PRESIDENT-ELECT D*&%!^3 – EXCLUSIVE!

27 05 2016

PRESIDENT-ELECT Rodrigo Duterte granted this blogger an exclusive interview but questions were pre-screened by his staff. Here’s the unedited transcript.

1DABS
Good evening Sir! President ho ba o mayor ang itatawag ko sa inyo?

Aba, iwan ko sa ‘yo. Pati ba naman ‘yan prublimahin ko pa?

Sige po. Unang tanong ko ho sa inyo: ano ang

Unang tanong? ‘Di ba nagtanong ka na kanina? Pangalawa na ‘yan. ‘Di ka marunong magbilang.

Sorry po. Diretso na ho tayo. Nakakailang ‘putang-ina’ ho kayo sa loob isang linggo?

Dipindi. Pag nanood ako sa news tapos nakita ko ang CBCP, “putang-ina!” ‘Pag nakita ko si De Lima, “putang-ina!” ‘Pag natrapik ako, “putang-ina.” ‘Pag nakarinig ako ng balita sa druga, “putang-ina!” More or less, mga labinlimang putang-ina every week.

Marami ho ba ‘yon o konti lang?

Kunti pa ‘yun. In fact, mas marami bago mag-eleksyon. Kasi, sabi ng advisers ko, “You speak the language of the masses para maka-relate sila sa ‘yo.” Eh ‘di yun nga ng ginawa ko, nag-putang-ina ako sa interview, nag-putang-ina ako sa campaign, nag-putang ina ako sa social media. Natuwa naman ako kasi bintang-binta nga sa tao. Ang lakas ng palakpak. Haha Kaya pasalamat ako sa advisers ko. Ang uutak nila, putang-ina!

Marami ho ang tutol sa pagpapalibing kay Marcos sa Libingan ng mga Bayani.

So anong problima mo? Marcos might not really be a hero, I accept that proposition, maybe. But certainly he was a soldier.

Tama ho. Sundalo siya. Pero ang tawag, ‘Libingan ng mga BAYANI.’ Nabago na ho ba?

Putang-ina namimilosopo ka pa. MY DECISION IS FINAL. Magpakamatay ako sa desisyon ko na ‘yan, panindigan ko.

Nagbabasa ba kayo ng Bible?

Before. Noong nasa Ateneo pa ako.

Hindi na po ngayon?

Sabi ko, ‘before.’ Hindi mo naintindihan ang before?

Before. Hehe Ano po ang favorite n’yong story sa Bible?

Isa lang. Nang patayin ni God ang mga drug pusher, drug addict, magnanakaw at iba pang masasamang tao sa mundo. Wala nang kulong-kulong o kaya trial-trial. Patay agad! Sabi ko, paglaki ko, gagayahin ko si God. So far, so good. Natupad naman ang dream ko.

Meron ho ba kayong favorite book sa Bible?

Marami. Genesis. 1 Corinthians, 1 Samuel, 2 Timothy, 2 Fast, 2 Furious.

Hindi ho book sa Bible ‘yan. Pelikula ho ‘yan.

Pelikula ba ‘yun? Nabago na pala?

Before.

Yawa!

Kung kayo raw ang masusunod, mas gusto n’yo ang tatlong anak lang?

Oo. Kasi mahirap kapag marami ang anak mo. Tapos wala kang ipakain? Patay kang bata ka.

Eh ba’t kayo ho, apat na ang anak.

Di mo kasi nakuha boy! Tatlo ang anak ko sa aking unang asawa. Ok na ‘yun. Dito sa pangalawa, isa pa lang. So allowed pa ako ng two more. Bobo ka rin ‘no?

1MV
Si Baste ho, dalawa na ang anak sa magkaibang babae. Wala pa ring asawa. Ok ba sa inyo ‘yun?

Anong magawa ko? Mana sa akin eh. Guwapo. Pero sabi ko nga sa kanya, ‘wag ka nang magpatol sa social media. Kasi ang dami d’yan sa Twitter, sa Facebook, sa Instagram, gustong paanak sa kanya. Itong mga millennials talaga, tatanga-tanga. Mali-mali naman ang grammar. Tang-ina.

Kasama pala sa security detail n’yo ang Filipino-Romanian policewoman na dating Miss Earth Philippines candidate. Ang ganda nun! Sinadya ho ba ‘yun?

Let me explain bago kayo mag-conclude mga putang-ina n’yo. Wala akong kinalaman sa assignment ng security ko. Sila ang pumili n’yan. Kaya kung nakikinig ka ngayon Lourd De Veyra…

Teka, bakit ho nadamay si Lourd?

Eh kasi sa Facebook, ipinost niya ang news tungkol sa magandang pulis na babantay sa akin, ‘tapos ang sabi niya, hashtag #AlamNaThis! Tangina mo. Hashtag buwang ka! Pastilan!

Pag-usapan ho natin ang inauguration n’yo. Limang minuto lang daw ang speech n’yo?

Totoo ‘yan. ‘Di naman kailangang mahaba eh. Ma-bore man ang audience ko. Sabihin ko lang dun ang mga gusto kong patayin at buhayin sa next six years, ok na ‘yun.

Excited na ba kayo sa oath taking?

Siyempre naman. At baguhin ko rin ang lines sa oath taking ko. Paigsiin ko rin para mas mabilis. Sabihin ko lang, “I, Rodrigo Roa Duterte, do solemnly swear.” Swear talaga? Putang-ina. Sakto. So help me God. Thank you!

Isyung showbiz naman ho tayo para maiba. Sabi sa news, nag-split na raw sina Enchong Dee at ang girlfriend niya. Bilang isang ama, ano pong maipapayo n’yo sa kanila?

Split? Saan sila nag-split? Sa sahig?

Hindi ho! Split. Meaning, break na sila.

Ahhhhhhh. Gago ka! Hindi mo agad nilinaw. Baka ma-bash ako ng fans ni Enchong. Ayaw kong makialam sa kanya. Pirsunal nila ‘yun. Ipakilala ko na lang siya kay Baste. Matuwa pa siya.

Si Enchong ho?

Bobo! ‘Yung babae. Sabi mo break na sila? Eh ‘di yung babae. Ipahamak mo pa ako gago!

Totoo ho bang may itinatago kayong sakit?

Hindi totoo ‘yan! Kung sinuman ang nagpakalat ng tsismis na may sakit ako, may cancer ako, o may lupus ako, dadapuan siya ng karma. Mamamatay siya mamayang 9:46 ng gabi.

Saktong oras talaga? Last na po Sir. Sabi ho n’yo mawawala na ang pagmumura n’yo kapag naproklama na kayo bilang pangulo. Hindi kaya ‘yan ang ikamatay n’yo?

Posible. Kaya hangga’t may time pa, lulubus-lubusin ko na. Putang-ina mo. Putang-ina n’yo! Thank you!

Maraming salamat Mr. President. ‘Ina mo rin!

Gago!

–End–
————————————————————————————————————————————
“Class is knowing what to say, when to say and when to stop.”
~Anonymous

Inaugural
President-elect Rodrigo Duterte says his inaugural speech won’t last more than 5 minutes. He’ll just spend the rest of the inaugural ceremony killing time.

Mayor Duterte says his inauguration will be very simple. Only finger food will be served at noontime and eating will not be allowed after that. That’s the reason why Sen. Franklin Drilon is not attending the event.

1le
The People Have Spoken
Congratulations Atty. Leni Robredo. You are our new vice president. Indeed, the last man standing is a woman! Woohoo!

Sound Bites
“Kasali ‘yun sa buhay ko. Kapag nawala ang mura ko, patay na ako ibig sabihin. Ganon ang lenggwahe ko. That is my universal identity.”
~President-elect Rodrigo Duterte

Fine.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: ABS-CBN News; Baste: MindaVote2016]





BIBLICAL

20 05 2016

1PacProc
THE COMMISSION on Elections has proclaimed the 12 newly-elected senators. Thirteenth place finisher Francis Tolentino, who asked the Supreme Court to stop the proclamation of the 10th, 11th and 12th place winners, failed to secure a TRO. Instead, the justices sent him a book called, “101 Ways to Move On.”

Pacquiao
Manny Pacquiao is now a senator. He was elected by 16,050,546 Filipinos. Observers say Pacquiao’s win brings him closer to the presidency. Some netizens howled, “Filipinos are not that dumb to make him president.” Believe me, they are.

Death Penalty
Senator-elect Manny Pacquiao, who is anti-RH Law, supports the restoration of the death penalty because “it’s Biblical.” He’s the first Filipino lawmaker in history to be pro-life and pro-death at the same time.

Rio Olympics
When asked if he would compete in the Rio Olympics, Pacquiao said, “I’ll let the people decide.” When asked if they wanted Pacquiao to go back to boxing, the people replied, “He should have just stayed there.”

Education
After being proclaimed as senator, Manny Pacquiao told the media he would push for better education for Filipinos. Which is essential if we want to prevent candidates like him from being voted again to the Senate.

1DeLimaDWIZ
Deserving
Former justice secretary Leila De Lima has been elected senator of the republic. The feisty lawyer got 14.14 million non-Iglesia Ni Cristo votes. Congratulations!

Defector
In 2010, the hardworking governor of Albay, Joey Salceda abandoned Gilbert Teodoro and defected to the Liberal Party. Last elections, he junked Liberal Party standard bearer Mar Roxas and defected to the camp of Sen. Grace Poe. Earlier this week, Salceda defected yet again, this time to the side of President-elect Rodrigo Duterte. There’s no doubt as to his competence as a local government official but if Martians would invade the Earth, Salceda would probably be the first person to defect to them.

Oldest
Mayor Rodrigo Duterte is the country’s oldest and the first septuagenarian president. In comparison, President Aquino is the youngest president to be elected who looks like a septuagenarian.

1MVInquirer
Choices
President-elect Rodrigo Duterte is planning to appoint Mark Villar, son of real estate magnate and former senator Manuel Villar, as DPWH secretary. In other news, Imelda Marcos is hoping to be appointed as head of the PCGG and Kim Wong expects to be offered the chairmanship of the Anti-Money Laundering Council.

Annabelle
Loquacious talent manager Annabelle Rama, who is friends with President-elect Rodrigo Duterte, was one of hundreds of well-wishers who visited Mayor Digong in Davao City last week. Rama says she is not interested in any government post. To which, “any government post” replied, “The feeling is mutual.”

Population
According to the Philippine Statistics Authority, there are now 100.9 million Filipinos. If you’re still single, what’s your excuse?
——————————————————————————————————————————
“The ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all.”
~John F. Kennedy

Briefly Noted
Jake Joson a.k.a. Pambansang Anino was present during Pacquiao’s proclamation as senator
1JakeJoson

Sound Bites: Manny Pacquiao
On capital punishment
“Biblical ang death penalty. Basahin nila sa Romans 13 nandoon ‘yan, pabor ako diyan.”
~Sen. Manny Pacquiao

On attending Senate sessions and avoiding absences
“As a Christian, hindi yata tama ang mangako ka. Gagawin natin lahat ng ating makakaya.”

SMH.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Pacquiao: Noel Celis, AFP/Getty Images; Mark Villar: Inquirer.net; De Lima: @DWIZ882; Jake Joson: Rappler]





PRESUMPTIVE

17 05 2016

IMELDA MARCOS with son Bongbong & family, and daughter Imee heard mass at the Baclaran Church last Sunday. The mass was not even finished yet when people inside the church started crowding the members of the former First Family and began taking photos – mostly, stolen shots. Those people just got even.

1marcoss
Mass II
Imelda Marcos and family attended church last Sunday. Reports say the Marcoses offered mass for “truth in the elections.” In totally unrelated news, Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner attended church last Sunday and offered mass for decency in newspapers.

Mass III
Bongbong Marcos heard mass with his mom, sister, and family last Sunday. His controversial son, Sandro Ferdinand was also there. When Sandro entered the church, he wondered why the number of people seated on the left side and right side of the church did not match.

Mass IV
Imelda Marcos’s nephew, Leyte 1st district Rep. Ferdinand Martin Romualdez attended mass too. Romualdez was the biggest spender among senatorial candidates in the last election. For TV ads alone, he shelled out more than 538 million pesos. Or as Romualdez calls it, “Maliit na bagay.”

Education
Reports say Sandro Marcos will soon return to London to study. He badly needs it.

1dddPlans
Rodrigo Duterte will ask Congress to revive the death penalty. But the presumprive president told the press he preferred execution by public hanging. Which, is more acceptable than his other option, the Davao Death Squad.

Presumptive president Rody Duterte said he would urge Congress to revive capital punishment – by hanging. He made the statement last Monday just minutes after watching the latest episode of Game of Thrones.

Karaoke Ban
In a press conference Monday, presumptive president Rodrigo Duterte talked about banning karaoke in public places after 10PM. Duterte also plans to ban the following songs: ‘I’ll Be,’ ‘Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang,’ ‘Wherever You Will Go,’ ‘Crazy For You,’ ‘I Will Survive’ and ‘Basang-basa Sa Ulan.’

Communists
Presumptive president Rodrigo Duterte has offered four cabinet posts to the Communist Party of the Philippines. Looks like Makabayan will be the new Akbayan.

1lenn
VP Race
Citing publicly available Comelec data, leading vice presidential candidate Leni Robredo claimed victory last Sunday. The announcement irked Bongbong Marcos, the presumptive loser.

Appearing exclusively on CNN Philippines, Bongbong Marcos claimed, “I have won.” This is coming from the guy who claimed he earned a degree from Oxford University.

ER
ER Ejercito lost his bid for governor of Laguna. That’s bad news for him – and even worse for moviegoers.

1GRRappler
A First
Filipinos have elected the country’s first transgender lawmaker: Geraldine Roman of Bataan. I would like to believe Filipino voters have matured. Just don’t mention anything about Manny Pacquiao, the senator.

Sure Winner
Senatorial candidate Manny Pacquiao will soon be declared as a winner. If, for any reason, the winner fails to fulfill his duties and responsibilities, don’t tell me we didn’t warn you.

Manny Pacquiao has won as senator. He is expected to continue the legacy of Lito Lapid.

1NASA
New Planets
NASA has reportedly spotted 1,284 new planets including nine that are “potentially habitable.” This is good news for Filipinos in case the Duterte government fails.
______________________________________________________________________________
“One of the first businesses of a sensible man is to know when he is beaten, and to leave off fighting at once.”
~Samuel Butler

Sound Bites
“Do not destroy my country because I will kill you. I will kill you. No middle ground. As long as the requirements of the law are there, if you try to evade arrest, refuse arrest… and you put up a good fight or resist violently, I will say: ‘Kill them’.”
~Presumptive president Rodrigo Duterte

Be humane.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

(Photos: Marcoses: GMA Network; Duterte: Asia Pacific.anu.edu; Geraldine Roman: Rappler; NASA)





ALARMING, SUSPICIOUS TREND

11 05 2016

1ddd
THE PEOPLE have spoken. Mayor Rodrigo Duterte will be our next president. He leads his rivals by a wide margin according to PPCRV’s quick count. Let’s respect the will of the people and allow the new president to effect change in our country and on the behavior of his most rabid supporters, hopefully.

Congratulations to some of the people behind the successful election campaign of Mayor Duterte: Carlos Dominguez, Peter Laviña, Butch Ramirez, and online political strategist, Mocha Uson.

1BBMGMA
The VP Race
When the quick count for vice president showed that Cong. Leni Robredo has overtaken Sen. Bongbong Marcos, the Marcos camp accused Robredo and the administration of cheating. They haven’t shown any proof of cheating but they sounded so sure because, you know, they’re experts on the subject.

The PPCRV says there’s no reason to terminate their election quick count. Earlier, Bongbong Marcos called for a stop to the quick count citing an “alarming and suspicious trend.” This “alarming and suspicious trend” was later identified as ‘bitterness.’

1Sandro
Alarming
On Twitter, City University London student Sandro Marcos, son of Bongbong Marcos accused the administration of cheating because the total number of votes for president and vice president were not identical. Apparently, for the young Marcos, the tally for both president and vice president must match. Political observers describe Sandro as young, brave, and a complete waste of our taxes.

1mISSINGVOTES
Alarming, Too
Marcos loyalists and supporters have been posting and sharing images that questioned the tally for vice president. They computed the difference between the votes for president and vice president and concluded that those votes were “missing.” Experts call this mindset the ‘Sandro Marcos Syndrome.’

Mistake
In Laoag City, Bureau of Election Inspectors said Sandro Ferdinand Marcos, son of vice presidential candidate Bongbong Marcos committed a mistake when he voted for two candidates for president. This voting error and that tweet reflect an “alarming trend.”

Last Monday, Sandro Ferdinand Marcos made a mistake when he voted for two presidents. To be fair, that was nothing compared to the mistake committed by Filipinos when they voted for his father to be the country’s vice president.

According to an Inquirer report, when Sandro Marcos was asked by the media about the “mistake,” the City University London student DENIED that he encountered problems with his ballot. And Bongbong Marcos was like, “Anak nga kita.”

Roxas, Poe Concede
After conceding to Mayor Duterte, the first thing that Mar Roxas did Tuesday afternoon was to eat a hamburger in a burger joint along Katipunan Avenue. In a press conference the night before, Sen. Grace Poe also conceded. The first thing that she did after conceding was to stand up and leave her chair.

Confident
After voting on Monday morning, Vice President Binay announced that he has drafted his victory speech. Binay is confident he will emerge victorious… against Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago.

After voting in San Antonio High School in Makati City, Vice President Binay, who has not tasted defeat in an election, said he would remain undefeated after Monday’s polls. In Makati.

1abby
30 Years and Counting
Abby Binay has won as mayor of Makati. She is the fourth member of the Binay family to hold that position since 1986 after her father, her mother, and her brother, Junjun. To be fair, siblings Nancy, Junjun and Abby Binay are willing to let others occupy the highest post in the city. But their children are still too young for that.

Close
The race for vice president between Sen. Bongbong Marcos and Cong. Leni Robredo is neck-and-neck. Meanwhile, the battle for the No. 1 position in the senatorial race between Joel Villanueva and Sen. Frank Drilon is also neck-and- , I mean, tight.

Pacquiao
Pacquiao started at No. 9 in the PPCRV quick count. He’s now at No. 7. Talk about an alarming trend.

More than 15 million Filipinos voted for Manny Pacquiao, the Lower House’s top absentee, to become senator. Who among you, dear readers, voted for him? Please raise your right hand. Then slap yourself.

Winning, Finally
Women’s rights advocate Risa Hontiveros is currently in 8th place in the race for senator. This is her third attempt. To prepare for this, she consulted her family, some women’s groups, and Pia Wurtzbach.
————————————————————————————————————————–
“You can never achieve greatness until you can leave bitterness behind.”
~Debasish Mridha

Sound Bites
“Let me tell you: this is not a time for tears. For our country, we have had a peaceful successful transfer of power. It’s not about me. It’s not about anyone. It’s about how we love our country and how we’ll do all that we can can for her. She’s the only one.”
~Sec. Mar Roxas

“Kagabi, inihanda ko na ang victory speech namin dahil sa palagay ko, tulad ng nakita ninyo, na mga kasama kong nag-ikot ikot ay talagang mananalo tayo.”
~Vice President Binay

#LabanLeni

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Asia Pacific.anu.edu.au; BBM: Philippine Star, Sandro Marcos on Twitter; BBM Supporters; Abby Binay: Inquirer.net]





MGA HULA AT BABALA (2016)

7 05 2016

1P

ANO ANG SINASABI ng mga bituin tungkol sa ilang kandidato at kanilang mga tagasuporta? Narito ang kanilang horoscope (hula at babala) na may bisa mula May 7 hanggang May 13.

Vice President Binay
Born November 11, 1942
Scorpio
Ihanda ang videoke machine sa bahay dahil sa unang pagkakataon sa loob ng tatlumpung taon, mapapakanta ka ng ‘My Way.’

“And now,” Mr. Vice President, “the end is near.”
Wala talagang forever.

Mayor Rodrigo Duterte
Born March 28, 1945
Aries
Maraming natatakot sa ‘yo. Pero sa panahong ito, mas nakakatakot ang supporters mo.

Pabor sa ‘yo ang alignment ng mga planeta. Ikaw ang posibleng manalo. Good luck sa ‘yo. Mas good luck sa bansang ito.

Sen. Grace Poe
Born 1968
Hindi sapat ang impormasyon upang ma-evaluate ng mga bituin ang iyong kapalaran.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago
June 15, 1945
Gemini
Kayo po ang choice ng mayorya ng mga kabataang Pilipino. Mayorya din nila, hindi rehistrado. Sayang.

Sec. Mar Roxas
Born May 13, 1957
Taurus
Matutupad ang isang bagay na matagal mo nang pinaghahandaan. Tatalunin mo si Binay sa darating na halalan. Congratulations!

Manny Pacquiao
December 17, 1978
Sagittarius
Kahit numero uno kang absentee sa Kongreso, iboboto ka pa rin ng mga tao sa Senado. Samakatuwid, hindi na ikaw ang may problema – – mga botante na.

Iglesia Ni Cristo
July 27, 1914
Dahil marami kayo, narito ang bloc horoscope n’yo…
May parating na bad news sa buong Iglesia: Sa ayaw n’yo man o sa gusto, iboboto ng mayorya si Leila De Lima. Period. Walang comma!

Duterte Diehards:
Wala kayong horoscope. ‘Di naman kayo nakikinig sa sasabihin ng kahit sino eh. Sayang lang ang laway.

Binay Supporters:
See the horoscope of Duterte Diehards. Lilipat din naman kayo ‘di ba?

President Aquino:
Tapos na ang pangangampanya para sa ‘yong kandidato. Bumalik ka na sa trabaho bilang pangulo. Now na!
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
“Win or lose, we go shopping after the election.”
~Imelda Marcos

Sound Bites
“After all, fish rots from the head; so if the leader thinks it fine to bash the Pope for traffic woes, or joke about the rape-slaying of a missionary, or deliver vituperative remarks about other countries for reacting to his extreme comments, what can people expect of his followers?”
~PDI Editorial, Arresting a slide to mob rule

Think before you shade.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: SpikeDaily.com]





I. CAN’T. EVEN.

3 05 2016

ONLINE discussions on the upcoming elections have become so intense that some people can no longer control their emotions. In expressing their opinions though, some netizens have become unreasonable. ‘Yong iba, mema lang.

Here are 10 of the most cringe-worthy posts on social media recently.

1Logo
Nagulat si Danding! Pag-aari na pala niya ang BPI, ‘di man lang siya na-inform.
(Pati last name niya, nabago na rin pala. #casttle)

1Ver
“Akala ng admin na ‘yan, bobo ang mga kabataan ngayon.”
Eh sino si Flavian Vher.

1yellowregime
Maikunek lang.

1Kris
Makapagyabang lang.

1rape
Makapal daw ang mukha, mukhang mangkukulam at dapat magpaayos ng ngipin si Melai. Ang daming sinabi. ‘Di ba pwedeng “pangit” na lang? Judgmental!

1bpi
“Lahat kami na somusuporta, ay magclose account sa BPI.”
Lahat talaga? Pati ‘yong walang account?

1Balota

11Balota
Ireklamo n’yo na rin ang pinya, saging, sunflower, dilaw ng itlog, mangga, kasuy, santol, school bus, si Yellow 4 ng Bioman at ‘yong Lakers kasi “bias” din sila!

1batman
Ano raw?

1Karen
Biased*

1GMA
Hay naku GMA News Online! “Bias” kayo! “BIAS!”
(Anong pautot ‘yan?!)

————————————————————————————————————————–
“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”
~Martin Luther King Jr.

Sound Bites
“I have been a subject of cyberbullying. The memes are actually hilarious in their stupidity which is something to be sad about because they are symptoms of a deeper problem in our society.”
~Investigative Ellen Tordesillas on rabid Duterte supporters

Think before you vote.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





BIAS

27 04 2016

sws
DESPITE HIS tasteless comment about rape, Mayor Rodrigo Duterte’s popularity continues to surge based on the recent pre-election surveys. He is No. 1 in the Pulse Asia poll and he is No. 1 in the SWS survey – which explains his latest campaign slogan and mantra: Si Mayor dapat ang mauna!

Loser
Vice President Binay was the biggest loser in the April 18-20 SWS survey dropping to fourth place with 14 percent – down 6 points from 20 percent in the March 30-April 2 survey. Analysts say this thing is kinda new to the Binays because “nasanay silang laging mataas ang porsiyento.”

Alarmed by his slide in the recent SWS survey, the Vice President has reportedly doubled his efforts in the campaign trail. When asked if Binay still has time to sleep, a loyal aide replied, “Panakaw na tulog na lang.”

1PDUP
“Bias”
To fuel anti-Mar Roxas and anti-ABS-CBN sentiments, someone edited a clip from the recent presidential debate to make it appear that ABS-CBN favored Mar Roxas by giving him the questions in advance. It has since been exposed as a hoax. But the people behind the video have succeeded. Statistics showed the edited clip was shared and reposted by netizens who were 50 percent anti-Mar and 50 percent gullible.

Critics say Mar Roxas performed well in the last presidential debate only because questions were “leaked” to him by ABS-CBN. Angry netizens ranted: “Bias ang ABS-CBN!” “Lokohan ang debate na ‘yan. Bias talaga!” “Sobrang bias ng media!” “Halatang-halatang bias si Karen Davila.” Those people were really angry but Grammar Nazis were angrier.

Winning
Manny Pacquiao placed third in the latest Social Weather Stations senatorial survey. A surprised Pacquiao thanked his family, his supporters and Timothy Bradley.

Losing
In the latest SWS survey, Alma Moreno failed to enter the Magic 12. She was No. 23. To be fair, she has been praying really hard – and every time she prays, God has an answer: No.

New Pollster
There’s a new pollster in town and it has released the results of its presidential poll. In the April 12-18 survey conducted by D’ Strafford Research & Strategies Inc., Mar Roxas emerged as the top choice of respondents. The question asked was, “Kung gaganapin ang eleksyon ngayon at si Mar Roxas lamang ang kandidato sa pagkapangulo, sino ang iboboto mo?”

Many people doubted the results of the presidential survey conducted by D’ Strafford Research & Strategies Inc. Some of the questions raised include the following: Who commissioned the survey? How reliable was the method used? AND Why would you name your research firm with a D’?

sws
Kris Being Kris
Under fire for using the presidential chopper during an LP campaign sortie, Kris Aquino had an answer to her critics. On Instagram, she posted the amount of income tax she paid for the last 8 years. It totaled more than 322 million pesos. Which only proved that even if you’re earning THAT much, you can’t buy logic.
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“A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true.”
~Demosthenes

Sound Bites
“When I started, at least in the first few months, it seemed so impossible to catch up. But now, it’s happening.”
~Congw. Leni Robredo

No to thieves!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: SWS: Inquirer.net; Kris Aquino’s IG]





LAGLAGAN NA!

23 04 2016

1d30
Duterte and Endorsements
Duterte: O, inendorso raw ako ni Pope Francis.

Supporter: Joke lang ‘yon sir. Kami lang ang nagpakalat n’yan.

Duterte: O, inendorso raw ako nina Liza Soberano at Andi Eigenmann.

Supporter: Sorry sir, joke lang. Kami lang din ang nagpakalat n’yan.

Duterte: Eh ‘yong Singapore government, inendorso rin daw ako.

Supporter: Pati ‘yan sir, joke lang.

Duterte: Put*ng-ina! Puro kayo joke, joke, joke! Saan n’yo na ba natutunan ‘yan?!?

Supporter:

Duterte: Tangnamu! Alam ko ang iniisip mo! Gago!

Duterte and Diplomacy
Supporter: Sir, nagalit ang Australia sa rape joke n’yo!

Duterte: Pwes, puputulin ko ang ugnayan sa Australia!

Supporter: Sir, nagalit din ang USA sa rape joke n’yo!

Duterte: Puputulin ko ang ugnayan sa Amerika!

Supporter: Sir, nagalit ang mga kababaihan sa rape joke n’yo!

Duterte: Puputulin ko ang ugnayan sa mga babae!

Supporter:

Duterte: Joooooke! Babae ‘yan ‘no! Sayang. Dapat mauna ang mayor.

Psych Tests
VP Binay: Siraulo ka! ‘Yan ang laman ng psychological test mo!!!!!!

Duterte: Itinanggi ko ba? Gago. Pag ikaw ang nag-psych test, makikita dun, magnanakaw ka.

VP Binay: Tanga. Hindi makikita dun kung magnanakaw ako.

Duterte: Eh saan?

VP Binay: Sa dummy bank accounts.

Duterte:

VP Binay: Jooooke! Akala mo ikaw lang ang marunong mag-joke? Wala akong dummy accounts ‘no! At lalong hindi ako nagnakaw!

1kriss
Kris Aquino and the Chopper
Reporter: Sir, binabatikos si Kris ngayon dahil sa pagsakay sa presidential chopper patungo sa kampanya ng LP. Pag-abuso daw ‘yun sa government resources.

President Aquino: Well, isa siya sa may pinakamalaking binayarang buwis sa government.

Reporter: ‘Yan talaga Sir ang reply n’yo? Na malaki ang binabayaran n’yang buwis kaya ok lang? Anong lohika ‘yan? Bakit ganyan kayo mag-isip? Sino bang adviser n’yo? Lagi na lang bang ganyan ang klase ng inyong pangangatwiran? Ano bang uri ng lider kayo?

President Aquino:

Reporter: Noted Sir.

Kris Aquino and the Chopper II
Kris: I hate them na. They’re saying we’re making abuso the resources of government.

President Aquino: ‘Wag mo na lang kasing pansinin.

Kris: But they’re right naman ‘di ba? Part ng government resources ang chopper.

President Aquino:

Kris: Fine. I’ll ignore them na lang!

Kris Aquino and the Chopper III
Kris: Grabehhh. They’re making batikos me na. Ayaw akong tigilan. Hurt ako. Defend me naman o!

President Aquino: Ayaw mo ba no’n? Nasa ‘yo ang atensyon ng tao.

Kris:

President Aquino: Heto na nga, magsasalita na!

Kris Aquino and the Chopper IV
Bongbong Marcos: Maling gamitin ang resources ng gobyerno katulad ng presidential chopper sa pansariling interes.

Kris: Nakakaloka! Of all people, ikaw pa talaga?! IKAW PA TALAGA?!

Bongbong: But it’s true.

Kris: Eh anong tawag sa ginawa ng pamilya mo sa resources ng gobyerno noong term ng ama mo?

Bongbong: Those were government resources, yes. Pero back then, we practically owned everything in the Philippines including the government. So, amin lahat ‘yun.

Kris:

Bongbong: But it’s true!

Laglagan
VP Binay: Totoo bang iiwan mo na ako?

Jonvic Remulla: Gusto ko lang magpahinga muna sa kampanya. I’m tired.

Binay: Ang tsismis, ilalaglag mo na raw ako at lilipat ka sa bago mong idol – si Duterte?

Remulla: Bagong idol? Wala kayong pruweba! Putang-i*a!!!

Binay:

Remulla: Ooops. Buking.

1joey
Laglagan II
Governor Salceda: Mr. President, hindi ko na kayang suportahan si Mar! Lilipat na ako kay Grace Poe!

President Aquino: Eh ‘di lumipat ka! Ganyan ka naman talaga ‘di ba? Kung kailan lugmok ang kapartido, saka ka mang-iiwan! Kung kailan mahina sa survey, saka mo ilalaglag. Ganyang-ganyan din ang ginawa mo kay Gilbert Teodoro noong 2010 ‘di ba?! Matapos mong i-endorso, inabandona mo!

Salceda: Eh sa LP naman ako lumipat noon ‘di ba! Gaga!

President Aquino:

Salceda: Sorry sir. Expression lang ‘yon. It doesn’t mean anything. ‘Wag judgmental.

Laglagan II
Governor Salceda: Mr. President…

President Aquino: I know. Mababa si Mar sa survey at mas may chance manalo si Grace Poe kaya lilipat ka sa kanya. Magre-resign ka sa party. Pero grateful ka pa rin sa pagkakataong ibinigay ko sa ‘yo na maglingkod sa pamahalaan bilang member ng LP. At kahit ano pang mangyari, hinding-hindi maaapektuhan ng pulitika ang ating pagkakaibigan.

Salceda: Alam mo na pala eh! Eh ‘di sige, ikaw na! Tapusin mo na! Go! Ikaw na rin ang mag-resign sa partido at ikaw na rin ang lumipat kay Grace Poe! Go ahead! GOOOO!

President Aquino:

Salceda: ‘Wag kasing ganun Sir. Hate ko ‘yong pini-preempt ako eh.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
“You have to quit confusing a madness with a mission.”
~Flannery O’Connor, The Violent Bear it Away

Sound Bites
“Iyong isa doon, classmate ko pa. Eh na-stroke, paganoon-ganoon (mimics). Gusto ko sabihin, ‘Pakamatay ka na lang.’”
~Mayor Duterte on a disabled classmate

“Hindi ko rin nakita kung ano ‘yung pinuna nila. Tanong ko lang: siguro batid naman ng lahat na isa siya sa pinakamalaking individual taxpayer.”
~President Aquino on criticisms being hurled at Kris Aquino

“The bottomline, ‘pag nand’yan sa internet, nandyan na ‘yan forever o kung may nag-download, at marami nang nag-download malamang, kalat na ‘yan sa internet. There’s no way you can put the (proverbial) toothpaste back into the tube.”
~Engr. Pierre Galla, Democracy.net.ph. on the Comelec voters’ data leak

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Philstar.com; Kris Aquino: Municipality of Dalaguete; Joey Salceda: Inquirer.net]





JOKE OF THE DAY

18 04 2016

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________________________________________________________________________________________________
“Flirting with madness was one thing; when madness started flirting back, it was time to call the whole thing off.”
~Rohinton Mistry, A Fine Balance

Sound Bites: Mayor Duterte
“I don’t care kung ma-disqualify ako. Kapag na-disqualify ako, I will campaign for Binay.

“They say my timeline is ambitious. Kung hindi ko magawa ‘yan sa tatlong buwan eh ‘di ibigay ko na lang kay Bongbong Marcos ang presidency.”

“Ni-rape nila lahat ng mga babae so ‘yung unang asolte, kasi nag-retreat sila, naiwan ‘yung ginawa nilang cover, ang isa doon ‘yung lay minister na Australyana. Tsk, problema na ito. Paglabas, eh ‘di binalot. Tiningnan ko ‘yung mukha, ‘tang-ina parang artista sa Amerika na maganda. Putang-ina, sayang ito. (Crowd erupts in laughter) Ang nagpasok sa isip ko, ni-rape nila, pinagpilahan nila doon. Nagalit ako kasi ni-rape, oo isa rin ‘yun. Pero napakaganda, dapat ang mayor muna ang mauna. Sayang.” (Crowd cheered)

Ladies and gentlemen, your president.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Duterte: Inquirer.net]





QUOTE IN THE ACT

14 04 2016

HOW updated are you? Time for yet another current events quiz.

1cnn
1: Before he changed his answer to “No,” YES ang unang naging sagot ni Bongbong Marcos sa tanong na ito during the recent vice presidential debate:
A: Naniniwala ka bang kapatid mo si Grace Poe?
B: Ilusyon lang ba ang human rights abuses at kurapsyon noong Martial Law?
C: Nasangkot ka na ba sa anumang uri ng katiwalian?
D: Mauwi kaya sa totohanan ang ligawang Alden at Yaya Dub?

2: Kumpletuhin ang patutsada ni Mayor Duterte kay Mar Roxas sa isang ambush interview: “Subukan mo ako. Maghawak ka ng _________ sa harap ko, pasabugin ko sa ulo mo.”
A: bayot
B: baril
C: bayag
D: shabu

3: Gamit na gamit ng mga kandidato sa kanilang political ads at campaign speeches ang four Ps. Anu-ano ba ang four Ps na ‘yan?
A: Pantawid Pamilyang Pilipino Program
B: Pagkain, Puhunan, Pagmamahal, Pamasahe
C: Pagpatay, Pananakot, Pangha-harass, Put*ng-ina
D: Pagnanakaw, Pananamantala, Paghahari-harian, Pambabalewala

4: Sa nakaraan pa ring vice presidential debate, nagsasalita pa si Alan Peter Cayetano nang biglang sumingit si Bongbong Marcos. Ano ang naging reaksyon ni Cayetano?
A: “Oras ko ‘to. Maghintay ka sa oras mo. Palibhasa, sanay kang lumalabag sa rules.”
B: “Wala namang bastusan. ‘Kita mo namang nagsasalita pa ako, umeepal ka na.”
C: “Can I have my one minute now o pati ‘yon nanakawin mo pa rin?”
D: “Nagmamadali ka ba? May naghihintay na taxi sa labas?”

5: Nang tanungin tungkol sa isyu ng anti-political dynasty bill, ito ang unang lumabas sa bibig ni Gringo Honasan during the vice presidential debate:
A: “Hindi ako sang-ayon sa bill na ‘yan. Taumbayan ang dapat magpasya.”
B: “Hindi pa natin alam ang depinisyon ng dynasty.”
C: “Porke may limang Binay sa pulitika, dynasty na? Unfair naman. Hintayin nating umabot sa 12.”
D: “Hindi kasalanan ng mga tao na isilang silang iisa ang apelyido.”

6: Nang ungkatin ang isyu ng ill-gotten wealth ng mga Marcos at ang posibilidad na pagbabalik nito sa gobyerno, ano ang sinabi ni Bongbong Marcos?
A: “I cannot give what I do not have.”
B: “Wala kaming ninakaw ni singko. Ang ‘di maniwala, mamamatay mamayang 8:35.”
C: “Naka-time deposit lahat ‘yon sa Switzerland at hindi sa akin nakapangalan. Wala akong power i-open ang accounts.”
D: “Kaya nga namin ninakaw para  pakinabangan. Bakit namin ibabalik? Ano kami, tanga?

7: Ayon kay Vice President Binay, berdugo raw si Mayor Duterte. Sumagot si Digong, “Ikaw Binay, may kaso ka, corruption. Billion. Hindi lang ikaw, pati asawa mo, pati anak mo. Mabuti pa si Imelda o Ferdinand, conjugal. Dalawa lang. Eh kayo, ____________.”
A: Family affair
B: Angkan ng kadiliman
C: Cash of clan
D: Basketball team

8: Sabi ni Kit Tatad, nagkaroon ng secret meeting sina Pangulong Aquino at Grace Poe sa Malacañang noong March 8. Ano ang reaksyon ni presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda sa rebelasyon ni Kit Tatad?
A: “I wish Kit Tatad a long career in fiction writing.”
B: “Kit Tatad who?”
C: “Ipis, daga at lamok na lang ang naniniwala sa taong tulad ni Kit Tatad.”
D: “Imbey!”

9: Sa panayam ng GMA News sa senatorial candidate na si Atty. Larry Gadon, ano ang ibinunyag nitong solusyon sakaling hindi madaan sa matinding pakiusapan ang mga rebeldeng Muslim sa Mindanao?
A: “Isasama ko ang Davao Death Squad ni Mayor Duterte dahil ‘yon lang naman ang kinatatakutan nila eh.”
B: “Lulusubin ko sila at papatayin ko silang lahat. Susunugin ko ang mga bahay nila. Papatayin ko pati mga ipis at daga. Kailangang burahin ang lahi nila!”
C: “Sabik sa mga artista ‘yang mga ‘yan. Dadalhin ko doon ang AlDub, KathNiel, LizQuen, at JaDine para mag-show.”
D: “Bubuhusan ko sila ng truck-truck na karne at dugo ng baboy hanggang sa malunod silang lahat.”

10: Still on the vice presidential debate, huling-huli ng camera ang lalaking ito habang sumisigaw ng “Booo!” kay Antonio Trillanes. Sino siya?

1Binay
A: Nasaan?
B: Anong suot?
C: Joke ba ‘to?
D: Clue.
————————————————————————————————————————————-
“We’d all like to vote for the best man, but he’s never a candidate.”
~Kin Hubbard

Sound Bites
“I am excited to win. Not for myself but for my countrymen. Sa aming anim, may the best woman win.”
~Leni Robredo, Closing statement, vice presidential debate

Answers:
1: C

2: D

3: A

4: C

5: B

6: A

7: D

8: A

9: B

10: All of the above

Scores:
9-10: Aware ka sa nangyayari sa kapaligiran mo. May pakialam ka. Dahil d’yan, positibo ang mangyayari sa love life mo sa mga susunod na araw.

7-8: Pwede na. Konting basa pa.

5-6: Ang lakas ng tsamba.

Below 5: What sorcery is this? Where have you been? Magpapayat ka nga.

Vote wisely. No to thieves!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





BLACKOUT, BAYOT, BORGY ATBP. KWENTO

7 04 2016

1NAIA
#NAIABlackout
President Aquino: O Jun, ano na namang kapalpakan ‘to?

Secretary Abaya: Mr. President, nag-black out eh. ‘Tapos drained pala ang battery ng standby generator sa NAIA kaya five hours walang kuryente.

President Aquino: FIVE HOURS?!?

Abaya: To be fair Mr. President, hindi naman fatal.

President Aquino: At buhay naman lahat sila ‘di ba? Good.

#NAIABlackout II
Abaya: Mr. President, tama ang iyong narinig: limang oras ang blackout sa NAIA.

President Aquino: Ano ba naman ‘yan, Jun?! Lagi na lang bang may ganyang kapalpakan?

Abaya: Mr. President, I have failed you and our people again. I am now ready to resign.

President Aquino: Kahanga-hanga ka talaga Jun!

Abaya: But since two months na lang tayo sa puwesto,  pag-aralan mo munang mabuti kung tatanggapin mo ang resignation ko o hihintayin na lang nating matapos ang iyong termino.

President Aquino:

Abaya: Suggestion lang!

#NAIABlackout III
President Aquino: LIMANG ORAS na blackout?! Wala bang warning o notice man lang? Wala bang generator? Wala bang nagawa para maiwasan ang kapalpakang ito?!? Lagi na lang ganyan! Paulit-ulit na lang!

Abaya: BAKIT?!? AKO BA ANG NAG-CAUSE NG BLACKOUT?! GUSTO KO BA ANG NANGYARI?!? FAULT KO BA KUNG DRAINED ANG BATTERIES NG PUNYETANG MGA GENERATOR NA ‘YON?!? AKO BA ANG MANILA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT AUTHORITY GENERAL MANAGER?! SAWANG-SAWA NA AKO SA MGA BATIKOS!

President Aquino:

Abaya: Sorry sir. Sobrang init kasi sa labas. Nahawa ako. ‘Sensya naman.

1candidates#Komiks
Roxas: May komiks ako.

Marcos: May komiks din ako.

Roxas: Hero ako noong Yolanda sa komiks ko.

Marcos: Superhero ako ng Pilipinas sa komiks ko.

Roxas: Hindi nagnakaw sa gobyerno ang aking pamilya.

Marcos: Ba’t naman napunta dun ang usapan? Balik tayo sa komiks.

#SCDecisionLeak
Poe: Nag-leak na ang Supreme Court decision. Tuloy ang candidacy ko!

Mar: Paano nangyari ‘yon?

Poe: Mabait si Lord.

Binay: Paano kung na-reverse?

Poe: Nag-decide na nga eh. Irrelevant question.

Miriam: Paano kung mali ang leak?

Poe: Reliable ang source namin.

Duterte: Paano kung isang hatinggabing tulog ka eh magkaputukan sa Spratlys?

Poe: Ulol!

#Endorsement
Poe: Ako ang inendorso ni Erap.

Roxas: Ako ang inendorso ng mga Pineda.

Binay: Ako ang inendorso ng mga Ampatuan.

Duterte: Pasensya na. Pero ‘pag ako ang nanalong presidente, patay sa akin ‘yang mga endorsers n’yo!

1panama
#PanamaLeaks
Jinggoy: Basta ako, wala ang pangalan sa #PanamaLeaks na ‘yan. Ewan ko lang sa iba d’yan.

JV Ejercito: Basta ako, walang PLUNDER case. At hindi ako NAKAKULONG! Ewan ko lang sa iba d’yan.

Jinggoy:

JV: O, bakit? Sino ba’ng nauna?

#PanamaLeaks II
Borgy: Ma, the prime minister of Iceland resigned na after ma-expose na meron siyang offshore accounts.

Imee: Borgy, Iceland ‘yan. We’re in the Philippines.

Borgy: But Ma, the perception is we’re a family of thieves and we have offshore accounts.

Imee: That’s not true! We don’t have offshore accounts!

#PacquiaoAttack
(Backgrounder: Manny Pacquiao was verbally attacked by a stranger outside a Japanese restaurant in Las Vegas earlier this week.)
Attacker: Fuck you Pacquiao! Fuck you!

Pacquiao: God bless you.

Attacker: You homophobe!

Pacquiao:

Attacker: YOU HOMOPHOBE!

Pacquiao: Ano ‘yon?

1Kimwong
#BangladeshTheft
Jinggoy: Pare, ibinalik pala ni Kim Wong ‘yong ninakaw ng hackers sa gobyerno ng Bangladesh.

Bong: Nabasa ko nga. At pinuri pa siya online. Pogi points. Gawin din kaya natin ‘yon.

Jinggoy: Gago! Wala tayong ninakaw, remember?

Bong:

Jinggoy: Umayos ka.
————————————————————————————————————————–
“When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men in a society, over the course of time they create for themselves a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it.”
~Frédéric Bastiat

Sound Bites
“Si Mar, bayot. Hindi niya kaya. Kaya ko kasi lalaki ako. Hindi ka lalaki Mar, paano ‘yan. Takot kang pumatay, takot kang mamatay. Subukan mo ako. Maghawak ka ng shabu sa harap ko, pasabugin ko sa ulo ko. You try holding shabu in my presence. ‘Pag ‘di kita binaril sa ulo, ‘tang-ina mo.”
~Mayor Duterte

“I am but a pawn in a highest-stakes chess games played by giants in international banking and high finance.”
~Maia Santos-Deguito, sacked RCBC branch manager

Elsewhere
The Panama Papers leak, explained with an adorable comic about piggy banks
Para madaling maintindihan, read this illustrated article.

Say no to thieves.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Panama Papers: CommonDreams.Org; NAIA Blackout: GMA News; Candidates: Philstar.com; Kim Wong: ABSCBN News]





SUPERHERO

2 04 2016

FROM 2010 to 2015, Quezon City topped the list of cities with the highest number of index crimes such as theft and robbery. Which is understandable since the House of Representatives is located in QC.

1Kimwong
Returned
Controversial businessman Kim Wong turned over 4.6 million dollars to the Anti-Money Laundering Council for safekeeping. The amount was part of the 81 million dollars stolen by hackers from the Bangladeshi government. Political analysts say, with that behavior, Kim Wong will never make it to either the Senate or Congress.

Returned II
Kim Wong returned the money stolen by hackers from the Bangladeshi government. When asked if they’re willing to do the same, the Marcoses said, “We didn’t connive with hackers.”

1BBMComics
Superhero
Bongbong Marcos got flak for releasing a comic booklet that portrayed members of his family as victims following the popular People Power revolt in 1986. The comic book also depicted Bongbong as a (caped) super-hero whose powers include the ability to erase Martial Law memories from people’s minds.

According to GMA News Research, when the Marcoses left the country in 1986, they brought with them 22 crates of cash valued at 717 million dollars; 300 crates of assorted jewelry; deposit slips (124 million dollars) to banks in Switzerland, the US, and the Cayman Islands, and a lot more! If that’s how Bongbong Marcos defines “victim,” I’m willing to be one.

1JMcdo
Endorsement
Jollibee Foods Corp. has denied reports that its chairman, Tony Tan Caktiong is endorsing Mayor Rodrigo Duterte. In related news, McDonald’s has denied rumors that one of its mascots, Hamburglar is endorsing Vice President Binay.

Endorsement II
Jollibee Foods Corp. released a statement denying Malaya columnist Rey Arcilla’s claim that the popular food chain’s founder and chairman Tony Tan Caktiong, has endorsed the candidacy of Mayor Duterte. In related news, friends of Rey Arcilla have expressed concern for the columnist’s health when they got word that he was “nakuryente.”

Endorsement III
The controversial Pineda family of Pampanga recently endorsed the candidacy of Mar Roxas. When a reporter asked how it felt to have the backing of influential couple Lilia and Bong Pineda, the LP bet said, “Para akong tumama sa jueteng!”

1PaoloRoxas
The Son
Mar Roxas’s son from a previous relationship joined his campaign sortie in Laguna the other day. Twenty-two-year old Paolo Zaldarriaga Roxas who studies at Yale University has been described in news reports as “tall,” “toned,” and “good looking” prompting Mar’s rivals to demand a DNA test.

Tragic
Police opened fire on protesting farmers in North Cotabato Friday killing at least two and leaving dozen others injured. The government was heavily criticized for the violent dispersal. People are angry at the administration. Apparently, the dispersal unit was headed by someone who wanted to see Mar Roxas lose.

The Bout
Senatorial aspirant Manny Pacquiao has a scheduled fight in Las Vegas next week. ‘k.
——————————————————————————————————————————-
“You can believe in whatsoever you like, but the truth remains the truth, no matter how sweet the lie may taste.”
~ Michael Bassey Johnson

Sound Bites
“(Ang) kasinungalingan at katarantaduhang Bongbong (ay) tuloy-tuloy. This is trademark Bongbong already. ‘Yong revisionism ng kasaysayan; ‘yong pagpapalabas na siya ay bida, at ‘yong pagpapalabas na inapi ang kanilang pamilya.”
~Boni Ilagan, Martial Law victim

No to thieves.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kim Wong/Money: Dax Lucas and GMA News; Mar-Pineda: Inquirer,net; Paolo Roxas: Inquirer.net, @iamcitizenp and @akosimumble]





CIRCUS, COMICS AND OTHER STORIES

28 03 2016

1binay
SAYING “Forgiveness is the message of Holy Week,” UNA’s Toby Tiangco prayed that critics of Vice President Binay would have a “change of heart.” In response, critics of the Vice President prayed that “his supporters and followers would have a change of mind.”

Survey
Sen. Grace Poe topped the Bilang Pilipino-SWS mobile survey conducted two days after the recent presidential debate in Cebu City. Poe got 35 percent followed by Mayor Duterte with 26 percent. For some reason, the survey results were released in the middle of the night and the first thing that the lady senator did when she was informed about it was to wake up.

Offended
Mayor Duterte admits he hates being compared to US presidential hopeful Donald Trump. The outspoken Trump is a bigot and a known womanizer. Duterte insists, “I’m not like him! I’m not a bigot!”

Batman v Superman
Making a killing at the box office right now is the movie ‘Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.’ To give you an idea about the story, Batman is convinced that Superman has become a threat to humanity. Hence, his attempt to end the Man of Steel’s reign on Earth. The movie’s working title was ‘Roxas vs. Duterte.’

1Roxas
Life Story
Supporters of Mar Roxas have recently  released a comic book chronicling his life as a public servant – including a controversial chapter on the role he played during the onslaught of Typhoon Yolanda in Tacloban City. Critics expect the comic book to top National Book Store’s bestseller list – fiction category.

Life Story II
Supporters of Mar Roxas has turned his life story into a comic book – forcing the presidential hopeful to drop the slogan, “Walang drama. Trabaho lang.”

Life Story III
Supporters of Mar Roxas has turned his life story into a comic book. Not to be outdone, Vice President Binay’s life story has been turned into a Crime/Mystery novel.

Local Elections
The campaign period for the local polls has officially started with candidates making the rounds of their constituencies. Some news reports described Day 1 as “a circus” with political clowns trying hard to entertain the voters. The reports drew outrage from a group of clowns who issued a strongly-worded statement saying they were “very much offended by the comparison.”

Shameless
In Pagbilao, Quezon… this Bonifacio Shrine has virtually disappeared because of the huge campaign posters and tarps of local politicians. Ano kaya ang slogan ng partidong ito?

1Pagbilao
A: “Numero uno sa laban… sa laban ng pakapalan!”
B: “Kung ‘di ka tagarito, ‘wag kang magreklamo!”
C: “Partido ng Matatapang: Kahit si Bonifacio, ‘di uurungan!”
D: “Kanya-kanyang trip lang ‘yan; walang pakialaman.”

[Update: The tarps have been removed last Sunday according to a netizen from Pagbilao.]

Makati Politics
Vice President Binay’s daughter, Abby who served as congresswoman for nine consecutive years is now running for mayor of Makati. Her campaign promise worries some Makati residents though: “Ipagpapatuloy ko ang nasimulan ng aking ama.”

Makati Politics II
For councilor, Abby Binay’s lineup of candidates includes singer Rico J. Puno; dancer and TV host Jhong Hilario, and action star Monsour Del Rosario – in an apparent bid to topple Quezon City as the ‘City of Stars.’

Birthday Boy
On Monday, March 28, two famous persons celebrated their birthdays: Mayor Rodrigo Duterte and pop icon Lady Gaga. Of course, Lady Gaga and Mayor Duterte are different: One is daring and eccentric, and the other is Lady Gaga.

Launched
Diwata-1, the first Philippine-made satellite was recently launched into space. Filipino scientists who worked on the microsatellite is reportedly busy now with a more ambitious and highly-anticipated project: sending politicians into space.
————————————————————————————————————————————————
“When one with honeyed words but evil mind
Persuades the mob, great woes befall the state.”

~Euripides, Orestes

Sound Bites
“This was a 15-year old case already. The trial went on for seven years. This has nothing to do whether you’re an LP, this has nothing to do of being in the official family ng Pangulo.”
~Former Bukidnon Rep. Neric Acosta on his graft conviction

Elsewhere
“Will voters then settle for an “inexperienced” but fresh leader, a “vigilante” straight-talking leader, a performing but allegedly “corrupt” leader, a decent leader accused of being pretentious by some, or a sick leader absent in the second debate? Who do you think the millennials will ultimately vote for?”
~Josiah Go, Unmasking presidential candidates

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Binay/Abby Binay: Inquirer.net; Roxas Comics: Lottie Salarda via GMA News; Pagbilao Candidates: Philippine Star]





NOTES ON A DEBATE

21 03 2016

1PD2
THE SECOND presidential debate took place Sunday in Cebu City. #PilipinasDebates2016 started 90 minutes late though because Vice President Binay refused to follow one debate rule: No cheating.

Vice President Binay wanted to bring some notes and documents to the stage during the debate. But it was against the rules. Binay insisted however that five days earlier, he was allowed to do so by the event’s media partner, TV5. Apparently, there had been some sort of miscommunication between the Binay camp and Comelec Chair Luchi Cruz-Valdes.

To be fair to Luchi Cruz-Valdes, she handled the snafu like a pro. She immediately apologized for the mistake and took responsibility for it. Said President Aquino, “Pwede pala ‘yon?!?”

Nancy Binay was spotted outside the venue before the debate started. When quizzed by reporters about the delay, Nancy Binay said she didn’t know what was happening. Among many other things.

After the debate, moderator Luchi Cruz-Valdes requested the candidates to stay for a few minutes because Comelec Chairman Andy Bautista, TV5 CEO Noel Lorenzana, and UP President Alfredo Pascual wanted to congratulate them. Duterte, Poe, and Roxas stayed. But Binay immediately walked out – leaving the stage just as he arrived: like a true diva.

Goebbels
Reacting to the corruption issues raised by Mar Roxas and Grace Poe, Vice President Binay said the two were “disciples of Goebbels,” master propagandist of Hitler’s Nazi regime. Just so you know, it was Goebbels who was quoted to have said, “If you tell a Binay lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.”

1debate 1
In case you missed it, here’s the transcript of the most heated portions of the debate.

Binay vs. Poe
Binay: Hindi ka Filipino!

Poe: Hindi ako nangulimbat!

Binay: Grabe ka namang magbintang. Parang na-convict na ako ah!

Poe: Sinabi ko bang ikaw ang nangulimbat? Nagbanggit ba ako ng pangalan?!

Binay: ‘Sensya naman. Akala ko kasi ako ang tinutukoy mo. So sino?

Poe: Tanga! Ikaw nga ‘yon. Helllllo??!! May iba pa ba. #asa

Binay vs Roxas
Roxas: Pati kama at iba pang gamit sa ospital, overpriced sabi ng COA!

Binay: Hindi overpriced ‘yan. We are entitled sa mamahaling gamit. Taga-Makati kami! Sosyalin!

Roxas: Pati building, bawat square meter, overpriced sabi ng COA.

Binay: Paulit-ulit ka ng bintang! Disipulo ka ni Goebbels!

Roxas: Paulit-ulit ka rin ng deny! Spell ‘Goebbels!’

Binay: Huwag mong ibahin ang usapan. Balik tayo sa overpricing.

Duterte vs. Roxas vs. Binay
Duterte: You’re a fraud! Sabi mo graduate ka ng Wharton, hindi ka taga-Wharton!

Roxas: Malinaw na malinaw, Wharton na po ang nagsabi. Nagtapos ako doon.

Binay: Digong, baka naman umattend ‘yan ng seminar sa Wharton. Hihihi

Roxas: Sandali, ito nga pala ang sabi ng COA sa overpriced school building sa Makati.

Binay: Ba’t ba ako nasali d’yan?! Oras mo ‘yan Digong. Go! Kaya mo na ‘yan!

Poe vs. Roxas
Poe: ‘Pag kaalyado, selective justice ang pinaiiral n’yo!

Roxas: Hindi ‘yan totoo! Kaalyado man o hindi, kinakasuhan kapag mali!

Poe: Si Jun Abaya ng DOTC, nasa puwesto pa rin until now kahit napakaraming kapalpakan!

Roxas:

Poe: Si Jun Abaya ng DOTC, nasa puwesto pa rin until now kahit napakaraming kapalpakan!

Roxas: Paulit-ulit? Nasabi mo na ‘di ba?

Duterte vs. Poe
Duterte: Kapag bigla kang ginising isang gabi dahil nagkakaputukan na sa Spratlys, ano ang una mong gagawin?

Poe: Babangon muna siyempre.

Duterte:

Poe:

Duterte: ‘Yan tayo eh. Duterte… 3 points! Hihihi

Roxas vs. Duterte
Duterte: Kung hindi ka handang pumatay o mamatay, hindi ka puwedeng mag-presidente!

Roxas: Mahihirap lang ang pinapatay mo! Wala kang binanggang kriminal o corrupt na mayaman.

Duterte: Ah ganun? Gusto mong pakitaan kita ngayon ng sample? Pwes…

Binay: Hoy Luchi… Luchi! Hindi ka ba aawat? Time is up na yata si Digong!

Poe vs. Binay Part 2
Poe: Suportado natin ang FOI Bill na may ngipin!

Binay: Sus! Kapag ako ang naging pangulo, maglalabas ako ng executive order on Freedom of Information Bill! Gano’n kabilis!

Poe: Agad-agad? Sige nga, kung suportado n’yo ang FOI Bill, nasaan ho sina Ebeng Baloloy at Gerry Limlingan?

Binay: Ang sabi ko, “KAPAG ako ang naging pangulo…” May qualifier! ‘Di ka ba nakikinig!?
—————————————————————————————————————————–
“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.”
~Albert Einstein

Sound Bites
“Oops, alam mo, we are entitled to buy mamahalin kasi we have the best practice.”
~Vice President Binay on overpriced hospital equipment

“Ang kailangan siyempre bilang presidente ay bumangon agad. Hindi naman pwedeng mamaya na ‘yan, mamayang alas-singko, mamayang alas-sais. Mabilis na babangon ang presidente.”
~Sen. Grace Poe’s answer to Mayor Duterte’s question: Ano ang una mong gagawin kapag, isang gabi, ginising ka at sinabing nagkakaputukan na sa Spratlys?

“Ang hirap sa ‘yo Mar, you are a pretentious leader.”
~Mayor Duterte

“Ang isang ultrasound set na P1.3 million sa bill of particulars nang simulant ang project. Pero ang aktwal na binili n’yo, P8 million!”
~Mar Roxas on anomalous Makati City spending under Binay’s watch

Enjoy your summer break!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: TV5 Manila and State of the Nation/GMA]





MAGNANAKAW

18 03 2016

1prez

THE CANDIDATES for president will take a break after Sunday’s debate to take part in some Holy Week activities.

Overheard Part 1: Senakulo
Grace Poe: Hi guys! May nag-i-invite sa atin para gumanap sa senakulo. Game ba kayo?

Roxas: Oo naman! Ano pa bang roles ang hanap nila?

Duterte: ‘Yong magnanakaw na ipapako katabi ni Hesus. Kulang pa yata sila ng isa.

Miriam: Well, I know someone who’s perfect for the role.

Binay: Ulol!

Overheard Part 2: Magnanakaw
Binay: O, invited pala ang mga presidentiables sa senakulo. Kailangan daw nila ng taong gaganap na magnanakaw. Ngayon na ang rehearsal. As in, right now.

Duterte: Eh ba’t nandito ka pa?

Binay:

Duterte: Nagtatanong lang. Bawal?!?

Overheard Part 3: Barabbas
Binay: Miriam, sali tayo sa senakulo. Kailangan pa nila ng gaganap na Hudas at Barabbas.

Miriam: Sige, ako na ‘yong Barabbas. ‘Di ba s’ya ‘yong pipiliin ng taumbayan para palayain?

Binay: Ay! ‘Di ka nga pala pwedeng mag-Barabbas. Kasi, baka ‘pag tinanong ang taumbayan kung sino ang dapat palayain, malamang 3 percent lang ang magtaas ng kamay. Mababago ang kwento.

Miriam:

Binay: Joooooke! Bawal magalit. Baka ma-stress.

Overheard Part 4: Hesus
Binay: O guys, invited tayo sa senakulo. Naghahanap pa raw ng taong gaganap na Hesus. Siyempre, dapat may charisma at relatable sa masa.

Roxas: Tara!

Binay: SABI KO, MAY CHARISMA AT RELATABLE SA MASA!!! MAHIRAP BANG INTINDIHIN ‘YON?

Roxas:

Binay: Grabe naman ‘tong makatingin. Kung ako nga ang masabihan n’yong magnanakaw, ganun-ganun na lang! Napikon ba ako?!

Overheard Part 5: Options
Roxas: O guys, ang daming nag-i-invite sa atin for Holy Week. Kung pupunta tayo, saan kaya mas sure ang boto: senakulo o pabasa?

Binay: Visita Iglesia!

Roxas:

Binay: May sure 1 million votes ka do’n Kapatid. Ayaw mo pa?

Overheard Part 6: Stations of the Cross
Grace: Teka, taken na raw ang roles for the Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene at maging ‘yong Veronica. May role pa ba para sa akin?

Roxas: Meron. Sa Stations of the Cross.

Grace: I’ll carry my own cross?

Roxas: Hindi. Ipagpapatuloy mo ang mga nasimulan ni Hesus.

Grace:

Roxas: #medyowaley

Overheard Part 7: Extrajudicial Killing
Roxas: Uy, join tayo sa senakulo. Marami pang roles na open.

Duterte: Pwede bang ako na si Hesus?

Roxas: Naku! Mas bagay kung ikaw ang papatay kay Hesus.

Duterte:

Roxas:

Duterte: F*ck you! Pisti!
—————————————————————————————————————————
“Tradition is a fragile thing in a culture built entirely on the memories of the elders.”
~Alice Albinia, Empires of the Indus: The Story of a River

Sound Bites
“I received threats. The threat was passed through a high official from a close and valued ally-politician of the vice president. They said they are going to run after me if the vice president wins as president. Go ahead, I welcome that. I’m not scared.”
~Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales

Enjoy your weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Philstar.Com]








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