CARELESS

Advisory

The US Embassy in Manila advised Americans in the Philippines to avoid traveling to Central Mindanao as terrorists might be plotting attacks in the coming days. Just to make it clear, the US is referring to Islamic terrorists NOT to South Koreans.

“Careless” Comments

Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales said that slain American Peace Corps volunteer Julia Campbell was “a little irresponsible” and “careless” that’s why she’s now dead. Considering those two reasons, it makes us wonder why Gonzales is still alive.

Campbell

Interviewed by GMA 7, the sister of slain American Peace Corps volunteer Julia Campbell says they are not outraged by her death and they know Julia’s very happy where she is right now. Peace corpse.

No Sex

Doctors’ advice to First Gentleman Arroyo: No strenuous activities, including sex. Watch out for GMA’s temper in the coming days.

Baby James

Kris Aquino delivered her second child prematurely. The baby was in hurry to get out of his mom’s system.

Cory Aquino said baby James could become a basketeer since he looked exactly like his dad James Yap. Had he looked exactly like Kris, he’d become the next Boy Abunda.

Top 5 Reactions Heard From the Makati Medical Center Staff When They First Saw Baby James

5: “Four point three pounds?!? Baby ba ‘yan o bote?”

4: “Buti na lang naging lalaki!”

3: “Ilong pa lang… James Yap na!”

2: “Sana ‘wag nang masundan.”

1: “Thank God hindi totoo ang tsismis na si Cristy Fermin ang napaglihihan ni Kris.”

Personal

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PACMAN’S AGENDA

Sure

A Social Weather Stations survey showed that 9 out of 10 Filipinos will “surely vote” in the coming elections. The lone respondent who said “no” has yet to find a candidate agreeable to his “asking price.”

Manicure

A week after his heart surgery, First Gentleman Mike Arroyo – as revealed by his sister, so wanted to have a manicure. An alarmed GMA reportedly called up his doctors and asked what have they done to his heart.

Pacquiao & Politics

Fresh from his victory over Mexican Jorge Solis, Manny Pacquiao declared that he would not quit boxing even if he would become a lawmaker. That’s a “law blow.”

Top 5 Possible Legislative Agenda of Manny Pacquiao If Elected to Congress

5: The Beauty & Brains Bill: Free English tutorials for all boxers competing internationally and free total makeover for them after every fight

4: Sponsor a bill that seeks to strengthen diplomatic ties between the Philippines and Mexico by staging an annual slugfest: Filipinos vs. Mehikanos! Bakbakan na!

3: Promote culture and the arts by legalizing sabong and tupada, and making available one Extreme Magic Sing in every home nationwide.

2: A bill that seeks to automatically declare the day of his succeeding fights a special non-working day. If it falls on a Sunday, the following Monday will be a holiday – with pay.

1: The creation of a boxing academy for women with his mom, Mrs. Dionesia Pacquiao as the school’s first dean.

Party-list Polls

Rumors say that the New People’s Army is seeking congressional representation via the party list polls in 2010. They will use the name Bayad Muna.

Shocked at Shootings

US President George Bush was surprised to learn that a Korean student killed 32 people at a university in Virginia. Bush didn’t expect that there’s another Korean deadlier than Kim Jong Il.

CONGRESSMAN PACQUIAO

Pacquiao Wins

Manny Pacquiao won. So where’s the “news” in that?

President Arroyo congratulated Manny Pacquiao for his win and stated that his victories in world competition should be matched by the country’s victory over “poverty and injustice.” The president is simply saying that to resolve poverty or injustice, suntukan na lang.

Mrs. Dionesia Pacquiao, Manny’s mother held a prayer marathon before the fight. The prayer lasted for two hours, an hour shorter than the time consumed by GMA 7 in plugging its shows.

Manny Pacquiao won his bout against undefeated Mexican Jorge Solis. Darlene Antonino-Custodio’s prayer for a Pacquiao victory has been answered. Now it’s time to pray for her own win.

Out of Danger

Doctors of First Gentleman Mike Arroyo announced that the First Gentleman was completely “out danger” and might be back in Malacañang next week. Now that’s what’s more dangerous.

First Gentleman Mike Arroyo who hasn’t uttered a word since he underwent surgery last week has started to speak again. He didn’t feel different though since it has always been GMA who does the talking.

Top 5 Statements Uttered by the First Gentleman When He Started to Speak Again Following His Surgery

5: “Miss ko na ang media.”

4: “Presidente pa ba si Gloria? Ako pa ba ang First Gentleman?”

3: “Sinungaling kayo! Sabi n’yo, kabag lang ‘to.”

2: “Pinabalik Niya ako. Ayaw akong papasukin.”

1: “Dalhin n’yo ako kay Manny. Gusto kong umakyat sa ring.”