Advertisements

DEPARMENT OF TULFORISM

3 05 2018

THE DEPARTMENT of Tourism headed by Wanda Tulfo-Teo spent more than 60 million pesos for ad placements on Tulfo-Teo brothers’ blocktime program on government station PTV4. Tulfo-Teo insisted there was “no conflict of interest” because the contract was between PTV4 and her brothers’ program. BUT official documents released by the Commission on Audit revealed otherwise. Apparently, Tulfo-Teo’s department “specifically required” PTV4 to “buy segments” on her brothers’ show. Unbelievable.

Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng broadcaster.

Untitled
Samantala, sa isang radio program…

Tulfo: Ang init talaga ng panahon mga Ka-DDs. Son of a bitch, pinagpapawisan talaga ako. Now you know why I always wear shades. Because, temperature dude! The mercury keeps rising. Anyway, marami na tayong naghihintay na callers. Let’s do some public service bitches. Geez, this weather! Caller No. 1, hello?

Caller: Idol, hello po.

T: What’s your name and how may I help you?

C: Nestor ho ng Pasig. Ano bang dapat gawin kapag abusado ang opisyal ng gobyerno?

T: Well, that’s despicable. But can you be specific bro? You know, give some details so I could analyze your situation better.

C: Eh kasi idol, gumastos ng 60 million pesos, wala namang napala ang publiko.

T: Medyo mahina ang boses mo bro. Can you please speak a littler louder?

C: KASI PO GUMASTOS NG 60 MILLION PESOS ‘YONG DEPARTMENT NG GOBYERNO, WALA NAMANG NAPALA ANG PUBIKO. KUMITA LANG ANG MGA KAPATID NG OPISYAL. ANONG DAPAT GAWIN ‘PAG GANUN?

T: You know what, I think we’re having some technical difficulties here. Mr. Engineer, this needs some fixing.

C: Hello idol? Hello! Naririnig kita. Malinaw naman ang dating mo sa akin ah.

T: We’ll be right back.

* * * * *

T: Salamat nga pala sa engineers natin here sa station. Mabilis naayos ang problema natin sa phone line. I salute you boys. Now, let’s talk to caller No. 2. Hello… ?

C: Hello po! Si Maricar po ‘to ng Caloocan.

T: Wow! What a sweet name, Maricar! Reminds me of this pretty classmate of mine in elementary. I was so enamored with her. And mind you, the feeling was mutual. She was into me, too. Maybe it was my killer smile or perhaps my pair of sunglasses. Yes mga ka-DDS, bata pa lang ko, naka-shades na. Ain’t that cool? O, Maricar, anong maitutulong ko?

C: Idol, may isusumbong sana ako.

T: Of course! That’s precisely the reason why I created this show. I wanna help the less fortunate sector of the society. Sinong isusumbong mo?

C: Idol, galit ka sa nepotism sa gobyerno ‘di ba?

T: Of course! Noon ko pa sinasabi. Even my brothers have been vocal against it. Kapag nasa gobyerno ka, hindi mo dapat pinapaboran ang mga kamag-anak mo. Kakapalan ng mukha ‘yon. That’s just despicable my dear listeners.

C: Kilala mo ba si Wanda Teo na gumastos ng 60 million pesos for ads na napunta sa kanyang mga kapatid?

T: What’s the name again, Maricar?

C: Wanda Teo.

T: Sino ‘yon? Let me gather some info and then I’ll get back to you. Next caller please.

* * * * *

T: Mga Ka-DDS, remember this. Our program has always been fair. Both sides pinakikinggan natin. Hindi puwedeng kesyo ikaw ang nagreklamo, tama ka lagi. We’re only after the truth here.

Caller No. 3… na ayaw raw ibigay ang pangalan… hello ma’am? Nandiyan ka pa ba sa line? Sorry, pinaghintay ka namin.

C: PUTANG INA MO BEN. SABI N’YO, WALANG SASABIT. SABI N’YO, MAAAYOS ITO NG PTV4. SABI N’YO HINDI ITO LALABAS SA MEDIA. PUTANG INA N’YO. PATI PUWESTO KO NALALAGAY SA ALANGANIN NGAYON. PINAGRE-RESIGN TULOY AKO. PUTANG INA TALAGA. AYUSIN N’YO ‘TO! PUTANG INA N’YO. (Ibinagsak ang telepono.)

T: I’m sorry dear listeners. May nakapasok na prank caller. You know naman the millennials ‘di ba? Mahilig talaga sa prank calls ‘tapos maya-maya naka-upload na. Mali eh. Hindi nila ‘to dapat ginagawa. That’s just despicable! Magbababalik po ang ating programa.

* * * * *

C: Idol, si Nikki ‘to ng Pasay.

T: Nikki bro, kumusta d’yan sa Pasay? I was there the other night lang kasi we raided a gambling den. Almost midnight na ‘yon. Napakadilim sa area. Kulang na kulang sa pailaw. Mayor Calixto, tarantad… gumising ka naman. Konting sipag pa.

C: Idol, naka-shades ka ba during the raid?

T: May problema ka ba sa shades ko?

C: Wala naman idol. May gusto nga pala akong ireklamo dito sa Pasay.

T: Go!

C: ‘Yung local DSWD dito, namigay ng grocery bags sa barangay namin. ‘Yong isang tauhan nila, sa halip na isa lang ang ibigay bawat bahay, tatlo ang ibinigay sa isa naming kapitbahay.

T: Well, that’s just despicable my dear listeners. Nagtanong ka ba sa DSWD? Bakit daw ganun?

C: Sabi ng tambay dito, kapatid pala niya ang nakatira dun. Ang kapal ng mukha ‘di ba? Kesyo kapatid pinaboran. Putang ina ‘di ba?

T: Wait…

C: Eh kasi dapat walang pinapaboran ang hayup na iyon eh. Putang ina talaga.

T: Teka lang! Can we not be judgmental here Nikki? You don’t know the real story. Hearsay lang ‘yan. Baka naman may valid reason kung bakit tatlong grocery bags ang ibinigay. Let’s give that DSWD personnel a chance to defend himself and clariy the issue. Kesyo pinaboran, masama agad? ‘Wag ganyan. That’s just despicable.
Nikki, are you still there?
Hello?
Nandiyan ka pa ba?
‘Tang in… Binabaan na tayo ng telepono.

* * * * *

T: And we’re back. Before talking to our next caller, I’d like to greet some friends nga pala d’yan sa Customs. They’re listening right now. Mga lodi, what’s up? And also, to Ms Kat De Castro who’s also a regular listener, thank you for the support.

Now, we have Caller No. 5, Mr. John Robert Powers. Wow, I think we’ve got a tourist on the phone. Just goes to prove how effective those DOT commercials are. Mr. John Robert Powers… hello sir? Welcome to the preygram.

C: ‘TANG INANG FAKE ACCENT ‘YAN. NAKAKASUKA. TANG INA. (Ibinagsak ang phone.)

T: Well, I’m not going to dignify that personal attack. That’s just despicable my dear listeners. We’re not on the same level moron! Nandito ako, nandito lang kayo. Mga ulol!

Sa production staff natin na sumasagot sa mga tawag, how many times do I have to tell you to strictly screen the calls?!? PAANO NAKALUSOT ANG PUTANG INANG ‘YUN? SCREEN THE FUCKING CALLS BITCHES! You guys better shape up or risk losing your fucking job. Consider this my first and last warning. We’ll be right back after a few words from our sponsor – the DOT. 

* * * * *

T: Our last caller, si Buboy Bituin ng San Juan. May irereklamong kapitbahay na ubod daw nang tsismosa. Well, that’s just despicable my dear listeners. Sir Buboy, hello po? How can we help you?

C: Idol, hindi ko na matiis ang tsismosa kong kapitbahay. Nitong mga nakaraang araw, puro tsismis ang inaatupag.

T: Are you the subject of the chism? I mean, kayo ba ang chinichismis?

C: Hindi naman idol kaya lang

T: Eh hindi naman pala ikaw ang ichinichismis, bakit nagrereklamo ka?

C: Binging-bingi na kasi ako sa mga

T: Wait. Just because nabibingi ka na sa bunganga niya, nagrereklamo ka na? I find that a bit weird sir. Kung ‘di ka agrabyado, anong basehan ng reklamo? I’m sorry. As I have said, we’re just being fair. To be honest, baka kahit sa barangay, hindi ka manalo. By the way sir, what was the chismis all about ba?

C: Sabi niya kasi… ‘yong Dep’t. of Tourism daw, gumastos ng more than 60 million for ads sa Channel 4. Ayaw ko ngang maniwala. ‘Tapos ang more than 60 million pesos na ‘yon, napunta pala sa kapatid ng DOT Secretary. Ilang araw na niyang ‘kinukuwento sa akin ‘to.

T: SO, ANO PANG HINIHINTAY MO? IDEMANDA MO  NA ANG PUTANG INANG ‘YAN. YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT:  MALI ANG GINAGAWA NIYA. DON’T WORRY, PASASAMAHAN KITA SA STAFF KO. IDEMANDA MO ‘YAN BUKAS NA BUKAS DIN. THAT’S JUST DESPICABLE MY DEAR LISTENERS!
______________________________________________________________________________________
“Nepotism is the lowest and least imaginative form of corruption.”
~Daniel Alarcón, ‘At Night We Walk in Circles’

Sound Bites
“Mr. Duterte has brandished the power of fear. His threats and attacks bear the full weight of his office, the highest in the land. No need to test constitutional limits. All he seems to want to do is to make enough journalists understand that they should be very afraid.”
~Inquirer Editorial, ‘Speak truth to power, keep power in check’

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.


[Photos: Grig C. Montegrande/Inquirer File Photo] // Jonathan Cellona/BSCBN News

Advertisements

Actions

Information

2 responses

3 05 2018
m baytion

Hi fave heckler,

THanks for latest–there’s a typo in your heading tho…Depart*ment of Tulforism…

Keep on heckling!!

maricor

Like

3 05 2018
m baytion

Oooops another typo in the second sentence: …his* brothers’ program.

THanks for keeping at it, and have a good day!!

Like

Say something...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: