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LIGHT BULB JOKES 2018

19 08 2018

This article first appeared in the Opinion Page of the Philippine Daily Inquirer on August 18, 2018.

Q: How many Rodrigo Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to curse the darkness.

Q: How many Rodrigo Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The report about the burnt out bulb is “pure speculation.”

Q: How many members of the Duterte administration does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five:
1. One to announce that the light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to create a controversial viral dance video about it;
3. One to blame ‘dilawans” for the old bulb burning out;
4. One to buy a new bulb from China, and
5. One to publish a fake news article titled, “Duterte voted best electrician in the solar system”

Q: How many Antonio Trillaneses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to initiate a probe into the possible involvement of President Duterte in the old light bulb’s ‘death.’

Q: How many Ben Tulfos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. But he’ll demand P60 million for doing the task.

Q: How many Wanda Teo-Tulfos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to go shopping for a new bulb and one to change it.

Q: How many Richard Gordons does it take to change light bulb?
A: Only one. He holds the bulb in place and enjoys the moment as the world revolves around him.

Q: How many Alan Peter Cayetanos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he follows the step by step instructions of the Chinese.

Q: How many big time drug lords does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to smuggle the new light bulb and one to meet with the president to deny he was the supplier of the burnt out bulb.

Q: How many Gloria Macapagal-Arroyos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least three. The ceiling is too high.

Q: How many Sara Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. But she’ll make some calls to make sure the old bulb is replaced.

Q: How many minority bloc members in the Lower House does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Which minority bloc?

Q: How many economic managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he’ll insist on raising taxes to collect funds to buy a new bulb.

Q: How many ‘dilawans’ does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Thousands to chant, “Tama na! Sira na! Palitan na!” and one to replace it.

Q: How many BBM media influencers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many Persida Acostas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to call a press conference to present the burnt-out bulb.

Q: How many Manny Pacquiaos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Light bulbs are not mentioned in the Bible.

Q: How many millennials does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to record it live on Instagram.

Q: How many Mocha Usons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Are you sure you want her to do the job?

Q: How many Kris Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to record the moment for the whole world to see.

Q: How many Alma Morenos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Dasal lang, dasal lang talaga.

Q: How many Tito Sottos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (The punchline has been taken down upon the request of the senator.)

Q: How many Presidential Communications Operations Office copywriters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tree.
____________________________________________________________________________________
“Facts are threatening to those invested in fraud.”
~DaShanne Stokes

Sound Bites
“Woe to you who drive the poor victims of drugs more deeply into poverty and misery! You who neither respect human rights nor human lives. You who trample on people’s dignity because they are poor and are unable to defend themselves!”
~Caloocan Bishop Pablo Virgilio David on the occasion of the first murder anniversary of Kian Lloyd De Los Santos

Indeed.

I still am on Twitter: @hecklerforever8

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One response

20 08 2018
Rough Road

“Tree.” HAHAHAHAHA

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