Struggling to find things to do while on quarantine? Take our #QUARANTQuiz.
Guess the local political personalities based on emojis.
HERE’S something you can do while on lockdown. Guess the local political figures based on emojis. Good luck!
2: 🥊 🏀
3: 🆙👨🏼🎓 🟤
10: 🧓🏻⚖️ 💉❌
16: 🦇O👅🌹A (super pilit!)
ANSWER KEY: FILIPINO POLITICAL FIGURES
1: 🤬👊🏼💤 – Rodrigo Duterte
2: 🥊 🏀 – Manny Pacquiao
3: 🆙👨🏼🎓 🟤 – Isko Moreno
4: 💵 🎱 – Manny Villar
5: 🦎 – Salvador Panelo
6: 🎗🚬 – Noynoy Aquino
7: 😁🔔🌙🥤- Joy Belmonte (Don’t kill me! Ang tagal ko kayang binuo ‘to!)
8: 🤳❤️👊🏽 – First Lady ni Duterte, selfie king, Bong Go
9: 👠💰👡💎🥿👜👠 – Imelda Marcos
10: 🧓🏻⚖️ 💉❌ – Ang lawyer na ayaw pabakuna, ang endorser ng Gluta: Persida Acosta!
11: 🧀 – Chiz Escudero (Pwede na ‘to! Ang hirap gawin ng Escudero emoji!)
12: 👶🏻🏟🏟🏟🏟🏟 – Congresswoman from Pangasinan, Baby Arenas
13: 🧸🧍🏼♂️🖕🏼 – Teddyboy ‘Fuck you!’ Locsin
14: 🐉🔙 – Pulong Duterte
15: 🇸🇬🍯 – Alan Peter Cayetano (Basta! Kaldero ‘yang isang emoji.)
16: 🦇O👅🌹A – Bato de la Rosa (Walang kokontra! Pero yeah, ibang level ang kakornihan nito!)
Bonus: 🏠🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 – House of Representatives
THANK YOU! Stay healthy and safe! I am on Twitter: @hecklerforever8
MENSAHE NI PANGULONG RODRIGO ROA DUTERTE
(Released on March 17, 2020, 7:00 AM)
Mga minamahal kong kababayan,
Ako po, ang inyong pangulo, ay humihingi ng paumanhin sa nangyayaring kaguluhan sa mga checkpoints ngayon.
Alam kong marami sa inyo ang pagod at gutom na at nais nang makasama ang inyong mga mahal sa buhay.
Uutusan ko ang PNP at AFP na palampasin na kayo sa checkpoints.
Sa mga laborers na kailangang magtrabaho dahil walang kakainin sa susunod na ilang linggo, umuwi na muna kayo. Huwag kayong mag-alala. Makikipag-ugnayan ako sa DOLE sa lalong madaling panahon para tutukan ang inyong sitwasyon. Kumikilos na rin ang local DSWD para mabigyan kayo ng tulong habang walang pinagkakakitaan.
Nakikiusap po ako, bumalik na kayo sa inyong mga tahanan at ‘wag na munang lumabas. Ingatan po natin ang ating kalusugan.
Muli, humihingi ako ng paumanhin sa inyong lahat. Naniniwala akong malalampasan natin ang pagsubok na ito. Mabuhay kayo! Mabuhay ang sambayanang Filipino!
Bago ako magtapos, nais ko lang ipaalam na hindi talaga ako si Rodrigo Duterte at imposibleng ganito katino at kalinaw ang kanyang ilabas na statement. China pa rin mga ulol! POGO forever! Thank you!
17 March 2020
I thought I saw a man with his aide
He was pale, sleeps all day, but he would still get paid
THIS POST was inspired by Hong Kong artist Kathy Mak’s coronavirus-themed parody of Natalie Imbruglia’s hit song ‘Torn.’ This one’s about the guy-who-must-not-be-named.
I thought I saw a man with his aide
He was pale, sleeps all day, but he would still get paid
He showed us what it was to fail
Well, he couldn’t be that man we voted for
He doesn’t seem to know, doesn’t seem to care
What his heart is for
Now, fewer like him anymore
There’s nothin’ there but trolls and lies
He wants all addicts to die
That’s what’s going on
Nothing’s fine, we’re f*cked
China’s now in charge
This is how we feel:
we’re scared but we will fight
POGOs, Covid, Xi Jinping
Duterte’s really changed
Into Beijing’s bitch
He’s sold us out and he can’t see
our country is now torn
It’s a little late
We’re already torn.
HERE’S THE IMAGE VERSION which, you can share online.
I AM on Twitter and Instagram: @HecklerForever8
Apparently, it was Dolly Parton who started it all.
NETIZENS have been posting a four-image collage showcasing the different ways they present themselves online. This is the latest trend on social media.
Here are a few versions I created featuring some political personalities.
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever8
Try some of out best-sellers: Duterte Firecracker, Quiboloy Firecracker, Cayetano Firecracker, and Mocha Firecracker!
75% off until December 30!
A QUICK GUIDE to some of the more popular firecrackers being sold in the Philippines. Buy at your own risk.
• • • • • •
Here’s the text version.
Ito ang pinakamapaminsalang paputok sa nakalipas na tatlong taon. Mabentang-mabenta pa rin sa mga Pinoy kahit napakarami nang namatay at nasugatan. Walang nakakaalam kung kailan matatauhan ang mga consumers sa perwisyong dulot nito.
Maraming Pinoy ang nagreklamong palpak daw ang paputok na ito. Nagalit ang exclusive distributor nito at nagbantang kakasuhan ang mga “naninira.” Recently, tinanghal na Best Firecracker ang Cayetano firecracker. Ang nagbigay ng award ay ang mismong distributor nito.
Kapag bibili ka ng Duterte Firecracker, may kasamang libreng paputok – ito ang Bonggo firecracker. Popular pero walang value kasi nga, giveaway lang.
Huwag mo nang sindihan ang paputok na ito kung ayaw mong masira ang araw mo. Kung anu-ano kasi ang lumalabas na sound na nakakabobo.
Ang paputok na safe. Hindi siya gusto ng iba dahil mahina raw ang sabog. Matindi at walang tigil ang paninira rito ng ibang manufacturers para hindi tangkilikin ng consumers.
Na-ban na ito sa market pero magbabalik daw ngayong 2020 kaya maraming consumers ang nagagalit. Nananawagan silang i-boycott ang paputok na ito.
Makulay ang wrapper ng paputok na ito pero mabubuwisit ka lang sa nalilikha nitong sound. Takpan mo na lang ang tainga mo.
Ginamit ang paputok na ito sa nakaraang Philippine International Pyromusical Competition. Hindi na-impress ang panel of judges. Natalo ang manufacturer pero dahil hindi nito matanggap ang pagkatalo, nagsampa ng protesta.
Maraming Filipino ang nabiktima ng paputok na ito. Noon ay nahinto na ang pagbebenta rito pero tagumpay na nakabalik at ngayon ay tinatangkilik na naman ng mga ignoranteng consumers.
Sa start, maingay ang firecracker na ito pero habang nauubos ang sindi, may maririnig kang parang iyak sa dulo. Ito ang pumalit sa paputok na crying cow.
Ang paputok na pangmayaman lang. Kung hindi n’yo kayang bumili ng Cynthia Firecracker, mag-watusi na lang kayo!
De Lima Firecracker
Iniutos ng gobyerno ang pag-ban sa paputok na ito kahit walang sapat na basehan. Pati ibang bansa ay nanawagan na ng pag-lift sa ban.
Ilang beses nang na-ban sa market pero ilang ulit ding ibinalik. Malakas sa gobyerno ang manufacturer nito.
Kapag sinindihan, hindi mamatay-matay.
Gustong-gusto ito ng masa. Kahit nakakasakit na ng ibang tao, mabenta pa rin. Last year alone, kumita ng 60 million pesos ang manufacturer nito.
Ang paputok na naghahasik ng takot sa publiko.
Here’s a testimonial from a buyer: “Ang lakas po! Grabeng lakas. Hindi naman po masyadong malakas. Sakto lang po. Parang baril na mas malakas po.”
Mocha Firecracker 2
‘Wag n’yo nang bilhin. Malamang fake ‘yan.
Ang pinaka-weird na paputok. Tumitigil ang pagputok nito kapag sinabihan mong, “ISTAHP!”
Sipag at tiyaga po ba talaga ang susi sa tagumpay? Ang meron lang kasi ako: ganda at lakas ng loob. Paano po ‘yan?!?
THE COUNTRY’s richest man, former Senate president Manny Villar is reportedly interested in acquiring media giant, ABS-CBN. Rumors say Cynthia Villar looks forward to hosting the award-winning drama anthology, ‘Maalaala Mo Kaya.’
In fact, this early, people have been sending letters to Madam Cynthia.
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever8
Bong Go, whose claim to fame was to take selfies with his boss prior to being elected senator, was grilled by Senator Drilon on the Sports Commission’s budget.
Background: Last week, the Senate deliberated on the proposed 2020 budget of the Philippine Sports Commission. Sports committee head Bong Go defended the budget of the PSC. It was revealed that at least P9.5-B was spent for the construction of new sports facilities for this year’s Southeast Asian Games. When Sen. Franklin Drilon inquired about what the gov’t. plans to do with the sports facilities after the SEA Games, Go failed to give a substantive answer. (You all know what happened next!)
Here’s the text version:
Cringe-worthy videos of Bong Go being interpellated by Sen. Franklin Drilon on the budget of the Philippine Sports Commission have gone viral. If you want to see the videos, just go to YouTube and search for “grilled sapsap.“
Bong Go, whose claim to fame was to take selfies with his boss prior to being elected senator, was grilled by Senator Drilon on the PSC’s budget. He couldn’t give a satisfying answer to Drilon’s valid questions prompting someone from the gallery to shout, “Sunog! Saklolo! May nasusunog!”
Rumors say Bong Go’s Ka-DDS supporters are filing a case against Senator Drilon. They want him charged with arson.
Just so you know, Bong Go is the chairman of the Senate Committee on Games, Amusements and Sports. So far, based on his recent Senate grilling, he’s been successful on the “amusements” part.
After the hearing, Bong Go tried to take a selfie with his companions but he couldn’t. Insiders say, “Wala na siyang mukhang maiharap sa camera.”
Bong Go has officially tapped Ateneo’s Tab Baldwin and UST’s Aldin Ayo for future Senate hearings. He desperately needs great coaches.
I AM ON TWITTER: @HecklerForever8
Atong Ang also confirmed the authenticity of a viral photo of him holding hands with Gretchen Barretto while sleeping on a plane.
To those who asked, here’s the text version:
BREAKING: TIME Magazine has officially announced its first ever choice for Domestic Partner of the Year. The vote was unanimous. Congratulations to Filipino businessman Tonyboy Cojuangco.
Businessman Charlie ‘Atong’ Ang confirmed President Duterte tried to reconcile feuding sisters, Gretchen and Marjorie Barretto. He failed. Duterte vows to give it a second try and if he doesn’t succeed, he will resign.
Amid reports linking him to at least three Barretto women, Atong Ang claims he’s a “happily married man.” Imagine what would happen if he’s no longer happy with his marriage.
Atong Ang also confirmed the authenticity of a viral photo of him holding hands with Gretchen Barretto while sleeping during a flight overseas. Here’s a lesser-known fact: Atong Ang’s wife and Tonyboy Cojuangco both hated the 2006 movie, “Snakes on A Plane.”
Just a couple of days after its 18-minute exclusive interview with actress Marjorie Barretto, TV Patrol had another exclusive: a 13-minute interview with businessman Charlie ‘Atong Ang’ who has been romantically-linked to three Barretto women. Those interviews have fueled speculations TV Patrol is changing its title to The Buzz (TB) Patrol.
Marjorie Barretto has finally admitted she fell in love, and had an affair with former Caloocan City Mayor RECOM ECHIVERRI – giving so much hope to so many men out there.
Marjorie Barretto said her father died of
acute respiratory failure. But Gretchen Barretto insisted he died of heart attack. Watching them though, it’s possible the old man died of disappointment.
In other news…
After cutting short his recent Japan visit due to “unbearable pain,” President Duterte went to see a neurologist to have his spinal column checked. But things got really awkward when the neurologist started talking about Duterte’s policy on China and then told him, “Mr. President, I have nothing to check since you don’t have spine.”
President Duterte went to see a neurologist to have his spinal column checked. Malacaٌang says he needs to stay healthy to continue serving the country. He’ll do an even greater service to Filipinos if would have his brain examined too.
President Duterte has a new chief justice in the Supreme Court. He appointed Associate Justice Diosdado Peralta of Ilocos Norte to the post replacing Lucas Bersamin. Shortly after the appointment was announced, the Marcoses threw a victory party.
With Peralta as Chief Justice, Duterte spokesman Salvador Panelo expects the judiciary to uphold the principles of “integrity” and “independence.”
Of course, that was just another classic Panelo joke.
The Philippine Star reported that processed meat products of Mekeni Food Corporation such as hotdogs, longganisa and tocino tested positive for African swine fever or ASF. Health officials say ASF is not a risk on human health. But it definitely poses a risk on Mekeni’s business.
Health experts have previously issued a statement saying African swine fever only affects members of the pig family. That probably explains why congressmen are so worried.
New Zealand-based Filipino marine geophysicist, Jenny Anne Barretto and two others have reportedly discovered the existence of what could possibly be the largest caldera in the word. A caldera is a large crater formed when a volcano erupts and collapses. No, this post is not about President Duterte.
With a diameter of 150 kilometers, the Apolaki Caldera, which was discovered within the Benham Rise, is larger than America’s Yellowstone. What a discovery! What an achievement! To know that a Barretto was part of the team that discovered the caldera is an even bigger achievement.
I’m on Twitter: @HecklerForever8
Tatlong hayop na ang nag-interrupt sa speech ni Duterte: ipis, langaw, at tuko. Batay sa physical appearance niya ngayon, anong hayop ang sunod na lalapit sa kanya?
Here are the leaked UPCAT essay questions. Good luck examinees!
i’m on twitter and IG: @hecklerforever8