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ROYAL WEDDING, BUHAY CARINDERIA, ATBP.

21 05 2018

RW
PRINCE HARRY and Meghan Markle exchanged vows at St. George’s Church in Windsor Castle. It was a spectacle that unified much of the country. But that’s nothing compared to the spectacle that is Rodrigo Duterte who wants to unify China and this country.

After the ceremony, Queen Elizabeth hosted a lunchtime reception at St. George’s Hall. The catering contract was apparently awarded to the Tulfo brothers through the help of Wanda Tulfo-Teo.

Later that night, the groom’s father, Prince Charles hosted a simpler yet elegant and more intimate dinner at nearby Frogmore House. But Charles was so frugal, food was served by Cesar Montano’s Buhay Carinderia clients – fully paid months before the event.

Celebrity A-listers, foreign royalty, religious figures as well as diplomats and politicians descended on Windsor for the royal occasion. Many people described the ceremony a “fairy tale wedding.” Kat De Castro described the event as “wrong timing.”

Reorganization
Speaking of fairy tales, Tito Sotto is going to be installed as Senate President soon. Let that sink in.

As its president, Tito Sotto says, he “will not allow the Senate to be degraded.” He forgot the word ‘further.’

Incoming Senate president Tito Sotto says, “I will not allow it to be degraded.” When sought for reaction, Manny Pacquiao said, “Hindi naman masakit.”

Bombers
Chinese long-range bombers have reportedly landed on the Paracel Islands in the South China Sea. Nearly all of the Philippines falls within the radius of the bombers. As of Sunday, May 20, Foreign Affairs Sec. Alan Peter Cayetano has not answered questions about the bombers. To be fair, Cayetano has finished drafting an official statement. He’s just seeking final approval from Beijing before releasing it.

PCGG
The Lower House voted to abolish the Presidential Commission on Good Government, the agency tasked to run after the Marcoses’ ill-gotten wealth. The PCGG’s functions will be transferred to the Office of Solicitor General Jose Calida, a known Marcos loyalist. Next up: the Lower House will target the abolition of the Dep’t. of Environment and Natural Resources and transfer its functions to the office of Cynthia and Manny Villar.

BPABS
Corruption
Newly-appointed Tourism secretary Bernadette Romulo-Puyat expressed shock over the alleged misuse of hundreds of millions of DOT funds by previous officials . When he heard this, Cesar Montano protested, “Correction please: hindi ako previous official!”

‘Buhay Carinderia’ is a video series aimed at promoting local food and eateries. Reports say the Tourism Promotions Board headed by chief operating officer Cesar Montano disbursed almost 90 percent of payment to the marketing agency although the project has not been completed. When it was exposed, Montano blamed Wanda Tulfo-Teo saying she pushed for the payment to her friend, Erlinda Legaspi, the agency’s owner. In a statement, Wanda Teo said, “I’m equally shocked. I didn’t know Erlinda is my friend.”

Attacked
In Balabac, Palawan, a fisherman saved his teenage son from a 15-feet long crocodile which attacked and bit him. Apparently, the son was preparing to go fishing alone when the animal attacked. The father was alerted when he heard his son yelling, “Saklolo! May taga-DOT dito! Saklolo!”
______________________________________________________________________________
“Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices, a rottenness begins in his conduct.”
~Thomas Jefferson

Sound Bites
“Hindi kayo pumasok ng gobyerno para mag-around the world.”
~Tourism Sec. Berna Romulo-Puyat to former DOT officials

Travel pa more.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Royal Wedding: Getty Images ; Berna Puyat:ABSCBN News]

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EXCLUSIVE: WANDA TULFO-TEO’S RESIGNATION LETTER

9 05 2018

Untitled

HIS EXCELLENCY RODRIGO ROA DUTERTE
President, Republic of the Philippines
Malacañan Palace, Manila

Dear Mr. President,

Kahapon nang umaga ay Panay ang iyak ko nang marinig ko ang balita. Mag-aalmusal ako no’n. Ang sarap ng mga pagkain sa mesa. I was so Hungary ngunit bigla akong nawalan ng Ghana. Malakas kasi ang bulung-bulungang sisibakin mo ako. Ang una kong naisip, Albay some time. Kaya’t bago pa man ang Cabinet meeting kinagabihan, inutusan ko ang aking abogado na kausapin si SAP Bong Go; baka sakaling magawan ng paraan. But it was too late. Wala na rin siyang nagawa. Ang Belize ng mga pangyayari. Bago matapos ang Lunes, wala na akong trabaho. I’m Finnished!

Tinawagan ko agad ang aking mga kapatid.

Gulat na gulat si Ben. “What the actual fuck?! Tinuluyan ka ni Tatay Digong?!? Norway!”

Halos ‘di naman nakapagsalita si Erwin. “I don’t Bolivia! Tell me this isn’t real. Tell me panaginip lang lahat ito. Busan mo ako ng tubig please!”

Dala ng labis na galit, namura ko sila. “P*tang ina n’yo kasi! Puro kayo Caloocan! Ke Bago-Baguio ko pa lang sa government service, pinagkakitaan n’yo agad. Ito ang resulta! Kasalanan n’yo ‘to!”

Sumagot si Ben, “This is in Seine! We will fix this.”

“D’yan ka magaling! Sa ‘fix-fix’ na ‘yan! Eh kung Dagupan kaya kita d’yan!?! Kumita ka na, ‘di ba?! Tama na!”

Ngunit nanindigan pa rin siya. “Malinis ang aking konsensya. Matino akong tao,” paliwanag niya.

“Matino?! Are you Syria?!?” sabi ko, “Alam ko ang Caracas mo, Ben! Alam din sa industriya ang style n’yo.”

Hindi na nakatiis si Erwin. “Akala mo ba Ate ikaw lang ang nasasaktan? Akala mo ba ikaw lang ang mapapahiya? Akala mo ba ikaw lang ang mawawalan ng kita? Camiguin!”

“Tigilan Monaco, Erwin! Tigilan n’yo na ako! Kagagawan n’yong lahat ito! Kasalanan n’yo kung bakit nawalan ako ng trabaho!”

At tuluyan na akong napahagulhol. Iraq ako nang Iraq.

Mr. President, you can Czech may track record. Heart and Seoul ang puhunan ko rito. I Cannes enumerate several other accomplishments but I rather not. Ayaw ko pong magyabang.

Basta, I Benin the travel industry for years kaya alam ko ang ginagawa ko. Kumbaga, Vatican na ako d’yan.

Alam mo kung gaano ako ka-dedicated sa trabaho! Cuba na ako sa kapu-promote sa Pilipinas. Sa katunayan, tumaas ang bilang ng mga turista sa bansa mula nang ma-appoint ako sa DOT. Hindi ko lang alam ang exact figures but Alaska a staff to send you the data.

Tanong nga po ng aking mga anak, “Mom, do you Everest?”

Sa bahay po kasi pati trabaho ng maid ginagawa ko na. Sabi nga minsan ng aking kasambahay, “Grabe ka naman Ma’am, inako mo na lahat. Tehran n’yo naman ako.”

May tatlong bagay lang akong gustong linawin, Sir. Una, hindi ko alam na hosts pala ng ‘Kilos Pronto’ sa PTV4 sina Ben at Erwin. Ottawa kayo nang tawa d’yan! Totoo po ‘yan. Ang tanging alam ko lang ay Rated Fiji ang show.

Pangalawa, kahapon ko lang din nalaman na hindi lang pala 20 million pesos ang napuntang pera sa kanila. Kahit Dublin mo ‘yan, kulang pa rin. Alam mo ba kung magkano? Tripoli!

And lastly, hindi ko po alam na kapatid ko pala sila. Kenya believe it? Ako rin, ‘di makapaniwala.  I’m sure sasabihin ng ibang tao, echoserang Prague ako. I am just telling the truth Mr. President.

Sanga pala, Yemen din lang at binigyan n’yo ako ng chance magpaliwanag, makikiusap na rin Sana’a ako na ‘wag na kaming kasuhang magkakapatid. Malusutan lang namin ito, tatanawin po namin ‘yang isang malaking utang na Louvre.

Masakit pong lisanin ang tanggapang pinaglingkuran ko sa nakalipas na dalawang taon. At lalong masakit na mawalay sa ‘yo. The truth is I don’t wanna Libya, Tatay Digong.

But I have Togo. Hindi mo na ako kailangang ipagtabuyan. Ako na po ang kusang aalis. Consider this decision a Korea move.

Paalam… mahal na Pangulo.

Isang malaking karangalan po na ikaw ay mapaglingkuran. Sa aking pag-alis, sana ay iyong tandaan: You are my one and only President… Mayon at kailanman.

Swede dreams!

Sincerely,
Wanda Tulfo-Teo
Traveler
_____________________________________________________________________________________
“Inconsistency, incompetence, and lies are all cut short by the ground. It will stop you if you can’t stop yourself.”
~Mark Twight

Sound Bites
“Diktadurya ang magwawagi at mananaig sa bansa kung manalo ang quo warranto petition at patay na ang judicial independence.”
~Chief Justice Ma. Lourdes Sereno

Indeed.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Wanda Tulfo-Teo: ABSCBN News – Handout photo from Special Assistant to the President Bong Go]





DEPARMENT OF TULFORISM

3 05 2018

THE DEPARTMENT of Tourism headed by Wanda Tulfo-Teo spent more than 60 million pesos for ad placements on Tulfo-Teo brothers’ blocktime program on government station PTV4. Tulfo-Teo insisted there was “no conflict of interest” because the contract was between PTV4 and his brothers’ program. BUT official documents released by the Commission on Audit revealed otherwise. Apparently, Tulfo-Teo’s department “specifically required” PTV4 to “buy segments” on her brothers’ show. Unbelievable.

Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng broadcaster.

Untitled
Samantala, sa isang radio program…

Tulfo: Ang init talaga ng panahon mga Ka-DDs. Son of a bitch, pinagpapawisan talaga ako. Now you know why I always wear shades. Because, temperature dude! The mercury keeps rising. Anyway, marami na tayong naghihintay na callers. Let’s do some public service bitches. Geez, this weather! Caller No. 1, hello?

Caller: Idol, hello po.

T: What’s your name and how may I help you?

C: Nestor ho ng Pasig. Ano bang dapat gawin kapag abusado ang opisyal ng gobyerno?

T: Well, that’s despicable. But can you be specific bro? You know, give some details so I could analyze your situation better.

C: Eh kasi idol, gumastos ng 60 million pesos, wala namang napala ang publiko.

T: Medyo mahina ang boses mo bro. Can you please speak a littler louder?

C: KASI PO GUMASTOS NG 60 MILLION PESOS ‘YONG DEPARTMENT NG GOBYERNO, WALA NAMANG NAPALA ANG PUBIKO. KUMITA LANG ANG MGA KAPATID NG OPISYAL. ANONG DAPAT GAWIN ‘PAG GANUN?

T: You know what, I think we’re having some technical difficulties here. Mr. Engineer, this needs some fixing.

C: Hello idol? Hello! Naririnig kita. Malinaw naman ang dating mo sa akin ah.

T: We’ll be right back.

* * * * *

T: Salamat nga pala sa engineers natin here sa station. Mabilis naayos ang problema natin sa phone line. I salute you boys. Now, let’s talk to caller No. 2. Hello… ?

C: Hello po! Si Maricar po ‘to ng Caloocan.

T: Wow! What a sweet name, Maricar! Reminds me of this pretty classmate of mine in elementary. I was so enamored with her. And mind you, the feeling was mutual. She was into me, too. Maybe it was my killer smile or perhaps my pair of sunglasses. Yes mga ka-DDS, bata pa lang ko, naka-shades na. Ain’t that cool? O, Maricar, anong maitutulong ko?

C: Idol, may isusumbong sana ako.

T: Of course! That’s precisely the reason why I created this show. I wanna help the less fortunate sector of the society. Sinong isusumbong mo?

C: Idol, galit ka sa nepotism sa gobyerno ‘di ba?

T: Of course! Noon ko pa sinasabi. Even my brothers have been vocal against it. Kapag nasa gobyerno ka, hindi mo dapat pinapaboran ang mga kamag-anak mo. Kakapalan ng mukha ‘yon. That’s just despicable my dear listeners.

C: Kilala mo ba si Wanda Teo na gumastos ng 60 million pesos for ads na napunta sa kanyang mga kapatid?

T: What’s the name again, Maricar?

C: Wanda Teo.

T: Sino ‘yon? Let me gather some info and then I’ll get back to you. Next caller please.

* * * * *

T: Mga Ka-DDS, remember this. Our program has always been fair. Both sides pinakikinggan natin. Hindi puwedeng kesyo ikaw ang nagreklamo, tama ka lagi. We’re only after the truth here.

Caller No. 3… na ayaw raw ibigay ang pangalan… hello ma’am? Nandiyan ka pa ba sa line? Sorry, pinaghintay ka namin.

C: PUTANG INA MO BEN. SABI N’YO, WALANG SASABIT. SABI N’YO, MAAAYOS ITO NG PTV4. SABI N’YO HINDI ITO LALABAS SA MEDIA. PUTANG INA N’YO. PATI PUWESTO KO NALALAGAY SA ALANGANIN NGAYON. PINAGRE-RESIGN TULOY AKO. PUTANG INA TALAGA. AYUSIN N’YO ‘TO! PUTANG INA N’YO. (Ibinagsak ang telepono.)

T: I’m sorry dear listeners. May nakapasok na prank caller. You know naman the millennials ‘di ba? Mahilig talaga sa prank calls ‘tapos maya-maya naka-upload na. Mali eh. Hindi nila ‘to dapat ginagawa. That’s just despicable! Magbababalik po ang ating programa.

* * * * *

C: Idol, si Nikki ‘to ng Pasay.

T: Nikki bro, kumusta d’yan sa Pasay? I was there the other night lang kasi we raided a gambling den. Almost midnight na ‘yon. Napakadilim sa area. Kulang na kulang sa pailaw. Mayor Calixto, tarantad… gumising ka naman. Konting sipag pa.

C: Idol, naka-shades ka ba during the raid?

T: May problema ka ba sa shades ko?

C: Wala naman idol. May gusto nga pala akong ireklamo dito sa Pasay.

T: Go!

C: ‘Yung local DSWD dito, namigay ng grocery bags sa barangay namin. ‘Yong isang tauhan nila, sa halip na isa lang ang ibigay bawat bahay, tatlo ang ibinigay sa isa naming kapitbahay.

T: Well, that’s just despicable my dear listeners. Nagtanong ka ba sa DSWD? Bakit daw ganun?

C: Sabi ng tambay dito, kapatid pala niya ang nakatira dun. Ang kapal ng mukha ‘di ba? Kesyo kapatid pinaboran. Putang ina ‘di ba?

T: Wait…

C: Eh kasi dapat walang pinapaboran ang hayup na iyon eh. Putang ina talaga.

T: Teka lang! Can we not be judgmental here Nikki? You don’t know the real story. Hearsay lang ‘yan. Baka naman may valid reason kung bakit tatlong grocery bags ang ibinigay. Let’s give that DSWD personnel a chance to defend himself and clariy the issue. Kesyo pinaboran, masama agad? ‘Wag ganyan. That’s just despicable.
Nikki, are you still there?
Hello?
Nandiyan ka pa ba?
‘Tang in… Binabaan na tayo ng telepono.

* * * * *

T: And we’re back. Before talking to our next caller, I’d like to greet some friends nga pala d’yan sa Customs. They’re listening right now. Mga lodi, what’s up? And also, to Ms Kat De Castro who’s also a regular listener, thank you for the support.

Now, we have Caller No. 5, Mr. John Robert Powers. Wow, I think we’ve got a tourist on the phone. Just goes to prove how effective those DOT commercials are. Mr. John Robert Powers… hello sir? Welcome to the preygram.

C: ‘TANG INANG FAKE ACCENT ‘YAN. NAKAKASUKA. TANG INA. (Ibinagsak ang phone.)

T: Well, I’m not going to dignify that personal attack. That’s just despicable my dear listeners. We’re not on the same level moron! Nandito ako, nandito lang kayo. Mga ulol!

Sa production staff natin na sumasagot sa mga tawag, how many times do I have to tell you to strictly screen the calls?!? PAANO NAKALUSOT ANG PUTANG INANG ‘YUN? SCREEN THE FUCKING CALLS BITCHES! You guys better shape up or risk losing your fucking job. Consider this my first and last warning. We’ll be right back after a few words from our sponsor – the DOT. 

* * * * *

T: Our last caller, si Buboy Bituin ng San Juan. May irereklamong kapitbahay na ubod daw nang tsismosa. Well, that’s just despicable my dear listeners. Sir Buboy, hello po? How can we help you?

C: Idol, hindi ko na matiis ang tsismosa kong kapitbahay. Nitong mga nakaraang araw, puro tsismis ang inaatupag.

T: Are you the subject of the chism? I mean, kayo ba ang chinichismis?

C: Hindi naman idol kaya lang

T: Eh hindi naman pala ikaw ang ichinichismis, bakit nagrereklamo ka?

C: Binging-bingi na kasi ako sa mga

T: Wait. Just because nabibingi ka na sa bunganga niya, nagrereklamo ka na? I find that a bit weird sir. Kung ‘di ka agrabyado, anong basehan ng reklamo? I’m sorry. As I have said, we’re just being fair. To be honest, baka kahit sa barangay, hindi ka manalo. By the way sir, what was the chismis all about ba?

C: Sabi niya kasi… ‘yong Dep’t. of Tourism daw, gumastos ng more than 60 million for ads sa Channel 4. Ayaw ko ngang maniwala. ‘Tapos ang more than 60 million pesos na ‘yon, napunta pala sa kapatid ng DOT Secretary. Ilang araw na niyang ‘kinukuwento sa akin ‘to.

T: SO, ANO PANG HINIHINTAY MO? IDEMANDA MO  NA ANG PUTANG INANG ‘YAN. YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT:  MALI ANG GINAGAWA NIYA. DON’T WORRY, PASASAMAHAN KITA SA STAFF KO. IDEMANDA MO ‘YAN BUKAS NA BUKAS DIN. THAT’S JUST DESPICABLE MY DEAR LISTENERS!
______________________________________________________________________________________
“Nepotism is the lowest and least imaginative form of corruption.”
~Daniel Alarcón, ‘At Night We Walk in Circles’

Sound Bites
“Mr. Duterte has brandished the power of fear. His threats and attacks bear the full weight of his office, the highest in the land. No need to test constitutional limits. All he seems to want to do is to make enough journalists understand that they should be very afraid.”
~Inquirer Editorial, ‘Speak truth to power, keep power in check’

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.


[Photos: Grig C. Montegrande/Inquirer File Photo] // Jonathan Cellona/BSCBN News





SCHADENFREUDE

27 04 2018

SA MATA ng maraming frustrated at ngayo’y tumatawang Pinoy, ang mga nahulog sa nag-collapse na bridge sa Zamboanga ay hindi lang dalawang congressman. They represent every politician na sa tingin ng mga Filipino ay nagpapayaman lamang sa puwesto at pakitang-tao ang serbisyo.

Can you blame them? Bakit nga ba ang hirap makisimpatya sa mga pulitikong nalalagay sa alanganin?

Just imagine kung si House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez pa ang nahulog do’n. Baka nag-bonfire sa iba’t ibang universities nationwide. (Seriously though, we’re glad that no one was seriously hurt.)

With that, I’m reposting some of the meanest and outrageous Twitter reactions to the Zambo footbridge collapse.

morebridge

KarmaSlaps

FakeNewsPeople
MatinongTulay

repir

Impyerno

Builbuilbuild

ganti

JFLaughs

Kawawa

malalim

MediaMileage

Nahulogg

TatakPDP

Substandard

Aling Vicky
___________________________________________________________________________________________
“Anyone in a position of power is either corrupt or assumed to be corrupt, and the assumption of corruption is as bad as the reality of it.”
~Stanley A. McChrystal

Sound Bites
“Nahulog kami ng aking mga kasama sa tulay na nilalakaran namin papunta sa mga housing on stilts sa Brgy Rio Hondo, Zamboanga City. Ang kakulangan sa maintenance sa paggawa ng mga tulay at bahay ay napakadelikado para sa mga residente lalo na sa mga bata.”
~Negros Rep. Alfredo Abelardo ‘Albee’ Benitez, Survivor

‘k.

Schadenfrreude

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Video: GMA News]





THE KRIS AQUINO SHOW

23 04 2018

limits
krisaquino I’ve had ENOUGH. As a mom of two loving and well-mannered kids, kailangang magsalita na ako dahil kinabukasan na nila ang at stake. I’m ready to be bashed. Sige lang. But I am an honest taxpayer of this country at millions ang ipinapasok ko sa kaban ng bayan kaya sasabihin ko kung ano ang nararamdaman ko sa mga nangyayari. I’m sorry Kuya Noy, I’m sorry Ate Pinky kung matigas ang ulo ko pero naniniwala akong dapat na akong magsalita. Bastusan na kasi talaga eh. Hindi ko alam kung bakit grabe ang inggit ng ibang tao. ‘Yung quo warranto petition sa Supreme Court, may justices na very public ang pagbatikos kay CJ Sereno pero never sila nag-inhibit. Alam naman nilang through impeachment lang puwedeng maalis ang Chief Justice pero deadma sila sa sinasabi ng Constitution. Ang kakapal ng mukha ‘di ba? Lalo na ‘yong isang babaeng Justice. Gosh, ramdam na ramdam mo ang inggit sa katawan. Kailangan yatang paliguan ng Ariel Antibac. Sa mga ‘di nakakaalam, ang roots ng family namin ay sa Fujian, China. Pero nasasaktan ako everytime na nakababasa ng balita na halos ipamigay na ni PRRD ang mga isla ng Pilipinas sa Beijing. Mas nakakaloka ‘yong walang pumapalag sa supporters niya. Oo lang nang oo sa lahat ng ginagawa niya. #zombies

Isa pang nakaka-bother itong recount for VP. My goodness, obvious naman ang goal nila ‘di ba? Iluklok ang anak ng diktador. Nakakaloka. Hindi pa naibabalik ang mga ninakaw ng pamilya nila, babalik na naman. ‘Yong panganay na tatakbong senador, may pinag-viral na French lessons pa. Nakakasuka. Poque-poque talaga! Hindi ko sila kinakaya.

This morning, lumapit sa akin si Bimby habang nag-i-Internet gamit ang PLDT Home Fibr and showed me something, ‘Mom, Marawi is so beautiful na. Look. Let’s go there.” Unang tingin ko pa lang, alam kong fake news agad; gawa-gawa lang ng keyboard warriors ng gov’t. I mean, everyday nababasa ng mga anak ko ang ganyang kasinungalingan. Sa palagay n’yo ba, tatahimik na lang ako? Kapag mga anak ko na ang biniktima n’yo, lalaban at lalaban ako. #lookwhatyoumademedo

Gusto ko pa sanang magsalita about big time drug lords na pinalaya ng gobyernong ito, sa crackdown sa mga kritiko, pag-atake sa free press ‘tsaka ‘yong nangyayaring pagpatay sa mahihirap na Filipino pero pinigilan ako ni Kuya Noy. So what I’m gonna do is padadalhan ko na lang ng Chowking lauriat and Nacho Bimby ang mga na-orphan dahil sa war on drugs ni PRRD.

Sa mga Ka-DDs na mamba-bash sa akin, I don’t care. Kahit sipa-sipain at sampal-sampalain n’yo pa ko, wala akong pakialam. May Ever Bilena naman akong magagamit para i-conceal ang mga pasa ko.

Sanga pala, I was watching Rated K kanina and saw a feature on James and his son with Michela Cazzola. Soooo cute. Kamukha ni James ‘yong bata. Ang malas naman. Aha-ha-ha. And I heard, pregnant na naman si Michela. Congratulations!!! In fairness, nakadalawa ka. Ako, nakaisa lang. Aha-ha-ha! But seriously, I am happy for them. Sabi ko nga kay James, pwede niyang hiramin si Bimby anytime para makalaro ng kapatid niya. Sa totoo lang, nagtatampo na nga si Bimby kasi nakakalimutan na niyang dumalaw. Busy yata si James sa PBA at sa negosyo niya but I understand. At least, nag-effort akong sabihan siya na bukas ang pintuan naming mag-ina sa pagdalaw niya.

Kay Korina, nagtatampo ako sa ‘yo girl. I campaigned pa naman for Mar pero bakit si James may feature, ako wala. Ahahaha Joke lang. Teka, tatawagan ko nga si Jessica. i-KMJS na ‘yan! Aha-ha-ha! Biro lang. I have to say this though: winner ka sa pic na ‘to Ate Koring! Hindi kita nakilala. Akala ko si Ivy Violan ka! Aha-ha-ha!

Pahabol: On Wednesday, start na ng shoot namin for my comeback movie sa Star Cinema. Gosh, I’m excited na to work with Joshua Garcia and Julia Barretto. Hindi ko pa masyadong kilala ‘yong Joshua pero he’s charming naman, so keri na. Sa totoo lang, na-miss ko ang pagtili sa movie, promise! Sana kayo rin. Sa mga nakalimot na, I’ll help you remember. Ganito ang atake ko sa eksena. Kapag takot na takot: Aaaaaaaaahhh! Kapag galit na galit: Aaaaaaaaahhh! Kapag gulat na gulat: Aaaaaaaaahhh! At kapag super kilig: Aaaaaaaaahhh! Gosh! Hindi ko kinakaya ang versatility ko. Winner ‘di ba! Aha-ha-ha!

I can’t wait to earn millions again para millions din ang maibayad ko sa gobyernong ito. Kaya please lang. Lumalaki na ang mga anak ko. Umayos kayo. Ayaw kong malagay sa peligro ang buhay nila dahil sa mga walanghiyang policies n’yo. As a mom, ako ang unang magtatanggol sa aking mga anak kapag feeling ko naaagrabyado sila. #labanlang

Sa mga haters, I love you. Chill. Pa-deliver na lang kayo ng Chowking halo-halo.

And to everyone who follows me on Facebook, IG, and Twitter… alam n’yo na! Love, love, love palagi. #aaahhhhhhh

[FILED UNDER: Kris Aquino in an alternate universe]
————————————————————————————————————————————-
“In a mad world, only the mad are sane.”
~Akira Kurosawa

Sound Bites
“di kailangang iangat at tulungan ang diktadurya upang ihayag ang personal na galit. wag itawid sa pulitikal. malaking hamon sa bayan ang paglaban sa diktador at mamamatay-tao. iwasang maliitin ang hamon na ito dahil nabulag sa personal na sama ng loob. mag-isip bago pumindot.”
~Former Solicitor General Florin Hilbay/Twitter

Indeed.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Kris Aquino IG]






EXCLUSIVE: VITALIANO AGUIRRE’S RESIGNATION LETTER

6 04 2018

AguiirePDI

April 5, 2018

HIS EXCELLENCY RODRIGO ROA DUTERTE
President, Republic of the Philippines
Malacañan Palace, Manila

Dear Mr. President,

Una kong narinig noong Linggo ng Pagkabuhay ang balitang balak mo akong sibakin sa puwesto. Aaminin ko, ikinagulat ko ito. Kaagad kong tinanong si Bong Go kung totoo ang balita ngunit sinabi naman niyang walang siyang alam tungkol dito. Umasa akong ito ay tsismis lamang. Sa katunayan, nag-participate pa ako sa Easter Egg Hunt kasama ang aking mga apo. Wala akong nakitang Easter egg. Kinabahan ako. Masamang pangitain yata ito. Nanatiling positibo ang aking pananaw.

Ngunit noong Miyerkules, ibinalita ng Philippine Star ang diumano’y nakaambang pagsipa mo sa akin bilang kalihim ng Department of Justice. Sa loob-loob ko, baka nga totoo. Para akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. Tumayo lahat ng buhok sa aking katawan. (Hindi pala lahat.)

Kinagabihan, nagsimba ako at pormal na humingi ng sign kay Lord.

“Panginoon, dapat ko bang unahan ang pagpapatalsik sa akin? Give me a sign, Lord.”

Pagkasabi ko nito, biglang tumunog ang cellphone ng aking katabi. Ang ring tone: ‘Hayaan Mo Sila’ ng Ex Battalion. Napaindak ako Mr. President. Hindi mo naitatanong, ito ang lagi kong pinakikinggan sa Spotify. Ito na nga siguro ang sign na hinihintay ko.

Labag man sa aking kalooban, nagpasya akong sulatin ang resignation letter na ito. Mas masakit kasi kung mababasa ko pa sa Inquirer at Rappler ang headline na, “Duterte sacks Aguirre.” Ayaw ko silang bigyan ng dahilan upang magsaya.

With this letter, I hereby respectfully tender my resignation, Mr. President. Ngunit bago ko tuluyang iwan ang tanggapang aking pinaglingkuran, nais kong isa-isahin ang aking mga nagawa sa nakalipas na isang taon at walong buwan:

Naipakulong ko si Sen. Leila De Lima kahit walang ebidensya. Ako lang ang makakagawa nito.

Ibinasura ko ang kaso laban kina Peter Lim, Peter Co, Kerwin Espinosa (na umaming drug lord pero feeling ko nagbibiro lang talaga), at iba pang high-profile drug personalities. Bakit ba? Ipinapatupad ko lang ang batas. ‘Pag walang ebidensya, ibasura! (Siyempre, exception to the rule ‘yong kay De Lima. Tama ba ako, Mr. President?)

Ang utak sa pork barrel scam na si Janet Lim Napoles, tinanggap natin sa Witness Protection Program ng pamahalaan. Ganyan kabait ang ating gobyerno. Hindi lang biktima at saksi ang tinutulungan kundi pati mga kawatan!

Dalawang tauhan ko sa Bureau of Immigration ang kinasuhan ng plunder dahil sa pang-e-extort sa negosyanteng si Jack Lam. Muntik na akong madawit dito pero nalusutan ko ang isyu. Hindi ba achievement ito?

Ang kasong murder laban kay Supt. Marvin Marcos na inakusang pumaslang kay Albuera, Leyte Mayor Rolando Espinosa at sa mga tauhan nito, naibaba natin sa homicide. Wala akong pakialam sa findings ng NBI na rubout ang nangyari. Pulis o drug suspects: kanino ba talaga kayo kampi?

Sa kaso ng 6.4 billion-peso shabu shipment na nasabat ng mga awtoridad, isa lang ang nakasuhan: si Mark Taguba. Sa aking mga kritiko, ‘wag na kayong makuda. Ano bang gusto n’yo: may nakasuhan o wala?

Mr. President, bawat isa sa mga nagawa kong ito ay inayunan mo.

Bawat isa sa mga ito ay wala kang naging reklamo — kaya’t labis ang pagtataka ko kung bakit gusto mo pa akong sibakin sa puwesto.

Kulang pa ba? Nasaan ang hustisya?

Nagtatanong lang. ‘Wag ka sanang magagalit.

Sakali mang tanggapin mo ang pagbibitiw kong ito, nais kong ipaalam sa ‘yo na handa pa rin akong maglingkod sa gobyerno. Paalala lang po, malapit nang magretiro si Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales. Alam po n’yo ang number ko. Bahala na kayo. [Pwede nga rin pala ako sa Senado. Kumpleto na ba ang slate n’yo?]

Good luck mahal na Pangulo! Thank you very much.

I remain,

Your fraternity brother,

VITALIANO N. AGUIRRE II

—————————————————————————————————————————————
“Without character, there is no credibility; and without credibility, there is no trust.”
~Warren G. Bennis

[Photo: Inquirer.net]





EXCLUSIVE: SHARON INTERVIEWS DUTERTE

3 04 2018

US PRESIDENT Donald Trump has declared April – “Sexual Assault Awareness Month.” In the Philippines, President Rodrigo Duterte is declaring May the “National Month Against Extrajudicial Killing.”

01MegadINNERBongGo
Mega Dinner
Sharon Cuneta, wife of Liberal Party president, Sen. Francis Pangilinan, recently dined with President Duterte at Malacañang. It was a much talked about meeting between a very famous, influential multimillionaire – and Sharon Cuneta.

Rumors say when Sharon Cuneta initially heard about the President’s dinner invitation, she excitedly asked Bong Go, “When? Where? What’s on the menu?”

While having dinner, Duterte and Cuneta even played a game. Sharon asked some questions and Duterte answered using the titles of his favorite Sharon Cuneta movies. Here is the full transcript:

SHARON: Noong nanalo po kayo bilang pangulo at naluklok sa palasyo, ano ang unang pumasok sa isip n’yo?

Duterte: Sana’y Wala Nang Wakas.

Napakalaki pong isyu ang pagpapakulong n’yo kay Senator De Lima. Sakali pong magkita ulit kayo, ano ang sasabihin n’yo sa kanya?

Babangon Ako’t Dudurugin Kita.

Palabiro ka talaga, Mr. President. Ano nga po palang pakiramdam n’yo kapag nakakarinig ng batikos mula sa ICC, UN at mga human rights groups?

Pasan Ko Ang Daigdig.

Ramdam ko nga po. Kumusta na ho si Pulong? Pardon my words but… gago pa rin ho ba?

Ngayon at Kailanman.

That’s sad.

‘Di Na Natuto.

Ang bad. Sa tingin n’yo ba magbabago pa siya?

Pagdating ng Panahon.

Hanga po ako sa closeness n’yo ni Sec. Bong Go. Para talaga kayong…

Magkapatid?

‘Yun nga po. Lagi kayong magkasama ‘no?

Oras-Oras, Araw-Araw.

Wow! Eh paano kung may magkasakit? Nasaan iyong isa?

Caregiver.

That’s really great. Samantalang kami ni Kiko, away-bati. Sa tingin n’yo po dapat ko na siyang hiwalayan?

Ikaw.

Sige po, pag-iisipan ko. May mga anak kami eh. Pero kung kayo ang tatanungin, sorry po, alam kong maraming problema ang Pilipinas, dapat na ba akong sumuko kung wala na akong nararamdaman?

Kahit Konting Pagtingin?!

Siyempre meron naman po Mr. President. But paano kung ‘di na ganun ang sinasabi ng utak ko?

Pati Ba Pintig ng Puso?

Minsan. Ay! Nag-o-overshare na ako. Pasensya na talaga Mr. President. Ang hirap kasi ng feeling na…

Biktima?

Medyo. Hayyyy, tama na nga. Baka sabihin nila napakadrama ko. Mabanggit ko lang Mr. President, nalulungkot ako kasi nag-“No!” sa reunion movie project namin si Gabby. Hoping pa naman akong matuloy ‘yon. Hayyyyyy. Ba’t kaya ganun?

Walang Karugtong ang Nakaraan.

Aray! Hindi naman po ako umaasa ng balikan. Diyos ko, ang tatanda na namin. Ang sa akin lang, kaunting pagpapahalaga naman sa pinagsamahan.

Dapat Ka Bang Mahalin?

Ouch. Ang sakit mo namang magsalita Sir! Come to think of it though, pagdating talaga sa love, lahat pantay-pantay ‘no? Mayaman man o mahirap, nabibigo.

Maging Sino Ka Man.

True. Speaking of love, grabe rin ang pagmamahal n’yo sa mga Marcos ‘no?

Kapantay ay Langit.

Pansin ko nga po – lalo na kay Bongbong na ongoing ang hiniling na recount. Hanggang saan po ang suporta n’yo sa isa’t isa?

Sa Hirap at Ginhawa.

Awww. Eh paano naman po ‘yong ‘di mamatay-matay na isyu ng pagnanakaw against the Marcoses?

Forgive and Forget.

I luveeeet! Sanga pala, ang laking isyu rin ng pag-welcome n’yo sa China. ’Yong pag-handle n’yo sa usapin ng mga isla natin, iniintriga. Ano bang policy natin when it comes to our islands?

Buy One, Take One.

Ayyy! Sige po, hindi na kita pagpapaliwanagin. Pero sure akong ‘di ‘yan gusto ng mga taga-Liberal. Malapit na ang eleksyon. ‘Di ba kayo nati-threaten sa Senate slate nila?

Bituing Walang Ningning.

Ang mean!!! Last na lang, any message Mr. President sa UN at sa International Criminal Court.

Bukas Luluhod ang mga Tala.

‘Yun na! Maraming salamat Mr. President. Sana nandiyan kayo lagi para sa aming lahat na nagmamahal sa ‘yo.

Kung Kailangan Mo Ako.

Talaga Sir?

Pangako Sa ‘Yo. Cross My Heart.

Sweeet! Sige, kain ka na Sir.

Tayong Dalawa. Ayan o, may lechon pa!

Awww! My Only Love!

-End of Interview-

Kiko
Sen. Kiko Pangilinan says the country needs “a strong opposition to ensure that our democracy remains vibrant.” But Pangilinan admits they may not be able to field a complete Senate slate next year. Heck, he can’t even get the support of his own wife.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
“You’re not to be so blind with patriotism that you can’t face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or says it.”
~Malcolm X, ‘By Any Means Necessary’

Sound Bites
Resistance is our movement. We must vigorously resist the slide to authoritarianism and anti-democratic rule.”
~Sen. Kiko Pangilinan

True.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Bong Go]





UNEDITED: DUTERTE’S ORIGINAL HOLY WEEK MESSAGE

25 03 2018

1ddd

Mensahe ng
Kagalang-galang Rodrigo R. Duterte
Pangulo ng Pilipinas
Sa Sambayanang Pilipino
Ukol sa Mahal na Araw
[Ika-25 ng Marso 2018]

Mga kababayan,

Nakikiisa ako sampu ng aking Gabinete sa paggunita ng mga Kristiyano sa pagpapakasakit at pagkamatay ni Hesukrito.

Katulad ni Hesus, tayong mga Pilipino ay dapat magtiis at magsakripisyo. Kung patuloy ang pagtaas ng presyo ng gas at mga bilihin, magtiis. Kung wala pa ring hinto ang extrajudicial killing, magtiis. Kung napakatagal ng oras sa paghihintay sa laging sirang MRT, magtiis. Kung walang pagbabago sa traffic, magtiis. Si Hesus nga, hindi nagreklamo, kayo pa kaya?

Maling sabihing walang basehan ang mga patakarang ipinatutupad ko. Sumusunod lamang ako sa nasusulat sa banal na aklat.

Si Barabbas o si Hesus?! Sino ba ang pinalaya: ang kriminal o ang walang sala? Ito ang inspirasyon ko kung bakit ang mga big-time drug lords ay aking pinakawalan habang patuloy ang persekusyon kay Leila De Lima at sa iba pang kritiko ng aking pamahalaan.

Maraming nagagalit kay Hudas dahil ipinagkanulo nito si Hesus kapalit ng ilang pirasong pilak. Biktima ng fake news si Hudas. Kung may Rappler, Inquirer at ABSCBN news noon, malamang hindi nila ibinalita ang positibong aspeto ng ginawa nito. Ginamit siya ng Panginoon upang maganap ang nasusulat.

Nakikita ko ang aking sarili kay Hudas. Gayunman, hindi tatlumpong pirasong pilak lamang ang kapalit ng mga isla sa West Philippine Sea. Napakalaking halaga ng ipauutang sa atin ng China. Ito ang bubuhay sa ating ekonomiya. Kaya’t labis akong nagtataka kung bakit inaakusahan ako ng pagtatraydor sa bayan. Hindi ito pagtatraydor. Ito ay pagmamalasakit.

Ang sabi ng aking mga kritiko, biktima ng extrajudicial killing si Hesus. Bakit? Hindi ba’t mga tao mismo noon ang humiling na ipako ito sa krus? Sa katunayan, ayon sa pananaliksik nina Martin Andanar at Mocha Uson ng Presidential Communications Office, aabot sa 16 million ang humiling kay Poncio Pilato na ipako sa krus si Hesus. Ibinalita ba ‘yan ng Rappler at Inquirer? Hindi!

Heto pa: sa pagkamatay ni Hesus ay nahugasan ang kasalanan ng mga masasama. Katulad ng EJK noon, maganda ang layunin ng EJK ngayon, ang linisin ang masasama.

Noong panahon ni Hesus, wala ni isa mang human rights group ang bumatikos sa pagpatay sa kanya. Pero ngayon, grabe ang ginagawang pakikialam ng UN at iba pang human rights organizations sa nagaganap na pagpatay sa bansa. ‘Tangina nila. ‘Pag ako nabuwisit, hindi lang sa ICC tayo aalis. Pati UN at Solar System lalayasan natin!

Ang Kuwaresma ay panahon ng fasting. Ito ay isang paraan ng sakripisyo upang mapalapit sa Itaas. Sa mga Filipinong araw-araw ay gutom dahil walang makain, huwag n’yong sisihin ang gobyerno. Isipin n’yo na lang na mas mapapalapit kayo sa Panginoon.

Ang Kuwaresma ay panahon din ng pagbabago. Gusto kong gamiting halimbawa ang aking tagapagsalitang si Harry Roque. Lahat ng ipinaglaban niya noon, tinalikuran na niya ngayon. Wala siyang hininging ginto, pilak o pera. Endorsement lang sa susunod na eleksyon, pwede na. Mabuhay ka!

Bago ako magtapos, gusto ko lang ipaalala: ang tunay na Kristiyano ay tahimik na gumugunita sa Mahal na Araw. Kung talagang mahal n’yo ang gobyerno at ang bansang ito, tatahimik na lang kayo. Tigilan n’yo na ang pag-iingay, pagpuna at pambabatikos sa ginagawa ng aking administrasyon. Kung hindi kayo tatahimik, putang ina n’yo, bilang na ang mahal na araw n’yo!  Patatahimikin ko kayo!

Hanggang dito na lamang. Maraming salamat at nawa’y maging ligtas ang inyong bakasyon. Huwag manlalaban. [Pastilan!]
—————————————————————————————————————————————
“A traitor leader is the outcome of a fool nation.”
~M.F. Moonzajer, ‘30 Pieces’

Sound Bites
My reading of the philosophy behind the creation of the ICC tells me this: If we want a world that allows no room for impunity, humanity must have recourse to a supranational mechanism for exacting accountability and dispensing justice, even where the actual victims themselves may have forgiven their oppressors.
~Prof. Randy David, ‘President Duterte is not the Philippine State’

Have a safe week! Enjoy your vacation!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Inquirer.net]





NAPOLES AND THE PORK BARREL SCAM

22 03 2018

1Napoles2
IN JULY 2013, the Philippine Daily Inquirer, in a series of investigative reports, exposed the multibillion-peso pork barrel scam. According to the report, “billions of pesos in Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) allocations of senators and members of the House of Representatives were diverted to bogus NGOs set up by businesswoman Janet Lim-Napoles.”

The alleged pork barrel scam queen is in the news again. Vitaliano Aguirre announced she has been provisionally accepted to the DOJ’s witness protection program. Duterte fanatics, who, in 2013, lauded the arrest and detention of Napoles are now either expressing support for or keeping mum on Aguirre’s decision. What a shame! Kadiri talaga kayo.

I am thus republishing some of my posts on or about Napoles and the pork barrel scam from 2013. Lest we forget…

A PHILIPPINE DAILY INQUIRER report says Janet Napoles owns at least 28 houses… the biggest of which are the two Houses of Congress.

1Napoles3
Rappler.Com published a photo showing Janet Lim-Napoles in a party with lawmakerslike Bong Revilla and Jinggoy Estrada. Sought for reaction, Gus Abelgas said, “Hindi nagsisinungaling ang ebidensya.”

According to the whistleblowers, Janet Lim-Napoles is using code names for some lawmakers she’s having transactions with. The alleged pork barrel queen uses the alias “Pogi” for Bong Revilla and two code names for Jinggoy Estrada. One is “Kuya” – which is self-explanatory – and another is “Sexy” – which tarnishes the witnesses’ credibility.

Juan Ponce Enrile has been repeatedly linked to Janet Lim-Napoles. In fact, she allegedly uses the code name “Tandâ” for him. When Enrile heard this, he said, “Inuulit ko, hindi ko kilala si Pangit.”

Reports say around 750,000 pages of documents and evidence were turned over by the Department of Justice to the Office of the Ombudsman. The Ombudsman vows to file charges before the Sandiganbayan as soon as possible. President Aquino’s term ends in two and a half years. They don’t have much time. To which Enrile said, “Lalo naman ako!”

Bong Revilla appealed to the public to not prejudge him. He also denied accusations he put the “bong” in “pandarambong.”

1Napoles
According to Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago, lawmakers who were linked to the pork barrel scam must immediately take a leave of absence out of delicadeza. To which, lawmakers replied, “Ano ‘yon?!”

A survey conducted by Inquirer.Net showed 96.2 percent of Filipinos wanted the pork barrel abolished. The other 3.8 percent were lawmakers and their relatives.

Alleged pork barrel queen Janet ‘Jenny’ Lim-Napoles insisted her wealth came from legitimate business. For the bad publicity she has been getting of late, Napoles is blaming her enemies: the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Rappler, and the truth.

Latest reports say Janet Napoles may have escaped using one of three luxury yachts docked at the Manila Yacht Club. Lorna Kapunan insists Janet Napoles doesn’t own a yacht. To be fair, she owns the government.

On Wednesday, lawyer Lorna Kapunan denied that Napoles owned luxury yachts. She reiterated that her client wasn’t involved in the pork barrel scam, and she denied knowing her whereabouts. Survey: Sinong naniniwala sa mga sinabi ni Lorna Kapunan? Itaas ang kanang kamay… ‘tapos, sampalin nang malakas ang sarili!

Asked by Jessica Soho if she believed that Janet Napoles was clean, and not a corrupt person, Lorna Kapunan answered, “I think I need a lawyer.” The Napoleses replied, “I think you need a new client.”

1Napoles5
According to former senator Edgardo Angara, alleged pork barrel scam perpetrator Janet Lim-Napoles must be spared from “prejudicial publicity” to ensure a fair trial. Watch out Lorna Kapunan! Someone wants your job.

Former congressman Prospero Pichay has vouched for the goodness of character of the Napoles couple and refuses to believe they had anything to do with the pork barrel scam. Because if there’s someone who’s in a position to best defend a suspected crook, it has to be a person of untarnished reputation, good morals, and unimpeachable character like Prospero Pichay, right?

Ex-solon Prospero Pichay defended Janet Lim-Napoles and her husband against allegations they masterminded the P10-B pork barrel scam. In other news, Kim Kardashian says Lindsay Lohan is the best role model for today’s youth.

Pork Inquiry
The Senate has an ongoing investigation on the pork barrel scam. Several reports say the alleged pork barrel queen may be invited to face the senators – or as Janet Napoles would call it, “reunion.”

Janet Lim-Napoles may soon face the senators in the ongoing pork barrel scam probe. It will probably be the most awkward moment in the history of Philippine legislature.

Benhur Luy
The camp of Janet Lim-Napoles has started to discredit the principal whistleblower, Benhur Luy saying he had “gender confusion and sexual indiscretion issues.” Asked to comment on the revelation, Benhur’s lawyer said, “Kebs!”

Identified by former employees as the mastermind of the 10 billion peso-pork barrel scam, Janet Lim-Napoles retaliates and accuses principal whistleblower, Benhur Luy of being an ecstasy user. Napoles said Benhur “needs to be reformed.” Benhur replied, “You first!”

1Napoles4
Remember Janet Lim-Napoles’ daughter Jeane who flaunted photos of her Porsche, LVs, YSLs, Chanels, Louboutins and Celines in social media? Lawyer Lorna Kapunan says everyone should be proud of people like Jeane. I don’t think everyone will be proud of lawyers like Kapunan.

According to research firm MillWard Brown, the top 10 global luxury brands of 2013 are Louis Vuitton, Hermes, Gucci, Prada, Rolex, Chanel, Cartier, Burberry, Fendi and Coach. Or as Jeane Napoles would say, “My entire closet.”

Fugitive businesswoman Janet ‘Jenny’ Lim-Napoles has filed four libel suits against journalists, a blogger and a fashion designer. She claimed her daughter Jeane got sick after she read reports on her lavish lifestyle. Well, her lavishness was sickening.

Typhoon Nakaw
A petition asking PAGASA to name typhoons after corrupt politicians has been launched online. But the weather bureau rejected it because there’s not enough typhoons to accommodate all names.
___________________________________________________________________________________
“Three groups spend other people’s money: children, thieves, politicians. All three need supervision.”
~Dick Armey

Sound Bites
“As long as government is there, there is money.”
~Janet Lim-Napoles

You bet.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Janet Lim-Napoles, Jeane Napoles: Inquirer.net; Bong, Jinggoy et al: Rappler]





IN THIS CORNER

16 03 2018

dutertefist
PNP CHIEF Bato de la Rosa said the dismissal of charges filed against big-time drug lords angered his boss, Rodrigo Duterte who punched a wall in Malacañang. “Namaga ang kamay n’ya sa galit,” Bato added. That’s what you call a ‘punchline.’

Did he or did he not? In a series of ambush interviews, Duterte gave conflicting answers.

Reporter: Sir, totoo bang sinuntok n’yo ang wall sa palasyo sabi ni General Bato?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Dahil ba nadismis ang kaso laban sa mga big-time drug lord?

Duterte: Hindi! Dahil tinambakan ng San Miguel ang Ginebra sa Game 4. Tang ina. Nanood pa naman si Pareng Jawo tapos tambak. Yawa!

* * * * *

Reporter: Mr. President, totoo bang sinuntok mo ang pader sa Malacañang?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Dahil ba dinismiss ang kaso laban sa mga big-time drug lord?

Duterte: In a way.

Reporter: Paano pong “in a way?” Hindi ba nagalit kayo kasi nadismis ang kaso nila?

Duterte: Hindi! Nagalit ako kasi wala na silang kaso. Ako, meron pa sa ICC. Pisti!

* * * * *

Reporter: Mr. President, sabi ni General Bato namaga raw ang kamay mo dahil sinuntok mo ang pader sa Malacañang.

Duterte: Tama!

Reporter: Nagalit daw kayo sa pagkakadismis ng kaso ng big time drug lords. Tama rin po ba?

Duterte: Mali. Nagalit ako dahil nag-trend sa Twitter noong isang araw ang #DuterteDuwag. Nag-withdraw lang sa ICC, duwag agad? SAGUTIN MO AKO: Kapag nag-withdraw ba sa ICC, duwag?

Reporter: In a way Sir.

Duterte:

Reporter: No pala Sir. No. Next question na po…

* * * * *

Reporter: Sir, totoo bang sinuntok mo ang pader sa palasyo?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Totoo bang namaga ang kamay mo dahil sa pagsuntok?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Totoo bang nagalit kayo sa pagkakadismis ng kaso laban sa big time drug lords?

Duterte: Ba’t naman napunta sa drug lords ang usapan? Suntok at pader lang ang topic natin. ‘Wag kang lumayo.

* * * * *

Reporter: Mr. President, totoo bang sinuntok mo ang pader sa palasyo?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Totoo bang namaga ang kamay mo dahil sa pagsuntok?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Totoo bang nagalit ka dahil nadismis ang kaso laban sa big-time drug lords?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: INUULIT KO: Totoo bang nagalit ka dahil nadismis ang kaso laban sa big-time drug lords?

Duterte:

Reporter: Naninigurado lang Sir.

* * * * *

Reporter: Sir, totoo bang namaga ang kamay mo matapos mong suntukin ang pader sa palasyo?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon.

Reporter: Totoo bang nagalit ka raw kasi nadismis ang kaso laban kay Kerwin Espinosa?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon!

Reporter: Totoo rin bang nagalit ka kasi nadismis ang kaso laban sa kumpare mong si Peter Lim?

Duterte: Kay Kerwin na muna tayo mag-focus. Nananahimik ang ibang tao, ‘wag mong idamay.

* * * * *

Reporter: Sir, totoo bang sinuntok mo ang pader sa palasyo dahil sa sobrang galit?

Duterte: Totoo ‘yon!

Reporter: Totoo bang namaga ang kamay mo dahil sa pagkakasuntok sa pader?

Duterte: Totoo rin ‘yon.

Reporter: Tingin kayo sa camera sir ‘tapos ipakita mo ang namamaga mong kamay.

Duterte: Kayo talaga, ‘di na mabiro. Kailan ba kayo masasanay? Next question na nga.
——————————————————————————————————————————————-
“Pathological liars can’t always tell truth from falsehood and contradict themselves in an interview. They are manipulative and are very brazen in terms of their manner.”
~Adrian Raine

Sound Bites
The attempt to withdraw from the ICC will not save anyone responsible for crimes against humanity from the ICC’s jurisdiction. The rules of the ICC are clear that it has jurisdiction over crimes committed in a state’s territory while the latter was a party to the Rome Statute.
~Center for International Law

#DuterteDuwag

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Associated Press]





OF PSYCHOS AND DRUG LORDS

12 03 2018

0ALHUSSEIN
UNITED NATIONS High Commissioner for Human Rights Zeid Ra’ad al-Hussein says Rodrigo Duterte – who recently called a UN special rapporteur “malnourished”, and referred to an International Criminal Court prosecutor as “that black woman” – needs to “submit himself to some sort of psychiatric evaluation.” Reacting to the UN rights chief’s statement, Alan Peter Cayetano says, “The world actually needs more Dutertes.” Actually, the world needs more psychiatrists.

Duterte’s mouthpiece, Harry Roque, said the UN rights chief’s language was an insult to Filipinos. As opposed to Duterte’s language which is the epitome of class, morals and values and a source of great pride for Filipinos.

Harry Roque added, “Such language directed against a democratically elected head of a UN member country is uncalled for and is an affront to the sovereignty of the Republic of the Philippines.” A strong reaction from the spokesman of the Philippine president who has surrendered the republic’s sovereignty to China.

0MochRy
Role Model
Rodrigo Duterte’s spokesman Harry Roque, who is reportedly running for senator next year, says Mocha Uson is “a role model for women.” When asked about the things he liked most about Uson, Roque replied, “her loyalty, her charm, and her 5 million followers on Facebook.”

On International Women’s Day, palace spokesman Harry Roque praised attack dog Mocha Uson and called her “a role model for women.” Many Filipinas here and abroad were offended by the statement forcing Harry Roque to clarify he never said ‘role model’ but ‘troll model.’

Baffled
Mar Roxas placed second in the 2016 presidential elections and Grace Poe came in third. Manny Pacquiao described this as ‘nakakapagtaka.’ To which, Roxas replied, “Parang ‘yong pagboto lang sa ‘yo ng tao.”

Calamity
The Dep’t. of Interior and Local Government will recommend the declaration of a state of calamity in Boracay due to pollution. There’s just too much garbage. Talking about garbage, when will a state of calamity be declared in Malacañang?

0KeLim
Exonerated
The charges against alleged big-time drug lord and Duterte’s kumpare, Peter Lim and other high-profile drug personalities have been dismissed by Vitaliano Aguirre’s office. Here are some of the reactions we gathered:

Rodrigo Duterte: “‘Yung sinabi kong ako mismo ang papatay kay Peter Lim pag nakita ko, kalokohan lang ‘yun. Parang jetski lang. Maniwala pala kayo!”

Harry Roque: “Peter Lim is a role model for businessmen.”

Alan Peter Cayetano: “The world actually needs more Peter Lims.”

Kris Aquino: “May I invite these suspected drug lords to have coffee (i endorse Nespresso) or we can have a San Mig (i’ve endorsed them too & i’m cool w/ the lemon flavored) if that’s their preference. You guys have my word: hindi ako ‘magda-drama pag nagkaharap-harap na tayo.”

Mocha Uson: “SA INYONG PALAGAY, PRODUKTO LAMANG BA NG FAKE NEWS ANG AKUSASYONG DRUG LORD SI PETER LIM?”

Duterte fanatics: Sinusunod lang ni Tatay Digong ang sinasabi ng ebidensya at ng batas. Mabuhay ka Tatay Digong! Watching from Dubai. Watching from Taiwan. Watching from Al Khobar. Watching from London. Watching from Ouagadougou. Watching from troll center Davao.

Manny Pacquiao: “Si Lord nga, nakapagpatawad, DOJ pa kaya?”

Noli De Castro:

Ted Failon:

Anthony Taberna:
___________________________________________________________________________________
“Leadership by deception isn’t leadership. It’s fraud.”
~DaShanne Stokes

Sound Bites
“Maski na ang napili mo son of a bitch na presidente, eh kung ‘yun ang pinili ng tao, wala tayong magawa.”
~Rodrigo Duterte

Yawa.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: al-Hussein: Associated Press; Harry Roque: Inquirer.net; Mocha: Manila Bulletin; Pacquiao: Mark R. Cristino/EPA; Peter Lim/Kerwin Espinosa: GMA News]





THE OSCARS, MONSTERS & POLITICS

8 03 2018

SOWP
‘THE SHAPE OF WATER’ won Best Picture at the 90th Academy Awards. Helmed by Mexican director Guillermo Del Toro, ‘The Shape of Water’ tells the story of a woman who fell in love with a monster. The film’s working title was ‘Honeylet.’

Frances McDormand won the best actress Oscar for the film ‘Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.’ In her acceptance speech, she shared the award with her fellow nominees Meryl Streep, Sally Hawkins, Saoirse Ronan, Margot Robbie and Persida Acosta.

Best Actress winner Frances McDormand played the role of Mildred Hayes – an angry, grieving mother seeking justice for her daughter. Official reports say Mildred’s daughter has been murdered — although the VACC insisted she died due to the Dengvaxia vaccine.

3B
In her Oscar winning performance, Frances McDormand played the role of a devastated mother seething at the lack of progress in the case of her murdered daughter. Using three billboards on the outskirts of her town, she wages war against the local police chief who was reportedly a regular at videoke parties, concerts, press conferences, Congressional hearings, and other social events.

Duterte mouthpiece Harry Roque watched the telecast of the 90th Academy Awards. Roque was raving about and rooting for ‘Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri’ when the ceremonies started. Before it was over, he was cheering for ‘The Shape of Water.’

TPost.jpg
Meryl Streep now has 21 Oscar nominations including a best actress nod for her role as publisher Katharine Graham in the movie ‘The Post,’ a best picture nominee. Steven Spielberg directed ‘The Post’ which tackled the importance of freedom of the press. Rodrigo Duterte calls it “the worst film in recent years.”

In the movie, then US President Richard Nixon tried to stop the Washington Post from releasing damning evidence about America’s unwinnable war in Vietnam. When the newspaper ran a series of investigative stories on the Watergate scandal, Nixon retaliated by barring reporters of the Post from entering the White House. When Mocha Uson heard this, she asked her Facebook followers, “Naniniwala ba kayong ang Watergate scandal ay produkto lamang ng fake news?”

‘The Shape of Water’ actor Doug Jones says it took five hours for make-up artists to transform him into a fish. In comparison, it took Harry Roque one term in Congress to transform himself into Duterte’s bitch.

It took five hours (per day!) to transform ‘The Shape of Water’ actor Doug Jones into a sea monster. Unconfirmed reports say director Guillermo Del Toro almost considered casting Jose Calida for the role to save time.

DH
Gary Oldman won best actor for his performance as Winston Churchill in the World War II drama ‘Darkest Hour.’ His incredible transformation also took five hours to finish. Generating a lot of social media buzz of late is the ongoing (and troubling) transformation of Associate Justice Marvic Leonen.

Spoiler Alert: In ‘The Shape of Water,’ Eliza (Sally Hawkins) had sex with a ‘fish.’ That is hardly shocking considering that Congressional spouses have been sleeping with crocodiles for decades.
—————————————————————————————————————————-
“I am not fit for this office and never should have been here.”
~Warren G. Harding

Sound Bites
But the idea of allowing China to exploit part of the Philippines’ exclusive economic zone is not only dangerous but also unlawful, Carpio warned: The “co-ownership” model would amount to ceding half of the West Philippine Sea to the Chinese, and “there is absolutely no way under the Constitution” that any sitting Philippine administration could give away the national patrimony like that.
~Editorial, Not only dangerous but unlawful

“If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.”
~Margaret Thatcher

Happy International Women’s Day!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Frances McDormand: People.com; Getty Images (Jones); Courtesy of Fox Searchlight (Still); Gary Oldman:Youtube, Focus Pictures]





SLAM BOOK: MOCHA USON

27 02 2018

THIS BLOG’S Slam Book Series started six years ago. The most recent one was posted in 2016 – Duterte’s slam book no less. Today, we continue the series with the slam book entry of controversial and infamous communications assistant secretary Mocha Uson.

1SBMU

2SBMU
1SBMU3.jpg
______________________________________________________________________________
“There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.”
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Sound Bites
“The facts are easily verifiable, the public record voluminous and indisputable — if only [Mocha Uson], her salary and the state resources at her command paid for by the people’s money, had the basic integrity to Google history instead of using her official perch to propagandize falsely, perniciously.”
~Editorial: Lying and deception in post-truth world

Indeed.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





“NEVER ENOUGH” BY RODRIGO DUTERTE, THE RUTHLESS SHOWMAN

19 02 2018

PHILIPPINE President Rodrigo Duterte relyrics ‘Never Enough’ – a song from the original soundtrack of the blockbuster film, ‘The Greatest Showman.’

Play the official music video for accompaniment.

I’m trying to hold my breath
Let it stay this way
Can’t let this moment end

You set off a dream with me
Getting darker now
Did you see all these coming?

Take my ass
Will you kiss or lick me
DDS without you

All the piles of a thousand bodies
All the lives I steal from those fam’lies
Will never be enough
Never be enough

Towers of corpses are still too little
Those cops could kill more poor but it’ll
Never be enough
Never be enough

For me
Never, never
Never, never
Never, for me
For me
Never enough
Never enough
Never enough
For me
For me
For me

0000D

All the sound of a thousand gunshots
All the men we snatch from their loved ones
Will never be enough
Never be enough

Powers I hold are still too little
These hands could rule the world but it’ll
Never be enough
Never be enough
________________________________________________________________________________
“This and no other is the root from which a tyrant springs; when he first appears he is a protector.”
~Plato

Sound Bites
Reports say China has recently named five underwater features in the Philippine Rise. Reacting to the report, palace and Beijing spokesperson Harry Roque said:

“China has named many things—‘siopao,’ ‘siomai,’ ‘ampao,’ pechay, ‘hototay.’” “This does not mean they are getting ownership of these.”

Ulol.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: The Greatest Showman Video; Sunstar.com; Inquirer.net]








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