HORSES

BREAKING:
Lead prosecutor Niel Tupas says the prosecution panel in the Corona impeachment trial has decided to terminate its presentation of evidence. But Tupas categorically denied rumors the decision was due to the panel’s low threshold for mockery.

The prosecution panel will no longer present evidence for Articles 1,4,5,6 and 8 – otherwise known as the ‘weakest allegations.’

Lead prosecutor Niel Tupas announced they would present evidence to three Articles of Impeachment only. That’s 3 out of 8 or 37.5 percent. In school, that’s an F.

After 25 days of trial, the prosecution panel has decided to terminate its presentation of evidence. And the defense panel was like, “Pucha naman, bakit biglaan? Ngangaragin n’yo kami eh.”

The prosecution will no longer present evidence. It’s Cuevas and company’s turn. Or as today’s youth would say, DoTA: Defense of the Ancients.

ACCORDING TO PRESIDENT AQUINO, his parents told him that horses were ‘created by God.” So when a teacher asked him to “make a horse” out of a three-piece puzzle during his kindergarten entrance test, he refused. He flunked the test. And was unanimously voted “Most Likely to Preserve Stubbornness ‘Til He’s 60.”

As a little boy, President Aquino believed his parents when they told him that only God can make a horse. So when he was instructed to create one using a three-piece puzzle during his kindergarten entrance test, he refused. To be fair to him, he was able to create a luxury car instead.

President Aquino flunked his kindergarten entrance test for refusing to create a horse using a three-piece puzzle. He insisted that “only God can make a horse.” Or as his fellow examinees would say, “palusot.”

In a related news, kindergarten is now mandatory in public schools starting June 2012. Parents are strongly advised to prepare their young children for school by telling them that not only God can make horses.

Fast forward to 2012, President Aquino was told that his dear friend, Pagcor Chair Bong Naguiat received bribes from a gambling tycoon. The president refused to believe it saying only the Arroyos and his political foes are capable of doing that.

Naguiat Cleared
A week after Malacañang cleared him of impropriety following reports he accepted perks from a gambling tycoon, embattled Pagcor chairman Cristino ‘Bong’ Naguiat was cleared by the House of Representatives. Another Wynn win for Naguiat!

Day 24
Prosecution spokesperson Miro Quimbo was quoted to have said, “Hindi namin sinubukang isipin o gawing humingi ng tulong sa Malacañang. (Sa) tingin namin hindi appropriate ‘yon.” Luckily for the prosecution, Malacañang believes in the spirit of volunteerism.

Congressman Miro Quimbo said, “Hindi namin sinubukang isipin o gawing humingi ng tulong sa Malacañang. (Sa) tingin namin hindi appropriate ‘yon.” Nope, Quimbo didn’t commit perjury. He’s not under oath.

INC Gathering
The influential religious sect Iglesia Ni Cristo will gather its flock Tuesday in what organizers described as a “Grand Evangelical Mission” or as political observers would say, “show of force.”

President Aquino will definitely ‘watch what happens’ tonight.

Castelo’s Jeep
Mr. Anti-Planking Solon strikes again. Quezon City Rep. Winnie Castelo recently filed House Bill 5850, which requires jeepney manufacturers to provide a standard seating space capacity of 357 millimeters or 14 inches per passenger. Castelo says the bill seeks to avoid passenger discomfort… the same feeling you get when you read his proposed measures.

In Entertainment
Martin Scorese’s ‘HUGO’ won five Oscars matching the haul of Best Picture winner ‘The Artist.’ It’s safe to say that ‘HUGO’ is a VICTOR.

Sen. Lito Lapid’s bet ‘The Artist’ won Best Picture. The senator likes silent films.

Michel Hazanavicius wins Best Director for ‘The Artist.’ He outScoredsese.

Christopher Plummer becomes the oldest actor to win an Oscar at age 82. There’s still hope for a PMPC trophy Kuya Germs!

Best Supporting Actor winner Christopher Plummer is 82. Or as Senator Loren Legarda would probably say, “Just perfect.”

‘The Descendants’ wins for Adapted Screenplay. At home, Pax and Maddox Jolie-Pitt were like, “That category sounds like us.”

Woody Allen wins for Best Original Screenplay for ‘Midnight in Paris.’ Coming in close second in the voting was Congressman Rey Umali.

Jean Dujardin wins Best Actor for ‘The Artist’ – to the utter disappointment of E.R. Ejercito who blamed Kris Aquino for openly campaigning for the French actor.

African-American Octavia Spencer won Best Supporting Actress for ‘The Help.’ Had her co-actress Viola Davis won Best Actress for the same movie, it would have been a Black-to-Black victory.

Meryl Streep won Best Actress for ‘The Iron Lady.’ Meryl lynches competition earning her third Oscar trophy.

This just in: Best Actress nominee Glenn Close has denied reports she will seek damages from the Academy after her loss.

One of my favorite segments in the Oscars telecast is “In Memoriam” where they remember the departed. Yesterday, the Academy paid tribute to the likes of Whitney Houston, Elizabeth Taylor, Steve Jobs, and Charlie Sheen’s career.

‘Manila Kingpin: The Asiong Salonga Story’ won 8 trophies. ‘The Artist’won 5.  Wala lang.

WVG Retires
GMA 7’s senior vice president for entertainment Wilma V. Galvante has retired. There’s no truth to rumors that Galvante will be replaced by Annabelle Rama.
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“The winner’s edge is not in a gifted birth, a high IQ, or in talent. The winner’s edge is all in the attitude, not aptitude. Attitude is the criterion for success.”
~ Dennis Waitley

Quotes of the Day
“Ang dami ninyong komentaryo sa senator-judges, kung mag-komentaryo kaya kami sa trial at sa inyong competence? In fact, about your mental sanity aber, gusto ninyo? I have evidence against a certain congressman when he testified here. ‘Wag ninyo akong pilitin, I can prove that he is lying under oath, be careful.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago scolding anew the prosecution panel

“You’re only two years older than me darling, where have you been all my life?”
~ 82-year-old actor Christopher Plummer to the Oscar statuette after winning Best Supporting Actor for the film ‘Beginners’ – his first Oscar win

Personal
Congratulations to the Western selection for winning the 2012 NBA All Stars. The Lakers’ Kobe Bryant also made history when he surpassed Michael Jordan’s All Stars scoring record. Woohoo!

Stay safe. Have a wonderful day!

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PIRACY, PROSECUTION, PRESIDENCY

PRESIDENTIAL ADVISER on political affairs Ronald Llamas was photographed by a Philippine Daily Inquirer (Bandera) reporter buying pirated DVDs at Circle C mall on Congressional Avenue, Quezon City Monday night. The vendor revealed that Llamas purchased almost P2000 worth of pirated DVDs… which was why Steven Seagal and Arnold Schwargenegger movies were nearly sold out.


To be fair, the guy (I think) is honest. When his security aides were caught with an AK-47 assault rifle in October 2011 following a road accident, presidential adviser on political affairs Ronald Llamas admitted he had at least five firearms. Anytime now, Llamas will admit to owning at least five sacks of pirated DVDs.

This just in: The Optical Media Board headed by actor Ronnie Rickets will conduct a raid at Circle C mall on Congressional Avenue in Quezon City. They will follow that up with a raid at Secretary Llamas’ residence.

Informed of the Ronald Llamas incident, President Aquino said, “Pasensiya na kayo kung hindi yan ang number one sa priority ko.. In totally unrelated information, records reveal that in high school, Llamas was voted ‘Most likely to get away with everything.’

The Oscars
The nominations for the 84th Academy Awards have been announced. Nine films will vie for Best Picture Oscar. The list includes ‘The Descendants,’ ‘The Artist,’ ‘Hugo,’ ‘War Horse,’ ‘Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close,’ ‘Moneyball,’ ‘Midnight in Paris,’ ‘The Tree of Life,’ and ‘The Help.’ Unfortunately, I haven’t seen ANY of these films. My initial plan was to buy a copy… but then again, why spend if I could just borrow from Secretary Ronald Llamas?

Supporting Actor nominees include Kenneth Branagh for ‘My Week With Marilyn;’ Nick Nolte for ‘Warrior;’ Jonah Hill for ‘Moneyball;’ Christopher Plummer for ‘Beginners;’ and Max Von Sydow for ‘Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.’ Perhaps the biggest snub was the omission of Frank Drilon for his supporting role in the prosecution panel.

Day 5: Impeachment Trial
On Tuesday, January 24, the prosecution panel failed to present a memorandum explaining its inclusion of the ill-gotten wealth issue in Article 2 of the eight Articles of Impeachment. Presiding Officer Juan Ponce Enrile was compelled to adjourn the trial and no prosecution witness was presented. Evidently, the defense panel scored on that one. Or as Philippine media would say it, “Day 5 goes to the prosecution.”

After less than two hours, Day 5 of the impeachment trial was adjourned. Shortly after, the prosecution team’s spokespersons were presenting their evidence to the media.

Lead prosecutor Niel Tupas Jr. asked Presiding Officer Juan Ponce Enrile to be “more liberal” in handling the trial. Enrile retorted, “How liberal?” Tupas was sooo tempted to say, “Hmm, with a capital L?”

Before he adjourned the trial, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile said, “Kung sakaling hindi n’yo matanggap ang aking pamamalakad sa paglilitis nitong kasong ito, ako po ay open. Ibibigay ko itong upuan sa sinumang gustong pumalit sa akin.” To which Sen. Franklin Drilon said, “Ehem.”


Senator-judge Miriam Defensor-Santiago, who attended the impeachment trial for the first time, scolded the “unprepared” prosecution panel… with the exception of its spokespersons who were always prepared for press cons.

Describing her first day as a member of the impeachment court, Senator Santiago said, “I’m suffering from terminal boredom.” To which Senator Lito Lapid said, “Ako rin.”

Senator-Actor
Despite the ongoing impeachment trial of Chief Justice Corona, Senator-judge Lito Lapid signed a deal with ABS-CBN. Just to clarify, it’s a deal for a soap opera; not a deal to convict Corona.

Overseas…
President Barack Obama delivered his State of the Union Address (SOTU) Wednesday morning (Manila time). There was this awkward moment when the President vowed to implement reforms by filing cases against former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

Fashion enthusiasts were all eyes on US First Lady Michelle Obama. She looked fab in a royal blue dress. In a press con after Obama’s SOTU, the First Lady denied rumors she bought the dress from SM.

President Kris
Kris Aquino will become the 17th president of the Republic of the Philippines according to Half-British and half-Indian psychic Robert Das. That prediction was half-bull, half-sh*t.
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“The will to win is worthless if you do not have the will to prepare.”
~Thane Yost

Quotes of the Day
“Our request is for the Honorable Tribunal to be more liberal in the asking of questions by the prosecution.”
~Lead prosecutor Niel Tupas to Presiding Officer Juan Ponce Enrile

“Kung natatandaan n’yo, tinutulungan ko pa nga ang prosecution na mapalabas nila ang gusto nilang palabasin. Baka nga magduda ang depensa na kasama ako sa prosecution. Kung ayaw n’yo, ako ay magru-ruling lang at you can reverse me.”
~ Presiding Officer Juan Ponce Enrile

‘Wag na tayong magpa-epal dito dahil nawawalan ng gana ang mga nanonood.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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