13 08 2018

A_1Shabu Filters-Rappler
A TON of shabu worth about 7 billion pesos was recently smuggled into the Philippines from Taiwan and China. Authorities couldn’t believe the boldness of the smugglers. The smugglers couldn’t believe the friendliness of this government.

The news came out last week but President Duterte has yet to speak about, much less, against the multibillion-peso shabu shipment. That’s natural though when you don’t want to offend friends.

Empty magnetic lifters which contained hundreds of kilos of shabu were traced in a warehouse in Cavite. Caviteños are hereby encouraged to ignore any advice that will come from Vice Gov. Jolo Revilla.

The Presidential Anti-Corruption Commission is investigating reports Customs people had conspired with the smugglers of the P7-B drug shipment. The PACC will not rush to judgment though. It vows to exercise fairness and follow this government’s procedure in handling corrupt officials: 1: Investigate 2: File a case 3: Dismiss case 4: Reappoint.

Amid the latest calamity to hit the metro, the hashtag #NasaanSiDuterte trended on Twitter on Sunday. Netizens have been asking about President Duterte’s whereabouts. Since Thursday, not much has been heard from him – which is probably the best thing that ever happened in recent weeks.

1MarikinaABSCBN News.jpg

Q: What do President Duterte and the 7-billion-peso shabu shipment have in common?
A: Both are missing.

Finance Chief Carlos Dominguez III and Socioeconomic Planning Secretary Ernesto Pernia have both spoken against the proposed shift to the federal system of government. Dominguez and Pernia are both economic managers. They are both trusted men of Duterte. And both are gonna be jobless soon (probably).

Palace spokesman Harry Roque was quoted to have said, “I think there’s a 100 percent agreement that we’re (Cabinet) pushing for federalism.” Now that’s a shocker. Harry Roque “thinks?!”

Fake News
Someone hacked into the official Facebook page of Cambodian Prime Minister Hun Sen and posted fake information. Poor hackers! In the Philippines, people are even paid to post fake information on, about and for the President.

Social Media
A neuroscientist says social media is making people behave like three-year-olds. Duterte is not into social media. So, how do you explain his behavior?

Duterte Update:
It took a while before he reacted to the #NasaanSiDuterte question but Epal King, Bong Go told the media the President was “monitoring” the situation from Davao and Malacañang. “No worries. We’re fine,” replied the smugglers of the P7-B shabu shipment.
“People are dying because of ignorance. They are dying because unremitting propaganda is denying them essential safety information. They are dying because the first casualty of war is truth, and the war on drugs is no different.”
~Dominic Milton Trott

Sound Bites
From forensic pathologist Raquel Fortun (Twitter):


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Shabu Filters: Ben Nabong/Rappler; Fernando G. Sepe Jr., ABS-CBN News]



6 08 2018

This piece first appeared in the Opinion Section of the Philippine Daily Inquirer on August 5, 2018

EARLIER this week, a number of senators took the voluntary drug test at the Senate. Unconfirmed results showed many of them were working under the influence… of Duterte.

* * * * * * *

Controversial Communications Assistant Secretary Mocha Uson has been tapped by President Duterte’s Charter Change committee to lecture Filipinos about federalism. Members of that committee should undergo a drug test.

* * * * * * *

Mocha Uson has been cast in a film starring Hollywood actor and Trump supporter, Stephen Baldwin. In the movie, Uson will play the role of an honest and competent reporter – making the film the most highly-anticipated comedy of the year.

The film’s producer says Uson will be “doing what she does best – reporting.” So it’s not just a comedy. It’s a fiction within a fiction.

Titled ‘Kaibigan,’ the film features Baldwin as a father trying to guide his son towards the right path. The son eventually became a city vice mayor who got involved in drug smuggling. Sorry, that’s a different movie.

Controversial former Tourism Promotions Board chief Cesar Montano will be directing the film. To ensure a hassle-free production, Montano will be supervised by Hollywood producers, industry veterans, and an internal auditor.

* * * * * * *

Ben Tulfo’s lawyer Ferdinand Topacio says returning the P60-M his client earned from the Tourism Department’s ad placements is “a matter between Tulfo and his conscience.” In the interest of fairness, we tried to get the side of the conscience but we couldn’t locate it.

* * * * * * *

There was a rumored assassination plot against President Duterte recently. As Filipinos, we should all be concerned about his safety. After all, he is the president of this country. We want him to be in perfect shape when he stands before the International Criminal Court.

* * * * * * *

Presidential Assistant Bong Go insists the President is in “tiptop condition” amid rumors he is sick. Many people thought something was wrong with Duterte during his third State of the Nation Address because he didn’t utter any cuss words.

* * * * * * *

Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has just become the fourth highest official in the land. She is now also the second most powerful woman in the country after Sara Duterte.

Sen. Panfilo Lacson has warned that House Speaker Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo may be eyeing the post of prime minister. GMA has denied it. Among many other things.

* * * * * * *

Reports say not a single senator is willing to defend the passage of the second package of the Tax Reform for Acceleration and Inclusion (TRAIN) law. Many lawmakers are wary about the tax measure’s effects on gas prices, inflation, and their bid for reelection.

* * * * * * *

The Court of Appeals has affirmed a Securities and Exchange Commission ruling that Rappler is not 100 percent Filipino-owned and controlled. A social news network, Rappler has been critical of Rodrigo Duterte, the Philippine president who is suspected to be 100 percent Chinese-owned and controlled.

* * * * * * *

Senate President Vicente Sotto III revealed President Duterte once called and threatened a rice trader for alleged hoarding. Sotto said the President even asked the unidentified person on the line where he lived. Rumors say Duterte did the same thing to the suspected smuggler of the P6.4B shabu shipment. He called and threatened him. He didn’t have to ask where he lived though.

* * * * * * *

Ozamis City Councilor Ricardo Parojinog, brother of slain Ozamiz City Mayor Reynaldo Parojinog Sr., a suspected drug lord, has been repatriated from Taiwan. He is now in police custody in Camp Crame and will probably remain there until his ‘nanlaban’ schedule.

* * * * * * *

Russian scientists have revived tiny worms frozen for 42,000 years in Siberian permafrost. The news made former Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile nostalgic because he used to play with those worms when he was a kid.
“To be of good quality, you have to excuse yourself from the presence of shallow and callow minded individuals.”
~Michael Bassey Johnson

Sound Bites
“I-pepe, I-dede, I-pepederalismo!”
~Mocha Uson in a viral pro-federalism campaign video

And you thought it can’t get any lower.

My temporary Twitter account: @hecklerforever8


19 07 2018

State of the Nation Address
Rodrigo R. Duterte
President of the Philippines

[To be delivered at the Session Hall of the House of Representatives,
Batasang Pambansa Complex, Quezon City on July 23, 2018]

SPEAKER PANTALEON Alvarez, Senate President Vicente ‘Tito’ Sotto III, Vice Presi… Sandali, akalain mo ‘yun. Dati pinanood ko lang si Tito sa Eat Bulaga. Ngayon, presidente na ng Senado. Pati ako nabulaga. Hehehe Congratulations! (Applause)

Vice President Leni Robredo, Uy! Nandiyan ka pa rin ma’am? Yawa. Chief Justice Maria… wala na nga pala tayong Chief Justice. Congratulations! (Applause) Former presidents Fidel V. Ramos, Joseph Ejercito Estrada, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and Benig… absent nga pala si gago. ‘T*ng i*a, kung ayaw mong magpakita, eh ‘di wag!

Members of the House of Representatives and the Senate; distinguished members of the diplomatic corps; the delegation from Beijing; fellow workers in government; mga minamahal kong kababayan…

I will resign!


Sabi ko, I will resign!

(Whispers, murmurs)

Kinabahan kayo ‘no? ‘Kita ko ‘yung mukha ni Harry Roque, biglang nanlaki ang mata. Sabi siguro, “’Tang i*a, saan ako pupulutin ‘pag nawala si Duterte?!” Hehehe Of course, I was just joking. Ba’t ako magre-resign eh nasa puwesto pa ‘yung incompetent? Ano ako, tanga? I will NOT resign. (Applause/Standing ovation)

* * * * * *

As I have promised, hindi lalampas ng 35 minutes ang aking speech. Paninindigan ko ‘to. Kahit man lang ‘yan, matupad ko. (Canned Laughter/Applause)

* * * * * *

Gusto ko munang batiin ang mga nanonood sa China. Live tayo ngayon sa China Central Television. Nǐ hǎo! Bǎohù wǒ. Wǒ shì nǐ de púrén! Ko sing gaw lu, ta singkwen baw sa! Xièxiè! ‘Tang i*a, ano kaya ‘yung sinabi ko? Sino bang sumulat nito? Bahala na. Google n’yo na lang.

* * * * * *

Mula nang maupo ako sa pwesto at simulan ang war on drugs, wala na akong narinig kundi puro reklamo. Winawasak ko raw ang pamilyang Filipino. Walang katotohanan ‘yan. Sa aking administrasyon, lalo pa ngang naging close ang magkakapamilya. Kitang-kita ang pagsusumikap at pagtutulungan nila upang umasenso. ‘Wag na tayong lumayo pa. Kasama natin ngayong hapon sa gallery ang pamilya Tulfo. Palakpakan natin sila. (Applause)

* * * * * *

Napakalaki ng nabawas sa red tape sa gobyerno. Dahil na rin ito sa masisipag nating empleyado. Walang break-break kahit lunch. Wala ring merye-meryenda. Umulan man o umaraw, tuloy ang serbisyo. Multitasking pa nga ang iba. Tingnan n’yo si former DOT secretary Wanda Tulfo-Teo, sabi ng COA, nagtatrabaho na, nagsha-shopping pa! Mabuhay ka! (Applause)

* * * * * *

Ayon sa mga gagong Dilaw, malayo raw ang performance ko sa mga nagawa ni Noynoy Aquino. P*tang i*a, napikon ako. Kaya ayun, ginaya ko! Tinanggal niya si Corona, tinanggal ko si Sereno! It’s a tie! (Applause)

* * * * * *

Isa pang nakakabuwisit ‘yang mga nagsasabing galit daw ako sa mahihirap. Wala silang bukambibig kundi “Anti-poor si Duterte! Mahihirap ang pinapatay ni Duterte!” Nang sumunod na Lunes, pinatay ‘yung Mayor Halili. Binatikos pa rin si Duterte! ‘T*ng i*a! Ginawa ko na ngang lahat ‘di ba? Mahirap, mayaman, itinumba! Kulang pa ba?

* * * * * *

Masakit mapagbintangang mamamatay-tao. May nagsasabing pinapatay daw ng mga pulis ang nahuhuling drug suspects. ‘T*ng i*a! Kasinungalingan ‘yan! Ang binabaril lang ng masisipag nating pulis ay ‘yung mga nanlalaban. Tingnan n’yo sina Kerwin Espinosa at si kumpareng Peter Lim, never na lumaban. Kaya ‘yun, pinalaya ni Aguirre at ‘di na kinasuhan! (Applause)

* * * * * *

Personal sa akin ang paglaban sa ilegal na droga. Kumukulo talaga ang dugo ko ‘pag nakakakita ng biktima ng drug addicts. Mga hayup! Kaya sa nagpasok ng 6.4 bilyong pisong shabu last year, I don’t know who you are but I will find you and I will kill you! (Applause)

(Message alert tone)

Sandali, may nag-text, “Papa, nag-sorry na ako ‘di ba? Pasaylua na ko please.”

Na-wrong send yata. ‘Tuloy ko na ang speech ko.

Sa’n na ba ako? Nawala ako ah.

* * * * * *

Napakataas na raw ng presyo ng petrolyo sa bansa. Fake news ‘yan! Kung mahal ang petrolyo sa Pilipinas, bakit ‘yung mga eroplano ng China, sa Davao pa nagpapa-gas? (Applause)

* * * * * *

Sanga pala… sa Sabado, balak kong pumunta sa West Philippine Sea kasama si Willie Revillame. (Canned laughter) O, ba’t natawa kayo? Akala n’yo joke lang? Totoo! Nag-volunteer si Kuya Wil. Magpapalaro s’ya ng hephep hooray sa Chinese Coast Guard as an act of goodwill. ‘Tapos tuwing may mananalo, sisigaw siya. Alam n’yo ba kung ano ang isisigaw niya?


Bigyan ng isla ‘yan!


Mga gago. Joke ‘yun. Tumawa kayo!

(Canned laughter)

* * * * * *

Sinisisi ng marami ang TRAIN Law sa pagtaas ng presyo ng mga bilihin. Apektado na raw ang mahihirap. So gusto nila, i-suspend ko ang TRAIN Law. Kalokohan! Ganito lang ‘yan. Kung konti lang ang pera ng mahihirap na ‘yan, ibibili na lang nila ito ng bigas, asukal, o mantika. Hindi na sila makabili ng droga. In short, dahil sa TRAIN Law, mababawasan ang mga adik. Palakpakan natin ang TRAIN Law! (Applause)

* * * * * *

Ang sa akin lang, we need the money from the TRAIN Law for our Build, Build, Build program. Pambayad natin ‘yan sa China. Now, kung nagugutom ka dahil mahal ang bilihin, eh ‘di mag-pray ka. Walang impossible with god di ba? Punta ka sa church. Luhod ka. Hingi ka ng help sa imong god. Kung gutom ka pa rin after magsimba, stupid ang god mo. Lipat ka na lang sa Iglesia ni Rodrigo. (Canned laughter)

* * * * * *

Sabi ng SWS, 10.9 million daw ang walang trabahong Filipino noong 1st quarter ng 2018. Of course, luma na ang survey na ‘yan. Hoy Mahar Mangahas, i-update mo na ang figures mo bai! Malaki na ang nabawas d’yan kasi ipinadampot ko na ang mga tambay. (Applause)

* * * * * *

Batiin ko rin pala ang napakaraming OFWs na walang sawang sumusuporta sa akin. Ang daming comments sa Facebook: Watching from Dubai, watching from Italy, watching from Jeddah, watching from Taiwan, watching from Wakanda, watching from Qatar. Tuwang-tuwa ang mga gago kasi ang taas ng dollar. Pag-uwi, Duty Free. Bili ng Toblerone, Cadbury. ‘Yung kababayan nila sa Pilipinas, na-bury na kasi namatay sa gutom. Pisti. (Canned laughter) Uy, joke lang ‘yun huh. What I mean is, kung mataas ang dollar at mababa ang piso, ‘wag agad negative. Mag-benefit man d’yan ang mga OFW. (Applause)

* * * * * *

Pagdating naman sa kapaligiran, hindi ko rin naman kayo binigo. In fact, nitong nakaraang taon, naging aktibo ako sa 3Rs: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Ang mga sinibak ko sa gobyerno, ibinalik at inilipat ko sa ibang puwesto! (Applause)

* * * * * *

Baka sabihin n’yo, puro problema na lang itong si Duterte. Ulol ka ‘pag inisip mo ‘yun. Sa mga Dilawan at Ka-DDS d’yan, mag-focus na lang tayo sa positive things sa ating paligid. Nandiyan ang mababait nating fishermen sa West Philippine Sea. Kita n’yo naman… iluluto na lang ang mga huli, ipinamigay pa sa friends nilang Chinese. Talk about hospitality. Palakpakan natin sila. (Applause)

Nandito ba si Martin Andanar? Saang banda nakaupo?

*Spots Martin Andanar*

Ah, d’yan ka pala sa taas. Anyway, nandito ngayon ang mga tauhan ni Martin Andanar ng Communications Office who are very creative. Ang DOLE logo naging pinya ‘tapos ang Norway, naging Norwegia. Palakpakan din natin sila. (Applause)

Sa mga nagagalit kay Mocha, alam kong naiinggit lang kayo dahil very talented na babae ‘yan. Si Mocha lang ang nakapaglipat ng Mayon Volcano mula Albay papuntang Naga. Mabuhay ka Mocha! (Applause)

Baka sabihin naman ni Atty. Persida ‘Face to Face’ Rueda-Acosta, kinalimutan ko na siya. Never. Nakaka-inspire ang buhay ni Ma’am Persida. Dalawang beses s‘yang bumagsak sa bar exams noon. ‘Tapos ngayon, doktor na siya! Mabuhay ang Dengvaxia! (Applause)

And of course, narito rin ngayon ang pride nating lahat: lumalaban hindi lang para sa bayan kundi para sa BIR, ang WBA regular welterweight champion of the world, si Sen. Manny Pacquiao. Idol, kung tatakbo kang pangulo sa 2022, suportado kita. Ang tanong na lang: may eleksyon pa ba? Congrats Pacman! (Applause)

And finally, personal akong mag-thank you kay House Speaker Alvarez kasi wala man siyang takot mam-blackmail mag-persuade ng mga kasamahan niyang hindi supportive sa ChaCha. Tama ‘yang ginagawa mo! Ang kongresistang ayaw sa federalismo, huwag bigyan ng pondo!

So ang tanong ko, sino sa inyo ang ayaw sa federalismo? Taas ang kamay.


Congratulations! Palakpakan natin si House Speaker! Salamat kaayo dong! (Applause)

* * * * * *

Sanga pala, baka nagtataka kayo kung bakit wala dito ngayon si Sec. Ernesto Pernia ng NEDA. Last week, sabi niya, federalism would wreak havoc in the economy. Gago. Ayun, nagpaalam kahapon, may sumasakit daw sa likod niya kaya nag-resign na. ‘Buti naman.

* * * * * *

Mga kababayan, dalawang taon na ako sa puwesto. Marami pa akong plano para sa sambayanang Filipino. Sira-ulo ang nagsasabing walang vision o master plan ang gobyerno. For your information, advanced mag-isip ang mga tao ko. Tingnan n’yo si Bong Go: Nangangampanya na kahit ‘di pa kandidato. Palakpakan natin siya! (Applause)

* * * * * *

Thirty-five minutes na yata ako dito. Baka mabuang na kayo. Pasalamat na muna ako sa direktor natin, si Joyce Bernal. Nag-promise siya sa akin kahapon na gawin niya akong kamukha ni John Lloyd Cruz. (Canned laughter) Pero ayaw pala ni Baste kay JLC. So sabi ko, sige, Piolo Pascual na lang. Ang kumontra, ipatumba ko. So, tanungin ko kayo: Kamukha ko na ba si Piolo?


“Leadership by deception isn’t leadership. It’s fraud.”
~Dr. DaShanne Stokes

Sound Bites
“Expenditure will be immense if we go to federalism, and we estimate that the fiscal deficit to the GDP ratio can easily jump to maybe 6 percent or more, and that’s really going to wreak havoc in terms of our fiscal situation. We are now moving to connect the…lagging regions into the mainstream economy and that momentum of infrastructure improvement in the regions is going to be disrupted.”
~Socioeconomic Planning Sec. Ernesto Pernia

Listen to the expert.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Duterte: Aaron Favila, AP]


15 07 2018

MANNY PACQUIAO is the new WBA regular welterweight champion! Congratulations to Manny Pacquiao – the boxer. There’s probably ‘zero crime rate’ again in the Philippines on fight day. The killings will resume Monday.

Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte watched the Pacquiao-Matthysse bout in Kuala Lumpur. When he came face to face with the two boxers, he told Matthysse, “You lost!” Then, he told Pacquiao, “Yuan!”

In a post-fight interview, President Duterte says he’d rather see Manny Pacquiao retire soon. Specifically, he believes Manny can retire in 3 to 6 months.

Filipino boxing great Manny Pacquiao won against Argentine pug Lucas Matthysse in Kuala Lumpur. As expected, sponsorship logos were printed on Pacquiao’s boxing trunks. There’s Ricoa, GCOX, Motolite, and a couple more. Much to the surprise of many Filipinos, there was no #BongGoTayo.

It was the 60th career win for Manny Pacquiao. Addressing the ecstatic crowd, Pacquiao said, “Thank God for this victory.” God was quick to deny though He had a hand in the victory.

Tito Sotto was also at ringside in Kuala Lumpur. After watching Pacquiao cruise to victory, Sotto tweeted, “I thought I was watching Manny 10 years ago. Mabuhay ka Sen and Champion Manny Pacquiao.” There’s no truth to rumors though that Sotto made a promise to Pacquiao he’ll have Inquirer articles linking him to starlets taken down.

The Tulfo siblings lauded the victory of Manny Pacquiao. After the fight, the Tulfos gave him a standing ovation and 60 million rounds of applause.

Some netizens say the victory will help boost Manny Pacquiao’s chances of winning a higher post in the 2022 elections. To which, House Speaker Alvarez said, “What elections?’

CompuBox scores showed Manny Pacquiao landed 44 percent of his power punches while Lucas Matthysse landed just 28 percent. To give you an idea of how bad Matthysse performed, even some Gilas Pilipinas members landed more punches than him.
“The height of your accomplishments is determined by the depth of your convictions.”
~ William F. Scolavino

Check out my article in the Philippine Daily Inquirer. Here’s the link.


Thank you!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Pacquiao: AFP/Getty Images; Cabinet: @virgillopez/PCOO]


23 06 2018


Cop: Sumama kayo sa amin sa presinto!

Guy: At bakit kami sasama?

Cop: Nakatambay lang kayo!

Guy: Excuse me?!

Cop: Sabi ko mga tambay kayo! Wala kayong ginagawa!

Guy: Magdahan-dahan ka sa pananalita mo mamang pulis! Baka nakakalimutan mong nandito ka sa Presidential Communications Operations Office!

Cop: Kaya nga.

* * * * *

Cop: Pagdadamputin ang mga ‘yan!

Guy: Anong kasalanan namin?

Cop: Tambay kayo! Walang pakinabang sa inyo ang lipunan! ‘Yung iba sa inyo nagnanakaw pa!

Guy: ‘Tang ina ka ah. Pakiulit nga ang sinabi mo!

Cop: Grabe ka naman, Congressman, ‘di na mabiro. Sige po, aalis na kami.

* * * * *

Cop 1: Hoy mga tambay, sumama kayo sa amin!

Cop 2: Oo nga! Sumama kayo sa amin.

Cop 3: Matagal na kayong tambay dito!

Cop 4: Tama! Abuso na kayo!

Cop 1: O, bakit hindi kayo sumagot! Magsalita kayo!

Cop 2: Naku sir, hindi talaga sasagot ang mga ‘yan. Hindi nga pala sila nakakaintindi ng Tagalog.

Cop 1: Radyuhan mo ang Coast Guard. Sabihin mo, magpadala ng interpreter dito sa Scarborough Shoal.

* * * * *

Cop: Hulihin ang mga ‘yan. Posasan! Dalhin sa presinto!

Guy: Teka lang sir. Anong kaso namin?

Cop: Mga tambay kayo!

Guy: Ano?! Nasa loob kami ng bahay eh. Paanong ‘di kami tatambay?!?

Cop: Basta! Sumama na lang kayo sa amin! Utos ‘yan ni Presidente.

Guy: Sir, ilegal ang ginagawa n’yo! Wala kami sa daan.

Cop: ‘Pag sinabi kong tambay kayo, tambay kayo!

Guy: Sir, may CCTV sa tapat. Magpapatunay ‘yan na hindi kami tambay.

Cop: Ba’t ngayon mo lang sinabi?!? Pumasok na kayo sa bahay. Baka masagasaan kayo rito. We care for your safety.

* * * * *

Cop: Damputin ang mga ‘yan!

Guy: Teka lang, sir. Anong kaso namin?

Cop: Wala. Sabi lang ni Presidente, arestuhin ang mga tambay.

Guy: Kahit walang kaso aarestuhin n’yo kesyo sinabi ng Presidente n’yo?!

Cop: Sumusunod lang kami sa utos!

Guy: Eh kung utusan kayong kumain ng tae, gagawin n’yo?

Cop: Siyempre, hindi. Magtatanong muna kami!


Cop: Itatanong namin kung kakamayin ba o kukutsarahin. Mabuti nang sure. Eh kung mapanis?!

* * * * *

Cop: Arestuhin ang mga ‘yan!

Guy: Sandali! Anong arestuhin?

Cop: ‘Wag ka nang magtanong! Utos ito ng Presidente!

Guy: Hoy! Nabasa mo na ba ang headline ngayon? Heto: itinanggi ni Duterte na nag-utos siyang arestuhin ang mga tambay.


Cop: Kahapon pa ‘yan. Mamaya o bukas, magbabago na naman ‘yan ng statement.

Guy: Sabagay. May point ka, sir.

Cop: Arestado ka pa rin! Sa presinto ka na magsipsip.

* * * * *

Cop: Hulihin ang tambay na ‘yan!

Guy: Teka lang! Bakit n’yo ako aarestuhin?!

Cop: Utos ng Presidente eh!

Guy: Para ano? Isasama sa presinto, bubugbugin kapag nangatwiran tapos papatayin? At kapag nagtanong ang media, sasabihing may sayad kaya sinaktan ang sarili at tuluyang nag-suicide? Tapos kapag nabistong gawa-gawa ang kwento, sasabihin n’yo kinuyog ng kapwa inmates? At kapag pinagdudahan pa rin at hiningi ang CCTV, sasabihin, ‘di ito gumagana nang oras na mapatay? HOY, MGA PULIS. KILALA KO NA KAYO! KILALANG-KILALA NA NAMIN KAYO! #WagKami

Cop: Kupal ka! Ang dami mong daldal. Hindi tuloy kami maka-quota! Sa ibang bahay na nga lang kami hahanap ng tambay. Leche ka!

* * * * *

Cop 1: Arestuhin ‘yan!

Guy: Teka lang mga sir. Anong kaso ko?

Cop 2: Wala naman. Tambay ka lang.

Cop 3: ‘Tsaka utos ito ni Presidente.

Guy: Pwes, pakisabi sa presidente n’yo, kung sinuman siyang bobo siya na ‘di nakakaunawa sa batas, PUTANG INA N’YA! PUTANG INA TALAGA N’YA!

Cop 1:

Cop 2:

Cop 3:

Guy: Ano pang hinihintay n’yo? Posasan n’yo na ako. Tara na. Ang bagal.
“You were put here to protect us. But who protects us from you?”

Sound Bites
“Noong dinala sa district hospital sabi ko, bakit ganito ang sinapit ng kapatid ko, buong katawan niya magang-maga. Hinawakan ko ‘yung katawan niya. Ang tigas ng kapatid ko, parang kagabi pa nila pinatay. Binaboy n’yo po ‘yung kapatid ko. ‘Tapos sa sasabihin n’yo pa nagwala ang kapatid ko? Hindi na kayang magwala ng kapatid ko dahil simula’t sapul nanghihina na siya.”
~Marilou Argoncillo, sister of Genesis Argoncillo, 22, a ‘tambay’ who was arrested and then murdered inside a police station

This is on you, Rodrigo Duterte. You are evil.


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Deccan Chronicle; Rappler]


15 06 2018


CHINESE Ambassador to the Philippines Zhao Jianhua announced that state-run People’s Television Network would soon air shows that promote Chinese propaganda history and culture. The line-up includes drama series, children’s shows, movies and documentary dubbed in Tagalog.

Starting August 1, this will be…


5:50 a.m. – Philippine National Anthem

5:55 a.m. – Chinese National Anthem

6:00 a.m. – Zǎoshang hǎo Manila (Good Morning Manila)

7:00 a.m. – Animated Series: Mao Tse Tung Tong Tong Pakitong-kitong
The life of Chairman Mao, the King Crab who rules the waters of South China Sea. It features the voices of Alan Peter Cayetano as Chairman Mao and Harry Roque as Jiang Qing a.k.a. Madam Mao, wife of Chairman Mao

8:00 a.m. – Animated Series: The Adventures of Spongebob Tiananmen SquarePants, an anti-democracy sea sponge

9:00 a.m. – Tibet On Your Baby
Tibetan couples and their babies compete for food, shelter, clothing and recognition of human rights

10:00 a.m. – Are You Going to Scarborough Shoal (Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme)
The trailblazing musical-cooking-travel show set on Scarborough Shoal features singing Chinese chefs preparing some of the most mouthwatering seafood dishes.

11:00 a.m. – Talk Show: 13 Reasons Why We Own the Disputed Islands

12:00 nn – Yuan for All, All for Yuan
Simulcast worldwide, the noontime show encourages poor, developing nations to “build, build, build” through multi-million dollar loans from Beijing.

1:30 p.m. – Game/Variety: Chinese Garter, Chinese Barter
Filipino and Chinese fishermen battle it out in a game of Chinese garter. Winner gets fish, loser gets noodles.

2:00 p.m. – Hotline Deng Va Xia: Isumbong Mo Kay Persida

3:00 p.m. – Security Guardians of the Galaxy with Solicitor General Jose Calida
Tips on how to corner huge government contracts effortlessly

4:00 p.m. – House of ‘Tards a.k.a. The Bash
A full hour devoted to mocking, maligning, and destroying the reputation of the Vice President; featuring vitriolic commentaries by Sassot, Nieto, Uson, and other BBM black propagandists

4:30 p.m. – Today’s News (According to Us) anchored by Mocha Uson and Vitaliano Aguirre

5:30 p.m. – Legal Advice: Better Call Sal (Panelo)

6:00 p.m. – 13 Reasons Why We Own the Disputed Islands (Primetime Edition)

7:00 p.m. – Replay: Chinese Garter, Chinese Barter
Filipino and Chinese fishermen battle it out in a game of Chinese garter. Winner gets fish, loser gets noodles.

7:30 p.m. – Ang Probinchino
This action drama follows the story of Shing A Ling, a member of the Chinese Coast Guard who pursues foreign “intruders” in the Spratly Islands.

8:30 p.m. – Magpa-Kowloon Man
A day in the life of a Ka-DDS with his/her Chinese friends in the Kowloon Peninsula, Hong Kong

9:20 p.m. – Chinese Lottery Draw (Simulcast worldwide)

9:30 p.m. – Bata, Bata, Paano Ka Gumawa (In Mandarin but with Filipino subtitles)
An inspiring documentary on grade school children working in Apple, Samsung, Nike, Adidas, Lenovo, Huawei, and Mattel (Barbie) factories

11:00 p.m. – Xi Duterte Forever (Recorded)
Joint regular press con of President Xi Jinping and President Rodrigo Duterte

12:00 mn – Chinese National Anthem

12:05 a.m. – Philippine National Anthem

12:07 a.m. – Sign Off

PTV 4 is the flagship government television network owned by the Philippine Government under the helm of the Presidential Communications Operations Office.
No Facebook.
No Twitter.
No YouTube.
Follow us on Weibo: @PTV_China (Strictly no content with homosexuality)
Follow us on WeChat: @PTV_China
Our official PTV app is now available for download in all areas expect Norwegia.
“A crazy country, choking air, polluted hearts, treachery. Treachery and treason.”
~Naguib Mahfouz

Sound Bites
“Totoo pong kinuhanan ng isda ang ating mangingisda sa Scarborough. Kada kinukuhanan ng isda, binibigyan naman sila ng noodles at tubig.”
~Harry Roque, Chinese presidential spokesman

Gee, thanks.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: PTV Official Website]


10 06 2018

June 12, 2018

Mga Kababayan,

Hindi na ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa. Magiging prangka ako.

Sa napakahalagang araw na ito sa Pilipinas, hindi ko alam kung angkop bang magbigay pa ako ng mensahe.

Ang tanong ng marami: Malaya ba talaga tayo?

Ako na ang nagsasabi: malayang-malaya! Walang makapagdidikta sa atin.

Nitong mga nakaraang buwan, naging paksa hindi lamang dito kundi sa mga kalapit nating bansa ang isyu ng pananakop at soberenya.

Dahil walang hinto ang pagkalat ng walang basehang mga paratang, at pagdududa, nagpasya akong ilabas ang pahayag na ito.

Maninindigan tayo. Inuulit ko, maninindigan tayo. ATIN ang pinag-aagawang mga teritoryo sa South China Sea.

Atin ang Scarborough Shoal. Atin ang Paracel Islands. Atin ang Spratlys.

Hindi tayo papayag na angkinin ng kahit anong bansa ang mga islang ‘yan.

Sinumang magtangkang sumakop sa mga teritoryong aking nabanggit ay matapang nating haharapin!

Lalaban tayo.

Kung kailangang gumamit ng armas upang maiparating ang ating mensahe, gagawin natin.

Ipagtatanggol ng pamahalaan ang mga kababayan nating mangingisda! Ang kanilang mga huli, mananatiling kanila. Walang maaaring umagaw.

Hindi tayo papayag na sila ay i-bully ninuman.

Kung may magtayo ng istruktura, magpuprotesta tayo. Kung may mangisda sa mga lugar na sakop natin, magpuprotesta tayo. Malinaw ang ating panuntunan.

Nagpapasalamat nga pala ako kina Alan Peter Cayetano at Harry Roque dahil katulong natin sila sa paghahatid ng mensahe ng ating pamahalaan patungkol sa usaping ito.

Inuulit ko, hindi tayo papayag na mapailalim sa kapangyarihan ng kahit anong bansa.

Bilang pagtatapos, nais kong batiin ang mga Filipino saan mang dako ng mundo sa pagdiriwang ng isandaan at dalawampung taon ng kasarinlan.

Binabati at pinasasalamatan ko rin ang isang tapat na kaibigan at maaasahang kaalyado – si Pangulong Rodrigo Duterte. Ipagpatuloy mo ang iyong mga nasimulan – for the motherland.

Mabuhay kayo!


Xi Jinping
People’s Republic of China

(**The original statement was translated from Mandarin to Filipino.]
“Every nation has the right to demand proper treatment and no country should violate the territory of any other country.”
~Mustafa Kemal Atatürk

Sound Bites

Read full article here.

Paano ka lalaban kung mismong ang pamahalaan kakampi ng mga kalaban?

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Reporter’s Notebook]


6 06 2018


“They all lie, from the top man down to the bottom. If their lips are moving, a lie is unfolding.”
~William Rivers Pitt

Sound Bites
“Balahura din ako. Ganyan ang labanan eh! Kailangan ka talagang lumaban. I’m sorry na ganito ang nangyari sa bayan natin – na in order for you to be heard, you have to speak this language. In order for people to listen to you, you have to shove the truth in their faces.”
~Kris Aquino [Click to watch video]


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Rappler]


3 06 2018


You may save the post (image file) and share on your social media feed.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.


1 06 2018




31 05 2018

PicPlance Crash

1PlaneCrash V2


31 05 2018


1Mura v2


21 05 2018

PRINCE HARRY and Meghan Markle exchanged vows at St. George’s Church in Windsor Castle. It was a spectacle that unified much of the country. But that’s nothing compared to the spectacle that is Rodrigo Duterte who wants to unify China and this country.

After the ceremony, Queen Elizabeth hosted a lunchtime reception at St. George’s Hall. The catering contract was apparently awarded to the Tulfo brothers through the help of Wanda Tulfo-Teo.

Later that night, the groom’s father, Prince Charles hosted a simpler yet elegant and more intimate dinner at nearby Frogmore House. But Charles was so frugal, food was served by Cesar Montano’s Buhay Carinderia clients – fully paid months before the event.

Celebrity A-listers, foreign royalty, religious figures as well as diplomats and politicians descended on Windsor for the royal occasion. Many people described the ceremony a “fairy tale wedding.” Kat De Castro described the event as “wrong timing.”

Speaking of fairy tales, Tito Sotto is going to be installed as Senate President soon. Let that sink in.

As its president, Tito Sotto says, he “will not allow the Senate to be degraded.” He forgot the word ‘further.’

Incoming Senate president Tito Sotto says, “I will not allow it to be degraded.” When sought for reaction, Manny Pacquiao said, “Hindi naman masakit.”

Updated 5.21.2018:
Tito Sotto has been elected Senate president. In his speech, Sotto said, “Ni sa panaginip ay hindi sumagi sa aking isipan na ako ay maluluklok bilang pangulo ng Senado.” In his defense, not even in our nightmares.

Chinese long-range bombers have reportedly landed on the Paracel Islands in the South China Sea. Nearly all of the Philippines falls within the radius of the bombers. As of Sunday, May 20, Foreign Affairs Sec. Alan Peter Cayetano has not answered questions about the bombers. To be fair, Cayetano has finished drafting an official statement. He’s just seeking final approval from Beijing before releasing it.

The Lower House voted to abolish the Presidential Commission on Good Government, the agency tasked to run after the Marcoses’ ill-gotten wealth. The PCGG’s functions will be transferred to the Office of Solicitor General Jose Calida, a known Marcos loyalist. Next up: the Lower House will target the abolition of the Dep’t. of Environment and Natural Resources and transfer its functions to the office of Cynthia and Manny Villar.

Saying it was long overdue, Imee Marcos insisted the PCGG should have been abolished “30 years ago.” Actually, the PCGG should have not been formed at all – if your thieving family did not pillage government coffers.

Newly-appointed Tourism secretary Bernadette Romulo-Puyat expressed shock over the alleged misuse of hundreds of millions of DOT funds by previous officials . When he heard this, Cesar Montano protested, “Correction please: hindi ako previous official!”

‘Buhay Carinderia’ is a video series aimed at promoting local food and eateries. Reports say the Tourism Promotions Board headed by chief operating officer Cesar Montano disbursed almost 90 percent of payment to the marketing agency although the project has not been completed. When it was exposed, Montano blamed Wanda Tulfo-Teo saying she pushed for the payment to her friend, Erlinda Legaspi, the agency’s owner. In a statement, Wanda Teo said, “I’m equally shocked. I didn’t know Erlinda is my friend.”

Updated 5.22.2010
Cesar Montano has resigned as chief operating officer of the Tourism Promotions Board. In his resignation letter, the actor thanked Duterte for giving him the opportunity to head the agency. With hundreds of millions of pesos at your disposal, who wouldn’t be thankful?

In Balabac, Palawan, a fisherman saved his teenage son from a 15-feet long crocodile which attacked and bit him. Apparently, the son was preparing to go fishing alone when the animal attacked. The father was alerted when he heard his son yelling, “Saklolo! May taga-DOT dito! Saklolo!”
“Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices, a rottenness begins in his conduct.”
~Thomas Jefferson

Sound Bites
“Hindi kayo pumasok ng gobyerno para mag-around the world.”
~Tourism Sec. Berna Romulo-Puyat to former DOT officials

Travel pa more.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Royal Wedding: Getty Images ; Berna Puyat:ABSCBN News]


9 05 2018


President, Republic of the Philippines
Malacañan Palace, Manila

Dear Mr. President,

Kahapon nang umaga ay Panay ang iyak ko nang marinig ko ang balita. Mag-aalmusal ako no’n. Ang sarap ng mga pagkain sa mesa. I was so Hungary ngunit bigla akong nawalan ng Ghana. Malakas kasi ang bulung-bulungang sisibakin mo ako. Ang una kong naisip, Albay some time. Kaya’t bago pa man ang Cabinet meeting kinagabihan, inutusan ko ang aking abogado na kausapin si SAP Bong Go; baka sakaling magawan ng paraan. But it was too late. Wala na rin siyang nagawa. Ang Belize ng mga pangyayari. Bago matapos ang Lunes, wala na akong trabaho. I’m Finnished!

Tinawagan ko agad ang aking mga kapatid.

Gulat na gulat si Ben. “What the actual fuck?! Tinuluyan ka ni Tatay Digong?!? Norway!”

Halos ‘di naman nakapagsalita si Erwin. “I don’t Bolivia! Tell me this isn’t real. Tell me panaginip lang lahat ito. Busan mo ako ng tubig please!”

Dala ng labis na galit, namura ko sila. “P*tang ina n’yo kasi! Puro kayo Caloocan! Ke Bago-Baguio ko pa lang sa government service, pinagkakitaan n’yo agad. Ito ang resulta! Kasalanan n’yo ‘to!”

Sumagot si Ben, “This is in Seine! We will fix this.”

“D’yan ka magaling! Sa ‘fix-fix’ na ‘yan! Eh kung Dagupan kaya kita d’yan!?! Kumita ka na, ‘di ba?! Tama na!”

Ngunit nanindigan pa rin siya. “Malinis ang aking konsensya. Matino akong tao,” paliwanag niya.

“Matino?! Are you Syria?!?” sabi ko, “Alam ko ang Caracas mo, Ben! Alam din sa industriya ang style n’yo.”

Hindi na nakatiis si Erwin. “Akala mo ba Ate ikaw lang ang nasasaktan? Akala mo ba ikaw lang ang mapapahiya? Akala mo ba ikaw lang ang mawawalan ng kita? Camiguin!”

“Tigilan Monaco, Erwin! Tigilan n’yo na ako! Kagagawan n’yong lahat ito! Kasalanan n’yo kung bakit nawalan ako ng trabaho!”

At tuluyan na akong napahagulhol. Iraq ako nang Iraq.

Mr. President, you can Czech may track record. Heart and Seoul ang puhunan ko rito. I Cannes enumerate several other accomplishments but I rather not. Ayaw ko pong magyabang.

Basta, I Benin the travel industry for years kaya alam ko ang ginagawa ko. Kumbaga, Vatican na ako d’yan.

Alam mo kung gaano ako ka-dedicated sa trabaho! Cuba na ako sa kapu-promote sa Pilipinas. Sa katunayan, tumaas ang bilang ng mga turista sa bansa mula nang ma-appoint ako sa DOT. Hindi ko lang alam ang exact figures but Alaska a staff to send you the data.

Tanong nga po ng aking mga anak, “Mom, do you Everest?”

Sa bahay po kasi pati trabaho ng maid ginagawa ko na. Sabi nga minsan ng aking kasambahay, “Grabe ka naman Ma’am, inako mo na lahat. Tehran n’yo naman ako.”

May tatlong bagay lang akong gustong linawin, Sir. Una, hindi ko alam na hosts pala ng ‘Kilos Pronto’ sa PTV4 sina Ben at Erwin. Ottawa kayo nang tawa d’yan! Totoo po ‘yan. Ang tanging alam ko lang ay Rated Fiji ang show.

Pangalawa, kahapon ko lang din nalaman na hindi lang pala 20 million pesos ang napuntang pera sa kanila. Kahit Dublin mo ‘yan, kulang pa rin. Alam mo ba kung magkano? Tripoli!

And lastly, hindi ko po alam na kapatid ko pala sila. Kenya believe it? Ako rin, ‘di makapaniwala.  I’m sure sasabihin ng ibang tao, echoserang Prague ako. I am just telling the truth Mr. President.

Sanga pala, Yemen din lang at binigyan n’yo ako ng chance magpaliwanag, makikiusap na rin Sana’a ako na ‘wag na kaming kasuhang magkakapatid. Malusutan lang namin ito, tatanawin po namin ‘yang isang malaking utang na Louvre.

Masakit pong lisanin ang tanggapang pinaglingkuran ko sa nakalipas na dalawang taon. At lalong masakit na mawalay sa ‘yo. The truth is I don’t wanna Libya, Tatay Digong.

But I have Togo. Hindi mo na ako kailangang ipagtabuyan. Ako na po ang kusang aalis. Consider this decision a Korea move.

Paalam… mahal na Pangulo.

Isang malaking karangalan po na ikaw ay mapaglingkuran. Sa aking pag-alis, sana ay iyong tandaan: You are my one and only President… Mayon at kailanman.

Swede dreams!

Wanda Tulfo-Teo
“Inconsistency, incompetence, and lies are all cut short by the ground. It will stop you if you can’t stop yourself.”
~Mark Twight

Sound Bites
“Diktadurya ang magwawagi at mananaig sa bansa kung manalo ang quo warranto petition at patay na ang judicial independence.”
~Chief Justice Ma. Lourdes Sereno


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Wanda Tulfo-Teo: ABSCBN News – Handout photo from Special Assistant to the President Bong Go]


3 05 2018

THE DEPARTMENT of Tourism headed by Wanda Tulfo-Teo spent more than 60 million pesos for ad placements on Tulfo-Teo brothers’ blocktime program on government station PTV4. Tulfo-Teo insisted there was “no conflict of interest” because the contract was between PTV4 and her brothers’ program. BUT official documents released by the Commission on Audit revealed otherwise. Apparently, Tulfo-Teo’s department “specifically required” PTV4 to “buy segments” on her brothers’ show. Unbelievable.

Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng broadcaster.

Samantala, sa isang radio program…

Tulfo: Ang init talaga ng panahon mga Ka-DDs. Son of a bitch, pinagpapawisan talaga ako. Now you know why I always wear shades. Because, temperature dude! The mercury keeps rising. Anyway, marami na tayong naghihintay na callers. Let’s do some public service bitches. Geez, this weather! Caller No. 1, hello?

Caller: Idol, hello po.

T: What’s your name and how may I help you?

C: Nestor ho ng Pasig. Ano bang dapat gawin kapag abusado ang opisyal ng gobyerno?

T: Well, that’s despicable. But can you be specific bro? You know, give some details so I could analyze your situation better.

C: Eh kasi idol, gumastos ng 60 million pesos, wala namang napala ang publiko.

T: Medyo mahina ang boses mo bro. Can you please speak a littler louder?


T: You know what, I think we’re having some technical difficulties here. Mr. Engineer, this needs some fixing.

C: Hello idol? Hello! Naririnig kita. Malinaw naman ang dating mo sa akin ah.

T: We’ll be right back.

* * * * *

T: Salamat nga pala sa engineers natin here sa station. Mabilis naayos ang problema natin sa phone line. I salute you boys. Now, let’s talk to caller No. 2. Hello… ?

C: Hello po! Si Maricar po ‘to ng Caloocan.

T: Wow! What a sweet name, Maricar! Reminds me of this pretty classmate of mine in elementary. I was so enamored with her. And mind you, the feeling was mutual. She was into me, too. Maybe it was my killer smile or perhaps my pair of sunglasses. Yes mga ka-DDS, bata pa lang ko, naka-shades na. Ain’t that cool? O, Maricar, anong maitutulong ko?

C: Idol, may isusumbong sana ako.

T: Of course! That’s precisely the reason why I created this show. I wanna help the less fortunate sector of the society. Sinong isusumbong mo?

C: Idol, galit ka sa nepotism sa gobyerno ‘di ba?

T: Of course! Noon ko pa sinasabi. Even my brothers have been vocal against it. Kapag nasa gobyerno ka, hindi mo dapat pinapaboran ang mga kamag-anak mo. Kakapalan ng mukha ‘yon. That’s just despicable my dear listeners.

C: Kilala mo ba si Wanda Teo na gumastos ng 60 million pesos for ads na napunta sa kanyang mga kapatid?

T: What’s the name again, Maricar?

C: Wanda Teo.

T: Sino ‘yon? Let me gather some info and then I’ll get back to you. Next caller please.

* * * * *

T: Mga Ka-DDS, remember this. Our program has always been fair. Both sides pinakikinggan natin. Hindi puwedeng kesyo ikaw ang nagreklamo, tama ka lagi. We’re only after the truth here.

Caller No. 3… na ayaw raw ibigay ang pangalan… hello ma’am? Nandiyan ka pa ba sa line? Sorry, pinaghintay ka namin.


T: I’m sorry dear listeners. May nakapasok na prank caller. You know naman the millennials ‘di ba? Mahilig talaga sa prank calls ‘tapos maya-maya naka-upload na. Mali eh. Hindi nila ‘to dapat ginagawa. That’s just despicable! Magbababalik po ang ating programa.

* * * * *

C: Idol, si Nikki ‘to ng Pasay.

T: Nikki bro, kumusta d’yan sa Pasay? I was there the other night lang kasi we raided a gambling den. Almost midnight na ‘yon. Napakadilim sa area. Kulang na kulang sa pailaw. Mayor Calixto, tarantad… gumising ka naman. Konting sipag pa.

C: Idol, naka-shades ka ba during the raid?

T: May problema ka ba sa shades ko?

C: Wala naman idol. May gusto nga pala akong ireklamo dito sa Pasay.

T: Go!

C: ‘Yung local DSWD dito, namigay ng grocery bags sa barangay namin. ‘Yong isang tauhan nila, sa halip na isa lang ang ibigay bawat bahay, tatlo ang ibinigay sa isa naming kapitbahay.

T: Well, that’s just despicable my dear listeners. Nagtanong ka ba sa DSWD? Bakit daw ganun?

C: Sabi ng tambay dito, kapatid pala niya ang nakatira dun. Ang kapal ng mukha ‘di ba? Kesyo kapatid pinaboran. Putang ina ‘di ba?

T: Wait…

C: Eh kasi dapat walang pinapaboran ang hayup na iyon eh. Putang ina talaga.

T: Teka lang! Can we not be judgmental here Nikki? You don’t know the real story. Hearsay lang ‘yan. Baka naman may valid reason kung bakit tatlong grocery bags ang ibinigay. Let’s give that DSWD personnel a chance to defend himself and clariy the issue. Kesyo pinaboran, masama agad? ‘Wag ganyan. That’s just despicable.
Nikki, are you still there?
Nandiyan ka pa ba?
‘Tang in… Binabaan na tayo ng telepono.

* * * * *

T: And we’re back. Before talking to our next caller, I’d like to greet some friends nga pala d’yan sa Customs. They’re listening right now. Mga lodi, what’s up? And also, to Ms Kat De Castro who’s also a regular listener, thank you for the support.

Now, we have Caller No. 5, Mr. John Robert Powers. Wow, I think we’ve got a tourist on the phone. Just goes to prove how effective those DOT commercials are. Mr. John Robert Powers… hello sir? Welcome to the preygram.


T: Well, I’m not going to dignify that personal attack. That’s just despicable my dear listeners. We’re not on the same level moron! Nandito ako, nandito lang kayo. Mga ulol!

Sa production staff natin na sumasagot sa mga tawag, how many times do I have to tell you to strictly screen the calls?!? PAANO NAKALUSOT ANG PUTANG INANG ‘YUN? SCREEN THE FUCKING CALLS BITCHES! You guys better shape up or risk losing your fucking job. Consider this my first and last warning. We’ll be right back after a few words from our sponsor – the DOT. 

* * * * *

T: Our last caller, si Buboy Bituin ng San Juan. May irereklamong kapitbahay na ubod daw nang tsismosa. Well, that’s just despicable my dear listeners. Sir Buboy, hello po? How can we help you?

C: Idol, hindi ko na matiis ang tsismosa kong kapitbahay. Nitong mga nakaraang araw, puro tsismis ang inaatupag.

T: Are you the subject of the chism? I mean, kayo ba ang chinichismis?

C: Hindi naman idol kaya lang

T: Eh hindi naman pala ikaw ang ichinichismis, bakit nagrereklamo ka?

C: Binging-bingi na kasi ako sa mga

T: Wait. Just because nabibingi ka na sa bunganga niya, nagrereklamo ka na? I find that a bit weird sir. Kung ‘di ka agrabyado, anong basehan ng reklamo? I’m sorry. As I have said, we’re just being fair. To be honest, baka kahit sa barangay, hindi ka manalo. By the way sir, what was the chismis all about ba?

C: Sabi niya kasi… ‘yong Dep’t. of Tourism daw, gumastos ng more than 60 million for ads sa Channel 4. Ayaw ko ngang maniwala. ‘Tapos ang more than 60 million pesos na ‘yon, napunta pala sa kapatid ng DOT Secretary. Ilang araw na niyang ‘kinukuwento sa akin ‘to.

“Nepotism is the lowest and least imaginative form of corruption.”
~Daniel Alarcón, ‘At Night We Walk in Circles’

Sound Bites
“Mr. Duterte has brandished the power of fear. His threats and attacks bear the full weight of his office, the highest in the land. No need to test constitutional limits. All he seems to want to do is to make enough journalists understand that they should be very afraid.”
~Inquirer Editorial, ‘Speak truth to power, keep power in check’

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Grig C. Montegrande/Inquirer File Photo] // Jonathan Cellona/BSCBN News

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