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CONGRESSMEN & TRAFFIC

19 09 2017

1estrada
JINGGOY ESTRADA, whose trial for plunder and graft & corruption charges, is ongoing, has been granted temporary liberty. He posted a P1.33 million bail over the weekend. Immediately after his release, he thanked the Sandiganbayan, his family, and the Filipino taxpayers who shouldered his bail bond.

Of the five members of the Sandiganbayan Fifth Division, three justices voted to grant Jinggoy Estrada bail. The next day, all three justices received this text message from Malacañang: What exactly do you want?

1Boobay Tekla
Anniversary
Juan Ponce Enrile and wife, Cristina celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. Which explains why Gigi Reyes changed her Facebook status to “Single.”

The roster of high-profile guests included Imelda, Imee and Bongbong Marcos; Joseph Estrada and Jinggoy Estrada; former vice president Jejomar Binay, his wife Elenita, and Junjun Binay as well as former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo – prompting one of the food servers to quip, “Ano ‘to Bilibid?!?”

Entitlement
House Majority Floor Leader Rodolfo Fariñas wants the MMDA to grant lawmakers “parliamentary immunity” from minor traffic violations. Citing a provision in the Constitution, the Ilocos Norte representative says apprehending lawmakers will delay the performance of their duties. That, of course, is understandable because round-the-clock licking of Duterte’s ass is not an easy job.

Samantala sa EDSA… Prrrrt!

Traffic Enforcer: Lisensya.

Motorist: Lisensya? Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala? Congressman ako!

Traffic Enforcer: Hindi rin n’yo ba ako nakikilala? Traffic enforcer ako!

Motorist: Meron akong parliamentary immunity!

Traffic Enforcer: Meron ho akong ipinapatupad na batas!

Motorist: Mali-late na ako sa session! ‘T@ng %n@!

Traffic Enforcer: Linggo ho ngayon. May session?

Motorist:

Traffic Enforcer: Sige, isip pa ng palusot. ‘T@ng %n@g ‘to.

* * * * *

Traffic Enforcer: Pare, lisensya.

Motorist: Boss, congressman ako.

Traffic Enforcer: Ooops sorry! Congressman, lisensya.

Motorist: Sinabi ko na ‘di ba? Congressman ako!

Traffic Enforcer: Sorry Congressman. Isang tanong na lang: Na-experience mo na bang mag-trend sa Twitter?

Motorist:

Traffic Enforcer: Lisensya.

Motorist: Kanina ko pa nga inaabot sa ‘yo ‘di ba?

* * * * *

Traffic Enforcer: Sir, lisensya.

Motorist: Bakit? Anong violation?

Traffic Enforcer: Beating the red light ho.

Motorist: Congressman ako.

Traffic Enforcer: Sabi ko ho beating the red light.

Motorist: Narinig ko. Narinig mo ba ang sinabi ko: ‘Congressman’ ako.

Traffic Enforcer: So anong gusto n’yong gawin ko: palampasin ang violation n’yo?! Magkunwaring walang nangyari? Balewalain ang batas-trapiko? Kilalanin ang pribileheyo n’yo bilang mataas na opisyal ng gobyerno? Sumunod na lang sa gusto n’yo dahil maliit na enforcer lamang ako habang kayo ay milyun-milyon ang deposito sa bangko para pantustos sa mga kabit n’yo? Kalimutang may sinumpaan akong tungkulin? Takasan ang aking responsibilidad sa bayan ‘tapos bahala na kung mawalan ako ng dignidad at respeto sa aking sarili?

Motorist: Heto na ang lisensya ko. Matahimik ka lang.

Traffic Enforcer:

Motorist: At next time, ‘wag na ‘wag mong pakikialaman ang mga kabit ko. Namemersonal ka eh!

1car

Traffic Enforcer: Lisensya mo.

Motorist: Congressman ako. I’m in a hurry. Pa-Batasan ako.

Traffic Enforcer: May violation kayo, Sir. Lisensya n’yo.

Motorist: Akala mo ‘di ko alam kung saan papunta ang usapang ‘to? Hoy! Kilala ko kayo. Mga buwaya sa kalsada! Magkano?

Traffic Enforcer: Wow. Kung maka-buwaya kayo Sir parang hindi crocodile farm ang pupuntahan n’yo ah. Lisensya!

Motorist: Pagsisisihan mo ‘to! Tatawagan ko si MMDA Chairman Danny Lim. Tatawagan ko si Mayor! Tatawagan ko si House Speaker.

Traffic Enforcer: Wait lang, Sir. Tatawagan ko lang si Karen Davila!

Motorist: ‘To naman, ‘di na mabiro. Ganda ng gupit natin ah.

* * * * *

Traffic Enforcer: Sir, ‘yung lisensya mo, patingin.

Motorist: Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala? Araw-araw ako sa TV!

Traffic Enforcer: Arnold Clavio?

Motorist: Gago! Congressman ako. Hindi ako basta-basta. CONGRESSMAN AKO!

Traffic Enforcer: So, anong gusto n’yong mangyari?

Motorist: ‘Di ka ba talaga nanonood o nagbabasa ng balita? Ano bang dapat ginagawa sa mga tulad ko?

Traffic Enforcer: Ibinubunyag ang kurapsyon! Tapos huhulihin! Then lilitisin at ikukulong habambuhay para ‘di na uli makapagnakaw.

Motorist:

Traffic Enforcer: Sorry Sir, mabilis lang talaga akong mag-isip. Ano ba dapat?

* * * * *

Traffic Enforcer: Sir, pakitabi.  At ‘yung lisensya n’yo, pakilabas.

Motorist: ‘Sensya boss. Nagmamadali eh. May hearing kami. Congressman nga pala ako.

Traffic Enforcer: I see. So bakit kailangan n’yong sabihing congressman kayo? Ano ang gusto n’yong mangyari ngayon?

Motorist: Gusto kong sabihin mo nang maayos ang violation ko ‘tapos ticketan mo ako, kunin mo ang lisensya ko kung kinakailangan at magmumulta ako para tubusin ang lisensya sa tamang ahensya.

Traffic Enforcer: Hindi ka congressman! Sinungaling! Impostor! Mapagkunwari! Peke!

Motorist:

* * * * *

Traffic Enforcer: Sir, pakitabi. ‘Tsaka, ‘yung lisensya mo, patingin.

Motorist: Boss, Congressman ako. Nagmamadali ako.

Traffic Enforcer: Obvious nga Sir eh. Beating the red light ka.

Motorist: Pilosopo ka rin ‘no?

Traffic Enforcer: Nagsasabi lang ng totoo, Sir.

Motorist: Hindi ko gusto ‘yang tono ng pananalita mo. Totoong pulis ka ba o kunwa-kunwariang pulis lang?

Traffic Enforcer: Dati akong pulis-Caloocan, Sir.

Motorist:

Traffic Enforcer: Ano nga palang ‘di mo gusto sa pananalita ko, Sir?

Motorist: Ticketan mo na lang ako. Sige na para ‘di na tayo maabala pareho.
_______________________________________________________________________________
“Leadership is a privilege to better the lives of others. It is not an opportunity to satisfy personal greed.”
~Mwai Kibaki

Sound Bites
“If he would introduce himself as a congressman, and it be proven that he really is a congressman, don’t bring him to the precinct. Because if you bring him to the precinct, he would not be able to perform his functions [as a lawmaker].”
~Ilocos Norte Rep. Rodolfo Fariñas

Sus.

Elsewhere
The Young Turks hosts talk about Duterte’s “vigilante injustice”

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Jinggoy Estrada: ABSCBN News; The Enriles: Inquirer.net; Cartoon Stock.com]

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