#QUARANTQuiz Day 20

Struggling to find things to do while on quarantine? Take our #QUARANTQuiz.

EMOJI QUIZ: POLITICS EDITION

Guess the local political personalities based on emojis.

HERE’S something you can do while on lockdown. Guess the local political figures based on emojis. Good luck!

1: ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’ค

2: ๐ŸฅŠ ๐Ÿ€

3: ๐Ÿ†™๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿผโ€๐ŸŽ“ ๐ŸŸค

4: ๐Ÿ’ต๐ŸŽฑ

5: ๐ŸฆŽ

6: ๐ŸŽ—๐Ÿšฌ

7: ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ””๐ŸŒ™๐Ÿฅค

8: ๐Ÿคณโค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿฝ

9: ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ‘ก๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿฅฟ๐Ÿ‘œ๐Ÿ‘ 

10: ๐Ÿง“๐Ÿปโš–๏ธ ๐Ÿ’‰โŒ

11: ๐Ÿง€

12: ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐ŸŸ๐ŸŸ๐ŸŸ๐ŸŸ๐ŸŸ

13: ๐Ÿงธ๐Ÿง๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ–•๐Ÿผ

14: ๐Ÿ‰๐Ÿ”™

15: ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿฏ

16: ๐Ÿฆ‡O๐Ÿ‘…๐ŸŒนA (super pilit!)

Bonus: ๐Ÿ ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ

ANSWER KEY: FILIPINO POLITICAL FIGURES

1: ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’ค – Rodrigo Duterte

2: ๐ŸฅŠ ๐Ÿ€ – Manny Pacquiao

3: ๐Ÿ†™๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿผโ€๐ŸŽ“ ๐ŸŸค – Isko Moreno

4: ๐Ÿ’ต ๐ŸŽฑ – Manny Villar

5: ๐ŸฆŽ – Salvador Panelo

6: ๐ŸŽ—๐Ÿšฌ – Noynoy Aquino

7: ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ””๐ŸŒ™๐Ÿฅค- Joy Belmonte (Don’t kill me! Ang tagal ko kayang binuo ‘to!)

8: ๐Ÿคณโค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿฝ – First Lady ni Duterte, selfie king, Bong Go

9: ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ‘ก๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿฅฟ๐Ÿ‘œ๐Ÿ‘  – Imelda Marcos

10: ๐Ÿง“๐Ÿปโš–๏ธ ๐Ÿ’‰โŒ – Ang lawyer na ayaw pabakuna, ang endorser ng Gluta: Persida Acosta!

11: ๐Ÿง€ – Chiz Escudero (Pwede na ‘to! Ang hirap gawin ng Escudero emoji!)

12: ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป๐ŸŸ๐ŸŸ๐ŸŸ๐ŸŸ๐ŸŸ – Congresswoman from Pangasinan, Baby Arenas

13: ๐Ÿงธ๐Ÿง๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ–•๐Ÿผ – Teddyboy ‘Fuck you!’ Locsin

14: ๐Ÿ‰๐Ÿ”™ – Pulong Duterte

15: ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿฏ – Alan Peter Cayetano (Basta! Kaldero ‘yang isang emoji.)

16: ๐Ÿฆ‡O๐Ÿ‘…๐ŸŒนA – Bato de la Rosa (Walang kokontra! Pero yeah, ibang level ang kakornihan nito!)

Bonus: ๐Ÿ ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ – House of Representatives

THANK YOU! Stay healthy and safe! I am on Twitter: @hecklerforever8

DUTERTE ON CHECKPOINTS

MENSAHE NI PANGULONG RODRIGO ROA DUTERTE

(Released on March 17, 2020, 7:00 AM)

Mga minamahal kong kababayan,

Ako po, ang inyong pangulo, ay humihingi ng paumanhin sa nangyayaring kaguluhan sa mga checkpoints ngayon.

Alam kong marami sa inyo ang pagod at gutom na at nais nang makasama ang inyong mga mahal sa buhay.

Uutusan ko ang PNP at AFP na palampasin na kayo sa checkpoints.

Sa mga laborers na kailangang magtrabaho dahil walang kakainin sa susunod na ilang linggo, umuwi na muna kayo. Huwag kayong mag-alala. Makikipag-ugnayan ako sa DOLE sa lalong madaling panahon para tutukan ang inyong sitwasyon. Kumikilos na rin ang local DSWD para mabigyan kayo ng tulong habang walang pinagkakakitaan.

Nakikiusap po ako, bumalik na kayo sa inyong mga tahanan at ‘wag na munang lumabas. Ingatan po natin ang ating kalusugan.

Muli, humihingi ako ng paumanhin sa inyong lahat. Naniniwala akong malalampasan natin ang pagsubok na ito. Mabuhay kayo! Mabuhay ang sambayanang Filipino!

Bago ako magtapos, nais ko lang ipaalam na hindi talaga ako si Rodrigo Duterte at imposibleng ganito katino at kalinaw ang kanyang ilabas na statement. China pa rin mga ulol! POGO forever! Thank you!

Malacaล„ang Palace

17 March 2020

F*CKED

I thought I saw a man with his aide
He was pale, sleeps all day, but he would still get paid

THIS POST was inspired by Hong Kong artist Kathy Mak’s coronavirus-themed parody of Natalie Imbruglia’s hit song ‘Torn.’ This one’s about the guy-who-must-not-be-named.

I thought I saw a man with his aide
He was pale, sleeps all day, but he would still get paid

He showed us what it was to fail
Well, he couldn’t be that man we voted for
He doesn’t seem to know, doesn’t seem to care
What his heart is for
Now, fewer like him anymore

There’s nothin’ there but trolls and lies
He wants all addicts to die
That’s what’s going on

Nothing’s fine, we’re f*cked
China’s now in charge
This is how we feel:
we’re scared but we will fight
POGOs, Covid, Xi Jinping

Duterte’s really changed
Into Beijing’s bitch
He’s sold us out and he can’t see
our country is now torn
It’s a little late
We’re already torn.

****

HERE’S THE IMAGE VERSION which, you can share online.

I AM on Twitter and Instagram: @HecklerForever8

MEME: LinkedIn/Facebook/Instagram/Tinder and more!

Apparently, it was Dolly Parton who started it all.

NETIZENS have been posting a four-image collage showcasing the different ways they present themselves online. This is the latest trend on social media.

Here are a few versions I created featuring some political personalities.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever8

SALE! POLITICAL FIRECRACKERS 75% OFF!

Try some of out best-sellers: Duterte Firecracker, Quiboloy Firecracker, Cayetano Firecracker, and Mocha Firecracker!
75% off until December 30!

A QUICK GUIDE to some of the more popular firecrackers being sold in the Philippines. Buy at your own risk.

โ€ข โ€ข โ€ข โ€ข โ€ข โ€ข

Here’s the text version.

Duterte Firecracker

Ito ang pinakamapaminsalang paputok sa nakalipas na tatlong taon. Mabentang-mabenta pa rin sa mga Pinoy kahit napakarami nang namatay at nasugatan. Walang nakakaalam kung kailan matatauhan ang mga consumers sa perwisyong dulot nito.

Cayetano Firecracker

Maraming Pinoy ang nagreklamong palpak daw ang paputok na ito. Nagalit ang exclusive distributor nito at nagbantang kakasuhan ang mga โ€œnaninira.โ€ Recently, tinanghal na Best Firecracker ang Cayetano firecracker. Ang nagbigay ng award ay ang mismong distributor nito.

Bonggo Firecracker

Kapag bibili ka ng Duterte Firecracker, may kasamang libreng paputok – ito ang Bonggo firecracker. Popular pero walang value kasi nga, giveaway lang.

Sotto Firecracker

Huwag mo nang sindihan ang paputok na ito kung ayaw mong masira ang araw mo. Kung anu-ano kasi ang lumalabas na sound na nakakabobo.

Leni Firecracker

Ang paputok na safe. Hindi siya gusto ng iba dahil mahina raw ang sabog. Matindi at walang tigil ang paninira rito ng ibang manufacturers para hindi tangkilikin ng consumers.

Mandarambong Firecracker

Na-ban na ito sa market pero magbabalik daw ngayong 2020 kaya maraming consumers ang nagagalit. Nananawagan silang i-boycott ang paputok na ito.

Panelo Firecracker

Makulay ang wrapper ng paputok na ito pero mabubuwisit ka lang sa nalilikha nitong sound. Takpan mo na lang ang tainga mo.

Bongbong Firecracker

Ginamit ang paputok na ito sa nakaraang Philippine International Pyromusical Competition. Hindi na-impress ang panel of judges. Natalo ang manufacturer pero dahil hindi nito matanggap ang pagkatalo, nagsampa ng protesta.

Imelda Firecracker

Maraming Filipino ang nabiktima ng paputok na ito. Noon ay nahinto na ang pagbebenta rito pero tagumpay na nakabalik at ngayon ay tinatangkilik na naman ng mga ignoranteng consumers.

Bato Firecracker

Sa start, maingay ang firecracker na ito pero habang nauubos ang sindi, may maririnig kang parang iyak sa dulo. Ito ang pumalit sa paputok na crying cow.

Cynthia Firecracker

Ang paputok na pangmayaman lang. Kung hindi nโ€™yo kayang bumili ng Cynthia Firecracker, mag-watusi na lang kayo!

De Lima Firecracker

Iniutos ng gobyerno ang pag-ban sa paputok na ito kahit walang sapat na basehan. Pati ibang bansa ay nanawagan na ng pag-lift sa ban.

Faeldon Firecracker

Ilang beses nang na-ban sa market pero ilang ulit ding ibinalik. Malakas sa gobyerno ang manufacturer nito.

Enrile Firecracker

Kapag sinindihan, hindi mamatay-matay.

Tulfo Firecracker

Gustong-gusto ito ng masa. Kahit nakakasakit na ng ibang tao, mabenta pa rin. Last year alone, kumita ng 60 million pesos ang manufacturer nito.

Persida Firecracker

Ang paputok na naghahasik ng takot sa publiko.

Mocha Firecracker

Hereโ€™s a testimonial from a buyer: โ€œAng lakas po! Grabeng lakas. Hindi naman po masyadong malakas. Sakto lang po. Parang baril na mas malakas po.โ€

Mocha Firecracker 2

โ€˜Wag nโ€™yo nang bilhin. Malamang fake โ€˜yan.

Quiboloy Firecracker

Ang pinaka-weird na paputok. Tumitigil ang pagputok nito kapag sinabihan mong, โ€œISTAHP!โ€

MMK 2021 (DEAR CYNTHIA… )

Dear Cynthia,

Sipag at tiyaga po ba talaga ang susi sa tagumpay? Ang meron lang kasi ako: ganda at lakas ng loob. Paano po โ€˜yan?!?

THE COUNTRYโ€™s richest man, former Senate president Manny Villar is reportedly interested in acquiring media giant, ABS-CBN. Rumors say Cynthia Villar looks forward to hosting the award-winning drama anthology, โ€˜Maalaala Mo Kaya.โ€™

In fact, this early, people have been sending letters to Madam Cynthia.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever8

SA LETRANG B: BONG GO!

Bong Go, whose claim to fame was to take selfies with his boss prior to being elected senator, was grilled by Senator Drilon on the Sports Commissionโ€™s budget.

Background: Last week, the Senate deliberated on the proposed 2020 budget of the Philippine Sports Commission. Sports committee head Bong Go defended the budget of the PSC. It was revealed that at least P9.5-B was spent for the construction of new sports facilities for this year’s Southeast Asian Games. When Sen. Franklin Drilon inquired about what the gov’t. plans to do with the sports facilities after the SEA Games, Go failed to give a substantive answer. (You all know what happened next!)

Here’s the text version:

Cringe-worthy videos of Bong Go being interpellated by Sen. Franklin Drilon on the budget of the Philippine Sports Commission have gone viral. If you want to see the videos, just go to YouTube and search for โ€œgrilled sapsap.โ€œ

Bong Go, whose claim to fame was to take selfies with his boss prior to being elected senator, was grilled by Senator Drilon on the PSCโ€™s budget. He couldnโ€™t give a satisfying answer to Drilonโ€™s valid questions prompting someone from the gallery to shout, โ€œSunog! Saklolo! May nasusunog!โ€

Rumors say Bong Goโ€™s Ka-DDS supporters are filing a case against Senator Drilon. They want him charged with arson.

Just so you know, Bong Go is the chairman of the Senate Committee on Games, Amusements and Sports. So far, based on his recent Senate grilling, heโ€™s been successful on the โ€œamusementsโ€ part.

After the hearing, Bong Go tried to take a selfie with his companions but he couldnโ€™t. Insiders say, โ€œWala na siyang mukhang maiharap sa camera.โ€

BREAKING:

Bong Go has officially tapped Ateneoโ€™s Tab Baldwin and USTโ€™s Aldin Ayo for future Senate hearings. He desperately needs great coaches.

I AM ON TWITTER: @HecklerForever8

THE BARRETTO SERYE AND OTHER STORIES

Atong Ang also confirmed the authenticity of a viral photo of him holding hands with Gretchen Barretto while sleeping on a plane.

To those who asked, hereโ€™s the text version:

BREAKING: TIME Magazine has officially announced its first ever choice for Domestic Partner of the Year. The vote was unanimous. Congratulations to Filipino businessman Tonyboy Cojuangco.

Businessman Charlie โ€˜Atongโ€™ Ang confirmed President Duterte tried to reconcile feuding sisters, Gretchen and Marjorie Barretto. He failed. Duterte vows to give it a second try and if he doesn’t succeed, he will resign.

Amid reports linking him to at least three Barretto women, Atong Ang claims heโ€™s a โ€œhappily married man.โ€ Imagine what would happen if heโ€™s no longer happy with his marriage.

Atong Ang also confirmed the authenticity of a viral photo of him holding hands with Gretchen Barretto while sleeping during a flight overseas. Hereโ€™s a lesser-known fact: Atong Angโ€™s wife and Tonyboy Cojuangco both hated the 2006 movie, โ€œSnakes on A Plane.โ€

Just a couple of days after its 18-minute exclusive interview with actress Marjorie Barretto, TV Patrol had another exclusive: a 13-minute interview with businessman Charlie โ€˜Atong Angโ€™ who has been romantically-linked to three Barretto women. Those interviews have fueled speculations TV Patrol is changing its title to The Buzz (TB) Patrol.

Marjorie Barretto has finally admitted she fell in love, and had an affair with former Caloocan City Mayor RECOM ECHIVERRI – giving so much hope to so many men out there.

Marjorie Barretto said her father died of

acute respiratory failure. But Gretchen Barretto insisted he died of heart attack. Watching them though, itโ€™s possible the old man died of disappointment.

In other news…

After cutting short his recent Japan visit due to โ€œunbearable pain,โ€ President Duterte went to see a neurologist to have his spinal column checked. But things got really awkward when the neurologist started talking about Duterteโ€™s policy on China and then told him, โ€œMr. President, I have nothing to check since you donโ€™t have spine.โ€

President Duterte went to see a neurologist to have his spinal column checked. MalacaูŒang says he needs to stay healthy to continue serving the country. Heโ€™ll do an even greater service to Filipinos if would have his brain examined too.

President Duterte has a new chief justice in the Supreme Court. He appointed Associate Justice Diosdado Peralta of Ilocos Norte to the post replacing Lucas Bersamin. Shortly after the appointment was announced, the Marcoses threw a victory party.

With Peralta as Chief Justice, Duterte spokesman Salvador Panelo expects the judiciary to uphold the principles of “integrity” and “independence.”

Of course, that was just another classic Panelo joke.

The Philippine Star reported that processed meat products of Mekeni Food Corporation such as hotdogs, longganisa and tocino tested positive for African swine fever or ASF. Health officials say ASF is not a risk on human health. But it definitely poses a risk on Mekeniโ€™s business.

Health experts have previously issued a statement saying African swine fever only affects members of the pig family. That probably explains why congressmen are so worried.

New Zealand-based Filipino marine geophysicist, Jenny Anne Barretto and two others have reportedly discovered the existence of what could possibly be the largest caldera in the word. A caldera is a large crater formed when a volcano erupts and collapses. No, this post is not about President Duterte.

With a diameter of 150 kilometers, the Apolaki Caldera, which was discovered within the Benham Rise, is larger than Americaโ€™s Yellowstone. What a discovery! What an achievement! To know that a Barretto was part of the team that discovered the caldera is an even bigger achievement.

โ€ขโ€ขโ€ข

I’m on Twitter: @HecklerForever8

Exclusive: UPCAT ESSAY QUESTIONS LEAKED

Tatlong hayop na ang nag-interrupt sa speech ni Duterte: ipis, langaw, at tuko. Batay sa physical appearance niya ngayon, anong hayop ang sunod na lalapit sa kanya?

Here are the leaked UPCAT essay questions. Good luck examinees!

——-

i’m on twitter and IG: @hecklerforever8