“January! ‘Pag ‘di kayo na-modernize, umalis kayo.”

ISNILON HAPILON and Omar Maute are dead. A salute to our soldiers! That’s the good news: Marawi has been liberated from terrorists. The bad news is the country has yet to be liberated from Duterte.

President Duterte said martial law in Mindanao would not be lifted “until the last terrorist is taken out.” That’s not a problem, Mr. President. You just stay in Manila; don’t go to Mindanao.

President Duterte warned jeepney operators of a crackdown if they don’t modernize their units by the end of the year. “January! ‘Pag ‘di kayo na-modernize, umalis kayo,” said Duterte who once gave himself six months to curb drugs and criminality or he would resign.

Old jeepneys emit too much carbon dioxide and put the health of Filipinos at risk, according to Duterte – an old president who emits too much vitriol and puts the entire nation at risk.

Halloween is the time of the year when a number of people wear masks and costumes to hide their true selves, hoping to win the top prize. It’s also called elections.

People are now talking about Halloween parties. In Davao, President Duterte’s grandchildren have an annual tradition. They scare their Lolo Digong by wearing menacing costumes. For this year’s Halloween party, Duterte’s grandchildren will come as human bank waivers.

Bad Weather
Super-typhoon Paolo is the latest weather disturbance to enter the Philippines. Many Filipinos are not aware though that Paolo has entered the Philippine Area of Responsibility. Even President Duterte never spoke about it. If super-typhoon Paolo makes a landfall, experts fear the damage to agriculture and infrastructure may reach 6.4B pesos.

Reports say Lorraine Badoy-Partosa has been appointed undersecretary of the presidential communications office. The controversial Ka-DDS used to be an assistant secretary at the Social Welfare department. The transfer is hardly surprising since it’s public knowledge that Lorraine’s only concern is the welfare of Rodrigo Duterte.

Graft Case
Former Caloocan City Mayor Recom Echeverri, who is facing nine counts of graft, refused to enter a plea on two counts. The court automatically made a plea on his behalf. It entered a plea of “not surprised.”

Losing Streak
The UST Growling Tigers are still winless in men’s basketball. They have been beaten nine straight times this season. Experts say if UST wants to BEAT its rivals, the coaching staff should hire members of the Aegis Jvris Fraternity.

Based on a detailed chat group log, members of the Aegis Jvris Fraternity intended to cover up the death of hazing victim Horatio Castillo III. Some 30 frat members in the chat group discussed how to conceal evidence; reach a settlement with Castillo’s parents, and find ways to explain to their wives and girlfriends why their balls suddenly went missing.

According to Safe Cities Index 2017, Manila is one of the least safe cities in the world. It ranked 55th out of 60 cities. At No. 1, Tokyo was named the safest city while Singapore came in second place prompting Alan Peter Cayetano to demand a recount.

Unsafe Indeed
A Miss Earth 2017 candidate was robbed in Manila. Her cellphone was snatched. The victim was identified as Polli Cannabis, Miss Belarus. Worse, when Miss Cannabis reported the incident to the police, she was asked to undergo a drug test.
“A man don’t need to act tough if he is. Men that put on a show are spineless more often than not.”
~Eric Powell, ‘The Goon’

Sound Bites
“’Pag ‘di kayo na-modernize, umalis kayo. Mahirap kayo… sige. Magtiis kayo sa hirap at gutom. Wala ako pakialam.”
~President Duterte

You deserve the leaders you elect.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Marawi: Agence France Presse; Jeepney: Alamy.com; Masks: How Stuff Works; Lorraine Badoy-Partosa: DSWD; Aegis Jvris Fraternity: Benjie Castro/GMA News]

Author: professionalheckler

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