13 01 2018

THE FIRST pre-election survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations showed Lito Lapid winning a Senate seat if elections were held today. Lapid is left wondering. How many times does he have to prove he’s unfit for the job?

If elections were held today, even Lito Lapid wouldn’t vote for Lito Lapid.

Jinggoy Estrada, who is facing corruption and plunder charges, also fared well in the survey. Respondents put him in 7th place. Filipinos being Filipinos. They deserve him.

Tough-talking radio host and Duterte defender Erwin Tulfo placed 12th in the SWS survey. Tulfo, known for being foul-mouthed like Duterte fared well not inspite of, but because of it.

Defeated vice presidential candidate Bongbong Marcos, who was also in the Magic 12, said he would not run for senator in 2019 because he “already won as vice president.” In other news, Elvis Presley is still alive; Hitler has been confirmed as the son of Jose Rizal, and a ‘snakeman’ was found inside a fitting room at Robinsons Galleria.

Bongbong Marcos recently tweeted, “During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a universal act. – Novelist George Orwell.” Apparently though, Bongbong wrongly attributed the quote to the novelist as pointed out by human rights lawyer Ruben Carranza. Bongbong quickly defended himself saying, “To be fair, ang anak kong si Sandro talaga ang nag-tweet nun.”

Those people handling Bongbong Marcos’s social media accounts should be careful in selecting quotes to post. I mean, a Marcos lecturing Filipinos about truth and deceit??!? How ironic is that?

Controversial Court of Appeals Justice Normandie Pizzaro is reportedly retiring next month, exactly a year AHEAD of his mandatory retirement. Who is Normandie Pizzaro? He recently penned the CA’s decision acquitting former Palawan Governor Joel Reyes of murder. He also penned the ruling that acquitted Janet Napoles last year as well as the decision junking a Hawaii court’s order to award damages to Martial Law victims. Suddenly, Pizzaro is retiring. Well, he can now afford.

Normandie Pizzaro is retiring as Court of Appeals justice. He penned the ruling which exonerated Joel Reyes and Janet Napoles as well as the decision junking a Hawaii court’s order to compensate Martial Law victims. With these ‘qualifications,’ he could be the next Duterte appointee.

After meeting with the officials of the Communist Party of China, President Duterte said the bond between the Philippines and China is getting stronger everyday. In fact, it’s now as strong as those illegal Chinese structures in the West Philippine Sea.”

President Duterte announced he would sack some 70 policemen who are being accused of corruption. Duterte reiterated he wouldn’t tolerate ‘kotong’ cops – unless those cops have killed a certain number of drug suspects.

According to palace spokesperson Harry Roque, “Asahan ninyo po na wala pong sinasanto ang Presidente, wala po iyang kaibigan, walang kaklase, walang kabarilan. Basta ikaw ay palpak, ikaw ay sibak.” To which, Malacañang reporters replied, “Charot!”

Duterte’s spokesman Harry Roque said, “Asahan ninyo po na wala pong sinasanto ang Presidente.“ When he heard this, Ferdinand Marcos said, “Iba ang sinabi niya sa akin.”

Harry Roque told the press, “Wala pong sinasanto ang Presidente… basta ikaw ay palpak, ikaw ay sibak.” And Martin Andanar was like, “O, ba’t nakatingin kayong lahat sa akin?”

Researchers released a study saying President Trump speaks at a fourth-grade level. The researchers then released a statement apologizing to fourth graders.

A new analysis revealed US President Donald Trump has limited vocabulary and speaks like a fourth grader. In comparison, Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte was just a first grader when he learned to speak words like ‘yawa,’ ‘pisti,’ “iyot,’ and ‘pastilan!’ No match.

According to Pornhub, Filipinos spent the longest time per visit on the porn site in 2017. Filipinos spent 13 minutes and 28 seconds on the average per day. That’s a lot of f____g. But still, that’s nothing compared to Filipinos who get to watch one another get screwed by government leaders 24/7.
“Elections, for their part, are typically popularity contests rather than measures of candidates’ relative competency or effectiveness.”
~Nathan Paul Myhrvold

Sound Bites
“Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?”
~Douchebag Donald Trump describing some developing countries like El Salvador, Nicaragua, Haiti, and African nations on the issue of immigration


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Senate; Pizzaro: CA; Napoles:; Harry Roque:; CBS News]




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