18 05 2013

FOR VICE GOVERNOR, voters in Quezon Province elected 23-year-old Sam Nantes. How time flies! Sam Nantes was just a baby when Nancy Binay started her OJT.

Camarines Sur’s newly-elected governor, Migz Villafuerte is 24 – or as Quezon Province voters would say, “old.”

Quezon Vice Governor Sam Nantes is 23. Cam Sur Governor Migz Villafuerte is 24. Cavite Vice Governor Jolo Revilla is 25. These elected officials are really young. To give you an idea of how young these men are, even if you add 30 to their age, Loren Legarda would still find them “too young” for her.

In Camarines Sur, Atty. Leni Robredo was elected congresswoman. Her best asset is her late husband’s legacy of good governance. For governor, Cam Sur elected 24-year-old Migz Villafuerte. His best asset is his abs.

Some analysts say voters opted to elect the young and the ‘new’ last elections. That’s why you have the Grace Poes, the Nancy Binays, the Bam Aquinos, the Sonny Angaras, and the face of Cynthia Villar.

Defeated Congressional candidate Nelly Villafuerte of Camarines Sur accuses proclaimed winner Leni Robredo of cheating. That’s like accusing Albay Governor Joey Salceda of womanizing.

Still in Cam Sur, Aga Muhlach lost – officially to Wimpy Fuentebella. Aga refuses to accept his loss. Voters refuse to accept Aga’s from Bicol.

It’s a 9-3 victory for Team PNoy after five stages: COC filing, campaigning, voting, counting and proclamation. Meanwhile, UNA can now focus on the next five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Here’s a good news: the midterm election is over. Here’s an even better news: we’ll be hearing less from Toby Tiangco.

Bad news for UNA’s Migz Zubiri: he finished 14th in the senatorial race. The good news is he doesn’t have to resign.

Many are saddened by Richard Gordon’s loss. But a number of people are also celebrating his defeat. Those people are called ‘Gringo supporters.’

Ano ang sinasabi ng babae sa larawan?

A: “Sinukat ko ang agwat ng ranking namin ni Risa Hontiveros. Ganito kalayo o! Boom!”
B: “Sabi ni Daddy, ganito lang siya kahaba nang ipanganak. Promise!”
C: “Nag-print ako ng anti-Nancy Binay memes at ganito yata karami ang print out. As in!”
D: “Ganito!! Ganito kakapal ang pinlantsa ko noong Huwebes kaya ‘di ako naka-attend sa proclamation.”

Ano ang pinag-uusapan ng dalawang nasa larawan?

A: “Sweetheart, bakit ang sarap yata ng tawa mo?”
“Eh kasi, malamang na nanonood si Mommy ngayon. Gusto ko lang siyang asarin!”

B: “Sweetheart, anong nakakatawa?”
“Wala lang. Natutuwa lang ako dahil No. 4 ka, at si JV, No. 11. ‘Di ba siniraan ka no’n? Hihihi”

C: “Sweetheart, may dumi ba ako sa mukha? Ba’t mo ‘ko tinatawanan?”
“Nooo! Hindi ikaw babe! Ayun o, sina Ma’am Loren at Alan Cayetano… nag-uusap. I swear, feeling ko ‘di sila sincere.”

D: “Sweetheart, what’s funny?”
“Eh kasi, nautot ako habang katabi si Chairman Brillantes. Gosh! Narinig yata niya. Embarrassing! Ahihihi”

Ano ang gustong sabihin ng lalaking puti ang buhok?

A: “Ke ganda-gandang babae no’ng Heart, ang baho ng utot.”
B: “Nangangamoy 9-3 na talaga. Kaya siguro ‘no show’ si Nancy.”
C: “Mag-resign kaya ako ngayon para agaw-eksena sa proclamation?!”
D: “Pare, umaalingasaw ang pagiging bitter no’ng isang kampo. May manipulasyon daw ng data. Wala naman ‘di ba? Move on, move on din pag may time. Oooops, i hate that phrase.”


Reports say Somalia is the most dangerous place in the world. In close second is Taiwan.

Cokehead Pol
Toronto Mayor Robert Ford was caught using cocaine. If removed from his post, Ford can always come to the Philippines, run for office in Ilocos Sur and win a seat in Congress.

1bbbRIP Bella Flores
Bella Flores, the iconic character actress is dead at 84. People are now asking, “Sino na ang papalit sa kanya bilang most hated kontrabida?” And Nancy Binay was like, “O, ba’t nakatingin kayo sa akin?”

Ai-Ai Breaks Down
The Comedy Concert Queen is single again! Ai-Ai De Las Alas’ 29-day marriage to Jed Salang breaks Kim Kardashian’s 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries.
“In war, our elders may give the orders…but it is the young who have to fight.”
~T.H. White

Sound Bites
“At the end of the day, ang apelyido ko pa rin ang nagpapanalo sa akin sa halalang ito.”
~Senator-elect Nancy Binay (Via 24Oras, May 17)

“ugh i hate politics – but I only have one thing to say: Anyone that votes for Erap is a f***ing idiot.”
~Model Georgina Wilson on Twitter

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.



27 02 2013

THE LATEST Social Weather Stations survey is out. Of the 12 senatorial slots that were up for grabs, Team PNOY got 9, UNA got nervous.

ABS-CBN News reported that when Vice President Jejomar Binay saw the SWS study, he was in disbelief – exactly the same reaction of many people when his daughter Nancy placed fourth in another survey.

Team PNOY’s Jamby Madrigal, Jun Magsaysay, and Rissa Hontiveros failed to enter the Magic 12. If they still miss the cut in the next two surveys, they’ll change their last names to ‘Binay.’

UNA’s Jackie Enrile who promises “murang pagkain, maraming pagkain” to Filipinos is out of the Magic 12. People are on a diet.

Team PNOY’s Grace Poe had the biggest jump – from 10th in January to 5th in the February survey. Her MMK episode was shown February 2. Wala lang.

The SWS survey results are in. Former Senate President Ernesto Maceda is out.

Ansabeh/Ang Totoo
Ansabeh: “Kahit hindi kami magkasama sa partido, naniniwala akong magkaibigan pa rin kami.”
Ang Totoo: “Pero kung may matatalo sa botohan, sana siya na lang.”

Ansabeh: “Sus! ‘Yang survey na ‘yan kinukundisyon ang utak ng mga tao na natatalo kami.”
Ang Totoo: “Pero kung kami ang lumalamang, ‘the people have spoken.’”

Ansabeh: “’Walang basehan ang kaso laban sa akin. Pinupulitika lang ako.”
Ang Totoo: “Bakit kasi ngayon lang natuklasan ‘tong kagaguhang ginawa ‘ko? Sana pagkatapos na lang ng eleksyon.”

Ansabeh: “Her best asset? She’s my daughter.
Ang Totoo: “’Yon na ‘yon.”

Ansabeh: “Huwag po n’yo sanang isiping nakalimot na kami sa mga tulad n’yong maliliit.”
Ang Totoo: “Hinding-hindi po… lalo na kapag eleksyon.”

Ansabeh: “Naniniwala po akong mas malaki ang magagawa ko kung ako ay nasa Senado kaysa city hall o kapitolyo.”
Ang Totoo: “Mas malaki rin ang kikitain ko.”

Ansabeh: “‘Di n’yo po naitatanong, ‘yong lolo ko po ay dito ipinanganak sa lalawigan n’yo.”
Ang Totoo: “Ngayon ko rin lang nalaman ‘yan. Nagulat din ako.”

pope2In Other News
The race is on for the next pope who shall replace resigned Pope Benedict XVI. Informal surveys identified some frontrunners including cardinals from Ghana, Italy, Canada, and Honduras. Also doing well in the survey is Nancy Binay.

Some 115 cardinals are expected to gather in Rome for the conclave to vote on the next pope. Some of the frontrunners have been identified. The bad news is only one could win. The good news is if they don’t win the post, they can always form a party-list group.

Lost and Found
A long-lost continent has been found under the Indian Ocean. China is asking where they can claim it.
“You can’t depend on polls.”
~ Michael Bloomberg

Sound Bites
“Hindi nga ako makapaniwala. Paano ako makakapag comment sa hindi ako makapaniwala?
~Vice President Jejomar Binay on the latest SWS survey

“When UNA was dominating the results of recent surveys, they praise to high heavens and they were celebrating. Now that Team PNoy overtook them, they are protesting and making unfounded innuendos.”
~Team PNOY spokesman Ben Evardone

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

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