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THE ULOL & GAGO NEWS QUIZ

6 01 2018

TRAIN, TAXES, a cursing senator, Mocha Girls, high profile suspects, and more. Are you updated? Take this week’s Current Events Quiz!

1WinPilstar
1: WIN OR LOSE. Tweeting from Nevada, USA, Sherwin Gatchalian, a senator, had an outburst earlier this week. Tinawag nitong “ulol” at “gago” ang ilang netizens na nakasagutan niya sa Twitter. Ano ba ang sinabi ng netizens na  ikinagalit ni Gatchalian?
A: Trapo! Ingrato!
B: Intsik ka kasi kaya sipsip kay Duterte.
C: Kung gaano kaliit ang mata mo, ganun din kaliit ang utak mo! Malamang pati tit* mo!

Answer:
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Letter A: Tinawag siyang trapo at ingrato ng netizens matapos niyang batikusin ang administrasyon ni Noynoy Aquino na dati naman niyang sinusuportahan.

2: NO APOLOGIES. Tumangging humingi ng paumanhin si Sherwin Gatchalian matapos magmura sa Twitter. Katwiran ni Win, bayaran at robot daw ang mga nakasagutan niya. Nag-react naman si Lea Salonga. Ano ang sinabi ni Coach Lea via her Twitter account?
A: “Oh dear. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen.”
B: “Your choice of words speaks volumes about your true character.”
C: “If they were robots and you replied to robots, what does that say about you?”

Answer:
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Letter A. Lea added: “Let’s keep all discourses respectful, even when our opinions are contrary to someone else’s.” Word.

3: WANTED. Mocha Uson’s sexy dance group, the Mocha Girls, is looking for new members. Alin sa mga sumusunod ang ipinagbabawal ng grupo sa prospective applicants?
A: Tsismosa, insecure, at inggiterang babae
B: Sex addict
C: Fame whore

Answer:
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All of the above! Ayon sa inilabas na announcement ng grupo, ang mga ‘yan ang kanilang iniiwasan sa aplikante! Wait, were they describing their leader?

4: FREE MAN. Matapos palayain ng Angeles City RTC (na ikinagulat ng PDEA), nabiktima ng fake news si Mark Anthony Fernandez. Ano ang kumalat na tsismis tungkol sa aktor?
A: Nakabuntis ng dalawang jail guards
B: Umaming nagkaroon ng relasyon sa isang bading na inmate
C: Nag-check-in sa isang hotel kasama ang ex-girlfriend na si Claudine Barretto

Answer:
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Letter A. Ayon sa kumalat na fake news, nabuntis daw ni Mark ang dalawang jail guards. His late dad’s manager, Lolit Solis denied the rumor.

1rEYESpHILSTAR
5: FREE MAN 2: Former Palawan governor Joel Reyes, the alleged mastermind in the brutal murder of journalist and environmentalist Dr. Gerry Ortega has also been freed. Aba, nakikiuso! Matapos palayain, ano ang unang ginawa ni Reyes?
A: Tumawag sa Jollibee at nagpa-deliver
B: Tumawag kay President Duterte at nagpasalamat
C: Tumawag kay House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez para mag-apply sa PDP-Laban

Answer:
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None of the above. Pero ‘yong B & C, hindi imposibleng mangyari.

6: TAX NG INA N’YO. Sa ilalim ng pinag-uusapan ngayong Tax Reform for Acceleration and Inclusion (Train) Law, alin sa mga ito ang totoo:
A: Sa halip na 12 percent, papatawan ng 24 percent tax ang restaurant bill ng employed couple (kasal man o hindi)
B: May 20 percent tax kapag nanalo ka ng more than P10,000 sa lotto at iba pang games ng PCSO
C: Para mas maging affordable ang pagpaparetoke, wala nang babayarang tax ang mga cosmetic surgeons.

Answer:
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Letter B: May tax na ang lotto at iba pang games ng PCSO! So kahit 20,000 lang ang napanalunan mo, katorse mil na lang ang ibibigay sa ‘yo.

7: ASSUMING. Matapos makasama sa tinatawag Magic 12 sa isang senatorial survey, sinabi ni Sara Duterte na payag siyang mapunta sa iba ang slot niya basta’t ____________.
A: “’Wag lang akong inisin ng mga kalaban ni President Duterte.”
B: “’Wag lang akong i-bash sa social media.”
C: “’Wag lang akong topakin. Lagi pa naman akong tinotopak.”

Answer:
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Letter C. “‘Wag lang akong topakin. Lagi pa naman akong tinotopak.” Joooke! The answer is A.

8: NATIONAL ISSUE. “Headline” ngayon si Sunshine Cruz matapos “pagpiyestahan” ang kanyang Instagram photo kung saan kita ang kanyang:
A: Kaliwang nipple
B: Maputing butt crack o kuyukot
C: Maputing kilikili

Answer:
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Letter C. Dahil ito ang solusyon sa tumataas na halaga ng bilihin, ibinalita ng ilang news outlets ang “flawless” daw na kilikili ni Sunshine Cruz!

9: CONSISTENT. Mula nang pumasok ang 2018, ilang beses nang nasisira ang MRT 3 (As of Saturday, January 6)?
A: Tatlo. MWF. At least may sked na. Sanayan lang.
B: Siyam na. Ganun talaga. Magtaka kayo kapag ‘di nasira. ‘Yun ang nakakatakot.
C: Isang beses pa lang naman. Grabe naman kayo. Napaka-nega. Inaano ba kayo ng MRT!?

Answer:
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Letter B. Siyam na. At least consistent. Gusto yatang i-break ang more than 500 glitches na naitala last year.

10: ACCEPTED. Tinanggap na ni Pangulong Duterte ang pagbibitiw sa tungkulin ni Pulong Duterte. Ano raw ang sinabi ng pangulo matapos tanggapin ang resignation ng kanyang panganay?
A: Mag-focus ka na lang sa smuggling………… Juk lang!
B: Tumakbo ka na lang miyor ‘pag sinador na si Inday Sara.
C: Sa’n ka na ngayon kukuha ng pantustos sa luho ng anak mo? Sa triad? Juk lang ulit.

Answer:
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None of the above. Pwede rin namang “All of the above.” Juk lang.

1FireandFury
Bonus Question:
TELL-ALL. Lumabas na ang eksplosibong aklat na ‘Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House’ ng American journalist na si Michael Wolff. Former Trump strategist Steve Bannon, who was quoted in the book, said some members of the First Family believe, “The first woman president would not be Hillary Clinton; it would be ________.” Sino raw?
A: Ivanka Trump
B: Melania Trump
C: Kellyanne Conway

Answer:
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The answer is Letter D. Sandra Cam. Juk lang. It’s A. Ivanka Trump! According to Bannon, Ivanka sees herself running for the highest seat in the land. Sara Duterte, ikaw ba ‘yan?

Did you do well?
9-10 pts.: You are awesome.
7-8: Good!
5-6: Ang lakas ng tsamba.
4 and below: Where have you been bitch?
___________________________________________________________________________
“The measure of a man is what he does with power.”
~Plato

Sound Bites
“Shortly after 8 p.m. on Election Night, when the unexpected trend — Trump might actually win — seemed confirmed, Don Jr. told a friend that his father, or DJT, as he calls him, looked as if he had seen a ghost. Melania was in tears — and not of joy.”
~Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House

Be careful what you wish for.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Win Gatchalian: PhilStarNews; Joel Reyes: Philippine Star; Book: TheNet.ng]

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One response

8 01 2018
bongmallongamendoza

Reblogged this on bong mendoza's blog and commented:
Katuwaan lang!

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