SENATOR DE LIMA GRILLED!

29 08 2016

1dl
THE HOUSE of Representatives is conducting a congressional inquiry into the proliferation of illegal drugs at the New Bilibid Prison. President Duterte’s allies in Congress wanted to grill Sen. Leila De Lima but the feisty senator has rejected their invitation calling it Duterte’s “kangaroo court.”

This morning, a list of questions purportedly drafted by Congress’s super-majority, specifically for De Lima, leaked online. Take a look!

* * * * *

Thank you for accepting our invitation Madam Senator. Hindi na po kami magpapaliguy-ligoy pa.

1: Ilang taon ka nang unang magka-boyfriend?
Follow up:
Smoker ba ang first boyfriend mo?
Sinubukan ba nitong mag-drugs?
Kung oo, inalok ka ba nito?
Kung oo, tinikman mo ba?
Kung oo, nasarapan ka ba?
Kung oo, inulit mo ba?
Kung oo, na-addict ka ba?
Kung oo, nagpa-rehab ka ba?
Kung hindi, masama kang babae. Period.

2: Ilang taon ka nang ma-devirginize?
Follow up:
Boyfriend mo ba ang nakauna sa ‘yo?
Kung oo, pinilit ka ba?
Kung hindi, ikaw ba ang nagyaya?
Kung oo, napilitan lang ba siya?
Kung oo, masama kang babae. Period.

3: Ano ang civil status mo ngayon?
Follow up:
May natanggap kaming report na “It’s Complicated” ang inilagay mong relationship status sa Facebook recently. Binago mo ito pero nakakuha kami ng screen cap ng original status. Pakipaliwanag kung bakit “It’s Complicated.”

4: What is love? Define legally.
Follow up:
Naniniwala ka ba sa forever?
Kung hindi… kami rin.
Kung oo, naka-droga ka ba?
Kung oo, masama kang tao. Period.

5: Sino si Ronnie Dayan sa buhay mo?
Follow up:
Naging “kayo” ba ni Ronnie?
Ano ang theme song n’yo?
Ano ang tawagan n’yo sa isa’t isa: beh o babe?
Kung beh, ano kayo, millennials? ‘Di na kayo nahiya!?!
Hiwalay ka na ba sa asawa mo nang maging “kayo?”
Kung oo, hiwalay na ba siya sa misis niya nang maging “kayo?”
Kung hindi, masama kang babae. Period.

6: Isinasama mo ba si Ronnie Dayan kapag nagsasagawa ka ng inspection sa Bilibid?
Follow up:
Alam mo bang kilala ni Ronnie Dayan ang ilang high profile inmates?
Alam mo rin bang may contact siya sa mga ito?
Alam mo bang tumatanggap siya ng pera mula sa nakakulong na drug lords?
‘Yan ang sabi ng aming binayarang nahagilap na witnesses!
Kung alam mong lahat ‘yan at wala kang ginawa, masama kang babae! Period.
Kung hindi mo naman alam, anong klase kang girlfriend? Hindi mo iniisip ang seguridad ng iyong partner!
Masama ka pa ring babae. Period!

7: Sino si Warren Cristobal at bakit nali-link ka sa kanya?
Follow up:
Ano ang naging reaksyon ni Ronnie Dayan nang malaman niyang kinuha mong security detail si Warren Cristobal?
Nagselos ba siya?
Kung oo, may dapat ba siyang ipagselos?
Kung oo, two-timer!
Masama kang babae. Period.

8: Lagi mong sinasabi, napakahalaga ng human rights. May nagsasabi pang kesyo this government is committing “crime against humanity.” Pero ang tanong nga ni Pangulong Duterte, isipin mo ang mga drug addicts. Are they humans?
Follow up:
Kung ipapagahasa ka namin ngayon sa isang drug addict, ipaglalaban mo pa rin ba ang human rights niya?
Kung hindi, ipokrito ka!
Kung oo, wala ka na talaga sa tamang pag-iisip. Nasa panig ka ng mga kriminal.
Masama kang babae. Period.

9: May we direct your attention to the projected matrix on the wall. Patutunayan ng matrix na ito ang mga sumusunod:
Tuloy ang “bond” sa pagitan n’yo ni Ronnie Dayan.
May kuneksyon si Ronnie Dayan sa isang drug lord.
Ikaw, si Ronnie Dayan at ang isang drug lord ay iisa ang type na palabas.
Isa kang cougar.

1Matrix

Closing:
Madam Senator, kung iyong mapapansin, napakapatas ng ginagawa naming pagdinig. Hindi kami nanghuhusga. Nais lang naming bigyan ka ng pagkakataong makapagpaliwanag.

Sabi ni Mark Twain, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” Madam Senator, sa bawat tanong, malaya kang makapagbibigay ng pahayag — in 140 characters or less. Kung hindi mo magagawa ‘yan, ibig sabihin, hindi ka nagsasabi ng totoo. Guilty ka sa mga ibinibintang sa ‘yo. Therefore, masama kang babae. Period.
—————————————————————————————————————————-
“To a misogynist: To err is woman.”
~Mokokoma Mokhonoana, philosopher, social critic

Sound Bites
“Kilala n’yo naman ang mga drug lord dito. Puntahan n’yo ang bahay, buhusan n’yo ng gasolina, sigaan ninyo. Ipakita n’yong galit kayo sa kanila. Kilala niyo sino ang drug lord dito. Gusto niyong patayin? Patayin niyo. Pwede kayong pumatay dahil kayo ang biktima.”
~PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ dela Rosa who apologized for making the statement

“The House conducting this inquiry to try me before false witnesses is not democracy. The House conducting this inquiry is Duterte’s kangaroo court conducting the Salem witch trials and burning me at the stake.”
~Sen. Leila De Lima

Stay safe.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Inquirer.net]





IMORAL! ADIK! BOBO! ATBP. KWENTO

17 08 2016

1Duperfect
THINK YOU’RE UPDATED? Find out by answering this current events fun quiz. Kapag na-perfect n’yo, bibigyan kayo ng puwesto sa gobyerno. ‘Yan naman ang uso! Good luck!

1: Sa kanyang talumpati sa Camp Crame, tinawag na “immoral woman” ni President Duterte si Sen. Leila De Lima dahil may “lover” daw ito. Bakit ito nasabi ng Pangulo?
A: Dahil sa panahong ito, mas tanggap ng mga Pilipino ang pumatay ka kaysa magkaroon ka ng kabit
B: May karapatang magsabi ng gano’n ang Presidente dahil never siyang nambabae. Perfect husband siya.
C: Actually, nagbibiro lang ang Pangulo; pampaingay lang ‘yon para ma-promote ang bago niyang showbiz-oriented talk show sa Channel 4.

1MarcosPhilstar
2: Ayon kay Manny Pacquiao (na ibinoto n’yong senador), dapat ilibing sa Libingan ng mga Bayani ang namayapang diktador na si Ferdinand Marcos. Paliwanag ni Manny, “Huwag tayong magalit kung anuman ang nagawa niya.” Bakit daw?
A: Dahil mga bobo tayo
B: Dahil paninira lamang ‘yon kay Marcos
C: Dahil sabi raw sa Romans 12:5, “Ang ‘di mag-move on, bitter!”

1MP
3: Still on Pacquiao, sa kanyang kauna-unahang privilege speech bilang senador, inihayag nito ang suporta niya sa death penalty. Ayon kay Manny…
A: “Si God nga pinatay halos lahat ng tao sa buong mundo sa pamamagitan ng baha, tayo pa kaya?”
B: “Masyado nang maraming bobo at istupido sa bansang ito. Magbawas tayo.”
C: “Kahit naman walang death penalty, marami na ring pinapatay ngayon. So parang ganun na rin. Sanayan lang!”

1KBordador
4: Anong lesson ang mapupulot sa pagkakaaresto sa magkasintahang drug suspects na sina Karen Bordador at Emilio Lim?
A: Hindi marunong “manlaban” ang mga suspect na nakatira sa condo.
B: Kapag mababango, mugshots. Kapag dugyutin, shots lang.
C: Kapag may pangalan, mugshots. Kapag nameless, cardboard.

1Hero
5: Nag-leave na ang kapatid ni Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista na si Councilor Hero Bautista upang magpa-rehab. Sa privilege speech sa harap ng konseho, sinabi ni Hero na “biktima” siya ng droga. Ano kaya ang reaksyon ng droga?
A: “Biktima?!? Kami ba ang lumapit? Kami ba ang gumamit?! Nakakaloka ka!”
B: “There’s a Hero… if you look inside your heart. You don’t have to be afraid of what you are.”
C: “Sisihin talaga kami?! Pwes, dahil marupok ka naman pala, magpalit ka na ng pangalan. Victim Bautista, mas bagay sa ‘yo ‘yan. Tse!”

1JoeySal
6: Ayon kay Albay Governor Joey Salceda, ano raw ang dapat sisihin sa paglala ng traffic ngayon sa EDSA?
A: Lumalaking populasyon ng mga bading
B: Kotse ng mga pulitikong balimbing
C: Lubak-lubak na kalsada

1Schooling
7: Matapos iuwi ng swimmer na si Joseph Schooling ang kauna-unahang gold medal ng Singapore sa Summer Olympics, sinaliksik ng local media ang buhay nito at napag-alaman nilang Filipina ang yayang nagpalaki sa atleta: si Yolanda Pascual. Pero alam n’yo bang may “kunek” din pala sa Pilipinas ang pinakamahusay ngayong female Olympic gymnast na si Simone Biles ng US? Hulaan n’yo kung ano.
A: Ang biological parents ni Simone Biles ay may kapitbahay na South Korean na laging kumakain sa restaurant kung saan nagtatrabaho ang kanyang best friend na Mexican na ang ex-boyfriend ay minsang may nakasabay na Pinoy sa CR! Amazing!
B: Si Simone Biles ay may height lamang na 4’9” na ‘di nalalayo sa height na 4’11” ng dating pangulo ng Pilipinas na si Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. Ang lapit!
C: Si Simone Biles ay mula Milky Way Galaxy kung saan located ang ating Solar System na kinaroroonan ng planetang Earth kung saan matatagpuan ang Estados Unidos na bahagi ng Asia-Pacific Region na kinabibilangan din ng Pilipinas. Nakaka-proud!

1Ellen
8: Inakusahan ng pagiging racist si Ellen DeGeneres dahil sa picture na ito na lumabas sa official Twitter account ng kanyang talk show. Ano ba ang sabi niya sa tweet?
A: “My new pet is amazing!”
B: “Horsin’ around before our taping.”
C: “Off to the jungle!”

1Chiz
9: Ano ang ibig sabihin nito?! Paki-explain!
A: Ito ang unang phase ng transition ni Senator Chiz. Supportive naman si Heart – in fairness.
B: Tapos na ang special course niya sa TESDA. OJT na.
C: Confeeeeeeeeermed!

1Romance
10: Sa Cagayan De Oro City, ipinagbabawal ng Golden Heritage Polytechnic College ang pagkakaroon ng “intimate relationship” sa pagitan ng mga lalaki at mga babaeng estudyante. Ano ang masasabi n’yo?
A: Puwede bang itama muna ang grammar sa tarp bago pakialaman ang personal na buhay ng mga estudyante?!
B: Kung bawal ang relasyon sa pagitan ng male and female students, pwede bang male to male o female to female? #LoveWins
C: Sa nakaisip ng panuntunang ‘yan: huwag kang bitter! Kung masama ang experience mo noon, huwag kang mandamay! Pangit!

Bonus Question: Kaninong diet ito?
1Diet
A: Sen. Franklin Drilon
B: Olympic silver medalist Hidilyn Diaz
C: Jessy Mendiola
Guess first then click here for the answer.
——————————————————————————————————————————-
“A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.”
~Adlai E. Stevenson II

Sound Bites
“It’s so foul, it’s character assassination. We are both professionals, the President and I. We are both public servants. I hope he doesn’t resort to those foul means. To me, that’s very foul.”
~Sen. Leila De Lima on President Duterte’s personal tirades

Stay safe.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Inquirer.Net; Karen Bordador/BF: PNP-PIO; Marcos: Edd Gumban/Philstar; Hero Bautista: Richard Reyes/PDI; Manny Pacquiao: Grig Montegrande/PDI; Salceda: GMA Network; Yolanda/Schooling: Singtel; The Ellen Show; CDO: ABSCBNNews; Heart/Chiz: Happy Skin]





TYPHOONS 2016: The Complete List

12 08 2016

philippines-extrajudicial-killings
IT’S TYPHOON season again in the Philippines. Narito ang listahan ng mga bagyo ngayong taong ito. Gawin ang kaukulang pag-iingat.

Typhoon Duterte
Pabugsu-bugso ngunit napakalakas. Maraming iniiwang patay sa mga lugar na dinadaanan. Mapanganib lalo na sa mga ordinaryo at mahihirap na naninirahan sa matataong lugar.

Typhoon Duterte II
Predictable ang galaw ng bagyong ito. Hahagupit ‘tapos magbabago ng ihip ng hangin ‘tapos hahataw na naman. Nalilito tuloy ang mga weather specialists at nauuwi sa iba’t ibang interpretasyon ang kanilang forecast.

Typhoon Gloria
Nakaalis na ang bagyong ito ngunit muling bumalik at patuloy na lumalakas.

Typhoon Marcos
Maraming pinatay at pinahirapan ang bagyong ito. Hanggang ngayon, marami pa rin ang nawawala. Sagaran din ang pinsalang idinulot nito sa ekonomiya. Ang nakalulungkot lang, iba ang kumakalat na impormasyon ngayon: dapat pa nga raw pasalamatan ang dalang ulan ng bagyong ito dahil naiwasan ang tagtuyot sa ilang lugar.

Typhoon Gina Lopez
Matindi ang bagyong ito lalo na kapag nag-landfall. Kadalasang tumatama ang sentro ng bagyo sa ang mga minahan.

Typhoon Andanar
Kulog at kidlat pa lang nito, mahuhulog ka na raw sa upuan. Mapapaiyak ka rin umano sa dala nitong ulan. But don’t worry, sa forecast lang naman ‘yan. Sa totoong buhay, sakto lang naman.

Typhoon Bato
Enjoy na enjoy ang bagyong ito lalo na kapag pinag-uusapan at napi-feature sa mga reports at interviews sa media. Matitindi rin ang mga buntot ng bagyong ito. Take cover ka na lang at ‘wag na ‘wag ‘manlalaban.’

Typhoon Panelo
Isang lumang sama ng panahon na nakaipon ng sapat na lakas recently lang kaya’t na-classify bilang bagyo. ‘Wag n’yo na lang katakutan. ‘Di naman siya talaga kalakasan. Feeling lang niya.

Typhoon Bongbong
Ang buntot ng Typhoon Marcos. Muntik nang manalasa sa bansa ngunit maagang namonitor ng PAGASA ang galaw kaya’t nakapaghanda ang mga tao. May panganib pa ring dala at posibleng bumalik kaya pinapayuhang maging vigilant ang publiko.

Typhoon Binay
Ang palatandaang paparating ang bagyong ito ay ang nakakatakot na pagdidilim ng kalangitan. Napakalakas ng bagyong ito. BEFORE. Nang pumasok ang Typhoon Duterte, na-push ito papalayo at tuluyan nang humina.

Typhoon Joma
Napakatagal nang binago ang kategorya ng weather disturbance na ito. Mula sa pagiging typhoon, na-classify ito bilang low pressure area na lamang. Ngunit kung kumilos ay astang bagyo pa rin ito kahit wala na sa Philippine Area of Responsibility.

Typhoon Pacquiao
Huwag magtaka kung mamatay ka pagdaan ng bagyong ito. Tandaan: Pabor si God sa death penalty kaya ‘pag namatay ka, ibig sabihin, kagustuhan ni God ‘yon. Pinarurusahan ka niya. Nasa Bible ‘yan. Check n‘yo.

Typhoon Pacquiao II
Maraming factors kung bakit nabubuo ang isang bagyo. Sa kaso ng bagyong ito, walang dapat sisihin kundi ang kapabayaan at katangahan na rin ng mga tao. Sisihin n’yo ang mga sarili n’yo. Mga gunggong!

Typhoon Mocha
Ang bagyong walang masyadong ulan – pero mahangin. That’s all. Thank you!
———————————————————————————————————————————————-
“Arrogance combined with stubbornness is a ticking bomb.”
~Unarine Ramaru

Sound Bites
“Sana nga, sabun-sabunan niya yung bibig niya dahil medyo naliligaw na naman.”
~Prof. Clarita Carlos, political analyst on President Duterte who recently called the US ambassador “bakla” and “son of a bitch”

Elsewhere
An emphatic minority by Shakira Sison
“Hello there! Here is my homeland, where the evening news proudly announces body counts. Where the daily number of casualties now equals great success. It’s the only place in the world where death means winning a war, the only country whose people are fine with civilians being killed on the spot.”

No to extrajudicial killing!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Typhoon: Charism Sayat/AFP Photo; EJK: Reuters]





LEAKED: DUTERTE’S 1ST SONA (EXCLUSIVE)

22 07 2016

A DRAFT of President Rodrigo Duterte’s First State of the Nation Address was sent to this blogger. Here are [unedited] excerpts of the speech. Exclusive!

dd

State of the Nation Address
of
Rodrigo R. Duterte
President of the Philippines

[To be delivered at the Session Hall of the House of Representatives, Batasang Pambansa Complex, Quezon City on July 28, 2016]

SPEAKER PANTALEON Alvarez, Senate President Aquilino ‘Koko’ Pimentel III, Vice President Leni Robredo, Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno, former presidents Fidel V. Ramos, Joseph Ejercito Estrada and Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo… (BOISTEROUS APPLAUSE)

Ma’am, puwede po bang tumayo kayo? Na-miss yata kayo ng inyong mga kasamahan dito sa Kongreso. (MORE APPLAUSE)

[Shobra ka naman Digong. Nakatayo na ako.] (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Palakpakan po ulit natin, former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo! (APPLAUSE)

Members of the House of Representatives and the Senate; distinguished members of the diplomatic corps; fellow workers in government,

Mga minamahal kong kababayan…

Change has come. (5-MINUTE APPLAUSE, STANDING OVATION)

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Magsasalita ba ako o papalakpak na lang kayo maghapon? (CANNED LAUGHTER/APPLAUSE)

Before I continue, gusto ko munang batiin si former president Noynoy Aquino na nanonood sa Times Street. Noy, huwag kang mag-alala ngayong hapon. Hindi ko sisisihin ang iyong administrasyon. (APPLAUSE)

As I have promised, hindi ko na hahabaan ang aking speech. Napakahalaga ng bawat segundo sa akin. Inaamin ko, ako ang nag-utos na tigilan na ang taunang fashion show sa red carpet sa labas. Sinasayang nito ang ating oras. (APPLAUSE)

Tingnan n’yo ang inyong mga sarili ngayong hapon. Napakaayos. Mukha kayong public servants na nag-oopisina. Samantalang dati kapag SONA, para kayong shoppers sa isang SM boutique – ang KULTURA. (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Kamakailan ay naipanalo natin ang arbitration case laban sa China. (APPLAUSE) Ang sabi ng Beijing noong isang linggo, “Sige, usap tayo. Pero i-disregard n’yo muna ang hatol.” Ulol! (APPLAUSE)

May natatanggap na batikos si DFA Sec. Perfecto Yasay Jr. nitong mga nakaraang araw. Pero ako na mismo ang magsasabi sa inyo… hinding-hindi natin isusuko ang claim sa pinag-aagawang mga isla! (APPLAUSE) At lalo namang hindi natin uurungan ang China! (STANDING OVATION)

* * * * *

Noong Biyernes sa isang drug raid sa Valenzuela, napatay natin ang big time Chinese drug lord na si Meco Tan. China: 0, Philippines: 1. (APPLAUSE)

PULIS
Noong kampanya, kung natatandaan n’yo, I promised to kill five criminals PER WEEK para maresolba ang problema sa peace and order! Humihingi po ako ng paumanhin at hindi ko natupad ang aking pangako. Dahil sa latest data ng PNP, mula nang ako ay maupo, ang napapatay PER DAY ay sampu! (APPLAUSE/STANDING OVATION)

Sabi nila, ‘Justice delayed is justice denied.’ Sang-ayon ako d’yan! Kaya’t mabilis ang pagkilos ng ating kapulisan. Wala nang Mira-Miranda rights sa hulihan! Diretso agad sa kulungan! ‘Wag ka lang manlalaban or else… condolence na lang! (APPLAUSE)

Marami ang nagsasabi, pinapatay ng kapulisan ang mga pusher at addict. Hindi raw nabibigyan ng pagkakataong ma-reform ang mga nalulong sa drugs. Liar! Hindi ba’t binigyan ko ng second chance si Ka Freddie Aguilar? (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Matapos ang eleksyon, nanawagan akong simulan ang healing sa buong bansa. Anuman ang naging kasalanan, dapat nang magkapatawaran. Nakinig naman ang Korte Suprema sa aking panawagan. Ayun… si GMA, pinakawalan. (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Noong isang linggo, nag-crack ang aspalto sa runway ng NAIA. Napamura ako. Sabi ko, “Pati ba naman runway nagdo-droga? Nagka-‘crack’ eh.” (NO REACTION)

Joke ‘yun. ‘Tang ina n’yo, tumawa kayo! (CANNED LAUGHTER/APPLAUSE)

Nang mag-crack ang NAIA runway, maraming pasahero ang naperwisyo. Maraming flights ang na-delay. Kaagad nag-sorry si Secretary Arthur Tugade. Meron ba kaming ibang sinisi? Wala. Baka sabihin naman ni Noynoy, wala kaming originality. (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Natutuwa rin ako dahil last week sa Pampanga… halos limampung miyembro ng New People’s Army ang nagsisuko. Bakit pa nga naman sila lalaban sa gobyerno kung mga kaalyado na nila ang nakaupo? (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Nalulungkot ako kapag may mga kababayan tayong umaalis at iniiwan ang kanilang mga mahal sa buhay. Ipinapangako ko, gagawa kami ng paraan upang sa susunod na mga taon ay wala nang umalis. Wala nang mang-iiwan. Maraming salamat nga pala sa tulong ng Sandiganbayan. Naglabas ito ng hold departure order laban sa mag-amang Binay! Walang aalis! Walang mang-iiwan! (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Humahanga tayo sa mga Pilipinong doble ang pagsisikap upang umunlad ang kanilang pamumuhay. Hindi sila nakukuntento sa iisang trabaho. Nasa Senado na, magboboksing pa. Manny Pacquiao, mabuhay ka! (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Baka sabihin n’yo puro masasamang balita ang lumalabas tungkol sa bansa: droga, shootout, extrajudicial killings. Pwes, pagandahin natin! Ngayong darating na 2017, ang Miss Universe pageant dito gaganapin! (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Ayaw ko namang magyabang pero mula nang kami ay maupo, hindi pa nasisira ang MRT o LRT. Wala pa naman kaming ginagawang bago. Divine intervention siguro ‘yan. Dasal lang talaga, dasal lang. (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Kahapon, may nabasa ako sa Internet. Bakit daw ang lagi lang nilang nakikita sa balita: “Pusher ako, ‘wag tularan.” Bakit daw walang, “Corrupt ako, ‘wag tularan!” Napaisip ako. May point nga naman. So, bakit ‘di natin sampolan? Sa hapong ito… bibigyan ko ng pagkakataong sumuko ang mga corrupt na nasa Batasan. Huwag n’yong hintaying tawagin ko ang inyong mga pangalan. Pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng aking speech, lahat ng corrupt, maiiwan! (NO REACTION)

‘Tang ina n’yo! Palakpak naman d’yan! (APPLAUSE)

* * * * *

Bago ako tuluyang magtapos, maraming salamat nga pala sa 91 percent na nagtitiwala sa akin at nagmamahal. Sa 9 percent na ‘di nagtitiwala, wala akong pakialam sa inyo mga Liberal! (APPLAUSE)

Hangang dito na lamang at Mabuhay ang Pilipinas! (APPLAUSE/STANDING OVATION)
————————————————————————————————————————————-
“Some things you don’t have to promise. You just do.”
~Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

Sound Bites
“I denounce in the highest possible terms this latest demolition job linking me to maximum security inmate Jaybee Sebastian or to any other convicted or suspected drug lord or operator now or in the past. May I suggest for Calida to stop his fixation on ‘Throwback Thursday’ photos of me, and instead just start doing his real job of reading the 501-page decision on the West Philippine Sea case.”
~Sen. Leila De Lima on the latest demolition job against her

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Duterte: Philstar.com; Victim: DZMM Teleradyo]





SUSPECTED, SUSPECDEAD

19 07 2016

LAST WEEK, suspected drug lord Peter Lim sought audience with no less than President Duterte to deny his reported involvement in the illegal drugs trade. Netizens cry double standard in the government’s war against illegal drugs. They noted, “‘Pag mahirap ang suspek, patay agad pero ‘pag mayaman, nakikipag-meeting pa sa pangulo.”

The president’s spokesman Martin Andanar quickly denied the allegation.

1DUTERTELim
Peter Lim: Hindi ako drug lord!

Palace: Kay Presidente ka na lang magpaliwanag.

Peter Lim: Ayaw ko nga! Eh kung patayin ako nun?

Palace: Mayaman ka ba o mahirap?

Peter Lim: Mayaman.

Palace: You’re safe.

* * *

Lalaki sa Looban: Hindi ako pusher!

Pulis: Bang!

Lalaki sa Looban:

Pulis: Pasensya. Nanlaban ka eh. Wala akong choice.

* * *

Peter Lim: Hindi ako drug lord!

Palace: Kay Presidente ka na magpaliwanag.

Peter Lim: Si Presidente talaga ang haharap sa akin?!?

Palace: Ayaw mo?!? Choosy?

Peter Lim: Hindi. Excited lang.

* * *

Lalaki sa Kanto: Hindi ho ako pusher sir! Hindi ako pusher!

Pulis: Sa presinto ka na magpaliwanag!

Lalaki sa Kanto: Pwede ho bang kay Presidente na lang?

Pulis: Ambisyoso! Addict ka! Addict!

FullSizeRender
Peter Lim: Hindi ho ako drug lord!

Duterte: Ipapapatay kita ‘pag may nakuha akong ebidensya. Right now, submit yourself to an investigation.

Peter Lim: Hindi mo ako papatayin ngayon sir? Hindi totoo ang banta mo dati?

Duterte:

Peter Lim: Nagtatanong lang sir. Aalis na po ako. Thanks.

* * *

Suspek: Hindi ho ako pusher sir! Hindi ako pusher.

Pulis: Bang!

Suspek: Agad-agad?!?

Pulis: Lumalaban ka pa huh! Bang!

Suspek:

Pulis: Dapat kasi nakikinig kayo sa balita. Ang sabi ng ating pangulo, “I’m the President. I don’t give due process.” Pasensyahan, ‘di ka yata na-inform.

* * *

Peter Lim: Hindi ho ako drug lord!

Duterte: Sa NBI ka na magpaliwanag. Go!

Peter Lim: Go na talaga? As in… I can go? I’m free?!

Duterte:

Peter Lim: Nililinaw ko lang sir. [THANK YOU LORD!!!]

* * *

Pulis: Dapa. Dapa!

Tambay: Hindi ho ako pusher sir! Maawa kayo. Hindi ako pusher! Pakawalan n’yo ako!

Pulis: Anong pangalan mo?

Tambay: Peter sir. Peter Lim.

Pulis:

Tambay: Subok lang sir. Baka sakaling makalusot. Who knows ‘di ba?

New App
The Philippine National Police will activate a text hotline called “Text Bato.” A new Smartphone app which will allow ordinary Filipinos to send messages directly to PNP Chief Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa will also be launched soon. The app is called “Itaga mo sa Bato,” which was shorter and catchier than the original suggestion, “Bato, bato sa langit, ang tamaan… nanlaban.”
________________________________________________________________________________________
“I guess the only time most people think about injustice is when it happens to them.”
~ Charles Bukowski, Ham on Rye

Worst Attendance
Official records show Manny Pacquiao attended only one session during the third and final regular session of the 16th Congress. When asked to justify his absences, Pacquiao said, “Colossians 2:5 For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit.”

Sound Bites
“I know that I’m now a subject of incessant vicious attacks in the social media. But I don’t intend to dignify them by probing into who’s behind them and why.”
~Sen. Leila De Lima on the viral video which showed her in a party with QC Rep. Alfred Vargas who was maliciously identified by idiots as detained drug lord Herbert Colangco

Say no to drugs.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Malacañang]





TRUSTED, TESTED

14 07 2016

1WSJ
AN INTERNATIONAL tribunal in The Hague ruled in favor of the Philippines in a maritime dispute. Beijing rejected the ruling saying it will continue to assert “territorial sovereignty and marine rights” in the South China Sea. Meanwhile, China thanked its allies in the region for their continued support namely Cambodia, Laos, and Foreign Affairs secretary Perfecto Yasay Jr.

Defiant
A United Nations-backed tribunal in The Hague has voted in favor of the Philippines in its maritime dispute with China. But a defiant Beijing refuses to accept the decision. Or as that’s also called here in the Philippines, the Bongbong Marcos Syndrome.

Charged
Former vice president Jejomar Binay has been formally charged with graft, falsification of public documents, and violation of the Government Procurement Act in connection with the alleged overpriced P2.2-billion Makati parking building. As expected, Binay’s spokesman Joey Salgado attacked Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales and accused her of protecting the people of Liberal Party – curiously forgetting there’s no one left in the Liberal Party.

Excellent
In the June 2016 survey of SWS, President Duterte obtained a net trust rating of 79 percent. Malacañang says the excellent rating is encouraging and vows to work double time to meet its goal: a good life for every Filipino, and the afterlife for every criminal.

Trusted
According to a recent SWS survey, 84 percent of Filipinos showed “much trust” in President Duterte. In another survey, 100 percent of Filipino-Chinese showed “much trust” in DFA Sec. Perfecto Yasay Jr.

Drug Test
Earlier this week, Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri underwent a drug test at the Senate and appealed to his fellow civil servants to do the same. When asked for comment, Cong. Toby Tiangco said, “’Pag drugs, ako agad?!? Automatic?!?”

1DuterteVolunteer
Volunteer
An alleged drug pusher identified through his ID as a volunteer for the Duterte campaign last elections was recently killed by cops in Zamboanga City. The Duterte supporter’s death has been ruled as a “suicide.”

Pacquiao
Quoting Top Rank promoter Bob Arum, several online reports say Manny Pacquiao plans to take a leave from the Philippine Senate to train for a possible bout either on Oct. 29 or November 5 contrary to his promise during the campaign he’d take his legislative work more seriously if elected. Interestingly, the online reports have the same headline: Told yah!

Pacquiao II
On Wednesday morning though, Manny Pacquiao denied reports he’s taking a leave of absence to resume his boxing career. So, no, he won’t leave the Senate. Tsk, sayang.

1Phone
Just Married
A 34-year-old man named Aaron Chervenak wed his phone in Las Vegas. Chervenak says the best thing about his new ‘wife’ is that it doesn’t have a mother.

A man from LA married his cellphone in a ceremony in Las Vegas, Nevada. The man vowed to stick it out with his phone for better, for worse, for richer, for pooer, in sickness and health, ‘til drained do them part.

A man married his cellphone in Las Vegas, Nevada. But like many other marriages, they’ll probably separate and the man will “upgrade.”

1BJD
Pic of the Weak
Lani Mercado posted this photo of character actor Dick Israel who recently visited plunder suspects Bong Revilla and Jinggoy Estrada. Dick and the dicks.

Furlough
The Sandiganbayan allowed Bong Revilla to leave his detention cell to visit his dentist. The court granted Bong’s request after seeing his photo with Dick Israel and realizing that a sparkling smile is necessary for future photo ops.
———————————————————————————————————————————————
“I would rather be a little nobody, then to be a evil somebody.”
~Abraham Lincoln

Soundbites
“Kababae mong tao, pa-shot shot ka? Anong suot mo? Naka-shorts ka, ’no?”
~Tito Sotto to an ‘Eat Bulaga’ contestant who revealed she was taken advantage of by her husband’s friends because she was drunk

Some things never change.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Wall Street Journal; Drug Suspect: ABSCBN News; Bong/Jinggoy: Lani Mercado; Phone Wedding: Daily Mail-UK]





BABALA: NAKAMAMATAY

8 07 2016

1luigiq
CONGRESSMAN Toby Tiangco has filed House Bill 412: An act providing for a ‘No work, No pay’ policy for members of Congress. When sought for their reaction, neophyte solon Geraldine Roman said, “Tama ‘yon!” Congresswoman Vilma Santos replied, “Kung hindi ka magtatrabaho, bakit ka babayaran?” And Sen. Manny Pacquiao said, “Inaano ko ba kayo?!”

Suspects
Cause of death and manner of death are two different terms used by forensic scientists. To differentiate, let’s use as example the recent cases of drug-related deaths in the Philippines. The ‘cause of death’ is gunshot wound – and the ‘manner of death’ is ‘nanlaban.’

1Nanlaban
During the campaign, then presidential candidate Rodrigo Duterte vowed to kill five suspected criminals per week. Since June 30 or in just 8 days, there have been 72 drug-related killings already in the country. Duterte has overachieved.

Noon
Pulis: Alam kong nand’yan ka lang sa loob ng iyong bahay! Bibigyan kita ng sampung minuto! Sumuko ka na kung ayaw mong masaktan!

Suspek: Susuko na po! Susuko na!

Ngayon
Pulis: Alam kong nand’yan ka lang sa loob ng iyong bahay! Bibigyan kita ng sampung minuto!

Suspek: Susuko na po! Susuko na!

Pulis: Tanga! Hindi kita pinasusuko. Gusto kong manlaban ka! Now na!

* * * * *

Noon
Pulis: Sakay! Bilis! Dadalhin ka namin sa presinto! Upo nang maayos! Huwag kang gagalaw d’yan kung ayaw mong masaktan.

Suspek: Opo sir.

Ngayon
Pulis: Sakay! Bilis! Dadalhin ka namin sa presinto! Upo nang maayos!

Suspek: Opo sir, hindi ako gagalaw.

Pulis: Tanga! Gumalaw ka! Mang-agaw ka ng baril. Bilis!

Exposed
President Duterte has named five police generals with alleged ties to drug lords. The list includes retired Chief Supt. Vicente Loot who is now the mayor of Daanbantayan town in northern Cebu. The general who has a net worth of more than 100 million pesos has issued a denial but the people find it hard to accept mainly because of his last name.

1Kat
Rewarded
Two of the most visible supporters of President Duterte during the campaign were TV host Kat De Castro and comedian Arnell Ignacio. De Castro has been appointed Tourism undersecretary while Ignacio has been named AVP for the community relation and services department of Pagcor. Congratulations! Hopefully, these appointments will help end speculations that De Castro and Ignacio will be officially declared Mga Pambansang Anino.

There’s no truth to tasteless and sexist rumors though that Mocha Uson will be appointed director of the National Meat Inspection Service.

1luigiq
#DOTAPaMore
In Cebu, two Mandaue City Hall employees were fired after they were photographed playing DOTA while on duty. Unfortunately, the lowly employees have realized that playing online games at work won’t be tolerated – unless your name is Juan Ponce Enrile.

Bong’s Teeth
Detained former senator Bong Revilla has asked the Sandiganbayan to allow him to undergo dental procedures for three days this month. The procedures include panoramic radiograph and composite fillings. Last April 11, Revilla was given permission to go to the hospital for a CT scan of his teeth – contrary to rumors he had a CT scan of his brain which wasn’t necessary because compared to his teeth, it is rarely used.

Smallest
A recent study published in the Journal of Female Health Sciences revealed Filipina women have the smallest breasts. Meanwhile, a separate study published in the Journal of Male Health Sciences revealed Filipino men are the loneliest husbands.
____________________________________________________________________________
“Death kills you once; worry kills you every day.”
~Marty Rubin

Sound Bites
“Ordinary workers are paid on a ‘no work, no pay’ basis, and it doesn’t make them feel humiliated. Why should their payment scheme be different from ours?”
~Cong. Toby Tiangco reacting to Senator Lacson’s comment that the ‘no work, no pay’ bill is demeaning to lawmakers

“Para sa akin, ‘yung bitay, mas ano pa. Kasi yung lethal injection, ano naman may rules din ba, or may batas din ang mga doctors na bawal din silang pumatay ng tao.”
~Manny Pacquiao on the reimposition of death penalty

#whut?!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: No Work, No Pay: Keep Calm-o-Matic.UK; Kat and Arnell: DOTA Boys: Mayor Luigi Quisumbing]





HOTLINE, DRUG ADDICTS, BREXIT, AND OTHER STORIES

28 06 2016

1pdi
INCOMING PRESIDENT Rodrigo Duterte says he will set up 12 phone lines where people can directly call to report corruption in government. This early, Duterte is apologizing to potential callers because all 12 lines will be very busy.

Scenarios
Hotline: Office of the President, ano pong maitutulong namin?

Caller: ‘Yong aming congressman, magnanakaw.

Hotline: May pruweba ho ba kayo?

Caller: ‘Di ba ‘pag congressman, magnanakaw naman talaga? Nabago na ba?

* * * * *

Hotline: Office of the President, ano pong maitutulong namin?

Customs Official:

Hotline: Hello?!? Office of the President, may isusumbong ho ba kayo?

Customs Official:

Hotline: (ibinaba ang telepono)

Customs Official: ‘Tang ina, totoo nga.

* * * * *

Hotline: Good morning, sa Office of the President po ito, ano pong isusumbong n’yo?

Caller: Pwede bang malaman ang number ni Mocha Uson?

Hotline: Hindi ho ito directory.

Caller: Wala pa ring pagbabago sa gobyerno! Wala kayong silbi! Bye!

1Brexit
In a decision that shocked the international community, 52 percent of voters in the United Kingdom chose to leave the European Union. Analysts say leading advocates of Brexit succeeded because of their promise to eradicate criminality in 3 to 6 months.

Lost
He urged his countrymen to vote ‘Remain’ and campaigned really hard to win but British Prime Minister David Cameron still lost. He will step down soon, take a break, and probably, spend some quality time with his nephews, Josh and Bimby Cameron.

Wrong
In a referendum to decide whether the UK should leave or stay as a member of the European Union, survey firms predicted that 52 percent will vote Remain and 48 percent will vote Leave. They were wrong! The final vote showed 52 percent opted to ‘Leave’ and 48 percent voted to Remain. When sought for a reaction, London-based student Sandro Marcos says he respects the result of the election because the numbers totaled 100 percent.

Brexit Aftermath
In Scotland, where the ‘Remain’ vote prevailed, people are talking about leaving the United Kingdom through another referendum. In London, residents are calling for a referendum to decide whether Tom Hiddleston should leave or remain with Taylor Swift.

Critical
President Aquino was the guest of honor and commencement speaker at the recent Ateneo De Manila University graduation ceremony. The outgoing president encouraged the graduates to be critical. A skill he has mastered as president at the expense of the previous administration.

1kORINA
The Graduate
Journalist and ex-future First Lady Korina Sanchez is also a member of Class 2016. She just finished her master’s degree in journalism at the Ateneo De Manila University. In an interview before the elections, the feisty broadcaster said, taking higher studies wasn’t just to gain more knowledge but “a way to discipline my mind.” Said Anderson Cooper, “Good to know.”

Drug Addicts
Citing government data, incoming president Rodrigo Duterte says there are around 3 million drug addicts in the country. He explains not all drug addicts can be put in jail or rehab at the same time. Mostly awake at night, many of them roam the streets, jam with fellow addicts, or attend rave parties sponsored by a toothpaste brand.

Platform
Incoming president Rodrigo Duterte says his government is for the helpless, the hopeless, and the defenseless. And to prove this, he’ll continue doing what he has started in Davao City: wage war against suspected criminals who are helpless, hopeless, and defenseless.

1JonSnowGame of Thrones
Fans of the highly-acclaimed HBO series, ‘Game of Thrones’ are still talking about the epic Season 6 finalé. One of the show’s highlights was when supporters of Jon Snow declared him ‘King in the North’ prompting Bongbong Marcos to file a protest.

Draw
The highly-publicized URCC bout between actors Kiko Matos and Baron Geisler ended in a draw. Spectators who thought Matos dominated the fight were surprised by the result. Even more surprising was the fact that many people took this gimmickry seriously.
———————————————————————————————————————————————–
“In war, truth is the first casualty.”
~Aeschylus

Sound Bites
“I think that the Church not only should apologize to a gay person whom it offended but it must also apologize to the poor as well, to the women who have been exploited, to children who have been exploited by (being forced to) work. It must apologize for having blessed so many weapons.”
~Pope Francis

Winter is here.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Inquirer.net; Brexit: ICEF Monitor; Korina Sanchez, IG]





BATTLE OF THE BASTARDS

22 06 2016

GAME OF THRONES followers witnessed yet another epic battle on the hit HBO series. Scenes from the ‘Battle of the Bastards’ episode spawned a number of online materials that have gone viral. Here are some of my own GOT inspired memes.

Fight on.
1Jon Snow

Moving on.
1Rickon

Interests.
1GinaLopez

Ambition.
1Baelish

Going Solo.
2

Limited.
1MEETING

The Office.
1BoracayLeniJoy

Deadline.
1WunWun

Reality.
1Millennials

Mission.
3
——————————————————————————————————————————–
“The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.”
~David Friedman

Sound Bites
“That moment right there happened, and I was like ‘ok, I’m fine.’ And all I was thinking about in the back of my mind was Mamba mentality. Just Mamba mentality, that’s all I was thinking.”
~Kyrie Irving, on making the crucial shot that won the NBA championship for the Cleveland Cavaliers

Love life.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





ERRONEWS

16 06 2016

1salabs
IN A STRONGLY-WORDED statement, UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon condemns President-elect Rodrigo Duterte’s “apparent endorsement of extrajudicial killings.” Atty. Salvador Panelo blames “incorrect news reports” for the UN leader’s “wrong perception” and explains, “The President-elect has not endorsed, cannot and will never endorse extrajudicial killings.” To those asking, Atty. Salvador Panelo is the incoming presidential sanitizer.

Imaginary Q&A
Reporter: Sabi n’yo po wala kayong sakit. May medical report ho ba kayong maipapakita?

Duterte: Tang-ina, bastos ka ah! How is the vagina of your wife? Is it smelly? Or not smelly? Give me the report.

Panelo: Ang sabi po ng ating president-elect, mahalagang pagtuunan ng pansin ang kalusugan ng kababaihan. Healthy body, healthy mommy, healthy baby. That’s the essence of being a woman. Thank you.

* * *

Reporter: Hashtag ElNiñoLaNiña…

Duterte: El Niño, La Niña. ‘Tang ina, ‘di pa nga ako tapos sa el snatcher at la droga, bibigyan n’yo pa ako ng panibagong problema. Sige! Kayo na rito. Bwisit!

Panelo: Ang sabi po ng ating president-elect, hindi niya pwedeng ipagwalang-bahala ang bantang dulot ng climate change. Isa ‘yan sa kanyang tututukan kapag nasa palasyo na. Thank you.

* * *

Reporter: Ano pong masasabi n’yo sa pambabatikos ng mga obispo?

Duterte: Putang ina nila! Ipokrito sila!

Panelo: Ang sabi po ng ating president-elect, dapat maging open ang Simbahan sa mga pagbabago sa ating lipunan. Thank you.

Development
Lawyer Salvador Panelo will no longer be appointed as presidential spokesperson. Reports quoted Duterte as saying Panelo’s assignment as spokesman was temporary. Sought for a reaction, Panelo said, “Ang sabi po ng ating president-elect, napakahusay kong abogado para lang maging tagapagsalita. Thank you.”

1mateenOrlando Massacre
The US is still in shock following the murder of 49 people in Orlando by a lone shooter identified as Omar Mateen. Former classmates and co-workers described Mateen as an angry, stubborn, trashtalking man who always talked about killing. In other words, he had the potential to become president.

Lost
Defeated vice presidential candidate Ferdinand ‘Bongbong’ Marcos Jr. is incensed. In a recent statement, he spoke about vote buying, vote manipulation, and election fraud. Which sounded familiar because, as it turned out, he was reading from a document called, ‘The Martial Law Years.’

Accusing the administration of cheating in the last elections, Bongbong Marcos said, “Napakawalanghiya ang pagkagawa sa pambabastos at pagbabalewala sa boses ng taumbayan.” Or as his father would say, “Note to self.”

Drug Test
Incoming House speaker Pantaleon Alvarez is open to the idea of requiring lawmakers to take a drug test when the 17th Congress opens next month. In totally unrelated news, Jules Ledesma is really glad his term is over.

Outgoing
Negros Occidental Rep. Jules Ledesma is a three-termer solon. We won’t be seeing him in the upcoming 17th Congress just as we didn’t see him in the 14th, 15th and 16th Congresses.

1Demonyo
Evil
There’s a currently popular online test called, “Gaano ka kademonyo” that ‘calculates’ how “evil” a Facebook user is. I took the test for fun and the result showed I was 234 percent evil. A friend was “more evil” at 285 percent. When President-elect Rodrigo Duterte took the test, he got this reply, “Thank you for taking the test. No need to calculate… Master.”
—————————————————————————————————————————-
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
~Mark Twain

Sound Bites
“I long for the day when the LGBT community no longer has to live in fear of discrimination and hate crimes.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago (She turned 71 on June 15. Happy birthday Senator!)

“Love makes us strong. Love gives us the courage to act. Love gives us hope that change is possible. Love allows us to change the script. So love your country. Love your family. Love the families and the victims and the people of Orlando, but let’s remember that love is a verb. And to love means to do something.”
~Stephen Colbert on the Orlando club massacre

Love will always win.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Panelo: ABSCBN News; Mateen: fox News]





ALARMING, SUSPICIOUS TREND

11 05 2016

1ddd
THE PEOPLE have spoken. Mayor Rodrigo Duterte will be our next president. He leads his rivals by a wide margin according to PPCRV’s quick count. Let’s respect the will of the people and allow the new president to effect change in our country and on the behavior of his most rabid supporters, hopefully.

Congratulations to some of the people behind the successful election campaign of Mayor Duterte: Carlos Dominguez, Peter Laviña, Butch Ramirez, and online political strategist, Mocha Uson.

1BBMGMA
The VP Race
When the quick count for vice president showed that Cong. Leni Robredo has overtaken Sen. Bongbong Marcos, the Marcos camp accused Robredo and the administration of cheating. They haven’t shown any proof of cheating but they sounded so sure because, you know, they’re experts on the subject.

The PPCRV says there’s no reason to terminate their election quick count. Earlier, Bongbong Marcos called for a stop to the quick count citing an “alarming and suspicious trend.” This “alarming and suspicious trend” was later identified as ‘bitterness.’

1Sandro
Alarming
On Twitter, City University London student Sandro Marcos, son of Bongbong Marcos accused the administration of cheating because the total number of votes for president and vice president were not identical. Apparently, for the young Marcos, the tally for both president and vice president must match. Political observers describe Sandro as young, brave, and a complete waste of our taxes.

1mISSINGVOTES
Alarming, Too
Marcos loyalists and supporters have been posting and sharing images that questioned the tally for vice president. They computed the difference between the votes for president and vice president and concluded that those votes were “missing.” Experts call this mindset the ‘Sandro Marcos Syndrome.’

Mistake
In Laoag City, Bureau of Election Inspectors said Sandro Ferdinand Marcos, son of vice presidential candidate Bongbong Marcos committed a mistake when he voted for two candidates for president. This voting error and that tweet reflect an “alarming trend.”

Last Monday, Sandro Ferdinand Marcos made a mistake when he voted for two presidents. To be fair, that was nothing compared to the mistake committed by Filipinos when they voted for his father to be the country’s vice president.

According to an Inquirer report, when Sandro Marcos was asked by the media about the “mistake,” the City University London student DENIED that he encountered problems with his ballot. And Bongbong Marcos was like, “Anak nga kita.”

Roxas, Poe Concede
After conceding to Mayor Duterte, the first thing that Mar Roxas did Tuesday afternoon was to eat a hamburger in a burger joint along Katipunan Avenue. In a press conference the night before, Sen. Grace Poe also conceded. The first thing that she did after conceding was to stand up and leave her chair.

Confident
After voting on Monday morning, Vice President Binay announced that he has drafted his victory speech. Binay is confident he will emerge victorious… against Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago.

After voting in San Antonio High School in Makati City, Vice President Binay, who has not tasted defeat in an election, said he would remain undefeated after Monday’s polls. In Makati.

1abby
30 Years and Counting
Abby Binay has won as mayor of Makati. She is the fourth member of the Binay family to hold that position since 1986 after her father, her mother, and her brother, Junjun. To be fair, siblings Nancy, Junjun and Abby Binay are willing to let others occupy the highest post in the city. But their children are still too young for that.

Close
The race for vice president between Sen. Bongbong Marcos and Cong. Leni Robredo is neck-and-neck. Meanwhile, the battle for the No. 1 position in the senatorial race between Joel Villanueva and Sen. Frank Drilon is also neck-and- , I mean, tight.

Pacquiao
Pacquiao started at No. 9 in the PPCRV quick count. He’s now at No. 7. Talk about an alarming trend.

More than 15 million Filipinos voted for Manny Pacquiao, the Lower House’s top absentee, to become senator. Who among you, dear readers, voted for him? Please raise your right hand. Then slap yourself.

Winning, Finally
Women’s rights advocate Risa Hontiveros is currently in 8th place in the race for senator. This is her third attempt. To prepare for this, she consulted her family, some women’s groups, and Pia Wurtzbach.
————————————————————————————————————————–
“You can never achieve greatness until you can leave bitterness behind.”
~Debasish Mridha

Sound Bites
“Let me tell you: this is not a time for tears. For our country, we have had a peaceful successful transfer of power. It’s not about me. It’s not about anyone. It’s about how we love our country and how we’ll do all that we can can for her. She’s the only one.”
~Sec. Mar Roxas

“Kagabi, inihanda ko na ang victory speech namin dahil sa palagay ko, tulad ng nakita ninyo, na mga kasama kong nag-ikot ikot ay talagang mananalo tayo.”
~Vice President Binay

#LabanLeni

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Asia Pacific.anu.edu.au; BBM: Philippine Star, Sandro Marcos on Twitter; BBM Supporters; Abby Binay: Inquirer.net]





NOTES ON A DEBATE

21 03 2016

1PD2
THE SECOND presidential debate took place Sunday in Cebu City. #PilipinasDebates2016 started 90 minutes late though because Vice President Binay refused to follow one debate rule: No cheating.

Vice President Binay wanted to bring some notes and documents to the stage during the debate. But it was against the rules. Binay insisted however that five days earlier, he was allowed to do so by the event’s media partner, TV5. Apparently, there had been some sort of miscommunication between the Binay camp and Comelec Chair Luchi Cruz-Valdes.

To be fair to Luchi Cruz-Valdes, she handled the snafu like a pro. She immediately apologized for the mistake and took responsibility for it. Said President Aquino, “Pwede pala ‘yon?!?”

Nancy Binay was spotted outside the venue before the debate started. When quizzed by reporters about the delay, Nancy Binay said she didn’t know what was happening. Among many other things.

After the debate, moderator Luchi Cruz-Valdes requested the candidates to stay for a few minutes because Comelec Chairman Andy Bautista, TV5 CEO Noel Lorenzana, and UP President Alfredo Pascual wanted to congratulate them. Duterte, Poe, and Roxas stayed. But Binay immediately walked out – leaving the stage just as he arrived: like a true diva.

Goebbels
Reacting to the corruption issues raised by Mar Roxas and Grace Poe, Vice President Binay said the two were “disciples of Goebbels,” master propagandist of Hitler’s Nazi regime. Just so you know, it was Goebbels who was quoted to have said, “If you tell a Binay lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.”

1debate 1
In case you missed it, here’s the transcript of the most heated portions of the debate.

Binay vs. Poe
Binay: Hindi ka Filipino!

Poe: Hindi ako nangulimbat!

Binay: Grabe ka namang magbintang. Parang na-convict na ako ah!

Poe: Sinabi ko bang ikaw ang nangulimbat? Nagbanggit ba ako ng pangalan?!

Binay: ‘Sensya naman. Akala ko kasi ako ang tinutukoy mo. So sino?

Poe: Tanga! Ikaw nga ‘yon. Helllllo??!! May iba pa ba. #asa

Binay vs Roxas
Roxas: Pati kama at iba pang gamit sa ospital, overpriced sabi ng COA!

Binay: Hindi overpriced ‘yan. We are entitled sa mamahaling gamit. Taga-Makati kami! Sosyalin!

Roxas: Pati building, bawat square meter, overpriced sabi ng COA.

Binay: Paulit-ulit ka ng bintang! Disipulo ka ni Goebbels!

Roxas: Paulit-ulit ka rin ng deny! Spell ‘Goebbels!’

Binay: Huwag mong ibahin ang usapan. Balik tayo sa overpricing.

Duterte vs. Roxas vs. Binay
Duterte: You’re a fraud! Sabi mo graduate ka ng Wharton, hindi ka taga-Wharton!

Roxas: Malinaw na malinaw, Wharton na po ang nagsabi. Nagtapos ako doon.

Binay: Digong, baka naman umattend ‘yan ng seminar sa Wharton. Hihihi

Roxas: Sandali, ito nga pala ang sabi ng COA sa overpriced school building sa Makati.

Binay: Ba’t ba ako nasali d’yan?! Oras mo ‘yan Digong. Go! Kaya mo na ‘yan!

Poe vs. Roxas
Poe: ‘Pag kaalyado, selective justice ang pinaiiral n’yo!

Roxas: Hindi ‘yan totoo! Kaalyado man o hindi, kinakasuhan kapag mali!

Poe: Si Jun Abaya ng DOTC, nasa puwesto pa rin until now kahit napakaraming kapalpakan!

Roxas:

Poe: Si Jun Abaya ng DOTC, nasa puwesto pa rin until now kahit napakaraming kapalpakan!

Roxas: Paulit-ulit? Nasabi mo na ‘di ba?

Duterte vs. Poe
Duterte: Kapag bigla kang ginising isang gabi dahil nagkakaputukan na sa Spratlys, ano ang una mong gagawin?

Poe: Babangon muna siyempre.

Duterte:

Poe:

Duterte: ‘Yan tayo eh. Duterte… 3 points! Hihihi

Roxas vs. Duterte
Duterte: Kung hindi ka handang pumatay o mamatay, hindi ka puwedeng mag-presidente!

Roxas: Mahihirap lang ang pinapatay mo! Wala kang binanggang kriminal o corrupt na mayaman.

Duterte: Ah ganun? Gusto mong pakitaan kita ngayon ng sample? Pwes…

Binay: Hoy Luchi… Luchi! Hindi ka ba aawat? Time is up na yata si Digong!

Poe vs. Binay Part 2
Poe: Suportado natin ang FOI Bill na may ngipin!

Binay: Sus! Kapag ako ang naging pangulo, maglalabas ako ng executive order on Freedom of Information Bill! Gano’n kabilis!

Poe: Agad-agad? Sige nga, kung suportado n’yo ang FOI Bill, nasaan ho sina Ebeng Baloloy at Gerry Limlingan?

Binay: Ang sabi ko, “KAPAG ako ang naging pangulo…” May qualifier! ‘Di ka ba nakikinig!?
—————————————————————————————————————————–
“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.”
~Albert Einstein

Sound Bites
“Oops, alam mo, we are entitled to buy mamahalin kasi we have the best practice.”
~Vice President Binay on overpriced hospital equipment

“Ang kailangan siyempre bilang presidente ay bumangon agad. Hindi naman pwedeng mamaya na ‘yan, mamayang alas-singko, mamayang alas-sais. Mabilis na babangon ang presidente.”
~Sen. Grace Poe’s answer to Mayor Duterte’s question: Ano ang una mong gagawin kapag, isang gabi, ginising ka at sinabing nagkakaputukan na sa Spratlys?

“Ang hirap sa ‘yo Mar, you are a pretentious leader.”
~Mayor Duterte

“Ang isang ultrasound set na P1.3 million sa bill of particulars nang simulant ang project. Pero ang aktwal na binili n’yo, P8 million!”
~Mar Roxas on anomalous Makati City spending under Binay’s watch

Enjoy your summer break!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: TV5 Manila and State of the Nation/GMA]





TAKE 2: I QUIT

12 03 2016

FOR THE SECOND TIME, presidential sister Kris Aquino announces she is quitting show business. Which was a bit anticlimactic ‘coz after ‘Etiquette for Mistresses’ and ‘All You Need Is Pag-ibig,’ we thought showbiz had already quit on her.

Kris Aquino leaving showbiz right NOW is like DJ Mbenga and Kwame Brown leaving the world champion Lakers.

1KRIS

With regard to her announcement, here’s Krissy’s latest statement:

“NAKAKALOKA. Hindi ko kinaya ang universe this week. Nag-conspire yata talaga para ‘di masyadong mapansin ang announcement ko. Irita ako ng slight, promise. Allow me to explain.

Ang totoo, Monday ko talaga dapat ipo-post sa Instagram ang decision ko to leave showbiz temporarily. (I know. I know. Second time na ‘to. Promise, this one’s for real.) Pero na-realize ko, Tuesday is International Women’s Day. ‘Di ba mas bongga? Mas relevant! So nag-compose muna ako ng post at hinintay kong mag-Tuesday!

The next day, Martes, maaga akong bumangon para i-post ang announcement ko. Medyo antok pa ang lola n’yo at may konting sinat pa pero keri lang. Post! So hinintay kong mag-comment ang followers ko. In fairness, marami-rami namang nalungkot. Sa isip-isip ko, “big news” ito later. Top story! “Multimedia queen, iiwan na ang showbiz!” Pak! Happy International Women’s Day to all!

Cut to: Around 3PM, I asked Darla to check the top trending topics on Twitter. I’m sure, nandun ako!

“Krissy, hindi pa masyadong pinag-uusapan ang announcement mo. Pero trending ‘yong Grace Poe!”

1GP
‘Yun pala, lumabas that same day ang decision ng Supreme Court on Grace Poe’s disqualification cases. Emosyonal ang senadora! Natural, siya ang bidang-bida!

Hay naku Atty. Theodore Te, wrong timing talaga kayo. Pwede namang Wednesday na lang inilabas ang decision ‘di ba! Bakit nakisabay ka pa!? Natabunan tuloy ang important announcement ko! I mean, hellloooooo! Halos dalawang dekada na akong napapanood sa TV ‘no! Eh si Grace Poe, wala pang 10 years sa Pilipinas, pinayagan lang tumakbo! Naku, ayaw nina Ate Koring at Dr. Elenita Binay ng ganyan! Promise!

Na-mention ko na rin lang si Korina, naloka naman ako kay Mar the other day. Sorry ‘Noy, but I have to make a comment lang. Kasi nga, Korina was present in a couple of Department of Agriculture events recently. Give ng cash here, give ng farming equipment there, winner ‘di ba? When a reporter asked Mar about it, napikon ang lolo n’yo. Hindi raw ba pwedeng mag-campaign for him si Korina na asawa naman niya. Naloka ako nang bongga. Of course pwede, Mar! Ano ka ba?! Pero ang isyu, bakit sa events pa ng Department of Agriculture? Ayan, na-compare tuloy siya kay Imelda. Ayaw ko nang habaan pa ang litanya dahil baka tumawag na naman si Ate Pinky. I’m sure, sasabihin niya, “Krissy! We’re on Mar’s side, LP tayo. Stop it na!” ‘K. Fine. Aha-ha-ha!

Going back to my announcement…
So ‘yun na nga. Natabunan na ako ng Grace Poe issue. ‘Buti na lang pinick-up ng ilang online news outlets ang IG posts ko; at least, kahit papa’no pinag-usapan pa rin naman ako. In Darla’s words. “Iingay pa ‘yan.” At sabi nga ni Alma, “Dasal lang. Dasal lang talaga.” So ‘yun na nga ang ginawa ko, I prayed.

1lrt
And then came Thursday! Dito na ako nainis nang bonggang-bongga. There’s this talkative boy in school uniform na nag-post ng video habang sakay sa LRT na open ang door! NAKAKALOKA! Hindi ko talaga kinaya. I mean, ‘yong talkative boy NOT the open door! Promise, naka-relate ako sa kanya. You know, the attention, the instant fame, and all. ‘Buti na lang at walang nagtulak sa kanya palabas. Ang ingay-ingay niya sa tren ‘no! Feeling siguro ni bagets, member siya ng Dauntless sa Divergent movie. Watch this para ma-gets n’yo.

Pero to be fair, mabuti na ring lumabas ang video ni talkative boy (na James pala ang name. Wow, what a coincidence!) I can’t imagine Bimby or Josh on a train na open ang door habang tumatakbo. I swear, magdedemanda ako! MAGDEDEMANDA AKO!

Going back to my announcement…
Nagpa-interview nga pala ako kay Jo-Ann Maglipon ng YES! Magazine about my decision to quit showbiz. Na-feature naman sa news ‘yong tungkol sa YES! interview ko last Friday so feeling ko finally… sa akin na ang focus. Eh biglang umeksena itong RCBC Branch Manager sa NAIA. Natabunan na naman ang interview ko! Imbey!

1RCBC
In case you missed it, ito ‘yon: Nagamit pala sa money laundering itong RCBC. Millions of dollars mula sa Bangladeshi government ang dinivert ng hackers sa bansa through RCBC! Grabe! I’m not sure lang kung alin ang mas shocking: ‘yong nagamit ang RCBC o ‘yong fact na may millions of dollars ang mga Bangladeshi. I’m sooo mean! I remember kasi this joke from the ‘90s: sa sobrang hirap daw ng Philippines, Bangladesh na lang ang ‘di natin natatalo. Ouch.

Anyway, may Senate hearing next week at invited itong si RCBC Branch Manager Maia Santos-Deguito. Pero kahapon, nag-attempt pala siyang umalis ng country. Malas lang niya dahil naalerto agad ng AMLC ang Bureau of Immigration. Ayun, kahit nakaupo na, pinababa pa rin siya ng plane. Ang sad. I think I’m gonna cry. Hu-hu-hu Pero bad ‘yang money laundering huh. Masisira ang good image ng Philippines na pinaghirapan pa naman ni ‘Noy. Good luck sa hearing!

1kk
Going back to my announcement…
Baka June na ako makabalik sa TV. Or July. Or earlier. I don’t know. Since election season naman at nasa candidates ang atensyon ng buong Pilipinas, disappear na muna ako. Pagbalik ko, hopefully… wala na si politics si Noy, at si Mar na ang presidente. Kung mamalasin, ‘yong taga-Makati. Or malay natin, isa uling babae. Naku, baka magalit sa akin ang mga taga-Davao. Sige na nga, isasama ko na si Mayor Duterte. Pero promise, ang corny nung Du30. It’s read as Du-thirty not Du-ter-te. Masyadong pilit eh.

To my fans, thank you for the love. Hindi naman ako mawawala totally eh. Ako pa?! Sa mga nag-send sa akin ng videos na umiiyak sila ‘tapos parang nagde-deliver ng eulogy, how morbid! Buhay pa ‘ko! Nakakaloka kayo! Mapapanood n’yo pa rin naman ako sa commercials ‘tapos mababasa n’yo pa rin regularly ang mga post ko sa IG na mas mahahaba pa kaysa sa Supreme Court decisions.

Promise, pagbalik ko, marami akong pasabog! Mas bongga! Mas winner! Mas pag-uusapan! I’m sure, viral material ang comeback interview ni Krissy! Unless, mag-post na naman ng kanyang documentary ‘yong talkative boy sa LRT! Kalurky!

Love. Love. Love.
1kk
—————————————————————————————————————————————
“When you become a celebrity, your shit becomes news.”
~M.F. Moonzajer

Sound Bites
“Just like all of you, I love my family. My most valuable life destiny is to be Mama to Kuya Josh and Bimby; and to be a loving, selfless sister to Ate Pinky, Noy, and Viel: a bunso who doesn’t give them constant worry because of my health and safety.”
~Kris Aquino

Elsewhere
“But in the face of yet another sterling opportunity for Binay to once and for all answer the charges squarely, he is again hedging and bellyaching. Unfortunately, even the COA that he had once depended on for official clearance now agrees: He has some explaining to do.”
~Philippine Daily Inquirer, Explain Already

Stay healthy.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kris Aquino: IG; Grace Poe: PhilStar.Com; RCBC: ABSCBN News; LRT: James Cubelo]





READY TO RUMBLE

12 01 2016

1DL
ON SUNDAY, January 10, the election period officially started. January 10 also marked the start of the 2016 election gun ban mainly to prevent Comelec Chairman Andy Bautista and Commissioner Rowena Guanzon from killing each other.

Campaign Period
Soon, moneyed candidates will visit cities, provinces, even the remotest barangays in the country to woo voters. Officially, it’s called “campaign period.” In the words of the CPP-NPA, it’s “business opportunity.”


Like!
Former Justice Secretary Leila De Lima just came out with probably one of the best political ads this election season. It depicted her tough stance against corruption. In the ad, a huge cage dropped over three shady characters, trapping them. As of Tuesday morning, the ad has been “liked” by 420 people. However, some 890 people have clicked the “dislike” button. And that’s just the members of the Revilla clan.

Dislike!
Former Justice Secretary Leila De Lima’s new TV ad is out. It’s awesome! Posted last Sunday on YouTube, the black and white ad has almost 90,000 views. As of Tuesday morning, 420 people have “liked” it. But more people – almost 900 “disliked” the ad. ‘K, fine! We’re not expecting you to like it anyway, Iglesia ni Cristo!

Furlough
Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla have asked the Sandiganbayan to allow them to attend the wake of TV host German ‘Kuya Germs’ Moreno. To be fair, the two actors, now detained for plunder, are really close to the Master Showman. Also, their political career and Kuya Germs have something in common. Dead.

1DL
Advisory
The Department of Trade and Industry and the Department of Health issued a joint statement saying “hoverboards” are inappropriate for kids 14 years old and below. But the two agencies clarified people who are 15 years old and above may use the popular ride if they don’t mind looking stupid.

Traslacion 2015
Two Black Nazarene devotees reportedly died during this year’s Traslacion. Reports say the fatalities joined the procession to pray for “a better life.” The Black Nazarene granted them “a better place.”

Probe
On Monday, Jan. 11, the House of Representatives conducted a hearing on the alleged irregularities in the recent Metro Manila Film Festival. Because you know, priorities.

1DL
In the hearing, ‘Honor Thy Father’ director, Erik Matti said, “The MMFF is only concerned about money and not in the welfare of the producers, the film workers and the taxpayers who support them each year.” To which, the congressmen replied, “Tell us something we don’t know.”

Personal Concern
In a recent Pulse Asia survey, three in five Filipinos cited “staying healthy” as their top “personal” concern. The other two refused to give up on love.

1DL
Fined
Comedian and frustrated politician Amay Bisaya was fined by the Comelec for his failure to submit his statement of campaign contributions during the May 2013 elections. Which begs the question, who, in his right mind, would contribute to Amay Bisaya’s election campaign?
—————————————————————————————————————————————————-
“I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.”
~Adlai Stevenson

Sound Bites
“I can go anytime. I’m here to help the president. If he tells me I have to go, I’ll go. This position is just a privilege.”
~Embattled DOTC Sec. Jun Abaya

“The people are still not used to disposing of their own trash during the procession.”
~ MMDA General Manager Cora Jimenez on the 367 tons of garbage along the route of this year’s Traslacion

Walang himala.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Gun Ban: Inquirer.Net; Hoverboard: Telegraph.UK; MMFF:MMDA; Amay Bisaya: FAP.Org]





SO RICH, SO POOR

8 01 2016

1Binay
Top Spender
According to the Nielsen Advertising Information Service, Vice President Binay is the biggest TV ad spender among the aspirants for president. From January to November 2015, Binay reportedly spent almost 600 million pesos for political ads. Again, that’s 600 million pesos! Or as the Vice President would say, “Maliit na bagay.”

Surge
Despite allegations of corruption, the Vice President’s trust and approval ratings even increased according to the latest survey conducted by Pulse Asia. Two survey questions were asked. One: “Do you still trust the Vice President?” And 2: “If yes, what’s wrong with you?”

Poor
According to the latest Social Weather Stations survey, 50 percent of respondents remain poor. The other half remain in denial.

Poor II
The latest SWS survey showed 50 percent of respondents considered themselves “mahirap” or poor. This, according to Business World, is the lowest in four years. Or as the Manila Times would rather banner, “11.2 million families remain poor.”

Twitter Limit
Twitter plans to allow longer tweets of up to 10,000 characters. The Binays are against the idea.

Reports say Twitter is planning to allow longer tweets of up to 10,000 characters – fueling rumors Twitter is planning to change its name to ‘Facebook.’

Reports say Twitter plans to allow longer tweets of up to 10,000 characters. Manny Pacquiao will soon be tweeting the four Gospels in full.

1Bagatsing
Last
For the third time, Manny Pacquiao is fighting Timothy Bradley. The Sarangani representative says the scheduled April 9 bout will not affect his work as a legislator. What work?

1C
Denied
The Sandiganbayan has junked detained senator Jinggoy Estrada’s petition for bail. Bong Revilla is asking Lani Mercado, his kids, and their supporters to pray harder.

Lucky
According to a feng shui expert, the luckiest animal signs this year are Rabbit, Snake and Rooster. The not-so-lucky are Tiger, Dog, and Jinggoy.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————
“Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.”
~Franklin D. Roosevelt

Sound Bites
“Wherefore, the motion for bail filed by… Estrada is denied after finding that the prosecution presented a strong evidence of guilt against him.”
~Sandiganbayan Fifth Division denying Jinggoy’s petition for bail

In Memoriam
German ‘Kuya Germs’ Moreno (1943-2016)
1KG

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: German Moreno: GMA News








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