13 11 2017

THE ASEAN Summit is underway in the Philippines. Leaders from Southeast Asia and the Asia-Pacific region are in attendance. There’s a fascist, a charmer, a human rights violator, a narcissist, a populist, and a megalomaniac. But enough about Rodrigo Duterte. Let’s talk about the other leaders.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau charmed his Filipino fans when he made a surprise visit to popular fast food chain, Jollibee. Not to be outdone, US President Donald Trump made a surprise visit to Hooters.

Here are other ASEAN Summit moments:

Honeylet: Papa, in fairness sa Barong Tagalog mo huh, bagay na bagay sa ‘yo.

Duterte: Sus, nambula ka na naman!

Honeylet: Hindi huh. Totoo ‘yon! ‘Wag ka nga lang pipikit kasi baka sabihin nila, parang natutulog ka lang.

Duterte: Ulol!

Aung San Suu Kyi:
Naku! Baka mabatikos ka Harry dahil nagpa-picture ka kasama ako. Sabi kasi nila, tinalikuran ko na raw ang pagsusulong ng human rights sa Myanmar.

Harry Roque:
Ok lang ‘yon Ma’am. Ako rin naman, tinalikuran ko na rin ang pagsusulong ng human rights sa Pilipinas!




Aung San Suu Kyi: Finally, na-meet din kita!

Duterte: Excited?? He-he Nice meeting you Madam.

Suu Kyi: Alam mo, we have something in common.

Duterte: Ano ‘yon?

Suu Kyi: Similar ang isyung ibinabato sa atin. Sa akin, Rohingya.

Duterte: Sa akin?

Suu Kyi: Walanghiya.


Suu Kyi: ‘Wag nang choosy. At least, hindi ko sinabing murderer.


Duterte: Alam mo Mr. Prime Minister, ikaw ang pinaka-petmalung lider sa summit!

Indian PM: Bakit naman?

Duterte: Eh kasi, ang last name mo, LODI.

Indian PM: Modi ‘yon, Narendra Modi. Hindi Lodi! Tanga!


Indian PM: Sensya, nabigla lang.

Samantala, in Vietnam…

Kathy Bates

“‘Tang ina, bored na bored na ako. ‘Pag wala pang kumausap sa akin in the next five minutes, itutulak ko itong si Kathy Bates na nasa harap ko.”

You’ve all heard about Maria Isabel Lopez and her EDSA stunt. On her Instagram account, the rabid Duterte supporter bragged about moving the divider cones and driving on the lane designated for ASEAN Summit delegates. For her bad behavior, netizens criticized the former actress and beauty titlist. For the same reason, Duterte considers appointing her to a government post.

#Pasaway 2
Another Duterte fanatic, Sass Sassot, made a scene at the ASEAN Summit when she confronted a BBC correspondent. She questioned the reporter of the British network for giving airtime recently to Pinoy Ako Blog owner Jover Laurio, a Duterte critic. After confronting the reporter, Sassot was caught by TV cameras crying – prompting the reporters and bystanders to applaud and congratulate her because she finally got what she ultimately wanted: attention.

In case you missed it:
Sassy: Hoy Mr. BBC Reporter! Bakit si Jover Laurio ng Pinoy Ako Blog, may airtime sa BBC, pero ako – wala?!?

BBC Reporter: Sino ka ba?!

Sassy: Hindi mo ako nakikilala?!?

BBC Reporter: Sino ka nga?!

Sassy: My goodness! Sikat na sikat ako ngayon sa Pilipinas, pinag-uusapan, hindi mo ako nakikilala?


Sassy: ‘Tang ina mo.

BBC Reporter: Ay, nagmura. Ka-DDS ka! Ka-DDS!

* * * * *

Sassy: Hoy Mr. BBC reporter, mas marami akong followers kaysa sa very minor blogger na si Jover Laurio a.k.a. Pinoy Ako Blog! Pero bakit ang impaktang ‘yon – na-interview n’yo sa BBC ‘tapos ako, hindi!?! Where’s the logic in there!?!

BBC: Mas marami kang followers??? Bakit? Ilan ba ang followers mo sa Twitter?

Sassy: 47,200

BBC: llan ang followers ni Jonalyn Viray?

Sassy: 217,000

BBC: Eh ‘di si Jonalyn Viray na lang ang i-interviewhin namin.


BBC: Logic!

* * * * *

Sassy: Hoy Mr. BBC Reporter! ‘Yang Jover Laurio na ‘yan, ‘yang hitad na Pinoy Ako Blog na ‘yan, iilan lang ang followers. Ako, marami! Minor blogger lang siya! Pero bakit… of all people, siya pa ang na-feature sa BBC! ‘Tapos ako, akong mas maraming followers, hindi pa nafi-feature!? Sumagot ka! Magpaliwanag ka!

BBC Reporter:

Sassy: O, ba’t natahimik ka? Magpaliwanag ka ngayon! Bakit si Pinoy Ako Blog ininterview ng BBC samantalang ako, hindi pa? Sumagot ka! Duwag! WALA KANG BAYAG!

BBC Reporter: Umabot ka talaga dun? Sige, pag-usapan natin ang BAYAG.

Sassy: Choppy ka. Sorry, choppy ka. Konting ikot. Wala akong marinig. Tawag ka na lang ulit.


Sassy: Hoy, Mr. BBC Reporter, can you explain? Bakit si Pinoy Ako Blog na isang very minor blogger, ininterview n’yo sa BBC? Pero ako, na mas malaki ang following, hindi n’yo pa napi-feature! WHY?!? Alam mo bang unfair kayo? Alam mo bang biased kayo dahil isang side lang ang pini-feature n’yo? Sino ang backer ni Pinoy Ako Blog? Sino ang nasa likod ng guesting n’ya? Sino ang lumakad para ma-interview siya ng BBC? Sino ang may pakana ng lahat ng ito? SINOOOO?

BBC: Are you done? Ako naman! Sino naman itong babaeng nasa tabi mo na mukhang tanga at mukhang ewan dahil nakatulala lang at hindi man lang mag-attempt na sawayin ka sa pagbubunganga mo gayong inaatake mo ang isang lehitimong journalist? Para siyang isang tumpok na tae sa kalsada na nandiyan lang pero hindi mo nakita kaya nayapakan mo! SINO SIYA?!?


BBC: Sorry. Na-carried away.

Mocha: Pakyu!
“There are so many attention whores out there, prostituting for people’s acknowledgment.”
~Jason Myers

Sound Bites
“Can you tell me how is it possible that Jover Laurio, a very minor blogger in the Philippines was featured by the BBC in order to defend herself… but not someone like me whose social media following is way way higher than her?”
~Sass Sasot, Duterte supporter and propagandist to BBC correspondent Jonathan Head

“Sweetie, last year BBC tried to get in touch with me for an interview, too. If they want to talk to you, they will find you. Do the math.”
~Actress Agot Isidro (via Twitter)


I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Harry Roque; @JustinTrudeau; Russell Palma; @PIB_India; Doug Mills/The New York Times; Jonathan Ernst/Reuters; Presidential Photos; Maria Isabel Lopez Instagram; Interaksyon;]




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