ITLOG KA BA?


“We respect the Supreme Court, we survived even when they took everything from us, including our Dad’s life- & we will survive even this.”
~TV host Kris Aquino reacting to the Supreme Court’s recent ruling ordering the distribution of Hacienda Luisita land to the farmers

Heckler: Si Mara ka ba ng ‘Mara Clara?’
Kris Aquino: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, api-apihan ang drama mo.

“My order to the Bureau of Immigration is to respect the watch list order. We have the right to exhaust remedies against the TRO.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima

Heckler: Kapatid ka ba ng Presidente?
Secretary De Lima: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, Ballsy ka.

“We will be monitoring her, and hopefully she will be able to regain her appetite until we are confident enough in saying that we can remove the IV fluid already.”
~ Dr. Juliet Gopez-Cervantes, CGMA’s attending physician

Heckler: Si Lolong ka ba?
CGMA: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, ayaw mo raw kumain.

“I think the decision of Pasay RTC will allow Atty. Topacio to save his family jewels.”
~Atty. Edwin Lacierda

Heckler: Prostitute ka ba?
Atty. Edwin Lacierda: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi kahit sino pinapatulan mo.

“Ba’t ba concerned na concerned si Secretary Lacierda sa aking itlog? Sabagay okay naman ‘yon. Siyempre kung ang isang tao na lalake ay concerned sa’yong itlog, s’yempre matutuwa ka naman d’on. Nagke-care.”
~ Atty. Ferdie Topacio

Heckler: Itlog ka ba?
Atty. Ferdie Topacio: Bakit?
Heckler: Ang sarap mong pitikin eh!

“My arrest triggered Edsa 3, whose number was more than those of Edsa 1 and 2 combined.”
~Former President Joseph Estrada

Heckler: Magician ka ba?
Erap: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, ang hilig mo sa illusion.

“One cannot think of the 1986 EDSA Revolution without thinking of Corazon Aquino.”
~Bohol Rep. Rene Relampagos defending his proposed ‘Cory Aquino Avenue’

Heckler: Tambay ka ba?
Cong. Relampagos: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, parang wala kang ibang magawa.

“Tapos po nun sigaw ako nang sigaw; ‘tapos naisip ko baka wala na dun yung killer. Basta alam ko sigaw lang ako nang sigaw. Tapos… Shit nawala na ko, kasi nawala, ‘di ba dapat tatawagan ko si Gail?”
~Maria Ramona Belen “Mara” Bautista-Bülbüloğlu narrating her version of what happened the night her brother Ram Revilla was murdered

Heckler: NAIA ka ba?
Ramona: Bakit?
Heckler: Most hated ka eh.

“No matter what is written or what you hear, it’s my loyalty that is priceless.”
~Sharon Cuneta talking about her recent transfer to TV5

Heckler: Meralco ka ba?
Sharon: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, ang hilig mong mag-switch.

“When itweet nonsense take itcas itsis Last night did math simulations so makita ng coop paano namin ni assunta saluin buong utang bulok yun?”
~Cong. Jules Ledesma

Heckler: Ilog Pasig ka ba?
Jules: Bakit?
Heckler: Eh kasi, ang labo mo!
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“Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.”
~Will Rogers

iGuess 1:
Popular Personality (PP) was detained somewhere in North America recently after causing a ruckus outside a bar. PP was reportedly drunk and was with his significant other when it all happened. Merry Christmas!

iGuess 2:
Popular College Hoopster (PCP) is one naughty boy. Probably inspired by videographer Hayden Kho Jr, PCP is keeping a video of himself doing it with a fling. The whole team had seen the sleazy video. “Proud pa siya sa ginawa niya,” one teammate said. Lagot ka kay Father!

Have a great week ahead!

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UNO


UP’s Best
Math major John Gabriel Pelias of UP Diliman who is graduating summa cum laude this weekend has a general weighted average (GWA) of 1.016. According to close friends, John Gabriel is very studious but not geeky. He comes from a poor family, hates smoking, and doesn’t fool around with girls. Sorry John, you cannot be president.

UP’s valedictorian this year, John Gabriel Pelias has a general weighted average of 1.016. When Erap heard this, he said, “Whaaat?! Weighted average of 1.016?!? Grabe naman! Ano ‘yon? Kilos o pounds?”

John Gabriel’s GWA of 1.016 eclipsed the highest post-war GWA held since 1948 by professor emeritus Emerenciana Yuvienco Arcellana. A friend from college said, had she known there was a record to beat, she would have aimed for it.


Not True
Reacting to rumors that President Aquino is smitten with Singapore-based reporter Sabrina Chua, presidential spokesperson and Bb. Pilipinas 2011 pageant judge Edwin Lacierda insists, “There’s no truth to that!” To which, Sabrina Chua said, “Gee, thanks!”

Extemporaneous
During Monday’s Student Catholic Action of the Philippines national leaders’ conference, President Aquino talked extemporaneously after ditching a prepared speech saying, “I did not like the speech prepared for me.” Asked why, he replied, “the speech sucks.”

Missing Ecleo
Graft convict, murder suspect, and Dinagat, Surigao del Norte Rep. Ruben Ecleo has reportedly gone into hiding. You know what that means? A year from now, another lawmaker will be demonstrating his cooking skills on TV!

Jobs Fair
The Labor Department is organizing a jobs fair on May 1, Labor Day. This is a piece of good news for working students, fresh graduates, and deputy ombudsmen.

NDF and Facebook
The National Democratic Front says the local Communist movement is using Facebook as a tool to promote their revolution. In fact, in the NDF’s Like Page, the farmers in Farmville are all members of the Kilusang Magbubukid ng Pilipinas.

Bb. Pilipinas 2011
Presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda was one of the judges in the recently concluded Bb. Pilipinas 2011 pageant. During the Q&A portion, he said, “You ladies are making life difficult for the judges.” And one candidate was like, “Ah, forget it! We’re nothing compared to your government who is making life difficult for all of us.”
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“Pure mathematics is the world’s best game. It is more absorbing than chess, more of a gamble than poker, and lasts longer than Monopoly. It’s free. It can be played anywhere – Archimedes did it in a bathtub.”
~~Richard J. Trudeau

Elsewhere…
Philippine Daily Inquirer: ‘Flat uno’

GMA News: Social media’s role in Willie’s downfall

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