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“BIIIIIMB!” [KRISSY’S REALIZATIONS]

4 02 2018

1BIMB
HELLLLLLO! Nagulat kayo ‘no? I’m sure na-miss n’yo ‘ko! Aminin n’yo!

As I have said last week, afraid ang TV networks na bigyan ako ng show because of politics. Kainis ‘di ba?! Kaya dito na muna ako – paraket-raket online. Pero in fairness huh, never akong iniwan ng sponsors. Kaya look at me, look o, ang kinis-kinis ko pa rin. Glowing! Thank you Ever Bilena. Sabi nga ni Bimb kagabi, “Moooooooom, you don’t look like my mother na. We look like sisters already!” Naloka ako. Sabi ko, “Biiiiiiimb, it’s SIBLINGS not sisters! Hay naku, iba-bash ka na naman ng dirty-looking, homophobic broadcaster na laging talo sa elections!” Aha-ha-ha!

Anyway, thank you so much sa mga patuloy na nagtitiwala. I told Ate Ballsy nga, sa mga ganitong pagkakataon mo talaga malalaman ang tunay na nagmamahal sa ‘yo. ‘Di ba?! ‘Yong tipong down na down ka ‘tapos makaka-receive ka ng call saying, “Krissy, we want you to endorse our product!” I swear, naiiyak ako. It just goes to show na love love love pa rin n’yo talaga ako.

In fact, just an hour ago, may nag-inquire through text. Ang sabi, “Krissy, willing ka bang mag-endorse ng memorial plan?” Lalo akong naiyak. Ba’t ganun? Hindi pa naman dead ang career ko ‘di ba? I politely declined. ‘Tapos sabi ni Bimb, “Mooooooooom, but you’re dead na dead kay Tito Herbert!” Nakakaloka. Sabi ko, “Biiiiiiiiimb! That’s our secret, ‘di ba? ‘Wag mo naman akong ilaglag.” Aha-ha-ha!

Hay naku. Basta! Life goes on may TV show man o wala. This too shall pass. Hindi sila forever sa pwesto. May araw din kayo. Jooooooke! For sure, galit na si Mom sa heaven. “Krissy, behave! Don’t be vindictive!”

Fine. Quiet na lang ako. Aha-ha-ha.

Anyway, nag-monitor kami ni Bimb ng news nitong mga nakaraang araw, and we learned quite a few things. I wanna share them with you.

Una, last week ko lang nalaman na doktor na pala si Persida Acosta. Nakakaloka! Akala ko lawyer siya. She was insisting na super dami ng namatay sa Dengvaxia. Pati appendix na pumutok, Dengvaxia pa rin. May conclusions na agad siya. Even Bimb was like, “Moooooooooom, that’s sooo scary. Was I vaccinated?” Sabi ko, “No Bimb. There’s no need for that. Walang mosquitoes sa house ‘coz it’s so clean.”

Sabi niya, “’k!”

Aha-ha-ha! Bimb is so me talaga.

Na-realize ko rin last week, Pinoys are really bad at geography pala. Akala ng marami, nasa Batangas ang Tagaytay; nasa Bataan ang Corregidor, at nasa Saudi ang Dubai. All wrong! Pero ang ‘di ko kinaya, ‘yong sabihing matatagpuan sa Naga ang Mayon Volcano!!!! ‘Di baaa???? Kailan pa inilipat? In fairness huh, ‘di ‘yun nabalita! Nakakaloka. Ang tanga-tanga! But that’s fine. We all make mistakes. Hindi na ako lalayo. Akala ko nga noon, matatagpuan ang happiness sa lalaki. I was so wrong. Baka sabihin naman ni Bimb, “Moooooooooooom, you’re so emo!” Inunahan na kita Bimb. I am! Aha-ha-ha!

I remember so well, when Kuya Noy was still in office, sobrang haba lagi ng pila sa MRT. I should know, na-experience ko ‘yan, remember?

Tapos every month yata, may sira. So the people were like so gigil na talaga. And then nagamit pa ‘yon sa campaign against Mar Roxas. Ang ending: lost! Fast forward to 2018, naloka ako sa news na everyday pala, twice or thrice nasisira ang MRT. Super walk sa riles ang mga commuters! Every other day! And then Bimb said, “Mooooooooom! Why is this still happening? Tito Noy is no longer the president.” Aray ko!

“Biiiiiiiimb! You’re so mean to your Tito Noy! Hindi niya na fault ‘to! Mag-apologize ka! Now na.”

“’k. Sorry!”

Hindi n’yo naitatanong, super relate ako sa mga commuters. Trust me, I know the feeling! ‘Yong pinasakay ka, ‘tapos kapag ini-enjoy mo na ang lahat, sasabihin sa ‘yo, “We need to stop. Hanggang dito na lang tayo. This isn’t working.”

Ang sakit!

“Mooooooom! Tito Herbert again?! Move on na, ok?”

“Biiiiiiiiiimb!”

“Moooooooom! I said, move on.”

“Fine!”

And then, another lesson we learned: Kung basketball player pala si Harry Roque, kakabugin niya si Vince Carter ng Sacramento Kings. By the way, Carter recently turned 41 and in fairness huh, he’s still very much active! And he can still score. Unlike some palaos na players I know.

“Moooooooom! You’re so bitter! He’s still my dad.”

“Biiiiiiiiimb! I didn’t mention names.”

“Moooooom! I know you. Aminin mo. You’re talking about my dad.”

“Fine!”

Back to Harry Roque. I remember him leading and hosting some protest rallies in and out of UP. Like, he was this brave, principled human rights lawyer who was making laban for the country. So ‘yung pag-360 niya sa issues, malala pa kesa kay Carter. Hindi ko talaga kinaya nang sabihin niyang waste of taxpayers’ money ang pagsama sa rally ng mga taga-UP. SAY WHAT?!?

“And Mom, he also said we needed fake news to know true news.”

“I know, Bimb! Kadiri ‘di ba? Trapong-trapo na talaga every inch of his skin.”

“And that’s a lot of skin, Mom.”

“Biiiiiiimb! That’s bad.”

“But you started it.”

“I didn’t say he’s fat.”

“Did I say fat, Mom? I said, ‘lot of skin.’”

“You’re so good at this Bimb! Kainis ka!

“I’m your son, remember?”

“True!”

1FabFlavius
And lastly, I have to say this, the government can learn a thing or two sa kaso ni Ricci Rivero ng La Salle. I haven’t been following collegiate basketball pero na-shock ako nang bonggang-bongga when I heard na kinick out ng La Salle ‘yung Rivero brothers, and a certain Brent Paraiso. Sorry, ‘di ako familiar sa kanya.

I mean, rules are rules. Kapag may ginawa kang bad o may na-violate ka, you should face the consequences of your actions. Unfortunately sa admin na ito, kapag tanga ka, kapag may mali ka, or worse, kapag pumatay ka, mapu-promote ka pa. Mabibigyan ka pa ng pwesto. ‘Di ba? Nakakaloka.

I’m from Ateneo but I salute La Salle. Kahit medyo tumaas ang kilay ko sa rason ng pagli-leave daw ni Ricci and those two other players, I believe na tama ang ginawa ng school. Fair but sad.

Aminin n’yo! Nanghinayang kayo kay Ricci! Sa other two, ‘di masyado. Aha-ha-ha! Pero kay Ricci, I’m sure concerned na concerned kayo!

“Mooooooooom! Ricci is only 19.”

“Why?!? What did I say?”

“Moooom, it’s obvious. You’re flirting. You’re hitting on him.”

“Biiiiiiiiiimb!”
_________________________________________________________________________________
Proclaim the truth and do not be silent through fear.
~Catherine of Siena

Sound Bites
“In fact, the deaths of 13 of the 14 autopsied (by PAO) were totally unrelated to the vaccine. We urge the Department of Justice to order PAO to stop performing autopsies on these children and to leave the matter of determining the cause of death to competent forensic pathologists.”
~Doctors for Public Welfare

Threat
President Duterte has threatened to kick out UP students who continue to hold protest actions against his administration saying they’re wasting people’s money. How about the people’s money spent on Mocha Uson and Duterte’s keyboard warriors? What do you call that, saving?

‘Wag kami.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kris Aquino on Instagram; @FabulousFlavius for Ricci Rivero’s photo]

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