Lord: Oo! Oo!
APC: Ganid sa puwesto?
Lord: Grabe ka. Pulitiko lang, ganid agad?
Lord: Oo! Oo!
APC: Ganid sa puwesto?
Lord: Grabe ka. Pulitiko lang, ganid agad?
Celebrity A-listers, foreign royalty, religious figures as well as diplomats and politicians descended on Windsor for the royal occasion.
PRINCE HARRY and Meghan Markle exchanged vows at St. George’s Church in Windsor Castle. It was a spectacle that unified much of the country. But that’s nothing compared to the spectacle that is Rodrigo Duterte who wants to unify China and this country.
After the ceremony, Queen Elizabeth hosted a lunchtime reception at St. George’s Hall. The catering contract was apparently awarded to the Tulfo brothers through the help of Wanda Tulfo-Teo.
Later that night, the groom’s father, Prince Charles hosted a simpler yet elegant and more intimate dinner at nearby Frogmore House. But Charles was so frugal, food was served by Cesar Montano’s Buhay Carinderia clients – fully paid months before the event.
Celebrity A-listers, foreign royalty, religious figures as well as diplomats and politicians descended on Windsor for the royal occasion. Many people described the ceremony a “fairy tale wedding.” Kat De Castro described the event as “wrong timing.”
Speaking of fairy tales, Tito Sotto is going to be installed as Senate President soon. Let that sink in.
As its president, Tito Sotto says, he “will not allow the Senate to be degraded.” He forgot the word ‘further.’
Incoming Senate president Tito Sotto says, “I will not allow it to be degraded.” When sought for reaction, Manny Pacquiao said, “Hindi naman masakit.”
Tito Sotto has been elected Senate president. In his speech, Sotto said, “Ni sa panaginip ay hindi sumagi sa aking isipan na ako ay maluluklok bilang pangulo ng Senado.” In his defense, not even in our nightmares.
Chinese long-range bombers have reportedly landed on the Paracel Islands in the South China Sea. Nearly all of the Philippines falls within the radius of the bombers. As of Sunday, May 20, Foreign Affairs Sec. Alan Peter Cayetano has not answered questions about the bombers. To be fair, Cayetano has finished drafting an official statement. He’s just seeking final approval from Beijing before releasing it.
The Lower House voted to abolish the Presidential Commission on Good Government, the agency tasked to run after the Marcoses’ ill-gotten wealth. The PCGG’s functions will be transferred to the Office of Solicitor General Jose Calida, a known Marcos loyalist. Next up: the Lower House will target the abolition of the Dep’t. of Environment and Natural Resources and transfer its functions to the office of Cynthia and Manny Villar.
Saying it was long overdue, Imee Marcos insisted the PCGG should have been abolished “30 years ago.” Actually, the PCGG should have not been formed at all – if your thieving family did not pillage government coffers.
Newly-appointed Tourism secretary Bernadette Romulo-Puyat expressed shock over the alleged misuse of hundreds of millions of DOT funds by previous officials . When he heard this, Cesar Montano protested, “Correction please: hindi ako previous official!”
‘Buhay Carinderia’ is a video series aimed at promoting local food and eateries. Reports say the Tourism Promotions Board headed by chief operating officer Cesar Montano disbursed almost 90 percent of payment to the marketing agency although the project has not been completed. When it was exposed, Montano blamed Wanda Tulfo-Teo saying she pushed for the payment to her friend, Erlinda Legaspi, the agency’s owner. In a statement, Wanda Teo said, “I’m equally shocked. I didn’t know Erlinda is my friend.”
Cesar Montano has resigned as chief operating officer of the Tourism Promotions Board. In his resignation letter, the actor thanked Duterte for giving him the opportunity to head the agency. With hundreds of millions of pesos at your disposal, who wouldn’t be thankful?
In Balabac, Palawan, a fisherman saved his teenage son from a 15-feet long crocodile which attacked and bit him. Apparently, the son was preparing to go fishing alone when the animal attacked. The father was alerted when he heard his son yelling, “Saklolo! May taga-DOT dito! Saklolo!”
“Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices, a rottenness begins in his conduct.”
“Hindi kayo pumasok ng gobyerno para mag-around the world.”
~Tourism Sec. Berna Romulo-Puyat to former DOT officials
Travel pa more.
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
[Photos: Royal Wedding: Getty Images ; Berna Puyat:ABSCBN News]
Postscript to a Senate Coup
Did you hear about US President-elect Barack Obama’s pre-dawn call to President Arroyo last Tuesday? They say Malacañang is so proud of that one call… to which Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile said, “That’s nothing! Before dawn last Tuesday, I received 13 calls.”
As of press time Thursday, both the Senate majority and minority were claiming Sen. Lito Lapid, the confused chairman of the games and amusements committee as their own – prompting the Kapampangan action star to complain, “Ewan ko nga ba sa mga ‘yan. Ang gulu-gulo at ang ingay-ingay sa session hall. Kulang na nga ako sa tulog eh.”
Sen. Francis Escudero wants the chairmanship of the powerful Blue Ribbon committee. Sen. Richard Gordon also wants the Blue Ribbon. Other senators want Alan Peter Cayetano to keep the Blue Ribbon. Everyone is desperate for the Blue Ribbon… except perhaps for Lito Lapid whose only craving is a Red Ribbon.
A Worried JDV
Reports say Cong. Jose De Venecia is worried about the upcoming new appointments in the Supreme Court. Two days ago, he got worried when Juan Ponce Enrile was installed Senate president. He is also worried Congress might totally junk the impeachment complaint filed by his son against President Arroyo. Kawawa naman ‘tong taong ‘to. Ayaw tigilan ng konsensya. Nakakatulog pa kaya siya?
Pulse Asia Survey
In the latest survey conducted by Pulse Asia Inc, 58 percent of Filipinos said they were “losers” or “worse now” compared to last year. Sen. Manuel Villar and Cong. Jose De Venecia share the same sentiment.
Somali Pirates I
According to the Department of Foreign Affairs, the number of abducted Filipino seafarers being held hostage in waters off Somalia rose to 134 after another group of Somali pirates seized a merchant vessel with seven Filipinos on board. President Arroyo is calling on all Filipinos to pray for the safety of the hostages. She ordered Press Secretary Jesus Dureza to lead the prayer.
Somali Pirates II
Somali pirates hijacked Saudi oil super-tanker Sirius Star with 19 Filipinos on board. Sketchy reports say the Pinoy hostages were allowed to use mobile phones. Those who were able to call home assured their loved ones they are being treated humanely, with some pirates even promising them clothes, food, and a chance to meet Johnny Depp.
If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
BEFORE HE TOOK his last breath, Theodore Roosevelt uttered, “Put out the light.” George Bernard Shaw murmured, “I want to sleep.” And shortly before his fatal car crash, James Dean was quoted to have said, “My fun days are over.” Locally, how could showbiz writers forget the infamous suicide note of ‘80s bold star Stella Strada? Her final words? “This is a crazy planets!” Here’s an updated version of my blog post last year titled…
Top 12 Last Words and Deathbed Statements of Local Celebrities
12: Bro. Mike Velarde: “Gagaleeeeng! Lalakas! Gagaleng! Lalak… uk…uk…ugh!”
11: Sen. Francis Pangilinan: “Hiwalay kung hiwalay!”
10: John Lapus: “Doc, totoo bang mamamatay na ako? Yes or No? Don’t Lie to Me!
9: Nora Aunor: (Hallucinating) “Ding ang bato! Ihagis mo sa akin ang bato!”
8: Sen. Manuel Villar: “Cynthia… sa araw ng aking libing, gusto ko idaan n’yo ang aking funeral procession… sa C5!”
7: Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano: “Arf! Arf! Arf!”
6: Sen. Jamby Madrigal: (While gasping for her last breath) “A-a-attorney, pppa-pakibago ng la-la-last will and tetes-testament ko. I have me-me-made a de-de-decision a-a-attorney. Nobody de-dedeserves to inherit my ma-ma-money except – for myself! Akin lahat ang mana!”
5: Joseph Estrada: “Hik!”
4: Ret. PNP comptroller Eliseo De La Paz: “Sweetheart, ‘yong makukulektang abuloy, paki-convert sa euro huh.”
3: Jocjoc Bolante: “I am prepared to face death… in the proper forum.”
2: Cong. Jose De Venecia: “I swear! This is it na talaga! I’m now ready to tell the truth no matter who gets hurt! May oras pa ba?” (And then he dies)
And the No. 1 last words and deathbed statement of local celebrities…
1: President Arroyo: (in her deathbed, when doctors asked how she felt) “My respiratory fundamentals are very strong. I have become more resilient amid the global health crisis. I will survive this.”
Here Comes the Bribe, er Bride
Never take life too seriously; after all, no one gets out of it alive.
— Elbert Hubbard
Squabble at the Senate
In a privilege speech delivered Wednesday night, Sen. Jamby Madrigal attacked Senate President Manuel Villar over alleged double insertions in the national budget. Jamby spoke, “We cannot have a nation run by a thief.” Monitoring Jamby’s speech on television, First Gentleman Mike Arroyo said, “O, what did I do? Ba’t nadamay na naman?!”
Taking potshots at Senate President Villar, Sen. Jamby Madrigal said, “Bumaba ka rito. Harapin mo at ipagtanggol mo ang sarili mo. Magpakalalaki ka!” to which Senator Villar said, “Sure! Magpapakalalaki ako… kung magpapakababae ka!”
Sen. Jamby Madrigal described Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano as an “attack dog.” Sen. Pia Cayetano protested the name-calling… mainly because that would make her a bitch.
Sen. Jamby Madrigal’s privilege speech was titled, “How to be A Villarnaire,” and talked about how Villar amassed his wealth. This has upset Congresswoman Cynthia Villar who noticed that she was not properly acknowledged.
Defending his partymate Villar, Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano said Jamby and Lacson were “liars who had been twisting facts.” Jamby and Ping retorted that Alan “was lying through his teeth.” Sen. Joker Arroyo has also assailed the “falsity” of Lacson’s allegation but Ping hit back and maintained that Joker was not telling the truth. Sen. Rodolfo Biazon said it was the first time for them to hear senators call one another liars but he wasn’t surprised… it was like hearing Clay Aiken tell the whole world he’s gay.
GMA in New York
In New York now where she addressed the UN General Assembly, President Arroyo held talks with UN delegations to push the candidacy of Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago for a seat in the UN International Court of Justice. In campaigning for Miriam, the president said, “Right now, at this very moment, she’s the least tainted member of the Philippine Senate.”
American Idol runner up Clay Aiken has officially acknowledged he is gay. Two days later, singer Lindsay Lohan admitted her lesbian affair with DJ Samantha Ronson. There has been so much going on at the Philippine Senate, I wouldn’t be surprised if one or two would do a Clay or a Lindsay.
Txtline vs. the NPA
The military in Negros has launched a text hotline to fight the extortion activities of the New People’s Army. To counter the military, NPA rebels are bombing more cell sites on the island.