bituin sa matagumpay na first installment ng kanyang mga hula sa siyam na kandidato sa pagkapangulo.

Patunay ng tagumpay ang pagkalat ng artikulong “AYON SA MGA BITUIN” sa iba’t ibang blogs, Internet forums, social networking sites katulad ng Facebook, sa isang political TV talk show, at lalung-lalo na sa e-mail. Maging si Professional Heckler ay tumanggap ng naturang email mula sa isa niyang kamag-anak sa ibang bansa na may ganitong Subject: “Basahin mo ‘to ‘insan, nakakatawa!” Sumagot si Professional Heckler: “’Insan, are u insane? Mas patawa ka! Sa aking blog nanggaling ‘yan! Tanga!”

Sa kabila ng pagkalat at pag-ikot ng artikulong ‘yan sas cyberspace (na kadalasa’y wala man lang attribution sa orihinal na author), malaki pa rin ang pasasalamat ng mga bituin sa inyong walang sawang pagtangkilik.

Dahil diyan, nabuo ang “AYON SA MGA BITUIN, TOO” – matapang na mga hula para sa mga kandidato sa pagka-pangalawang pangulo.

Ngunit bunsod ng patuloy na pag-init ng panahon, mainit din ang ulo ng mga bituin. Prangka sila ngayon. Unahin na natin si…

Jejomar “Jojo” Binay
Puwersa ng Masang Pilipino
Born: November 11, 1941
Sign: Scorpio
Isa ka sa pinakamapalad na pulitiko sa Pilipinas ngayon. Mula 1986 ay nasa kapangyarihan ka na at ang iyong pamilya. Sinong mag-aakalang nine years old pa lamang ang unico ijo mong si Junjun nang una kang maluklok sa Republika ng Makati? Intact pa ang balat sa “junjun” ni Junjun nang magsimula ang iyong paghahari. Fast-forward to 2010, biyudo na si Junjun ngunit nasa puwesto ka pa rin. Lupet! Siguro Energizer ka, “It keeps going and going and going.” O baka naman Banco Filipino, “Subok na Matibay. Subok na Matatag.” Pero dahil ikaw ay pulitiko, malamang na-inspire ka ng Sprite, “Obey your thirst.”

Dalawampu’t apat na taon ka nang sinusuwerte. Hindi ka nakakaranas ng pagkatalo. Ngunit sabi nga ng mga kaibigan kong planeta, “There is always a first time.” At mararanasan mo ‘yan ngayong darating na Mayo.

Jose “Jay” Sonza
Kilusang Bagong Lipunan
Born: September 20, 1955
Sign: Virgo
Kung sinumang nag-udyok na ika’y tumakbo sa pagka-bise presidente ay may lihim na galit sa ‘yo. Huwag itong palampasin. Hanapin siya at papanagutin.

Mabibigo ka sa darating na eleksyon ngunit muling aangat ang iyong career sa telebisyon. Maging ang kapartido mong si Imelda Papin ay hindi rin papalarin sa pagka-senador. Bago matapos ang taon, magsasama kayo sa isang talk show, ang “Mel and Jay.”

Paalala lamang ng mga bituin: huwag na huwag huhubarin ang suot na salamin upang ‘di paghinalaang ikaw at si Binay ay iisa.

Dominador Chipeco
Ang Kapatiran Party
Born: Feb 14, 1943
Sign: Aquarius
Nahihirapang basahin ng mga bituin ang iyong kapalaran. Hindi pa sila pamilyar sa iyong personalidad. Maging ang galaw ng mga planeta ay hindi sapat upang mabigyan ka ng payo o babala kaugnay ng nalalapit na halalan. Gayunpaman, may nais iparating na mensahe sa ‘yo ang mga bituin at planeta: Belated Happy Birthday! ‘Yun lang.

Perfecto “Jun” Yasay
Bangon Pilipinas Movement
Born: Jan 27, 1947
Sign:Aquarius
Napag-alaman ng mga bituin na hindi ka raw naniniwala sa horoscope katulad ng standard-bearer mong si Bro. Eddie Villanueva na isa ring Born-Again Christian. Really?

Naku, huwag kang magsinungaling. Baka tamaan ka ng kidlat!

Bayani “BF” Fernando
Bagumbayan Party
Born: July 25, 1946
Sign: Leo
Magtatalo kayo ng kapartido mong si Richard Gordon sa mga susunod na araw. Hindi kasi siya sang-ayon sa mungkahi mong mag-install ng pink urinals sa kahabaan ng Maharlika Highway o Pan-Philippine Highway.

Magkakaroon din ng iringan ang inyong respective wives. Pagtatalunan nina Mayor Kate Gordon at Mayor Marides Fernando kung sino ang karapat-dapat gumanap bilang Megan Fox sa out-of-town campaign ng Transformers.

Eduardo “Edu” Manzano
Lakas-Kampi-CMD
Born: September 14, 1955
Sign: Virgo
Kung suwerte ang pagbabatayan, pumapangalawa ka sa kaaway mong si Jejomar Binay. Imagine, magkukunwari ka lang vice presidential candidate pero anim na beses na mas malaki ang iyong TF kumpara kay Dolphy! Saludo ang mga bituin sa ‘yong mautak at praktikal na desisyon.

May isang payo lang sa ‘yo ang mga bituin: Ingatan ang madalas na out-of-town sorties kasama si Gilbert Teodoro. Alam ng mga bituin ang iyong weakness: madali kang mag-fall. Baka ma-tsismis kayo. Ayaw ni Pinky Webb ng ganyan.

Lorna Regina “Loren” Legarda
Nationalist People’s Coalition/Nacionalista Party
Born: January 28, 1960
Sign: Aquarius
Career-wise, malabong makamit ang ambisyong maging bise-presidente sa darating na Mayo o kahit sa taong 2016 o 2022. Balewalain ang sulsol ng isang matandang senador na minsan na ring nagbitiw sa ‘yo ng linyang, “Don’t give up, love.” Unang-una, hindi birong matalo sa dalawang sunod na eleksyon. At pangalawa, may asawang tao na ang senador na ‘yun. Anong love, love ang pinagsasasabi niya d’yan! Tumigil s’ya!

Dahil sa bigong kandidatura sa ilalim ng NPC/NP alliance, mapapaluhod, mapapapikit, at mapapausal ka ng ganitong panalangin: “Lord, promise, last na talaga ito. Huwag sana kayong magalit. Gusto ko namang itry ang Partido Liberal.”

Manuel “Mar” Roxas II
Liberal Party
Born: May 13, 1957
Sign: Taurus
Maraming vibrations ang mga stars tungkol sa pagsasama n’yo ni Madam Korina. Ngunit baka hindi mo magustuhan ang mga ito at masabihan mo pa ang mga bituin, “I demand that that be removed from the horoscope section! That is an affront to my wife.

Delikado. Baka mag-demand na naman ng apology si Korina.

So ito na lang: Mag-ingat ka sa pro-Binay faction sa Liberal Party. Tumitira sila nang patalikod. Unless, trip mo ‘yun.
—————————-

At sa inyong lahat, laging tandaan ang paalala ni Zenaida “Syzygy” Seva:
“Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran. Gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito.”

Ulitin natin. Pero mas malakas. “Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating…”

Aba, aba, aba at talagang uulitin mo nga. Masunurin ka talaga.

Tama na.

Have a safe and productive week!

Photos were taken from the Facebook accounts of the candidates.
———-
Survey Says
Ilang kandidato sa pagka-senador ang iyong iboboto sa May 10?
12, para sulit ang boto! 36%
Hmm, less than 6. 27%
Wala! Punyeta silang lahat! 36%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
Maraming salamat sa lahat ng kumentong iniiwan n’yo sa blog na ito. Positibo man o negatibo, go lang nang go! I rarely reply to your comments but that doesn’t mean na balewala sa akin ang inyong reaksyon. I appreciate you more than I appreciate our bishops. (Ano raw?) Go Secretary Cabral!

RACE ROUNDUP

IN DECLARING her bid for a Congressional seat in Pampanga, President Arroyo said, “Public service is emblazoned on my DNA.” Geneticists who were monitoring the announcement on TV almost believed Mrs. Arroyo’s claim about the quality of her DNA… until they saw Mikey Arroyo.

Contrary to initial reports, President Arroyo is running against three opponents in next year’s elections. They were identified as… Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao.

A day after Joseph Estrada filed his certificate of candidacy, former congressman Mark Jimenez filed his own CoC. Two ex-convicts are now running for president. Welcome to the Philippines!

Sen. Richard Gordon has joined his nephew, Olongapo City Councilor John Carlos “JC” Gordon De Los Reyes in the presidential derby. With neither uncle nor nephew expected to give way, observers predict a very tight race… for fifth place.

Former MMDA chairman Bayani Fernando, who has been very vocal about his presidential ambitions has decided to run for vice president instead. He is now seeking the endorsement of the Pink Sisters.

Joseph Estrada reportedly got pissed when Nacionalista Party’s Manuel Villar Jr. used his trademark “orange” as official campaign color. This prompted Estrada’s advisers to adopt ‘tangerine’ instead as their new color – a move that further incensed the former president who found it hard to spell ‘tangerine.’

Reelectionist senator Ramon “Bong” Revilla Jr. of Lakas-Kampi-CMD is a guest candidate of at least four other political parties: Partido ng Masang Pilipino, Nationalist People’s Coalition, Nacionalista Party, and Laban ng Demokratikong Pilipino. But that was nothing compared to Sen. Mar Roxas who used to be a guest on at least five: Wowowee, A.S.A.P., The Buzz, SNN, and Rated K.

While other presidentiables filed their certificates of candidacy with throngs of supporters, nobody (not even her husband) accompanied Sen. Jamby Madrigal when she filed her CoC. Jamby was a ‘one-man team.’

Former senator and Dangerous Drugs Board chairman Vicente “Tito” Sotto III will run for senator under the banner of the Nationalist People’s Coalition. He is also a guest candidate… on Eat Bulaga – daily.

The ruling Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party announced Tuesday that lawyer Raul Lambino would be one of its senatorial candidates in the 2010 polls. Two days later though, he was dropped from the slate after he tried to change the party’s charter.

The Commission on Elections has announced that it has discovered a simple but sure way of determining the precise number of morons in the country through next year’s elections. Thanks to the re-election bid of Sen. Lito Lapid.

Ateneo De Manila University professor Danton Remoto will run for senator as an independent candidate. He is open to alliances though but as to which party, he doesn’t know yet. He’s confused.

Television reporter Alex Tinsay is running for senator under Bro. Eddie Villanueva’s ticket. Tinsay, a veteran reporter on GMA 7 has opted to quit his career in broadcast journalism… after getting tired of pretending he’s got one.

According to Comelec, 75 percent of those who filed for national posts were not serious. To illustrate: say, you have Jamby, Erap, Ely Pamatong, and Mark Jimenez… remove the 75 percent and you’re left with Ely Pamatong.

THIS JUST IN!
The latest Pulse Asia survey showed that 43 percent of respondents would “surely not vote for” a presidential candidate endorsed by President Arroyo. Asked if he’d still seek GMA’s endorsement, Gilbert Teodoro said, “Sino ‘yon?”

In Local Politics…
Incumbent Batangas governor, Vilma Santos is seeking re-election. Her husband, former senator Ralph Recto is seeking redemption.

Former First Lady Imelda Marcos is making a political comeback. She just filed her certificate of candidacy for representative of Ilocos Norte’s second district. Her campaign slogan? “The shoe must go on.”

President Arroyo’s staunch ally, Mrs. Lilia Pineda will try her luck again in Pampanga’s gubernatorial race against re-electionist priest-on-leave Among Ed Panlilio. Asked about her chances of winning, a very confident Pineda answered, “Katorse/sais! Tumbok ng otsenta/sahod ng beinte.”

Former Presidential Chief of Staff Mike Defensor is running for mayor of Quezon City against outgoing vice mayor Herbert Bautista. Herbert is keeping the location of his headquarters a secret for fear that Defensor will conduct a raid to “rescue” the actor’s supporters.

Jejomar Erwin “Junjun” Binay Jr., son of outgoing Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay is running for mayor in 2010 – a move that surprised Makati voters who thought that the Binay family [rulers of the city for 23 years now] would endorse their very loyal vice mayor Nestor Mercado for the post. Asked why he refused to give way to Mercado, Junjun Binay said, “because public service is emblazoned on my DNA, too.”

For the first time in the history of Makati City and perhaps, the country’s local politics, the two frontrunners in the mayoral race are both black.

Still in Makati, Cong. Teddyboy Locsin and former congressman Butz Aquino have severed ties with Mayor Jejomar Binay. The Binay family’s control of Makati is now down to 98 percent.

The People’s Champ, Manny Pacquiao made true his promise (or threat) to file his CoC for representative of the lone district of Sarangani Province. To articulate his vision for the province, Pacman has named an official spokesperson: Michael Buffer. [Altogether now: Leeet’s get ready to rumble!]

And finally, Aiko Melendez, Roderick Paulate, Ara Mina, Alfred Vargas, Arnell Ignacio, Isko Moreno, Daisy Reyes, Lani Mercado, Rico J. Puno, Jestoni Alarcon, Cesar Montano, Richard Gomez, Anjo Yllana, Joey Marquez, Alma Moreno, Gian Sotto, Dan Fernandez, Marjorie Barretto, and Jigo Garcia all filed their CoCs for various posts in next year’s elections. The number of celebrities who came out last Tuesday was so huge, Comelec officials thought Noynoy Aquino was shooting another TV ad.
_________
“An election cannot give a country a firm sense of direction if it has two or more national parties which merely have different names but are as alike in their principles and aims as two peas in the same pod.”
~Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Postcript: Sa gitna ng piyesta at karnabal na nagaganap ngayon sa bansa dahil sa eleksyon, ang tanong ng bayan: meron pa ba tayong bise-presidente? Please lang po. Sakaling may impormasyon kayo hinggil sa taong nasa larawan, ipagbigay-alam lamang sa pinakamalapit na presinto. Marami pong salamat.

Survey Says
Your take on President Arroyo’s decision to seek a Congressional seat in Pampanga:
It’s her right. Hayaan na natin. :15%
Immunity from suit ang habol niya! 67%
Who cares, Care Bears? 18%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

I’ve Got Mail!
From Philippine Star columnist Billy Esposo:
US Ambassador Kristie Kenney: “After several years, our people recovered from 9/11.
I pray that the Filipino people will soon recover from the 4’11.”

Have a great weekend!

TYPHOONS!

ATY_erap Typhoon Erap
Devastates the country for two hours and then leaves. Despite the entry of a new disturbance though, it threatens to re-enter the Philippine area of responsibility.

ATY_gma Typhoon Gloria
Continues to pummel the entire Philippines for nine hours now. Gustiness rivals that of Typhoon Marcos in the ‘70s. Initial damage to agriculture is estimated at P728 million. Damage to infrastructure is unknown but initial reports say reconstruction of Macapagal Boulevard alone has cost the government P536 million. It was also able to sustain its strength after interacting with Typhoon Erap. It is forecast to remain almost stationary.

TY_MAR Typhoon Mar
Threatened to enter Philippine territory but after seeing the vigilance of Filipinos, it was forced to back out and gave way to Typhoon Noynoy.

ATY_noy Typhoon Noynoy
Initially categorized as a tropical storm until weather specialists observed a sudden rise in its gustiness and wind speed. After being officially declared a typhoon, it now brings scattered rain showers in Luzon including Metro Manila. Moderate to strong winds are expected to blow toward the Visayas and Mindanao in the coming days. [By the way, beware of typhoon Noynoy’s thunder – it wouldn’t shut up!]

ATY_villar Typhoon Villar
Earlier forecast categorized it as a “super typhoon” maintaining strength in Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao. Roads and road extensions were damaged – twice (double devastation). But the entry of Typhoon Noynoy in Philippine territory has eclipsed its impact. The rest of the country will remain cloudy though.

ATY_bro Typhoon (Brother) Eddie:
A similarly-named typhoon entered the country in 2004 and threatened to pour 5 million centimeters of rainwater in the entire country. You know what happened. The typhoon was re-categorized as a drizzle.

ATY_bayani Typhoon Bayani
This weather disturbance was located at 14° 38′ 24″ North Northwest of Marikina City. Weather experts refused to categorize it as a typhoon because its impact is localized. It did, however attempt to pack maximum sustained winds similar to a tropical storm. But latest satellite data revealed no sign of activity.

ATY_vgibo Typhoon Gibo
It was nowhere near the Philippine area of responsibility until three hours before PAGASA made its latest forecast. In fact, typhoon Bayani’s moderate winds were already blowing east of the metro before Gibo made its presence felt and officially entered Philippine territory. The weather bureau forecasts similarities in the movements of typhoon Gibo and typhoon Gloria although both Gibo and typhoon Noynoy originated approximately 10 miles east of Central Luzon.

aty_binay Typhoon Jejomar
Described by weather specialists as “stubborn” and territorial,” this typhoon has recently threatened the whole country if not for some climatological developments. What’s alarming is that people to tend to ignore Typhoon Jejomar’s ability to destroy. It has remained stationary for 23 years (and counting).

Typhoon JDV
No heavy rains. No lightning. No flooding. It’s all thunder and wind.

ATY_chix Typhoon Loren & Typhoon Chiz
For the first time in local weather history, two typhoons entered the country at the same time making landfall on the same area. The impact is moderate though, without much damage, and both typhoons are expected to leave soon… unless either of them interact with typhoon Erap.

ATY_jamb Typhoon Jamby
The hardest to predict among the weather disturbances. Scattered raindrops will not completely wet an exposed surface regardless of duration. But the public is advised to remain cautious of lightning. Despite the rains, temperatures will remain high.

ATY_puno Typhoon Ronnie (Puno)
No satellite or surface data was made available because… “Tahimik lamang magtrabaho ang Typhoon Ronnie kaya maraming nagagawa (na damage).”
__________
“There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm.”
~ Willa Sibert Cather

Personal
I just read Malaya columnist Lito Banayo’s piece today, October 6. I have one word for him: peace. And to my readers, thank you so so so much. Let’s just get back to work and make this third world country a happy place to live.

Here’s that portion of Mr. Banayo’s column:
“We rushed our article last Friday the previous morning due to a series of early meetings. The night before, a friend e-mailed us this: “Several political personalities and controversial celebrities reportedly used Twitter to express their thoughts on this latest tragedy. Here are samples of unverified posted tweets.”

I saved the very wittily written “tweets”, and on Thursday morning, while I was on a rush for a scheduled meeting, I decided to use them for my Friday, October 2 column. Little did I realize at the time that the witticisms came from “the professional heckler.wordpress.com.” I even added two or so lines to what my friend sent me.

Readers informed me about my non-attribution as early as Friday afternoon, but there was no way I could apologize in print until today. So very sorry, professional heckler, and to the blog’s many followers as well.”

ONDOY’S ONSLAUGHT

Warning: Due to the latest tragedy that struck the country, The Professional Heckler will not be in his usual mean (and funny) self. Apologies.

APTOPIX Philippines Flooding Exodus
Concerned for their survival, one by one, hopeless and worried people started leaving. They were trying to save themselves. Nope, I’m not talking about typhoon victims. I’m referring to members of Lakas CMD-Kampi.

Philippines Flooding Record-Breaking
Weather specialists were stunned at the volume of water brought by tropical storm Ondoy. So powerful was the storm that Bayani Fernando was finally forced to come out of his weeklong seclusion.

Philippines Flooding Devastation
According to news reports, because typhoon Ondoy has caused massive destruction in the country, PAGASA might delete the typhoon’s name from the official list of future weather disturbances in the country. In bigger news, the National Historical Institute is studying if it could delete the names Marcos, Estrada, and Arroyo in the official list of Philippine presidents.


Several political personalities and controversial celebrities reportedly used Twitter to express their thoughts on this latest tragedy. Here are samples of unverified posted tweets.

President Arroyo: “Sabi nila knee-deep lang!? It was chest-deep! Puñeta!”
about 34 hours ago from web

Sen. Mar Roxas: “Ramdam ko kayo. Promise, totoo na ‘yan.”
about 12 hours ago from web

Sen. Manuel Villar: “I am worried about C5 road.”
4:30 AM Sep 25th from web

Sen. Noynoy Aquino: “Will have to meet with the Pink Sisters before deciding on which evacuation center to visit first.”
about 28 hours ago from twitterfeed

Cebu Rep. Antonio Cuenco: “Half of the members of the Lower House will join Noynoy’s planned relief drive.”
about 30 hours ago from web

Sen. Panfilo Lacson: “God Save the Philippines from typhoon Ondoy!”
5:30 PM Sep 25th from UberTwitter

Sen. Jinggoy Estrada: “Baka akala mo porke’t bumagyo, nakalimot na ako. Hindi pa tayo tapos Mr. Panfilo Morena Lacson.”
10 seconds ago from web

Bro. Mike Velarde: “Baligtarin n’yo ang inyong mga payong! Tikatik, liglig, at umaapaw na… ang baha!”
10 AM Sep 25 from Uber Twitter

Pampanga Rep. Mike Arroyo: “My advice sa mga nawalan ng bahay at gamit: pakasal ulit kayo para may magregalo sa inyo.”
2 seconds ago from web

NPA leader Ka Roger Rosal: “Basang-basa dahil sa bagyo at nanginginig sa sobrang lamig. Ka Joma, kung nababasa mo ‘to, magli-leave ako for one week!”
1900 hrs Sep 25 from mobile phone

Vicki Belo: “Just got home after driving around the metro. Ang daming nagkalat na plastic.”
about 27 hours ago from web

Kris Aquino: “Gosh, did you see Marikina and Cainta? I swear, kailangan nila ng makeover!”
about 30 hours ago from web

Annabelle Rama: “May nagtext sa ‘kin dong. Kasabwat ni Ondoy si Wilma Galvante dong!”
3 minutes ago from web

Korina Sanchez: “Rain or shine, tuloy ang kasal!”
7:30 PM Sep 25th from twitterfeed

Headline of the Weak:
hataw
___________
“Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.”
~ Bill Watterson

Elsewhere…
Philippine Daily InquirerWorst floods in the Philippines

GMA News.TVList of verified relief centers for ‘Ondoy’ victims

27092009418 Personal: I Survived!
This street in Makati City used to be submerged in chest-deep floodwaters – the first time it happened in eons! I had to wade through it last Saturday night before three men pushing a tryke-kuliglig hybrid vehicle offered me a 300-peso(!) ride to our house at the end of the road. Two monoblock chairs were placed on the sidecar so i could stand on them. I had to raise my hands (a la-Pacquiao holding his WBC belt) to protect my bag with laptop. Para akong santong ipinaparada sa binagyong fluvial procession! Kulang na lang may magsabit sa ‘kin ng dried everlasting. It was Bocaue Pagoda tragedy meets MMFF Parade of Stars meets Manny Pacquiao victory motorcade! Insane! Ganito kami sa Makati, paano pa kaya ‘yung mga taga-Cainta at Marikina City?

Take care everyone!

SIDEKICK

villar-st
Villar’s Running Mate
Liberal Party stalwart Franklin Drilon says presidential aspirant Manny Villar is running out of options for vice president. But Villar’s staunch ally, Gilbert Remulla dismissed Drilon’s observation and said, “Si Senador Villar mauubusan ng VP?!? Hello!?! Kung gusto n’yo doblehin pa niya eh!”

Villar’s Running Mate II
According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, presidential aspirant Manny Villar will choose either Senator Francis Escudero or Sen. Jinggoy Estrada, or even Makati Mayor Jejomar Binay as possible vice presidential candidate. Villar is reportedly looking for a running mate who has the most experience, and the least asking price.

Villar’s Running Mate III
Presidential aspirant Manny Villar’s running mate is reportedly a choice among three people: Chiz Escudero, Jinggoy Estrada, and Jejomar Binay. The good, the bad, and the …mayor. [Ang sama ng iniisip n’yo!]

Mar and Noy _9.03 It’s Noynoy and Mar!
Sen. Mar Roxas has accepted Sen. Noynoy Aquino’s invitation to run as his vice-president. Roxas says he will make the official announcement at Club Filipino today, September 21 because it’s a historic day. In fact, there will be two major announcements: One, that Roxas has finally decided to run for vice president, and two, that Korina Sanchez has finally decided to give way to Shalani Soledad.

Estrada vs. Lacson
Reports say deposed president Joseph Estrada is ready to listen to the second privilege speech of Sen. Panfilo Lacson scheduled tomorrow, September 22 . To give you an idea how well prepared Estrada is for the second speech, his lawyers have already drafted a second libel complaint against the Inquirer.

eraplibel Top 5 Predicted Surprises in Sen. Panfilo Lacson’s Second Privilege Speech About Former President Joseph Estrada

No. 5:

No. 4:

No. 3:

No. 2:

And the No. 1 predicted surprise in Senator Lacson’s second privilege speech about former president Joseph Estrada…

No. 1:

amikey In Other News…
House committee on energy chairman and Pampanga Rep. Mikey Arroyo assured there would be no blackout during the 2010 elections. Asked by reporters how sure he was, he replied, “Nagdududa kayo? Then, sue me!”

Noli Heckled
Of course you’ve heard the news. Vice President Noli De Castro had an outburst last week when leftist protesters interrupted his speech during the awarding of land titles to homeless people in Los Baños, Laguna . He refused to apologize to the protesters whose leader was later identified as Kanye West.
________
“There is nothing so likely to produce peace as to be well prepared to meet the enemy.”
~George Washington

Elsewhere…
Newsbreak asks “Is Bayani Fernando gearing up for legal battle?”

Philippine Sunday Inquirer’s editorial on Lakas CMD-Kampi standard bearer Gilbert Teodoro

Survey Says
On Sen. Panfilo Lacson’s exposé on former President Estrada:
I believe him: 76%
Lies!: 7%
Let me study the allegations further: 17%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

NOYNOY

noyprez
Noynoy for President
Sen. Benigno Simeon “Noynoy” C. Aquino III has officially declared that he is running for president in 2010. In announcing his bid, Noynoy vowed not to steal; vowed not to cheat; vowed not to lie, and vowed not to hire the services of Mar Roxas’ ad agency.

MARKORINAeeeew Noynoy Declares Bid II
Sen. Noynoy Aquino has officially declared his bid for the presidency. But his choice of running mate, Sen. Mar Roxas is having a hard time deciding whether or not he would seek the post of VP… mainly because his bride-to-be has yet to drop her bid for First Lady.

Top 5 Rejected Slogans for Noynoy Aquino’s Presidential Campaign

No. 5:
Ex ni Korina, Ex ni Barbara, Ex ni Diana
Pinagsisihan ko na silang lahat, ‘wag kayong mag-alala!

No. 4:
Noynoy Saves: Dahil sa pagtakbo n’ya… naligtas kayo kay Korina

No. 3:
Kung sawâ na kayo sa bad na ARROYO,
Oras nang iboto ang bald na AQUINO!

No. 2:
Problema ng bansa ay malalampasan
Basta’t may Pink Sisters na malalapitan!

And the No. 1 rejected slogan for Noynoy Aquino’s presidential campaign…

Para sa inyong lahat: Isang tunay na reporma…
[‘Wag n’yo lang pakialaman ang aming hacienda!]

Philippines Aquino Son Kapapasok Lang!
Naluha ang mga relihiyosong taga-suporta ni Senador Noynoy Aquino nang ideklara nito ang pagtakbo sa pagkapangulo sa susunod na taon. Partikular na nagalak ang Pink Sisters na malaki ang paniniwalang ang kandidatura ni Noynoy ay nasusulat… nasusulat sa mga columns ni Conrado De Quiros.

binay In Other News…
Makati Mayor Jejomar Binay has dropped his presidential bid to support the candidacy of Noynoy Aquino. A pro-Binay group is now pushing for a Noynoy-Jojo Binay tandem… to which Korina Sanchez said, “Bakit n’yo ba ako pinagtutulungan?”

Manalo: RIP
Dozens of politicos attended Monday’s interment of Iglesia ni Cristo executive minister Eraño “Ka Erdie” Manalo who died last August 31. The burial rites were very organized and solemn except for a minor commotion. During the 21-gun salute for Manalo, the honor guards aimed their guns at the politicians.

eraplax Erap vs. Lacson
On Monday, Sen. Panfilo Lacson will reportedly drop a bombshell on deposed President Joseph Estrada. When Erap heard this, he said, “Gago ba siya? Hindi ako takot sa bombshell. Hindi ako takot sa kahit anong klaseng babae!”

BF for President
MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando is reportedly keen on running for president in 2010. BF will officially announce his bid after consulting with the Pink Urinals.
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“Competing at the highest level is the greatest test of one’s character.”
~Russell Mark

UPPEP Elsewhere…
What’s the sequence of performance in this year’s UAAP Cheerdance Competition scheduled Sunday, September 13? Find out here.

Check out RP’s ranking in the Global Competitiveness Report 2009-2010.

Survey Says
Will you vote for Mar Roxas if he runs for Vice President?
Ayoko pa rin: 50%
Definitely: 30%
I will think about it: 20%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

MANNY IN MALACAÑANG

Philippines Pacquiao
On Monday, May 11, Manny Pacquiao paid a courtesy call on President Arroyo. When Sen. Lito Lapid heard this, he curiously asked, “How much kaya?”

President Arroyo has just named Manny Pacquiao “ambassador for peace and understanding.” His first assignment? To settle the row between Martin Nievera and the National Historical Institute.

Also today, Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales appointed Manny Pacquiao as his “special assistant” on “intelligence affairs.” Gonzales declined to give an answer when asked if Pacquiao was tapped for his intelligence or his affairs.

Labor Day Fair
Did you hear about “Jobapalooza” – the Labor Department’s jobs fair last May 1? As it turned out, Manny Pacquiao submitted two resumés. Now he’s got two new jobs!

pacroach
Ka Freddie
Laguna Rep. Edgar San Luis has filed a resolution seeking to confer honorary Filipino citizenship on Manny Pacquiao’s coach and trainor Freddie Roach. The resolution has reportedly gained the support of Mrs. Arroyo, the country’s honorary president.

Nene vs. Martin
Sen. Aquilino Pimentel wants to impose a month-long ban on Martin Nievera… something that’s totally unnecessary since the aging singer’s next musical project will not happen until February 2010.

Ako Mismo
The call for transparency with regard to the controversial “Ako Mismo” campaign is getting louder. And nastier. PLDT and Smart have already come out and admitted financing the ad. But irate bloggers demand more transparency. They want PLDT chairman Manny Pangilinan to come out next.

sha Kiko for Veep
Megastar Sharon Cuneta recently confirmed that her husband, Sen. Francis Pangilinan would run for vice president in 2010. If Kiko wins, Sharon becomes the Second Lady… as she has always been.

Light Bites

Q: What do Lacson’s, Villar’s, Roxas’, Legarda’s, Escudero’s, Fernando’s, De Castro’s, and Binay’s premature political advertisements share in common?
A: Our money.

Q: What is orange and pricey, 6 ft vertically and 19.7 km horizontally?
A: Manny Villar on C5 Road.

Q: What is pink, orange, and black vertically – and blue horizontally?
A: Bayani Fernando, Manny Villar and Jejomar Binay simultaneously peeing on Mar Roxas

Q: What is black and pale, and then, red all over?
A: Jejomar Binay before and after he was placed by Ping Lacson in a blender – alive!

Q: What is brown and white; in public, hold each other tight but four feet apart at night?
A: Jamby Madrigal and French husband Eric Valade

Q: What is black and pink, and red all over?
A: Jejomar Binay and Bayani Fernando after a fistfight

Q: What is blue and pale, and soft all night and goes Zzzzzz…?
A: Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez on their honeymoon

Q: If Mar Roxas, Ping Lacson, Manny Villar, Loren Legarda and Erap jumped together off the tallest building on Ayala Avenue in Makati City, who’d land first?
A: Who the hell cares?!

Q: What is Loren Legarda’s best asset?
A: An ex-husband in jail

Q: What do you call an insect that goes inside Lito Lapid’s skull?
A: A space invader.

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“There are two things people want more than sex and money… recognition and praise.”
~Mary Kay Ash

Personal
Follow me on Twitter.

SURPRISE CALL

baracktele Obama and the President
US President Barack Obama made a surprise telephone call to President Arroyo early Saturday morning. To give you an idea how surprising and unexpected it was, ISAFP agents failed to press the “Record” button.

Obama and the President II
US President Barack Obama made a surprise telephone call to President Arroyo early Saturday morning. The call was totally surprising and unexpected, President Arroyo was compelled to put Cesar Mancao on hold!

gma_barack Obama and the President III
US President Barack Obama made a surprise telephone call to President Arroyo early Saturday morning. To give you an idea how surprised the president was, when she answered the call, she said, “Hello… Barci! Oops, I am shorry.”

Obama and the President IV
US President Barack Obama made a surprise telephone call to President Arroyo early Saturday morning. Rumors say it was lengthy conversation. To give you an idea how long it was, Cesar Mancao was forced to hang up and even threatened to revise his affidavit.

Obama and the President V
Reports say presidential daughters Sasha and Malia Obama have yet to receive their new puppy from US President Barack Obama. Maybe that’s the reason why Obama phoned President Arroyo. He’s looking for a “tuta.”

survey_presidentiables
The Latest Survey
Vice President Noli De Castro topped the latest Pulse Asia survey with a 19 percent preference rating. He was followed by Sen. Francis Escudero, 17 percent, Joseph Estrada, 16 percent, Sen. Manuel Villar, 15 percent, Sen. Loren Legarda, 12 percent, Sen. Manuel Roxas II, 7 percent, and Sen. Panfilo Lacson, 6 percent. Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay got 2 percent while MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando got only one percent. The First Gentleman was luckier. He got five percent.

Enrile and the House
Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile has proposed to increase the number of congressmen from 250 to 350. Enrile’s proposal is contained in his Senate Bill No. 3123 or An Act Establishing Metro Manila’s First Ever Crocodile Farm.

duterte Duterte and the Military
Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte is reportedly fuming over the alleged human rights abuses of the military. Apparently, Duterte is threatened by the competition.

Personal
My date with my doctor has been rescheduled. I just had blood extraction yesterday. It was less painful than I expected. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be back at the Makati Medical Center. Heckling continues Tuesday.

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“Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.”
~Ambrose Bierce

THE YEAR OF WRITING/TALKING DANGEROUSLY?

starfruit
The Right to Reply Bill
Senators Mar Roxas, Francis Escudero, and Loren Legarda, original signatories to the Right of Reply bill have withdrawn support for the measure. In appreciation of the trio’s sudden change of mind, the Philippine Daily Inquirer has invited them as guest storytellers in the paper’s regular Read-Along Sessions. You know what they’re reading? “Ang Alamat ng Balimbing.”

Sen. Francis Escudero, co-author of the Right of Reply Bill has flipped-flopped. Escudero said he realized two things: one, it was a mistake to support the bill, and two, it’s an even bigger mistake to displease the media a few months before the 2010 elections.

Senator Mar Roxas has withdrawn his support for the Right of Reply bill. He arrived at the decision after having a bad dream. In the nightmare, he sees a copy of the Inquirer, the Star, Malaya, and Daily Tribune with identical banner headlines that read: “Put*ng-Ina!” – Roxas. Then the very next day, the banner headlines of the four broadsheets read: “Put*ng Ina Mo Rin!” – Malacañang.

And Loren Legarda? I would not even talk about Loren Legarda. Considering her track record, it would have been more surprising if she didn’t change her mind on the issue.

Sen. Lito Lapid couldn’t understand why the media is opposing the Right of Reply bill. The Kampampangan lawmaker believes that everyone has the right to reply… as long as “meron siyang load.”

Top 5 Things We Wouldn’t Want To Read in the Papers, See on Television or Hear on the Radio Once the President Signs into Law the Right of Reply Bill

5: Inquirer Special Issue: One Thousand Readers React to Ramon Tulfo

4: Ngayong Sabado sa Imbestigador: Inireklamong Pulis, Inireklamo si Mike Enriquez

3: The Philippine Star Special Paid Advertisements Edition: Ang Dating Daan vs. Iglesia ni Cristo: Sino’ng tunay na gago, tarantado, sira-ulo at manloloko?

2: Ted & Korina vs. Mike & Gloria: Live! Gabi-gabi sa ABS-CBN Primetime Bida

And the No. 1 thing we wouldn’t want to see on TV once the president signs into law the right of reply bill…

1: Startalk and The Buzz Present: FACE/OFF Calayan vs. Belo… (Seventh in A Year-Long Series)

Dangerous Roads
A study conducted by the United Nations Children’s Fund last year revealed that the country’s roads are the most dangerous in Asia. In close second were the roads in Ateneo.

Speed Limit
Remember MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando’s declaration last year that there is no speed limit on Edsa? Nope, he’s not backtracking. But here’s the latest: Fernando is imposing a speed limit… at the parking lot of Ateneo de Manila.

You’ve heard about Ma. Theresa Torres, right? She’s the driver of the vehicle that killed the Atenean fourth grader last week. According to her lawyers, upon her release, the family will bring Theresa to a convent for “counseling.” A convent? Seriously? Since when did our nuns become experts on driving and traffic rules? (For chrissake, bring her to an LTO seminar!)

You think Ateneo roads are dangerous? Think about its alumni! (You know who they are!)

Oreta Gets Post oreta
Defeated administration senatorial candidate Tessie Aquino-Oreta has been appointed chief of the newly-formed “Early Childhood Care and Development Council.” The council will focus on children six years and below – the age group that will most likely appreciate… her talent in dancing.

abundabelo Belo vs. Boy: A Postscript
Boy Abunda has reportedly forgiven Dr. Vicki Belo. He made the decision after several hours of staring at himself in the mirror.

Briefly Noted: Malala Na Kaya?

People have been asking me to react on the episode of ABS-CBN’s Maala-ala Mo Kaya last Saturday. It tackled the story of a summa cum laude agriculture graduate from the University of the Philippines who couldn’t find a job and ended up as a nightclub dancer. Firstly, that’s the very reason why I do not watch local soaps or drama anthologies. It’s full of bullshit. Secondly, is our economy that bad? Believe me, even if Bangladesh registers an economic growth thrice that of the Philippines, no summa cum laude graduate from UP would end up working as a stripper because she couldn’t get a job! Thirdly, no agriculture major student finished summa cum laude in the last two, three or even four decades. Lastly, I am 101% certain that the episode writer didn’t graduate from UP and knew absolutely nothing about UP. The ignorance was annoyingly insulting, and appallingly stupid.

Survey Says…
What social networking site do you prefer?
Results:
Facebook: 48%
Friendster: 25%
Multiply: 21%
G4M: 4%
Downelink: 1%
MySpace: 1%
Others:1%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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“Some of the press who speak loudly about the freedom of the press are themselves the enemies of freedom. Countless people dare not say a thing because they know it will be picked up and made a song of by the press. That limits freedom.”
~

2009 PREDICTIONS

Top 15 Predicted Scandals and Controversies of 2009

15: Vicki Belo admits “huge crush” on BJ “Tolits” Forbes; young actor’s mom alerts Bantay Bata

14: Amid mounting criticisms, Manny Pacquiao moves up from lightweight to heavyweight; Bob Arum eyes multi-million dollar bout against Vladimir Klitschko

13: Optical Media Board detects melamine and excessive amount of lead in pirated DVDs from China; massive raids in Quiapo, Metrowalk, St. Francis Square, and Makati Cinema Square set

12: Bus operators seek court’s TRO against MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando’s new memorandum circular requiring the installation of urinals aboard buses

11. Communist leader Jose Ma. Sison finally returns home and joins the celebrity edition of Pinoy Big Brother to re-launch his career and to entice more recruits!

10: PLDT and Smart CEO Manny V. Pangilinan officially launches Pink Mobile – the first and only pre-paid network for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders.

9: ABS-CBN announces bid for 2010 elections; Ted and Korina to lead nominees of Kapamilya Party-list Group

8: Sen. Mar Roxas denounces favoritism and censorship as he is barred from speaking by fellow opposition leaders in 2009’s biggest anti-Charter Change rally in Makati City

7: Recession finally hits home as Divisoria’s 168 and Tutuban malls shut down operations due to poor sales

6: 2010 Polls: Newly-formed Moral Revolution Party picks JDV and JDV III for president and vice president respectively; Jun Lozada banners senatorial slate

5: Abused by their employer, two Filipina maids in Pasig City seek help from Sen. Manuel Villar but the senator declines as the identity of the employer is revealed: Princess Revilla.

4: Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales Sr. is diagnosed with advanced Alzheimer’s but refuses to step down. To keep his post, he threatens to fight all the way up to the Supreme Court, and tells his detractors to just “jump into Pasig River.”

3: Two coups in two chambers: Lito Lapid is new Senate president; House installs Mikey Arroyo as Speaker

2: Diarrhea downs First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo anew. But in a surprising and totally bizarre twist, the “diarrhea” calls for a press con, denies culpability, and brands Attorney Arroyo “a liar.”

And the No. 1 predicted scandal of 2009…

1: Arroyo government agrees to ratify revised memorandum of agreement on land ownership with MILF rebels. Peace panel member Nasser Pangandaman Sr. says the controversial new pact shall cover only the country’s 10 largest golf courses.

Happy New Year!

Personal: Thanks again to Jove of TV5 for this ahem, recognition(?).
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Never make predictions, especially about the future.
~ Casey Stengel